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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Hi and welcome to the U world order, showcase, podcast where we feature life, health, transformational and spiritual entrepreneurs stepping up to be the change they seek in the world. I'm your host, Jill Hart, the coaches alchemist on a mission to help coaches and spiritual entrepreneurs amplify their voice.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: monetize their mission and get visible leveraging podcasts and our 1 million plus audience on the Gnostic TV network. Today, we are chatting with Susan Hart and Susan empowers moms to reclaim their identity once their children enter school. It's really great to have you with us, Susan.

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Susan Hart: Thanks. I'm glad to be here.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: We're joking about heart to heart

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: when we 1st got started. So I'm going to ask you the question I ask everybody these days. What's the most significant thing in your opinion, we can do as an individual to make the greatest impact on how the world is going.

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Susan Hart: Well with all of the changes happening in the world, and all of the chaos and turmoil in my mind. The biggest thing that we can do individually is, figure out our personal identity and our purpose in life. What is our individual purpose for being alive.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I love that. It's so important that we figure out what we're here to do and then get about doing it.

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Susan Hart: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And I think you really help moms with this. It's it's a problem that moms have that you just get your identity so tangled up with your kids and just

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: can I talk about that a little bit.

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Susan Hart: Absolutely. So as moms, of course, we want the best for our kids, and we want

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Susan Hart: we usually want them to have better than what we had. And so we pour everything we can into our kids, and a lot of times to the point where there's nothing left for us. In my case. I was a mom for nearly 20 years, and looked in the mirror one day and realized I had no idea who I was looking at.

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Susan Hart: I was living life through my kids, and I didn't know who I was or what my purpose was in life.

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Susan Hart: and thankfully I have figured out how to get to that point of knowing who I am and what my purpose is, and it has made all of the difference.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Really does make a difference. Once you

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: once you understand what you're here to do, then the going about doing it is just like it. It's becomes easy, because

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you're gifted in the way that makes it possible for you to do that. But if you're fighting against it, or you just don't know, and often I think this is my personal opinion. We we get caught up in the shoulds and have to's of life where you know you're you're trained from a very young age to to do certain things and to be responsible. And

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it the responsibility looks like XY or Z, depending on how you were raised, and

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: kind of like blown the doors off that these days.

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Susan Hart: Right. And moms, you know, society tells us that our kids need to be involved in everything, and it can be really overwhelming as a mom

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Susan Hart: feeling like you're chasing around all of the time, giving everything you have, and really running out of steam for yourself.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And you teach people the tools that they need to a find themselves and be like, carve out boundaries.

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Susan Hart: Absolutely. Yes, we do. A lot of exploration into who you used to be.

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Susan Hart: and we determine is that who you still are is that who you still want to be, and then we explore some other possibilities of who? Who maybe you can be, who you want to be, and then we move forward with your purpose and vision in mind.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I love that I love that. So do you do this in groups, or do you do it? One on one? How does how does the actual coaching look.

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Susan Hart: So right now I'm doing one. On one coaching. I have a group program that will be launching shortly, but especially with this identity and purpose part, I really feel strongly that that is a 1 on one

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Susan Hart: conversation that needs to happen, and an experience that needs to be really tailored to each individual client.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, I think I I can see that it's it's it's so personal.

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Susan Hart: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So why is it important, do you think, for moms to identify their purpose beyond motherhood?

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Susan Hart: Well, you know, motherhood in my mind is a beautiful and sacred calling, and it is something that we, as women, are blessed to have the opportunity to experience.

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Susan Hart: I also believe that it's so important for us to remember who we are.

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Susan Hart: Our kids need to see that you don't become an adult and become nothing and become no one.

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Susan Hart: that a mom should be able to follow her own dreams and her own passions. And it's possible to be a good mom, and to follow your passions. It's possible. And it's important to do. Our kids need to see that. And in my mind, that's 1 of the reasons that there's a lot of entitlement in the world today with kids because

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Susan Hart: their parents just are willing to drop everything to do whatever the kid wants or needs in the moment.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Can see that a lot.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I think we we went through a period of time where

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: kids were either latchkey kids where their parents were. Both parents were working all the time and didn't have time for their kids, and so their kids were pretty much left to their own devices. And then we moved into the the experience of

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: well, I'm not going to be like that for my kids, so that you have the helicopter moms and dads who are just like your kids, have to be involved in everything, and you have to sacrifice all your own needs and wants for your children. And I think we're trying to move into like a more balanced look at, you know. Yes, your kids

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: can explore different things, but maybe they don't have to do all the things all the time.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you know. Let them pick what thing they're interested in and experience it, and they don't have to be perfect at it. It's often good enough to just let them have a taste of it, and if they want to pursue it great, if they don't want to pursue it, don't give them a lot of grief, you know, kidding, Karate, and they don't like Karate. Then

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: they don't like Karate. Put them in something else.

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Susan Hart: Yes, and that puts a lot of the responsibility back on the kid instead of the parent. And so it's not the parent

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Susan Hart: experiencing success or failure through their kid. But it's that child is having their own learning experiences because it it's something they own. That's their success. That's their mistake. And kids are growing a lot more healthily when the parents choose to take that approach.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, letting your kids have options and make decisions and letting them letting them practice being responsible. You know.

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Susan Hart: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: With little little really young kids, 4 or 5, 3, or 4 you can. You can give them choices as simple as what color socks do you want to wear today? Do you want to wear pink ones or blue ones? I don't care.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: But you have to make a choice and teaching children how to make choices

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: helps them as they grow up, to become adults that are capable of making choices and also carving out

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: the the place in their own life where they're. They're confident about decisions that they make because

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: they've they've made a bunch of decisions up to this point so they can. They can figure stuff out for themselves. You don't have to always be doing stuff for them.

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Susan Hart: Right, and that takes some of the pressure off the parents.

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Susan Hart: If your kid doesn't get into the Ivy League School.

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Susan Hart: Yes, you maybe you feel a little bit sad for them, but it's not the end of the world. It's not a devastating heartbreak, because this is their life and their experience

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Susan Hart: and not your failure.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It has nothing to do with you honestly.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I have. I have one son that he was.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: He was in his teens, and he had a a scholarship to pretty nice university for football.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: but he chose not to do that. He chose to do a different path, and the different path has led to like

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: an amazing life. I mean, 20 years later. It's just like, Wow.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you made the right decision for you. It might have looked different at the moment, but you never know where things are going to lead.

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Susan Hart: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And it's it's good as parents if we can.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: in pursuing our own passions, if we can allow our kids to pursue theirs and.

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Susan Hart: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Okay.

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Susan Hart: And that's that's where the balance comes in us, supporting our kids in their dreams and them supporting us in ours and realizing we can support each other and follow our dreams at the same time.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah. And and it's the supporting. It's like

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you could be excited for them and allow them to be excited, for you.

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Susan Hart: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It really does help them. So what are the benefits of a mom really knowing who she is.

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Susan Hart: Well, some of them we've talked about. A mom is confident when she knows who she is. She's not run down. She's not burned out.

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Susan Hart: And kids, kids can sense that in my own family my kids have been so much happier since I have figured out who I am. And since I've really started following my passions, and they can feel that difference. And they're not

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Susan Hart: as entitled as they used to be. And so, instead of saying, Mom, I don't feel like waiting for the school bus today. Can you just come? Pick me up? They say, Mom, I know that you're busy. Do you have time to come. Pick me up, and if you're willing to pick me up, I'd be happy to do some extra chores, because I know it's going to take you half an hour to come, pick me up and get back home again.

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Susan Hart: So I think it's really

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Susan Hart: a mutually beneficial thing. We've all heard the saying, if Mom's not happy, no one's happy, and that's really true. And

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Susan Hart: when a mom can really know who she is, it's a completely different level of happy.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It is, and it it allows your kids to experience different levels of happy. And I love the example you just gave because it it shows that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it shows a level of empathy that kids can develop from understanding that they're asking something of you, and you have to sacrifice something to help them

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: to make their life easier, so they're willing to do something to make your

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: so what if a mom has felt lost for a really long time. Can she ever really find her identity again.

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Susan Hart: Absolutely. And sometimes that's the most important time

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Susan Hart: for a mom to figure out who she is, because it's easy for us to get caught up in parenting. And then suddenly, before we know it, we're empty nesters. And then at that point, it it really is like, who on earth am I. And what do I do now? I've been a mom for

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Susan Hart: 30 years, 40 years, 20 years, whatever it is. And now I don't know who I am, and I don't know what to do. And so at that point, if if a mom hasn't figured out who she is, then either she's having a total breakdown, or she's smothering her adult children, and neither of those is a good situation. So

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Susan Hart: my advice is, wherever you are on that parenting spectrum.

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Susan Hart: figure out how to find your identity.

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Susan Hart: Give yourself permission to

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Susan Hart: release some of the control over your kids and take some time to figure out who you really are like, I said. For me. It was 20 years of parenting before I got to that point, and

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Susan Hart: I wish I had figured it out sooner.

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Susan Hart: But I'm grateful that I figured it out when I did, because it has been such a beautiful experience the past several years, just

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Susan Hart: evolving and and becoming who I really am, and seeing that change in my family.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I love as you get older. And and your kids, they start having their own families and the the ability to just

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: have them as people in your life that you enjoy being around. And if you start that while they're still young.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: it just carries on. And and then you're not really their parent anymore. You're just these people that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: you like having fun with them, and you can go and do stuff and it. Then there's the grandbabies and.

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Susan Hart: They're so fun. Yeah, yes, there, there's definitely a difference there when there's not this feeling of

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Susan Hart: of Mom wanting to control me as an adult or mom needing to feel needed by me.

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Susan Hart: It. It changes the entire dynamic of the relationship. For sure.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It. Yeah, they could be so good. I

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: I I'm thinking this is the best part of my life. I just like

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: the kids are all out of the house, and I've got grandbabies to play with, and they invite us over, and we can go and have fun. But it's not like I don't. I don't feel the pressure of having to do for them all the time, and you know sometimes they have things that I can help them with, and they'll ask. But it's not like I have to do anything.

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Susan Hart: Right, and part of that is probably because you know who you are, and and if you didn't you would be feeling that pressure, and you would be feeling that need to be hovering and and being involved in their in their business, because

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Susan Hart: that's what you've always done.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And not feeling like you, have to live their life for them.

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Susan Hart: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: It's it's super easy to fall into that trap, especially when your kids are growing up.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: because there's all the other pressure of well, that kid looks like it's doing this thing. And that kid looks like it's doing that thing. And my kid's just doing this. And then then you start to resent your children because they're not living up to some artificial

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: standard. That truth be told, nobody lives up to. But

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: society wants us to believe that this standard exists.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: and if you can, just let them be who they are, and and love them for who they are, then you raise people that

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: they'll return the favor. Have you a little bit weird?

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: They just don't care.

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Susan Hart: And when, when we choose to let them do those things, make their own decisions, make their own mistakes.

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Susan Hart: The version of them that that really shines through is much better than the version of what we would force them into being.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Yeah, there's so many people that I talk to that are adults. I mean, like they've they've gone to school, and they become doctors or lawyers, or whatever. They've spent a lot of money becoming a professional at something, and they hate it because that's not what their passion was. Their passion was, you know.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: basket weaving or leading people on adventures in the mountains. Not not that, not bookkeeping or

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: being an attorney, or you know the the things that people get pushed into

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: trying to make their parents happy. And that's really a lot of it. It's like parents not being able to just accept children for

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: who they are. They're they're not your children, I mean, you have a responsibility to shelter them and feed them and give them love. But they really belong to the universe. Your job is to just help them kind of

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: peel back the layers so that they can shine absolutely.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: What they're here to do.

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Susan Hart: And when we know who we are as the parent, there's no pressure on them to become who we think they should be, and when it happens like you said, when they choose a career because their parents want them to, it harbors nothing but resentment and regret. So that's not something that any parent

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Susan Hart: would want for their child. So when we can really focus on

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Susan Hart: who we are and recognizing who they are.

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Susan Hart: it just makes such a huge difference.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Kind of magic that happens.

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Susan Hart: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: So how can people get in touch with you, Susan?

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Susan Hart: You can join my Facebook group.

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Susan Hart: And it is the balanced mom creating purpose and passion beyond kids.

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Susan Hart: My contact information is there in the Facebook group. You can message me through there. We've got a lot of good conversations going on there and some good resources there to help you get started.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And one of them is the 5 ways to reconnect with yourself. Guide.

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Susan Hart: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Talk about that a little bit.

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Susan Hart: Yes, so

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Susan Hart: we hear a lot about self-care which can be helpful. But in my experience things like taking a bubble bath or painting my nails isn't really a way to

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Susan Hart: help lighten my soul.

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Susan Hart: So these are are some quick, 5 min things that can help you really kind of reconnect with yourself and reground yourself

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Susan Hart: to a place where your soul feels lighter and happier, and in a place where you can feel more like yourself.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Love that. And people can find that in your group.

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Susan Hart: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Join the community and get the guide.

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Susan Hart: Yes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: Thanks so much for joining us today, Susan, and thank you to those of you who are tuning in to learn more about

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: parenting with purpose.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: reach out to Susan or join her community over on Facebook, the balanced mom creating purpose. And I will put that link in the show notes.

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: And

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: if you have a podcast, or you're interested in starting one to get your message in front of our huge and active audience, be sure to reach out to us at

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Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist: jill@gnostictv.com. We love to help spiritual entrepreneurs and coaches, amplify their voice and monetize their mission, and offer a variety of ways to do this on the Gnostic TV network platform, join us for our next episode as we share what others are doing to raise the global frequency. And remember, change begins with you. You have all the power to change the world. So start today and get visible.