1 00:00:02,280 --> 00:00:05,760 Janice Porter: Deb, hello everyone and welcome my guest 2 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:10,200 today is Deb Porter, a really dear friend of mine, I believe. 3 00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:12,780 And even though we haven't known each other that long, I feel 4 00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:18,900 like we have, and I think that's a tribute to her communication 5 00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:24,860 skills, and in in in particular, listening, alright, this is 6 00:00:24,860 --> 00:00:29,060 Deb's Bailey wick. I love that word and not, not used very 7 00:00:29,060 --> 00:00:32,120 often. So first of all, welcome to the show, Deb. 8 00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:34,879 Deb Porter: Thank you so much, Janice. I'm excited to be here, 9 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,360 Janice Porter: my pleasure, and so excited to have you. So in 10 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:42,520 your in your bio, you talk about, you think that soft 11 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:47,620 skills need to be reframed or re coined as essential skills, and 12 00:00:47,620 --> 00:00:52,780 I totally agree with you. Back in the day, when I was working a 13 00:00:52,780 --> 00:00:56,380 contract position for a long time as a trainer in the 14 00:00:56,380 --> 00:01:01,740 telephone company, I used to teach soft skills, and those in 15 00:01:01,740 --> 00:01:09,360 that context were telephone, courtesy, customer service, 16 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:13,560 things, listening was one of the things that was part of my my 17 00:01:13,620 --> 00:01:17,940 course that I taught, and how to deal with difficult customers 18 00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:21,920 and all these things. How can we say these are soft skills. They 19 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:27,260 are so totally essential to be able to work, communicate and 20 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:30,740 and, you know, treat people well. They're very, very 21 00:01:30,740 --> 00:01:35,360 important. And so I know that in your company, I want you to tell 22 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:40,100 me about how this came about for you and how the focus is in 23 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:44,320 hold, hearing out life drama, which is the name of your 24 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:47,920 company, has become your mission. And so talk to me about 25 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:52,240 that. Oh my goodness. Tell my viewers about why should it be 26 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,400 an essential skill? Talk to me about that. 27 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,680 Deb Porter: Well, first of all, I don't know if your listeners 28 00:01:56,680 --> 00:02:01,020 might know, but in 1969 that's actually from the army, from the 29 00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:05,940 military. That's where the the term soft skills was coined. And 30 00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:09,000 so, yes, so I actually researched that, because I was 31 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:12,180 like, I need to know, where did this come from, and why, and why 32 00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:15,120 has it stuck? And so I think because it was, you know, a 33 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:18,120 government term. And, you know, across our nation, it really 34 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,680 spread, and it dug into our to our frame of business. And I 35 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:26,840 just feel like what you said so beautifully in your example, 36 00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:31,820 from you know, your earlier position, that communication is 37 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:36,020 life altering in all aspects of the business, whether it's in 38 00:02:36,020 --> 00:02:41,080 customer service or in in sales or or whatever. So, yeah, how 39 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,860 did I so? How did I end up here? My background and training is 40 00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:47,860 actually as a United Methodist pastor. I have a 96 hour master 41 00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:50,080 divinity degree with a specialization in care and 42 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,720 counseling. That's where I get the the knowledge and the 43 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:55,240 authority to do what I do. And then, of course, through my 44 00:02:55,240 --> 00:03:00,060 life, I've built upon that. I'm now 52 and I was working at a 45 00:03:00,060 --> 00:03:02,820 funeral home. When I had the idea for my business, the 46 00:03:02,820 --> 00:03:05,100 funeral home changed the compensation package they were 47 00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:08,820 offering, and I was like, Okay, if I can do anything in my life 48 00:03:08,820 --> 00:03:11,700 right now, what is it that I really want to do? And what came 49 00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:14,400 to me as I was holding my towels was really, what if I just 50 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,520 listen? What if I just listen? I mean, it's so basic and so 51 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,920 human, but that's, that's kind of me, and that's who I am. I'm, 52 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:22,700 I'm really down to earth. And so, yeah, so I built a business 53 00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:23,300 around listening, 54 00:03:24,140 --> 00:03:26,600 Janice Porter: amazing, really. But listening isn't just 55 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:32,120 listening. There. There are many ways that we listen or don't 56 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:35,540 listen. So Can you expound on that a little bit? 57 00:03:36,980 --> 00:03:39,140 Deb Porter: So a lot of times, people think that listening 58 00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:42,160 starts with the other person, and what I teach is it does not 59 00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:46,180 listening starts with you, and you have to come into a 60 00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:50,380 conversation calm and ready to hear. And I think that's the 61 00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:55,660 piece that most people don't get or and it can throw them off, 62 00:03:55,660 --> 00:03:58,480 because if you haven't taken the time to be calm and centered at 63 00:03:58,660 --> 00:04:03,660 the beginning of an interaction, then you're not able to stay 64 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:06,720 focused and clear through, throughout so 65 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,780 Janice Porter: well, I would say today, what comes to mind when 66 00:04:09,780 --> 00:04:13,620 you say that is, it's we make it so much harder for ourselves 67 00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:19,920 today, for ourselves today with that exact example, because the 68 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,940 minute we sit down at a at a meeting or whatever, our phones 69 00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:27,740 on our desk or on the table, and that's a distraction from the 70 00:04:27,740 --> 00:04:33,620 word go. And I watched a great Simon Sinek video one time about 71 00:04:33,620 --> 00:04:39,140 cell phones and and, and he said something like, and don't think 72 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:42,340 that because you turn your phone upside down on the table that it 73 00:04:42,340 --> 00:04:46,240 makes any difference, your phone does not belong there. You know, 74 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,960 in that meeting, and we all do it. I did it last night. We I 75 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:53,140 was at a dinner thing, which was a networking event, and I saw 76 00:04:53,140 --> 00:04:56,440 that some few of the other girls had put their phone out there. 77 00:04:56,440 --> 00:05:00,120 Because sometimes, like I, I use it as an example to show. To 78 00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:05,880 this LinkedIn tool that I use with the with the QR code that 79 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,280 people have, and I want to share it with them if it comes up, 80 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:11,220 but, and I don't have business cards anymore, because I use my 81 00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:16,380 phone as that, but, but it's not right, because it's distracts us 82 00:05:16,380 --> 00:05:19,680 from listening, from what I know you call them, what I know to be 83 00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:23,600 active listening. Yes, right? Yeah, exactly, 84 00:05:23,660 --> 00:05:27,080 Deb Porter: yeah. So active. So what do we mean when we're 85 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:30,260 talking about active listening? What does that exactly mean? So 86 00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:33,920 active listening is the art of fully engaging both with content 87 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,800 and emotion. Let's to do the definition. That's my 88 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:40,460 definition. The I'll say it again, the art of fully engaging 89 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,900 with the content and the emotions. So I think a lot of 90 00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:47,620 times, I've had questions come back from people and they're 91 00:05:47,620 --> 00:05:50,260 saying, you know, this person just keeps going on and on and 92 00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:52,840 on and on and on. I just don't get why. They don't understand 93 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:56,740 that I'm hearing them. And what I offer is are, are you making 94 00:05:56,740 --> 00:05:59,200 sure to reflect back to them the feeling of what they're saying? 95 00:05:59,380 --> 00:06:01,620 Because you you're getting the content, but unless they 96 00:06:01,620 --> 00:06:04,920 understand that the feeling is also heard, they're not going to 97 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:08,700 be able to move on. So and then I see light bulbs come on. They 98 00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,700 go, Oh no, I didn't actually well. 99 00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:14,400 Janice Porter: And also they that kind of person finds it 100 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:19,800 difficult to not interrupt, but to get into the flow of that 101 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:23,300 conversation, they let the person continue and continue and 102 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:26,600 continue. And sometimes people do that because they're nervous 103 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:30,560 or because they because the person that hasn't drawn right 104 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,740 hasn't been drawn in or whatever. So I think it takes 105 00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:37,940 both parties for sure. But you you talked about you don't know 106 00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:40,160 if you're being heard. And I think there's a difference 107 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:43,960 between hearing and listening 100% Yeah. Okay, so I just 108 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:47,080 wanted to clarify that, because I could hear you but not have 109 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:50,320 listened to anything you said. I remember when my daughter, one 110 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:54,340 of my daughters, was was little, and I was working and and I was 111 00:06:54,400 --> 00:07:00,600 always, you know, distracted because I had to get lunches 112 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,120 made, or I had to get the dishes done, or I had to get dinner 113 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,360 made, or whatever. And that's the time after school between, 114 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,120 you know, when you're preparing dinner, when the kids will come 115 00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:12,480 to you and want to share something with you, and you make 116 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:16,560 the mistake quite often of listening while you're doing 117 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:20,040 something else, but you're not really listening, so you miss 118 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:24,560 it, right? And it's not fair to the child. And I think I 119 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:29,060 remember, I think one time my daughter said to me, I'll tell 120 00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:32,240 you later when you when, when I think you're listening, you 121 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,060 know? And then the light bulb goes on there, too, right? It's 122 00:07:35,060 --> 00:07:38,240 like, oh, wait, I need to have full attention when I'm talking 123 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:41,260 and listening with my or having a conversation with my child. 124 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:44,380 That's so important, right? More than any of these business 125 00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:47,860 things, as far as I'm concerned, but it's one of those examples, 126 00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:48,760 right? Well, and 127 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:52,420 Deb Porter: I think it happens in business too. I can give you 128 00:07:52,420 --> 00:07:55,780 an example from the funeral home. I experienced a colleague 129 00:07:55,780 --> 00:08:01,080 who was frustrating me, and I finally it escalated to the 130 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,540 point where I felt I needed to go speak to the manager. I was 131 00:08:03,540 --> 00:08:07,320 going to explode, which is very rare for me. Like, imagine how 132 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,320 extreme this was, because it was pretty rare for me. And so I 133 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:13,260 went and knocked on his door, and he was doing something, and 134 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:16,320 I said, I need some I need some of your time to talk about a 135 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,500 thing. Do you have time to do that? And he was like, typing 136 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:24,020 away doing something else he's like, but he, he was able to 137 00:08:24,020 --> 00:08:27,020 say, give me one minute to finish this, and then I'll be 138 00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:30,380 able to focus on you. And then he really did. He he shifted his 139 00:08:30,380 --> 00:08:35,480 whole body language, everything he did let me know, okay, you 140 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:38,840 now have my full attention, and let's, let's really hear this. 141 00:08:39,140 --> 00:08:42,160 And that's really powerful, because as a manager, he needed 142 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:48,100 to hear how to present, yeah, so. But you know, if he had just 143 00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:50,920 said, Oh, well, you know what? What is it? And continued to 144 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,800 type his message, which he had done other times in the past, 145 00:08:53,980 --> 00:08:57,640 and it was the way I framed it. I need your attention right now. 146 00:08:58,180 --> 00:09:01,980 My experience with that was different, so I think managers 147 00:09:01,980 --> 00:09:04,080 really need to tune in, pay attention. I mean, I think 148 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:07,680 parents too. There's not that we ever want to just ignore, but 149 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:11,580 really know those important we don't want to miss those 150 00:09:11,580 --> 00:09:13,200 important moments ever well. And 151 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:17,520 Janice Porter: we're teaching that, that we're teaching that 152 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:21,500 way of doing things too. If we show that we're paying attention 153 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:25,340 fully, then they will learn to do the same, right? And I know 154 00:09:25,340 --> 00:09:31,460 that when it comes to an old tool, the telephone, which I 155 00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:35,420 still love to use, because that was my first go to when I was 156 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,960 first starting out in business, showing my age now, but the 157 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:43,060 telephone, and I still love the telephone, and when I call 158 00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:47,260 somebody, and sometimes I do, sometimes I get a prompting to 159 00:09:47,260 --> 00:09:49,840 call somebody, like I'm on LinkedIn and I'm looking at 160 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:55,180 something, and I see that they're online, or I so possibly 161 00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:58,780 at their desk, and I'll just look and see if there's a phone 162 00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:01,620 number, or if I you know. Um, I don't know. I just get a 163 00:10:01,620 --> 00:10:05,640 prompting to call someone, but when I do, and I and if they 164 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,880 answer, the first thing I always say is, thank you so much for 165 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,240 picking up the bone, because it's such a rare thing. Although 166 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:16,080 I think it's coming back, I really do. However, when they 167 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:21,620 do, I do ask them, Do you have a couple of minutes? Because if 168 00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:24,740 they don't, I'm not going to start rambling on, right? 169 00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:27,140 Because then they're really not going to like it and they're not 170 00:10:27,140 --> 00:10:31,040 going to listen. So that's, that's the key, right? Okay, so 171 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:35,540 you have the privilege of, in your work, listening to many 172 00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:40,300 personal dramas through your platform. What are some common 173 00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:42,880 themes that you've noticed in the stories that people share, 174 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:47,380 and how have these impacted your perspective on relationships? 175 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,300 Because, you know, I'm all about relationships. 176 00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:54,940 Deb Porter: Yeah, so going to the B to C side of the business, 177 00:10:54,940 --> 00:10:58,180 I'll shift shift my mindset a little bit the the common theme, 178 00:10:58,540 --> 00:11:02,220 there's a lot of fear of judgment among people. And a lot 179 00:11:02,220 --> 00:11:05,880 of people are coming and saying, you know, I just really couldn't 180 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,480 talk to my family about this. They wouldn't understand. Or I, 181 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,000 I knew they would give me advice when that's really not what I 182 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:18,420 need. Those, those two things are very common, on the person 183 00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:21,380 the drum, yeah, on the personal side, on the drama side. Yeah, 184 00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:23,360 okay, and yeah, is 185 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:26,120 Janice Porter: it? Is it easy? Do you believe then? Because I 186 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,360 do that, it's easier sometimes to talk to a stranger than it is 187 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,960 to talk to someone who's really close and has a bias already? 188 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:36,440 Deb Porter: Yeah, I think there's a place for both. And we 189 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:40,280 need both. We're humans. We need relationships, as you well know. 190 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,600 Yeah, so, but there are times that things come up and they're, 191 00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:46,000 you know, family, friends or co workers, are too close to the 192 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,300 problem, like they're involved in it, or worse, they really are 193 00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:51,880 the problem, and you can't talk to them about them about it. 194 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,580 You've already tried, and there hasn't been a resolution yet, 195 00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:57,220 and it's still a little bit stuck. And so having the 196 00:11:57,220 --> 00:12:00,300 opportunity then to really talk that through can be so 197 00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:00,960 beneficial? 198 00:12:01,740 --> 00:12:03,900 Janice Porter: Okay, let's shift it to the business side. Now a 199 00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:08,040 little bit. How do you think listening and empathy skills, 200 00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:12,060 essential for your platform, translate into stronger 201 00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:15,480 professional relationships, especially in leadership or team 202 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:16,380 dynamics? Let 203 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,980 Deb Porter: me give you an example from a team training 204 00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:22,820 that I did. The gentleman asked the question, how do I offer 205 00:12:22,820 --> 00:12:28,580 empathy to the CEO who I just think is expletive deleted? And 206 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:33,020 I was like, well, that's great. That's a great question. How do 207 00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:35,780 you do that? Like, what do you what do you think it's like in 208 00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:39,800 his role right now? And so we really started to just think 209 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:43,720 about, have, have you had an opportunity to interact with 210 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:47,320 him, very much on a personal level? Have you Do you know much 211 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:51,700 about what the pressures are in his life, in his role? And I 212 00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:55,120 started to offer questions and further, like develop that, and 213 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:58,180 kind of develop a persona of of a guy that he really hadn't seen 214 00:12:58,180 --> 00:13:02,160 as a person. He saw him as this thing, but he didn't understand 215 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,640 that he might be responding as a as a result of the pressures he 216 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,460 felt in in the role, and he might actually be trying to 217 00:13:08,460 --> 00:13:12,780 protect this gentleman. And he was missing that. He wasn't even 218 00:13:12,780 --> 00:13:15,960 seeing that. And so we can develop empathy by really 219 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,860 looking all the way around what, what it is that they're 220 00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:23,000 presenting us what, and then starting to wonder, okay, well, 221 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:23,600 how, 222 00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:25,880 Janice Porter: what are they presenting? What 223 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,220 Deb Porter: are they exactly? Yeah, well, and that can get 224 00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:30,620 tricky, because what you don't want to do is make assumptions 225 00:13:30,620 --> 00:13:34,880 about people that's that's never better, but asking questions and 226 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:37,640 getting you know, curiosity, I know, is one of your things, 227 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:42,760 yeah, and so I think that's super important. When we get 228 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,580 curious and we we suspend our judgment a little bit, and we 229 00:13:45,580 --> 00:13:48,340 start to look all the way around the problem, then we can get 230 00:13:48,340 --> 00:13:51,460 somewhere, somewhere new and different, and have empathy, 231 00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:54,040 exactly as you said, for for someone else that it's a 232 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:54,640 struggle with. 233 00:13:56,320 --> 00:14:01,080 Janice Porter: Okay? So as someone who listens to life's 234 00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:05,580 many dramas. How do you handle your own emotional balance while 235 00:14:05,580 --> 00:14:07,920 being so involved in others experiences? 236 00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:12,660 Deb Porter: So as I stated at the beginning, I am a spiritual 237 00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:15,660 person. So that's that's a part of who I am and what I do. And 238 00:14:15,660 --> 00:14:19,020 so I have a very strong meditation practice that I start 239 00:14:19,020 --> 00:14:22,700 my morning with, and I understand that if I don't take 240 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,800 care of me, I don't have anything to pour out of so 241 00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:27,920 before this conversation, you may have noticed that I was into 242 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,320 the Zoom Room five minutes ahead of time, and so I was already 243 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:33,560 doing some centering things for myself before this conversation 244 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,560 to make sure I was at my best to be able to present to you and 245 00:14:36,740 --> 00:14:38,720 your audience something that was really powerful, 246 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:44,380 Janice Porter: perfect. Thank you. So what are your hopes for 247 00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:50,020 the future of hold hearing out life drama? I know I think 248 00:14:50,020 --> 00:14:52,540 you've got some exciting projects or collaborations on 249 00:14:52,540 --> 00:14:55,240 the horizon, anything you'd like to share with us? 250 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,680 Deb Porter: Oh my goodness. So I'm really excited about the 251 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:05,820 part. Partnerships with lawyers that we've got started, and the 252 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:10,560 whole concept around that is, you know, lawyers are went into 253 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:15,120 it because they wanted to uphold the law and help people and but 254 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,640 as I understand their background and training, they were taught 255 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,800 the law, but they weren't necessarily taught the emotional 256 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,520 intelligence skills, and so a lot of them got thrown into the 257 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:26,720 deep end without knowing how to do the active listening and the 258 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,540 emotional intelligence piece is really required. And they can 259 00:15:29,540 --> 00:15:33,080 feel really overwhelmed by all of that. It can feel like, for 260 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:38,660 example, one, one woman wrote, you know, I just spent the last, 261 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,920 I don't know, six months, nine months, on this woman's case, 262 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:46,000 and I wrote 85 I think it was 85 emails. It was a ridiculous 263 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,640 amount. And, you know, answering, showing up in court, 264 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,220 doing all the things, and she won and and the Google review 265 00:15:51,220 --> 00:15:54,460 that she left was that I did a good job. Like, what, what do 266 00:15:54,460 --> 00:15:58,300 these people want from me? And what, what people want from you 267 00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:01,440 is really that active listening and that emotional intelligence, 268 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,600 and when you present that, that's what's really going to 269 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,420 connect and give you that excellent review. Yeah, for 270 00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:07,200 sure. Okay, so 271 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,180 Janice Porter: we're talking about a specific type of 272 00:16:09,420 --> 00:16:14,640 attorney here, or lawyer, a divorce and family lawyer, okay, 273 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,300 and, and I know exactly what you're talking about. They, they 274 00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:27,020 can come across as very stiff or very left brain, all left brain, 275 00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:31,820 right? You don't see any emotion. But now I forgot what I 276 00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:38,660 was going to say. What was I going to say? Oh, that is the, I 277 00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:42,280 don't know. There's a fine line right between them, having to be 278 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:46,660 in control for you when you're having all the emotional upset 279 00:16:46,660 --> 00:16:51,040 about what you're going through, but that empathy piece again, 280 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,640 come needs to be there. You know, I can know you're 281 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,580 listening to me, but I don't know that you actually care, or 282 00:16:57,580 --> 00:17:01,320 I'm just another case number. So that's the important piece for 283 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:05,400 me. I think there, and I've been through through that, so I I 284 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:14,460 totally identify. But do you find that the lawyers or 285 00:17:14,460 --> 00:17:18,780 attorneys that you're that are coming your way are female, or 286 00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:20,040 are they male and female? 287 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,020 Deb Porter: At this time, I see a lot more interest on the how, 288 00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:29,720 on, on the male side, I would say it's probably, uh, 7525 75% 289 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,440 male. It's, it's strongly leaning that way in terms of the 290 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,680 business. It also strongly leans that way in terms of my, the 291 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,560 personal side of my business, that is entirely female. Um, 292 00:17:40,580 --> 00:17:42,700 that's, but that's way more skewed 97% 293 00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:48,100 Janice Porter: Wow. Okay, yeah, okay, 294 00:17:53,260 --> 00:17:56,680 okay, so let's just elaborate on that, just a little bit, because 295 00:17:56,680 --> 00:18:00,900 I think it's a great partnership. So if not not 296 00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:03,960 saying I have divorce attorneys as my audience, but one never 297 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:07,260 knows there may be somebody out there listening. But what would 298 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:10,740 you say are the key benefits of partnering with someone like you 299 00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:13,800 to support their clients beyond the legal framework? 300 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:19,680 Deb Porter: I think that the first benefit is, of course, the 301 00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:24,200 calm mind. Because if, if a client's able to have a 302 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:29,300 conversation with myself or one of my colleagues and really be 303 00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:32,420 heard, they'll be able to come into the meeting with you with a 304 00:18:32,420 --> 00:18:36,680 clear mind, and instead of presenting all of this having 305 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:40,900 that emotional dysregulation, they'll be able to to create 306 00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:44,440 that more quickly and maintain it throughout. 307 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,100 Janice Porter: Do you think that is part of your work then going 308 00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:53,380 to be or is it working with their clients, with the with the 309 00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:57,640 actual client, or is it strictly working with the attorney to 310 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:01,800 help them with the skills they need to be a better divorce 311 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:02,580 lawyer. Let's say, 312 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:07,620 Deb Porter: Well, if the attorney is is open to learning 313 00:19:07,620 --> 00:19:10,740 that, yes, 100% then then that mentoring is open and available. 314 00:19:10,740 --> 00:19:14,040 But the actual offer on the landing page right now is 315 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:17,280 specifically combining our ebook along with the listening 316 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:19,440 appointments for their clients. Got it? Okay? 317 00:19:20,820 --> 00:19:26,300 Janice Porter: So I something, I ask people a lot, because I 318 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:31,640 remember talking, or I told you, I taught listening as part of 319 00:19:32,660 --> 00:19:37,280 the cus the telephone, courtesy that I taught, and it was used, 320 00:19:37,340 --> 00:19:39,620 it was mostly around the telephone, right? Because it was 321 00:19:39,620 --> 00:19:42,460 the telephone company that I worked for, so we did a lot of 322 00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:46,180 telephone training, and I had a book and account I didn't find 323 00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:49,240 it again. It's in my shelf somewhere about active 324 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,780 listening. And the very first thing that the guy talks about 325 00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:58,540 is the the acronym for the word or the an anagram for the word 326 00:19:58,540 --> 00:20:02,400 listen. Do. You know, you probably know it the anagram for 327 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:03,360 the word listen. 328 00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:10,260 Deb Porter: I don't actually silent. I have heard that 329 00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:12,240 actually now that you say that, I'm like, Oh yeah, light bulb, 330 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:13,920 Janice Porter: though, isn't that? Like, 331 00:20:14,220 --> 00:20:14,700 Deb Porter: yes. 332 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,740 Janice Porter: How did that happen? Like, that's like, 333 00:20:16,980 --> 00:20:19,980 that's just so interesting to me, just that whole concept, 334 00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:23,840 because when you're listening, you need to be silent. And I 335 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,960 don't get it. I like, how did that happen to me? That's just a 336 00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:32,300 quirk and that somebody noticed it, you know? I 337 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,280 Deb Porter: think it's the universe playing with us. 338 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:34,760 Actually, 339 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:41,140 Janice Porter: there are no accidents right there. Okay? I 340 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:47,860 just thought that was kind of fun. So do you have, and this is 341 00:20:47,860 --> 00:20:50,980 putting you on the spot, but you can say no if you don't. But do 342 00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:59,980 you have any a story of somebody that you, that you know really, 343 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:04,500 that you really helped and taught what they needed, that 344 00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:07,440 sent them on their way a better person. Oh, it was so great, 345 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,420 Deb Porter: because I love that you asked this question because 346 00:21:09,420 --> 00:21:12,720 I had a conversation actually, with a mentee last night. We 347 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:16,500 happened to connect again, and she said, Oh my gosh, Deb, I was 348 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:20,040 using the skills that you taught me just today at the end of her 349 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:23,420 work day she had had. So she's a sales professional, and she 350 00:21:23,420 --> 00:21:27,440 takes inbound calls for a health health company, health health 351 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:33,380 company selling products. And she ended up on a call with a 352 00:21:33,380 --> 00:21:39,440 very irate client who had been mistreated by one of her 353 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:44,020 colleagues, and was they were very, very angry, and she said 354 00:21:44,020 --> 00:21:48,400 that she applied absolutely everything I had taught her in 355 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:53,020 the conversation. And at the end, the person said, can I just 356 00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:55,540 work with you directly? Can I just, can I just have your Can I 357 00:21:55,540 --> 00:22:00,180 have your direct line and just do all my sales through you? And 358 00:22:00,180 --> 00:22:04,440 she said, and debit, and debit only took 10 minutes. It only 359 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:08,340 took 10 minutes. And I was like, yes, that's that's the power of 360 00:22:08,340 --> 00:22:11,760 listening. This is what this is what it is people. And it's just 361 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:15,060 so fun and so beautiful. And she was so happy, because, as she 362 00:22:15,060 --> 00:22:17,280 applies it in her work, she understands now she doesn't have 363 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:20,160 to fix people's problems. She She understands because before, 364 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,880 when we started working she had all of this weight that she was 365 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,400 carrying, and she was like, dragging their problems along 366 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,440 with her. Like, you don't have to do that. Don't do that. 367 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,140 There's a better way. Let me show you how. So anyway, we work 368 00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:32,960 together. She learned a lot of things. She applies it now, and, 369 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:33,560 yeah, 370 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,320 Janice Porter: it's good. That's amazing. Okay, so that you need 371 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:40,100 to help me here, because customer service and customer 372 00:22:40,100 --> 00:22:44,260 service issues just really rile me up when they're when I don't 373 00:22:44,260 --> 00:22:47,260 get good customer service, because I used to teach it, so I 374 00:22:47,380 --> 00:22:51,280 right, and it's so different today than it was okay, and 375 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,120 nobody seems to care. Because you can't find you can't talk to 376 00:22:55,120 --> 00:23:00,780 anybody in so many sorry, in so many instances, you can't talk 377 00:23:00,780 --> 00:23:06,000 to anybody. You have to, you know, talk online, chat online 378 00:23:06,540 --> 00:23:10,380 or email, which drives me crazy. I want to talk to someone, so 379 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,780 they're great. When they when you want to buy something, 380 00:23:12,780 --> 00:23:15,180 they'll talk to you. But when you want to fix something, they 381 00:23:15,180 --> 00:23:20,900 really okay. So I've had this ongoing issue with my cable 382 00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:25,760 company, Shaw, and I will say Shaw, which is here locally, but 383 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,580 it was just bought by they just merged with another company, and 384 00:23:28,580 --> 00:23:33,560 the service has gone down the tubes. And when you do finally 385 00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:38,720 get hold of somebody, you want them to care. They may not be 386 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,220 able to fix the problem themselves, but you just want 387 00:23:42,220 --> 00:23:47,980 them to care, not real off the the response that they've got 388 00:23:47,980 --> 00:23:50,740 written on a piece of paper that says, I'm so sorry that you've 389 00:23:50,740 --> 00:23:55,060 had this. I don't get, you know, don't give me that just right, 390 00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:59,080 right? So how do you deal with that? What do you do when you 391 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,580 come up against that? Because I'm ready to kill so I have to, 392 00:24:03,060 --> 00:24:07,620 you know, I have to, first of all say to them, Look, I know 393 00:24:07,620 --> 00:24:10,140 it's not your fault. I know you're reading from here, or 394 00:24:10,140 --> 00:24:13,200 you're doing this because you're and you're being recorded, but I 395 00:24:13,260 --> 00:24:15,540 just want somebody to help me. 396 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:18,720 Deb Porter: That's where the story of the thrashed potatoes 397 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:24,440 in my family came from. So I actually had a really bad so my 398 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,740 husband was sick. We're now divorced, but my husband was 399 00:24:27,740 --> 00:24:30,440 sick for very sick for eight years, and I had an experience 400 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,140 where I was trying to resolve a medical issue for him that was 401 00:24:33,140 --> 00:24:36,500 so frustrating. It was incredibly frustrating. And I 402 00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:39,200 was also fixing, trying to fix dinner and care for my kids 403 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:44,200 while I was caring for the sick man, and at the end of the call, 404 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,840 I thrashed the potatoes. I didn't match them. I thrashed 405 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,360 them. And so now it's a whole joke among our family. Anyway, 406 00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:56,380 yeah, so how do I deal with it? Obviously, much like you, the 407 00:24:56,380 --> 00:24:59,380 frustration grows, right? Because it's before you ever get 408 00:24:59,380 --> 00:25:02,100 to the person. You're already dysregulated because you're 409 00:25:02,100 --> 00:25:06,300 frustrated because you had to push crap. Was it three or was 410 00:25:06,300 --> 00:25:09,780 it? Is it actually a number two issue, like, which, like trying 411 00:25:09,780 --> 00:25:14,940 to understand their system so and then when you finally do get 412 00:25:14,940 --> 00:25:19,020 a person, sometimes they disconnect. I've had that happen 413 00:25:19,020 --> 00:25:22,100 that's incredibly, oh man, don't start on that. That's really, 414 00:25:22,100 --> 00:25:26,180 really, yeah, you know, those, those people that pass the hot 415 00:25:26,180 --> 00:25:29,000 potato, that's what I call it in my trainings like, you know, 416 00:25:29,060 --> 00:25:32,780 like, hot potato, hot potato, hot potato. Somebody take the 417 00:25:32,780 --> 00:25:35,600 time. Doesn't take long. Everybody thinks it's going to 418 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,000 take this long time to deal with this angry person. It doesn't. 419 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:41,740 It doesn't take a long time. It takes knowing what to do and how 420 00:25:41,740 --> 00:25:45,460 to do it in a kind, compassionate way, to share, to 421 00:25:45,460 --> 00:25:50,380 share some a little bit of empathy and and be honest and 422 00:25:50,380 --> 00:25:54,640 authentic like and you know, managers need to be telling 423 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,640 people it's okay if you don't know the answer, send you know 424 00:25:57,700 --> 00:26:00,900 that it's okay if you don't know the answer. And so this is part 425 00:26:00,900 --> 00:26:04,800 of, you know, again, you've done training for teams. I've that's 426 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,500 part of what I'm doing now, training teams. How do we 427 00:26:07,500 --> 00:26:10,800 deescalate these dragons that, come on, that come on, and it's 428 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:13,080 because it's an art. It is. 429 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:16,740 Janice Porter: I mean, I finally, after three or four or 430 00:26:16,740 --> 00:26:20,720 five times of waiting on hold at least an hour and a half. One 431 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,480 time 30 minutes, another time 30 minutes, and I can't stay. I 432 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:28,160 gotta go. I got things to do, and then I finally decided to 433 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:32,900 call the department that renegotiated my contract with 434 00:26:32,900 --> 00:26:36,620 me, rather than the customer service department, because they 435 00:26:36,620 --> 00:26:41,020 were real quick. So I did, and they answered, and I went, This 436 00:26:41,020 --> 00:26:43,960 is amazing. I said, very interesting. And the guy said, 437 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,540 but you're in the wrong department. I said, I know, I 438 00:26:46,540 --> 00:26:49,780 know I'm in the wrong department because I can't get through to 439 00:26:49,780 --> 00:26:55,420 the right department. And the guy ended up being quite nice 440 00:26:55,420 --> 00:26:57,580 about it. And he said, I'll transfer you. I said, Nope, 441 00:26:57,580 --> 00:26:59,800 don't transfer me, and not unless you're going to stay on 442 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,700 hold until I get somebody right, because I'm not like. He said, 443 00:27:02,700 --> 00:27:06,960 Listen. He said, If I transfer you to the customer service 444 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:10,320 department, you'll get through fairly quickly because you've 445 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:14,100 come from another department. I said, you're kidding. He said, 446 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:19,980 No, it's just the way it is. So I said, Okay, he transfers me, I 447 00:27:19,980 --> 00:27:23,840 get through in two minutes. Wow. I'm like, I don't believe it. 448 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:26,600 What am I going to do next time? I'm not going to call customer 449 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,880 service. I'm going to call there and do the same thing again. 450 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:35,480 Because I can't believe that was so ridiculous. So yeah, but then 451 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,360 I finally got some satisfaction, because this girl did care, and 452 00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:41,440 she did listen, and she, you know, assured me that she would 453 00:27:41,860 --> 00:27:47,260 stay with me till my problem was solved. But the when you get so 454 00:27:47,260 --> 00:27:51,640 frustrated, the first person that gets you gets all of that, 455 00:27:51,700 --> 00:27:53,860 yes, they do. Yeah. So yes, 456 00:27:53,860 --> 00:27:56,440 Deb Porter: yes, they do. And it's the wise person, the one on 457 00:27:56,440 --> 00:28:00,840 the front line that's getting that they have to understand 458 00:28:00,900 --> 00:28:06,420 that it's not theirs to carry and it's theirs to do the best 459 00:28:06,420 --> 00:28:10,980 they can in that moment, and believe that by doing that, they 460 00:28:10,980 --> 00:28:13,980 have helped, and that's what matters 461 00:28:14,220 --> 00:28:17,580 Janice Porter: Well, and that's, yeah, sorry, go ahead. That's 462 00:28:17,940 --> 00:28:19,740 Deb Porter: how you go home at the end of the day and feel 463 00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:21,980 satisfied. That's how you go home at the end of the day, and 464 00:28:21,980 --> 00:28:24,920 you're not bringing all of this junk home with you through the 465 00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,740 front door to your kids, yeah, or your dog, or whatever. 466 00:28:27,740 --> 00:28:31,100 Janice Porter: And a good job in what you do. Right? I think 467 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,920 today, though, here's a question for you, last question before I 468 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:40,340 get to something else, do you notice a difference when you're 469 00:28:40,340 --> 00:28:46,480 training teams today, then maybe a few years ago, because, 470 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:50,740 because of the digital world, because things have changed so 471 00:28:50,740 --> 00:28:53,440 much, because we can't get through to anybody and all of 472 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,860 that, and because of the generation that we're working 473 00:28:56,860 --> 00:29:02,100 with in often younger Things are different. I feel like they 474 00:29:02,100 --> 00:29:07,020 don't have the same empathy skills, the same listening 475 00:29:07,020 --> 00:29:08,340 skills today, 476 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:13,560 Deb Porter: yeah, since I've started my business, I've I have 477 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:17,820 created the core, which is what I teach, and the emotional 478 00:29:17,820 --> 00:29:22,760 intelligence pieces are kind of baked into that and for me, and 479 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:27,140 what I found is, when you really listen to where someone's 480 00:29:27,140 --> 00:29:32,240 starting from the interaction, that's where it's rich, right? 481 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,820 Starting starting from that, just like I talked about with 482 00:29:34,820 --> 00:29:37,100 this other client, right? Started from where she was, 483 00:29:37,100 --> 00:29:41,800 helped her get to where she needed to go. And just depends 484 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,740 on where they're starting from, what they really need from, from 485 00:29:44,740 --> 00:29:46,060 me, and you see a 486 00:29:46,060 --> 00:29:48,880 Janice Porter: resistance at all with the younger people, or do 487 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:53,620 you see a tuning out at all because they everything's very 488 00:29:53,620 --> 00:29:57,760 quick today, right? And so they might be listening to what 489 00:29:57,760 --> 00:29:59,920 you're talking about. They're on their phone at the same time. 490 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:04,620 Deb Porter: Hmm, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fun, because they, 491 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,840 they got permission for that when they were in school, and 492 00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:08,940 so, yeah, they're, they're bringing it into the workplace 493 00:30:08,940 --> 00:30:11,820 now, and that's a whole thing. Yes, indeed. Sorry, teachers out 494 00:30:11,820 --> 00:30:14,220 there, if there's a teacher listening in, I don't know. I 495 00:30:14,220 --> 00:30:16,020 don't know. Just, just 496 00:30:16,020 --> 00:30:18,540 Janice Porter: mandated here where I live, that phones aren't 497 00:30:18,540 --> 00:30:22,760 allowed in the classroom anymore. But there's no 498 00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:26,000 consistency about how it's being regulated. So it's going to be a 499 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,780 disaster. But anyway, it's another story. But yeah, so, so 500 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:31,460 do you find a difference then? 501 00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:36,620 Deb Porter: Yeah, there. There really is I. I attempt, in all 502 00:30:36,620 --> 00:30:39,500 of my teaching and all of my training to be short and quick 503 00:30:39,740 --> 00:30:43,360 and to make it. You know, it doesn't take a long time to 504 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,880 learn what I teach. It just takes practice and intention. I 505 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:50,080 really believe that, and because I do that, I really feel like 506 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:53,380 it's applicable to any any person of any age. Only Did you 507 00:30:53,380 --> 00:30:56,380 know, only 2% of people, at least in the US have have ever 508 00:30:56,380 --> 00:31:00,480 had any active listening training at all. 2% isn't that 509 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:04,020 astounding. It's not taught in our schools. Only 2% the that 510 00:31:04,020 --> 00:31:07,440 kind of just blows my mind. That statistics probably about eight 511 00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:10,680 years old, now nine years old, so I maybe it's gone up. I would 512 00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,740 like to believe that I'm a part of that change, and I'm going to 513 00:31:13,740 --> 00:31:16,680 change that a lot. But yeah, oh, 514 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:22,580 Janice Porter: wow, yeah, that's that goes back to I'll tell you 515 00:31:22,580 --> 00:31:27,680 when I think you're listening, because it's true. Yeah, that's 516 00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:31,340 amazing. That's very sad, actually. Okay, this is so much 517 00:31:31,340 --> 00:31:34,520 fun. I could talk about this forever, because I think it's 518 00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:39,320 such an important skill and to do properly and and, you know, 519 00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:42,040 even like, I have a little granddaughter who's the light of 520 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:46,420 my life, and she's just starting school, and all of the sort of 521 00:31:46,420 --> 00:31:49,180 preschool training and the you know, the things that you teach 522 00:31:49,180 --> 00:31:52,420 them when they're toddlers and whatever at home, if we can 523 00:31:52,420 --> 00:31:57,340 teach them to listen and to act accordingly, or to learn 524 00:31:57,340 --> 00:32:00,720 something by listening, as opposed to by seeing as well. 525 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:04,920 They get those that practice and so on. It's an ongoing thing. 526 00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:08,100 It's a skill that we have to learn. And that's really 527 00:32:08,100 --> 00:32:12,000 interesting that you that there's only 2% did you say 2% 528 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:13,380 Wow. 529 00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:14,640 Deb Porter: Okay, 530 00:32:15,180 --> 00:32:17,160 Janice Porter: amazing. Okay, how can people get hold of you? 531 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,620 And then I've got one last question for you. How can people 532 00:32:19,620 --> 00:32:19,800 share? 533 00:32:20,820 --> 00:32:23,780 Deb Porter: Yeah, so I'm on LinkedIn. Of course you can find 534 00:32:23,780 --> 00:32:26,840 me there, and if you want to send me an email, I'd love to 535 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,120 read it, info at hearing at life drama.com, 536 00:32:29,900 --> 00:32:33,200 Janice Porter: and I will put those that that on the show 537 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:37,760 notes. Okay, two last questions. I lied. First one, you know that 538 00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:41,980 I love curiosity. It's my favorite thing. Two part 539 00:32:41,980 --> 00:32:47,620 question. One, do you believe that curiosity is innate or 540 00:32:47,620 --> 00:32:51,640 learned? And part two, what are you most curious about today? 541 00:32:53,740 --> 00:32:56,200 Deb Porter: I believe curiosity is innate. I believe we're born 542 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,980 with it. I believe a lot of us were taught away from it and 543 00:32:59,980 --> 00:33:08,040 taught not to be that. Yeah, I'll leave that there. And then 544 00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:09,600 the second part of your question one 545 00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:11,940 Janice Porter: more time was, what are you most curious about 546 00:33:11,940 --> 00:33:12,600 these days? 547 00:33:20,100 --> 00:33:22,520 Deb Porter: I just love following. The next question. I 548 00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:25,520 just love following. So like this morning, I was working with 549 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:29,120 my business partner, Linda, and we were writing blog posts for 550 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,180 LinkedIn, and she had an idea, and it led to another question, 551 00:33:32,180 --> 00:33:34,400 another question, another question. I just love to follow. 552 00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:38,840 That that's what brings me so much joy and allowing myself, 553 00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:41,000 because that's really if you think about it, that's how we 554 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,660 started. That's how we were as kids, and we just allowed 555 00:33:43,660 --> 00:33:46,780 ourselves to follow that. And so that's really what I'm about 556 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:50,680 working on now in my life, is allowing myself the joy of 557 00:33:50,860 --> 00:33:53,380 reconnecting with that, because that's really the moment, 558 00:33:53,380 --> 00:33:56,560 really, is what? Yes, yes, being in the moment, following that, 559 00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:59,500 allowing that, yeah, that's all really, really rich and good. I 560 00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:01,980 don't think it's any a curiosity, necessarily about any 561 00:34:01,980 --> 00:34:05,220 one thing. It's just about allowing it all to be there. 562 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,720 Janice Porter: Well, in my experience of you, you are very 563 00:34:09,720 --> 00:34:14,400 good listener, and you pay attention to the details, and 564 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:18,120 you're also a very good connector, and that's very 565 00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:22,580 that's a very special skill, and much appreciated, because I've 566 00:34:22,580 --> 00:34:24,920 met some interesting people through you. So that's really, 567 00:34:24,980 --> 00:34:30,800 really special. One last piece of advice from my audience, or 568 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:32,660 something that you want to share 569 00:34:34,459 --> 00:34:37,099 Deb Porter: if you want to be remembered, listen, 570 00:34:39,199 --> 00:34:41,679 Janice Porter: okay, love it. Thank you. Deb, 571 00:34:41,739 --> 00:34:44,019 Deb Porter: this is so thank you really good. Janice, thank 572 00:34:44,020 --> 00:34:46,840 Janice Porter: you, and I always say at the end of my podcast to 573 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,840 my audience, first of all, thank you, and second of all, stay 574 00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:52,480 connected and be remembered. Yes, thank.