Speaker 1 00:00:05 Hey there, thoughtful listener. Are you looking for introductions to partners, investors, influencers and clients? Well, I've had private conversations with over 2000 leaders asking them where their best business comes from. I've got a free video you can watch with no opt in required, where I'll share the exact steps necessary to be 100% inbound in your industry over the next 6 to 8 months, with no spam, no ads, and no sales. What I teach has worked for me for over 15 years, and has helped me create eight figures in revenue for my own companies. Just head to up my influence. Com and watch my free class on how to create endless high ticket sales appointments. Also, don't forget the thoughtful entrepreneur is always looking for great guests. Go to up my influence. Com and click on podcast. I'd love to have you. With us right now it is Rhonda Britton. Rhonda, it's so great to have you here. You are a master coach, keynote speaker, well-known author, very well established Emmy Award winner, over 1600 or sorry, 600 episodes of reality TV, which we'll talk about just a little bit.

Speaker 1 00:01:25 And you are the founder and CEO of the Fearless Living Institute. It's all.

Speaker 2 00:01:30 True. It's all true, Josh. All true. Yes.

Speaker 1 00:01:33 You're the last thing I was going to share. Just your website, Fearless living.org. Talk about a life well-lived. Rhonda, it's great to have you.

Speaker 2 00:01:42 Thank you, thank you. I'm so excited to be here because, you know, the number one thing that any company, any individual, any team lead, any manager, any CEO deals with, if they want to improve their business, grow their business, make maximum impact is fear period. End of story.

Speaker 1 00:01:58 Yeah, yeah. And fear comes from so many places. I, you know, I think a lot of it might come from our just, you know, unconsciously that's still kind of there. It's amazing how much, Rhonda, even for talking about folks in their 40s, 50s and beyond, but how much programming is still held over from our earliest formative years?

Speaker 2 00:02:22 That's right, that's right.

Speaker 1 00:02:23 It feels frustrating. Why am I still trying to get seek my dad's approval or something, you know?

Speaker 2 00:02:29 Well, it's even, you know, you're on the right track there because it's part of our neurobiology, neurobiology. So fear is wired into us. There's no getting rid of it. Right. What it really becomes about is, you know, the old cliche of know thyself, right? Know thyself is know thyself. It's because it's the only way we can master fear. And most people just think of fear as, you know, oh, I'm procrastinating. Oh my God, I'm not getting this done. What's my problem? Oh my God, I can't, I, you know, but they're, they're really caught in what I call the wheel of fear. So they're most people are actually working on the quote unquote wrong thing. They're working on the symptoms of fear rather than fear itself. And so what I hope people do organizations, teams, individuals, understand what their fear really is because most people are dead wrong about that.

Speaker 2 00:03:15 If you ask somebody what their fear is, they're usually go, well, I'm afraid of failure or afraid of rejection or I'm, you know, and the and the generic one that most people give in some way is the fear of not being good enough. And so I like to say the fear of not being good enough is like the generic wheel of fear. But we all have an individualized one. Yours is going to be different than mine. Mine is going to be different than yours, except they all work the same. So we want to actually understand our neurobiology. We don't want to fight the fear. We actually want to master the fear.

Speaker 1 00:03:45 And what's the difference between fighting and mastering the fear.

Speaker 2 00:03:49 Well fighting is like I've got to I've got to slay the fear. I've got to get rid of the fear. I want to have no fear. It's like there's no such thing unless you have a lobotomy. Okay, here's the way our brain works. The way that we are wired in, you know, in our body and brain is by the time we are seven years old, we have developed what I call the wheel of fear.

Speaker 2 00:04:09 And that works unconsciously, as you said earlier, you know, it's an unconscious operation that we're not even aware of. And what we do is we spend our time beating ourselves up for our behavior. We end up beating ourselves up for our lack of motivation. We beat ourselves up for procrastination, for our, you know, anxiety, our overwhelm. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? Well, that's not really helpful. Not really helpful at all. Instead, we want to go, okay, those are symptoms of fear. So anxiety, complaining, comparing. I give this big quiz when I give a keynote of you know, do you deny yourself? Isolate, pretend, hide, settle, compare, manipulate, defend, judge, complain, procrastinate, worry, struggle, blame, control. Get bitter. Resentful. Irritated. Feel guilty. Perfectionistic. Overwhelmed. Self-pity. Annoyed. ignored, etc. and all of those are actually symptoms of fear. They are not actually the problem.

Speaker 2 00:05:05 So most people when they're and I'm talking about the greatest, you know, personal development junkies in the world, they're actually working on fixing the symptom rather than uncovering and uprooting the actual issue.

Speaker 1 00:05:19 Yeah. so how does one get to that next level? So, you know, I know in psychology often we talk about like, you know, primary and secondary emotions. Right. And anger is actually a secondary. I think most people will say anger is actually a representation. That's a secondary emotion. What's underneath is far more interesting. Well how do we get to what's underneath?

Speaker 2 00:05:40 Well, you know, this is where again, I want to go back to know thyself. It's willingness to tell yourself the truth. Most of us do not have a relationship with ourselves so that we actually uncover what's really true. We stay at the surface level, even for those of us who read the self-help books and do all the personal development, we're really. It's it's scary. Fear. Scary to tell ourselves the God awful truth, right? The real truth about what's holding us back.

Speaker 2 00:06:03 The real truth about what's really what we're really thinking about. Because we're so focused on strategies, we're so focused on tips, we're so focused on techniques. They keep us busy and distracted. So it's really about saying, okay, wait a minute, what if this isn't about me? What if there's nothing wrong with me? That's what I like to tell my clients, you know, and teams and organizations is like, what if there's nothing wrong with you? What if there's nothing wrong with your team, per se? And again, I'm not talking about they don't know how to do a task I'm not talking about. They don't know how to, you know, fail a project. But I'm just saying that most of us look at ourselves and think, what is wrong with me? Well, there's nothing really wrong with you. It's just fear. And we don't have a relationship with fear. We weren't taught about fear. We don't understand. It's part of our neurobiology. And so what most people do, Josh, is when they're trying to find a problem, solve a problem in the present moment and the present moment, trying to solve that problem.

Speaker 2 00:06:53 I'm going to master it. I'm going to figure it out. You know, whether it's about me personally, whether it's about my team, whether it's about my my company, what we do is the brain. Automatically the body and brain automatically go in the past to find a solution to the present problem. So just think about this. I'm in the present trying to solve a problem to create a different future, and my body and brain automatically go to the past because fear, bottom line, and the story has one job and one job only. And that is safety. It's all about safety. The problem is, is that each one of us has different safety levels on different tasks. So even even even feelings like you brought up earlier, one of the things that neuroscientists are understanding is the bigger your vocabulary around your feelings, the more you can distinguish feelings, the actually more highly emotionally intelligent you are. But most of us don't actually even work with our feelings. So in the world of fearless living in the world around a Briton, feelings are just energy.

Speaker 2 00:07:49 They're not good, they're not bad, they're just energy. So once you start working with your feelings based on energy, that doesn't have the baggage, it doesn't have the history, it doesn't have the stories, it doesn't have all the stuff that go along with it that keep you stuck in that never ending cycle of what is wrong with me? Why can't. And this, you know, we know this one. Why can't we get over this? Why are we doing this again? Right. Well, there's nothing wrong with you. It's just understanding how you operate from a personalized and individualized and unique place. Because all of us are have a different. Like what I say, it's Wheel of fear. Yours is different than mine. Mine's different than yours, but they all operate the same.

Speaker 1 00:08:29 would this be. And I know you're an author of many books. Would Fearless living for someone who's just been listening to what you were just saying right there. Would Fearless Living be a good next place to go? If someone's like, oh, I really want to learn more about that.

Speaker 1 00:08:40 Yes.

Speaker 2 00:08:41 Fearless living actually. I take you through the whole process of, you know what fear is, how to identify your fear, and you actually take you through the process of actually coming up and identifying your own personal wheel of fear and more importantly, the wheel of freedom, which is how you move forward. Right. So my clients, what they learn is they can identify their wheel of fear, they can identify their will of freedom. And so when they're stuck in a situation. So any time stuck frustrated again, however you describe that place right on procrastinated again. I'm overwhelmed again. I'm anxious again. Whatever you just how you describe it in that moment, you stop and go, okay, I'm on my wheel of fear. Stop, stop right. And I'm going to now hop on my wheel of freedom, and I give you a point by point, step by step way to do that so that you can actually have awareness choice, make decisions from your wheel of freedom rather than your wheel of fear.

Speaker 2 00:09:33 And for those of you who you know are thinking to yourself, I'm not afraid. I'm not scared. I thought that to most of my life I, I it. I grew up in Upper Michigan, in the middle of nowhere. I'm finished. We don't feel we have no fear. Right. So the fact that I'm working with fear now is hysterical because I never, ever, ever said I'm afraid or I'm scared. And most of us who who are I Achievers. Don't.

Speaker 1 00:09:58 Is it true that you're from the UPN or finish. Because I am the UPN and finish.

Speaker 2 00:10:02 You are kidding me.

Speaker 1 00:10:04 Josh I was born in Houghton Hancock and I say I.

Speaker 2 00:10:08 Am from Hancock. Yes I went to Hancock High School.

Speaker 1 00:10:13 Oh my gosh. So yeah that's where. So that's where my mom was born and raised. My grandma is still up there. She owns the, health food store up there.

Speaker 2 00:10:21 So I go to the health food store every time I'm there because that's where I get all my stuff.

Speaker 1 00:10:26 So, you know my grandma.

Speaker 2 00:10:27 Oh, I have probably met your grandma. Yeah, yeah, because I go up there every summer and I say, oh, my God. Yeah, I go up there every summer. And of course, fall's the best. We all know that.

Speaker 1 00:10:37 Oh, gorgeous.

Speaker 2 00:10:38 Gorgeous. Did you go to Houghton High School?

Speaker 1 00:10:40 I did so, so, after I was born. Then we relocated around the, you know, all around the Great Lakes region. but we spent I spent my summers up there, so we just we probably.

Speaker 2 00:10:50 Played in Lake Superior and Hancock Beach, and now they got to Houghton Beach. Now. Yeah, there was no Houghton Beach. It was just Hancock Beach. And you've been to Copper Harbor many a time. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 00:11:00 Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Well, we'll talk more another time about that. Oh my.

Speaker 2 00:11:04 God. Because we all know that we never had a McDonald's there.

Speaker 1 00:11:07 Yeah I should say, you, share what I would consider many Finns to have very blessed genetics.

Speaker 1 00:11:15 I suspect, you know, one thing that I think that is, well known among fins is they they tend to maintain youth.

Speaker 2 00:11:22 I say, oh, my God. I went to lunch with a new friend yesterday. I sat down and the first thing she said to me is, you've got no wrinkles. And I'm like, sorry, I don't know what to say. Yeah, yeah, but I'm 100. I'm 100% finished.

Speaker 1 00:11:34 Oh my gosh. Yep. Well, my my mom married a mutt, so I'm only half I'm having a little.

Speaker 2 00:11:40 Bit of stuff.

Speaker 1 00:11:41 Yeah, yeah. So hey so I want to ask you about this, Rhonda, because I think one thing that I've been thinking about.

Speaker 2 00:11:48 This back in that we're from the exact same place. Oh, it's.

Speaker 1 00:11:50 Crazy crazy, crazy crazy small world. you know, the thing that brings bring has brought me comfort from time to time is when I feel burdened with my worry or concern or anxiety or depressed sadness. Whatever the thing is, is I tend to think that that's only a me problem, when in fact everyone's got their own stuff.

Speaker 1 00:12:17 You're. And you know, the language I used for myself is Josh, you're not that special.

Speaker 2 00:12:23 Oh, yeah, that. But that hurts sometimes, doesn't it? I mean, the first time you say that to yourself, it's like a sword going in your heart, right? Yes. What do you mean? I'm not that special? I've been on TV, right? Like, you know, weeks, right?

Speaker 1 00:12:34 And I the fact is, what I'm referring to.

Speaker 2 00:12:36 Exactly. So. But that's building an empathy, right? That's building and compassion. And one of the first, you know, I have three daily practices that I ask all clients to follow. And and the third one is actually compassion, because you and I both know how difficult it is when you are trying to build something, grow something. You know, you're you're you know, the fires at your back, right? And and the wind isn't there. The fire is. And you're like, oh my God, I gotta get going.

Speaker 2 00:12:59 I gotta get going, I gotta get going, I gotta get going. Compassion is the first thing we drop. So I introduce a word to my clients. I always say get prepared because it's going to feel like a swear word to you. And it's the word gentle. You know, as we achieve our greatest accomplishments, the more gentle we are and the more compassionate we are with ourselves, the more successful and the more integrated and the more embodied it will be. Instead of it being a one off, instead of it being like, oh, I hope I get to keep it instead of it being like tenuous, right? We want to keep it so it's integrated, embodied, aware. So the more gentle we are, the more compassionate. Again, gentle is not for wimps. It's actually a very courageous, very fearless act. So the more that we can bring in and this also I'm going to skip for a second. It's also includes like team leads if you're a manager or a CEO, etc..

Speaker 2 00:13:50 one of the things that I find is when I go and work with a company. You know, they're just irritated with their employees or their team. But why aren't they working faster? Why aren't they working better? I mean, I'm I'm telling them what to do. I don't understand what's going on. Right. And I understand that I have been there myself. And what we forget when we're on a mission is we forget that there's actually human beings working for us, right? And they have their own issues, right? They have. You know, I had a nephew go in the hospital recently, right? I had an employee had to get Covid, right? Like I have to work within all of these human in the human terms. So we want to actually enlarge our heart. It's not small. It's enlarging our heart and large in our compassion, enlarging our gentleness, enlarging that actually makes us more fearless.

Speaker 1 00:14:39 I also have to get your take on the impact of social media on on how this either exasperates our feelings of, not being enough or, you know, our own where we say, well, I'm not like the other people because the other people don't seem to have the same kind of problems or fears that I have.

Speaker 1 00:15:01 And so therefore, again, there's something wrong with me.

Speaker 2 00:15:05 Yes. Well, competition. Right. Competition is the, is the devil itself. Right? And, you know, our whole economic, you know, ecosystem is on some level based on competition, right? We're always looking at stock prices. We're always looking at who's doing what, what they what do they create. So we're constantly looking over our shoulder. So that level of competing and comparing is actually defeating and deflating for so many people. And I know sometimes no somebody right now is listening to us going, well, it excites me. I love competition and comparing. It's like, oh right, well, that may be true in 1 or 2 areas of your life, but I doubt it's true in all areas of your life, because I can imagine that you are married and you have kids and you are competing with your kids or you compare it with your partner and you're competing. That's not actually healthy and nobody actually wants that at home.

Speaker 2 00:15:58 So, you know, you've got to be able to put those in the silos that they belong and actually look at it through a lens that really empowers you. So yes, social media for the most part has not supported us. I mean, every study says so, you know, there's no there's no study out there that says social. More social media would be good for us. No, every study says that social media disempowers us, which is why we have social media teams, right? Which is why we have other people doing it for us so we don't have to get on. I mean, I, I, of course, probably like you, we have social media teams and do I get on? Sure, I get on, but I attempt to not get on almost every day because I know I could get sucked in. Right. What's that person doing? What book are they writing? What's going on over there? It's like, no, people ask me when I was first starting out in 1995, I've been doing this for almost 30 years.

Speaker 2 00:16:44 Is that how did you become successful so quickly? I said, I put my blinders on, my blinders on, and I didn't look at what anyone else is doing. And when I'm having a bad day. Josh, when I'm having a bad week, when I'm caught up in my stuff, many times it's because I turned and looked behind my back, looked over my shoulder and was looking at what somebody else was doing. And it started, you know, eating away at my confidence, eating away that comparing mindset. So we want to leave that behind. And again, I know that's fuel for so many people and they think it's a good thing. But I dare say what is the cost on you emotionally. What's the cost on you psychologically? What's the cost on your family and friends? So think about that, not just from a level of oh, it excites me for business, but what is it doing to your personal life?

Speaker 1 00:17:32 Rhonda, this has been just such a great conversation and I want more.

Speaker 1 00:17:36 so, and I suspect that our friend who's listening also wants more. you're the author of many books. You have a lot of resources, you produce a lot of great content. Would you mind sharing? You know, obviously we there's your podcast as well. So to our friend that's listening. You can just search for master coach mindset and find that hit subscribe. Start binge listening. But Rhonda, I know you've got so much that that kind of people who are interested in this topic, where do they go from here?

Speaker 2 00:18:05 They go to Fearless Living. Org and I would love to just drop a little freebie for your listeners. And it's it is actually one of my most requested classes because it is about curing procrastination, because most of us think that's the problem, right? Like, if I could just quit today, I'll be so much better, right? So go ahead and go to Fearless Living org fearless living.org/risk risk. And then put your name and email in. You'll get access to a very quick three 50 minute videos, 45 minutes total, a bunch of worksheets.

Speaker 2 00:18:36 Learn how to do the exercise, stretch, risk and die. It is going to shift your way of taking action. And if you have been sitting on a project, if you're wondering why am I not doing this, I promise you, stretch, risk and die is going to give you the answer. And at the very end of that third video, I talk a little bit about the Wheel of Fear. So you're going to get a little bit more, dive into what that is. And of course, go and read Fearless Living. Fearless Living, my book. If you want to find out about The Wheel of Fear. And of course, if you really want to work with me, come on over and join Fearless You, which I teach in there twice a month. And so you're going to get a big dose of Rhonda, a big dose of my courses, big dose of my community and get fearless up.

Speaker 1 00:19:16 Ronda, one last thing. You know, because we do have a lot of business owners that are listening to this, and obviously there's application for ourselves as leaders.

Speaker 1 00:19:23 but you also work with organizations or leaders of teams. And what what is that?

Speaker 2 00:19:29 Well, what I do well depends on the obviously the company, but sometimes I go in to just do a keynote, right and inspire and support and build. Other times I go in like I went in a blue shield of America, of California, and I was in there for two years, and not only did I work with the CEO team, but I also worked with the teams across the board and actually created an accountability, Hold whole process, a survey, a quiz, and really built accountability and this mindset of fearlessness inside that corporation. I went in there on a regular basis and did workshops, and like I said, I had one on ones with the C-suite so I can do anything but, you know, do amazing, amazing keynote, which, by the way, guaranteed, guaranteed, standing ovation, guaranteed. Like you, your team will be like, that's amazing. Yes, they will that trust me.

Speaker 2 00:20:19 And they would blow their mind when they think of it. Fear. Because this is the thing that happens, Josh, when they start realizing it's fear, they have to quit blaming their manager and quit blaming their, you know, their their team leader. They have to quit blaming their other coworkers because you have to take responsibility for your fear. So yeah, whether it's a keynote, whether it's coming in and doing a one time I went into a company and did a mission work. They wanted to be like, my, my, my company needs to be like all together, and we're all scattered and we're not aligned. Well, I went in and did vision work and I actually what I did is I tied the personal visions of each, each person working for the company to the company's vision. And all of a sudden everything changed for every single person there. The whole like room was open mouth. So what I do is I obviously talk to the talk to the people who want to hire me, help them figure out their biggest problem and create a personalized, unique, individualized program.

Speaker 2 00:21:08 Because that's what my superpower is.

Speaker 1 00:21:10 I love it. Rhonda Britton again, master coach, keynote speaker, author. We didn't even talk about all your TV work that you've done over the decade. So good. My goodness, what a resume and so many lives that you've had the opportunity to impact in a positive way. your website, Fearless living.org. And if you go to Fearless living.org/risk, then you can get the, the, the free gift. And so and again, that's the stretch risk and dive video course that you can get absolutely free Rhonda to to from one fin to another half in to a full fin.

Speaker 2 00:21:48 One fin to another. One up here one. Hooper to another one. Hancock. Houlton. Person to another. We are from the exact same location.

Speaker 4 00:21:57 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 00:21:59 Well, Ron, that's been great. Thank you so much for the conversation.

Speaker 2 00:22:02 Thanks, Josh. Be fearless.

Speaker 1 00:22:09 Thanks for listening to the Thoughtful Entrepreneur Show. If you are a thoughtful business owner or professional who would like to be on this daily program, please visit up my influence.

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