Emotions are symptoms of an incomplete awareness.

And when you actually have a complete awareness, you'll have love for yourself.

Over the years I've run into people live in my Breakthrough

Experience program or interacting when consulting,

and people feel that, 'Well, I wish I'd had done this.

I shouldn't have done this.

I I really messed up here.' And they believe that they've somehow have self

sabotaged or they feel that they've limited themselves and they have a lot of

regrets.

And I'm a firm believer that anything you can't say thank you for is baggage,

anything you can say thank you for is fuel.

And so I'd like to address the idea in case you might be having,

or you know somebody that might be having a bit of a, you might say,

regret about what they did or they 'should have' done this or that,

I'd like to address that. First of all,

whenever you're having a quote,

regret or feeling ashamed or guilty about something you've

done,

what that really means is that you have expected yourself to do something

different than what you did.

And you're assuming that whatever you did has got more drawbacks than

benefits to either yourself or some other individual.

And I'm a firm believer that after doing the Breakthrough Experience for so many

years now, decades literally,

I have not seen something that has only one side.

When people have an event in their life and they go, 'Oh God,

this is terrible,' a day, a week, a month, a year,

five years later they find out, well actually thank you,

there's a benefit to it. If not,

they're staying victim of their history and running a story about how this thing

happened to them and they've stayed stuck.

Or they've basically have gone around and they've done something to other people

and they've carried around guilt or shame unnecessarily because they didn't see

how it serves. But every event has two sides.

Everything that's ever happened in your life's got an up and a down side, and

if you're focusing on the downside, not looking at the upside,

then you're going to sit there and feeling resentful.

And if you look at what you've done and you focus on the downside and not the

upside to them,

you're going to sit there and feel like you should have done this and you're

going to feel regret.

So it's about bringing your conscious awareness into a full awareness where

you see both sides. We have what is called a subjective bias.

A subjective bias is an assumption that we see a negative without a positive or

a positive without a negative.

False positive is when we're seeing something that's not there,

seeing something,

that's not there or false negative is not seeing something that is there.

And whenever we're not living by what we value most and not living in the most

inspiring way, our unfulfillment leads us into the amygdala.

And the amygdala is noted for subjective bias and misinterpretation.

And that's where we end up sourcing a lot of our regrets or resentments in life.

So if we go in there and balance out our perceptions,

we can dissolve the regrets.

I I have a whole column in my Demartini Method that's specifically designed

for dissolving regrets or shame or guilt.

Things in life that you thought you'd done and you wish you had not done.

But I'm a firm believer that whatever you've done in life,

it's ultimately on the way, not in the way,

unless you choose to see it in the way. That's your own perception.

You have control of your perceptions and your decisions in life.

And if you choose to make it a nightmare, it stays a nightmare.

But if you go and find out how whatever you've done served, it's, is liberated.

In the Breakthrough Experience

when I'm helping people through the Demartini Method,

I'm taking something that they resented in somebody and finding out where

they've done it and then how did it serve them.

And this thing that they've been sore and angry about or resentful for days,

weeks, months, years or decades,

all of a sudden when they look and hold themselves accountable to look at the

upsides, they go, Wow,

I never saw that It actually catalyzed this and opened the doorway for this and

allowed me to have this strength and new skills and allow me to be more

independent, and now I'm grateful for what's happened.

And all of a sudden they realize that the thing that they thought this

individual had done that was so terrible and you were so angry about,

was a blessing. Well, the same thing occurs in your life.

So that's why I put that into my Demartini Method

I put a whole column and designed to dissolve the shames

and guilts and regrets that we have in life.

So what you do is you go to a moment where,

and when you perceive yourself displaying or demonstrating some

behavior, some trait,

action or inaction that you disliked in yourself that you thought

caused pain to you or loss to you or negative to you or regret, you know,

a resentment to you, or to somebody else.

And then you itemize exactly who it is that's affected by it, by the action.

And then you ask the question, How did it serve me? In other words,

let's say you were late for an opportunity and you lost this opportunity and you

thought, Oh, I beat myself up and I wish I'd had done this, I regretted it.

But if you go and find out, how did it benefit you? There's upsides to it.

And if you choose never to look for the upside, you'll stay,

you'll have this sore in your life about how you did this and you screwed up

your life, and that's not true. I mean,

I've proven that in thousands of people in the Breakthrough Experience where

people come there and they're feeling they screwed up on this and they

sabotaged, they didn't.

Now they only chose to see the downsides and never looked at the upsides.

So if I ask you again,

go to a moment where and when you perceive yourself displaying or demonstrating

a specific behavior, a trait, action, or inaction that you dislike in yourself,

that you think caused more discomfort or pain or loss to you or to somebody

else. And stop, identify the moment you did it.

And in that moment start asking, how did it benefit you?

And your first response going to be, It didn't. That's why I'm angry at myself.

That's why I regret what I did. No, how did it benefit you?

And you hold yourself accountable to balance out the equation.

Because right now you're subjectively biased,

you're seeing it from your amygdala, you're seeing more

Not seeing the upsides and trapped in a self-judgment, unnecessarily,

self-depreciating yourself only because you never asked the question that,

what were the upsides to it? The same thing can occur on the opposite side.

Just like we can have regrets,

we can have pride and we can assume what we've done is all benefits and no

drawbacks and blinded by that. Both of them need to be balanced in my opinion.

And so if you go in there and ask what's the upsides and start being accountable

to find the answers and don't just say, I don't know, I can't find it. But look,

you'll discover that there's benefits to what you did and you just never took

the time to do it. And as you come up with the benefits, the regret goes down.

Now if what you did affected somebody else and you think it caused more pain

than pleasure, more loss than gain, more negative than positive,

more disadvantage than advantage to them, stop and look,

because there is no event that's got one side,

there's no event that doesn't have upsides that you think are only downside,

that doesn't exist. That's a completely subjective biased,

absolute perspective that's not true.

So you go in there and look at what the upsides are.

And I've had people who've been carrying on regret for years and they clear it.

And what's interesting is the moment you clear out your regret,

the people around you respond to you differently because you're no longer a

button,

you don't have a button on yourself and you don't have vulnerability to that.

Now if somebody says something about it doesn't hurt,

because now you realize here's the benefits came out of it,

you can explain to them the benefits and they go, Oh,

and then all of a sudden they're not upset with you for what you did.

But if you go in there and looked at the upside on what was the benefit to that

individual in that moment. And not speculate, don't guess,

only look for answers that are true.

And you will discover that everything has two sides.

I mean I've had people that have had amazing events. I

was basically ransomed for a large sum of money and his family was

trapped and a whole bunch of things and he couldn't see anything,

he was just post-traumatic stress disorder was put on his label and diagnosed

with that because he was highly stressed and hurt and angry and bitter and

wanted to kill somebody. And I asked him, So what was the benefit side of that?

He goes, Well, there's no benefit. How could it be a benefit in that? Well,

when you have an absolute moral,

hypocritical view about life that's only black and white and you don't have any

gray in there, well you're not adaptable, you're not resilient.

Resilience has a lot to do with the ability to see both sides of things.

So I asked him and I held him accountable, What was the benefit of that?

And then he goes, Well actually now I think about it,

I got more time with my family since that happened.

I've restructured and prioritized more at my work.

My wife has made a decision that she's going to make sure that she goes after

what she wants because she realizes life's too quick,

it can go by and it can be ending quickly.

So she started to go after her mission. The kids are more independent from that.

And we started listing all the different benefits that came out of it that he

overlooked and chose not to do.

And all of a sudden the thing that he thought was terrible wasn't terrible.

And the thing he was resentful for wasn't resentful.

And the thing that how he responded to and how he didn't protect his family

actually served everybody.

And all of a sudden the emotions that had weighed him down, gone.

There's no reason to be carrying around unnecessary emotions.

Emotions are incomplete awarenesses.

And most people just assume that there's a traumatic event out there.

I challenge that whole model. I think that that's antiquated.

I think there's an event out there, you've chosen to make it traumatic.

And somebody will say,

Well what about somebody beating you or somebody doing yelling at you or

somebody sexually doing this with you? It's not the event,

it's your perception of it. Epictetus describes that,

great philosophers have said that for centuries,

but people want to be victims and create a false attribution bias on other

people about what they did.

And you do the false attributions on you and you judge yourself unnecessarily

because you assume that you're supposed to be living in this moral hypocritical

world of one sidedness. If you expect yourself to always be nice, never mean,

always kind, never cruel, always generous or never stingy, always giving,

never taking, always one side,

you have a fantasy and an unrealistic expectation on yourself,

and anytime you don't match that, you're going to feel like, Oh my God,

I let myself down, I'm regretting.

So realistic expectations combined with asking quality questions can dissolve

regret. I've been doing it for decades and I've yet to see something that an

individual's gone through that they couldn't clear.

I had a gentleman who was blamed internationally

for a massive explosion at the Phillips 66

refinery in Pasadena, Texas and Deer Park Pasadena area.

And this explosion killed 30 something people and they didn't know what to do.

They, so they, the only, the world were looking for a scapegoat.

They had to look for somebody.

And the guy that was responsible for the o-ring that leaked and was

dehydrated and oxidized, was what they blamed it on. Well,

when they found out,

when he found out that they blamed him for it and he just went into a catatonic

stare, he couldn't handle the idea that of all this, he blamed himself.

And he came to the Breakthrough Experience by the psychiatrist,

they were from Deer Parkway,

they that sent this individual.

He was in a catatonic stare when he came to the Breakthrough Experience. It was,

he was just staring and was, and they just, they walked him in. He was awake,

but he was just nonfunctional. And I figured, okay,

I wonder why he is in a catatonic stare, I thought maybe he's,

if that's a survival mechanism to deal with his perception of himself.

So while everybody was working in the Demartini Method privately,

the other individuals that were attending, I went over to him,

I got on my knees because he would just stare down and just looked.

He was staring ain a catatonic stare.

I went down there and I started making a list of all the benefits that's come to

the world of them now knowing about the O-rings and the oxidation.

And now they've got new systems in place to make sure there's replaced

periodically and there's an upgrade in safety now.

And if it wasn't for that event, there wouldn't have been saving of lives.

There's been massive number of lives saved now because of those changes that

came out of it.

So the overall death rate from injuries and explosions and everything else has

dropped because of that.

So now in some respect it's saved lives in addition to taking lives.

So I started to say all the benefits that I had figured out and I could think

of, I wrote them all down and I started saying them to him.

I wanted to thank you for this and thank you for that and thank you for making a

difference in the world. And as I did, a tear came out of his eye.

I got 79 benefits that I could write down that I started sharing with him and

out came a tear and I ran out of benefits and I quickly ran some more and went

over on a flip chart and started writing some more down.

And I started listing some more and he started to cry.

And then I got the whole group from the seminar gathered around him

thinking of all the benefits of that explosion that they could think of.

And he came out of his catatonic stare, cried. We put him on the ground,

he curled up in a fetal position and just cried and had a catharsis. I mean,

his nose was dripping, his mouth was drooling,

his eyes were crying and he had just finally had relief.

But he'd been carrying around regret and his mind shut down his psyche I guess,

in order to have to not have to think of beating himself up thinking he was the

cause of all this. Once we found the benefits, he came out of it,

he came out of his catatonic stare and within weeks he was able to go back and

do work again. And this was a shocking thing that people do.

It's a survival mechanism.

Anytime we have a fantasy that we're supposed to be one side, always positive,

never negative, always kind, never cruel, anytime we have that expectation,

unrealistic expectation, or expectation on us to live outside our values,

we automatically going to beat ourselves up and we're going to feel walking

around with regrets.

And then we're going to think what we're doing is affecting us negatively or

thinking of other people negatively, affecting them.

If we stop and rebalance the equation, set realistic expectations,

we don't have to carry around regret, no reason for it.

So I say,

go to a moment where and when you perceive yourself displaying or demonstrating

a specific trait, action or inaction that you're judging yourself for,

that you despise or dislike or hate or regret in your life, go to that moment.

Close your eyes. Get in that present moment with that. In that moment,

look at who is involved. Is it affecting you? Is it affecting somebody nearby?

A bystander? Is it affecting someone in the family? Who's it affecting?

Write all the names down. And then go in there and go,

How did it benefit those individuals, one by one,

and go in there and hold yourself accountable to see the other side.

Every event is neutral until somebody with a subjective bias labels it good or

bad. As Milton, John Milton said,

You can make a heaven out of a hell or a hell out of a heaven. It's perception.

I've been doing it for nearly four decades,

helping people take and re cognitively reappraisal their perceptions,

and I've not found anything that they thought was terrible that we can't find

terrific in or terrific can't find terribles in.

I can take somebody you're infatuated with and calm it down.

I can take somebody you resent and build it up.

I can take something you're proud of and calm it down or take something you're

resenting and shamed of and build it back up.

And all it is is looking and being mindful. See,

whenever we have a subjective bias,

we have an unconscious portion and we're mindless. When we see both sides,

we're mindful and mindfulness helps resilience and adaptability and helps us

help our own, our wellness quotient.

So your wellness will go up the second you go in and ask the question;

So how specifically did whatever I do serve the

individuals that I think were affected negatively? And all of a sudden,

how did it help me? How did it help them?

And if you hold yourself accountable to balance that and not make things up,

not BS yourself, not speculate, but look,

I guarantee you can do it. I've been doing it for decades,

and all of a sudden people have been carrying around guilt for years, gone,

shame, gone, regrets, gone. Bronnie Ware,

who is an Australian book author who's written a beautiful book on the Five

Regrets of Dying, showed that many people have regrets,

they wished they'd spent more time with their kids or wish they had spent more

time you know, exercising or,

and people as they're getting approaching their finality,

they're the ending of their life, they're regretting their life,

and none of those are necessary. If you ask the right question,

the quality of your life's based on the quality of the questions you ask,

if you ask amazing questions, how specifically, whatever I did,

how did it serve? And not make anything up. Not lie, not exaggerate, just look.

You'll be realizing that you have been unconscious of the upsides and that's why

you're feeling emotions. Emotions are symptoms of an incomplete awareness.

And when you actually have a complete awareness, you'll have love for yourself.

And I watch people sit there and they've been beating themselves up for years.

I had a woman that was there at the Breakthrough

she did something that her guy, her love of her life left her.

And she thought, Oh my God, I'd put too much pressure on him,

I was smothering and everything else. And I would be happy if he was there.

And she had a fantasy that if he had been there, life would've been happy.

And that she,

she did something and she's regretting and now she's frightened about being with

a guy because she's afraid it'll happen again and is protecting herself and

making sure she doesn't get too close, and all this drama in her life.

And I just asked her,

what was the benefit to him by what you did,

and the benefit to you? And at first she said, There is none.

And so she's regretting what she's done.

She's feeling bad about what she's done. I said, Well, what's the benefit?

I can't see any, she said, I know, I know. Look, again.

When somebody tells me they can't see an answer within two seconds of trying,

you're not trying very hard. If they can't say, I don't know,

that means they're not looking.

There's a part of them that doesn't want to look.

They want to run their story and play a victim of their history all the time

instead of be a master of their destiny. So I held this lady accountable.

What was the benefit of smothering him? And she then said, Hmm.

And then I made a statement to her. I said, You know,

you only are infatuated and smother the individuals you know that aren't the

one, and the match. Because you're playing the underdog.

Why would you want to be with somebody that you're infatuated with that you're

on the underdog to, It's not a match. When you have a match,

you have a bantering. When you're the underdog,

you have an infatuation and you fear the loss of them. When you're the overdog,

you fear being nice to them because you don't want to mislead them because you

know you're going to keep your options open. But if all of a sudden,

what was the benefit of all of a sudden smothering and pushing him away?

She goes,

Well it was a relief in some respects because I was walking on eggshells. Great.

What was the benefit to him? Well it wasn't,

I wasn't up to his standard intellectually. Good, what else?

Then all of a sudden she got teary eyed. She goes, My intuition was screaming,

this isn't the guy. And I said, I know.

And she started crying. She goes,

I did what I could to make sure that he and I were set free so I could be

authentic and so could he. I said, Now you've got the truth.

And she looked at me and she goes, He wasn't the one. No.

And if all of a sudden he had stayed with you and he wouldn't have left,

would've been the drawback to you?

I would've been trapped in a relationship because I was a afraid of being alone.

But actually when he left me, I became more independent.

I decided I'd becoming more focused on my career path and I became

more independent and empowered. And I've got my own income,

I've got my own place. And as a result of it, I'm now more selective.

And I have a guy right now that's more close to what's reasonable for me.

And I said, So did you set yourself free by that moment? Yes. I said,

So are you feeling regret about that? Less.

What's another benefit that came out of it? She said, Well,

I moved to a different area of town. I said, What happened?

Then I got more opportunities and again, the job opportunity came to me.

And if you'd been with that guy what would've been a problem?

I would've been in an area that I didn't want to,

It was my neighborhood and I really wanted to expand. I said,

Would've been another drawback if he'd stayed and he hadn't had left and you

wouldn't have done what you'd done? She said, it wouldn't have worked out.

Definitely wouldn't worked out because I can now see what he's doing

it would've been a substandard from what I was actually wanting.

And he was thinking I was substandard.

But now with all my new education and personal development and things I've been

doing,

I now I've surpassed some of the things he was doing and it wouldn't have been,

would've been trapped. I said, Great. Right Now,

can you see that would've been a drawback if he stayed? Yes.

Can you see that you unconsciously did what you did to make sure it's happened?

Yes. I said, Can you see now that there's no regret? She goes,

I don't have regret. I'm grateful for myself. She had tears in her eyes. I said,

That's because you asked quality questions and liberated yourself from a bondage

and baggage of the things you're judging in yourself because of what you thought

you did, that you thought caused pain or pleasure to somebody.

You can do it with pride as much as you can do it with shame.

So regrets are simply imbalanced perspectives.

If you take the time to balance them all out again,

you liberate yourself from a lot of craziness in your

when they go through and have regrets,

they typically minimize themselves to other people.

They tend to then offload decisions to other people. They self depreciate,

They end up sacrificing and they have difficulty charging for their services if

they're in business, they have difficulty not pleasing people.

There's a whole lot of challenges that come with it.

You end up lowering blood sugar,

I mean hypoglycemia have typically goes with those individuals compared to the

more narcissistic kinds that raise blood sugar into diabetes.

Your physiology will create symptoms unless you clear that regret.

So anything that you're feeling ashamed about,

I would sit down right now and close your eyes into a meditation and write down

every single thing that you feel you regretted in your

made a mistake on. You feel you feel ashamed of, you feel guilty about.

And make a list of it. And then write it in sequence.

And every moment you can think of where you did it, write it down.

Then right afterwards,

write down what is the individual who's affected by it,

you or other, be self or other, one or many people, male or female,

somebody close or distant. This is what I do in the Breakthrough Experience.

I hold people accountable to actually go through methodically and clear

their illusions, which is costing them financially. It's cost in health,

it's cost in relationships, it's cost in social standards and positioning.

It's affecting their health. It's affecting their inspiration,

because you can't have emotions and inspiration because they're two different

things. Emotions are polarized, inspiration is synthesized.

And you go in there and find out how did it serve. In the Demartini Method

this is one of the columns,

just one of the columns of the Demartini Method on how to dissolve the baggage

that stops you from living your life in an inspired way, an amazing life.

That's why I have people to come to the Breakthrough Experience.

I want to show them tools on how to dissolve baggage

carrying around, things that they have regret about,

things that they have resentment about.

Things that they think they're cocky and proud about. Because pride or shame,

infatuation resentments, philias and phobias, all the emotions,

all the distractions of the amygdala inside the subcortical area of the brain

weigh us down, hold us back.

They're there for emergency but they're not how to live your life,

not to thrive. You'll survive with them but you won't thrive with them.

So I go in there and I have them go and answer those questions,

in the Breakthrough Experience and I dissolve it right on the spot.

You don't have to wait weeks, months, or years for some sort of impact.

It's right on the moment. It just changed it.

And I've watched people that have been beating themselves up and regretting

things for decades clear it in minutes. I mean in minutes.

There's absolutely no reason to carry around shame and guilt and regret in your

life. It's time to prioritize your life,

live by your highest values, delegate lower priority things,

not beat yourself up doing low priority things.

Because anytime you're doing low priority things,

you're going to regret it because you know you're not living to your fullest,

not living authentically. And anytime you have one sided expectations,

which is a symptom of the amygdala,

anytime you project your values onto somebody and expect them to live in your

values, anytime you expect to live in other people's values,

all of these expectations are going to set you up for regret.

But if you go in there and balance them all out,

which is what I teach in the Breakthrough Experience and clear the baggage

that's unnecessary, absolutely unnecessary,

you liberate yourself and change your life. I'm certain it can be done.

I've been doing it for nearly four decades.

I've been developing work on methods on this for a long time.

And the Demartini Method I've been working on is a very powerful science and

tool that you want to put in your toolkit for the rest of your life because

you'll use it. And I assure you that it works, it's a science,

it's reproducible, it's duplicatable.

I've trained thousands of people in it and it works and they get the same

results with it. So if you're carrying around regret,

if you're beating yourself up thinking you're screwed up thinking there's a

mistake, thinking somehow things are in the way,

not on the way because of your actions, and you think you're sabotaging,

it's a common thing, or you think you have limited beliefs or whatever,

the common thing that you see in the new age movement,

none of that has to be there. It's simply a choice of perception,

decisions and actions you take, and the quality of the questions you ask.

Let me help you ask the questions to liberate yourself from that so you're

freed. It's not necessary to be carrying that around.

I'm certain it can be dissolved and it's so simple,

it's almost mind blowingly simple.

But most people because of moral hypocrisies think

sided. They think perfection is one side. And they think if I got both sides,

nice and mean and kind and cruel, that somehow I'm imperfect. No,

that's the perfection.

Because when you're sometimes tough on people and mean to them,

they're actually liberating them from being dependent on you sometimes.

And there's a benefit side to it. All parts of your nature.

You don't need to get rid of any part of yourself to love yourself.

All parts of you serve. And if you have any part that you're regretting,

any part of you that you think is caused more pain and pleasure to somebody that

can be dissolved,

and there's no reason to be sitting there regretting your life and feeling shame

and guilt to all the rest of your life over something.

And don't let somebody else's guilt trip projected onto you,

make you buy into the idea of somebody else's values.

You're not here to live in other people's values.

You're here to communicate what you value in terms of their values if you want

effective communication, but you're not here to be somebody else.

Envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.

You're here to be yourself and there's no reason why you can't love yourself and

there's no reason why you have to carry around regrets.

So that was my message today.

Hopefully this will give you a little bit of a catalyst.

And I know that if you want to,

if you want to transcend that and not have regrets in your life,

come to the Breakthrough Experience. This is where I can help you transform it.

I can show you exactly how to do it, the exact questions, exactly how to do it,

let you do it, get to feel the difference.

You'll know how to do it for the rest of your life. It's a tool.

But not just regrets. You can have the opposite of regrets.

You can have pride and arrogance and hold onto that and alienate people and keep

attracting tragedies and challenges and criticism in your life and wonder why

they keep happening. Both of those polls need to be balanced.

Mindfulness is seeing objectively both sides of your life.

So come to the Breakthrough Experience. Learn how to dissolve, infatuation,

resentments, philias and phobias, and prides and shames,

and regrets and all the emotions that are keeping you from being grateful for

loving your life, being inspired, enthused, certain

Come to the Breakthrough Experience. I am certain it can help you.

I've seen thousands and thousands of people's lives change because of it.

And I can teach you the Demartini Method where you learn how to do that.

That way you don't have to be carrying around regret in your life.

If you want to master your life and master your mind and master your emotional

states and have self-governance and self-mastery,

then the Breakthrough Experience for you. So that's my message for the week.

I look forward to seeing you at the Breakthrough Experience.

Sign up for it because it'll change your life. And until next week,

don't carry any regrets. Follow what I just said. Watch what happens,

the quality of your life's based on the quality of the questions you ask.