I firmly, firmly do not believe

that our women, partners, wives, et cetera, need to be and

should be everything to us. I think that is too

much to ask of them and not the role they're here to play.

And I don't think we should be what you bring everything

to. Welcome to the King Within, a podcast for men who

seem to have it all, yet feel like they're losing what matters most.

I'm Mike Salemi, and I've been there. Successful on paper, but

disconnected on the inside. This isn't about grinding harder. It's

about mastering your emotions, leading with calm strength, and

rebuilding trust at home. Each week, we dive into real stories and

tools for becoming the man your family runs towards, not away

from, because you didn't build this life to lose yourself in it. This is the

King within. Let's do the work. Welcome to the show today.

Today is a special one because I am joined with my wife,

Lauren Rose Salemi. Now, Lauren is a private chef, a holistic coach, and

the woman who just recently surprised me with the best birthday gift

I could have ever have asked for, which was three days alone in the

woods. Now, when I shared this with certain people, most of them look confused.

Like, wait, you want to be alone on your birthday? Oh, yeah,

I did. And in today's episode, we are unpacking the five

essential masculine nutrients that every man needs to show

up as fully present for himself and his family. And

we also dive into how women can support their men in feeling resourced

without feeling dropped or abandoned. We talk about

relationship dynamics and what actually men need and how Lauren and

I are planning our entire year around making sure that we stay resourced,

regulated, and connected. Let's dive in.

Lay of the land. Lay of the land. So we are. Right now, we.

We are just over two, almost three weeks into the new year

and the fake new year. New year. The fake new. Yeah, I'm hearing all this

stuff about the Gregorian calendar, this calendar, that calendar.

Well, the. What would you call. I like to call. I mean, it's

the Gregorian calendar, but I like to consider it like the fiscal calendar. Like

in the world stage, it's a financial timeline, but on

nature's timeline, it's not the new year. Okay, okay. Well,

according to nature's timeline, Lauren's timeline,

actually, no, this would be the original calendar. Not the original. The

original, but the actual calendar that most people operate by. So.

Rewind. 3ish weeks ago,

it was our anniversary. Our legal

anniversary is December 22. My birthday is December

23. You had gifted me with something

that I've been searching for the

right words for it. And not only it is not only the

gift itself, but also my experience of it was

astonished. So that's the word I'm choosing for it,

because I think it's the one that encompasses how it's

impacted me, how much it means to me,

truly astonished, surprise that you chose to gift me this.

What we're gonna unpack today, and so I'm

gonna hand it over to you. What did you gift me? And then I've got

some questions for you. Yeah. So for your birthday.

Because that week in our lives is so full with

celebrations. Anniversary, we have,

I think, at least four birthdays in our

immediate family. There's a lot going on that week, and

in years past, it's been. I mean, it's always hectic,

but it's particularly just things that I think

we each and both want to really give

full celebration and presence to. And when it's, like, just

so back to back, there's just no room for that spaciousness

that I feel like really allows us to

enjoy such a special season of the holidays and your

birthday and all that. So, I mean, my brother's birthday is on Christmas Eve

as well, so I've, you know, through many, many years of, like, family

celebrations, I feel like I've heard that, you know, Christmas

babies are kind of, like, lost in the mix and stuff. And then, you know,

with our wedding anniversary being on the 22nd, it's just like,

okay, like, let's just add to that where, you know, there's the potential for

you to not fully be celebrated, I

think, for your birthday. So I was like, this year, I want to do it

a little differently. And I think we both committed and we're really excited

about doing the holidays and Christmas time differently this year.

It being Luca's, like, first real, like,

year of being fully present, really excited, and, like, kind of knowing what's

going on. And so I had originally

planned for us to go spend the night for our wedding anniversary.

And then I was like, you know, it just feels like.

I mean, we've. We've celebrated that as a date, but I think

our spiritual anniversary is later next year

anyways. So I was like, you know, it really. It feels like a

greater gift for both of us to just really, like, lean into

your birthday. And so that's a long, long

workaround for what I got you for your gift. But it ended up

being a multiple night trip to the Santa

Cruz mountains in the woods, in solitude.

You know, if you wanted to turn your phone off if you wanted to just

completely just disconnect from

the chaos of, you know, the world and like really

reconnect with your heart and your practice and yourself.

And to me, it felt like a really easy gift because

I know it's something you deeply craved without, you know,

necessarily saying that gift giving is one

of my favorite love languages because it's like, I

mean, I hate gifting out an obligation, but I really love

like when I know the thing or I feel like I know the thing that

will really give somebody true depth and joy.

It's like, that's like a hell yes. You know? So, yeah, that's

what I decided to go for. I. I ended

up taking Luca to what would have been our

anniversary celebration down at Coa on the

coast. And that was because it ends up also being winter solstice. So.

And that's actually a really important holiday for me and my

spiritual connection. So it ended up working

both ways, but just having you be in solitude and.

Yeah, well, there's, there's a

few questions that come up first off, and we're going to

unpack exactly what I did on the trip and there's a lot of follow up

there. And really I want to touch on today for specifically.

Well, honestly, the men and the women listening because having your

perspective on this, I think is gonna, I think it's

gonna open up a lot for, for men and women. But we're going to go

into the five essential nutrients that I would

say most all men, if not all men, need to really

show up in the most loving, powerful, supportive

way possible for themselves and their family. But as I was

sharing what you had gifted me with a few people, I got

looks like, wait, what? You want to be alone on

your birthday? And they couldn't really, they couldn't really understand that. And I

was like, yes, oh my God. And again, we'll

unpack that. But I'm curious, was there

anything that you observed, felt intuited

within me like you had said you knew it's something that I was

craving without me even saying it, because I didn't ask for it like

overtly. So I'm curious, was there, what did you

notice within me that told you, wow, he

either needs to resource in this way or. Yeah,

yeah. I mean, I think at that time of year

we're all kind of on our, we're running on

fumes. Right. And like that will show up in all aspects

of life. But I think actually the first

thing that kind of tipped me off was I Noticed in

myself like, oh, it would feel really good to just

drop in and be nourished and to not have like

the day to day you know, wildness of living with a

toddler and you know, the work pressure and all that. And you also had

some big life changes that I feel like you really needed

to integrate and deserved to process deeply because

I think there's going to be a mind shift upgrade necessary

to really like receive and hold these new

projects and, and things that you have on the horizon, that we have on the

horizon as a family. And, and that's not possible when it's,

you know, you're living in survival mode. Even if it's a beautiful survival state that

we're in. We love our life, but it's like, it's a lot. And,

and so I was just noticing, I think more on the light side of like,

okay, how could I relieve some of this

constant, you know, tasking and like just that

pace of life that I witnessed you in and how

could I create, you know, that spaciousness,

spaciousness for you so you could really,

you know, filter all that stuff if it's information, if it's emotional

processing, if it's, you know, if you wanted

to brainstorm, heartstorm a new work project or like,

you know, it's the new year. So I feel like it's already a naturally really

reflective time to, to drop in. So that's

all more of the light side. And then on more of my

wife perspective, I felt you were in like a

deficit of like ability to really be,

you know, like you were there physically but I didn't feel like you were fully

there emotionally. And I think that that was because you were in

a survival state of like processing a lot of stuff

and having a lot on your shoulders and on your heart. And,

and so for me, like, yeah, there's multiple sides of like

why I really wanted to give that to you. But it was,

it's kind of like my quote unquote expectation

as your partner is like when you're here, when you're in the room with me,

when you're in our home or you know, whenever we're in presence to like

really feel you. And it's like, and if I can't do that or if you

can't do that, then like what do we need to co create together

to give you that capacity and myself too, but like we're talking about you right

now to when you're here, it's like you're fully here, you know, and I

think that like Taking a step back and having, you know,

that space and time with yourself is, for me,

the most strategic way. So, like when you're back, it's like

you're back because you have the time to reflect on how you need to be

supported or what resources you're depleted in and, you know,

just really give you that time to recultivate and

refill your cup. Well, part of what I'm

hearing there is like, it feels. I mean, it was the

greatest gift, I would say, almost to date, that I can think about. You've

given me some great gifts. You're a great gift giver. The painting,

when we found out we were. You were pregnant with Luca.

Yeah, there's been a lot, but this one just.

You hit the nail on the head just how deeply I needed

this. I think that's also why it means so much to me that I didn't

ask. And you just had the intuition and the

sense of. Because without going into it

emotionally, there's just around that time and I'm coming through it

slowly now, but there was a lot of heavy emotional

processing around some stuff. And so it was

just a huge gift. And I'm wondering,

you know, a lot of men do crave time alone. That's

solitude, which is, I'll break this down briefly as one of the five

essential nutrients that men need. And it's

solitude. And solitude is different than isolation.

So isolation would be one when we are disconnected from ourselves,

and solitude is when we are alone but also connected to ourselves. That's how

Connor Beaton describes it. And I love that definition. So, yeah,

you could say I'm alone. But the big difference was it was a

whole trip and experience around connecting to my

heart. And that's very different than being in isolation

where we're disconnected. So for

women and men listening, I'm wondering if.

Because I do go on multiple trips with my work, like, I am traveling

quite a bit. How did you know? Or was there any.

I want to zoom out. Like, was there any resistance

to it or. Because it sounds like very light, very giving. But how would

you, like, how would you share with someone of

when you notice your man escaping

versus choosing something that is really nourishing? And then was there

any resistance in you on this one or in the past? Like, what did you

need to give this gift cleanly? Yeah, I think

that's an important thing to really self reflect on. I

mean, really any gift I think is like, do I have an agenda here?

Do I expect a certain return on this gift?

It's like, those are kind of already chipping away at, like, what makes a gift

a gift. But I would say that, like, you

know, I mean, every relationship is different. Every household is different. We all

have different responsibilities. Sometimes I notice,

and I've shared this with you, when you do travel or when I know you're

gonna be gone, it's almost easier being, like. It's not

easier in some ways, but it is. I think moms or

women might, you know, kind of understand. What I'm getting at here is because

we have. It's really clear that it's all gonna

be onto on us when you're gone. When you have young kids, you know,

I'm talking about parents here. There might be some other resistance or

resentment if, you know, you don't have kids. But I think, you know,

in our position, when you're gone, that means it's all on me,

right? So I think that there's, like, in order to really

make that a gesture of, like, I got the house. I got, you know, everything

that needs to be done, you truly go and

enjoy and, like, relish in this experience. I

was able to do that really cleanly because I think that, you

know, when I have that clarity, like, I kind of go into, like,

my. My superpower mode and, like, you know, it. I get things

done and that expect that hidden expectation isn't there. It's like,

okay, this is a crazy week of. Of Christmas and all

this stuff. It's like, when's he gonna come out of his office? You know, so

it's like, if you're. If you're gonna be working for five days, or if you're

gonna be in meditation for five days or whatever, it's like, when you're

physically somewhere else, it's like my mind is able to be

like, got it. You know, like. And this is the mode I go into, opposed

to that, like, resentment spiral of, like, I'm drowning here.

Like, where the heck is he? You know, I'm just going to interrupt. You real

quick, because what you just said, let's. Let's unpack that or share

that piece. Because right before this trip, we had one of our larger

fights that we've had around that very thing. So

basically for context was there was a

lot emotionally on my plate at that moment. Like, a

lot. I've got, I would say, a high degree of capacity through the training,

through the nervous system, work through all of that. And I was

almost drowning in the amount of stuff that was

on my heart. And so, like many

men, there's truth that I had a lot of work

and I forget it was because we had traveled before, but I had

stacked that day. And, and I've been better and better about putting

in buffers and there were no buffers. And I remember there were

like five minute buffers in between clients. And I was, I remember,

not a buffer. Which is not a. It's not a buffer. It's enough to like,

it's not even a pee break. It's enough to. Yeah. Stand up,

click the next zoom button. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. This was before the

Christmas party. This was before the Christmas party. So I

remember thinking I was like, well, I could go downstairs and in this five

minute and get some water or, you know, give you a kiss or say hi

to Luca. But then I also know when I come out, I can get

pulled. You know, Luca wants papa, rightfully so.

And I remember just putting my head down in the way that

I oftentimes avoid escape

and just put my head down. And yeah, it was a

selfish thing to do and I didn't come out until

whatever it was, six o'. Clock. I don't know. You were late to the party.

I was trying. Yeah. Yeah, you were trying. Yeah. So. And you were

clearly frustrated, irritated and

angry with me because I just ghosted on

a day where you needed support and help and there was a lot on you

and you came at me hot. That was a. I remember that

was just a lot to handle in that, in that moment.

But that really, you know, shows the reality of,

you know, how we as men oftentimes escape into our work and

neglect, you know, being emotionally present and tending to the needs of the

family. The reason why I was going into that, I believe is because, one, I

wanted to paint a picture of what was happening right before. And also I think

that just before you move on, it's like, it leads into like, the theme for

one of our always, like our consistent conflicts

is again, that theme of you're

physically here, but you're mentally and or

emotionally somewhere else. Right. So if that's, you know,

in the house, but upstairs working or if that's, you know, whatever it is,

it's. It's that tension of

unavailable. Right. And I think that we all become

unavailable when we are under resourced and

know at our capacity. Right. And you still know as a responsible man

and adult that, like, things need to get done. So it's like. And there's this

whole laundry list of things to do. So I'm just going to go at that,

you know, check by check. When there's

also, I think the women listeners will understand that there's

a laundry list equally long, if not longer, with what needs

to be done in. In a household operation. So it's like that

tension of, like, I think for me, the gap that causes

conflict is when the communication is those

buffers that you talked about. What those buffers provide when they're actually

installed is the ability for two

partners to check in and communicate, like,

not only the agenda, but the. The week. And like, what needs. What both

partners need to, you know, to be okay,

right. And to feel, like, acknowledged and respected for

each other's kind of checklists. You know, if it's a divide and conquer situation, it's

like when you're up there for 10 hours without any, like,

check in, it's like, does he even know my

laundry list of things? Does he care? Is he aware?

Are those valuable? Like, why am I here? Like,

what feels like drowning? You know, in my own stuff? Like,

if I were to experience him to be drowning, I would, like,

want to, you know, go get clarity there, go communicate that. So

it's like, I think that's caused. When we have had larger

conflicts, which is what led into maybe like, this kind of

reflection around, like, okay, what do each of us need right now? Because

he's clearly under resourced and, and because of that, like,

I feel very under, under supported as well. And like, I think the language

you use was like, you felt like you dropped me that day. And that's how

I expressed it to you too. It was like, yeah,

yeah. And I. And I recognize that, like, immediately, as soon as I came

downstairs, even before you opened your mouth, you could feel the energy.

And I think there's two things. One, the story that I'm going to speak for

me, but I'm also going to generalize. And there's always exceptions to the rules.

Gentlemen, if you're listening to this, but at least for a lot of the guys

that I work with, right. Like, there is the story that I, and we often

create in our head is we justify the work because especially

if you. Or if a man listening is the main financial

provider, it's like supporting the family through

how I. What I know how to do. And I think we can make the

mistake of not realizing, like, being the leaders of

our family and providing financially,

if that's the role that you choose to take on within your own dynamic,

like, that's only one way. That's. That's just one way to show up

as a leader. There are so many ways. And I think oftentimes we

can get pigeonholed and we look at things very myopically and we just

want to know, if I just do this, then it'll produce this result. And we

don't zoom out and be like, oh, damn. There are so many other

ways to demonstrate good leadership

relationally, life wise plan, necessary ways. I mean,

any good leader of like a corporation per se, they're only looking

at numbers, but they're not worried about HR and not worried

about that. Like, I mean, any

nar, uber narrow tunnel vision, like, that's not,

you know, holistic leadership. And it will show itself

in other forms. You know, I mean, it can, it can serve a purpose.

Right. When a client session, for example, it's like, I'm locked in.

Yeah. Like I'm all. But at the end of that session, it's like also having

the zoomed out perspective of again, like one of the biggest takeaways

from the trip, and we'll talk about that later, was

and I came to this on my own conclusion and you had shared with me

after, like, wow, that's what I've been wanting. And it's

for this year, one of my main practices, and I'm calling it a practice

because I know I'm going to mess up. I know it's not going to be

perfect. All the things is to hold you and our

family in my awareness at

all times. And what I mean by that is it's more of an

energetic thing. It's more of

whether I'm in my office, whether I'm traveling,

whatever. I still feel energetically connected. Like I

imagine you in this space, I imagine you downstairs. Maybe I hear

you in the kitchen or playing with Luca. And it's not

just, oh, I hear them, but I also feel them. And so

energetically we're connected at all times. And as

opposed to tunnel vision, I'm here, but

I've completely, energetically dropped the tether with you.

And so that was one of the big realizations for me coming out of

the trip. Like, wow. And

I was sharing that with someone close to me and she didn't quite get

it. And so I used the very simple example. But have you ever

sat next to your husband and again, to your point, what you said earlier,

you're both physically there, but energetically you're like,

where is he? I don't feel him. Where are you? Right,

so it's, it's a subtle thing, it's an energetic thing.

But that's one of the, the big takeaways so we. We

shared the. The disagreement which led into it. Is

there any. Oh, no. Actually, part of that disagreement was because

I had already gifted this to you.

And, you know, this was a couple days before. And so in my

mind, it's like, okay, like, you're gonna be gone for three days to do

whatever you get and want to do. You know, like, wholehearted

gifted that, like, no expectations of

checking it or whatever. And it

was still like, probably one of the busiest days of the year. Like, no child

care. You know, like, there's a lot going on those weeks.

And so when that day happened, with just no buffer

and no check in and no, like,

scheduling or, you know, a coordination of our family

members that were involved and all this stuff, it was. That

was like, really where my emotional eruption came for. Because it's like

I just gave you this gift that was, you know, like, it's gonna

require more for me. And it's as if, you know,

you're. You're already gone kind of, you know. Yeah.

Totally understandable. The second piece of

what I was sharing earlier is as we as men have that myopic view, this

is our role. We usually consolidate down to providing.

But the other thing in that moment was

work for me especially, but can often be a way

for men to create safety, like I remember within

themselves. Like, I remember in that moment just feeling so beyond my

capacity emotionally that it was the one thing that I

had control over. Like, I know how to work. It's. It's. It was

my way of recreating safety. Obviously, you were dropped. It's not the

ideal, but I know many of us men

create safety within ourselves by working. Now, that could be

any type of outlet, right. Whether it's, you know, any type of. Whether

it's drinking or smoking or what, meditating.

Sometimes it's a way for us to do something where we feel like we

have control and we can create safety. I would love to

hear safety or comfort. Well, say, like,

I mean, bones. I mean, that feels very familiar. Self soothe. Like, it's a way

to soothe. Yeah. And to. And to get back to, like, oh, my

God. All of this stuff feels like chaos around me right now. I need

to, like, go inward and get my feet on solid ground.

What would you say is. And you

gave some light to it. But how do you know, like, what do you. What

feels best for you when. Like

you said, when we're on the same page, be via being

on each other's schedule, when I'm popping in, checking in. What are the

Things that you see within me that really show you

that I'm considering the family. And also, again,

helping someone give a gift doesn't need to be something like this to their man.

But what would you love to continue seeing in order for you to

keep giving a gift like this to a man? Because truly it was, and

I'll say it again, an invaluable gift for me. And I

want to share later more on the impact of it because it's affected so many

aspects of our life. And so what helps you

give cleanly in that way, or what would help you or what advice would you

give to a woman who wants to support their man but is feeling like, oh,

like, I don't know if I can give this cleanly. Yeah, I mean, I think

a few things come up. One, there's, like, again,

returning to, like, knowing your partner, you know,

like, deeply and at all facets. You know, I think

if a couple is in, you know,

having ongoing marriage trouble or if there's been a. A drop

of trust or if there's been some time of fracture,

that might not be a very safe feeling or, you know,

wholehearted gift for a woman to make right. And

there's also the male perspective. I imagine that is like, when

you are having and faced with such

deeply challenging, you know, relational moments, it's like,

maybe part of you guys need that even

more. You know, just that, like, ability to be with

oneself. So I would say every relationship is

different. You know, I think one of the other

kind of like, teasing tensions that came up for me is like,

I could tell that you needed that so bad. And, like, part of

me, I mean, it was a gift to be able to

give that to you as opposed to, like, you,

like, demanding it, you know, or being like,

you know, I just gotta get out of here. You know, there's lots of, like.

I think what you. What you asked the question on beat the

difference between, like, escaping and, you

know, really gifting yourself and your partner, you know, they

think there was part of me that had a hope. I hope it

wasn't like, a full agenda, but it's like, when you came back, you would be

felt as more resource and more regulated and

rested. And, you know, like, I think I

put a lot of hope into, like, okay, like, if I give him what he

needs or, you know, if you give yourself what you need in this, you know,

doing this in a. In a healthy, productive way. You

know, I also know you and you have a very disciplined daily practice

and you have all these, you know,

Practices in place that I know you were going to drop into,

you're just needing the time to like, you know, really go

deeper into those. But you know, you do your meditation every day

and you have like the, that like lifestyle already

instilled with you. So it's like this would be a

genuine, just like freedom to, to enrich in

those things as opposed to, you know, maybe there's a

man that you know, is really struggling,

right? And so like an aimless weekend in the woods might be

really effing challenging, you know, maybe, you know, I think

maybe still necessary to him for him to meet those parts of himself

and you know, for his woman to hear what was

on the other side of those challenges and stuff. But I think

really what your intention is for that type of gift or what, that

type of escape or you know, just recharge, retreat, like

is needed in the individual is really important. And

also, you know, the state of trust and integrity of

the man and the relationship going into it, you know.

You know, if we were going through some hypothetical, we'll say, you

know, if you were having like an addiction problem, you know, if there, if there

was infidelity there or something, it's like, I think it would be really

challenging still maybe necessary for me to be like release

my illusion of control of like, you know, wanting to

keep you safe and home in a little locked box, you know,

like I think long downstream

that that's not going to be a good long term

solution, you know, like keeping your man controlled or whatever. But

there might be a season where it's like we're rebuilding trust right now, like you,

you know, and I'm staying here with you as your woman and like,

and I also have needs for my own safety because if I wasn't genuinely at

a place of safety, then not only would that have been

the last week, I would have chosen, you know, to have you like be gone

and not supporting, but it also, it would be a lot harder,

you know, and I still think like returning to the core need

of a human being to, you know, as you go through the pillars or

whatever of, of what you think men need, I think a lot of those are

what women need as well. Just as human beings, as spiritual

beings. Time in nature is a non negotiable, you know,

and like, and I don't think for me if it's like a,

a creative day or whatever, it's like I need

time under tension, like two hour break here and there. I think those are

like great, you know, maintenance things. But Like, I need a lot

more time than that to, like, really drop into my creative process. And I

think men have their own criteria for what they

really need to, you know, get the most out of the experience.

100. I want to break down now just the five essential

male nutrients. So number one. And you just touched on

it, so perfect time to segue into it. But it's freedom

from, or time free from, demand.

So no demand. And what I mean, gentlemen, is you don't

have a task list. You don't have a

box to check off. You don't have a phone call to get to, a meeting

to get to. Literally no demand,

no objective, nowhere to be, nothing to do.

That is going to be really hard. A lot of these, too, are going to

be really challenging for guys. They're going to be confronting. Like, one

practice, if you want to take it on, is just sit outside without

doing anything for 30 minutes. Don't even try

to meditate. Don't try to just. Just sit,

observe, breathe, and just be with yourself for 30 minutes. Freedom from no

demand. That is a deep, deep level of nourishment

that we, as all men, need. But due to,

I would say, the addiction to working and staying busy, all the things that we've

been talking about so far, it's really easy to find value,

to find worth in oneself via doing so. Freedom from no demand is number one.

These are in also no particular order in terms of hierarchy. But

number two is also. What you just said is time in

nature. That's why the retreats we do are in Mount

Shasta, one of the most powerful places

in nature, in the world. It's the root chakra point of the world. But getting

guys out of our. I mean, you're huge on this. But artificial

light out of standing all day on carpets or

in shoes, like, getting our feet barefoot outside, hearing

the sounds of the birds, the wind getting our sun

on our face, even, like. Realizing what season it is. That's

true. I mean, you know, like. Like, where am I? Like,

what's. I think especially too, like, where that retreat was

or where our retreats are. Like, what type of, like, to really get that raw

experience of nature, you know, not just like your backyard, little, you know,

some breath work or something. It's like, get me out

into the heart of Mother Earth, you know, in some capacity,

like full immersion in it. Yeah, that's such

a great distinction. I mean, anything's better than nothing, however. But what we're talking about

is raw nature. And when I was having a conversation with Tim

Corcoran from Mount Shasta, who's the elder that we do the

sweat lodges with and. And a bunch of other stuff now. But he was even

telling me, he's like, when you come up here next, he was speaking to me

just one on one. He's like, just go out, like,

get lost, basically. Like, allow yourself to get

lost in nature and just like a kid

would, just allow yourself to connect to something greater

in that sense of all wonder without having things planned out duration.

Let your curiosity lead and explore and. Stay out long

enough to allow that to the shedding of all the attachment

to the roles, responsibilities. Dude, he's like, no, just. Just

let nature do. Do what it does. So nature

number two, number three, we touched on, but it's solitude, which is

different than isolation. So a place where a man can be with

himself, to be intimate with himself and connected

with himself. And so that's why it was a solo trip.

And again, when people were like, wait, you're going alone? I was like, hell,

motherfucking, yeah, I am. And what a gift

number four is. Just before, like, the solitude too. Because I think that

this, like, there was a. Again, I want

to expose as much as, you know, I can

about my hidden or underlying

agendas around, like, you know what? I

really like the benefit I see in that. And I think that part of it

is like, I mean, you to be

free to explore whatever you want to explore, but like,

it's in solitude, for sure. Like, you are with yourself by

yourself, but also kind of going back to like, the energy

that you were saying before of like, holding your family into, like, the

work you're doing is like, our

family is in mind there. It's not Jesus. Yeah, only

just like, you know, and again too, like, where you're at

in life and what you're processing, like, maybe it needed to

be fully, you know, that heartbreak or whatever, that you are

fully in yourself. I feel like this one. And, you know, as we'll talk about,

like, you have more of these planned. It's also

to, you know, raise the

whole family up because it goes without saying that,

like, the more resourced you are, the more resourced I am, the more

we have to give to each other and the more, you know,

strength we have to hold our family together,

you know. So I think that just is not only just like,

okay, like, go be with oneself, but like,

also, like, what are the reflective inner

conversations and explorations that I need to have to,

you know, to hold my family or to hold the responsibilities. And

when I return. It's. It's not just like a culture shock of, like, oh,

you know, so. Yeah, I agree. And I think, too, if

it really is quality solitude, like, one of the things that

emerges is real clarity. Sure. So I think

whether that's an overt intention or

especially with. If you are a man leading your family

from the greatest level of depth that you can,

that will just be, I think, something that will naturally emerge

at some part of it. So, I mean, that's where I think

the solitude is the connected to one's heart and therefore connected to the

parts of himself and the things that matter most to him. It's like, you and

Luke are the two most important things in my life. So. And I also

want to add, too, there was

another thing that, like, outside of just the solitude piece of, like.

And maybe if men do this experience or something like it,

when you said the clarity piece, it reminded me that it's like, yeah, Parry, this

is also too. I would love for

you to really explore within yourself,

like, how you need to be supported, like,

what resources do you need to find

for yourself or, you know, like, nourish to.

So it's not just like, this is me with me, and, like, I have to

do this all on my own. And you know what I mean? Like, I think

that's part of it, just like the solitude piece, but also, like,

in what areas do I need some support,

you know, to get where I want to be with my

relationship with myself and with whomever is in my life.

Yep, yep. No, I hear that because we don't. Like, I mean, if you

don't have space. I mean, I know for me, it's like my.

When I'm in deep flow state or when the ideas or inspirations

come, it's. It's in that spaciousness

and in that meditative place where it's like,

we don't really know what we need when we live and operate at the pace

of life that we all do. It's like, if someone be like, what do you

need right now? Like, I don't know. Can I have, like, an hour to, like,

meditate on that? You know? So, like, hopefully that's part of it as well

is like, what do I really need?

You know? Yeah. And the two intentions going into this

trip for context for me, was to allow myself enough space

to really process what I was holding emotionally at the time.

Because, like, you're right, I do have a daily practice. I'm super committed to it.

I've done a great job this year. Of improving, of actually putting buffers

in between clients, unless it's an exception or something like that.

And so I'm. I'm constantly in a practice of

grounding, regulating, checking in. And then also with the type

of work that I do with clients, the number one thing that I need to

do is stay rooted and grounded and heart opened in those

sessions. So part of my work in my life is largely around that. And

still I was craving

enough time to really open myself to an emotional process

without having to button up for the next session or

wrap it up. It's like no. Whatever wants to come through.

Yelling, screaming, crying, whatever. I wanted to give myself

the opportunity to do that. The second thing was really

sharpening my focus for me and the family

in 2026, those are the two intentions going in.

So that's just some context, but nutrient number four, I think that's where we left

off, was purposeful physical expression.

Like, men need to be connected to their

physicality. And if they don't or can't or if

it's because of injury or what. I hear this frequently, and I experience

myself as an athlete. When we don't feel strong

and physically capable and connected to physicality,

it is demoralizing to a

man. His level of confidence, his level of empowerment.

And so we are designed to move. And so I

believe that we need to train in some

capacity to feel connected to our physicality.

That can show up in many forms, whether it's jiu jitsu, wrestling,

just grabbing a weight and lifting it, but connected to that

physical expression as a means to help move through

the body, everything that we're carrying in life. I

think that goes for. I mean, so far. So far, we're four for four out

of women, I think. And men both need this. And it's

interesting, like, imagining the different levels,

you know, would you say that there's one that, like, men need

specifically? I mean, those all seem like things that humans

need. So, like, what. What would you say? Like, why is it specifically men

for all of these? I mean, I think it's.

Well, one. I'm mainly working with men, but these are the things that they

either don't allow themselves to do. This is. I mean, think about this,

like, nature in and of itself. As, you know, it's the feminine.

So men are also very disconnected

from the feminine inside them and from the feminine outside of them. So for them

to connect and not to have everything controlled and in their head,

to actually relax and surrender. So I would say

maybe that they show up in hearing you because we haven't talked

about this specifically. So hearing that from you is really eye opening. I

just think it takes a slightly different shape. Right. For

guys who are overthinking, trying to control everything,

you know, in that leap. Is really like the struggle, the

human condition of being operating from our head

99% of the time. And, you know, and that

necessity as a human being to drop into our heart, to drop into our body,

because that's where the wisdom really is. You know, like, our mind is like

the survival, you know, operator. But like our body

and our heart is where the wisdom is. Sure,

yeah. And what also comes up too specifically for men is like, even in the.

The isolation piece, like, most men are trying to

handle everything alone. Right. That lone wolf

mentality. I should be able to do this all alone. Why haven't I figured this

out? I'm weak if I ask for help. Whereas I think that

could certainly still exist with women and does. But by and

large, I would say, I mean, if the feminine theme is feeling,

sensing, emoting, and the masculine theme is more

initiation, clarity, that piece,

then I mean, just a woman being more in her

feminine is going to be connected to herself, whereas a man usually is

like, I'm just going to bear down and white knuckle. And

if I. I'm just going to dust it off and get back up. Right.

So that piece there, the physicality piece, I

think, yeah. Feminine females being connected to their body and

expressing. But a feminine physical practice is different than a

masculine physical practice. Like, dance came up when you were saying that. It's like, that

feels like, so healing and necessary and

all of that, like, needed, needed, like we need to move our body in

that rhythmic, like way. Yeah. So I think they

probably both apply, but slightly look when expressed

differently. And then the last one, this will connect as well, is brotherhood.

But brother. And so I would say, yeah, women's sisterhood, for sure. And

men to be around other men, which I talk about so much on

this podcast and the work that I do because of that isolation

piece and because oftentimes we were not modeled. Yeah.

What it is to be a solid man of

integrity. I mean, most men today are living. They're

living lives of distraction, of softness in their

language and how they show up. They're afraid of vulnerability

because they think it's going to make them weak. And I think they've also, like,

to be fair, they've been like, cauterized, like, or castrated,

whatever the word is, like, for that part of them. It has not

been received well, from their

feminine. You know, from. Oh, yeah, the female

mob. That is, you know, like, that hasn't been. I think it's fair to say,

as a woman, like, that is not

embraced. Yep. I mean, I think we want that. We say like, we want like

a man that's connected to his heart for sure. But I think

what we don't want is our man to then therefore

give us all of their everything.

Exactly. It's such a great point. And talk about this a lot in the men's

groups in the sense of, like, yeah, your woman is the

most important person in your life outside of yourself. And then you got

your kid in the mix too, if you've got kids. However,

I firmly, firmly do not believe

that our women, partners, wives, et cetera, need to be

and should be everything to us. I think that is

too much to ask of them and not the role they're here to play.

And I don't think we should be what you bring everything

to. Which I think the importance of like, that brotherhood. That's exactly

what I'm saying. Right. Yeah. Nailed it now. And also, there's ways, too,

if you do want to bring stuff to your wife, there's ways to set her

up for success in those. Setting a container

being clear of what it is that you're. You're wanting from it. Because otherwise we

as women go into like. And I'm sure men have their role like, they go

into like. Now this is my. Another job I have to

fix, to hold, to be the emotional

stabilizer to who I want to see as my

male partner, even better leader. You know what I

mean? But those are not the feelings that we get as women

when our guys, you know, just

watery out of integrity, like, doesn't know what he needs,

projects, his dramas, or, you

know, even if it's like the ways that you doubt yourself or like

limiting beliefs and stuff, it's like, I mean, of course we

want to hear what's going on for you, but, like,

I don't think we should be the first stop. So I think that maybe

the brotherhood piece, the men's group, the. The male

support. And I think what I hear in that is you need

mirrors, you know, not just another

man. It's like another mirror. That's like. That's such a good point

because, I mean, brotherhood is absolutely essential. And it also is the quality of men

you're around, because you could be around other men that are also stuck in their.

Their. Their. And not living lives of integrity and basically just

puddles themselves right. So not all men's work or

brotherhood is, I would say, equal or really what will call you forward.

And I love that you clarified because I do think it's important. It's not to

say, not to connect emotionally with your wife because they want to feel you, you

want to feel me, but at the same time, you should not be the

one, the first stop, always and everything

to me where I dump it all on you. And again, there's ways to artfully

do that in specific scenarios for sure. But

if you want to stay in your masculine, because when you're offloading on your partner,

your wife, you are in your feminine. And because

she's in that now the position of holding, she's in her masculine.

Which is fine if you set it up, but then you want to return back

to that place. Did you want to say something there? I would just

say it's not for me. It always goes back to like, is this productive? Or

like. But like, as a woman, when we

have thousand other things that, like mental

bandwidth we're holding and you know, like actual children

that are babies, you know, like, it's like when

that comes at the wrong time or in the wrong way or without, like the

actual leadership behind it, it's like, I

mean, that's not gonna be good for your sex life. That's not gonna be good

for any of it. Right. It's. It's. It's just. Okay, now

I have a whole other task list. That one

I. I can't really do much with, you know, and that's part of been

my work. Not to say that you're. You're like that, but I do

notice myself making myself

responsible for your experience when I feel like you're in a

mood or, you know, like, just not super resource. It's

like I make that my responsibility and it affects my mood.

And it's like, that's on me to like, really work on my

part of that having my

empathetic boundaries in a place. But also it's like,

it's okay that, yeah. Just not enmeshing completely into

your partner's experience. But that's like, really as a feminine being,

it's very challenging to. If you present me

with, you know, an icky emotion or whatever,

or I just feel that intention. It's like, I think it's

our natural tendency to

fall back into. You know, then. Then both partners are like, down

here. So just. I mean, it's definitely an artful thing, like you said.

Well, I'll give an example. Now it can look make it your own

feel into what this would look like for you. I'm not

talking to you, but I'm talking to someone listening. But it could just look like

I come down. Sweetie, I had a crazy day

today. I just need five minutes to just

vent or unload. I don't need you to do anything. I

don't need you to give feedback. I don't need a reflection. All I need you

to do is just listen for five minutes and that's all

I need. Can you do that right now? Then

it's a genuine request. I'm stating setting you up for success

via what's going on. So you're in the loop and you're not wondering. I'm not

harboring shit, right. I'm making a genuine request. I'm setting

the container. And then you get to say, like, yeah, or

I want to hear you, which I imagine you would say, or you've said before,

like, just not right now. Can we come back to it later? That could be

one example of how that would look. I think that's really important. What it brings

up for me in our relationship is

I think that's a great example of, like, what to do.

But I think a lot of times in relationships what happens

is maybe you haven't come to the,

like, you know, you are feeling upset about something or

you're overwhelmed or whatever. That's

not expressed and it's not communicated, but it's

felt on the partner. And then it's like this like, dance of.

It's like a form of passive aggressiveness because the clarity is not

there. So then the partner is like, I know something's off,

but I don't know what. And so now it's like my

hyper focus is again, in your experience.

And like, then I'm battling, like my own intuition. And it's like,

I can assume you love when I use that word. I need to practice it.

It is. But I'm more just like, look, sweetest words.

Okay, well, I'm working on it. But, you know, again, there's that

intuitive knowing of. Yeah, he's

experiencing. I don't know what. What it is, but I can feel the emotion

because I feel that in myself. And then it's like word and

impasse until leadership

is taken by somebody. And when

leadership's in my. Like when I'm the first one, which I'm. I'm the

one that's less comfortable with tension. I feel like. So I'm like, I get

reactive and I get, you know, what

the heck? Or where are you? Or whatever I say. But

it's because I'm like, can we like, clear this? Because

it's here and my leadership isn't

anywhere near as good as what your leadership could be with your own issues, you

know, so it's. That's a great

piece to share. And I would, I would venture to say too, that

oftentimes you're

more aware. I mean, you're in your feminine more and you're the

oracle. Like, we, like, you could be more aware of

something even going on within me before I even do. Yeah.

And I think for most men, that probably

is the case. And I would still say. But I feel like you hate that.

Like, you get like, my, my experience is

when I feel something before you and I bring it to your attention,

you're like, I don't feel like you receive that very well.

Yeah, yeah. Especially when it goes. Especially when it comes.

Like, this is a pattern of shutdown within me. Right. So this is when it

comes with. Oftentimes

the scorpion coming out when it comes as sharp

can be experienced as critical. Then what ends up happening in

that scenario is I feel. And it could be an assumption because I either

may not realize it, or I could actually say it's

wrong. Like, there's been multiple times where I'm like, that's actually not my experience.

So for you to come out with complete certainty and come out strong and

be like you're doing this, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm not. So it feels

like you're putting words in my mouth. And that's why, hence the assumption

is the sweet word of I have an assumption. In my experience. I have a

judgment that then I can actually. Oh, really hear what you're

saying. But in those moments, I end up shutting down and I end

up going back into five year old Mike, who feels like his mom

or his dad is pointing the finger at him.

And so what you're getting in a moment of shutdown is literally age

regressing both of us in some degree in that moment.

So, I mean, that's. That it's so interesting because that is the

reality of relationship. Like, maybe, maybe

option one or version one is men

don't, you know, bring everything to their feminine partner. Don't have a

men's group, don't have brothers who can sharpen them without trying to fix them.

That's option one. Option two is, okay, bring it cleanly in the

steps that I shared, setting your partner up for success. Option

3, or version 3 of it is exactly what we just shared is

when maybe the man's lack of awareness, both people

or one person, is age regressing. Like, that happens a

lot. So I'm actually, it's exposing

and I'm stoked that you shared that because that's. That's

going to call you out. Yeah, that's why. Especially, like, well, this is.

You need it. It's this. This is

my just going to say she's about. The more uncomfortable it is,

the better. Yeah, we have so many examples of when I've been so

uncomfortable. And she's like, it's good for you that you think a man wants to

hear that. Like, I know. And also that's one of

the reasons why I married you in the sense of

like, like you. And

I honestly do think most women

want, like, they want the best

from their man. And oftentimes a man is

not ready to hear that or so wrapped up in his own stuff,

myself included. You know, I got, you know, work to do,

but I also want a woman that wants the very best

for me. And that's what

I consciously and unconsciously signed up when I married you.

So we're in this dance, this relational dance of,

you know, I think at the end of the day, like, when we come back

to our hearts and together, it's how can we come back to connection? And how

can we also have compassion and understanding for the other person?

But also, one thing I think that is really important, which I believe we

touched on earlier, is on the male side,

one thing that's really helpful is being

willing to take responsibility for your part in that.

My partner, not you. So if I drop you, for example,

or you're showing something, like that night that I came down and I saw,

and I think I said in that moment or something like, sweetie, you're right.

Like, I dropped you. And not going into rationalizing, don't you know how much

work I have to do? And it's really easy to go straight, logical and information

when you're emotionally feeling distraught and really are

looking for connection and empathy and to feel like, what does he even feel me?

Or does he even see all this stuff? So owning your

part, however small or large as a man, I think will help

bring back into connection. Is that fair? You feel that too?

Yeah, and I. I think a theme that I feel like emerges

too is, you know, I think one of. I don't know if you said this,

but a masculine pillar is that

desire for freedom, autonomy, independence.

Is that fair to say that that. Is, for the quote,

masculine that is, if. If the feminine is their

North Star. In all of us, male or female, is connection. The

males is freedom. So I feel like what's important as a

family is to find where the bridges are between those

things and realize that our goal is

actually the same. And I think that this trip is.

Is really in a good example of how, like,

my internal process of, like, how I knew that's what not

only you needed, but we needed is because when you

have your cup full as a man with those things you listed and

your true, you know, ability to

be free, to be independent, to be, you know,

sovereign and autonomous, that

will inherently allow you and us

to be truly connected upon return and upon those

times when you are physically here. Because

I think there will always be attention or just, you

know, a divide or a disconnection if

the male is. It's kind of like there's no I in team,

right? There's, like, me in team. And it's like, so I

think we need to work as males

and females in relationship on, like, how

I, as a woman, can get my needs met, right? Whatever they

are, you as a man can get your needs met so that we are

too whole to have our family unit, you know,

so it's like, that may seem like,

yeah, again, just kind of bringing it back to, like, our goal is the same,

and it's to have a happy, healthy, connected life

full of abundance and, you know, health and vitality and all these

things. But if you don't have your core needs met as a man of

some level of freedom, independence, and those other things you listed,

then you will not be able to bring that to a relationship.

And therefore, it'll con. There'll be a deficit there,

you know, and if I don't feel you connected, and

therefore, if I don't feel myself in connection, then

again, our. Our family, our. Our life

will be impacted in a bad

way, you know. You know, what I want to do, too, is

just briefly lay out some of the things that I did on the trip. Just

for context. I would be, you know, if you're a man,

listening, obviously, if. If you're able to take. Whether you're in relationship or not, like,

go out in the woods, please. Like, you will thank yourself for it after.

So some of the things that I set up for myself. Well, first and

foremost, not only did you book the trip, but you made

all my meals for me, which was holy,

was so sweet and so special, and I am

beyond grateful because that's one how you

show love and also your Food's amazing.

So that was. I was blown away when I opened the cooler. I was

like, oh, my goodness. Got my favorite snacks in here. Got

like just all my steaks and

every. Everything already made, so I didn't even have to think. I got to

really drop in. And so you.

Well, that was part of two, like, and I think again, as a woman,

and like, if. If you're considering this as a gift or whatever

to like, really put your heart there. And if your

heart's not there, then it's not the right gift or it's not the right time.

Because my intention there was like, I know

how much work it takes to, you know, you, You. You're much less

high maintenance than I am when it comes to food, but

it takes a lot of time, you know, so you're either gonna have to like,

drop out of your meditation or your. Whatever you were doing and

go to the grocery store. You know, like, it would have detracted from

again, that drop in experience. Like, I wanted to be like a fully

immersive like you. With you. Oh, yeah. And again, just

like, you know, for me personally, I mean, I'm a private

chef, so I'm doing exactly what I did

for you, for others, all the time. And like, I was like,

with myself, I was like, damn, if my, If I don't have time for my

husband, the most important man in my life, to enjoy like

my gifts or whatever, then like, that doesn't feel good, you

know, so it was like, what an opportunity to share

that part of my heart that I do professionally. But it's like,

again, just to like, reinforce, like, this was a gift from my heart to

like, really have you drop into the depth that you

deserve. And I think,

yeah, so I mean, if it's. If it's done as a tussle

of like, you know, even quid pro quo, it's

like, well, if you go do this, then I ex. You know, I want

you. Like, and even when we were in our conflict, I remember you saying

something around, like, you know, if. Regardless, it

does not. Doesn't really matter what you said, but it was. It was

this conditional type of gesture dynamic.

And it's like the part is on both

people, it's like one, to give the gift out of

a true gesture of love, and then also to

receive the gift as like, what the gift really is, which is,

you know, everything that you experience, but also, you know,

the weight, you know, I was holding at home and to. To truly

receive that as valuable.

Yeah. So. So what

else did you do. You made all the food, which is

amazing. Say that again. Super sweet.

So I. One of the things that I really wanted to do is like

again, my life, my practices, for the most part outside

of again the sometimes shutdowns happen,

etc, like I'm fairly regulated in terms of nervous

system. Would you agree? Yeah, I think you can

drop into that like stoicism, which I think is, is

something to explore. Maybe we don't have time to today, but that

neutrality is, it's interesting because I think it's definitely better

than volatile or like emotionally unregulated as

a woman partner receiving that. But there is this

tension that it teases out as well. Like we call it the empty

mirror or whatever. You know, like when it's that neutrality, there's

a, there's a shadows to that too. Yeah. What I would say is that that's

still a form of like subtle shutdown

and withdrawal. Like that's why one of the things that I. And

we've been working on is me like not going stone face, like not

going that but actually going engaging. Like that's one of the initiating,

initiating engaging. So that can still certainly show up. Like I

tend much more on that side by nature than being

overly expressive. So

it's also a way to protect it. So

that's just one thing. Sometimes I have not been mindful of that being

my expression. And so sometimes it is a subtle form of shutdown and

sometimes it's just not being mindful of how I'm like, that's the

difference of being alone and being in a relationship. So I could be

listening. Like a lot of times I'm with you, but I'm not like, just genuinely,

I'm not making anything that gives you connection to me

or engagement. So sometimes it's not even a way of subtly shutting down, but

it's just remember like you're in a relationship here. So

there is a back and forth. Well, and is the

consequence of that neutrality or of whatever that

stoicism is, the other partner in the relationship

has to whatever degree their personality allows

for. To me that is like, okay, well if he's not

going to initiate, then I need to. And if it's, you know,

anything. But to me, like, there's like there is a

hue of leadership, important leadership and initiation

too. Sure. And that's, that's a masculine trait. When I'm talking about being

regulated, I'm not talking about that. No, you're good, you're good.

But where I was going was I may by and Large be have a regulated

nervous system. But I'm. There's also a difference between that and

being resourced. Right. So. Well, and I mean I think

I was feeling this earlier, which we haven't talked about, but I think is so

important about knowing your partner and knowing the

responsibilities that they have on your plate. Like you are holding heart open space for

people all day long. Right. And you are in a very deep

containers of relationship with

many more people than me, you know, than just me. And

so again, like you have to like really start

being aware of not you, but everyone, like where

we are under resource or like where we need replenishment.

Because you know, if that's your job or if you're, you know, a

therapist, whatever you're doing it for, for work, you might need

more. Which is kind of like where I think we ended up coming to

like. No, this isn't just a birthday thing. This is like a quarterly

thing that. Well, I wanted, I want, I want to go into that piece

too as well, because that was. That's super huge. And again,

astonishing is the word that we started with in the beginning. So

I was really clear that I wanted to feel resourced. From this trip I've done

bunch of work again with groups and with men where I'll go and fasted

and I want to go super deep. And I did want to

go super deep within myself, but also getting there.

So when I arrived, I unpacked and did movement. Like

I did movement once to twice a day from breathing exercises to

stretching to brought some light weights, yoga mat,

red light and just really set up being resource.

So did movement. Finished with a great meal, got in bed early, did

meditation. You also sent me with like 50 or

so pictures and photos, like physical photos

of me as a kid, you as a baby,

Luca, all of us as a family. And I had them out everywhere.

Like had a beautiful altar. Are you willing to share

what that was around too? I mean, I think that

another natural thing to pair

this type of experience is with

certain medicines. Sure, yeah. I think. I mean, I think it's important

to be transparent with that. But that's kind of like in

historical times, you know, men would go out

into isolation, pre hunt, pre whatever vision quests,

you know, and connect with, you know, one nature being

a psychedelic form, but also other

plant technologies that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So

day one was. Or night one was all about resource. I mean

the whole trip was about getting resourced and really filling my cup

up. But so I really wanted to go to. Because

I was considering Actually sitting with the power plants, one in

particular, mushrooms. But I was planning on sitting with it

that night because normally when I sit in groups or whatever, you

usually do it late in the evening when you're tired and your ego

defenses are down. The patterns tend to show up more. But I didn't want to

do that. I was like, I don't want to feel exhausted from this. And I

was still debating even if I was going to sit or not, because I didn't

want to have an attachment to that again. My intention going in was

to allow myself full permission, full space to process,

express, feel what needed to be felt, and then

to have a clear vision for the next year. So then the next morning I

got up early. Like, I'm up normally super early, did my meditation, did

more movement, had a great meal, had my

altar set up, had just everything

dialed for the intentions of what I wanted to get out of it.

And then I sat around 11 or so.

So I knew I would finish in about 5ish hours. So I'd still get

done early enough to relax and chill and nap

and eat. And as I was on

the plants, I was looking at all the

photos. And I remember looking at a photo of you

as a really little girl. I remember how old you were, probably like Luca's age,

if not younger. And what

opened up for me was a massive emotional process around

whether it's true or not, but in that space, it's all energetic

or it's largely energetic, was connecting to what I

experienced was pain that you were experiencing at that age.

And what I imagined and. Or around

that time as a young girl. And that just cracked me open

and like tears and emotion and feeling. And then that

also opened the window into me connecting to the part

of myself that had unexpressed, untouched feelings

as a kid and looking at baby photos of me.

And that opened up a whole new emotional process. And it was about like

probably an hour to 90 minutes of feeling that

intensely. And other emotions came with it. You know, there

was anger, there was frustration. So there was. I told

you after, like, I mean, you know, when I go off on these things, I

usually go full on. And also had to remember we were staying.

I was staying at, you know, an Airbnb in the woods,

like a yurt. But, you know, allowing myself to yell and

scream and growl and. And punch pillows. And

again, one of the big nourishments for me, even outside of the

medicine on this one was when I've. And I'll always do

men's work and. And I am very connected to, like, really

incredible communities that are involved with plant medicines.

And when you do stuff in group, again, that's. The fifth essential nutrient for a

man is brotherhood. And there's also an etiquette in a

container. Right. Like, in those containers

I do allow myself to fully express. But there's also

the mindfulness of, hey, there's other people in the room. So what I really

wanted was full permission. Yeah. Because I think that was actually the more

healing thing than actually the medicine just amplifies

and pushes a bit more. But on that trip that was

day two, really had just some. I was literally looking

at all the photos. I don't even know how long I was looking. Had to

have been easily more than an hour. Well, more than an hour. I was sitting

with, like, 50 photos 1@ a time and just looking at it,

feeling into it, feeling my heart, feeling that moment, feeling

our relationship, feeling what you guys mean to me. And that was

just profound because how often do I. And we do this, like, never.

So to see this collage of the most important people and

moments that we've created and to truly be with one for

five or so minutes was like, wow.

Wow, they're so. I am so blessed.

Holy shit. Not only do I get to do this work here, but I

get the reminder of really why I say I'm doing all

this stuff for and who I'm doing it for. So

feeling that connection, getting that opportunity.

There was also a funny story that I'll share is

I remember going outside because it was in the woods. So I remember going outside

and wanting to sit on this stump. And

I started walking through the. Whatever.

The foliage. The foliage. And then I was like. I

thankfully had the wherewithal to remember. Like, dude, you're

colorblind, Mike. Like, real colorblind. I wonder if there's

poison ivy over here. And so I was like.

I went. Thankfully grabbed my phone shot, like, on medicine. This is on that.

Shot it. And then put it into chat GPT. I was like, should I be

worried? Or like, what is this? And they're like, yes, there is

poison ivy everywhere around you. Do not. Or poison oak, whatever it is,

stay calm. And I was like, oh, before you. Go and sit

for four hours meditation and literally a patch of.

I swear, you were just like, Mr. Magoo over

here. But that was. That was a big step for you to, like, anticipate that

danger. Yeah, yeah. I mean, someone was looking out for me.

So I regressed back or went back in, you know,

washed my feet off. Everything was fine, but it was like, oh man.

Okay, like, keep my wits about me a little bit. Wouldn't

do these solo trips. But then the next day I did

something which was my birthday, which I've wanted to do for a while,

but it was, I got up like around, I don't know, 4ish am or a

little after 4, and did a 4 hour unbroken meditation

outside in nature, watching the sunrise come up.

And it was so powerful and profound because

in that moment, one of the things that came up was as I was

sitting, I had multiple times the impulse coming through

my body that you should be doing something, you should be working. Why aren't you

productive? Get back to creating content. And I observed the

impulse inside me and just waited and it went

away. And I was like, oh my God, how much in my day to

day am I just reacting to this impulse driven by

I need to beat the provider, I need to be working. And

so when I came home and we went out to dinner that night and I

told you about the trip and you were, I mean, you were feeling me in

that moment. You had asked me the question of,

you know, how often do you think you need this? Or how often do you

want something like this? And I remember saying, well, like man, once

a year, like, this is so powerful. And I really got

clarity on simplicity being my word for 2026 and

keeping you and my family in my awareness energetically at all times.

And I said once a year. And then I was like.

And with hesitation I was like, maybe twice a year.

And I remember I'll never forget you, like, look at me dead in the eye

and you go, what if we double that? And I was like,

what? Look, one, thank you so much.

And two, you are a damn good woman. So

that gift, my work this year is to

really do more work in solitude.

And again, for you to see that and acknowledge it. And actually like, that

was something I was telling TED about this. My, my men were

my men's work mentor. And I told him what you said and I was like,

that's a TED response. That's a TED response. And he even

says, he's like, I'm going to use that and, but really

challenging me. And so it was.

And coming back, now that we've laid out our year like

we now on every Friday is our relationship and financial meeting

day, we've put that in every single week on the calendar. We've got

our family trips blocked out. We also,

we blocked out three of these trips for me. So every quarter, every

4ish, months of trimester, quarter, whatever. And

it's really been so nourishing that it's empowered me too.

I've been saying no to so many things. Yeah, so many

things. And you'll attest to it because I can say

yes to a lot of things and it's all oftentimes good opportunities. But

in part why I've been able to say no and do so

like confidently to new opportunities or what that just don't feel aligned

with my vision for this year is because I know

that I'm going to have these opportunities to really go into me.

Yeah. So well. And I think that that's like as everything

we've talked about even going into this

conversation. What I feel like is an

experience in those types of experiences

is a true commitment and honoring of the

depth that's needed

in this wild human experience.

Because truly modern society lives at the

pace of an attention span of a squirrel.

And it's just, it's truly harmful

I think to have the

constant surface level operation.

Like, and I know you drop in like in your work and stuff, you're not

only surface level by any means, but when it comes to like

resourcing ourselves, meeting our needs, it's like again

getting, peeling back the layers, that takes time, that

takes spaciousness, it requires it. It's not, I mean

even just you know, maybe your level of depth or my level

of depth, if you are an experienced meditator or something,

like maybe you can drop into that faster the longer you had that practice,

but still the depth that you're, the things that you're going to be able to

be aware of and unlock in yourself with a 15 minute meditation

every morning versus a three day long potential

meditation, it's just, it's on.

There's no comparison, you know. So I think that those, like the daily

practice is so important as like you know, your supplement.

But then sometimes like surgery is required, you know, sometimes you need to

really, not sometimes, but like with a

level of consistency throughout your life to really design

it. So you especially like you're a

very deep person, you know, Like I, I know like I don't

want to deal with like small talk, you know, like

it's just, it's not nourishing to me. So

if that is you, if you're like someone who likes either

philosophize. Is that the right word? I believe so. Okay, I believe so or

whatever. It's just like that level, that commitment to depth in

practice, in relationship and especially relationship with self,

with spirit, like I mean this is the difference between

like a micro dose and a macro dose, you know, And I think that those

are really important, especially if

you have the more complex your life is, the more responsibilities you have, the

more gears are constantly, you know, like there

just needs to be that pause that like honoring

of those deeper needs. Right. And

that like ritual involved and that spaciousness. And

you know, those photos were, you know, it kind

of just worked out this way. But you know, I was, I

got those all printed for Christmas presents and stuff,

but I was like, I put them in your birthday card too and it's like,

oh, and there was pictures of both of us as children and stuff.

It's like, when was the last time you, I mean you're

not a great example because you do this type of inner child work and stuff,

but when was the last time you really gazed at a picture of yourself,

a little kid or your partners? Like when was the last time you

saw that version of them in yourself? Like that part

of us is always there. It's like, but how ignored, how

silence, like are they? So it's again that, that theme of depth

and presence with yourself and all of these other

facets in the body, in, you know, your, your heart.

I just don't think our light. It's not to anyone's fault that

they're not well versed or practiced into that stuff. It's

truly a lot of it is just the pace and expectation of day

to day life, you know. So I think it's just a

deeply nourishing gift to self and

someone else to like allow them to

not have, you know, the clock for me is like, oh, it's like my

nemesis. Because it's like if I

don't have just that like, I don't know, sometimes

punctuations on time are, can be helpful, but a lot of time when it comes

to this deeper work, it's like I can't have an agenda on like when I

need to button this up. Right. You know, and, and that's not fair

to expect that out of myself that like, you know, I

process a deep childhood wound or you know,

a present child, whatever. It's like in the 15

minutes that I may or may not have designed for myself in my day to

day life, I just don't think it's a realistic. And to like

expect our partner to be fully all

good all the time, like, that's not fair, you know, and.

But I think if we're constantly putting the band aid on of like,

yeah, you need to Be here, be here, be here. Because, like, we all have

our limits. So. Yeah, I want to share with that. Well, I think what you

gave voice to is really important because,

like, this is even now why the men of movement retreat,

even though the. We call it like the hold your ground Men of movement retreat,

it's really the breakthrough. But the, the men's group, the

grounded king is the practice, right? So the meditations daily

is the practice with these punctuated or

strategic points in the year where you can really, or I can really go deep

enough. Because like I said, that was maybe a slight

hesitation to bringing up the, the plant medicine work, because

that really wasn't. When I was going into this, that was

not what it was about. And I didn't even know. I wasn't 100 certain I

wanted to give myself that option. And I just want to voice that here because,

you know, I really do believe this is why there's also no plant medicines at

our retreats, because a man can go super

deep without that. And also, if you're thinking about

any of this, my strong advice and recommendation is actually

just have your. Your trip be just you.

Nature breath meditation, the practices that you feel you

can take home with you, and especially if you don't have a fair bit of

experience with that and being guided with that. So

it was one component which was incredible. Incredible how,

you know, to help me tap into and amplify what was

inside. But it was, it was an assist. It

was not what the whole trip was about by any means. The real

medicine, I believe, was me allowing myself what you just said, full

permission, uninterrupted, time to go through a process.

So I just wanted to make that, you know, that note there

and, and really just again. And I've said this multiple times, but truly to

thank you. You're welcome, baby. Like,

like deeply. Thank you. And thank you. I mean, I think

it's. It's him. Thank you for doing the work

day in, day out, you know, and that looks a lot of different ways, but

I think your audience knows too.

Your commitment is so genuine

to your practice, to your heart.

Again, that's. That's the daily work,

right? It's like. Is that your operating mechanism? And it

is, you know, so it's like these things, it. I mean, you're

so welcome. And I think that that's what makes it such an easy.

It made it such an easy thing to quote, unquote, gift even, you know,

like, it was a gift to me too. But the big gift

is just your, Your Willingness to

be confronted by yourself, you know, your willingness

to be confronted by others too, you know, like in how you

live your life. I mean, you're one of the people,

like very few people that always has

the hard conversations, you know, and that's like a

perfect example of like, if you didn't do that, then

this would have been an escape. If, you know, like on the day to day,

how you operate and that integrity piece

around, it's like, okay, now you get to receive, you know,

like, that is so important.

You know, it's like truly like allowing yourself

to receive that. We have jokes about

our ease of receiving. Well, I remember

you had asked me, I have a bracelet on that you gifted me, which is

also hilarious. There's like this. That's not going to,

not going to translate. Okay, but you had asked me when I was driving up

there, like, what, what arm are you wearing a bracelet on? Oh, yeah. And I

was wearing it on my left, which is more the feminine receiving, the right being

the masculine. It's just a symbolic thing. I was just laughing what you're like

receiving. I was like, yeah, I wore the bracelet on the left. And that goes

back a few years. But as we, as we close off, close out.

Yeah. I just want to open it up to you. Is there anything in addition

that you feel would be important to communicate or anything you want to

leave anybody listening, male or female,

listening? Well, I mean, I

think another theme, in addition to, you know,

having clarity on our genuine needs

is so important. And I think

what makes it, what makes us able to actually

receive and to, you know, support others and our

partner and meeting their needs is truly that.

What's it called? I don't know, the age old thing of

communication. Like without that.

Yeah. I mean, if, if a man were to go like, demand this experience or

just how it's communicated, what the need is, is so important.

And you know, on both sides,

I just think communication is the key to ease and,

you know, peace in relationship. And I think we

still have our work to do on that. It's like it's never, it never

stops, you know, But I think that consistency

with how we communicate

is so important and to ultimately

being your own advocate, like, what, what

do you need as an individual to really

communicate and meet your own needs and to meet your partner's

needs too? Because, you know, it's easy to, especially in this line of work. It's

like you meet all of your needs and I meet all of

my needs. And that is such bullshit. Like there is,

if you are in relationship. There's like

individual needs and then there's needs of

a relationship. Right. And it's like until you bridge those,

knowing that each other's needs are ultimately the

relational needs and like, will be the determinant of

how healthy and happy the relationship is. It's like you can

go on fighting that individual fight. It's important. But like,

yeah, I think communication is where that actually

happens. So yeah, just to lean into

that and then. Yeah, everything else that was already said.

Beautiful. I want to. All this piggyback and close out reminding

of the five nutrients. So one is

freedom from demand. Two is

time in, let's just say raw nature.

Three is solitude. Four is purposeful

physical expression. And then five is

genuine quality brotherhood.

Sweetie, I love you. I love you too. Thank you. And

husbands. Your wife might really

like something similar. Maybe it's a three day silent

meditation retreat. Hint,

hint. No, I'm just kidding. You already know I got that plan. You know.

You already know that's coming. But yeah, I mean, we didn't even talk about the

rest. We didn't even talk about the reciprocity component of that. And

yeah, the. The silent retreat's coming for you too, baby. No.

Yeah. I love you guys. All right, Ciao, ciao. Great being here.