Speaker: 00:00:05

Hi, I'm Leila Ainge, psychologist and researcher.

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Welcome back to Psychologically Speaking, a podcast all about human behaviour, bringing

together fascinating research insights and real life experiences.

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This season, we are exploring goals with podcast listeners like you.

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we'll meet them at a place where they are formulating their goals or resolutions for 2026.

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Let's meet Rebecca Slater.

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Rebecca is a public relations consultant and founder of Beckham Call PR.

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She helps small to medium enterprises and charities tell their stories and raise their

profiles.

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She's got over 25 years in the industry and she's seen and handled just about everything

that PR can throw at you and still loves the buzz of a great campaign and seeing her

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clients make headlines.

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But when she's not crafting copy or juggling client calls, you'll find Rebecca reading,

working out, eating out and socializing.

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She's often told that she collects people and she's quite happy with that reputation.

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In her words, her mind is always whirring and there's usually another idea or story just

around the corner.

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And that's where we're going to meet Rebecca today.

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Talking about a story.

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So my goal for 2026 is I'd really like to write a book, It's just something I've always

wanted to do.

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So I figured by doing this, might give me the push to actually get on and do it.

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Because I've got loads of ideas.

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when did you first think, oh I'd love to write a book,

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gosh, probably forever, probably since I was a kid.

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I love books, I've always read loads since I was a kid.

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When I was a kid, I'd walk down the road reading and just would have books with me all the

time.

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I've always wanted to write fiction rather than a book about work or something that I do

day to day.

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And I've just got notebooks full of ideas.

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I've got quite a creative and active brain.

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I've got a pretty strong idea of a children's book.

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I've even in my head got three or four of the same character, like three or four stories.

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for different books with the same character, but I just never get around to pushing myself

to actually do it.

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this is a brilliant way to put that intention out there.

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I'm writing a book in 2026, a children's book to be more specific

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what things have to be in place

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for you to be able to get started with this.

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time, confidence, because I don't want to self-publish, so that's quite a big factor.

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I think the research, I think I'm quite self-aware, so I'm aware that I am a huge

procrastinator if I feel that I might fail at something.

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So I don't procrastinate generally, but if I...

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Hmm.

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subconsciously I think, maybe this won't work, maybe it won't be successful, I tend to

like find ways of putting off.

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And I think that's what's happening with the book idea that I'm like, well, what if no one

wants it?

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What if I can't do it?

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So I keep putting it off.

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So I'd say time, confidence, research.

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But again, that's a form that shows that I'm very procrastinating because I've done PR for

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three or four people who've published books and have had publishers.

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So I know that I can, not that I can use their publishers, but I can gather the

information on where to start.

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I know that I've got in my contacts people who've actually published books.

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So I could really have said,

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I don't worry so much about the writing side.

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I write every day and it is a different type of writing,

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so talk to me about the time, because that was the first thing that you said, break that

down, what does time look like, Are we talking weeks, months, years, 10 minutes?

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I just need like...

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don't know, probably months I would guess.

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That's a guess to write a book and do the research.

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I don't know.

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I would guess months, maybe to a year.

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I don't know.

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I guess that's where the research comes in, in knowing timelines and how it works with,

like, do you go to the publisher with an idea and then write, or do I have to write and I

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need to understand all that stuff.

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So I need time for that.

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I reckon if I just add like...

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a few hours a week even if like just little chunks.

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But I think like normally I have like a Sunday to myself, not at the moment but normally I

do have a Sunday where I'm home alone and so I know I have got the time.

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So finding time is not the challenge I'm hearing.

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and using that time because I think often what happens by the time we get to that Sunday

where the day is my own, I've been working, running around, doing dinners, making lunches,

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like all the normal stuff that people do and then I feel like maybe a little bit of me

then when that Sunday times comes is like, this is my time.

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And maybe I need to change my mindset and be like, well, this is my time and in my time,

I'm going to start doing some work on this book.

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Whereas currently my mindset is always like, this is my time.

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I'm going to sit and read a book or I'm going to watch that series that I haven't watched

this week.

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So I think it's like shifting mindset and changing what I do with my free time rather than

not having the time.

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I'm going to replay this to you because I think that's really curious what you've just

said.

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What you've described there is setting out a portion of your week to work on a goal, but

having this fight internally with the fact that that time is your downtime, is your

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leisure time, is your time for you.

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And I might ask you, how might you...

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rather than try and reframe yourself to I must work when I'm in my rest period.

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How might you then think about how that would be achieved on other days?

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How might you do some of this goal on other days and keep and protect your rest time, your

leisure time?

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I suppose I could do evenings but in reality by evenings I'm just well a little boy still

likes me to sit with him when he goes to bed and all that palaver so by evening I'm

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normally quite depleted and ready for bed myself.

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Talk to me about your notebooks, because you said I've got notebooks full of ideas.

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When is that happening?

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When are you putting those notes in?

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Well, I carry my notebook with me all the time.

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So I guess because it is just normally like, I don't know, write it on the go sort of

thing.

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if I was getting, just the notebook is more about when I get, I carry the notebook in case

an idea comes.

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If you see what I mean, I'd never have the notebook thinking, I'll use this and start

formulating the idea.

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Well, that could be an idea that sometimes when I have.

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but if I'm on a train or something, maybe use that time to grow the ideas because I do

have the book with me.

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But yes, normally the notebook is just something that I always carry.

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And it's for any ideas, so it might be related to my other work.

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Like I might say something and think, that'd work for so and so.

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There's no growth on any of the books.

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They're all just like a story about, I don't know, wouldn't say I had an idea for a story

about what if you ran away and every day for 30 days you pretended to be someone else.

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So think, so when these mad things just come into my head, I just write that story about

being a different person every day for 30 days and what things you would discover.

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I hadn't really developed the idea.

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But then, for one day, they're in one place and they might, if they meet people, might

say, I'm an actress, blah, blah, I'm here to do a play.

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And then another day, they might be in another place and they might say, I'm a baker.

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And then, see, looking at how people interact differently with people when they think

different things about them.

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whether that would help someone find themselves if they tried on lots of different

versions of themselves or different things they wanted to be.

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So this is how my brain works.

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Psychologically, is such an interesting concept.

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So But it feels massive, that one, whereas the children's book feels more doable at this

moment.

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Why is that?

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I think because of the children's it's more simple in my brain.

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The idea of the story is more simple.

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I can visualize the images and things that I want.

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So yeah, think the children's book feels more manageable in my mind as a starting point,

whereas that other book...

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I feel like I would start and totally lose my momentum that I'd be like, oh, this is

exciting because this is how my brain works.

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This is exciting.

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Shiny, shiny Magpie.

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And then I'd do about three days of stories about this person.

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And then I'd be like, I don't care now.

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But this is a really interesting observation, isn't it?

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I think many people will resonate with this idea of having goals and then trying to

balance a massive, huge, big goal versus bringing that into something that is...

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And I'm going to use the word realistic, which we're always told to make a smart goal,

aren't we?

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know, make it specific, make it measurable, make it achievable, make it realistic.

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Personally, if that works for you, great.

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I always find that that makes me just switch off and go, well, that sounds boring now.

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I don't want to do it.

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And there is a lot of evidence to suggest that the bigger we go with goals, the more

stretching we go with it, the more fulfilling

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there's a thing called writers HQ.

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It's because you asked me about how could I use that time to, and then when we've been

talking about the bigger book idea and I was saying, oh, it's too much.

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a couple of times I went to a thing in Birmingham called writers HQ and that that would be

a good way of maybe getting

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into writing the book it's the full day and there's a group of you, normally about eight

or 10.

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And you just write in sprints and you don't have to share what you've written or anything

with anyone.

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I enjoy it.

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But also I'm in a place where

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sort of out of my control.

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If you know what mean, I can't get up and be like, I'm going to just distract myself by

putting the washing on or, why don't I just listen to this podcast or why don't I just put

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that on the television?

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Because I've paid to be in a place to do a specific task.

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So it took me a while to get there, but maybe that's a way I could get started

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I love that you're identifying the types of resources and support that can scaffold your

goal now.

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So we've gone from, I need to find time, I need to do research, and it was all very much

I, I need to do all of this on my own.

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And now what I'm hearing is, how can I use community?

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How can I use resource?

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reflecting on the timing and psychologically, a challenge to consider Sunday being, you

know, conceptually at the end of the week and what happens when Sunday gets overtaken.

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How will that make you feel on Monday knowing that the Sunday passed and perhaps how do

you build something in on other days of the week as a bit of practice and that sounds like

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you already have a bit of the answer with you take a note.

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book away with you what I would reflect on with you there is

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working between this all or nothing space when it comes to procrastination because

procrastination puts us in all or nothing, thinking.

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It's like I have to have brilliant circumstances to be able to get started and to complete

what I need to do.

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Whereas if we come out of that procrastination space, saying, it might not be ideal time,

but actually I've got 10 minutes.

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I'll do this or I'll do that.

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so like I exercise every day and I do it first thing in the morning, but because it's a

big thing for me, like it's something I want to do, nothing gets in the way of it.

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So maybe I need to start thinking of it like that.

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you like say every morning between half six or seven o'clock I get up and I go outside.

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We've got a little room with some exercise equipment in.

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and I do it without fail.

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And then I found that I was rushing, so I adapted my program.

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So I found on my Peloton a 20 minute express weights program.

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So every day now for the past seven weeks, I've just done 20 minutes of weights every day

and 10 minutes of cardio and then longer workouts at the weekend, which seems I'm going

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all around the house.

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But my point is I've made that a priority.

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I adapted it so maybe that's what I need to do with the writing because, the exercise was

important to me when I couldn't fit the hour in, I didn't just go, oh well, I haven't got

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an hour, I'm not gonna bother doing it.

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I was like, well, what can I do?

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that flexibility of thinking is gonna be absolutely key for you achieving this goal.

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So there's a experiment that happened.

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Katie Milkman, the psychologist, worked with employees at Google and she set them some

activities to do around exercise, but she incentivized them.

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So she said,

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if you go to the gym every day you'll get this amount of money and so guess what people

went to the gym and the group was split into two so some were told you need to get the

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same time every single day and then the second group were told you need to go every day

they weren't told what time of day they needed to go and both groups were incentivized and

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at the end of that incentivization both groups went really consistently because they were

being paid to but

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When the incentivisation got taken away, it was the group that weren't going at the same

time every day that were more consistent because they had already learnt to be more

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flexible.

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So if something came along and took them off their schedule, they were used to being

flexible in moving around it.

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So we know what you're saying there is, I've dealt with that this year, I've already been

flexible.

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So you've got that mental flexibility and strength.

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And another thing I just want to try

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I use Peloton as well, is how much do you look at the app itself because my app tells me

if I've got a streak going so if I've managed to like run

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streaks.

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I'm obsessed.

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On my private Instagram, I swear, I must bore people to death, right?

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Because I use the app.

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So like I'm always posting on Instagram, I'm 135 weeks streak.

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Or the other day, I reached 800 strength workouts.

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So everybody on my private Instagram, even though they don't care, has to know that I'm

doing 800 strength workouts.

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because I'm in the annual challenge.

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So every time I reach a thousand minutes, I'm like, this year so far I've done 9,000

minutes.

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So yeah, that sort of thing does motivate makers.

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So how do we replicate some of that accountability and that demonstration of your goal?

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for me, it's getting into the pattern of writing because like with exercise, I've

exercised, actively chosen, made a conscious decision to exercise, for about 20 odd years.

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So I suppose it's making it the habit.

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So maybe like starting with doing like 10 minutes, three times a week until it becomes

like such a habit that then, because I suppose that's probably how it started with gym

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stuff.

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when we went into lockdown and I couldn't go, I recognised that, I don't actually need the

gym because I'm still doing all the stuff without a gym.

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that shows how it becomes such a part of my every day that then we were like, I don't need

to pay gym membership because I can motivate myself to do that.

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so I guess it's like building it up maybe until it becomes a bit like exercise, till it

becomes like, I don't really need motivating to do this.

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I just do it because now it's a thing that I do.

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So maybe if I started with a little bit.

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It's been really useful to explore that idea of time and habit.

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Some days, like yesterday, I'd sort of finished my work.

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I'd sort of lost momentum by about four o'clock.

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But maybe I could have used that time, because I didn't really do anything in that time.

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Even to just look at what notes I've made and see how I could expand on them or Google

publishers or email one of my contacts saying, do you, what is the process?

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you've got to start taking action on things, it's working out, how does that action,

what's the action look like?

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How can you be flexible with that action?

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And you've bottomed that out a little bit.

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Ideally, you will use Sundays to do writing on the book that you are going to do, but

you'll also recognize that there's some flexibility possibly needed in the way in which

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you build that habit into your week.

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that I think is quite linked into this idea of taking action on asking somebody about what

the steps are in the overall timeline is how you are measuring success with this as well.

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So that was the second thing you mentioned, you mentioned know time, procrastination and

success.

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So what does success look like for you?

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And I want to ask you about what success would look like for writing that adult book

because that was the one that you've perceived

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to be bigger.

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Success would be getting somebody who wanted to publish it.

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actually writing it would be a success as well.

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But getting somebody.

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I think I'd feel more successful getting someone who wanted to publish it as opposed to

the amount of people who would buy it.

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Yes.

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which maybe sounds a bit backwards, I think for me, with the validation that somebody else

went, yes, that's a good idea.

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And the bigger book, I don't know, when I just think even think about the bigger book

already, I automatically start cutting it down.

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So that tells me that that feels quite scary.

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I wonder if one of the goal actions is to have a conversation about the big scary thing

with somebody who knows their stuff.

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Yes.

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Yes, so to speak to somebody about the big book.

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Yeah, because I know, a well-recognized author.

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I think she's written probably about 30 books.

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she's written loads of books and they're all adult books, know, thousands and thousands of

words.

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So she obviously knows what she's doing.

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answering that success question feels interesting at the moment because perhaps the

success is about the first thing we've talked about which is getting into the habit and

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becoming that writer.

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It's more about identity and all of those wonderful psychological things.

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Perhaps firming up the outcome, that's something that will happen as part of your goal

journey for 2026.

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Yeah, because I could say that I would maybe change my mind and hopefully like you never

know I'm going to write the big book instead.

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and I think it's interesting how, like, the big book really, the idea excites me, but how

I automatically, like, stop myself and, like, I'll start with the children's book because

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that seems more achievable.

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But equally, I'm aware with my PR head on that it's very hard to transition from writing a

children's book to then being like, actually, now I write this.

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So maybe as time goes on, I'll settle on what I want to write.

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Are there costs to you?

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I don't just mean financially, but what are the costs to you in embarking on this goal and

this resolution for 2026?

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it's gonna take time away from other things.

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Especially, maybe that's another thing in my brain that subconsciously is putting me off

the big book, that the smaller book I feel like, oh, that won't take me as long.

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I could do that in chunks quite easily.

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Whereas the big book I feel like.

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In my head, feel like it would take over everything.

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you know, like when you get into a flow knowing how my mind works, end up being lots of

late nights and not having very good sleep because my brain's going, what about this?

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What about this?

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So yeah, I think time would be a big cost.

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when your head's kind of moving at a million miles an hour, what's your current strategy

for coping?

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I have a notebook.

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Hahaha!

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That is my life, that's how I my life with various notebooks.

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No, so before I go to bed, most days, I am a terrible doom scroller, I'm aware of that,

but before I go to bed I have like a journal where every week I plan my week and then at

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the end of the week you review your week, but each day I have to like go in and mark if

I've done...

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I set myself goals, so it won't be 10,000 steps, two liters of water, do some exercise,

practice my singing, so I have singing lessons.

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And I have to fill in whatever I've achieved, the things that I, so I do that before bed.

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And then I have a five-year journal that asks me a question every day.

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So I do that.

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And then I just tend to have my notebook.

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And I tend to listen to...

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Peloton meditation, think, sleep meditation, because sometimes struggle to turn my brain

off.

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Especially if I've got lots of ideas, or if I'm worried, so I find doing the meditation or

something tends to send me to sleep.

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And occasionally, my sleep probably, I tend to not struggle so much getting to sleep.

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If I'm having sleep problems, it would be staying asleep.

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um probably you know that like three o'clock oh like three o'clock i need a way and then

suddenly my brain's fully awake even though i've the light off and tried to creep about in

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the dark so as not to wake myself fully up

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scan, then.

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That's a really good strategy and coping strategy that you've got there.

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So having that in your back pocket is perfect because then if you come across the same

challenge around, not being able to switch off, you know what works for you.

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I think what is starting to unfold for me is just this...

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perception of somebody who is highly organized or puts lots of structure, you like to

scaffold what you do and I would call it scaffolding with journals and questions and

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prompts and I think you know taking that and how you like to work around other areas of

your life building some of that into this goal so let me ask you, are you calling this a

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goal or are you calling it a resolution?

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goal.

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I'm going to take my lillite resolutions.

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this goal that you've got needs to be scaffolded for success because that works for you or

has worked well for you in the past.

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And also when you scaffold, you build in good habits and you build in coping habits as

well.

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Summarize where we've got to your goal is to write a book you really want to write a book

for adults And you've got a really good idea You want to write a book for the validation?

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Initially to be told yes, this is good enough to be published and you are Concerned about

procrastination getting started finding time but you

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know that you find time to do things that you want to do when you put the scaffolding

around it.

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So there's some really good signs here that you're going to be successful with this goal

that you've got next year.

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The other thing that we talked about was really the resources that you've got in place.

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So you have access to people, community who have been through the steps to publish a book

multiple times and you can ask questions and so you've got a lot of

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unknowns around your goal journey for next year.

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So the goal is twofold.

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One, to get into habit of being the writer that you want to be, doing the writing you want

to do.

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And the second part of that is to understand the process, what that means and what it

entails, and then to break that down into something that's manageable for you.

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Yes, that makes sense.

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I think it's a fascinating goal.

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So the first thing that we would normally ask then around goals is what is your first

action and when are you going to achieve it by?

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you can either start on January the 1st or you can start today

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rather start today.

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not really a January the first, like, feel like you can start something any day.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Maybe I could just start taking 10 minutes to write or sometimes

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and I can add it to my little journal thing that I fill in on a note.

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then I'll track it, see,

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them little steps I have every day, they're the things that are important to me.

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action one is to start and to mark down your progress.

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I'm going to talk to you now about your resources.

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So you mentioned reaching out to somebody.

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Is that an action that you could take between now and perhaps December?

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would be your second.

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And then I'm going to give you an action as well.

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So my action is explore the kinds of apps that you can get for your phone around book

writing.

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because I wonder if there is something that is similar to a Peloton for writing a book or

something that fits more in with your journaling.

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You have described to me how scaffolding works for you

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So there's three things.

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I'm going to...

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send you an email in four weeks time, I'm going to say how are you finding those three

things and include that in a podcast episode in January we're going to come together with

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a couple of other guests and we'll talk about where you're at.

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So depending on whether my guests have started straight away or in January will depend on

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which episode you'll fall into, I think.

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Yeah.

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chooses

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January now.

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It will be interesting, won't it?

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I think, isn't it interesting the choices that we make and why we make them?

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So yeah.

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just seems like another form of procrastination.

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that's why I was like, no, I'll do it now.

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And then hopefully by January, it will be a habit.

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And that was my logic behind that.

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I am very much looking forward to seeing how you scaffold this goal.

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how that habit formation works to hearing what insights you find and the research that you

uncover about what your goal journey is going to look like in 2026, because I think this

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one's very much a journey of discovery and very interested to hear how that goes for you.

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Thank you.

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Are you ready to meet our next guest?

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I want to grow Ace of Place into something bigger than just me.

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It is all about celebrating places

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I think I can remember being somewhat

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perplexed by conversations people would have when I was younger about people putting down

roots and this idea that you would be rooted to a place because I never was, was always,

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every two or three years we would move

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and I get it now as a 40 something year old bloke with, I've got an 11 year old and a five

year old, we bought this house before either of them were born,

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Our whole lives are kind of baked in and around this sort of, well, it's like a 10 mile

radius of our house really.

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And yeah, it's taken all that time to kind of understand that, I suppose.

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In next week's episode, you will get to hear from Darren Scotland, who is the illustrator

and designer behind Ace of Place.

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I cannot wait for you to hear his goals and everything that he's been up to in 2025 it's

definitely set the tone for his ambition for 2026.

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Thank you for listening to Psychologically Speaking with me Leila Ainge and a favour I've

set my own goal to double the number of folk who listen to this podcast each week.

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Here's your invitation to share this episode with two friends or contacts

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with the question, what's your goal for 2026?