Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Wedding Lounge Podcast.
Now a little while ago we put out on Instagram that we wanted some questions from you, our listeners.
So we could answer them in a podcast episode and hopefully it'll help some of you with some
questions that you might have. We'll go from there. Exactly. So we haven't actually looked at these
before. We've not prepared anything. I've just got the screenshot on my phone. Great. Let's go for it.
So one of the first questions that we received was from a bride who has asked, "What's the best
time to start planning?" My fiance and I are having this debate at the moment.
I think it's when you know you want to get married. Yes. I think if you're one of these couples
who gets engaged and plans a long engagement, start planning it when you're ready to get married.
I think the hard thing is, if you don't start planning it, you might never. Yeah.
Yeah. On it, my mentality when I got engaged was we were engaged to be married. So the same day we
got engaged, we came up with a date that we wanted to get married on. So we kind of knew then,
even if it's two or three years away, maybe as soon as you come up with a date, I'll sit you in the
planning crisis. I'd chosen my date and my venue before he popped up again.
Of course you did. I actually took Jamie to a wedding fair this venue. I knew what church we wanted
to get married then. And then she went round and I said, "Do you have a 20th of October available
next year?" She's like, "We do actually." And it was our fourth anniversary of our first date.
So I was like, "Okay." I mean, he had kind of mentioned about looking at rings and things,
so we knew it was coming. Yeah, it wasn't just totally out of the blue, but I think the tashes
right depends on whether you're planning get married in the next few years or whether you are delaying
it. If you are delaying it, then it's hard to know when to start. But in terms of planning in
general, I mean, you can plan a wedding in a little less six weeks or you can take two years over it.
I would say nine to 12 months is the ideal time to plan a wedding. Yeah. So if you're planning on
getting married in five years time, start the actual planning for years into your engagement.
One year before you plan to get married, so you've kind of got that ideal length of time because
what will happen is you have so much momentum at the beginning. Yes. We'll call the big things.
Then you get a big lull, which there is for anyone if they have even nine to 12 months. Exactly.
But you kind of want to avoid that as much as possible. You want to keep them in to go in the
excitement, go planning a wedding over four or five years will be an absolute slog. So don't give
yourself too much time. Yes. Have an idea if you want a long engagement. Great.
Set a date when you're going to start planning before the date. So I would say a year before you
actually want to have your wedding. Yes. We've got to say for four or five years before that.
Say for four or five years and then go into it. Yeah. Definitely. Thank you very much for your
question. And I hope that that helps. I don't know when you're getting married, but hopefully
you're well on the way. This is coming up this summer. Our next question. Why do people act up
before or during weddings and cause drama? Weddings are very like a motivation and everyone
might have imagined what your wedding might be like growing up whether they're the parents of
a groom or a bride. Everyone wants to be involved because it is a special occasion and everyone
loves going to a wedding. They love being involved with it. It's such a happy occasion. Sometimes
if people haven't been to weddings for a long time themselves, like older family members,
it's something to look forward to. And everyone has an opinion on weddings. Everyone has an
opinion and I also find that people who are already married then think they have the knowledge. Let's
say, so we want to get involved because they've done it. Yes. It tends to happen quite a lot.
And just someone else married a certain way. It doesn't mean your wedding can happen. And I also
think there's people that think they have special privileges. So, you know, if you're a sibling
or it's your sibling and then suddenly your sibling decides they want to bring their child along.
You don't want children at your wedding. There's hard conversations there. And I think that's it.
I think why do people act up because drama? It's often because there's been assumptions. There's
not been clear communication. And you're right. There are awkward conversations to be had.
Trying to work out a budget to family are contributing. That is awkward. Sorting out guess lists.
But I think the communication can really try and help to prevent people. We've had this.
Personally, as I've mentioned a few times, my brothers getting married this year. Very exciting.
He and his fiancee have asked our girls to be part of party. They've asked them to be flower girls.
Yeah. But then there was a discussion around them not actually walking up the aisle.
And I was like, well, what's the point in them being flower girls if they're not doing that?
Fine. That is your preference. And I said that. So we've had that
good conversation of it's either you want them to walk up the aisle and wear something specific,
rate, or they can wear their own thing and not be part of the bride or party. It can't be in
between. Those girls, if they've been asked to be flower girls, will be expecting to walk up the
aisle. Yeah. And if that is not what you want, say now and I can have the conversation with them.
Yeah, exactly. And that is you need to be direct. Yeah. And it's hard. And it needs to be in a way
that you're not hurting anyone's feelings or it's not causing drama. This is your wedding.
Yes. It needs to be the way you want it to be. And if someone has an assumption,
you need to push that off the knees, squash it. It's all about clear communication. And
just the motions do run high with weddings. And they and especially if there's other people
paying and yeah, money, family, family politics, family drama. Yeah. All gets in the way. Exactly.
I mean, we had lots of drama with our wedding. I won't bore you of that, but it just
happens. I mean, even clients, I can't think of a single client who hasn't had maybe some sort of
family dynamic to work or a friend dynamic. It doesn't even need to be a family dynamic.
Yeah. And it doesn't have to be that necessarily drama. But there's always something.
Yes. I think if you think someone's going to kick up a stink at your wedding and cause drama
unnecessarily, and you feel this is going to happen, rather than that weighing heavily on you
as the couple getting married, but someone in charge of that person. So if they start, you know,
they're the type of person that's going to stand up during the ceremony and say that they object.
Totally extreme there. Obviously, you can't do that unless there's a legitimate legal reason.
Yep. Have someone who you can turn to and be like XYZ may potentially want to cause disruptions.
Please, can you keep half an eye and make sure that doesn't happen? I've had to do that as the
planner. Yes. I've been asked as a planner to keep an eye on things for and try and be a neutral person
to try and maybe alter the course of a... Yeah. Exactly. But then it just takes the pressure off
you as a couple and the worry of you as a couple. So hopefully that's answered your question.
Yeah. It's hard to avoid. It's in the live time. I think clear communication is one of the best
ways you can try and limit the amount of drama around the wedding. Next question. How much entertainment
do my guests need after a one o'clock ceremony? Is it DJ enough from 730 onwards? I think you need
background noise. Yeah. So I think after your ceremony, even if you just have a speaker playing
some background music, I think it just creates a bit of an atmosphere. You don't have to spend a
load of money on it at all. A DJ from half seven until the end of the night. It depends when it is.
And it depends if you've got anything added to the DJ. 730 to say 1134 hours of just a DJ. You're not
going to have a full dance floor the whole time. I don't think you might want to add a different
element maybe for certain part of it. Add someone on a sax or a bongos or something just to add a
different element to it. Because obviously if you have a bat, you say this. My best friend who got
married on quite a tight budget. They created a playlist. It started around half past seven and
went until the end of the night midnight. Oh wow. They curated this playlist themselves. They
didn't even spend money on a DJ. Yeah. The tunes were off the chain. Yeah. And they were so it was
so good. And they had catered for everyone and it was so well curated. Yeah. I think if you have
really good faith in your DJ, they can do it. But you need to make sure that that DJ is bringing
the hype. Yeah. And that is bringing the evening entertainment. It depends. You might not want
a fancy evening. But if you do, you need to be really controlling. I think it's fine and it would
last. If you have the budget, yes, go for something live that's going to pull everyone in.
But I think in terms of entertainment, think just having sort of a drinks reception after the
ceremony. Some background music to say just on a playlist, just something you don't need to put on
live performances and oyster sugars or anything like that. But I would suggest maybe keeping your drinks
reception relatively concise. Yeah. An hour and a half absolute tops. Yeah. And then obviously people
will be enjoying conversation and everything. Yes. And then during the dinner, you don't need any
background music if you don't want or just a full playlist. And then the evening is the really,
really good selection of tunes that like progress through the night. Yeah. You don't need to entertain
your guests. No. You just need to have something in the background. Yeah. It's nice to entertain them.
It isn't a necessity. You don't need to put on a performance for it. Enjoy your conversation.
They'll talk to new people. You could even do something simple at dinner to people talking to
other people as entertainment or even just like a little game or people do cards or quizzes.
You know, it doesn't have to be a big budget. You could just do something small like that over dinner.
Just if you feel that you need something to entertain the guests. Yeah. But it doesn't have to be
big budget. Just carefully thought about. Yes. So hopefully that helps. Then we have got one here.
Wow. Getting married abroad. So it's twofold. It's about where to start with planning a wedding
abroad. And then also a question I guess about planning like what to think about with a planning
a party back home. Yeah. Afterwards. So where to start with planning abroad? I think when you're
starting planning abroad, you need to think about where you want to go. There's lots of people
love the idea of abroad, but then they go, I beat them. You can swing Italy. They're all so different.
Yeah. You need to find the vibe that's right for you. Yeah. And someone that means something
to you maybe or you want it to mean something makes it forward. Exactly. And then I would think about
your list numbers. Are you planning a small wedding abroad or a large wedding abroad? And that
will kind of help you determine budgets. Yes. Yeah. And because if you're planning a large
wedding abroad and you're taking everyone out with you or you're taking like my brother 50% of the
guests are coming from the UK. Yeah. You need to plan something for that whole weekend. You can't
just explain them to fly to Barbados or Sri Lanka or something like that for a wedding.
11 hours of vacation. Yeah. It needs to be a whole wealth auto thing. And if you're taking a small
wedding party, that's kind of the ideal situation for them having something back home.
Infinite. Again. But I think once you've chosen your location, either enlist a planner abroad or
once you found your venue, they often have wedding planners, four couples who are getting married
using as a destination wedding. Yeah. Because they will know local customs, they will know local
suppliers, unless you're paying to bring out suppliers from the UK, you probably want to use
suppliers who are based in that country to be a bit more economical with your budget. They will
have the best knowledge. I mean, I've never planned one abroad. I don't know if I would know it.
I mean, obviously I know where to start with a wedding, but in terms of suppliers and things,
it must be quite a different ballgame. Have you known one abroad? No. I have potentially got one.
I'm 2027 in Ibiza. Nice. So it's lots of research has to go. Yeah. Not that beforehand.
Have you visit the place? Yes. Is it where you kind of want to get married? I think that is crucial.
And include that within your budget as well, because you might have to fly out there a couple of times
and you're tasting like a run-through. Yeah. Those sort of things you don't really want to be doing
over Zoom. No. So if you're on a tight budget, it might not be the most sensible thing to do.
Definitely. And also just thinking about whether that's a guest list, if they're paying,
you need to think, is it somewhere where your guests can afford to come? Will they be able to get
time off? Yeah. They don't need to take more time off. So there's lots of different things to think
about with an abroad wedding, but I just think utilizing the best of the local expertise for a
planner who maybe is based in the UK who specialises in destination or has at least the experience
of planning weddings anywhere. Yes, it is definitely helpful. Yeah. And then with the party back home,
I think the easy thing to do, I would say, to help keep the costs down is just make it a party.
You know, just food, drink, bring your own booze if you need to, just to hire a space,
some good music, good food. You don't need to put on a whole wedding. No. Again. No.
And if you want to wear your dress again, great. Yes. But if you don't, it doesn't need to be anything.
We can't be fancy if you want it to be, but it doesn't have to be. No. Just needs to be a chance
you to celebrate with those people that couldn't come out. Yeah. Just a burger van or even a buffet or
anything, bring your own booze party. They had gone and got married on Lake Clomo. And then they
came back and they had a party. So we had an Italian inspired god party. Wow. Very relaxed. They
had gelato. They had pizzas and they had, you know, a bar that served like aprosperits and things
like that. But we kept it really, really simple. They then had slide shows and the pictures from the
wedding. Lotted around. So then that just meant that people could see the wedding that had actually
happened. But it was quite a nice way to bring the two together. Oh, yeah. I went to one actually.
I was just remembered. And they got married literally two days before and it didn't. And then had
some pictures of the wedding blown up. Yeah. She wore her dress. And yeah, it's really embarrassing to do.
Yeah. But it doesn't have to be too much. Don't think it was a wedding. Just think of it. It's food,
drink, music. The nice thing is going back to this whole drama issue for the question of
you questions. Okay. Takes away from that. Yeah. Because I think it takes a pressure off in the UK.
Oh, the UK party. Yeah. You can take a destination wedding. You could just go in a lobe, you and two others.
Yeah. Which one? Cool drama. Yeah. But I don't know how I'm standing. Your family and friends are.
You've either got to have a teeny tiny wedding abroad where you don't invite anyone. Yeah. Or literally
just immediate family. Immediate family. And then have a big party back home. Or have big enough
wedding abroad that you don't need to do anything back home. And just be really strict with your
guest numbers. Yeah. Sometimes I think we feel like we have to invite all these people that maybe
you don't need to invite. No, no, definitely not. Especially if you're going abroad, you just want to
invite like colleagues like that. Yeah. Brilliant. Right. Oh, this is an interesting one. What do we
think makes the best weddings? Is it the people, the venue, the entertainment, the alcohol?
For me, I think it's, but I'm a big, I like music and food. Yes, music and food. Well, the people
obviously. Grace, when we were getting married, the things that were important to him was bar,
band and the food. They're the big things. You get the people that concentrate on the
the record and the style and things like that. But how many people after the wedding, unless it was
wow, wow. Yeah. But it is, it's those, it's those things that bring people together food,
brings people together drink brings people together. Yeah. Dancing brings people together. They are
the things that, and I think we have really similar clients. Yeah. That is they're not, you know,
you do get the clients that are really style-led and style-focused. Don't get me wrong. The weddings
that we produce are beautiful. Yeah. They're not, that's not what they're about. No, they're all about
the experience. Exactly. And the guest experience, I think you're right. The guest experience is
the most important aspect of the wedding. And it is, it's the people and the fun, yeah, make a wedding.
And I don't think the venue necessarily has too much of an impact,
unless you've got the lol period. So that transition, so maybe the the whole guest experience is what
makes a wedding. So making sure that every point is well thought out and curated. Because if you have
like in a venue where you've got to leave the dining room so that they can turn it round into a
evening venue, you need to have something in that lol period to stop that down before the
outcomes get. Because it's really hard to bring people cut from that moment. Well, yeah, I think
the right, the most important thing is thinking about what your guests be doing and where they'll be.
Yeah. And another question we have is, why does everything involving a wedding need to have an
extra thousand pound on the bill? This is a really, I think, is quite a controversial topic because
the wedding tax, yeah, as it is called, is, I don't think it is something, but there is an added
pressure with a wedding day. Yeah. But it doesn't come from hosting many other events. Latering,
I don't think they put a wedding tax on. The hard thing is is when you compare it to a party
or any other event, they don't start two o'clock in the afternoon and go on two o'clock in the
morning. It's the time that is within that day. It's not necessary. So everyone has to be there
earlier in the morning. So you kind of, you know, you've got your supplies arriving from eight
o'clock in the morning whenever they can get in to be ready and set it up in the day before
four one o'clock exactly. Yeah. I think that has quite a lot to do with it. I think it's to do with
the time that people put in, it makes it feel like there's a wedding tax, but there isn't
a wedding set. People are getting married tend to need a little bit more touch points throughout
the whole set. They might have more questions, they want to have more meetings, more reassurance,
quite often with party clients that go, right, I just want to party. Well, this for the band,
but I mean, how long did you take to plan your party for five hundred guests less than four months?
Right. Could you do that with a wedding necessarily? No. No. No. Yeah. You need, you need,
the small elements to it as well with the whole ceremony, like you don't have that at a party,
there's things to think about, but I think even from like a florist, a florist creating something for
party, there's kind of it's probably a bit more flexible. But also there's not the both case of
the budget, yeah, it's like, there are many powers, the logistics of moving that. Yeah. I don't,
it's not really a wedding tax, it's just there is more to it. Yeah. And I think if people didn't want
to pay that wedding tax, then they'd have to get a wedding and don't get, you'd get the party
service that you wouldn't be able to contact that. I know one of the biggest things is makeup and
people go, oh, like bridal makeups more expensive than this and that. But for example, like,
why bride would cost more than a bride's made is because the makeup artist or hair stylist would
take longer on the bride. Yeah. They would have a trial. Yeah. They have the trial is often
included in the price. There's more pressure. They want to make sure that that bride is perfect.
They've got to allow for time to do touchups. So as the bride's made, they don't necessarily get
level of service. So that's why that would differ as well. Yeah. I think that is the only point where
you actually notice a substantial difference. I was going to say that actually I charge more for
weddings, but the amount of hours I put in. I was thinking that from a full clamp especially. Yeah.
I have a higher minimum fee for weddings and I charge a slightly higher percentage. Like, with
a party, I'm not doing a ceremony. No. I have nothing involved for church, the logistics of having
to drive there on the day to go to church and have tools to think about. And everything is,
you get much quicker responses. Yeah. You send a party client, you send them two options for
caterers and they go, yeah, like that one. I mean, sometimes you only send them one. Yeah.
Because they're just like, yeah, that's great. That's bang on budget. If you are not as involved,
that if you just want party, do an evening. Why do I like that? Yeah. Which are less expensive,
because there's less involvement. Definitely. Which is more involved with
it wedding and more pressure. Yes. There's more more hours involved before the wedding. Yeah.
There is with any other event. And same person's actually asked about is having good entertainment,
a great idea for guests, or can they be a waste of time as people are drinking and mingling. For
example, I love a magician, but can't be bothered to pay for one. Always a person. I think we've
answered that with the. Yeah. I think if you've got the budget, if not, people just want to be
there to celebrate. Exactly. And are you going to enjoy the magician? You as the couple
guessing married, aren't going to take the time to really enjoy the magician. Why are you putting
it on for your guests? That your guests are capable of talking to each other and entertaining themselves.
When you're right to drink, they'll be happy. Exactly. In a sociable mood. If they're starving,
cold and thirsty, then they're probably not going to mingle. If they're, if the drink and food,
flowing, a little bit of atmosphere. The entertainment works really well is if you need to break the
ice. Yes. So if you have two sides that literally don't really know each other and don't interact
or my brother, ask them speak French, ask them speak English. That's a moment where you need something
to kind of pull people together in a way that they won't have thought of. Definitely. That doesn't
need to cost anything. No, exactly. And I think with the right atmosphere, the guests will have
a brilliant time anyway. This one, what do couples most often underestimate when planning a wedding?
Their entire budget? Yeah. I was just about to say how much things cost. And it's hard because no one,
most people haven't planned a wedding before. No, but it's the way that, and it happens time and time
again, the way that people go into planning their wedding is they book one thing, they book the
next thing, they book the next thing and then oh god, they've got no budget left. Yeah. Or they've
gone over budget. Set a budget to begin with and break it down and know what you have to spend on
each element. Yes. We've done an episode right back February 25 was about how to, I think,
February or March 25, how to break down your wedding budget. And that's just the best place to start.
Yeah. Because then you are fully aware of what you've got to spend. And you can tweak it. Yeah.
If you end up spending slightly less on your photographer, you go and watch that band
about £500 more. Right, we'll pay that. We can either add another £500 to the budget or
scrape £50 up here or there. So I think that is definitely how much things cost is one of the
biggest things that couples underestimate. Again, where is money best spent for maximum impact
and where can we save without it showing? I personally think that money is best spent on the
experience, the food, drink, drink and the music. Yeah. As I said, like the decor is,
by the buy. Yeah. I think if people are well-fed, entertained with some good music,
then why don't I'm happy if I'm fed up? Yeah. And now I agree with you. And the other thing is,
I think obviously in a market it's slightly different because it's a big white blank canvas,
but in a venue, a venue normally has some atmosphere itself. When you go for a big dinner or something,
their core is usually minimal. I think it's the guest experience is where the money is best spent,
feeding your guests well, even if it's, you know, you want to do it as food trucks and things like that.
That's enough food. But 60 per cent of your 60 to 70 per cent depending should be on your food and
drink and venue. Yeah, definitely. It's a huge proportion. Yeah. And then where can you save without
it showing? Bridal party hair and makeup. Yes. Yeah. Cut down on your bridal party. Yeah.
Bridal party. Your guest numbers? Yes. Yes. Numbers is one easy way to save budget. I think also
where you can not where it wouldn't show, but you can be a bit cleverer with your use of flowers
with everything. Yeah. And similarly with your decor, if it's like a statement piece, move it,
or have a statement piece. Yeah. And then you can DIY a lot of tablescapes and stuff like that. I do
think if you're really tight on budget, that you guess the best time? 100 per cent. That is the
first place because that is a £250 per cent cost on average. Yeah. It's an easy way. And then you've
got more budget to spend and make their experience. Yes. Much more fulfilling. Yeah.
Brilliant. Well, thank you so much, everyone, for sending in your question. I think we should do
another one of these in a few months time. Definitely. Yeah. If you've got any more questions,
do pop some over on Instagram or send us a message on either Natasha Spencer events or the country
blush on Instagram, if you need to. We're also really keen to start understanding how many listeners
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We look forward to speaking to you next week. Have a good one. Bye!