I am a three time convicted felon. I've spent years behind bars for the crimes that I committed as a drug addict with an Ivy League education. We have a real dearth of mentorship within the black community, black male community. We have a problem with black men not being there. I was in prison with them. I know we weren't there. I can do life. I'm not afraid of life. And most importantly, I'm not afraid of me. I'm not in a biblical or an adversarial relationship with self. I'm not.

Hello listeners, and welcome back to Social Skills Coaching, where you become more confident, more charismatic, and more productive. We're excited again to introduce a guest with us today. We have Ken Miller, author, speaker, entrepreneur, businessman, a long list of, characteristics and, adjectives that we could put in there. But Ken, as is the case, usually I'm gonna ask you just to introduce yourself, present to us what we would like to know, what you would like us to know about you, and we'll take the conversation from there.

Sure. I appreciate that. Thank you for the opportunity to be on your podcast. Let's start off with this. I'm 62 years old. I'm a black male. I live in Bellingham, Washington. I have a somewhat unique story as an entrepreneur and as a business owner, but it's nothing that is so unique that probably will not resonate with many of the people that are on this call. So lemme give you a quick overview of who I am and maybe what makes my story unique. Again, I'm 62 years old, born in 1962 in New York. My mother was a white teenage runaway. My dad was a black. Male, of course. pimp and drug dealer in New York City. I was put up for adoption at birth age, at birth. And for the next six years I went through foster homes. So I'm what they would call a foster child. I was adopted at age six by Irene and Sam Miller. I moved from New York to Alaska. That's where I grew up. A lot of people know me as kin from Alaska, and I was precocious. What I mean by that, I was academically inclined. And by the time I was 17, I was a National Merit scholar. I was accepted

Wow.

I went to Dartmouth College. While in Dartmouth, I, unfortunately, I had a major, I majored in drinking, is what I did in fraternity and probably, minored in drinking and majored in fraternity. And I got out with my degree. And went into the corporate world in 1984. Within two years, you could pretty much say I was homeless on the streets, as a drug addict and alcoholic, I was to spend the next 20 years, 20, 21 years homeless and on the streets. I am a three time convicted felon. I've spent years behind bars for the crimes that I committed as a drug addict with an Ivy League education. I got out in 2007 for my last, stint in the penitentiary. Did three years on my last bit had no skills, none whatsoever. But within two to three years, I was working in the field of development, which is fundraising for nonprofits. And in 2014 started my first company. And today I'm a very successful businessman, entrepreneur. I speak all over the country. I write books. I'm a landowner. I have property in South America, I am also a husband, a grandfather, and a mentor to predominantly men of color throughout this country. That's just a real quick overview. There was a lot that happened in between.

What do they say on your, not yours? your, in the general sense on your tombstone, you have a, for you and I, it would be 1962, born in the same year, and then hopefully 21 something for both of us. Maybe it'll be a little while before that last number is filled in, but that dash represents a lot of stuff going on in between the first year and the last year. you mentioned on a personal side here, you mentioned before we started recording that you just flew in from Ecuador, and then you said you're a landowner in South America, so that's interesting to me. How does that come about? What does that entail? Is that just personal or is that a business, venture.

Business, it's, you can save it's business 'cause we rent it out. So I originally, about four years ago, went down there, bought a condo, and then, about three years ago, my wife and I bought some raw land on the beach and we built a six bedroom home. with swimming pool on the beach there in Ecuador. So we just went back there and stayed in our place. But we have a, b and B down there. There's a company called Rent and Manta, so we work with them and, they take care of it, but, we rent it out and it's beautiful. it's gorgeous. The, the property itself. And then we also have the condo down there and we rent that out.

Wow.

America, it's Ecuador.

what is, here's a naive question. Maybe. I've been to Mexico briefly a long time ago. What is Ecuador like? I think we have concepts of other countries. as a mayor, I speak. Maybe broadly as an American we don't know much sometimes, America's so large. we go from state to state and that's, that can be culture change. Is Ecuador similar? Is it vastly different maybe from the states or from other South American countries that we might think we know something about? Or is life there basically the same as it is here?

Life is basically the same everywhere in the world.

Thank you.

their families. People are trying to, get ahead those that choose to do that. the truth is that the human condition entails, assuming roles and or, behavior that hopefully will be, positive for whatever your dream or aspiration is. we call it a third world. It's on the equator. they use American money, which is unusual, but I think it's one of four countries in the world that use American money. obviously it's Spanish speaking, beautiful people. It's a beautiful country. But it has its problems like every country know of, and it's going through some growing pains as we speak, but there's great opportunity. I tell people Ecuador is Costa Rica 40 years ago when it comes to, buying property and or building there. They have a large expat community, Canadians, Germans, Americans, and again, most of the time, right? many of us are on the coast, but there's also, there's quite a few people in keto and those are two of the other main large cities. We're right south of Manta and a small town called Santa Marta. So it's a beautiful country. we were just there for eight days, wasn't long enough.

Nice.

very economical the food's great.

Very interesting. Thanks for sharing that. That's just really out of, personal curiosity. one of the things you mentioned was your book. Let's, let's go into that a little bit. Tell us about your book, who it's written for, what it covers, what we can learn from it and so forth, if you would.

Who is written for? The number one person it was written for was me, me.

okay. Yeah. No, I understand that.

do you say that? The reason I

I.

is I had made a commitment to myself five or six years ago to write a book, and it took me three years to write this book for different reasons, but it took three years to get it published. I'm gonna publish hopefully three more books this year, and it'll take me, four or five months to publish those books. I had made commitments to people. I have a big thing about integrity. And I had said verbally that I would write a book because people kept saying, you need to write a book. You need to write a book, you need to write a book. And I was like, ah, okay. I'm gonna write a book. And so that was probably the number one. The number two is it's a message to individuals I hate to bifurcate or make things, male or female, but it's in a lot of ways it's really to men. Because I had a lot of situations as a man that, I needed to deal with and I talk about those in the books. There was some shame-based behavior. There was some things I had to overcome. There was, concepts of resilience, concepts of respect, concepts of dealing with shame and anger and depression, drug addiction, things that I needed to overcome and things that I needed to be able to do to put into my business. successful as a businessman, which I am today. So it's, it's a book that I'm so glad I wrote. and I think it has resonated. I've talked to, more than a few people who have read it and have enjoyed the book, I just look forward and I just think it's a, I think it's a value added to the community at large. And I'm not saying it's a game changer, but it's a value added because one thing, and you will, you'll see this Russell, I am very honest, I am very transparent. I have no secrets. I have no secrets. There's things I will not share about my family, but about me. I'll share about anything that's happened to me because I had to take away the power of the negative secret. And that's a big part of the book is taking away the power of the negative secret.

That's an interesting phrase. I'm gonna, I'm jotting that down

sure.

but would you go into, I think I know, I certainly know, personally what that means, in my own instance, but define, tell us about that. how does that affect your daily life? What is, how do you incorporate that? what lessons have you learned through that pro? That's just a great phrase. Power of a negative secret.

so let's talk about the negative secret, because I don't probably incorporate it every day in my life because I don't have to talk about things that at one time were a negative secret. So a negative secret is something that you hide. From others or from the external world. Sometimes you hide it from the internal in your head. You don't go in, I, this is the description I give. consists, or memory consists of a long hallway. And on this long hallway there are doors. And those doors said eight years old. 13 years old. My uncle, whatever it may be. And it's labeled on that door. don't want to go into that door. don't want to bring up those memories. You don't want to go in there and turn the lights on and see what's in that room. Okay. so that's an internal, so we, sometimes we use the word repression, but we sublimate that memory coming up into the consciousness. Okay, cool. Then there's the negative secret that's deals with the external world and what they're usually the self-talk around, and I'm really big on self-talk, is that if they knew this truth or this fact or this experience, or my interpretation of this experience, they would not like me. They would not engage with me. They would treat me in a specific or certain way, and therefore I cannot allow this external world to know about this truth. 'cause that's what it is. It's a secret, but it's a truth. At least that's what you interpreted as a truth. This happened to me, or I did this. And if you knew this, you would not, in with me or integrate with me or connect with me. Therefore, it would cause repercussions either emotionally and sometimes physically to me.

So the a negative secret, it could be truth. it, you mentioned my, an internal, interpretation of something. but how does that, why is it important, to address that? Does it affect relationships? Does it affect, just my personal, self-concept? or is it all all encompassing?

it affect, number one. It affects your self-esteem because you're always running around in fear. Fear of them

Okay.

out, fear of it slipping out, fear of another external party telling. This group that Ken did this, I did that. Okay. It is fear of bringing it up into my consciousness, and therefore I need to deal with that negative feeling. So what I talk a lot about is shame based versus

interesting you,

behavior.

yeah. I wrote, that's one of the phrases I wanted to come back to because you, you mentioned it, but at that caught my ear. Tell us, yeah, please continue. Sorry for the interruption.

the real quick and dirty version is guilt said I did. says I am okay. One says that I did something less than the other. One says, I am less than. Okay. And when you become shame based is much more powerful than guilt based. I am guilty. I pled guilty every time I went in front of the court. Every time I had three felonies. I pled guilty. I was guilty. I knew I did it. I'm not gonna fight it. get me to prison. Let's move on. Okay. Shame says, I am less than because I engaged or did this behavior. we have the Scarlet letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne, that had to do with adultery, which was shame based. by that society. had shame-based behavior because, to be frank with you, I was a male sex worker on the streets. That's how I paid for my crack on many occasions, and I didn't want anybody to find that out because it would've affected me on the streets. It would've affected me in prison. And then I thought people would not like me. I'm talking about the external, we call it the civilian world would not like me or engage with me if they knew I had engaged in this behavior. at all. And when I started speaking about it originally, I spoke to one person, then I did small group, and then I'd speak on the stages about shame-based behavior and the things that I did that made me feel less than,

Guilt and remorse are things that we feel based on our behaviors, our actions, even our thought processes. But guilt and remorse are not shame. It's two diff, two different things, and. yeah. What I did is not what I am, that's a concept that comes across in the podcast. Frequently. is age an issue? either positive or negative when developing a mentoring or a, even a friendship. And is there a benefit for younger people? So let's say college, early career age people, to seek advice from the boomers and those older than them.

100%. There's, there is, benefit, tremendous benefit. I am the biggest advocate of mentoring. That you'll probably ever have. I've been mentoring for over 15 years, and explicit. I teach classes on mentoring. I'm writing a book on mentoring communities of color. That's my third book that's coming out this year. Fourth book, excuse me. So I know a lot about it. I've been doing it. I understand it. And is important most of the time for the mentor be older than the mentee. Most of the time doesn't, it is very few where it just has to be one way or

Of course,

or But let's, I don't deal with exceptions. I don't. That's noise. To me. What is the signal? And the signal is as an individual, and this is the key part, it's not age, it's maturity. But usually that comes with age or can come with age. Sure. We understand this.

Yes.

about maturity and we're talking about discernment. The ability to discern comes literally after maturity, that's even a higher level is discernment. Okay. what is maturity? I always talk, and I work with a lot of men and I, when I speak with them, I talk about antithesis and what we mean very what are opposites. It's so much easier to define immaturity than there is to define maturity. And I, when my men have difficulty with this term, I say, how does a 4-year-old think and way a 4-year-old thinks is, it's always about me. 'cause that's my world and my horizon is very short. A 4-year-old is not thinking about what he's gonna do. when he's 12, he's not thinking about, what type of job he's gonna get when he's 30. He's

There's no five year plan there, right?

five year plan. Yeah. The, their time horizon. And as you get mature, two things happen and there's more, but let's just talk about the two. One is, you begin to make decisions based on how they impact others. And then number two, you extend your time horizon. I will make decisions. I will delay gratification. I will accept discomfort short-term for the goal. Which is to provide dot or be at a certain level at this age or whatever it may be. The, the aspiration may be, or the goal or the dream. I talk a lot about dreams. So anyway, that is one of the reasons why usually the mentor, but I hate to tell you Russell, most people don't know how to mentor. I'll just be frank on that because I'm gonna be frank, that's just who I am and people can agree, disagree, whatever, but be frank, where most people don't know how to mentor, they don't understand what mentoring is, and they also get it mixed up with coaching all the time.

can you keep going? That my, my follow up question would be along those lines, tell us, coaching, mentoring, if, how would an individual listening today find a min? How would they know that they're getting what they need? if it's someone of, of a higher level of maturity, how should they, A lot of questions there. How would someone go about being a mentor and knowing that they're, doing it? that's probably two or three episodes in itself. But again, delve into that a little bit more for us,

So let's start with this. let me give you an example of how do I mentor. I've been mentoring for

please.

I've

Great.

over 60 men, 95 or seven black men of color, and of choice. I don't mentor women, that's number one. and that's difficult for women. I want women who are on this. It's difficult many times to find a mentor within the same sex. If you are aspiring to a position and or stature within a community, a work community. Because a lot of times there aren't the women haven't reached that level that, I wanna be the CEO or I wanna be the CDO, whatever it may be, CFO of a larger corporation. I'm looking for a mentor to help me on that journey. Okay. Having said that, number one thing as a mentor is I have a responsibility. First of all, mentoring 100% is free. Period. No. If, ands, or buts about that coaching is a paid, or you could quote unquote coach someone for free, but coaching usually has remuneration involved with it. Just pay involved. Okay. I coach and I've mentored. the number one thing I do as a mentor is this, I engender dreams. Lemme say that again. I engender dreams. The first thing that I say to the individual is that number one. Because they almost always come to me or a family member say, Hey, will you mentor my nephew, whatever it may be. sit down with them, I say, Hey, check this out. I am the mentor. You are the mentee. Let's understand that. Are you comfortable with that? I take lead in this. I'm the mentor. I've been there, I've done that. And if I don't, I probably know who has. I can get that information. Okay. I say that number one. two, I look them dead in the eyes or I look them in the eyes and I say, very simply, my goal is to engender your dreams. What are your dreams? And I shut up. And I shut up. That's real important. And I've had guys sit there for five minutes because someone has taken away their ability to dream. They said, you can't dream, you can't do that. You can't have that. You'll never be that. Could be family, could be principal, could be a teacher, could be, most of the time, many times it's their, colleagues and or friends. Sometimes it's your mate, or your partner. But it is taken away your ability to dream. So I, I put that on the table and I've always been able to, and then I say to them, there's three things that I will predominantly do. Number one, going to provide information and I start every man that I work with, and people can do this differently, but I start every man, I work with two books, period. They have to read these two books and many of 'em are not readers, but we work through it side. And the two books are the Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Brandon, and the Speed of trust by Stephen. Every, and then I will put in front of them other books or podcasts or talks, other information as I get to know them better and get more drilled in, in their aspiration and dream. That's number one. Number two, so I'm gonna put information, external information into you. Number two, I'm going to introduce you to people. Okay? 'cause I know a lot of people. A of people, so I'm gonna introduce you to people. Number three, I'm going to support you on your journey. And many times means you need to go to a conference. is it? What do you want? I'll take care of either the airfare. This is what I do, right? Every mentor does this. I've spent thousands a year guys doing things that will, enhance their ability to be successful. And number four, which is probably the most important. I support men emotionally. Every man, every guy I mentor, I've told him, I love you. you, bro. I love you, man. And I look him dead eye. There's two black men, sometimes we've come from some tough backgrounds and so a lot of times when I tell 'em this in the first meeting or first one or two meeting, I say, Hey, it may take time for the trust to build some people quick. And they default to trust. That's a term I use. That's what I do. And some don't. And that's fine. And Matter have taken years to get to a point where they're comfortable with it saying, Hey, I love you. you know that, right? Yeah. And then, and they tell me back. but I support it emotionally because we deal with what I call the vicissitudes of life. That's common now, that's common. will have ups and downs. People will pass away, relationships will be broken, financial problems will happen. Family issues will happen, health issues will happen. Let's talk about it. talk about it. a lot of times they come in, they say, oh, can you help me with my business? help me with my career. That's what they come in. And been mentoring. In fact, I meet with one of my oldest mentee today, 15 years. It's open-ended too. I tell 'em that it's open-ended. We meet quarterly, but you could always contact me in between. I got one who's going to be contacting me back in the office now, today I was on vacation. I said, Hey, can't, deal with it right now, but gimme a ring when I get back on Tuesday and let's talk, let's deal with this. So that's mentoring. There's more, that I've done. But this is the beautiful thing, and I share this with you. say, why do you do this? Yeah, I'll just put it, I'm a millionaire. Okay? I'm a millionaire. I built my companies. I've built myself. I'm a millionaire. My time is valuable. And even this, I don't obviously get paid to be on this podcast, but it gives me an opportunity to share that hopefully will affect people. I'm so grateful of my journey, but the key thing is, what I wanna come back to is that I give of my time because I sometimes believe that's, we call my calling and I'm not going into, Judi Christian, talk here 'cause I'm not. But what I'm talking about is I have a spiritual presence in my life that allows me to give back, and I don't want anything in return. What I want is this, I've sat down with two men that I've worked with for years and to watch a grown black man cry. A dream came true, took five years, took seven years, but something they didn't know they had inside of. And I always say, and they're like, thank you. I couldn't have done it without, it's not whether you could have done it without me. We did it together, but you did it, this is about you. And that dream coming true, this is about you. And I just honor it and I just, wish you continue. what's our new dream?

Do you approach it in the beginning as, I'm your friend, I'm gonna help you through this, or is it more of a, instructional thing and I'm assuming by the end of the time, after you spent sessions with people, you become much more, you become more close, you become more friendlier, more friendly. But in the beginning, what's it like? is it more of a professional relationship or is it more of a personal.

Personal

Is it really? Okay. Okay.

job. And I'll say that because I, one of the things I always say to 'em. First of all, I want to thank you and honor your ability to reach out and just, 'cause a lot of times I'll have the first meeting to see, do you want to be mentored? What are you looking for? Are you looking for coaching on a specific, how to write a donor letter, 'cause my background's fundraising. I'm an expert in fundraising. Okay. If that's what you're looking at, I can tell you that in, half hour, you can come to one of my webinars or I'll give you, allowance to be in one of my webinars for free. Why one of my workshops I don't give. That's fine. But, or do you want to grow as a man? 'cause that's what it really comes down to. you wanna grow as a man? Do you wanna be mentored? gotta understand something here. Ruan. I just wanna make sure I have mentors. have three. I have three. I had four. One passed away. I have mentors. I have four generations of black men mentoring. That was my whole, that's really one of the reasons why I wrote the book. One of the reasons why I spoke is I want more men work with other men. We have a real dearth of mentorship within the black community, black male community. We have a problem with black men not being there. I was in prison with them. I know we weren't there. had, a stepson. I wasn't a father too, because I'm a drug addict and I'm in penitentiary, so I know what it's like to not have that father figure or a good black male role model. use the term black. It could be communities of color, it can be just men. We're all children of God. I truly believe that we're all a part of the community of the world. But I have a specific community 'cause I know the need is so great in that community. And so my goal is to speak in front of thousands, to hopefully inspire them to bring in the spirit they will be motivated to work with others or especially to learn how to work with others. That's one of the reasons why I'm writing the book, again, there needs to be a guidebook and maybe another one out there. I haven't done that kind of research and won't I just know what has worked for me. How do you know it's worked? because I've seen the growth and I see the responses from those who have engaged in the relationship with me to grow and to mature. Okay. And believe me, I course correct too, Russell. Course correct, which means there are times I've sat with men and I said, I'm not co-signing on that. I'm not co-signing on that behavior. is not the right thing to do. And I'll explain why. And we'll go through, if you're having an extramarital affair, let's talk about it. Let's talk about the why. Let's talk about, and nothing is off the, I have no secrets, so nothing is off. And they know my story. Oh, my guys normal.

And you expect that back from them? the no secrets, the transparency, the honesty? No.

no, not in the beginning.

Okay.

And, but I tell 'em that, I just tell 'em two things. All I ask is two things. to show up. And that's a tough one. Many times, okay? To show up and show up on time. two, to be as honest as you can. That's all I ask for. Okay. And. times we don't really have the habit of being as forthcoming as possible. Or, and I'm, I'll be frank, in the communities of color, we have a problem with being late. I'm gonna put that out there. I have a men's I black men's book study national that I run. Okay. Started it. It's called the Six Pillars, black men's book study. And, we have individuals who are part of the book study doesn't cost anything. And I can't tell you how many times individuals have told me they'll be there, they no show or they come in late, happens all the time, and I don't have the answer for it. some of it's, community and I, there, there's some theories I have because that's not who I am. But I teach this. punctuality, I teach about, and one of the most important things I teach is integrity. Is there an alignment or what we call congruence between what you say and what you do?

Wow, that's strong.

Yeah, it is strong.

Yeah.

It is strong. 'cause if you got it, because it comes back to that, the book, speed of trust, what is Trust Russell? this is how I work with my guys and I know I'm not here, I'm not mentoring you, but what is trust? I do a lot with definitions. What is trust?

Are you asking? You're not asking rhetorically, are you?

just real quick. What's, what is trust?

I dunno if I can define it and I could maybe an example if I trusted you, I would believe that you're working, for, if we're working together, you're working with my best interest in mind, like almost like a fiduciary, arrangement where I can believe what you're telling me because it is not couched behind some secret or some ulterior motive that I'm not aware of or might not be to my benefit.

Okay, let's take away motives. Let's talk, take away ulterior benefits, things of that nature. Let's keep it real simple. Trust is a belief and a perceived future action. Lemme say that again. Trust

it.

a belief and a perceived future action. If I come to you, say, Hey, I'm gonna go to the store and grab you a soda, I believe that your future action is that you are going to go to the store and buy me a soda. I trust you. When we do our marriage vows, one of the part of the marriage vows is that I will not engage in physical or sexual in endeavors with another person outside the marriage. Trust. So I believe anything with my wife, there is a belief and a perceived future action that the only person that I will engage with in physical is my wife. Okay, cool. That's trust. And so can, if you verbalize something and then on the back end, don't do it. That lays my trust because I had a perceived future action that you were gonna show up for the podcast on time you had one. Okay? And when that doesn't happen, it gives me credence that is not integrity and or now there's reasons things happen. I'm so amenable to that, understandable that and a lot of times. I just ask people, to let me know. If you can't me, just let me know. I got a, if you saw my calendar, I have a VA that handles my calendar, but if you saw my calendar, you'd understand, that again, my time is valuable, I trust that you are, and I default to trust. That's another term. It's called default to trust. I do, by nature, I've chosen not even by nature, by experience and by belief in that, good the end will happen as a default to trust.

there's almost too much for me to get my, I wanna jot down default to trust is, and what would, you said earlier, speed to trust was that

Yeah, the speed of trust.

of trust. Can you expand? Can you, what do you mean by that?

first of all, you had undefined. Again, we've defined somewhat what is trust, a belief, and a perceived future action. Okay? How quickly you engender trust with

Oh, okay.

Because when, the CEO or the boss trusts you, have a perception that you will do these actions, that are going to be positive for the company. Therefore, they will give you more responsibility. Therefore, you, they will give you, this is just in the corporate world, how quickly can you build trust with your partner or, whatever your partner, how quickly can you build that? And then what can you do when and if you do something that takes away their belief in or their trust in you?

Okay.

And,

Yeah.

make amends. We can, make apologies, which are different. can,

Right.

engage. But specifically I tell people those are verbal Okay. Especially the apologies. So you need to do a series of, actions are, that show that you can trust me and how we, how do we do that?

Which is directly tied into integrity. Without integrity, can there be trust

Without integrity. Can there be trust? it'd be difficult. And

May

is the difficulty is that people have what they call situational ethics.

right.

So with certain people there's a tremendous amount of trust with other people, other situations. Which means it is because we have situational ethics. I'm very ethical with my mother, let's say, but with, partner, that played basketball with, or may not show up on time. Okay. But if my mom calls me, I'll be there in five

You can.

Okay. Situational ethic. And what we want to do is at some point when we have this true integrity, is that there's no situational ethics. There is just ethics and there is a sense that, I adhere to what I say or what I tell people that I'm going to do. what, by whatever external means, whether it's written or verbal.

Thank you. Yeah. You've given us, I think, a little insight into what your, what you cover in some of your speeches and your talks. I'm interested in maybe lightening things up a little bit as well. Tell us about the lecture circuit. What's it like? how do people book you, how can people find where you're gonna be speaking? just is it like, it's not the rockstar life, I don't assume, but it's, it has to be gratifying. just what is that as a lecture circuit speaker?

So first of all, to understand it's a world in itself. love to use the term community, so I belong to different communities. Okay. And within those communities, I have a certain stature, okay? That goes back to respect, which we may or may not talk about, the speaking community is very large. There are individuals at the top of the pyramid, and there's individuals that are, at the base of the pyramid. And so let's say this, there's approximately 8,000 conferences, associations, and groups that you could speak at and to speak, ah, man, this's a lot too. I could talk about this for next day. We'll just say this, they're what you think, which are what we call keynotes or plenaries. are the individuals that come on stage and speak to the whole group usually, or the great majority. And then there were, are called breakout sessions.

Okay.

I do a lot of breakouts, I do

Okay.

keynotes. But your large speakers, the big ones, the most well known, your Les Browns and your Zig Ziglars and Tommy Hopkins, whoever they do, the keynotes. Michelle Obama, Hillary Rodman, Clinton, they're all, do you know the keynotes and they can get paid, half a per keynote. I'm nowhere near that,

Not yet.

right? Not yet. And they probably don't want to be. I

Interesting.

that. No, aspire for that.

I.

But what I do is, what it consists of is responding to RFPs to speak, or they reach out to you, or you have an agent. I don't have an agent or belong to an agency. I probably never will. and they will look at your, your request, to speak as, requests for proposal. They'll look at your proposal, they'll look at the other ones, and they'll make a decision. or not they want to bring you on. So usually you have what is called a keynote. So mine is resilience in the face of the known and the unknown because they are different. So I speak on that's my keynote. And then I have a bunch of breakouts that I can do on trust on, fundraising, skills. I do self-esteem, one on coaching, things of that nature. So those are breakouts. And so what you do is you're doing, there's only two ways to do 'em in person or online, or it hybrid, but it's, let's call that online. And I go around the country when I so choose or when I'm asked to speak I fly in, I do my talk and I fly out. but I'm a real, I'm a little different. I'm not a little different. I'm somewhat different than I'm very much into the people. So a lot of times I spend most of my time after I talk meeting people and just talking with them one-on-one, talking with them one-on-one. Where you at? Male or female? but I won't mentor you if a female, but I'll speak with you the talk. 'cause people will come up and want to talk about, shame. They want to talk about, bouncing back from a death. They'll want to talk about what, whatever some of the things that I may have spoken about in my conversation. Because what they, on, again, the client, I can be more honest, depending, depending on the audience. What I mean, I can be more forthcoming there's certain things I cannot talk about, depending on the client, and I won't, I respect that. I'm not here to shock people. But there's some where I talk where it's. It's down and dirty when I go into prisons. Yeah. Or I go into youth prisons and I'll speak, or I'm talking with a group of ex addicts. we gonna keep it real and I'm gonna go down just like that. Like my voice will change. We gonna keep it real. Let's chop it up. This is what happened. And then I can talk to them because that'll resonate with them. I talk to the audience. It's always about the audience. And that is, 'cause I'm talking to the show host or the in individual event coordinator, what do you want? Because that's what I'm here, you're paying me. What do you want? It's not about my, that's my self-esteem or patting myself in the back. I made a great talk and shocked a bunch of people. That's not what I'm about. I'm about how can I be a value added to your audience.

What are some of the people that you've associated with? Do you mentioned several names. Have you worked with, or been in presentations where Zig Ziglar, I don't know. Is he still touring? were some of those.

I was even a lot, I

I don't know.

in the eighties,

Yeah.

we had these and it wasn't even speakers. They were famous business I grew up in the Tommy Hopkins, Zig Ziglar, who's the one that walks on the hot rocks. he's still doing his,

yeah. I don't remember the name, but I remember the concept. Yeah. I.

yeah. And it will come to me, of course, once, once we get off the podcast. I personally haven't, I am writing a book, which is going to be phenomenal, and I'm just claiming it. Because I expect excellence from me and I produce excellence. True. But I'm writing a book with a gentleman named Dr. Will Morland, is one of the top 10 inspirational speakers in the world. And we're writing a book on respect, the topic of respect, because it's one of the most important topics in communities of color. I've known more people to get hurt over that word. People think it's over drugs, money or sex. It's over respect. That's just a manifestation of your disrespect to me. And therefore, I have

Wow.

a talk. I have some self-talk and I have a script I have to play out if you disrespect me. And that can also go into the corporate boardroom. It can go into in relations, marriages, where the wife disrespects or the man disrespects, the, the wife, whatever it may be and causes. So we're writing a whole book on that. Anyway, that's Dr. Will Morland. That, I'll be writing that book with, I've met a lot of the, especially in the community, so again, I'm sometimes very specific to the black community. I know some of the larger, speakers, more famous because I belong to a group called National Speakers Association, just came back from their conference. We have 2000, 3000 people at the conference. We're all speakers. We're all speakers, and we're learning how to be better speakers or many times to be inspired be, to stay in the field. It's not an easy field for many people. I don't need the money. So I'm real fortunate, people are in their, as their

To make a living.

make a living. I don't, that's not how I make my living and that's not why I'm in the field. But I still respect it tremendously. field and those individuals, standing on the shoulders of giants and there are giants within, our field. they are very good. There's a skillset to speaking, but the

Sure.

is, there's two aspects I always talk about in the speaking world and the two aspects is the business of speaking and then the art of, and science of speaking stage craft, we'll call it. But a lot of people are great speakers, but they are poor business people.

That opens up a lot of possibility too. we're coming in on an hour and I want have to be careful of our time. So if you have anything you want to a way to contact you, information where they can hear you, where they can find you, where they can contact you about, being a mentor. if you'll give us a little rundown there on those two things, however that comes to your mind, skip, whatever you don't want to answer in there and move on to something else is fine. and then give us a word of advice that you might want to leave our, in our listeners' ear. And, we'll close it out after that.

Okay, so I'm a very ordered person. Very ordered. I'm looking around my desk right now. I have two computer screens. I got my sure microphone, I have my ring light for the podcast, all I have is one pen in my office, one pen. I have one docket, eight and a half by 11 pad. Every day I come in, I make my list. I date it, what day it is. I give myself a word of inspiration. Mine today is focus because I'm just back in from vacation. I put my start time and I make my list. start my day that way. I run five businesses, five I have assistants. Okay? I the VAs. fact, one of my companies is offshore virtual assistants that are trained in ai. I am big into ai. That's a whole nother podcast. And I've done those.

Right.

I work out four days a week. I used to be a lifter, but those days are gone. have to do something in penitentiary. I, how do I put this? I don't pray a lot. Let me put that preface to that. But I have the ability to go into prayer quickly. I have a whole talk I do on what I call gap control. And I just wanna go into that just real quick to understand why when I come to the prayer. gap control is one of the most important skills, especially for men. You say, why does it have to be for men? Because we are violent by nature. We are violent by nature. All over the history of this world as humans, males are violent. Okay? I'm not gonna go into why the evolutionary biology, but we are. having said that, and remember I talk a lot about respect and disrespect. have input that comes in through our senses most of the time we hear it, it can be a touch or somebody stepped on our toe in the club or the disco, and we have a reaction instead of an action. 'cause you've disrespected me. Let's go back to respect. Respect is acknowledgement of a person's position or stature within a community. Acknowledgement of a person's position or stature within the community. Community of the family, community of the corporation, community of the streets, community of the, penitentiary. But there's a community and I have a position within that community, if you do not acknowledge it, we have repercussions. we are in a disrespect Understand disrespect, and we're taught this, especially as black men from early age. Don't ever let anybody disrespect you. So the input comes in. Can you a gap so that it is not a reaction, but. It comes an action. And so what I've learned to do, 'cause I did not have this and I talked to a lot of men who work on this, is now, instead of reacting, I act, I get the input and I go into the cognitive part because I don't want to go back into the lia and go into, some of the more primitive parts of the brain and use emotion to make a decision. Do not use emotion predominantly to make decisions. Okay? It can be great to inspire. I'm not gonna go there, but. So anyway, so I've learned to create that gap control, and now I try to, so why do I bring this up in this talk is because I want to get to a point where we have what we call the 11th step in the programs and the anonymous programs. So through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of his will, which is his will is the next indicated correct thing to do, and the power to carry that out. I pray when I have input come in that I know from my experience and my maturity that there's a tendency I wanna react, usually verbally, which is to threaten you. And then many time in the past it's been physical, but I haven't touched anybody. We call it touched. I haven't touched anybody in 21 years. I've been sober for 21 years and I have not put hands on anyone. So I don't pray that often, but when I do, it's for good reason because my will is in alignment with God's Will I do a succession of good things? I do. I'm not trying to pat myself. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I do. I'm just a nice guy. One of the things that I heard in 1997 a gentleman talk in a meeting anonymous programs, said, I am a kind and gentle man. I almost fell outta my chair 'cause I was on the streets trying to get sober had never heard a man say that. He was kind and gentle. I still remember it, and I am today a kind and gentle man. And so that's who I wanted to become, and I've become that person. So anyway, I go into prayer. I'm very organized. Order is probably one of my favorite wor words or concepts, and that's one of the things that I do is I bring order from disorder. a lot of times there's disorder in the head and of course in our physical, but I at least have, remember I said my word today was focused. I have very little distractions. So I am focused. I control my environment. you can read any of the habit books where, James Clear talks quite a bit about it, that great books too. big fan of habits because I've had 'em good and bad, but I've had 'em. anyway, that's what I do to organize my day. I try to eat well. I try to balance, I even try. And I, that's changed in the last couple years. I'm so much more into family, I married into a family and I have the grandkids who I love to death. You can see my smile come on my face. I get to see one of 'em today, which I'm super excited. 'cause, we've been gone for,

Right

and a half. that's what I do. I make the list. That's probably the key component. And I stay focused. I try not to get too distracted. I work out, I try to eat well, and I just try to love on people. And in return, I've been blessed. I have a beautiful life. Beautiful life. Okay, so that is question number one. Okay. And then question number two is words of wisdom or what I wanna leave

is there something you wanted to touch on that we haven't mentioned?

Sure, there's two things. Number one, if you would like to learn more about me or hear me speak more on this, go to my YouTube channel. So I have a YouTube channel. Ken Miller is a very good one. And then you can also go to ken miller speaks.com. I'd and I'd love to speak, I hate to say it, but I speak a lot of times for free. I just want to give back. I had a chance to talk to SHRM, which is the Society of HR Managers flew up on my dollar in dime because they wanted to talk about ex hiring, excon convicts. And I'm like, if this helps the help an individual get a chance

Right.

work within and work with these HR managers, I'll do that for free. I'll do that on my dollar. I'm blessed. I'm not worried about that part. So I, so anyway, that's one. I have a book called Becoming Kin. It's on Amazon, audio books, the above. So that's becoming kin. it says a Black Man's Journey from the Ivy Leagues to and back again. And then also, I have a couple other websites, but let's go with ken miller speaks.com, and then of course you can do all the social media. Instagram, I'm really big on, and then, Facebook and also LinkedIn and feel free. The other thing is feel free to contact me, anyone who's hearing this, and I answer yes. I have virtual assists. I have four of them, but I answer all emails and phone calls. I answer 'em. Okay. or they're sent to me and I answer 'em. okay. That's number. then any, maybe any words of wisdom that I'd like to leave. The on and I wanna speak. So if anybody has anything about speaking, I want to speak free or for pay, I just love to speak, the words of wisdom. Get a mentor. And the way you get a mentor, you find someone that you see something in them that you would like. and I'm more talking about how they walk this earth, how they carry themselves. When people see me, one of the things that they right away is I'm very confident. And I'm very, and the world is even competent. I'm very competent to life. I can deal with anything in life. dealt with deaths. I've dealt with financial, I've dealt with prison, I've dealt with suicide. I've dealt with attempted murders, I've dealt with life. I can do life. I'm not afraid of life. And most importantly, I'm not afraid of me. I'm not in a biblical or an adversarial relationship with self. I'm not. I'm not. I like me. I'm a good dude. I'm a kind of gentle man. Okay. So number one, if you can't get a mentor, get someone outside. Counsel is what I call it. And the way you do that is you go up with someone and say, would you be willing or open to mentoring me? I'm looking for a mentor. sometimes they won't, but they'll know someone and know something about you. So the number one thing is to ask is to have the courage, that courage to Okay? And then the other thing that I would strongly recommend to have a dream. And the dream may be just to be a better husband. The dream may be just to be a better father or a better wife or whatever. Maybe that may be the dream, but have something to aspire to. And then reward yourself along the way. give yourself allowance to make mistakes and to bounce back. I wouldn't even have my talk if it wasn't for resilience. Okay. which is the bounce back from the setback. The comeback from the setback. leave yourself and then if you do this is, leave with this one. This a hundred different ones I could talk about, but I'll leave with this one if possible. Engage with a spiritual entity. But I wanna under, I make sure you understand what I mean by a spiritual presence. spiritual presence has to modify behavior. me say that one more time because that's how important I believe this is. The spiritual entity or presence or God, whatever you may want to define it as, has to modify action and behavior. If not, it's hollow. I'm not talking about, seriously. So if you are a strong Mormon and that modifies your behavior in a positive way, God bless you. If you're a strong person of the Islamic faith and it modifies your behavior or self will, that is inimical or an opposition to God's will. Thank you. If you are an atheist that has a concept of a, a certain thing that I'm going to adhere to that's based on integrity or whatever it may be, but it modifies your behavior, knock yourself out, agnostic, knock yourself out. go for it. But it has to. So when I go into prayer and I do it, but rarely, let me put seldom cause I don't need to, I don't have any friction. What I ask is identify what is the right thing to do here for my loved ones for society Now, what's going to give me the least amount of pain or the most pleasure? 'cause those are the two reasons we go into self will. That's a iCal or opposite of God's will. But what is going to be the right thing to do? And then once you've identified that, it doesn't take usually that long. I usually know what the right thing to do is me the courage to do it. And then I go out and do it. 'cause I'm gonna do it because I have covenant like David did in the Bible. I have a covenant, I have an agreement. 'cause you've taken me through a lot. There's things that I've survived physically and emotionally. I hate to say a lot of people don't survive. They don't, here.

right.

They're in prison. They're dead, or they're in addiction. Okay. That's it.

Thank you very much. Thanks for being with us today.

you.

So many strong points that I'm looking forward to editing and hearing some of these things. Again, listeners, Ken Miller, you can learn more at Ken Miller on YouTube, ken miller speaks.com, on the internet. a book Becoming Ken on Amazon and Audible and other platforms. There many ways to learn more, from a man that I feel has a great deal to give and is just as importantly, willing and has the courage to do Thank you, for your time. Listeners, thank you, Ken, for your time. Hope you have a great day. welcome back. Hope you recover from vacation, quickly and get right back into things. Listeners, thanks for joining us and we'll see you again next week