Lisa Marie Rankin [00:00:00]:

What if you could get people to do what you wanted, not through control or manipulation, but by shifting your energy? In today's episode, I'm talking about how to become an insider, someone who inspires change in others simply by holding a powerful vision and living in energetic alignment. We'll cover why nagging and rescuing don't work, how the Pygmalion effect can transform your relationships, how and what the myth of Galatea has to do with everyday magic. So if you've ever wished your partner was more affectionate, your kid more motivated, or your parent more empowered, this one's for you. Let's dive in. Welcome to the Goddess School Podcast, a space for women who want to reclaim their story, awaken their archetypal power, and live mythically. I I'm Lisa Marie Rankine, author, teacher and your mythic guide. I help women step beyond self help and into soul work by weaving together Jungian psychology, storytelling, ritual and feminine wisdom traditions. In each episode, you'll find personal reflections, mythic frameworks, and soul stirring conversations designed to help you re enchant your everyday life and become the heroine of your next chapter.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:01:20]:

This isn't about fixing yourself. It's about becoming the woman you are meant to be. The veil is parting. The ship is setting sail. Let's begin. Hello, beautiful ones. Over the next few weeks here on the podcast, I'm exploring romantasy, archetypes, symbols and tropes. Because art mirrors the collective unconscious and yes, that's your psyche, and offers us surprisingly creative strategies for navigating conflict and becoming the heroine of your own mythic life.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:01:55]:

So tell me, have you ever wanted someone in your life to just. Just do the thing? I've been there so many times. And for a while, I tried all the classic approaches. Reminding, nudging over helping, even straight up begging. I even created spreadsheets for people. Admittedly, I love a good spreadsheet. None of it worked. In fact, it usually made things worse.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:02:21]:

But what did work was manipulating my own energy, intention and expectations. In other words, becoming an inciter, an insider is someone who can get others to do what they want simply by commanding it with their mind. We see the heroine Wren do this in Silver Elite. Great book, by the way. Now, of course, I'm not talking about causing anyone physical or emotional harm or impeding on another's free will. Ren, for the record, did struggle with this moral dilemma. But what if you could incite your partner to be more affectionate? Your teenager to take their studies more seriously, or your parents to prioritize Their health. Well, you actually do have that power.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:03:08]:

You just need to learn how to wield it. No black magic required. Well, maybe a little. So we can incite, or let's say, encourage others through a play of energy by painting a vision of what's possible and behaving as if they've already became the version we long to see. But here's what usually goes wrong in attempting to get another to act in a certain way. Say you want your partner to be more loving or affectionate. You might have let a lot of time, aggravation and resentment build up until you finally blurt out, you're never affectionate anymore. I feel like we're just roommates.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:03:50]:

This accusation immediately puts your partner on the defensive. The last thing they feel is affectionate because they're too busy protecting their honor. Or maybe you've tried the sweet route, like, oh, honey, I really just need you to be more affectionate. But when you do that and you're really pissed off underneath, there's an incongruence. It's a demand cloaked in diplomacy. And while it sounds kind, your energy says otherwise, because our animal bodies really pick up on that fast. So both of these strategies, one, getting all mad and angry about it, or two, trying to be nice but still being a little bit pissed off underneath, tend to backfire. The recipient fails, boxed in and unable to respond in the way you truly desire, with enthusiasm and an open heart.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:04:42]:

But what if you did the opposite? Instead of shutting down when you felt deprived of affection, you actually opened even more. Say he's watching a YouTube video on the couch. Maybe you casually nestle in beside him, rest your head on his lap, pull his arm over your shoulder and say, like, I love cuddling with you. No defense, no demand, no correction, just connection. You've made affection feel safe. And even better, you've made him successful. Now that he knows how to please you, he'll want to do even more of it. Now, often we undermined the very thing that we want.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:05:20]:

So let's take another example. You want your partner or adult child to be competent and self sufficient. That sounds reasonable, right? However, I've seen many women do this. Many of my clients and I have done this as well too. You create the exact conditions that make that impossible. I know you're like, what? Let me explain. You continue to give them money because you want them to feel secure. You excuse poor behavior because you don't want them to feel judged or criticized.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:05:52]:

You echo their narrative about how hard everything is because you're trying to be empathic. In reality, your actions say, I don't trust you to rise without me. Now, this one hits close to home because I've often fallen into this trap in romantic relationships, believing my partner could be successful and competent. You know, if I just helped get their life in order, if I could organize the chaos, sparked their ideas, encourage the execution. It never, ever worked. Not even once. So please don't do that. Here's the thing.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:06:29]:

People will rise to the bar set for them, and often not higher. When we trust others to be at their best, they often become their best. It's sort of like magic. However, if we believe they need our help, they'll definitely depend on our help. This isn't just fantasy. It's psychology. The Rosenthal study showed that when teachers were told a random group of students were gifted, those students ultimately outperformed their peers. Why? Because the teachers believed in them.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:07:02]:

They treated them as capable, intelligent, and full of potential. And the students rose to meet that image. This is the Pygmalion effect. Our expectations shape others behavior. So rather than micromanage your loved one's next career move, maybe simply say, I know you can figure this out, honey. That single sentence said with belief in love is a game changer. You know, I love to weave psychology and myth together. I mean, after all, myth is psychology.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:07:36]:

So let's talk about the myth of Pygmalion. Pygmalion was a gifted sculptor and king of Cyprus who. Who, disillusioned by the flaws he saw in mortal woman, chose to remain unmarried, devoting himself to his art. Instead, one day he carved a statue of a woman, and she was so beautiful and perfect that he fell in love with her. He named her Galatea. He spoke to her, adorned her with gifts, dressed her in silks, and treated her as though she were real. At the festival of Aphrodite, he prayed for a wife like his ivory girl. Aphrodite, moved by his devotion, brought the statue to life.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:08:17]:

The ivory softened under his touch, and Galatea became flesh. The two married and lived happily ever after. This story reminds us that when we see someone through the lens of their potential, we help breathe life into it. From a psychological standpoint, this means that when we treat others as incapable, selfish, cold or broken, they're often going to meet that image. Not because it's who they are, but it's because it's the energetic field we've created doesn't allow them to be anything else. In contrast, when we act from the belief that someone is already growing into Their best self. We invite that energy forward. We create momentum.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:09:00]:

This doesn't mean tolerating poor behavior or ignoring red flags. It means shifting out of control criticism or rescuing and stepping into vision, congruence and love. And for the record, this is not about falling in love with someone's potential. Because I know many women tend to do this. I've done it as well too, only to be later disappointed. In fact, it's really the opposite. It's keeping the bar set high for who you choose to engage with. It's expecting the best right off the bat.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:09:33]:

See the difference? So how do you become an insider? Here are three ways to begin. The first is act as if they're already doing what you want. If your partner was affectionate, how would you act? If your son was an organized, responsible student, how would you treat him? Embody the energy of the outcome you desire. You'll create an energetic field that'll generate momentum for others to evolve. People often align with the role that they're cast in. 2. Consider your motivations. Why do you want them to change? Will it help you feel safer? More loved? More successful? How can you begin to source those feelings within yourself first? Then you're not dependent on their actions because you already have what you want.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:10:22]:

You loosen the reins, which allows them to expand. 3. Stay energetically congruent. If you're angry, be clean and honest about it. If you're hurt or feeling needy, own it directly. Nothing repels like incongruence. People don't just hear your words, they feel your vibe. Make sure your frequency aligns with your message.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:10:46]:

Will this always work? Of course not. People have free will. They learn at their own pace, walk their own path, and face their own karma. But if they don't rise, at least you'll know it wasn't because you didn't believe in them. And that frees you to act in alignment with your own values, needs and desires. Because here's the real magic. When you treat someone like the version of themselves you believe they can become, sometimes they actually do. And if not, you stop waiting and you start living.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:11:19]:

So I just want to quickly recap the three ways that you can start to become an insider in your own life. The first is act as if they're already becoming who you want them to be. People often align with the rules we cast them in. When you behave like it's already happened, it creates momentum. You create a field which makes it possible. 2. Check your motives. Make sure you're not trying to control someone in order to feel safer, more lovable, or more whole.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:11:48]:

Give yourself what you're asking from them first. 3. Be energetically congruent People feel your vibe more than your words. The more aligned you are between your feelings, energy and message, the more trust and resonance you create. This isn't about playing puppet master, it's about inviting someone into a higher version of themselves through your belief in them and your embodiment of what's possible. And yes, they still get to choose, but in becoming an insider, they you also become the heroine of your own life. You're no longer waiting for people to change so you can feel better. You're radiating belief, boundaries and magic and watching what happens next.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:12:31]:

So let me ask you, what are you ready to incite? If you've liked this series, I invite you to come join me on Substack. That's where we explore modern myths, archetypal magic and romantasy tropes through journaling, active imagination, and monthly live gatherings. It's a space where the mythic meets the practical and you get to enchant your life from the inside out. The link to join us on Substack is in the show Notes. I'll see you there. Thank you for joining me for this episode of the Goddess School podcast. I hope it sparked your imagination and expanded your vision for what's possible. If you're ready to explore these concepts more deeply, reclaim your personal myth and live with greater creativity and enchantment, I invite you to join me inside Enlivened my Divine Feminine Mystery School and Sacred Community where we bring these teachings to life through ritual, story coaching, and of course, real world action.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:13:33]:

You can find the link to learn more in the show notes. And remember, the Goddess isn't a deity outside of yourself. She's an aspect of your highest self. You are the Goddess. Until next time.