In this bonus episode, you're gonna hear what

a coaching session with me is like. Hi, I'm Katie McManus,

business strategist and money mindset coach, and welcome to the

Weeniecast. My podcast producer,

Neal Veglio, reached out to me and asked me if I would please

do a session with him because he was wanting some direction where he should

go in his business. I have full permission from him to share

this. Dude, you need to have

more fun. That's something we need to prioritize. Seriously, is you need

to. Sounds really, like, condescending. We need to get a

hobby. It's taking up all your time, and you're making x amount of

dollars. How are you going to make more money if it's already

taking up all your time making that amount of money? I'm with you. So,

like, cutting back on the amount of hours you're doing and being

intentional about spending time doing things you enjoy and spending time with your parents

and, you know, pushing your dog's butthole back in,

you know, whatever. Yeah.

Whole pushing off the list, that's now ended, so that's good. But, yeah,

more time for parents. Definitely. That's definitely one. Yeah. Birdwatch.

Like, you know, think of anything that you're slightly interested in

and almost make it be kind of fun if you made, like, a bingo card

for yourself of, like, things you wanted to try. I like it. It could be

bird watching. It could be. I want to do parkour. Watching.

Parkour. Parkour. You know, like the jumping. Sign up for a

parkour class. Too bloody old. Okay, maybe sign up for, like,

a Pilates class before you do parkour because you need to work on your core.

Great. I love it. Oh, cool. Do classes. That's actually a good idea.

Do classes. Yeah. Gym classes. Going to the gym first would be a

good start, wouldn't it? Mm hmm. Yeah. I don't want

it to be something that, like, is. Has a purpose. Like, it's supposed to

make, like, make you fitter. This, that, the other thing, it's supposed to be something

that, like, helps you turn your brain off and that you actually enjoy.

Because what happens is our brains get kicked into scarcity mode when we

don't let ourselves do that. We get kicked into, like, survival mode when

we don't have moments of just pure joy. You just talked about that

on an episode recently, actually, and that sort of sunk in. Mm hmm.

Okay, I'll work on that. Yeah. You know, the goal here is

a life of no regrets. Like, that's it your business and making more money.

Like, that's all gonna fold into it. But what good is that going to

be if you're setting yourself up to be like, oh, fuck, I should have done

more of that. Yeah. I had a client who, one of

her big ones when we first started working together in that first year

is. She texted me. She's like, so I went down to the pool in my

building. She lives in an apartment building. And I put my feet in the pool

for like 15 minutes. It was great. I didn't go in the pool. I don't

want to go swimming, but I put my feet in the pool. I'm telling you

this. But this is not a unique thing. Special. Right. You know?

Yeah. You know, everyone struggles with this. Got you. Right?

Yeah. And it really does make a difference when you start

prioritizing those small moments of joy. Yeah. I think that's the

thing I have trouble with, is. I mean, it's nothing new. You've even talked about

this on your show. But it's just that guilt feeling, isn't it, of like, I

should be working. I should be doing stuff. This is me. What

part of you, though, it comes. Back from the days when you had a job

and you have to account for all your time and your bosses would look at

you and, okay, you got time to talk. Why you talk, you know, and it's.

Time to lean, time to clean. Yeah. And it's. It's like you

sort of. You in your head, I guess you're kind of thinking, well, I'm the

boss now, and I need to watch what my people are doing. But I don't

have any people. I've only got me. And I'm looking at me and I'm just

looking at LinkedIn. What the hell am I doing? Come on, get editing. You know?

And it's. Yeah, it's that sort of mentality. So going to hang out with my

mum and dad for a cup of tea seems like a really

guilty thing to do when I could be editing something or putting something

in canva. It's just. Yeah, it's a really weird, because you'll still get it done,

won't you? It's just when you do it, I. Think you and I are pretty

decided that you also have ADHD.

Like, you don't necessarily need the diagnosis. We know. Here's the thing.

When you're in executive dysfunction and you're on LinkedIn thinking, I need to

edit, I need to edit, I need to edit. You're actually making the edit. Take

a lot longer than it would if you just walked away and did something else

and then came back. Okay, when we're in executive dysfunction, it means, like,

we don't have enough dopamine to actually do the thing, right? And

dopamine, yeah, it comes from getting tasks done, but it also comes from just going

and enjoying life. You know, there's this whole. There's this weight loss coach that I

followed over ten years ago, and I just. I followed her because I

really thought the philosophy she taught was interesting. Like, instead

of waiting to lose weight to go and have fun and live life and, like,

go to the pool and do all the fun things, she made her clients do

the fun things first because oftentimes, like, the reason people

overeat is because they need more dopamine or it's like a stress

relief. You know, like, they have anxiety and so, like, they want to, like, suppress

the feelings with food, right, versus going out and having experiences

and having fun. Like, that gives you dopamine and it also lowers your

stress levels, right. So at the end of the day, you know, when

you would normally reach for snacks, like, you don't really need them because you've had,

like, a really full day and, like, you've sorted through emotions as they've come up

and you've done all the things for you as a business owner, the way

you manage anxiety is to keep working, and that's a coping mechanism.

It's not actually a healthy way to deal with the anxiety. You and I both

know this. It's kind of like your version of having a glass of wine after

a stressful day is just keep working. Just keep working. Because then you can prove

to yourself that you've worked as hard as you possibly can. I hate that. You

know me. I'm not perfect at

this. Like, I struggle with this, too. Believe me, this is what my

coaching calls are with my people. It's hard, but also

it's incredibly important. And it's almost like those are your non negotiables for the

week because the work is going to happen. You're going to do it. It's not

like you're in slack off. You and I both know this. Your non

negotiable is showing your nervous system

that it's safe to go and spend some time away from work

and to do so with, like, don't make content out of it. Don't.

Don't have it. Be well. This is how I'm going to hit my fitness goals.

Also, when your nervous system sees, like, we always have to have a purpose, and

we always have to do this. It's a survival mode. So that is your non

negotiable. You have to, like, one of my first assignments for you is to

go through and schedule those, like, times of joy throughout

the week where you spend several hours away from work. Just having several

hours. Yeah. Oh, I didn't agree to

the several hours, Pop. Yeah. But you know what? You have to do it to

show yourself that you're not gonna die and that your business won't fail. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. Because otherwise, whatever we build is gonna end up with

you working 80 hours a week and burning yourself out. And that's not sustainable. How

many hours per day, roughly then, would you say? For right now, let's make

it two or three hour sessions per week. Okay. Okay.

It doesn't necessarily have to be every single day. Yeah.

It's you going to hang out with your parents, and then it's you going off

and having, like, a little random adventure for the hell of it. There's also, I

don't know if you've ever heard of it, but have you heard of weird walks?

Weird walks? No. All right. It's not where you go walk weird. It's like you

go for a walk and you try to find, like, one to five

weird things. And it could be, oh, this tree looks like it's the person

that's, like, you know, holding its hands up to the police. Oh, this

is a weird little, like, miniature mural of a goblin on the corner of

a building, you know. Oh, that flower pot, like, looks like

a pumpkin. Okay, interesting. And it's like. But you hit.

It's a great mindfulness trick. And it's also really fun to do with other

people. Right. Because you're constantly like, is this weird enough? Does this qualify? Is this

weird enough? And it just, like, it makes you really

enjoy every single moment you're on it because you're just scanning the world

for, like, something that makes you giggle. Yeah, brilliant. You could do that with

the dog as well. Is that allowed? Yeah. Yeah. Look at this tree that

Katie says looked like being arrested by the police. She's not

it. Did

you also take the money archetypes test? I did.

Okay. So the first two I kind of clocked you as. But the. The

third one I'm kind of surprised at. So your

nurturer, accumulator and romantic, right? That sounds

right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, interesting. When

someone says interesting, and then they don't follow up. No, we'll go

over it. We'll go over it. It's fascinating. Like, the first two,

I had completely clocked. Romantic is, like, the one that's, like,

real. Really? All right, so let's talk through your

archetypes. Oh. Ooh. What am I gonna say next?

You'll have to keep listening to find out. But first, squirrel. Squirrel, squirrel,

squirrel.

Okay, so, nurturer. Okay, so when you hear nurturer, what comes

to mind? So nurturer to me now, hearing it in the aftermath,

nurturer to me is someone that wants to get resources together

so that you can look after the people you love. Right? That's what

it is. Yeah. Yeah. It's really interesting. This came up, actually, at the

weekend, so it's my dad's birthday, and he was talking about he wants

a new car. And I did that whole thing in my head of, oh, my

God. If I'd have been more successful at this point, I would have

just taken him to the dealership and bought him a car. He's

82, so he's not looking for, like, a nice prestige

car. He just wants, like, a Porsche Cayenne, like, used

ten year old car. That is something you can be proud of, but cheap

to run. Doesn't drive it anyway, but it's just something nice to park on his

driveway. And I was like, it made me feel terrible because it's like I can't

even go. And at this stage, I can't even go by myself. A particularly

nice new car. How am I going to be able to do, you know?

Yeah. So I. So nurture is my second one. So we have

this in common. Nurturers, we derive our sense

of self worth from how much we can give to others. They don't tend to

have a lot in savings because they're constantly giving to others. And

this can be. They're either supporting people financially,

they're letting people live in their house, you know, rent free,

whatever, eat their food like they're taking people out to dinner. This is also a

romantic thing, but it can also show up in your business where you

over give, you provide. And it comes from, like, a fear

that it, like, what you have to offer is not going to be enough. And

so it's like, oh, well, I have to go above and beyond here, and I

have to go above and beyond here, and I have to, like, constantly, like, shove

value in your face so you don't run away from me.

Right. This happened yesterday.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, guilty

is charged an hour and 45 minutes yesterday with

Michelle basically handing over all my knowledge.

Yeah, she's lovely. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed helping her. Yeah. And I actually

wouldn't be surprised if she referred you clients also. Right?

Yeah. But, you know, like, the amount of things that you

do for your clients that are paying you, like. Yeah,

absolutely. But, like, you give so much.

And the big thing for the nurturer is to realize, like, sometimes when you

give too much to your clients, it starts creating, like, an imbalance in

exchange, in energy exchange. So your clients will

stop. Will start feeling guilty for how much they're taking from you.

This is a great example of me correcting the imbalance.

Right? Sorry. No, but it's. It's.

But it's when. When you notice that

that is kind of your. Your alarm.

Oh, I need to raise my rates. Not necessarily dial it back, but maybe

shift it. So, for instance, how I've done this in my business is

I've implemented a lot of, like, group calls so that clients can get

that part of me without me having to do it for every single person.

Right. Interesting. Yeah. My brave biz lab call that used to be

every single fucking week. That is a great example of nurturer

behavior, trying to take care of everyone and giving too much away. As we

roll out your different offers, as we roll out your coaching,

reconfigure your producing package and also your

memberships in your franchise. Like, we just have to be very, very conscious of this

part, right. Because when the nurturer is not in its power, it

wants to give the whole store away to prove how nice you are. You know,

how nice and generous and knowledgeable you are. Because it feels like it has to

prove itself. Yeah. The nurturer in its power,

however, knows that the more money you

make and the more you command and the more

stable you become, the more your boat kind of

rises, that everyone will see that and take that as, like,

oh, cool, like, we'll have to rise with him. You can help people by

simply setting a boundary and setting an example. Right.

Because that allows for them to rise to the occasion as well. Tell me more

about setting a boundary and example. What do you mean by that? Like, when

people ask for your feedback and your help,

you can absolutely give them all your time.

And also you can give them a link to

buy an hour with you. Right. You know, and, of course, do this

with discretion, but there are people out there who genuinely want what

you have, and it's going to help them make money. But, you know, it's also

generous and kind of you to give 15 minutes and just give them a list,

like, oh, cool. You're struggling with this. Like, here. Here are all the things you

want to look at. Yeah, that's it. You know, like, that is

generous, but like an hour and 40 minutes, that's a long time to give to

someone. So with that, that's actually a good example because I have done,

and this isn't my first rodeo on that one. You can probably

guess. It's kind of more like a weekly occurrence, to be

honest. So how would you suggest, then,

that kind of situation? Because obviously she had a

pad out and she was like, she showed me, like six pages.

Six leaves of a four. Yeah, but now you're saying that. I'm

realizing actually, you know, an hour and 45 minutes is

a lot of my time, that actually, you know, probably never going

to see that returned, even if she does refer. Maybe, I don't know. But

how do you suggest that I would overcome that then? The

sense that it's selfish for you to cut it down. No. The whole,

like. So the system of. She's obviously turned up. You've recommended me

to her. She knows that I'm going to save her ass on her talk that

she's got to do on a podcast she's got to do. I've obviously got

all the ways I can help her, which I did then, being mindful

that. Okay, so we've now done this for 20 minutes, and I can tell that

we're not even touching the surface here. How would you sort of handle that so

politely with, like, you know, we sort of sit out for an hour. So it's

really how you start the call. You know, it's like, okay, cool. So we only

have 20 minutes. What do you need to know? We only have 20 minutes. What

do you need to know? What's the purpose here and what are you struggling with?

What do you need to put together? Yeah. Right. So it's a very

intentional. Exactly, exactly. Right.

You're giving 20 minutes that you didn't need to offer. You could have

responded in an email and said, oh, well, here are the top five things that

podcasters struggle with when it comes to their brand. Right. You know,

yeah. I assumed she was ADHD and wouldn't. Want to read it,

but you know what? Like, that's the nurturer.

I need to make sure this is completely,

100% catered to how you read and listen

and absorb information. Right, right. That's not your

responsibility. Let the content do the heavy lifting. Exactly.

Okay. Yeah. No more 1 hour and 40 minutes

sessions. And also know that on, on their end. Like,

that imbalance happens. Like, oh, my God, he just gave me so much

time. You know, there's, like, this guilt. There's this absolute

guilt. Now, your accumulator,

the accumulator is, like, of the eight archetypes, you have

it paired with two not great spender or savers.

So the accumulator is really well known for deriving

a lot of joy and security from seeing their bank account growing.

Right. The accumulator, however, has a great deal of

fear around risk. The accumulator

would rather have money in a savings account, not

accruing interest rather than the stock market, because

there's risk there. You're laughing. What's coming up.

Lt has charged. Yeah. Because what if you lose it all?

The accumulators also really hesitant to spend any money on

themselves. Yes. Which, paired

with the nurturer, creates this really fucked up dynamic

where you're allowed to spend money on other people, but you're not allowed to spend

money on yourself. And if you do spend money on yourself, like, you have to

be the cheapest motherfucker possible about it. Like, the accumulator

is really well known for seeing things as luxury that other

people see. Like, it's not a big deal. So, you know,

like, the difference between tissues. Like, you have tissues that are just like, plain

tissues, and then you have the ones that are infused with lotion. They don't irritate

your nose. The accumulator would be like, that's $0.50 more.

Can't spend that. I gotta get the shitty ones. Gotta get the ones that completely

destroy my face and make my nostrils, like, bleed, right?

Oh, my God. Yes. Does this hurt? There's an

accumulator that I know who, when I brought this up, she's like, I never

buy coffee out. I feel so guilty spending $3 on a cup of

coffee when I can get it at home for, like, $0.10. Cause she's worked out

the math on it. Here's the big thing for accumulators

is you, like, invest in

things, and it could be that cup of coffee out. You actually open

yourself up to opportunities, right? Because let's play this out. You go home, you

make coffee. Are you talking to anyone in your kitchen? Like, is there

anyone new coming into your life? Are they just walking into your house and be

like, oh, you have coffee on. Can I have a cup? Versus sitting down at

a cafe and having a cup of coffee and kind of like, you people

watching, and maybe someone sits down at the next table and you strike up a

conversation with them. Oh, I have a friend who's always wanted to do a podcast.

Maybe I should introduce them to you. And this goes into spending time

doing fun things. You know, the accumulator when you start training

yourself to, like, invest in those little moments, invest in the things that

you just want. You actually open yourself up to opportunities coming

your way that you can never plan on. Right, right. But you can't do it

unless you go and make that choice. They will never come if

you're just sitting in your kitchen. Because, I mean, if someone came into your kitchen

and was like, hey, I want you to start a podcast, you probably call the

police, it wouldn't work out, you know, I don't know how. Much

you willing to give? I take

your point. Absolutely. Yeah. 100%.

Yeah. Okay. What's coming up for you around this?

A massive amount of shame. Yeah. What's the

shame? Around being super tight? And this comes from my

dad, because my dad, like, the advice I was giving my dad on Saturday

night, I was saying to him, you need to enjoy your money. You probably got

five good years left of driving. For one thing, you've got the

money. We know you've got the money. You're saving it for a rainy day,

which is basically saving it for me. Don't. And it

comes from my dad's mentality that if I spend money on myself,

the business is going to need it all of a sudden. Like, you know, like

cyber hack or something. Which is ironic cause I'm probably wishing it

myself to it now, to be honest. Yeah. You know, it also comes from trauma,

and trauma can be generational, and it actually does get passed down in

DNA. So, like, I know nothing about your dad except for what you've shared with

me. There might have been a moment where all their money was taken

from them. Okay, so I can tell you exactly what this is. His dad was

an alcoholic and he was actually a restaurant owner in London.

Being a chef, even, I mean, it's still pretty stressful now, but back then, it

was ridiculous. He would get super stressed Friday night. He'd get his

money and he'd just like, literally go to the pub, drink it all, come

home, be abusive to his mom and him. Not

physically, but just like, verbally. Oh. I mean, it's abuse

even if he weren't doing anything, because the parent is unpredictable and you don't

know if you're safe. The parent doesn't have to do really anything when they're an

alcoholic for it to be abusive to the child. Right. You know, it's just like,

it's instability. You don't know, like, how to predict this adult that you're supposed to

be able to predict for your own safety. So that absolutely

had an impact on his DNA, which got passed down to you. When

trauma like that happens, especially early on, it actually alters your DNA.

It alters the chemical components of how your DNA is passed on.

So there are two ways to respond to this. And so, like, the shame you

feel about being this way. Like, you can't feel shame. Like, there was. You had

no choice in this. This is basically like, are you a PC or a Mac?

A Mac can't help itself but be a Mac. You know? A PC can't help

itself but be a PC. It's not like they can be like, oh, man. Like,

I have shame. I should be operating like, the other one. This is your operating

system, and it's his operating system too. But there are two ways

that. Or, I mean, there are many ways, but here are two examples of how

someone could respond to that kind of abuse. And that kind of childhood is

a save everything. Because what if someone tries to come and take it?

And I don't want to risk, like, if I don't have enough to, like, cover

myself the other way, that's more of the maverick hello way of

doing it is money's not safe with me, so as soon as I get it,

I have to get rid of it so no one can take it from me.

So knowing that, like, this is. This is, like,

how you were raised, but also now. Now you're aware of it,

you get to start making some choices that are different. Also,

the advice you gave your dad is very much romantic, and we'll get

to that. Okay.

The accumulator romantic dynamic is actually really interesting because the

accumulator will look at their bank account and be like, oh, my God, I have

so much money. If I wanted to go to a four star resort for a

whole week and have everything done and, like, do the spa

one day and go jet ski another day and all this stuff, like, I'd have

enough money for that. And, like, that just gives me so much joy, right? The

romantic on the other side is like, I want to go to the fucking

spa. Like, let's go. That's where I get my joy, is by going and doing

the thing and actually enjoying life. Right? So the fact

that you have both, there's gonna be constantly this tension between the two

of them. Of, no, no, I have enough money. That's good enough. I have enough

money to do it if I want to. That's good enough. And the romantic. No,

but I just. I really want to go. Can we please go? But the

romantic is, like, how I like to describe. The romantic is, like, if the

romantic has a craving for a croissant, they're not just gonna

go to the grocery store and get a croissant from the bakery department, right?

They're going to think of like, hey, what's my favorite bakery that has the best

croissant? And they're like, oh, cool. It's that place that's, like, 25 minutes

away. And the croissants are, like, stupidly expensive, you

know, like. Like, ridiculous. Way more expensive. But you know what? Like, if I want

a croissant, I'm not going to settle. Like, I'm not going to be happy with

anything else. Like, I have to go and have this croissant over here, right? There's,

like, this quality. And your accumulator is probably freaking the fuck out because you're spending

the time and you're spending the money, and your nurturer's like, oh, but you could

be doing all these other things for other people in that time and with that

money. Right? But your romantic's like, no, but I just really want it. Like, it

just. It'll make me so happy. So the romantic. The romantic

is actually really good at bringing money in, but they don't like

thinking about money. Like, the idea of thinking about their money gives them so much

anxiety because it's like, they don't want to deal with it. They just want

to, like, enjoy what money can bring them. Like, your romantic was

giving your dad advice the other night. Like, it was kind of your nurturer as

well, but. And like, that nurturer, like response to, oh,

well, I want to be able to buy you the car. Like, that's a nurturer

response. But, like, the advice you're giving him was full on romantic.

Now, his accumulator, I don't know what his other archetypes are, but it's very clear

he's an accumulator as well. He's not going to take that advice. But it's

also like, he takes joy from knowing he has that money and it

can grow, or it can just sit there and be like, this safety

egg. Yep. When your romantic's not in power, though, you'll tend to

spend money on the same stuff. But it comes from a, well, I deserve this.

Like, I worked really hard, or, you know, people just don't appreciate

me, so I'm going to appreciate myself. You know, I'm not. And mixed with

the resentment that can come up in the nurturer relationships where you're giving

and giving and not getting the same amount back. Right. Because it

comes from a place of, like, I don't feel appreciated. I don't feel celebrated by

other people. Okay. I have to do it for myself. Fascinating. The romantic

will spend money on things that they genuinely enjoy, you know, versus the

celebrity, which is my third, will spend money on things that look good,

you know, that, like, feel like, you know, all the trimmings of someone who would

be successful. Right. Doesn't really care about how they look. If

you're wearing fleece lined sweatpants, like, if they just feel so good, like

you're gonna wear them, you don't care, they look stupid. All these

things build up to you being set up to provide a

really incredible service to your clients. Right. Because the nurturer wants you to make

sure that you're giving a lot to your clients. And the romantic is always going

to set up a really thoughtful experience. So the fact

that you keep Zencastr just for me because I need the visual

feedback, that's a romantic move, that is, because, like,

you understand that the experience matters. You

know, it's. Oh, no, the experience matters. So, like, if you were ever to do

a retreat. Romantics are really good at curating those kinds

of experiences because they know what they would like. They know what would make them

feel good. You know, the fact that you're on about blue yetis and, like, get

really persnickety about the types of microphones you have, your people

have, and the quality of the podcasts that you produce. Like, that's a

romantic, because you know the experience of listening and you know

the difference it makes. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. So

you have some really incredible strengths here, and also, like, there are some

challenges that we're just going to have to work through. All right, I'm up for

the challenge.

Okay, so here's your homework. I want you to go, and I want you to

find five other examples of how you

make choices or, like, conundrums you find yourself in

and start pointing to, like, here's what my nurturer has to

say, and here's what my accumulator has to say. And here's what my romantic has

to say. Right. Because the more you, like, see how you're

behaving in your real life and identifying how each one of them is kind

of showing up, the more aware you'll be able to be in the future.

Okay, that's your homework for right now. If you're ready

to stop being a weenie and actually run a business that makes money then

go ahead and book a generate income strategy call with me by

going to weeniecast.com

strategycall. On this call, we will talk about your

goals, your dreams. Dreams and your frustrations in getting

there. And if it's a fit for both of us, then we can talk about

different ways to work together.