Welcome to the Peak

Revival Podcast.

In this episode, I'm gonna

talk about how to overcome

midlife burnout or exhaustion.

Okay, so midlife or middle

aged in the research

that I'm looking at, they

consider that between 35

and all the way up to 66.

That's middle aged, right?

So it's quite a

big age bracket.

Now with the Gen Xs, right,

Gen Xs are more in that

middle aged right now.

And there's a lot of

drivers that lead to

Exhaustion, burnout, fatigue,

a lot of hormonal complaints

in this stage, right?

And so often we put it down

to just perimenopause, there

is a lot more going on.

women even postmenopause

are still struggling, And

the reason for this, okay,

Gen X, we're looking at some

behavioural patterns here.

Gen X are known as

the latchkey kids.

I didn't know this

until the other day.

So the least parented

children, right, would walk

themselves home from school.

This is before there

was childcare and

things like that.

And so they became more self

reliant, able to regulate

their emotions better, had

more skills in that way.

But some of the traits

for the Gen Xs are,

they are people pleasers

they are perfectionists.

They have self sacrificing

behaviors, which I'm

going to talk about.

Gen Xs were sold, or in

this middle age we're all

still sold, hey, we've

got to have it all, right?

the home life and

the career life.

And so women have been burning

themselves up for many, many

years trying to have it all,

which meant doing it all.

And the reality is for

women, there is gender pay

gaps, there's inequality,

and there's career

interruptions along the

way that create a lot more

stress and a lot more burden.

And also as women enter

this age, they are still,

you know, parenting their

children and taking care

of their aging parents,

which normally have, quite

often, health complaints.

So their schedule is full.

and it means high levels

of stress and high levels

of fatigue down the road.

Now, there are hormonal

changes that happen here.

There are issues with the

mitochondria, which leads to

fatigue, chronic tiredness,

brain fog and burnout.

And I talked about that

in episode 42, so you can

have a listen to all about

the mitochondria and how we

shift that kind of energetic,

Because these cells produce

most of our energy, so we

can restore them in order

to have higher levels of

energy that last all day long.

But I wanted to kind of go

a little bit higher level

because I speak to women

who have a lot of symptoms,

a lot of conditions in their

body, and instead of focusing

on every little symptom or

what systems are not in a

good state, sometimes I like

to go even further upstream

and I look at in a very basic

level the stress response

part of the nervous system

and the relaxation response.

And so, the relaxation

response, when we're in

that state, our body is

producing energy, it's

burning body fat, and it's

in a healing state, right?

It's always in a state of

homeostasis and it's healing.

But when we're in a

stress response, we're

in the survival response.

So, Things are not

happening as they are

in relaxation response.

So the body doesn't deem

reproduction important,

which affects hormones,

doesn't deem digestion

important, which affects

digestion of nutrients and

microbiome and more, right?

So things get taken offline

because in preference of

the stress response trying

to save your life, right,

trying to get you out of

mortal danger, which is

what it thinks you're in.

you know, I had a client say

to me the other day, when I

heard her talk and I heard

her schedule and everything

she had on and so much the

business and for the family

and then trying to squeeze in

something for herself, when

I was listening and she had

a lot of health complaints

and, and we talked about

this and she said, well, how

much time, what's too much

time in a stress response?

And I said, well, we were

only designed to be in

a stress response for 30

minutes every 2 to 3 days.

So you can imagine, you

know, when you're overworked

or overscheduled and your

mind's going a million miles

an hour and you just don't

have any downtime during the

day batteries are running at

full steam or your adrenaline

is high because You're just

always just on, on, on,

on, on and doing, right?

And so when we don't spend

enough time in the relaxation

response, things get missed.

Things start breaking down.

The systems don't

repair themselves.

Then we get imbalances, we get

dysfunction and then we get

symptoms and we get disease.

Okay.

On a very high level, if you

wanted to look at it like

that, because sometimes I find

it, it's so overwhelming for

people to look at it on every

single system and symptom,

but on a high level, our body

is designed to heal itself.

That's what it does.

And if it's not doing

it, well, then we have to

look at the very basics.

How much time are you spending

in the relaxation response?

compared to the stress

response and for most people

I speak to, it's very little

time in the relaxation.

You're either in one or the

other, You're either in the

stress response or you're

in the relaxation response.

There's nothing in between.

And so if you're not feeling,

calm and contentment and

peace, that's Feeling that

fills your body and your mind.

If you're not feeling that

for most of the day, you're

in the stress response.

Okay.

There's tension.

There's anxiety.

There's pressure.

There's urgency that's

operating you and keeping

you in a stress response.

And you may relate to

this because I find

that most women do.

They don't realize they're

in a stress response

because they're so

accustomed to it, right?

When I really differentiate

between the difference,

which is that really calm,

peaceful contentment.

That place, that's the

relaxation response, okay?

So let's look at the drivers.

So I can look at your

schedule and go, okay,

you're doing way too much.

It's not a surprise.

You've got your foot on

the gas all day long, not

just with your to do list,

but because there's no

space in your schedule,

it also creates overwhelm.

So your mind is just all day,

okay I've got to do this, then

I've got to do that, and then

I've got to go and do this,

and then that, and then next

week this, oh don't forget

about this, and so there's

this non stop mental chatter.

The brain is on

full steam ahead.

Where it doesn't have

any downtime, right?

And like I said, the

hormones pick up during the

day, the stress hormones,

and we need to allow

them to come back down.

If there's no space, they're

not coming back down, right?

They're just going to

continue to rise and

continue to exhaust you.

So let's look at the drivers.

So when I see someone's

schedule, I know that, yep,

they're like, well, I have

to do this for work, I have

to do this for family, I

have to do this, right?

And so then I like to

talk about these hidden

drivers because, um,

I can't get you to find

time in your schedule

until you really understand

what's driving it.

Yes, you have

responsibilities.

Yes, you have people to take

care of and a business to

run, but there are still

hidden drivers there that

are pushing you to go to the

level that you're going to.

Okay.

Number one is the

people pleaser.

rescuer.

Okay, so we, you know,

the researchers show that

Gen Xers are really, they

struggle with this, right?

And they carry this

right throughout their

lives without, in some

they do realize, but

often without being able

to address it, right?

So People Pleasers are

about addressing everyone's

needs before their own.

It's women are very nurturing.

And I feel very selfish

to say no to family

or people in need, but

it's our programming.

We've been programmed to

be nice girls, to put other

people's needs before our

own, to use polite language,

to be accommodating, and

not be too demanding, not

be too complicated, right?

We've been programmed

from a very young

age to be like this.

Unfortunately, that

just isn't sufficient

in our adulthood, okay?

That is not going to help us

to be strong and empowered

women in our adulthood.

So, what drives

these rescuer traits?

And I talked more about

this in episode 27 back.

I went deeper into it.

Is the fear of rejection.

Okay, this is what

drives a rescuer.

Now, I 100 percent

identify as a rescuer

for, all my life, okay?

And it's Since I've been doing

this work into understanding

more about it, that I've

been able to see my traits

and make different choices.

Because we end up putting

ourselves in a situation

which is so exhausting, we

feel so undervalued, we feel

so not taken care of, and

then we become the victim.

And from a place of

a victimhood, we're

really powerless, right?

We're really unable to step

into our greatest potential.

There is an underlining fear

of rejection, that if we

don't do what people ask,

they won't want to spend time

with us, they won't want to be

with us, they won't love us,

they won't value us, right?

We're always doing,

doing, doing, doing.

in the end, people

pleasers become resentful.

and it's a whole cycle, right?

You become the victim, and

then the victim, You know,

if you're like taking care

of your kids so much, they

become the victim, right?

You don't allow them to step

up and therefore the victim

then becomes the aggressor

and then they fight back

at you and you're like,

I'll do everything for you.

I can't believe that you're

now having a go at me, right?

And this is dynamic, okay,

that we innocently and

unknowingly and unconsciously

put ourselves into due to

these hidden drivers, right?

A lot of them

programmed into us.

Most of them, let's say all

of them program into us.

Which is just an idea that

was given to us at a very

young age that we believed

and we took it on and we still

believe it today and therefore

it still runs our life,

okay, it runs our actions.

The second one is

being a perfectionist.

So perfectionism at its core

is about fear of criticism.

Okay.

So if you don't do a good

enough job, if you make

a mistake and someone

calls you out that you

made a mistake, it's like,

Oh, I'm not good enough.

I didn't do a good enough job.

I'm not good.

Right.

And so it's a fear of

and judgment from others.

You know, sometimes when

I go to put something out

there, if I do a post on

social media or do a video,

even sometimes when I do

these podcasts, right.

I'm like, Oh, Make

it sound good.

Make it sound clear.

because there is a fear of

it's gonna go out there.

Well, also in the beginning,

in the first couple of

podcasts, I was like, Oh,

it's gonna be out there.

It's gonna sound terrible

and people are gonna

pick up on it and they're

gonna judge me on it.

Right?

And so this driver to make it

perfect then is to avoid the

criticism and the judgment.

Now, I can assure you

this is self judgment.

Yes, people may say

something, you might do

something perfectly and

people still comment.

I mean, certainly on

social media, right?

And really the judgment

and the criticism is self

judgment and criticism.

So it's really coming from you

because honestly, people do

not think about you that much.

We are so obsessed with

ourselves, our own reality

is from our own thinking, our

own beliefs, our own thoughts.

It's we really just

have a holding a mirror

up to ourselves all

day, essentially.

And we're thinking

about ourselves, okay?

Everything we see is

based on our own thinking.

And so therefore that

judgment isn't coming from

outside, it's coming from you.

And I think there's a

little bit of Something

we can relax into when we

know people just aren't

thinking about you that much.

Okay, they're not analyzing

everything you do.

They're not judging

everything you do.

They won't even notice it.

Okay, and if they do,

they've already forgotten

about it in five minutes.

Because again, we go back

to think about ourselves.

The third one is

proving your worth.

So this kind of comes with

The Rescuer, but a little

bit deeper I look at it

in this kind of feminine

masculine energy, right?

So proving your worth

is like making sure that

do things that make you

valuable in this world, make

you valuable as a woman.

And That's not really

a feminine energy.

So when we talk about feminine

and masculine, the feminine

energy is more receiving.

It's more about letting go

of things, allowing things

to come to you, whereas the

masculine energy is more

about creating, doing, making

it happen, okay, forcing it,

using power, using strength.

And I definitely come from

more of a masculine energy.

I have done all my life.

And so trying to understand

these dynamics and

be a little bit more.

allowing things to come to

you, relinquishing control,

not having to prove your

worth, because this idea of,

proving our worth through

our value in what we do, or

our career, or what kind of

a home we have, or how our

children are doing, or how

much money you make, or what

kind of a car you drive,

whatever it is, I mean,

you make that up, right?

You decide on what makes

you then valuable, what

your worth is, right?

But your worth as a

human being is the same

as everybody else's.

Like, I once had an example

I heard from someone.

If, if you found a hundred

dollar note on the ground,

that had been in the

gutter, in the mud, Right?

just sitting there, and you

found that and you picked

it up and you cleaned it

up or, compared to a 100

note that had just come

from an ATM machine, would

they have the same value?

Even though this one's

dirty and lived in a

gutter and whatever, would

they have the same value?

Yes, it's kind of

intrinsic in it, right?

I don't know if intrinsic is

the right word, but the value

is in it regardless okay?

And as a human being, we

have our value regardless

of what we're doing, okay?

And I think that trying

to understand more about

maybe your feminine and

masculine dynamics is

really helpful to allow you

to step back a bit, okay?

I think that women in

this middle age because of

careers, because of family,

because of doing it all and

trying to have it all has

meant that you've stepped

more into the masculine and

stepped out of the feminine

and it's a bit foreign.

It's a bit foreign for you to

step back, relinquish control

and allow things and receive

things and allow people to

do things for you, allow

your partner, allow your

children while you sit back

and allow that to happen.

So that's a bit of a

foreign concept, but that is

literally the feminine energy.

Okay, so let me know in the

comments below how much of

this resonates with you.

Can you see yourself

in these traits?

Can you see how they may

drive you to work longer

hours to prove yourself to

be better than maybe someone

else because then, you

know, you're good enough?

Can you see how it drives

you to do more in your

family without, saying

no to things, right?

Can you see how these

drivers are actually

making you exhausted?

Let me know in the

comments below.