1 00:00:09,391 --> 00:00:11,911 Well, Hey everybody, Jonathan Doyle with you. 2 00:00:11,911 --> 00:00:14,521 Once again, welcome friends to the daily podcast. 3 00:00:14,521 --> 00:00:15,481 I do apologize. 4 00:00:15,901 --> 00:00:18,331 I've been off the air for, I don't know, a week or so. 5 00:00:18,391 --> 00:00:19,471 Just the standard. 6 00:00:20,131 --> 00:00:23,401 Craziness and chaos of life that you guys all experienced too. 7 00:00:23,431 --> 00:00:28,591 It's all, uh, we're all experiencing the demands of a finite time 8 00:00:28,831 --> 00:00:30,571 in this temporal universe. 9 00:00:30,961 --> 00:00:33,541 I was talking to a friend on the weekend and, uh, he agreed with me 10 00:00:33,541 --> 00:00:38,711 that the single greatest commodity at this moment in history is time. 11 00:00:39,781 --> 00:00:43,351 You know, there's, uh, there's so many things you can increase in life, right? 12 00:00:43,351 --> 00:00:47,041 You can increase your learning, your knowledge, your health, your fitness, 13 00:00:47,041 --> 00:00:48,211 the quality of your relationships. 14 00:00:49,081 --> 00:00:51,811 The one thing you can't increase is time. 15 00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:53,821 So I do apologize. 16 00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,171 I love doing these podcasts. 17 00:00:55,171 --> 00:00:57,661 I love the beautiful feedback that I received from so many of you. 18 00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:01,201 So, uh, I'm back in the studio, really going to press ahead and get some good 19 00:01:01,201 --> 00:01:03,481 content out to you guys in the episodes. 20 00:01:04,171 --> 00:01:05,251 Uh, that are coming up now. 21 00:01:05,251 --> 00:01:08,011 Housekeeping as always, please make sure you've subscribed. 22 00:01:08,011 --> 00:01:08,791 I am humbled. 23 00:01:08,791 --> 00:01:10,231 I'm really quite chuffed. 24 00:01:10,621 --> 00:01:11,511 If I could use that word. 25 00:01:12,361 --> 00:01:14,911 That's a very British word, that one, but you all know what it means. 26 00:01:15,571 --> 00:01:18,991 That, uh, the podcast is growing and it's just really beautiful 27 00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:21,661 to, uh, to see it reaching more and more people around the world. 28 00:01:21,661 --> 00:01:24,121 So please subscribe, share it with friends and family. 29 00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:26,881 Chuck it on your social media feeds place. 30 00:01:26,881 --> 00:01:27,631 It gently. 31 00:01:27,631 --> 00:01:30,901 If you want to, rather than Chuck it, you can just place it gently 32 00:01:30,931 --> 00:01:32,211 on your social media feeds. 33 00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:47,641 And I'd also love you to go and check out all the, uh, the show notes. 34 00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:48,391 See the links. 35 00:01:48,391 --> 00:01:50,701 There is a cornucopia, a plethora. 36 00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:53,581 Of links here on the podcast version. 37 00:01:54,091 --> 00:01:55,141 Uh, there's all sorts of things. 38 00:01:55,141 --> 00:01:58,351 You can jump across to the YouTube channel where I do a YouTube version of this. 39 00:01:58,861 --> 00:02:00,411 If you're interested, the YouTube version Judas. 40 00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,131 Uh, adjust shorter. 41 00:02:02,191 --> 00:02:04,771 I just try and do a shorter version on the YouTube platform. 42 00:02:05,161 --> 00:02:07,951 And of course, on rumble, there's a lot of other links you can get free 43 00:02:07,951 --> 00:02:09,631 access to my book, bridging the gap. 44 00:02:09,661 --> 00:02:11,521 You can book me to speak live. 45 00:02:11,911 --> 00:02:14,431 You can find out about coaching and of course you can check 46 00:02:14,431 --> 00:02:16,021 out Karen's masterclass. 47 00:02:16,021 --> 00:02:18,181 Karen, my wife does an incredible masterclass. 48 00:02:18,661 --> 00:02:20,671 Program for women all over the world. 49 00:02:20,671 --> 00:02:24,181 So, um, If you happened to find that you are in fact female. 50 00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:28,441 And that you are interested in growing and, uh, experiencing more 51 00:02:28,441 --> 00:02:32,011 of the rich tapestry of life than go and check out Karen's masterclass. 52 00:02:32,011 --> 00:02:34,201 There's tons of great information on that link friends. 53 00:02:34,711 --> 00:02:39,411 Tomorrow, I'm going to be speaking at a live event on the topic of resilience. 54 00:02:40,111 --> 00:02:42,811 And I thought, what better way both to prepare myself. 55 00:02:44,161 --> 00:02:46,831 And to offer you guys something then to kind of flesh out some of 56 00:02:46,831 --> 00:02:48,001 what I'm going to be talking about. 57 00:02:48,391 --> 00:02:50,251 I think it's a really topical issue. 58 00:02:50,251 --> 00:02:52,411 I think all of us at different points in life. 59 00:02:52,711 --> 00:02:57,751 I could use a bit of a booster shot to use a topical term. 60 00:02:57,751 --> 00:03:01,141 If you will, uh, of resilience, it's a real buzzword. 61 00:03:01,141 --> 00:03:01,951 What does it mean? 62 00:03:01,951 --> 00:03:03,001 How do we increase it? 63 00:03:03,001 --> 00:03:07,111 Do we even need So look, I'm going to jump in with a few thoughts here. 64 00:03:07,891 --> 00:03:09,151 I think it is an important topic. 65 00:03:09,151 --> 00:03:11,401 I think it's something that's useful for us to have our heads 66 00:03:11,401 --> 00:03:13,051 around and to be thinking about. 67 00:03:13,591 --> 00:03:16,771 Uh, how it impacts our lives and how we can improve in this area. 68 00:03:17,071 --> 00:03:20,161 The first thing I wanted to share with you simply is that resilience 69 00:03:20,221 --> 00:03:22,711 regionally comes to us from science. 70 00:03:22,711 --> 00:03:24,631 It's not really a sociological term. 71 00:03:25,081 --> 00:03:28,411 Or a mental health or psychological term, it actually comes from, from 72 00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:34,831 science and it describes the ability of an object to regain its shape after it 73 00:03:34,831 --> 00:03:38,401 experiences some application of force. 74 00:03:38,761 --> 00:03:41,811 So one way to think about this would be to be imagined a spring, right? 75 00:03:42,601 --> 00:03:43,471 A big spring. 76 00:03:43,471 --> 00:03:48,211 And as you press that spring down, there is a change in its shape. 77 00:03:48,241 --> 00:03:53,311 But as the pressure is released, It returns back to its normal 78 00:03:54,331 --> 00:03:57,841 So that is what resilience means in the scientific literature. 79 00:03:57,841 --> 00:04:03,061 It's the ability to, to bounce back, to reform to the original shape. 80 00:04:03,361 --> 00:04:06,271 So in contrast, you can imagine a balloon, right? 81 00:04:06,271 --> 00:04:06,911 It starts off 82 00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:11,251 As a small piece of, uh, of plastic or rubber it's inflated. 83 00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:16,171 It changes its shape, but if you apply enough force to it, you completely 84 00:04:16,171 --> 00:04:17,791 obliterate the shape, right. 85 00:04:17,821 --> 00:04:22,051 It sort of just completely implodes and can tear into different pieces. 86 00:04:22,051 --> 00:04:22,311 So. 87 00:04:22,711 --> 00:04:24,691 You could say that the balloon doesn't have a lot of 88 00:04:24,691 --> 00:04:26,411 resilience, but the spring does. 89 00:04:26,971 --> 00:04:29,491 So, of course, as this applies to us, what does it mean? 90 00:04:29,521 --> 00:04:33,901 Well, I guess it's the ability of each of us to return, to shape, 91 00:04:33,961 --> 00:04:38,791 to return to our ideal shape after the application of force. 92 00:04:38,971 --> 00:04:40,321 And what is the application of force? 93 00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:41,161 Well, it's basically. 94 00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:42,311 Stress. 95 00:04:42,721 --> 00:04:46,141 Various forms could be grief, could be lost, could be work pressure, 96 00:04:46,171 --> 00:04:48,001 family pressure, health issues. 97 00:04:48,511 --> 00:04:51,991 All the different travails and challenges of life. 98 00:04:52,591 --> 00:04:54,111 The cause us to experience. 99 00:04:55,081 --> 00:04:59,401 Negative circumstances that, uh, place us under pressure. 100 00:04:59,401 --> 00:05:04,891 So resilience is the ability of each of us as human persons to return, 101 00:05:04,891 --> 00:05:08,941 to shape, to bounce back from the difficulties and challenges of life. 102 00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:09,271 So. 103 00:05:09,901 --> 00:05:12,751 One of the things I wanted to address tomorrow in the live 104 00:05:12,751 --> 00:05:14,671 event is why this is so topical. 105 00:05:15,301 --> 00:05:16,511 I mean, for those of us that are a bit 106 00:05:17,461 --> 00:05:19,711 It's not a word that we kind of grew up with. 107 00:05:19,741 --> 00:05:20,851 You wouldn't have heard it much. 108 00:05:20,851 --> 00:05:23,851 I definitely never heard it much as a, as a child or a teenager, even 109 00:05:23,881 --> 00:05:27,271 in my twenties probably wouldn't have been until my thirties that 110 00:05:27,271 --> 00:05:29,011 I began to hear about it more. 111 00:05:29,821 --> 00:05:33,121 And I guess it's got strong connections and applications to 112 00:05:33,121 --> 00:05:34,681 the world of mental health and. 113 00:05:35,281 --> 00:05:38,461 I guess as I was preparing, I thought, why is this so topical now? 114 00:05:38,461 --> 00:05:40,011 And it's, I think it's worth understanding that. 115 00:05:40,891 --> 00:05:47,131 Is the great growth in mental health challenges and pathologies that we see, 116 00:05:47,131 --> 00:05:48,411 particularly in the developed world. 117 00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:53,281 I think you're an outgrowth of a range of environmental factors 118 00:05:53,281 --> 00:05:54,421 that are worth remembering. 119 00:05:54,661 --> 00:05:56,191 So I would put it down to. 120 00:05:57,211 --> 00:05:58,831 I'm going to suggest two main factors. 121 00:05:58,831 --> 00:06:04,591 One would be a vast, vast, unprecedented growth in complexity. 122 00:06:05,161 --> 00:06:09,121 So if I often say that, you know, We've been a species for about 123 00:06:09,121 --> 00:06:15,061 350,000 years as, as homo sapiens sapiens, about 350,000 years. 124 00:06:15,691 --> 00:06:18,211 Up until you know, about the industrial revolution. 125 00:06:19,111 --> 00:06:19,951 1860s. 126 00:06:19,951 --> 00:06:22,811 We tended to live in small communities of people. 127 00:06:23,791 --> 00:06:28,311 You had relatively limited choices in terms of education in Korea. 128 00:06:29,011 --> 00:06:31,951 You were very limited options in terms of travel. 129 00:06:31,981 --> 00:06:33,241 Now, there are always outliers. 130 00:06:33,241 --> 00:06:34,711 There were always men and women who were. 131 00:06:35,371 --> 00:06:38,251 Taking great journeys or had access to greater wealth and could 132 00:06:38,251 --> 00:06:41,011 have more experiences, but the vast majority of us as a species. 133 00:06:42,031 --> 00:06:46,011 Tended to stay in the one Do the one kind of thing each day. 134 00:06:46,711 --> 00:06:49,411 And be surrounded by the same people for the vast majority of our lives. 135 00:06:50,311 --> 00:06:53,431 We could say, well, that must've been boring or maybe that wasn't that great. 136 00:06:53,821 --> 00:06:58,201 But what we can also say is that it gave a great, be a great deal of stability 137 00:06:58,201 --> 00:07:00,211 and predictability to our lives. 138 00:07:00,661 --> 00:07:01,011 And it. 139 00:07:01,141 --> 00:07:04,201 Um, it obviously created very strong social bonds, right? 140 00:07:04,201 --> 00:07:07,681 So we, we came to rely very deeply upon each other because our 141 00:07:07,681 --> 00:07:11,111 survival health and wellbeing really relied on the people around us. 142 00:07:11,881 --> 00:07:14,281 Those social connections were compromised. 143 00:07:14,341 --> 00:07:16,321 Uh, very existence could be compromised. 144 00:07:16,321 --> 00:07:18,301 So this is my way of saying that. 145 00:07:18,811 --> 00:07:23,041 The way that we have existed as a species has radically changed, radically 146 00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:25,351 changed in a very short space of time. 147 00:07:25,771 --> 00:07:28,891 So while not being a mental health professional, I would 148 00:07:28,951 --> 00:07:32,551 posit that a significant amount of the mental health challenges 149 00:07:32,551 --> 00:07:34,141 that we're seeing have a strong. 150 00:07:34,681 --> 00:07:39,241 Environmental basis in terms of the complexity of our modern societies, 151 00:07:39,271 --> 00:07:41,251 the neural load by neuro load. 152 00:07:41,281 --> 00:07:41,411 I mean, 153 00:07:42,181 --> 00:07:47,371 The sheer weight of distraction and information bearing down 154 00:07:47,371 --> 00:07:51,911 upon our neural systems, creating these vast networks of complexity. 155 00:07:52,891 --> 00:07:57,601 And at the same time as the social support that we once experienced on a daily 156 00:07:57,601 --> 00:07:59,941 basis has also been somewhat compromised. 157 00:08:00,091 --> 00:08:04,021 Are you hearing So we've got more and more complexity, less and less social support. 158 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,001 So it's not surprising. 159 00:08:06,031 --> 00:08:09,481 I would suggest that a significant number of us at different times 160 00:08:09,511 --> 00:08:11,611 can question our ability to cope. 161 00:08:12,331 --> 00:08:17,011 And so this resilience thing becomes, you know, more relevant perhaps than 162 00:08:17,041 --> 00:08:18,571 it's been in other times in history. 163 00:08:19,171 --> 00:08:23,341 I remember recently reading a long-form article from the sociologist. 164 00:08:23,341 --> 00:08:24,601 Frank Who. 165 00:08:25,561 --> 00:08:29,811 Who made the point that in previous areas of history, when there was crisis. 166 00:08:30,631 --> 00:08:34,531 Like pandemics or wars or natural disasters. 167 00:08:34,531 --> 00:08:39,211 He said people definitely saw them as highly problematic and undesirable. 168 00:08:39,841 --> 00:08:43,561 But he said that they also simultaneously saw them as forms of opportunity. 169 00:08:43,951 --> 00:08:48,721 And he said that a lot of what's happening for postmoderns for us guys 170 00:08:48,721 --> 00:08:54,811 is that when difficulty and crisis hits, we're not seeing opportunity 171 00:08:54,811 --> 00:08:58,511 where quite fear based non that's not, everybody's not everybody listening. 172 00:08:59,041 --> 00:09:03,841 But if you think about the kind of mainstream media narratives that we're 173 00:09:03,841 --> 00:09:07,141 given, which is kind of, you know, fear sells, it's the old saying about. 174 00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:10,591 You know, headlines, if it, uh, if it bleeds, it leads right. 175 00:09:10,621 --> 00:09:12,061 If something scary. 176 00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:16,111 Can be mainstreamed can be placed in front of us all the time. 177 00:09:16,111 --> 00:09:17,911 I'm much more likely to pay attention. 178 00:09:18,421 --> 00:09:21,451 And always remember that we're living in an attention economy, right. 179 00:09:21,451 --> 00:09:22,911 We live in an attention economy. 180 00:09:23,431 --> 00:09:27,091 So mainstream media, particularly and large corporations 181 00:09:27,091 --> 00:09:29,011 understand that by selling fear. 182 00:09:29,521 --> 00:09:31,861 Uh, they're much more likely to gain our attention. 183 00:09:32,341 --> 00:09:33,661 So you put all these pieces together. 184 00:09:33,661 --> 00:09:38,011 I just think we've got less social connection, more complexity, more fear. 185 00:09:38,401 --> 00:09:40,011 Uh, well, abstract fear, right? 186 00:09:40,411 --> 00:09:41,431 And more abstract fee. 187 00:09:41,491 --> 00:09:43,261 I mean, uh, we've never lived longer. 188 00:09:43,261 --> 00:09:45,061 We've never had a better quality of life. 189 00:09:45,091 --> 00:09:49,381 We've never had better health really in terms of, you know, um, you know, 190 00:09:49,561 --> 00:09:53,411 how long we live and the general access to health and healthcare. 191 00:09:54,091 --> 00:09:58,351 But at the same time, there's just this sense of pervasive fear. 192 00:09:58,351 --> 00:09:59,341 And what if, right. 193 00:09:59,401 --> 00:10:01,611 So that's where I think the resilience things becoming more important. 194 00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:03,781 So, what do we do? 195 00:10:04,411 --> 00:10:05,461 Well, let's just quickly summary. 196 00:10:05,461 --> 00:10:06,241 What have we got so far? 197 00:10:06,241 --> 00:10:09,721 What is resilience a, uh, the ability to bounce back into 198 00:10:09,721 --> 00:10:11,251 shape after pressure's applied? 199 00:10:11,731 --> 00:10:12,811 Why is it relevant? 200 00:10:12,811 --> 00:10:16,561 Because we're living in this complex demanding fear-based time. 201 00:10:16,561 --> 00:10:19,811 That's going to require some new skillsets from us and Hey, before I forget. 202 00:10:20,701 --> 00:10:24,391 I should mention Take some heart Let me tell you the good 203 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:25,921 news, the good news is that. 204 00:10:26,311 --> 00:10:32,671 Without doubt, my friend, we are the most resilient species in planetary history. 205 00:10:33,121 --> 00:10:34,471 We are the apex predator. 206 00:10:34,621 --> 00:10:35,881 If you'd like to put it that way. 207 00:10:36,091 --> 00:10:41,371 Uh, we find You know, we find a way it's very popular these days to. 208 00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:46,621 To bash Western culture and to complain about all forms of, uh, 209 00:10:46,651 --> 00:10:49,861 you know, issues and problems and this, that, and the other. 210 00:10:49,861 --> 00:10:53,611 But let's remember humans are an incredible species. 211 00:10:54,061 --> 00:10:57,481 The fact that we, you know, there's 7 billion of us on the planet and we 212 00:10:57,481 --> 00:10:59,191 haven't yet all killed each other. 213 00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:02,971 The fact that we do find ways to cooperate the fact that we do overcome 214 00:11:03,001 --> 00:11:07,311 all sorts of difficult economic, environmental, medical challenges. 215 00:11:08,011 --> 00:11:10,381 Take some hot, we're pretty amazing species. 216 00:11:10,381 --> 00:11:14,581 And now we're sort of getting ready to look at interplanetary travel. 217 00:11:14,581 --> 00:11:17,551 So yeah, there's plenty to be concerned about, but let's also 218 00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:21,781 realize that we're also a species that figures things out and gets it done. 219 00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:22,171 So. 220 00:11:22,741 --> 00:11:25,621 You're part of that species so that stuff's in you as well. 221 00:11:25,681 --> 00:11:26,411 That's pristine. 222 00:11:27,031 --> 00:11:28,611 Uh, I wanted to say. 223 00:11:29,341 --> 00:11:33,061 The next thing about resilience is to be gentle with ourselves because 224 00:11:33,421 --> 00:11:36,271 there is mystery in the human person. 225 00:11:37,051 --> 00:11:38,431 Every one of us is different. 226 00:11:38,461 --> 00:11:41,491 Every one of us has different personalities and very 227 00:11:41,491 --> 00:11:42,511 different life experiences. 228 00:11:43,201 --> 00:11:46,201 Some of us have experienced extraordinary trauma, some of us less. 229 00:11:46,231 --> 00:11:48,661 So some of us have different brain structure. 230 00:11:48,691 --> 00:11:51,331 We just have a totally different neural wiring. 231 00:11:51,991 --> 00:11:55,171 So, whether you feel that you are the most resilient person on 232 00:11:55,171 --> 00:11:58,511 the planet or the least resilient person listening to today's podcast. 233 00:11:59,011 --> 00:11:59,641 Take heart. 234 00:11:59,671 --> 00:12:00,511 We're all different. 235 00:12:00,631 --> 00:12:01,471 Um, there's no. 236 00:12:01,981 --> 00:12:03,421 Absolute perfection. 237 00:12:03,421 --> 00:12:03,711 There's no. 238 00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:06,631 Sort of strategy or person that's worked at all out. 239 00:12:07,171 --> 00:12:10,411 That's kind of self some slack because we're all on a journey towards growth. 240 00:12:10,411 --> 00:12:12,091 We're all sort of trying to improve. 241 00:12:12,091 --> 00:12:13,621 That's why you're listening to this podcast. 242 00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:17,491 So let's realize that, you know, it's, it's complex. 243 00:12:17,491 --> 00:12:18,901 You know, when I speak tomorrow, the room's going to 244 00:12:18,901 --> 00:12:19,711 be full of so many different 245 00:12:20,821 --> 00:12:25,051 And their ability to be become more resilient or their journey of 246 00:12:25,051 --> 00:12:28,171 resilience so far, it's going to be predicated on so many things. 247 00:12:28,171 --> 00:12:28,311 So. 248 00:12:28,951 --> 00:12:30,181 Let's not be hard on ourselves. 249 00:12:30,211 --> 00:12:30,451 Okay. 250 00:12:30,481 --> 00:12:30,711 Because. 251 00:12:31,531 --> 00:12:35,851 The full sort of Panorama of our journey is just that it's a huge. 252 00:12:36,481 --> 00:12:38,551 Big tapestry of things that have shaped us. 253 00:12:38,581 --> 00:12:40,951 And we just got to do the best we can with what we have. 254 00:12:40,951 --> 00:12:42,211 So let me give you some practical things. 255 00:12:43,021 --> 00:12:44,581 That I'm going to be talking about tomorrow. 256 00:12:44,701 --> 00:12:45,511 First thing on resilience. 257 00:12:46,531 --> 00:12:49,081 I don't think we can go far past Viktor Frankl. 258 00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,961 And his book man's search for meaning. 259 00:12:51,991 --> 00:12:53,881 I talk about it very frequently on the show. 260 00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:55,201 If you've never heard of it. 261 00:12:55,231 --> 00:12:58,471 Viktor Frankl was a Viennese psychotherapist. 262 00:12:58,891 --> 00:13:01,831 He started the third school of VNS psychotherapy. 263 00:13:01,861 --> 00:13:05,761 We had Freud first, then young Carl Young started the second Viennese school. 264 00:13:06,241 --> 00:13:10,741 And Victor Frankel eventually was the progenitor of the third Viennese 265 00:13:10,741 --> 00:13:14,251 school of psychotherapy, which of course was logotherapy from the 266 00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:16,681 Greek logos, which means story. 267 00:13:17,101 --> 00:13:22,741 So Frankel sort of developed this incredible psychotherapy model based on 268 00:13:23,251 --> 00:13:25,201 the stories that we tell ourselves, right? 269 00:13:25,261 --> 00:13:29,131 The, the internal dialogue that we have and how we describe 270 00:13:29,131 --> 00:13:30,211 the world to ourselves. 271 00:13:30,211 --> 00:13:31,411 What's this got to do with you? 272 00:13:31,741 --> 00:13:33,121 What's it got to do with resilience. 273 00:13:33,121 --> 00:13:34,651 And what is the relevance of his book? 274 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,361 Man's search for meaning. 275 00:13:36,841 --> 00:13:38,511 Well, of course, many of you would know Victor Frankl. 276 00:13:39,451 --> 00:13:42,121 It was captured in the second world war, along with his family 277 00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:46,911 members and was sent to the Nazi extermination camp of Auschwitz. 278 00:13:47,041 --> 00:13:50,011 Uh, his parents and his sister were sent to the gas chambers. 279 00:13:50,701 --> 00:13:54,211 He survived and long story short, he. 280 00:13:55,291 --> 00:14:01,021 Spent a huge amount of time Incredibly intolerable, evil 281 00:14:01,021 --> 00:14:03,631 place, observing human behavior. 282 00:14:03,631 --> 00:14:04,021 Why? 283 00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:05,221 Because he was a psychotherapist. 284 00:14:05,221 --> 00:14:10,531 He was highly trained Long story short, he decided that his thesis was 285 00:14:10,531 --> 00:14:14,161 that there was basically two kinds of people in the extermination camps. 286 00:14:14,161 --> 00:14:14,731 You said there was. 287 00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:20,191 The vast majority of people who could find no meaning in their suffering. 288 00:14:20,251 --> 00:14:21,121 Absolutely numb. 289 00:14:21,751 --> 00:14:24,211 It was for them, it just felt completely arbitrary. 290 00:14:24,241 --> 00:14:26,851 There was no justification for it. 291 00:14:26,851 --> 00:14:28,081 There was no meaning to it. 292 00:14:28,081 --> 00:14:31,211 It just felt so random, brutal, unfair, and arbitrary. 293 00:14:31,981 --> 00:14:35,191 And he said, these people tended to tragically die very quickly. 294 00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:37,201 Some of them tragically took their own lives. 295 00:14:37,651 --> 00:14:42,841 Um, many of them just got sick and, uh, and sort of became very 296 00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:45,001 weak and died much more quickly. 297 00:14:45,001 --> 00:14:47,281 And he said there was this small group of people. 298 00:14:47,911 --> 00:14:52,861 Who he wouldn't say flourished, but who really survived strongly? 299 00:14:52,861 --> 00:14:58,311 He said simply because they were able to find a compelling meaning. 300 00:14:58,711 --> 00:15:00,301 In their suffering. 301 00:15:00,871 --> 00:15:02,511 And this was his basic thesis that. 302 00:15:03,211 --> 00:15:06,481 It was not so much what was happening to you in your life, but 303 00:15:06,481 --> 00:15:08,911 how you described it to yourself. 304 00:15:09,811 --> 00:15:12,091 And the meaning that you could find in it. 305 00:15:12,571 --> 00:15:16,951 And he said that those who forest with those who could find an empowering meaning 306 00:15:16,951 --> 00:15:18,211 in whatever they were going through. 307 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,941 Now, let me jump across here to a quote that I wanted to share 308 00:15:20,941 --> 00:15:22,441 with you from Amanda Ripley. 309 00:15:22,441 --> 00:15:24,511 She says this resilience is a precious. 310 00:15:25,321 --> 00:15:26,971 Skill interesting. 311 00:15:26,971 --> 00:15:27,841 She says skill, right? 312 00:15:27,871 --> 00:15:30,111 She doesn't say it's something you necessarily born with. 313 00:15:30,751 --> 00:15:31,981 Resilience is a precious skill. 314 00:15:32,011 --> 00:15:32,491 She goes on. 315 00:15:32,521 --> 00:15:38,211 She says this people who have it tend to also have three underlying advantages. 316 00:15:39,061 --> 00:15:43,831 Uh, belief that they can influence life events, a tendency to find 317 00:15:43,861 --> 00:15:45,311 meaningful purpose in life's. 318 00:15:45,751 --> 00:15:49,741 Turmoil and the conviction that they can learn from both 319 00:15:49,771 --> 00:15:52,411 positive and negative experiences. 320 00:15:52,981 --> 00:15:54,331 Okay, let me pass that for you. 321 00:15:54,331 --> 00:15:55,261 Three things there. 322 00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:58,171 The belief that they can influence life events. 323 00:15:58,171 --> 00:16:02,011 So that The movement out of learned helplessness member 324 00:16:02,041 --> 00:16:03,541 learned helplessness experiments. 325 00:16:03,541 --> 00:16:04,681 They did these experiments. 326 00:16:05,161 --> 00:16:10,321 In the mid to late 20th century, where, you know, if rats, they were 327 00:16:10,321 --> 00:16:13,201 sort of doing these electrical shock tests on rats, poor little rats. 328 00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:18,541 And the rats that couldn't influence what was happening, just caught up in a bowl 329 00:16:18,541 --> 00:16:22,321 and basically died because they couldn't figure out how to change anything. 330 00:16:22,771 --> 00:16:25,711 Whereas the rats that could figure out how to change the shock system 331 00:16:26,191 --> 00:16:27,751 survived and did fine, right. 332 00:16:27,781 --> 00:16:30,391 They even sort of did brain scans and all sorts of stuff. 333 00:16:30,391 --> 00:16:34,081 And it's what they call learned helplessness and a sense of agency. 334 00:16:34,681 --> 00:16:38,101 The belief that no matter how bad things are, you can still do something right. 335 00:16:38,551 --> 00:16:41,341 So this is tying into this whole rebuilt resilience piece. 336 00:16:41,341 --> 00:16:44,641 It's tying into what Frankel's talking about, finding meaning the 337 00:16:44,641 --> 00:16:46,311 belief that you can influence stuff. 338 00:16:46,771 --> 00:16:49,861 Uh, second part here in Amanda Ripley's quote, she says the ability 339 00:16:49,861 --> 00:16:51,411 to find a meaningful purpose. 340 00:16:51,841 --> 00:16:53,221 In life's turmoil. 341 00:16:53,251 --> 00:16:54,121 Cause there is turmoil. 342 00:16:54,121 --> 00:16:54,481 All right. 343 00:16:54,811 --> 00:16:57,481 I'll be saying this tomorrow, you live long enough and you're 344 00:16:57,481 --> 00:17:00,121 going to find some turmoil and then none of us get off for free. 345 00:17:00,151 --> 00:17:00,451 Right. 346 00:17:01,201 --> 00:17:02,521 It's it can be better or worse. 347 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:06,121 We can all have different experiences, but there is challenge and difficulty in life. 348 00:17:06,511 --> 00:17:08,461 But what these people are talking about is finding a meaning. 349 00:17:08,491 --> 00:17:09,151 What is the meaning? 350 00:17:09,151 --> 00:17:09,931 How do you find one? 351 00:17:10,891 --> 00:17:14,281 Well, put You know, if something's really hard in your life. 352 00:17:14,521 --> 00:17:17,101 You can describe it to yourself in any number of ways, right? 353 00:17:17,131 --> 00:17:20,161 You can say, well, this is hard because God hates me. 354 00:17:20,161 --> 00:17:21,001 And I'm a really bad person. 355 00:17:21,031 --> 00:17:21,311 I'm being punished. 356 00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,161 That's a meaning, right? 357 00:17:23,191 --> 00:17:24,241 That is a genuine meaning. 358 00:17:24,931 --> 00:17:28,861 The other meaning you can have is this is testing me so I can 359 00:17:28,861 --> 00:17:32,511 grow deeper in spiritual trust and teach others in the future. 360 00:17:33,151 --> 00:17:35,221 Now there you got the exact same event. 361 00:17:35,251 --> 00:17:37,411 You just got two radically different explanations. 362 00:17:37,951 --> 00:17:40,111 And I know some people always push back at this point and they're 363 00:17:40,141 --> 00:17:41,431 like, well, this is just crazy talk. 364 00:17:41,431 --> 00:17:42,541 You can't really live this way. 365 00:17:42,541 --> 00:17:43,591 That's not how things work. 366 00:17:44,071 --> 00:17:45,931 And I go, you know what I actually think it is. 367 00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:50,671 I think you can find a compelling meaning to difficult circumstances. 368 00:17:50,671 --> 00:17:54,151 If you're prepared to think about it, journal about it, do the work, go for 369 00:17:54,151 --> 00:17:56,411 a long walk and find a better meaning. 370 00:17:57,031 --> 00:18:04,081 Um, You know, I had a friend back in 2008 who got really badly hit in the Uh, 371 00:18:04,081 --> 00:18:07,981 the major GFC, rather global financial crisis is somebody that, um, you know, 372 00:18:07,981 --> 00:18:08,811 took her, it took a real beating. 373 00:18:10,261 --> 00:18:12,211 And I remember talking to them when it was all going down. 374 00:18:13,171 --> 00:18:16,921 I remember them saying to me, I'm coming back stronger. 375 00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:19,351 And I just heard this conviction in their voice knows like 376 00:18:19,411 --> 00:18:21,601 I have absolutely no doubt. 377 00:18:21,631 --> 00:18:22,211 That's true. 378 00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:27,211 It was like here, they were going through this awful experience, but basically 379 00:18:27,211 --> 00:18:31,411 making this resolution to themselves that they were going to come back stronger. 380 00:18:32,341 --> 00:18:34,531 So there was plenty of turmoil. 381 00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:37,381 There's plenty of negativity, but they found a purpose. 382 00:18:37,381 --> 00:18:37,741 Okay. 383 00:18:37,831 --> 00:18:41,161 And the final thing she says It's a conviction that you can learn from 384 00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:43,051 both positive and negative experiences. 385 00:18:43,711 --> 00:18:44,731 That's important. 386 00:18:44,761 --> 00:18:47,311 Like the belief that, Hey, if something goes really well awesome. 387 00:18:47,311 --> 00:18:48,151 What did I learn here? 388 00:18:48,181 --> 00:18:50,071 Well, you know, what, what, how can I get more of this? 389 00:18:50,491 --> 00:18:52,831 If something negative happens it's what can I learn from this? 390 00:18:52,861 --> 00:18:54,901 How can I make sure there's less of this in the future? 391 00:18:55,381 --> 00:19:00,211 So you see permeating all of this is agency, right agency, the belief that 392 00:19:00,211 --> 00:19:04,111 you can control things that you do have a voice that you can do stuff. 393 00:19:04,771 --> 00:19:05,011 All right. 394 00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:08,161 So that's the whole Frankel piece, the determining meaning piece. 395 00:19:08,161 --> 00:19:09,181 How do you build resilience? 396 00:19:09,511 --> 00:19:12,241 You determine, meaning you get deliberate and conscious 397 00:19:12,241 --> 00:19:16,211 and specific about determining meaning when things go sideways. 398 00:19:17,041 --> 00:19:17,711 Last thing. 399 00:19:18,451 --> 00:19:21,391 Is tomorrow I'm going to be trying to I'll move it to a practical 400 00:19:21,391 --> 00:19:23,881 point at the end, which is to say to people, okay, how do you build 401 00:19:24,781 --> 00:19:26,511 How do you actually get more of this in your life? 402 00:19:27,181 --> 00:19:30,751 And I think the way you do it is very Aristotelian. 403 00:19:30,751 --> 00:19:35,311 So my post-grad background was very much in the Aristotelian ethics. 404 00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:38,161 And if you look at Aristotle's kind of take. 405 00:19:38,881 --> 00:19:42,421 On developing virtue and character, he would always say that you do it. 406 00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:43,951 In the small things. 407 00:19:43,951 --> 00:19:46,411 The famous question for Aristotle was he was asked to 408 00:19:46,411 --> 00:19:48,061 how does the courageous person. 409 00:19:48,571 --> 00:19:51,991 You know, become courageous because the Greeks were really interested. 410 00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:57,961 In where the courage, for example, or you know, or creativity or artistic 411 00:19:57,961 --> 00:20:01,111 ability, they were really curious whether people were just born with those things. 412 00:20:01,531 --> 00:20:03,061 Or whether they develop them, right. 413 00:20:03,211 --> 00:20:07,051 Nature versus sort So Aristotle was asked, how does the courageous 414 00:20:07,051 --> 00:20:08,711 person become courageous? 415 00:20:09,181 --> 00:20:13,911 And Aristotle famously said they do courageous things, right? 416 00:20:14,941 --> 00:20:18,961 So at the bedrock of this Greek metaphysics, this Greek 417 00:20:18,961 --> 00:20:20,311 sort of perception of reality. 418 00:20:20,941 --> 00:20:22,611 Was we become what we do. 419 00:20:23,281 --> 00:20:26,491 So that if we like we practice being courageous over time, 420 00:20:26,491 --> 00:20:28,321 we become a courageous person. 421 00:20:28,771 --> 00:20:30,871 So, how do you practice resilience? 422 00:20:30,901 --> 00:20:34,411 You practice it in the small, small, small things. 423 00:20:35,191 --> 00:20:38,431 So that when the big moments come, you've got something to draw them. 424 00:20:38,701 --> 00:20:39,271 So. 425 00:20:39,751 --> 00:20:44,911 Um, when you have small setbacks, When you have, I guess one of the ways that 426 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:48,391 I've done it over the years is through huge amounts of physical training. 427 00:20:48,391 --> 00:20:48,411 Right? 428 00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:51,271 I'm doing so much physical training that. 429 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,391 I learned to press on when it was painful. 430 00:20:54,631 --> 00:20:56,641 I mean, that's what ultra marathons taught me. 431 00:20:56,641 --> 00:20:56,911 Right. 432 00:20:56,941 --> 00:20:57,301 Was. 433 00:20:57,961 --> 00:21:00,241 It's not really about fitness after a while. 434 00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:02,221 It's you've got the baseline fitness. 435 00:21:02,251 --> 00:21:03,541 It's about pain management. 436 00:21:03,571 --> 00:21:07,171 It's about the ability to press on when you don't feel like pressing on. 437 00:21:07,861 --> 00:21:12,241 So resilience is built in these small situations of your life. 438 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:17,411 The ability to do hard things when you don't want to do hard things. 439 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:18,871 All right. 440 00:21:19,621 --> 00:21:22,381 That may explain why so many people are struggling with it because we 441 00:21:22,381 --> 00:21:26,111 are a culture at the moment that doesn't really enjoy hard things. 442 00:21:26,551 --> 00:21:28,891 We like Netflix and we like. 443 00:21:30,031 --> 00:21:30,931 You know, what is it? 444 00:21:30,991 --> 00:21:36,451 You know, Uber eats We like being able to press a button on our phone. 445 00:21:36,901 --> 00:21:40,411 And have some random stranger turned up at I house with a cheeseburger. 446 00:21:40,801 --> 00:21:41,101 Okay. 447 00:21:41,581 --> 00:21:44,191 We just don't like doing difficult things. 448 00:21:44,911 --> 00:21:48,391 So a lot of the people that I admire and respect, you know, 449 00:21:48,481 --> 00:21:50,011 over the years that I've followed. 450 00:21:50,761 --> 00:21:52,891 Uh, guys like cam Hanes, David Goggins. 451 00:21:52,891 --> 00:21:55,471 They fascinate me because they do hard things. 452 00:21:56,011 --> 00:21:58,741 So you don't have to go and run an ultra marathon today, but if you want 453 00:21:58,741 --> 00:22:02,851 to increase resilience, you just need to do small, hard things and just keep 454 00:22:02,881 --> 00:22:06,571 doing things that are a little bit difficult and that will help you to grow. 455 00:22:07,051 --> 00:22:08,341 There's a lot more than I want to say in it. 456 00:22:08,371 --> 00:22:11,251 I'm going to try and get a live recording tomorrow so I can post that 457 00:22:11,251 --> 00:22:12,711 for you guys, but let me do the summary. 458 00:22:13,981 --> 00:22:17,251 We are dealing with resiliency issues because of complex changes 459 00:22:17,251 --> 00:22:20,581 in human society, complexity and a breakdown in social bonds. 460 00:22:21,541 --> 00:22:23,761 Resilience means our ability to bounce back into shape. 461 00:22:24,391 --> 00:22:28,231 We're dealing with the mystery, our own personality in life experience, but thank 462 00:22:28,231 --> 00:22:29,911 you to Victor Frankel and Amanda Ripley. 463 00:22:30,781 --> 00:22:32,851 We can find meaning and hardship. 464 00:22:32,881 --> 00:22:35,611 We can choose the stories that we tell ourselves. 465 00:22:35,641 --> 00:22:36,511 What's the old saying? 466 00:22:36,931 --> 00:22:40,561 There are no more important words than the words you say to yourself about 467 00:22:40,561 --> 00:22:44,881 yourself when you are by yourself, you There are no more important words than 468 00:22:44,881 --> 00:22:48,111 the words you say to yourself about yourself when you are by yourself. 469 00:22:49,111 --> 00:22:50,511 It's that internal narrative. 470 00:22:51,121 --> 00:22:53,611 Uh, in a couple of weeks, I'm going to be interviewing my great friend, Bob 471 00:22:53,611 --> 00:22:57,781 Litwin who wrote a beautiful book on this called the best story of your life. 472 00:22:58,291 --> 00:23:00,481 You know, Bob lost his wife tragically. 473 00:23:01,111 --> 00:23:02,371 And felt his life was over. 474 00:23:02,431 --> 00:23:06,001 And just his story about telling himself a brand new story. 475 00:23:06,691 --> 00:23:09,001 And doing hard things, friends, it can be done. 476 00:23:09,031 --> 00:23:09,241 All right. 477 00:23:09,241 --> 00:23:10,201 That's a long one today. 478 00:23:10,381 --> 00:23:12,001 Uh, please go and check out all the links. 479 00:23:12,001 --> 00:23:12,301 Right? 480 00:23:12,631 --> 00:23:13,531 Book me to speak. 481 00:23:13,561 --> 00:23:14,671 Get a free copy of my book. 482 00:23:14,671 --> 00:23:15,391 It's all in the links. 483 00:23:15,481 --> 00:23:17,211 I hit the YouTube link on watch the video. 484 00:23:17,911 --> 00:23:20,971 Uh, and go and check out Karen's masterclass for women. 485 00:23:20,971 --> 00:23:21,691 It's really cool. 486 00:23:21,691 --> 00:23:22,611 There'll be a link here for that. 487 00:23:22,981 --> 00:23:25,081 All right, my friends, please make sure you're subscribed. 488 00:23:25,141 --> 00:23:26,041 God bless everybody. 489 00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,181 My name's Jonathan Doyle. 490 00:23:27,211 --> 00:23:28,711 This has been the daily podcast. 491 00:23:29,281 --> 00:23:31,011 And you and I are going to talk again tomorrow.