WEBVTT
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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Welcome, everybody.
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You're listening to "Grack Public Access."
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This is on 101.7 FM, the "Grack" in Grackleton,
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although we're a little bit outside of Grackleton this week.
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But first, let me introduce Parker.
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Parker Spoon is here as well, everyone.
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Oh, and I'm Jen DeHaan.
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Hello, Parker.
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So will the radio waves be able to penetrate the walls
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of the cave or no?
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I don't think they need to, because we're just
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recording on cassette tape before this goes out.
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So luckily--
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Oh, well, that's wonderful.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, we're just-- I've still got the cassette tape going
here.
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We're rolling, so we're recording whatever we put into
these microphones.
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Because you didn't have a radio tower on you,
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or attached to you at all.
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So I didn't know how we were broadcasting this.
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Do people walk around with radio towers attached to them,
Parker?
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You've seen this before?
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I've never seen that.
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Have you ever been sitting-- I don't know how it works,
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because whenever I-- so sometimes, you know,
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you'll get like, hi, my name's Bruce Conifer, man on the
street.
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And that's a character that I sometimes do.
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Oh, I was going to ask you, because I'm like,
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I've never heard of Bruce Conifer.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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You want to hear it?
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Sure.
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Yeah, let's hear it.
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OK.
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Ladies and gentlemen, it's me, Bruce Conifer, man on the
street.
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I'm here to do everything that you need to do.
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I'll sweep your carpet.
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I'll termite your--
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I haven't really practiced it much.
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Right.
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It was a whole--
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It's a whole thing.
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Sometimes when I'm at the supermarket or the grocery store,
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if the cashier's there, that's how I'll talk to them.
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Oh, good.
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Using that cadence and voice.
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Right.
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Right.
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I'm sure they love that.
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They're like, oh, good, one of these again.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Well, you be the cashier, and I'll be Bruce Conifer.
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OK.
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Hello, sir.
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Is this the stuff that you want to purchase today?
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I'm just going to ring you up.
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Before we start, let me introduce myself.
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And you are being recorded right now.
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Bruce Conifer, man on the street.
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I don't want to be recorded.
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I'm just trying to do my job.
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I don't get paid enough for this.
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Are you afraid of the microphone, man?
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Are you afraid of the microphone?
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I'm just going to ring in your Kool-Aid.
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You have a duty to the citizens of Grakland.
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And then I'll go like that.
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But when it's over, I will--
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usually we cry and apologize to each other,
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because we both learned something beautiful
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about each other inside.
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I think I'd be calling security, most likely.
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Well, that has happened.
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All right, so we should say where we are.
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We are in the haunted mines today.
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Our sponsor today is Ghost Away.
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So Ghost Away, you've probably seen it on some of this show.
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No, no, no, no.
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Just a product, Parker.
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Just a product.
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No.
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We said we weren't going to talk to that.
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We-- OK, Jen.
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We are in the haunted mines, though.
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Well, you said the haunted part, but haunted can mean
anything.
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It doesn't have to mean by a ghostly apparition.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And just so--
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That's true.
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That's true.
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When we do the product, we have to make sure
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that we know that ghosts aren't real and that everything's
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going to be OK.
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But especially that Ghost Away--
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I'll let you do it, but don't mention werewolves.
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And OK, sorry.
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All right.
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So yeah, we're in the haunted mines today.
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You've probably heard of the haunted mines.
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We're in Outer Grak.
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Everybody knows where the haunted mines are.
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They're actually where Barty Bundle went missing.
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So hopefully maybe we'll see Barty around here.
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At least we'll keep an eye out.
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Parker, are you doing OK over there?
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No, I'm doing fine.
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I'm just-- the wonderful thing about a mine like this
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is it seems like there might be a bat infestation.
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Yeah.
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Because I guess it's not-- it's perfectly natural, right?
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And I am sitting here.
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And I have realized now that there is--
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I think it's called guana.
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Yeah, guano, I believe.
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Guana.
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A guana.
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Sure, we can go with guana.
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It almost sounds like a guana.
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Anyway, it's bat poop.
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Yeah, it is.
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But you can grow wonderful things in it.
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And so I'm going to--
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as we're talking here, I'm going to be doing a little bit
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of a mining of my own.
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I would recommend against that, Parker.
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You probably don't want to go over there into that pile at
all.
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Naughty Parker.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Well, as long as you don't touch me or anything on this table,
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don't touch the equipment.
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OK, a little bit.
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Now I have-- so I--
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you ever do that thing where you can use the inside of your
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pockets to cut it?
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Because my pockets are so big.
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So I use the other side of my pockets to scoop,
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kind of?
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Yeah.
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And so I have--
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my pockets are now half full of bat guana.
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What are you going to grow in that, Parker?
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Guana.
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Marigolds and various wonderful flowers.
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And I plan on planting my world garden all across
Crackleton.
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I will gather up enough guana to make it
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into a wonderful world of flowers and sprites
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and other kinds of magic.
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Well, you're probably going to spend a lot of time
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in these haunted mines then to collect enough bat poop in
order
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to do that amount of gardening.
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It's OK.
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I don't mind.
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As long as you're here, I don't mind.
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Well, maybe you'll be able to solve some of the mysteries
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about this place.
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Do you want to get on to the news?
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Oh, I'd love that.
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Yeah, let's do it.
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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Because that--
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our first news story is, Crackleton's annual Corn Cake
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Bake Off Festivals delayed due to the corn bean,
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and I quote, "not quite ready."
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Not quite ready.
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All right, so Corn Cake Bake Off is getting shifted.
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That's going to make a lot of people really angry.
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Jeez.
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Do I say something about that?
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You can absolutely.
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You're the one that makes the great corn cakes.
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Everyone knows about your corn cakes.
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You've mocked them mercilessly in the past.
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They came in second to last.
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So I mean, that's not that great.
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OK, well, you just said they were great.
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I did say they were great.
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I was trying to prop you up.
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You said that, and you weren't trying to prop me up.
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Anyway, it doesn't matter.
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We know your cruelty is infamous in these parts.
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That is true.
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Yeah, I have a reputation.
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But yeah, and that's OK, because everybody
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has their own thing.
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I'm known for my dancing and several other things.
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But anyway, I'm very upset about the Corn Cake Bake Off,
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but I'm happy it was delayed because that
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way I can go because I wouldn't have been able to make it
before.
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That is true.
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Yeah, so at least you can go.
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Yeah, everybody else can be angry.
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Hopefully no one will start making stories up about Parker
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being the reason it's delayed just so--
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Not me.
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--you can go, not Parker.
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All right, our second story here, the Grac legion bingo
night
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controversy was B7 actually called twice.
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I don't really know why that's such a big deal around
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Gragilton, honestly, but Gragilton takes bingo pretty
seriously.
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Very seriously.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I have no opinion on that, and I hope that everybody
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who has been hurt by it starts the healing as soon as they can.
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Yeah, and I just heard there's a lot of punches being thrown.
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Oh, my.
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And our last story is Barty Bundle is still
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missing last scene at the Haunted Mines.
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And we actually have a dog with us today here
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called Cruneck.
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So just in case Barty shows up, we got Search Dog.
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The Search Dog will know that it's Barty.
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I mean, I know what Barty looks like, so.
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Yeah, it's-- well, having a missing person is bad enough.
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And then if they're missing in a mine, it's worse.
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And if they're missing in a haunted mine,
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it starts bringing in the world of the supernatural.
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And I can name them werewolves and sprites and gnomes
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and hobbits and astral entities and demons and wizards
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and mummies and Frankensteins monsters
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and various types of worms.
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Various types of worms?
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The pill bugs.
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Yeah, but like when worms die, they come back.
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I absolutely did not know that.
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No.
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That sounds like you're reading like a children's book
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or something.
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Yeah, that's what-- I got the idea from a children's book.
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But then it's sometimes an idea becomes true.
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Usually not the pure fiction entertainment stuff.
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Well, you have your set of beliefs and I have mine.
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And that's why this is such a wonderful country,
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because we can all believe what we want.
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That is probably the source of a lot of problems
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in this country.
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But with science and everything like that.
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[LAUGHS]
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Oh, I know.
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I am a big fan of science.
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I love scientists.
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And everybody from the beautiful scientists
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like Isaac Newton, who was apparently a very eccentric man
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to the wonderful national treasure of Poland, Marie Curie,
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who was a wonderful, wonderful lady,
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to modern day scientists like Julia Child and other
wonderful
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people like that.
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Well, hopefully Barty hasn't got mixed up
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with anything supernatural or whatever.
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Do you think that Barty's even still here?
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I don't think Barty's around the haunted mines.
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I mean, it's been a while.
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Barty just went missing while other people
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were walking through here.
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I'm not convinced Barty's still around here anyways.
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Crewnecks just sleeping.
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So--
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I sound wonderfully sleeping being off the dream land.
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Well, surprising for a Belgian malinois.
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Like, I don't know if anybody else knows about these
Belgian,
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but they're like alligator dogs.
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They're snappy as hell.
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Several times, I've--
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on the way into the mine, you might notice that my--
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I've tied a tourniquet to my lower leg.
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And that's as a result of the snappiness.
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And the fact that I--
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Oh, well, that would do it.
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I mean, these dogs are--
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they should really not even be classified as dogs,
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a Belgian malinois.
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I mean, they're good at what they do,
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but they also do a lot of stuff that they shouldn't do.
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And that's when we get into trouble.
00:11:17.480 --> 00:11:19.200
Like, eating liverwurst socks.
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Like, yeah, someone's showing up with liverwurst socks.
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And there wasn't--
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so before this happened, I was at the deli.
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And I had a little liverwurst accident on my hands.
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And so I wiped it on my socks.
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That's how--
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And so that's one time.
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And--
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Well, yeah, I mean, the socks are the part
00:11:39.360 --> 00:11:40.320
that no one looks at.
00:11:40.320 --> 00:11:41.320
So you just wipe it on the socks.
00:11:41.320 --> 00:11:42.600
Oh, if you don't have a napkin.
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I was just going to say, you should go find a napkin
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or something.
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Yeah.
00:11:45.240 --> 00:11:45.800
OK.
00:11:45.800 --> 00:11:46.360
Yeah.
00:11:46.360 --> 00:11:47.360
Anyway, I'm OK.
00:11:47.360 --> 00:11:48.680
I'm just bleeding.
00:11:48.680 --> 00:11:51.480
I mean, I can see it kind of going through your tourniquet
00:11:51.480 --> 00:11:51.880
there.
00:11:51.880 --> 00:11:55.000
Trigger warning if anybody is upset with blood.
00:11:55.000 --> 00:11:55.920
Well, I guess--
00:11:55.920 --> 00:12:00.040
Yeah, I guess people could be scared by the mention of blood.
00:12:00.040 --> 00:12:01.560
At least this isn't a video show.
00:12:01.560 --> 00:12:02.840
So they aren't going to see it.
00:12:02.840 --> 00:12:04.400
I've got to see it, though.
00:12:04.400 --> 00:12:07.640
And that is pretty uncomfortable for me right now.
00:12:07.640 --> 00:12:08.320
Oh my goodness.
00:12:08.320 --> 00:12:09.880
Look at the-- do you see it?
00:12:09.880 --> 00:12:11.920
The floor over there?
00:12:11.920 --> 00:12:13.160
The bat poo.
00:12:13.160 --> 00:12:13.960
Yeah, I see that.
00:12:13.960 --> 00:12:15.080
The bat little--
00:12:15.080 --> 00:12:16.000
Yeah.
00:12:16.000 --> 00:12:18.040
No, look on the pile of the bat poo.
00:12:18.040 --> 00:12:19.400
It's a little tiny bat.
00:12:19.400 --> 00:12:20.720
Oh, jeez.
00:12:20.720 --> 00:12:22.480
Yeah, he's walking over.
00:12:22.480 --> 00:12:23.400
I don't want that.
00:12:23.400 --> 00:12:25.800
I don't like bats.
00:12:25.800 --> 00:12:27.600
I'm not a fan of bats.
00:12:27.600 --> 00:12:29.280
Don't say anything.
00:12:29.280 --> 00:12:30.880
OK, by the use of it on your side,
00:12:30.880 --> 00:12:31.520
I'm going to invite him over.
00:12:31.520 --> 00:12:32.320
No, Parker, please don't.
00:12:32.320 --> 00:12:32.800
Please don't.
00:12:32.800 --> 00:12:33.480
Like, yeah.
00:12:33.480 --> 00:12:34.480
You know how many--
00:12:34.480 --> 00:12:35.720
There's just--
00:12:35.720 --> 00:12:40.560
This whole place is a source of discomfort.
00:12:40.560 --> 00:12:45.400
He is-- I'm going to paint a little seascape for the end
00:12:45.400 --> 00:12:48.840
of the user at home.
00:12:48.840 --> 00:12:52.520
The bat is, as you can see, walking onto my new balance.
00:12:52.520 --> 00:12:56.080
Sneaker, the wonderful new balance.
00:12:56.080 --> 00:12:58.040
And he is sitting down on the--
00:12:58.040 --> 00:13:00.000
They call it the tongue of your sneaker.
00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:01.080
Stay over--
00:13:01.080 --> 00:13:01.920
And he's lapping--
00:13:01.920 --> 00:13:02.720
And he's lapping--
00:13:02.720 --> 00:13:04.480
Parker.
00:13:04.480 --> 00:13:07.160
He's lapping the tourniquet, the blood on the tourniquet.
00:13:07.160 --> 00:13:08.360
This is just--
00:13:08.360 --> 00:13:09.520
It's OK.
00:13:09.520 --> 00:13:11.960
No, it's wonderful.
00:13:11.960 --> 00:13:15.720
It reminds me of somebody-- you ever
00:13:15.720 --> 00:13:19.600
see that thing in the desert where they see a mirage
00:13:19.600 --> 00:13:21.040
and they start--
00:13:21.040 --> 00:13:24.320
They go over there and they start lapping up the mirage?
00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:25.400
This is my little friend.
00:13:25.400 --> 00:13:26.960
Yeah, but this is also not a mirage.
00:13:26.960 --> 00:13:29.440
This is actually happening.
00:13:29.440 --> 00:13:33.360
Have you lost so much blood that you're like seeing things,
00:13:33.360 --> 00:13:34.120
Parker?
00:13:34.120 --> 00:13:37.000
Is there not a bat lapping up the blood from my liver?
00:13:37.000 --> 00:13:37.480
Worst way?
00:13:37.480 --> 00:13:38.880
No, there is definitely a bat.
00:13:38.880 --> 00:13:39.640
All of this--
00:13:39.640 --> 00:13:39.840
OK.
00:13:39.840 --> 00:13:40.840
All of this is real.
00:13:40.840 --> 00:13:42.680
I'm just not sure that you're still
00:13:42.680 --> 00:13:48.200
with us up here in the whole little nog and melon thing here.
00:13:48.200 --> 00:13:52.240
Listen, if I can help a little bat live--
00:13:52.240 --> 00:13:56.120
and I'm going to bleed regardless because of the Malamook,
00:13:56.120 --> 00:13:57.440
or whatever you call them--
00:13:57.440 --> 00:13:58.600
Yeah.
00:13:58.600 --> 00:14:01.160
--then I will let the bat live.
00:14:01.160 --> 00:14:02.800
You know what, Parker?
00:14:02.800 --> 00:14:07.240
Let's not forget to take you by for just like a preemptive
rabies
00:14:07.240 --> 00:14:09.480
shot after we're done recording here today.
00:14:09.480 --> 00:14:14.000
I think we just definitely need to remember to do that.
00:14:14.000 --> 00:14:16.160
Let's go to an ad.
00:14:16.160 --> 00:14:20.360
We have to do an ad right now, but we'll be back in a second.
00:14:20.360 --> 00:14:21.080
Don't go away.
00:14:21.080 --> 00:14:21.720
Goodbye.
00:14:21.720 --> 00:14:22.200
Bye.
00:14:22.200 --> 00:14:22.700
Bye.
00:14:22.700 --> 00:14:24.560
[MUSIC PLAYING]
00:14:24.560 --> 00:14:28.480
RAC Public Access.
00:14:28.480 --> 00:14:30.640
RAC Public Access.
00:14:30.640 --> 00:14:33.000
All right, and we're back, and you are still
00:14:33.000 --> 00:14:35.160
listening to 101.7 FM.
00:14:35.160 --> 00:14:38.880
The GRAC, you're here with Jen and Parker.
00:14:38.880 --> 00:14:40.440
Parker, how are you doing there?
00:14:40.440 --> 00:14:42.840
You know, I've been doing OK.
00:14:42.840 --> 00:14:48.600
I feel, I'm going to say, on a scale of like one to four
00:14:48.600 --> 00:14:52.360
of lightheadedness, probably like a two right in the
middle.
00:14:52.360 --> 00:14:53.360
Yeah, right in the middle.
00:14:53.360 --> 00:14:53.760
OK.
00:14:53.760 --> 00:14:56.120
And that's OK.
00:14:56.120 --> 00:15:01.960
As you can see, Tony the bat has brought several of his
friends.
00:15:01.960 --> 00:15:04.800
And they are just--
00:15:04.800 --> 00:15:06.640
they love my shoe.
00:15:06.640 --> 00:15:11.040
And they seem to be--
00:15:11.040 --> 00:15:14.200
they seem to be attracted to the liverwurst bloodsuck.
00:15:14.200 --> 00:15:16.200
Yeah, they are definitely attracted to you.
00:15:16.200 --> 00:15:17.720
And I'm quite happy by that.
00:15:17.720 --> 00:15:20.360
That it's keeping them over there away from me
00:15:20.360 --> 00:15:22.240
and just next to you.
00:15:22.240 --> 00:15:24.760
So we'll try to keep it that way.
00:15:24.760 --> 00:15:28.280
I put my leg through this little hole in the cavern
00:15:28.280 --> 00:15:31.480
so that you don't have to see Tony and his friends.
00:15:31.480 --> 00:15:33.000
That's great.
00:15:33.000 --> 00:15:34.400
Let's not think about it.
00:15:34.400 --> 00:15:34.920
Well--
00:15:34.920 --> 00:15:36.240
We won't have to think about it.
00:15:36.240 --> 00:15:37.040
This is wonderful.
00:15:37.040 --> 00:15:38.520
This is the perfect day.
00:15:38.520 --> 00:15:38.880
OK.
00:15:38.880 --> 00:15:40.440
Yeah, I'm happy.
00:15:40.440 --> 00:15:43.560
I don't know if it's the perfect day, but it's a day.
00:15:43.560 --> 00:15:45.600
I've got a call here on the line.
00:15:45.600 --> 00:15:46.480
Oh, wonderful.
00:15:46.480 --> 00:15:51.080
Yeah, I actually tracked down Tog, if you can believe it.
00:15:51.080 --> 00:15:51.960
What?
00:15:51.960 --> 00:15:52.760
Yeah.
00:15:52.760 --> 00:15:54.680
Yeah, I've tracked down Tog.
00:15:54.680 --> 00:15:58.360
Tog is on the road, as we know, with Huba Stank.
00:15:58.360 --> 00:15:59.680
Having a great time.
00:15:59.680 --> 00:16:02.760
Haven't heard from Tog this whole tour so far.
00:16:02.760 --> 00:16:07.680
But tracked down Tog, and Tog has agreed to call into the show
00:16:07.680 --> 00:16:10.680
so we can hear about what's going on outside of Gragleton.
00:16:10.680 --> 00:16:12.760
Bringing in the call, here we go.
00:16:12.760 --> 00:16:17.360
I was dragging this box over here wired in.
00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:19.200
All right, here we go.
00:16:19.200 --> 00:16:21.800
Hi, Tog, are you there?
00:16:21.800 --> 00:16:24.240
Hi, guys.
00:16:24.240 --> 00:16:26.560
Tog, it's Parker Spoon.
00:16:26.560 --> 00:16:30.400
I used to be your co-host, and I live in the apartment.
00:16:30.400 --> 00:16:31.080
No, Parker.
00:16:31.080 --> 00:16:31.840
Parker, no.
00:16:31.840 --> 00:16:33.840
I know who you are.
00:16:33.840 --> 00:16:34.920
I remember.
00:16:34.920 --> 00:16:36.360
I've been on the road for a while,
00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:38.680
but I totally remember who you are.
00:16:38.680 --> 00:16:39.320
Wonderful.
00:16:39.320 --> 00:16:40.920
Yeah, the apartment is wonderful.
00:16:40.920 --> 00:16:45.440
And I've even incorporated some new smells into the routine
00:16:45.440 --> 00:16:47.320
to paint a sense-scape.
00:16:47.320 --> 00:16:48.560
Oh, a sense-scape?
00:16:48.560 --> 00:16:49.060
Yeah.
00:16:49.060 --> 00:16:51.120
OK, what smells?
00:16:51.120 --> 00:16:53.720
So when you-- because I've been planning on you coming home
00:16:53.720 --> 00:16:55.600
for so long now.
00:16:55.600 --> 00:16:57.920
And someday you will, and I'm all prepared.
00:16:57.920 --> 00:17:01.120
So when you walk into the apartment,
00:17:01.120 --> 00:17:06.720
you are going to be taken on a cruise of the senses.
00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:07.720
OK.
00:17:07.720 --> 00:17:10.760
So yeah, the first thing you'll be hit with
00:17:10.760 --> 00:17:13.120
is Venetian blood orange.
00:17:13.120 --> 00:17:13.960
OK.
00:17:13.960 --> 00:17:15.120
And so what you do then--
00:17:15.120 --> 00:17:17.160
so when you get hit by the sense,
00:17:17.160 --> 00:17:19.760
you have to close your eyes and then imagine
00:17:19.760 --> 00:17:25.400
that you're at a carnival, a masquerade in Venice.
00:17:25.400 --> 00:17:25.960
OK.
00:17:25.960 --> 00:17:29.240
Oh, a carnival masquerade in Venice,
00:17:29.240 --> 00:17:32.880
but in the apartment in Gragleton.
00:17:32.880 --> 00:17:33.920
Yeah, that's right.
00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:34.320
OK.
00:17:34.320 --> 00:17:35.760
And then-- yeah, so then there's
00:17:35.760 --> 00:17:37.600
different sense that I'll spray your way
00:17:37.600 --> 00:17:40.200
as you're walking through.
00:17:40.200 --> 00:17:42.520
So you might be walking through and all of a sudden
00:17:42.520 --> 00:17:46.280
you get hit by the scent of freshly cut grass.
00:17:46.280 --> 00:17:47.360
OK.
00:17:47.360 --> 00:17:52.400
And you'll be like, oh, now you're in the hobbit's land
00:17:52.400 --> 00:17:55.280
where they live in that wonderful book
00:17:55.280 --> 00:18:00.440
by the wonderful token called the Hobbit's.
00:18:00.440 --> 00:18:02.720
OK.
00:18:02.720 --> 00:18:06.240
All right, well, I might be gone for a little while,
00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:08.480
but that will be the next thing to come home to.
00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:11.600
So I'm here on the road with Huba Stank.
00:18:11.600 --> 00:18:14.720
I'm like a roadie now for everybody.
00:18:14.720 --> 00:18:17.440
And I've seen what it's like outside of Gragleton.
00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:19.720
I never left Gragleton for the longest time.
00:18:19.720 --> 00:18:23.000
So it's quite interesting to see how the world is
00:18:23.000 --> 00:18:29.120
outside of our little town and just be like a roadie
00:18:29.120 --> 00:18:30.720
around the rock stars the whole time.
00:18:30.720 --> 00:18:33.240
It's kind of exciting.
00:18:33.240 --> 00:18:37.880
Now, do they have food out so you can get food
00:18:37.880 --> 00:18:40.520
and they place us to sleep and all that kind of wonderful
stuff,
00:18:40.520 --> 00:18:40.960
right?
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:43.040
Yeah, no, there's places to sleep.
00:18:43.040 --> 00:18:47.040
We usually-- or I mean, I'm kind of unofficially a roadie,
00:18:47.040 --> 00:18:47.680
if you will.
00:18:47.680 --> 00:18:52.280
So I have to find my own place along the road.
00:18:52.280 --> 00:18:55.720
And I usually stay at--
00:18:55.720 --> 00:18:56.760
have you heard of--
00:18:56.760 --> 00:18:59.640
Park, have you heard of Motel 6?
00:18:59.640 --> 00:19:01.160
I have not, no.
00:19:01.160 --> 00:19:01.660
Oh, OK.
00:19:01.660 --> 00:19:05.040
Well, they have these motels that are numbered, like all
00:19:05.040 --> 00:19:09.240
these, like Super 99 and Motel 6 and stuff,
00:19:09.240 --> 00:19:10.680
and some other ones.
00:19:10.680 --> 00:19:11.600
They just have numbers.
00:19:11.600 --> 00:19:13.320
I usually look for the one with the numbers
00:19:13.320 --> 00:19:15.760
because they're the ones that I can afford.
00:19:15.760 --> 00:19:17.320
And I stay in those.
00:19:17.320 --> 00:19:21.680
And then I kind of manage to make my way around
00:19:21.680 --> 00:19:25.240
the general backstage area and just kind of help out if I can.
00:19:25.240 --> 00:19:27.080
It's very exciting.
00:19:27.080 --> 00:19:27.840
That's wonderful.
00:19:27.840 --> 00:19:30.280
These are rock stars with long hair.
00:19:30.280 --> 00:19:31.280
Yeah.
00:19:31.280 --> 00:19:31.780
Yeah.
00:19:31.780 --> 00:19:34.640
And they play that they can hit the drums and strum
00:19:34.640 --> 00:19:39.440
the strings on the old, wonderful shoe box.
00:19:39.440 --> 00:19:40.200
Yeah.
00:19:40.200 --> 00:19:40.920
Yeah, they do.
00:19:40.920 --> 00:19:45.240
And they're generally pretty nice if I just kind of keep
00:19:45.240 --> 00:19:48.160
myself not exactly seen.
00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:52.960
And I sometimes bring snacks and people like that.
00:19:52.960 --> 00:19:56.240
And that's what helps me get into the area behind the stage
00:19:56.240 --> 00:19:59.520
to help out, is if I bring food.
00:19:59.520 --> 00:20:00.880
Well, then the foods you'll bring will
00:20:00.880 --> 00:20:03.800
be wonderfully healthy because we know
00:20:03.800 --> 00:20:05.760
that your focus is on health.
00:20:05.760 --> 00:20:07.200
Yeah, but I'm on the road.
00:20:07.200 --> 00:20:09.440
So I don't really get to--
00:20:09.440 --> 00:20:11.960
I don't get to do what I'm known for doing,
00:20:11.960 --> 00:20:15.120
which is I'm known for making things like vegan jerky
00:20:15.120 --> 00:20:18.320
and sourdough and things like that.
00:20:18.320 --> 00:20:20.920
But I'm on the road at these numbered hotels.
00:20:20.920 --> 00:20:25.320
So I don't really get to bake sourdough at the hotel
00:20:25.320 --> 00:20:28.320
because there isn't an oven.
00:20:28.320 --> 00:20:30.760
So can I give you a little tip?
00:20:30.760 --> 00:20:31.560
Sure.
00:20:31.560 --> 00:20:32.080
I like to.
00:20:32.080 --> 00:20:33.320
So yeah, yeah.
00:20:33.320 --> 00:20:38.960
So you don't need necessarily an oven because sometimes,
00:20:38.960 --> 00:20:42.920
ever since you left, I have been able to figure out
00:20:42.920 --> 00:20:44.800
how to use the oven for the life of me.
00:20:44.800 --> 00:20:46.040
Great.
00:20:46.040 --> 00:20:50.440
And so I bought the grocery--
00:20:50.440 --> 00:20:53.440
the grocer, bulk bins.
00:20:53.440 --> 00:20:54.720
Yeah, bulk bins.
00:20:54.720 --> 00:20:58.960
They let me take the old chicken that they had.
00:20:58.960 --> 00:21:01.000
Because they were going to throw it out anyway.
00:21:01.000 --> 00:21:05.120
So I figured it wouldn't be wasting an animal's life
00:21:05.120 --> 00:21:08.160
because they were going to just toss it.
00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:12.480
So I felt bad because I love wonderful animals.
00:21:12.480 --> 00:21:15.320
But I put the chicken that they were throwing out
00:21:15.320 --> 00:21:20.080
into the hot shower as an alternative in a bag.
00:21:20.080 --> 00:21:24.240
And so I left it in there for three minutes.
00:21:24.240 --> 00:21:29.240
I ate it, and it was a little gummy.
00:21:29.240 --> 00:21:29.880
Right.
00:21:29.880 --> 00:21:30.680
Yeah.
00:21:30.680 --> 00:21:36.000
Then I spent three days sweating.
00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:40.640
I have-- you know the medicine cabinets behind the mirror
00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:41.600
in the bathroom?
00:21:41.600 --> 00:21:42.600
If you pull the mirror--
00:21:42.600 --> 00:21:43.840
You can put chicken there?
00:21:43.840 --> 00:21:44.340
No.
00:21:44.340 --> 00:21:47.520
I was just going to say, I have a lot of just things
00:21:47.520 --> 00:21:51.640
for your stomach is in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.
00:21:51.640 --> 00:21:54.920
If you pull the mirror open, I think I forgot to tell you.
00:21:54.920 --> 00:21:57.040
You actually take the mirror and you pull it,
00:21:57.040 --> 00:21:58.600
and there's shelves behind the mirror.
00:21:58.600 --> 00:22:00.440
It's like a secret case.
00:22:00.440 --> 00:22:00.960
But I have--
00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:02.120
With a looking glass.
00:22:02.120 --> 00:22:03.720
Yeah, I guess.
00:22:03.720 --> 00:22:06.400
And just go in there for your stomach, Parker.
00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:08.760
I forgot to tell you before I left.
00:22:08.760 --> 00:22:12.160
And there'll be a caterpillar smoking a hookah.
00:22:12.160 --> 00:22:13.040
It was a joke.
00:22:13.040 --> 00:22:14.040
Oh, yeah.
00:22:14.040 --> 00:22:15.040
[LAUGHTER]
00:22:15.040 --> 00:22:16.040
I was trying to--
00:22:16.040 --> 00:22:17.240
Yeah, I was just--
00:22:17.240 --> 00:22:20.760
I was trying to go into the realm of the shock.
00:22:20.760 --> 00:22:21.440
Shocking.
00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:23.200
Yeah, oh, you're-- I forgot about--
00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:24.480
you like the stories.
00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:26.200
You like the stories.
00:22:26.200 --> 00:22:26.700
Yeah.
00:22:26.700 --> 00:22:27.480
Yeah, it's wonderful.
00:22:27.480 --> 00:22:28.120
Yeah.
00:22:28.120 --> 00:22:30.240
Oh, I didn't tell you where we are.
00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:31.000
Oh, where are we?
00:22:31.000 --> 00:22:32.160
Where's the show right now?
00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:32.640
No, I didn't--
00:22:32.640 --> 00:22:35.640
The haunted cave, but it's not really haunted.
00:22:35.640 --> 00:22:36.720
It's just--
00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:38.920
You're in the haunted mines right now?
00:22:38.920 --> 00:22:40.080
I certainly am.
00:22:40.080 --> 00:22:42.600
And wonderful things are happening.
00:22:42.600 --> 00:22:43.400
Are you OK?
00:22:43.400 --> 00:22:45.000
You got to stay away from the bats.
00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:45.960
You're the kind of one that you're
00:22:45.960 --> 00:22:49.680
going to met just like the goosebump thing all over again.
00:22:49.680 --> 00:22:51.200
No, no, it's fine.
00:22:51.200 --> 00:22:52.280
And the bats have--
00:22:52.280 --> 00:22:56.400
I have stayed away from the bats,
00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:58.360
but the bats have not stayed away from me.
00:22:58.360 --> 00:22:59.400
Badoom, bump.
00:22:59.400 --> 00:23:01.040
You know, it's a--
00:23:01.040 --> 00:23:02.560
Parker, this is very serious.
00:23:02.560 --> 00:23:04.080
You shouldn't make jokes.
00:23:04.080 --> 00:23:06.440
You shouldn't make jokes about those bats.
00:23:06.440 --> 00:23:10.360
Oh, well, they're wonderful, because I had a wound on my leg
00:23:10.360 --> 00:23:15.360
from where the malamote bit me from the liverwurst sock.
00:23:15.360 --> 00:23:17.400
Oh, are you a crew neck?
00:23:17.400 --> 00:23:18.320
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:23:18.320 --> 00:23:21.040
Yeah, crew neck's a great dog.
00:23:21.040 --> 00:23:24.560
And the bats are lapping my blood.
00:23:24.560 --> 00:23:26.760
But in a nice way, in a loving way.
00:23:26.760 --> 00:23:27.800
No, there isn't a good way.
00:23:27.800 --> 00:23:29.520
You need to go get a rabies shot.
00:23:29.520 --> 00:23:30.360
Nope.
00:23:30.360 --> 00:23:31.560
No, thank you.
00:23:31.560 --> 00:23:32.680
I will get a rabies shot.
00:23:32.680 --> 00:23:34.000
I get them regularly anyway.
00:23:34.000 --> 00:23:35.840
It's a good chance to take you to get a rabies shot.
00:23:35.840 --> 00:23:36.520
Yeah, I will.
00:23:36.520 --> 00:23:37.680
Or at least go see your mom.
00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:39.400
But first, they're going to lap my blood,
00:23:39.400 --> 00:23:41.040
and we will let them--
00:23:41.040 --> 00:23:42.720
I will provide sustenance for the whole--
00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:45.480
No, you should not do that, because they've got all the--
00:23:45.480 --> 00:23:48.520
they've got all the diseases in their mouth, Parker.
00:23:48.520 --> 00:23:51.080
I've started to think like a bat.
00:23:51.080 --> 00:23:53.240
Yeah, I think that's what happens.
00:23:53.240 --> 00:23:55.440
But you shouldn't think like a bat.
00:23:55.440 --> 00:23:57.920
You shouldn't-- you don't want to think like a bat,
00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:00.600
because bats only think about biting people and giving them
00:24:00.600 --> 00:24:01.800
the rabies.
00:24:01.800 --> 00:24:02.960
No, I can't--
00:24:02.960 --> 00:24:04.800
I can't--
00:24:04.800 --> 00:24:06.080
So I've been--
00:24:06.080 --> 00:24:08.960
I've had thoughts about trying to echolocate now.
00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:10.320
Right.
00:24:10.320 --> 00:24:12.160
Yeah, that's not what you want.
00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:13.600
They're going--
00:24:13.600 --> 00:24:16.520
they're putting their mouth juices into your blood,
Parker.
00:24:16.520 --> 00:24:19.040
OK, well, that's wonderful.
00:24:19.040 --> 00:24:20.160
It's not wonderful.
00:24:20.160 --> 00:24:22.560
Parker, no, it's not wonderful.
00:24:22.560 --> 00:24:23.560
Oh, don't you worry.
00:24:23.560 --> 00:24:26.840
You enjoy yourself with a hoobie stank and have fun.
00:24:26.840 --> 00:24:27.840
No, it's really fun.
00:24:27.840 --> 00:24:28.720
It's really fun.
00:24:28.720 --> 00:24:31.320
I think they're going to talk to me soon, actually.
00:24:31.320 --> 00:24:33.040
Oh.
00:24:33.040 --> 00:24:35.720
So wait, they haven't--
00:24:35.720 --> 00:24:36.720
No.
00:24:36.720 --> 00:24:37.220
No.
00:24:37.220 --> 00:24:40.080
Again, I'm not an official roadie.
00:24:40.080 --> 00:24:43.600
I'm just like-- I'm a roadie, but I'm not an official roadie.
00:24:43.600 --> 00:24:46.120
I'm like a--
00:24:46.120 --> 00:24:49.360
I don't know what you call me, but I'm not official.
00:24:49.360 --> 00:24:51.400
I'm touring with a band.
00:24:51.400 --> 00:24:52.400
Touring with a band?
00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:53.280
That's wonderful.
00:24:53.280 --> 00:24:53.780
Yeah.
00:24:53.780 --> 00:24:54.400
Yeah.
00:24:54.400 --> 00:24:56.720
And they play the songs.
00:24:56.720 --> 00:24:58.600
They can sing the songs and everything.
00:24:58.600 --> 00:25:00.000
Oh, they sing lots of songs.
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:00.760
I like the Rises.
00:25:00.760 --> 00:25:01.520
Oh, wonderful.
00:25:01.520 --> 00:25:02.240
They're their biggest hit.
00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:03.600
They always sing it right in the end.
00:25:03.600 --> 00:25:04.920
You know what?
00:25:04.920 --> 00:25:06.440
You don't want to get--
00:25:06.440 --> 00:25:08.160
that's because if you sing it early,
00:25:08.160 --> 00:25:09.520
everyone's going to say goodbye and leave.
00:25:09.520 --> 00:25:10.360
Oh, exactly.
00:25:10.360 --> 00:25:13.000
It's the big song at the end.
00:25:13.000 --> 00:25:14.560
And so you have to do it at the end.
00:25:14.560 --> 00:25:15.000
Yeah.
00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:16.280
Or people, yeah, they'd leave.
00:25:16.280 --> 00:25:18.520
Like if you did it right before the intermission
00:25:18.520 --> 00:25:20.320
or something like that, people would all leave
00:25:20.320 --> 00:25:21.200
at the intermission.
00:25:21.200 --> 00:25:23.560
That would be the wrong time.
00:25:23.560 --> 00:25:28.040
Oh, a Barty Bundle is--
00:25:28.040 --> 00:25:31.200
so he's missing still.
00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:34.440
And then in this-- and he might be in this cave,
00:25:34.440 --> 00:25:36.920
but Jen doesn't think so.
00:25:36.920 --> 00:25:41.000
Because Jen doesn't want anything fun in this world.
00:25:41.000 --> 00:25:42.440
Yeah, well, that's Jen.
00:25:42.440 --> 00:25:43.440
Yeah.
00:25:43.440 --> 00:25:44.840
She robs the world.
00:25:44.840 --> 00:25:45.960
She's really, really joyous.
00:25:45.960 --> 00:25:47.280
She's right now.
00:25:47.280 --> 00:25:50.160
Yeah, she has a humor.
00:25:50.160 --> 00:25:52.320
But yeah, we're going to find a Barty Bundle.
00:25:52.320 --> 00:25:54.400
And we'll be heroes.
00:25:54.400 --> 00:25:55.120
Oh, that's good.
00:25:55.120 --> 00:25:56.520
Yeah, well, ask crewneck.
00:25:56.520 --> 00:25:57.160
Ask crewneck.
00:25:57.160 --> 00:25:58.040
OK.
00:25:58.040 --> 00:25:58.680
Yeah.
00:25:58.680 --> 00:25:59.200
Wonderful.
00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:02.080
Crewneck, can you look?
00:26:02.080 --> 00:26:03.240
Ah, crewneck's sleeping.
00:26:03.240 --> 00:26:06.920
[LAUGHTER]
00:26:06.920 --> 00:26:09.040
Oh, well, I got to go.
00:26:09.040 --> 00:26:11.120
I got to go and do a fine.
00:26:11.120 --> 00:26:14.760
Yeah, I got to pretty much try to catch up
00:26:14.760 --> 00:26:17.320
so I can figure out where they're going next.
00:26:17.320 --> 00:26:19.640
Well, catch up and tell them I said hi, OK?
00:26:19.640 --> 00:26:21.400
OK, well, if they talk to me.
00:26:21.400 --> 00:26:22.200
So yeah.
00:26:22.200 --> 00:26:22.880
Yeah.
00:26:22.880 --> 00:26:26.440
And if you want to really give them a surprise,
00:26:26.440 --> 00:26:29.240
you can take some garlic scented Pam,
00:26:29.240 --> 00:26:30.800
the wonderful cooking spray.
00:26:30.800 --> 00:26:31.320
OK.
00:26:31.320 --> 00:26:33.880
And you can create a sense scape and spray it on them.
00:26:33.880 --> 00:26:35.040
Oh, yeah.
00:26:35.040 --> 00:26:36.000
Well, you know what?
00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:37.520
I have enough sense that I probably
00:26:37.520 --> 00:26:38.880
won't do that until we're friends.
00:26:38.880 --> 00:26:39.640
OK.
00:26:39.640 --> 00:26:40.000
Yeah.
00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:40.560
Wonderful.
00:26:40.560 --> 00:26:41.040
All right.
00:26:41.040 --> 00:26:41.800
Well, take care.
00:26:41.800 --> 00:26:44.000
Don't get too haunted and leave those bats on your partner.
00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:44.720
Oh, boy.
00:26:44.720 --> 00:26:45.360
OK.
00:26:45.360 --> 00:26:46.880
Get away, Sean.
00:26:46.880 --> 00:26:50.920
I'll leave them, but they won't leave me.
00:26:50.920 --> 00:26:53.360
Oh, we lost-- we lost Tog there.
00:26:53.360 --> 00:26:53.720
All right.
00:26:53.720 --> 00:26:56.320
I wasn't paying attention to what any of you guys said.
00:26:56.320 --> 00:26:59.280
So hopefully that was a good chat and good radio.
00:26:59.280 --> 00:26:59.800
Wonderful.
00:26:59.800 --> 00:27:01.200
Do we have a commercial or something?
00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:02.120
Yeah, we do.
00:27:02.120 --> 00:27:04.120
Yeah, we have to-- well, we have to start
00:27:04.120 --> 00:27:06.840
talking about our sponsor, which is Ghost Away.
00:27:06.840 --> 00:27:10.080
So why don't we get to that?
00:27:10.080 --> 00:27:13.480
I'm going to cover my ears if it gets a little creepy, OK?
00:27:13.480 --> 00:27:14.720
All right.
00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:17.400
So Ghost Away is sponsoring the show.
00:27:17.400 --> 00:27:19.200
The show is brought to you by Ghost Away.
00:27:19.200 --> 00:27:22.920
It's a revolutionary product that gets
00:27:22.920 --> 00:27:26.120
rid of ghosts if you believe in ghosts, I suppose.
00:27:26.120 --> 00:27:27.600
It kind of works like--
00:27:27.600 --> 00:27:28.000
you know what?
00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:29.320
I kind of have a--
00:27:29.320 --> 00:27:30.960
probably shouldn't say this because we're supposed
00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:33.360
to be supporting this product.
00:27:33.360 --> 00:27:37.080
It looks and smells kind of like bitter apple.
00:27:37.080 --> 00:27:40.720
You know, the spray that you spray when dogs bite?
00:27:40.720 --> 00:27:42.680
Like, you could probably put it on your tourniquet
00:27:42.680 --> 00:27:44.960
and keep a crew neck away from your blood.
00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:46.000
Why would I do that?
00:27:46.000 --> 00:27:48.480
Because it just looks and smells like--
00:27:48.480 --> 00:27:52.000
I'm pretty sure they just relabeled that bitter apple
00:27:52.000 --> 00:27:55.160
spray that you spray to keep dogs away from things that they
00:27:55.160 --> 00:27:57.400
should-- like, if they're chewing on their paw and stuff,
00:27:57.400 --> 00:27:59.320
you put it on their paw and they won't chew it.
00:27:59.320 --> 00:28:01.400
That's one of the sprays that--
00:28:01.400 --> 00:28:03.480
what we probably said about the sensecape for--
00:28:03.480 --> 00:28:05.040
I guess you weren't listening.
00:28:05.040 --> 00:28:10.760
But I'm creating an immersive apartment for Tog
00:28:10.760 --> 00:28:11.760
when they get back.
00:28:11.760 --> 00:28:15.080
And so I have bitter apple to spray on them.
00:28:15.080 --> 00:28:17.200
Because then I was going to say, pretend
00:28:17.200 --> 00:28:19.440
like we're in one of those forests where the trees throw
00:28:19.440 --> 00:28:21.360
apples at you because they get upset.
00:28:21.360 --> 00:28:22.360
Yeah.
00:28:22.360 --> 00:28:22.800
Yeah.
00:28:22.800 --> 00:28:23.920
Yeah, I think it's like that.
00:28:23.920 --> 00:28:25.000
They're bitter apples.
00:28:25.000 --> 00:28:28.960
Let's do a bit of a product demo here with Ghost Away.
00:28:28.960 --> 00:28:31.120
So here's a bottle of Ghost Away.
00:28:31.120 --> 00:28:33.040
It sells for $7.99.
00:28:33.040 --> 00:28:37.560
You can get it at any Grappleton grocery store, corner
store,
00:28:37.560 --> 00:28:38.840
Bodega.
00:28:38.840 --> 00:28:41.760
It even carried at the bakery for whatever reason.
00:28:41.760 --> 00:28:45.360
But I think the bakers in there are superstitious.
00:28:45.360 --> 00:28:48.600
So let me spray some in front of your--
00:28:48.600 --> 00:28:50.720
how do you want me to spray this around you, Parker?
00:28:50.720 --> 00:28:51.920
And you can tell me if it's like--
00:28:51.920 --> 00:28:52.920
All over me.
00:28:52.920 --> 00:28:53.520
Go for it.
00:28:53.520 --> 00:28:54.320
Oh, right.
00:28:54.320 --> 00:28:54.920
Yeah.
00:28:54.920 --> 00:28:57.440
It won't keep the bats away, right?
00:28:57.440 --> 00:28:59.200
Well, the bats are ghosts.
00:28:59.200 --> 00:29:00.680
And this product actually works.
00:29:00.680 --> 00:29:02.960
I suppose it will keep them away from you.
00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:06.280
It'll keep-- so it'll keep worm ghosts away, but not bats.
00:29:06.280 --> 00:29:07.360
Right, the worm ghosts.
00:29:07.360 --> 00:29:09.160
All right, I'm just going to spray it here, Parker.
00:29:09.160 --> 00:29:11.560
I guess put your face towards it if you want me to.
00:29:11.560 --> 00:29:12.040
I'm just--
00:29:12.040 --> 00:29:12.560
OK.
00:29:12.560 --> 00:29:13.920
Now, right here.
00:29:13.920 --> 00:29:14.400
Go for it.
00:29:14.400 --> 00:29:15.400
Go.
00:29:15.400 --> 00:29:16.800
There.
00:29:16.800 --> 00:29:17.520
OK.
00:29:17.520 --> 00:29:18.240
Oh, boy.
00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:19.040
OK.
00:29:19.040 --> 00:29:19.540
All right.
00:29:19.540 --> 00:29:20.280
Oh, boy.
00:29:20.280 --> 00:29:24.080
No, I cannot-- I cannot see.
00:29:24.080 --> 00:29:25.760
I cannot see.
00:29:25.760 --> 00:29:30.520
All right, so ghost away if you want to blind an attacker
00:29:30.520 --> 00:29:32.760
or get a ghost away from you.
00:29:32.760 --> 00:29:37.160
It will be good for either of those things.
00:29:37.160 --> 00:29:38.560
Oh, jeez.
00:29:38.560 --> 00:29:39.320
Oh, boy.
00:29:39.320 --> 00:29:39.800
You know what?
00:29:39.800 --> 00:29:41.680
I'm going to just look-- oh, it says,
00:29:41.680 --> 00:29:43.960
don't spray directly on skin.
00:29:43.960 --> 00:29:44.880
OK.
00:29:44.880 --> 00:29:45.720
All right.
00:29:45.720 --> 00:29:48.640
I guess I should have read the back of the bottle before.
00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:49.560
Oh, OK.
00:29:49.560 --> 00:29:50.960
Listener, ghost away.
00:29:50.960 --> 00:29:53.080
I can see, but it's burned.
00:29:53.080 --> 00:29:53.880
I see burning.
00:29:53.880 --> 00:29:55.200
All right.
00:29:55.200 --> 00:29:55.800
OK.
00:29:55.800 --> 00:29:58.800
Well, listener, ghost away.
00:29:58.800 --> 00:30:00.320
Don't spray it on your skin.
00:30:00.320 --> 00:30:03.720
Read the product bottle before you use it.
00:30:03.720 --> 00:30:07.360
It will keep ghosts away, maybe attackers away, possibly
dogs
00:30:07.360 --> 00:30:08.280
or bats.
00:30:08.280 --> 00:30:11.240
I'd like to paint a seascape for the listeners if I might.
00:30:11.240 --> 00:30:13.200
OK.
00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:17.240
So I'm channeling.
00:30:17.240 --> 00:30:22.040
I've been reading some books on the wonderful mindfulness
00:30:22.040 --> 00:30:24.760
and secular Buddhism.
00:30:24.760 --> 00:30:25.520
I know.
00:30:25.520 --> 00:30:27.200
You wouldn't think I'd read this.
00:30:27.200 --> 00:30:28.440
But I do.
00:30:28.440 --> 00:30:33.360
And so I've been channeling the pain
00:30:33.360 --> 00:30:38.320
that I have right now, which is exquisite and raw,
00:30:38.320 --> 00:30:42.400
into trying to do good works.
00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:47.800
And I am going to echolocate Barty Bundle.
00:30:47.800 --> 00:30:49.120
All right.
00:30:49.120 --> 00:30:55.400
So ghost away, a product if you want to attack your
attackers,
00:30:55.400 --> 00:30:59.480
echolocate missing people, or maybe keep away ghosts.
00:30:59.480 --> 00:31:02.880
Get it anywhere in Gragelton, pretty much.
00:31:02.880 --> 00:31:03.760
So we're back.
00:31:03.760 --> 00:31:04.240
We're back.
00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:04.960
From the commercial.
00:31:04.960 --> 00:31:06.840
Yes, we're back from the commercial.
00:31:06.840 --> 00:31:10.800
You're listening to 101.7 FM, the Grag.
00:31:10.800 --> 00:31:15.200
We are here in the haunted mines in Outer Grag.
00:31:15.200 --> 00:31:16.160
I'm here with Parker.
00:31:16.160 --> 00:31:17.360
Parker.
00:31:17.360 --> 00:31:18.800
Hi.
00:31:18.800 --> 00:31:20.440
Parker's here.
00:31:20.440 --> 00:31:24.840
So we have a Q&A from a listener.
00:31:24.840 --> 00:31:29.440
And that question is, what do you think about squirrels
00:31:29.440 --> 00:31:32.280
and their social dynamics?
00:31:32.280 --> 00:31:34.200
That's a good question, listener.
00:31:34.200 --> 00:31:35.560
It's a wonderful question.
00:31:35.560 --> 00:31:36.040
Yeah.
00:31:36.040 --> 00:31:36.880
It's unsigned.
00:31:36.880 --> 00:31:38.040
I don't know who it's from.
00:31:38.040 --> 00:31:39.480
But good question.
00:31:39.480 --> 00:31:41.920
I'll let you take this one, and then I will supplement it,
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:43.600
because I have some definitive thoughts.
00:31:43.600 --> 00:31:44.280
You do?
00:31:44.280 --> 00:31:44.720
All right.
00:31:44.720 --> 00:31:48.800
Well, the main social dynamic that I see with squirrels
00:31:48.800 --> 00:31:52.160
is actually against my cats.
00:31:52.160 --> 00:31:55.480
I have a tree outside my window here in Gragelton
00:31:55.480 --> 00:31:57.160
that the squirrels love.
00:31:57.160 --> 00:31:59.640
It's a black walnut tree there is going up there,
00:31:59.640 --> 00:32:01.800
collect, I guess, all the walnuts or whatever they do.
00:32:01.800 --> 00:32:03.520
They put them in their cheeks and stuff.
00:32:03.520 --> 00:32:08.080
But they actually seem to have some kind of possibly
00:32:08.080 --> 00:32:11.400
vendetta against my cats, or they just don't like the cats,
00:32:11.400 --> 00:32:13.320
because they're always going up to the window
00:32:13.320 --> 00:32:14.560
and staring down the cats.
00:32:14.560 --> 00:32:16.560
And driving the cats nuts, they seem
00:32:16.560 --> 00:32:18.480
to know, which is kind of funny, because they're
00:32:18.480 --> 00:32:19.720
collecting nuts.
00:32:19.720 --> 00:32:21.160
I just heard that.
00:32:21.160 --> 00:32:22.040
I'm sorry I wanted to.
00:32:22.040 --> 00:32:24.520
I didn't mean to do the pun, but it's just--
00:32:24.520 --> 00:32:25.800
No, no, it's not nuts.
00:32:25.800 --> 00:32:26.480
That was good.
00:32:26.480 --> 00:32:27.880
That was good me.
00:32:27.880 --> 00:32:30.640
So they stare it down.
00:32:30.640 --> 00:32:33.520
They stare down my cat and seem to like to do some sort
00:32:33.520 --> 00:32:35.640
of power play, because it's like, you want me,
00:32:35.640 --> 00:32:36.480
you can't get me.
00:32:36.480 --> 00:32:38.000
You'd like to kill me, but you're not going to.
00:32:38.000 --> 00:32:39.120
You can't get through the window.
00:32:39.120 --> 00:32:40.720
You're just a lousy indoor cat.
00:32:40.720 --> 00:32:43.600
So I think that social dynamic is--
00:32:43.600 --> 00:32:46.240
I suppose something I enjoy watching.
00:32:46.240 --> 00:32:50.280
I think it's delightful to observe.
00:32:50.280 --> 00:32:52.640
Oh, well, it's delightful that you like.
00:32:52.640 --> 00:32:54.920
It's delightful that you think it's delightful.
00:32:54.920 --> 00:32:55.600
How's that?
00:32:55.600 --> 00:32:56.200
I suppose.
00:32:56.200 --> 00:32:57.880
Like, my cats deserve it in a way,
00:32:57.880 --> 00:32:59.520
because they do want to kill a squirrel.
00:32:59.520 --> 00:33:01.680
So it's kind of the taunting is kind of--
00:33:01.680 --> 00:33:05.280
it seems fair, I would say.
00:33:05.280 --> 00:33:06.040
Wonderful.
00:33:06.040 --> 00:33:09.400
Yeah, when I think of squirrel social dynamics,
00:33:09.400 --> 00:33:13.560
it's not real, but I always imagine a squirrel wearing--
00:33:13.560 --> 00:33:15.880
you ever see that thing where they're--
00:33:15.880 --> 00:33:18.440
it's like they're wearing like a apron that's
00:33:18.440 --> 00:33:22.160
like red and white checkers, and they're
00:33:22.160 --> 00:33:26.680
baking in like a little squirrel oven for like a big family?
00:33:26.680 --> 00:33:30.680
This is definitely another children's book, isn't it?
00:33:30.680 --> 00:33:32.680
It was called The Squirrel in the Kitchen.
00:33:32.680 --> 00:33:33.920
And it was--
00:33:33.920 --> 00:33:36.720
but you know that thing where they're doing it all,
00:33:36.720 --> 00:33:39.600
and the squirrels are baking, and then they bring out
00:33:39.600 --> 00:33:43.040
acorns, and everybody has like a squirrel knife and fork,
00:33:43.040 --> 00:33:43.960
which is wonderful.
00:33:43.960 --> 00:33:45.760
So I'm going to go out on a limb here.
00:33:45.760 --> 00:33:48.560
I think the listener who sent this in
00:33:48.560 --> 00:33:52.800
is wanting to know about our thoughts on real squirrel
00:33:52.800 --> 00:33:57.880
social dynamics, like actual non-fictional dynamics.
00:33:57.880 --> 00:33:58.960
That's wonderful.
00:33:58.960 --> 00:33:59.520
OK.
00:33:59.520 --> 00:34:02.920
So you like the social dynamics of fictional squirrels
00:34:02.920 --> 00:34:04.560
in a children's book, like a Richard
00:34:04.560 --> 00:34:07.400
scary style social dynamic.
00:34:07.400 --> 00:34:11.360
The wonderful prolific artistic--
00:34:11.360 --> 00:34:13.560
Yeah, very artistic, wonderful--
00:34:13.560 --> 00:34:15.240
It was not scary, by the way.
00:34:15.240 --> 00:34:17.160
No, definitely not scary.
00:34:17.160 --> 00:34:20.600
No wolves or ghosts or werewolves or anything
00:34:20.600 --> 00:34:23.000
like that in any of his materials.
00:34:23.000 --> 00:34:26.440
I mean, unless you're afraid of a town being
00:34:26.440 --> 00:34:28.560
run by small animals.
00:34:28.560 --> 00:34:29.440
Not me.
00:34:29.440 --> 00:34:30.040
Not you.
00:34:30.040 --> 00:34:30.680
I'm not--
00:34:30.680 --> 00:34:31.400
I'm not--
00:34:31.400 --> 00:34:33.840
Daddy, I'll tell you, I have a long list of things
00:34:33.840 --> 00:34:36.080
that I'm afraid of, and that doesn't even come close.
00:34:36.080 --> 00:34:38.280
You know, I think if I just rolled into town,
00:34:38.280 --> 00:34:40.600
and that town didn't have humans,
00:34:40.600 --> 00:34:44.240
but instead had a whole bunch of animals in human-like
scenarios
00:34:44.240 --> 00:34:48.440
where I enclosed fear would be one of my first reactions
00:34:48.440 --> 00:34:50.320
to that scenario.
00:34:50.320 --> 00:34:51.080
Wonderful.
00:34:51.080 --> 00:34:54.320
Not the fear, but fear is a--
00:34:54.320 --> 00:34:58.960
fear-- so sometimes you can let fear guide you.
00:34:58.960 --> 00:35:02.200
So you got to do the opposite of what you're afraid of.
00:35:02.200 --> 00:35:03.960
So what that means here is that you
00:35:03.960 --> 00:35:08.440
have to find a town that's run by animals in sweaters
00:35:08.440 --> 00:35:09.480
and stuff.
00:35:09.480 --> 00:35:12.840
Because then that way you won't be afraid of it anymore.
00:35:12.840 --> 00:35:14.200
OK.
00:35:14.200 --> 00:35:14.920
All right.
00:35:14.920 --> 00:35:18.280
So desensitize myself to real animals,
00:35:18.280 --> 00:35:20.760
that sort of scenario, which is definitely--
00:35:20.760 --> 00:35:22.240
should be in fiction, not in reality.
00:35:22.240 --> 00:35:24.360
Like the animals on my leg as we speak.
00:35:24.360 --> 00:35:24.840
Wonderful.
00:35:24.840 --> 00:35:26.000
Keep that away from me.
00:35:26.000 --> 00:35:28.200
There's still going after your blood.
00:35:28.200 --> 00:35:31.480
Oh, yeah, but mostly behind the rocks, so you can't see it.
00:35:31.480 --> 00:35:31.960
Yeah.
00:35:31.960 --> 00:35:34.480
Are you still echolocating right now?
00:35:34.480 --> 00:35:35.440
Yeah, no.
00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:38.160
That's what I was going to suggest for the next segment,
00:35:38.160 --> 00:35:40.280
because I'm going to run off.
00:35:40.280 --> 00:35:40.780
OK.
00:35:40.780 --> 00:35:45.920
And I am going to try to echolocate Barty Bundle.
00:35:45.920 --> 00:35:47.040
Oh, good.
00:35:47.040 --> 00:35:47.540
Good.
00:35:47.540 --> 00:35:47.800
Yeah, so--
00:35:47.800 --> 00:35:49.120
Because if we find Barty Bundle,
00:35:49.120 --> 00:35:53.200
I hear that some people have pooled like a winning spot.
00:35:53.200 --> 00:35:55.280
You know, like you win--
00:35:55.280 --> 00:36:00.080
you'll get money, like if we find him, whatever that's
called.
00:36:00.080 --> 00:36:00.920
Yeah.
00:36:00.920 --> 00:36:02.400
I would like some money.
00:36:02.400 --> 00:36:03.520
Yeah, so hold on.
00:36:03.520 --> 00:36:04.400
Can I have half?
00:36:04.400 --> 00:36:06.680
Can I have-- if you find Barty out there, can I have half?
00:36:06.680 --> 00:36:07.400
You can take it all.
00:36:07.400 --> 00:36:08.480
No, you can have everything.
00:36:08.480 --> 00:36:08.880
I don't care.
00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:09.640
Oh, wow.
00:36:09.640 --> 00:36:11.400
I'm doing this for the light.
00:36:11.400 --> 00:36:12.840
I do it for the love of the game.
00:36:12.840 --> 00:36:13.160
Thanks.
00:36:13.160 --> 00:36:14.000
I could use that.
00:36:14.000 --> 00:36:16.640
We have a segment back at the studio at the Grac,
00:36:16.640 --> 00:36:18.800
so I'm going to-- let's throw to that segment.
00:36:18.800 --> 00:36:20.040
I'll come with you.
00:36:20.040 --> 00:36:21.960
Let's go see if we can find Barty.
00:36:21.960 --> 00:36:22.360
Let's get--
00:36:22.360 --> 00:36:23.600
Grunette, wake up.
00:36:23.600 --> 00:36:24.120
Wake up, Grunette.
00:36:24.120 --> 00:36:25.320
You're Belgian Balinois.
00:36:25.320 --> 00:36:27.360
You shouldn't be sleeping.
00:36:27.360 --> 00:36:31.560
Gee, gee, gee.
00:36:31.560 --> 00:36:32.560
This is funny.
00:36:32.560 --> 00:36:35.280
[MUSIC PLAYING]
00:36:35.280 --> 00:36:37.280
Rainy wind.
00:36:37.280 --> 00:36:43.680
This is Maureen Fossett-Cluthor over at the Grac Public
00:36:43.680 --> 00:36:49.120
Access offices, where I'm taping my new show, Bad at
Business.
00:36:49.120 --> 00:36:51.720
I'm supposed to cover the weather for you right now,
00:36:51.720 --> 00:36:55.240
so which is going to be brought to you today by the Barty
Bundle
00:36:55.240 --> 00:36:57.120
Beanie Baby Bargain Barn.
00:36:57.120 --> 00:37:01.720
But we're probably not going to get the payment remitted
now.
00:37:01.720 --> 00:37:03.400
Jen, you're just going to love this one
00:37:03.400 --> 00:37:05.920
when you get this cassette tape tomorrow morning.
00:37:05.920 --> 00:37:09.280
I handle small business insurance here in Gragleton,
00:37:09.280 --> 00:37:13.240
and I was sent by the office for a walkthrough of a new
business
00:37:13.240 --> 00:37:15.160
to prepare a quote for them.
00:37:15.160 --> 00:37:18.560
That business, Barty Bundle's Beanie Baby Bargain Barn.
00:37:18.560 --> 00:37:22.520
And I thought, oh, maybe that's where Barty's been when I was
00:37:22.520 --> 00:37:24.880
driving over to that bargain barn.
00:37:24.880 --> 00:37:29.240
But instead, I happened to discover why Barty had been
missing.
00:37:29.240 --> 00:37:32.600
I started doing my walkthrough, and I found him
00:37:32.600 --> 00:37:37.640
dead in the Barty Bundle Beanie Baby Bargain Barn basement
00:37:37.640 --> 00:37:40.040
when I went down to check the breakers.
00:37:40.040 --> 00:37:42.560
Tripped right over Barty's broken back bone
00:37:42.560 --> 00:37:46.160
before I could turn on the light and find that breaker box.
00:37:46.160 --> 00:37:51.760
So I guess mystery solved about where Barty is.
00:37:51.760 --> 00:37:53.800
Actually, I'm not sure if I'm supposed
00:37:53.800 --> 00:37:55.440
to be sharing this information.
00:37:55.440 --> 00:37:57.920
It hasn't even hit the gazette yet.
00:37:57.920 --> 00:38:00.080
Oh, I guess I better get to the weather now.
00:38:00.080 --> 00:38:01.600
Get ready for the weather.
00:38:01.600 --> 00:38:06.240
Tonight's weather in East Grag should be slightly
overcast,
00:38:06.240 --> 00:38:07.040
it says.
00:38:07.040 --> 00:38:09.440
You just learned all about the weather.
00:38:09.440 --> 00:38:11.520
And so that's the weather brought to you,
00:38:11.520 --> 00:38:15.400
well, it might be from the estate of Barty Bundle
00:38:15.400 --> 00:38:17.600
for Barty Bundle's Beanie Baby Bargain Barn.
00:38:17.600 --> 00:38:20.160
Maybe Barty's bill will be on the house.
00:38:20.160 --> 00:38:23.360
Well, I can honestly say Barty Bundle's Beanie Baby Bargain
00:38:23.360 --> 00:38:25.320
Barn looked beautiful.
00:38:25.320 --> 00:38:26.880
Excellent safety features.
00:38:26.880 --> 00:38:28.680
And I was going to offer Barty coverage
00:38:28.680 --> 00:38:32.280
with a very balanced, premium package.
00:38:32.280 --> 00:38:35.520
Barty sure didn't look beautiful with that broken back
bone,
00:38:35.520 --> 00:38:38.440
though, once I got the lights on.
00:38:38.440 --> 00:38:40.800
He looked pretty well.
00:38:40.800 --> 00:38:43.280
A bit murdered dead, as one would say.
00:38:43.280 --> 00:38:46.480
Oh, I wonder if Barty has any ghost away in here.
00:38:46.480 --> 00:38:48.440
[BELL RINGING]
00:38:48.440 --> 00:38:53.760
All right, we're back.
00:38:53.760 --> 00:38:57.840
We were looking for Barty Bundle.
00:38:57.840 --> 00:38:59.600
I didn't see anything.
00:38:59.600 --> 00:39:01.000
I kind of lost you there.
00:39:01.000 --> 00:39:03.480
You went off into the dark, and I was like,
00:39:03.480 --> 00:39:05.760
I am not going any further than this.
00:39:05.760 --> 00:39:08.600
Yeah, so no, I'm doing it for--
00:39:08.600 --> 00:39:11.720
if you don't mind, because I know you don't like blood
00:39:11.720 --> 00:39:12.800
or anything like that.
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:13.840
Uh-huh.
00:39:13.840 --> 00:39:17.400
You probably don't want to look at my shoulders,
00:39:17.400 --> 00:39:19.760
because I was echolocating there.
00:39:19.760 --> 00:39:21.080
Oh, God.
00:39:21.080 --> 00:39:24.600
Yeah, I was echolocating.
00:39:24.600 --> 00:39:27.080
Yeah, you're a wonderful--
00:39:27.080 --> 00:39:30.360
it was a wonderful waterfall.
00:39:30.360 --> 00:39:33.400
And I was echolocating near the side of it.
00:39:33.400 --> 00:39:38.680
And I thought that I saw, using my words that were bounced
back
00:39:38.680 --> 00:39:42.040
and they became images, I thought I saw a person.
00:39:42.040 --> 00:39:47.280
And I fell down, and I cut both of my shoulders
00:39:47.280 --> 00:39:49.240
on stalactites.
00:39:49.240 --> 00:39:51.680
Stalag mites, technically, I guess.
00:39:51.680 --> 00:39:52.280
Really?
00:39:52.280 --> 00:39:54.640
Stalag-- is that the ones that come up from the floor,
00:39:54.640 --> 00:39:56.040
the ones that come down from the--
00:39:56.040 --> 00:39:58.840
Stalag tites, you got to really hold on to,
00:39:58.840 --> 00:40:00.480
so that's because they hold on tight.
00:40:00.480 --> 00:40:04.240
So yeah, it's like mites are the ones on the floor.
00:40:04.240 --> 00:40:05.480
Oh, I like that.
00:40:05.480 --> 00:40:08.200
I like-- now I'll know which one's which.
00:40:08.200 --> 00:40:10.000
That's great, but you look awful.
00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:12.560
You're going to need a rabies shot and some stitches.
00:40:12.560 --> 00:40:14.160
I don't know if you've noticed, but there
00:40:14.160 --> 00:40:18.600
are several very large bats that are staying.
00:40:18.600 --> 00:40:21.280
They look almost like statuary.
00:40:21.280 --> 00:40:21.760
God.
00:40:21.760 --> 00:40:22.880
And they are--
00:40:22.880 --> 00:40:23.920
Those are big ones.
00:40:23.920 --> 00:40:26.840
Those aren't like the little ones that were on your
tourniquet.
00:40:26.840 --> 00:40:27.400
Oh, my--
00:40:27.400 --> 00:40:27.640
No.
00:40:27.640 --> 00:40:29.600
Where do you find these--
00:40:29.600 --> 00:40:31.680
Yep, and they are on my shoulders,
00:40:31.680 --> 00:40:35.880
like the wonderful gargoyles.
00:40:35.880 --> 00:40:38.960
Sorry, I'm getting dramatic because I
00:40:38.960 --> 00:40:41.000
haven't had any blood recently.
00:40:41.000 --> 00:40:44.080
Yeah, no, you're looking pale too, Parker.
00:40:44.080 --> 00:40:45.080
You should sit down.
00:40:45.080 --> 00:40:46.480
If you fall and you hurt yourself,
00:40:46.480 --> 00:40:47.960
I don't want to have to try to catch you
00:40:47.960 --> 00:40:49.240
with all those things around you.
00:40:49.240 --> 00:40:52.120
Now if I fall, now the bats will take care of me,
00:40:52.120 --> 00:40:53.800
so you just talk and we'll be OK.
00:40:53.800 --> 00:40:57.520
OK, well, I'm going to take you straight to the hospital
00:40:57.520 --> 00:40:59.680
after this to get you a shot and get you cleaned up.
00:40:59.680 --> 00:41:01.440
You know, I'm a pretty dark person,
00:41:01.440 --> 00:41:04.400
but I don't want this one on my conscience.
00:41:04.400 --> 00:41:05.920
I feel wonderful.
00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:07.520
This is some kind-- maybe it's a survival mechanism.
00:41:07.520 --> 00:41:08.920
You've lost a lot of blood.
00:41:08.920 --> 00:41:11.040
I think that's probably why you feel pretty good.
00:41:11.040 --> 00:41:11.640
Well, what's next?
00:41:11.640 --> 00:41:12.560
What's the next segment?
00:41:12.560 --> 00:41:14.000
We're done the show.
00:41:14.000 --> 00:41:16.520
We can-- I think we need to probably just get you
00:41:16.520 --> 00:41:17.800
to a hospital at this point.
00:41:17.800 --> 00:41:19.640
Oh, they're flapping.
00:41:19.640 --> 00:41:21.200
Yeah, the bats are flapping.
00:41:21.200 --> 00:41:21.840
No, God.
00:41:21.840 --> 00:41:24.400
Yeah, they're too close to me.
00:41:24.400 --> 00:41:26.480
OK, oh boy, no, they got you.
00:41:26.480 --> 00:41:27.720
OK, yeah, no, they got you.
00:41:27.720 --> 00:41:28.560
Oh, I'm flying.
00:41:28.560 --> 00:41:29.560
Oh, God.
00:41:29.560 --> 00:41:30.960
Oh, you're-- OK.
00:41:30.960 --> 00:41:31.960
I'm flying.
00:41:31.960 --> 00:41:33.560
Listener, all right, Bev.
00:41:33.560 --> 00:41:35.600
This doesn't seem plausible, but I am going to--
00:41:35.600 --> 00:41:36.480
In the air.
00:41:36.480 --> 00:41:37.480
Yeah.
00:41:37.480 --> 00:41:39.520
Parker's being taken off right now,
00:41:39.520 --> 00:41:41.280
and we're going to end the show.
00:41:41.280 --> 00:41:42.920
So thanks for listening to the show.
00:41:42.920 --> 00:41:43.800
We'll be back.
00:41:43.800 --> 00:41:46.240
We are in the haunted mines, where
00:41:46.240 --> 00:41:48.120
we found a lot of bats, not many ghosts.
00:41:48.120 --> 00:41:51.080
So maybe Ghost Away actually works, which is our sponsor.
00:41:51.080 --> 00:41:54.120
Tune in soon, and we're out for now.
00:41:54.120 --> 00:41:54.840
Bye for now.
00:41:54.840 --> 00:41:57.040
Out, out, out, out, bye.
00:41:57.040 --> 00:41:57.540
Out.
00:41:57.540 --> 00:42:01.000
[MUSIC PLAYING]
00:42:03.720 --> 00:42:06.720
You've been listening to Grack Public Access, a Stereo
Forest
00:42:06.720 --> 00:42:07.640
production.
00:42:07.640 --> 00:42:09.960
This episode was created, directed, edited,
00:42:09.960 --> 00:42:12.000
and produced by Jen DeHaan.
00:42:12.000 --> 00:42:14.840
Jen DeHaan was improvised by herself.
00:42:14.840 --> 00:42:17.320
Parker Spoon was improvised by Adam.
00:42:17.320 --> 00:42:20.080
Additional voices and writing by Jen DeHaan.
00:42:20.080 --> 00:42:21.840
You can find our shows, transcripts,
00:42:21.840 --> 00:42:23.280
and sign up for a free newsletter
00:42:23.280 --> 00:42:27.320
to get notified of everything we release at
StereoForest.com.
00:42:27.320 --> 00:42:30.360
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00:42:30.360 --> 00:42:40.360
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