Welcome to the Mindful Dog Parent, the podcast for overwhelmed and anxious dog owners who are doing their best but still feel like they're getting it all wrong.

I'm Sian, a trauma informed coach and ethical dog trainer, and I created this podcast because dog parenting isn't always cute reels and perfect walks.

Sometimes it's tears after training, guilt in the quiet moments, or just feeling like you're the only struggling.

If you've ever said, I love my dog, but this is really hard, you're in the right place.

Each week, I'll bring you calm, compassionate guidance to help you build confidence, regulate your emotions, and reconnect with your dog.

Even when things feel messy because you're not failing, you're just overwhelmed and you don't have to figure this out on your own.

Let me ask you something.

Have you ever had that moment where you look at your dog and you're thinking, I should be further ahead than this?

You think I should have trained more, or you think I should be doing better, or all of those things?

Maybe you have fallen out of your routine.

Maybe your dog's behaviors just felt harder lately.

Maybe life's just been a lot and training slip down the list of priorities.

I mean, it happens to everyone.

It's.

That's just life.

That can happen sometimes.

And now December's hit and suddenly it feels like everyone else has it together.

Everyone else's dog looks calm.

Everyone else's dog looks well trained.

Everyone else's dog looks predictable.

Everyone else seems to be managing.

And you're thinking to yourself, I'm behind.

I messed this up.

I've undone everything.

So maybe you kind of had that starting point where you were doing all the training and you had got that routine and all the things, but you felt like you've undone everything because all of that's kind of fell to the wayside.

So if that's where you are today, first of all, I want you to take a breath.

That breath helps to slow us down.

It helps us to bring us back into the present.

It really, genuinely does help us to feel a bit more grounded.

Just taking that breath slows us down enough to be able to think where we're at, what we're doing right now.

I want you to know you're not behind.

You're not starting from zero.

Even though it feels like that's what's happening and there's nothing wrong with you or your dog.

I want to talk about it today.

Because so many dog parents feel behind at this time of year.

We're in December, as of recording this, it's the 1st of December.

And I want you to know what your nervous system is really doing at the moment, if that is how you're feeling.

And I want you to know how you can reset without the shame or the pressure.

So that's what we're going to talk about.

I want to talk about it because it's an important topic.

When we come to the end of the year, it's a time of reflection.

So we think back to the last 12 months and we start to tell ourselves what we could have done better, what we could have improved, what we didn't do, what we should have done.

So it's all the negatives.

I should have done this, I should have, shouldn't have done that.

Why did I do this?

Why didn't I do that?

All those questions, all those kind of, it's anxiety, all those thoughts that are kind of living in the past 12 months.

Because at the beginning of the year we set goals and had intentions and the New Year's resolutions, if that's something that you set for yourself.

I don't personally set New Year's resolutions for myself.

I don't really believe in them.

I think there's too much pressure on everybody to do too many big things and it's, that's when, that's when we fail.

Like being a dog trainer, I can transfer those kind of skills that I've learned on how to implement training successfully into life.

So it's not about setting those big, huge kind of, you know, health goals that, you know, we've got good intentions to kind of have, but it's little steps, those small things.

So what can I do differently?

Like this week?

What can I do differently this month and make it a small thing.

So we go into the New year with all this fresh start, new year, you know, all these big kind of plans and expectations and pressure.

That's what it ends up being.

It brings it's pressure on yourself.

And the end of the year is the time to reflect on that.

Because we went into the New year with good intentions.

Life happens.

I mean, 2025 has not been the best year generally for the world.

I'm not going to go into all the details on what 2025 has looked like because it looks differently for everybody and everyone's got their different opinions on all the, the things that have been positive and negative, but it's just been a year.

I'll just say it's been a year and things have happened personally and it's just been A difficult time.

So, like, things happen that you don't expect.

And then you start to kick yourself at the end of the year thinking, well, why?

Why didn't I do what I thought I did?

Why didn't I kind of hit those goals that I'd given myself at the beginning of the year?

And it all turns into this negative spiral of shame.

But feeling behind is almost never about your dog, because this is about kind of having those routines, having that training, like doing all the things with your dog.

But it's almost always about overwhelm.

And you can kind of think back to the last 12 months and what's happened in the world that's been out of our control.

And you can think, well, actually, yeah, that.

That's feeling really overwhelming.

It's about emotional fatigue because 2025 has been an emotional year.

It's about comparison.

So that's why we're kind of comparing ourselves to other people.

You know, what.

Where are they at?

Why am I not where that person's at right now?

Shame.

So, you know, not feeling good enough about how things have gone and the pressure to keep up.

So keeping up, it makes me think of keeping up with the Joneses.

Google if you don't know what that is.

But it's.

It is that.

It's the comparison.

Itis.

It's the keeping up, trying to make things look better than they might feel for you at the moment.

But I think December definitely magnifies all of those things because our routines do change in December.

Energy starts to drop.

We're coming to the end of the year.

It's cold.

And as I'm recording this outside of the window, it is pouring down with rain.

So it's cold, it's wet, it's dull.

So the sun isn't there as often to bring us that kind of good energy, positive energy, which I generally get when the sun's out.

It makes me feel better.

Our workload starts to increase because.

And that's not just workload from business and like work, it can be workload generally.

So I see this as like life admin.

We are having to do more things, put more pressure on ourselves for us to create this Christmas kind of setup.

We have family visiting.

We're visiting family that you might not see as often during the year.

So you can kind of see family stress would start to build as a result of all that.

Your dog's going to feel all of that, and your nervous system is going to feel all of that as well.

Your dog is going to feel that shift from this is what we usually do to this is what's happening now.

And it starts to feel like we're doing more and more.

And suddenly the things that you were managing in September now feel impossible.

So your walks might feel heavier, training feels harder, you feel less patient, so your patience is wearing a bit more thin.

You start thinking, I'm losing everything that I've worked on.

And especially if you've got a teenage dog right now.

So if your dog has, like, was a puppy in, what would it be?

Probably summertime.

So we're thinking, like summer puppies.

Your dog is coming into their teenage times now, or they might be in it now.

And if you've got a teenage dog and it's winter and it's December, life genuinely can feel a lot harder because you can feel like your.

Your dog has just, like, forgotten all the things that you taught them as a puppy, who they.

They might have been smashing those things.

They might be doing, like, their recall might have been awesome two months ago, but now it's just dropping off completely.

So you're starting to feel like, I'm losing everything that I've worked on right now.

But the truth is, you're not going backwards.

You're carrying more.

So think about all the things that you are doing now that you weren't doing before and the expectations that you've got on yourself and the pressure that you or other people are putting on you as well.

So you end up being the one that organizes all of the.

The meals or the visits, you know, that kind of stuff.

You're the one that plans Christmas, so you are just genuinely carrying more.

Your body is trying to protect you by pulling your energy back inwards.

It doesn't mean failure.

It's starting to mean that you are human.

That's all it is.

It just means you're human.

And your dog's not judging the dip.

I mean, it might feel like your dog is judging you sometimes.

And I genuinely look at my dog and I think, are you judging me right now?

But your dog's not judging that dip.

Dogs don't measure progress the way we do.

They respond to the state that we bring them into right now, not the checklist that we think we should have completed.

So, like, I try to make things as simple as possible for my clients.

So I do create little things that, like, little routine things, little enrichment menus, little things that you can do that helps you kind of tick some of these boxes.

But your dog's not expecting you to tick all those boxes and say, well, I haven't done this yet or I haven't done that yet.

So.

So it's pressure that you're putting on yourself when you feel behind.

Your nervous system is shifting into a subtle threat state.

So that can mean an increased self criticism.

So you know where I was kind of using that language?

I'm not good enough.

I why didn't I do this?

I should have done that.

That's where this increased self criticism is coming in.

Lower motivation.

Of course that is going to be the case.

And I've talked about motivation in a previous episode, so I'll link that in the show notes because I think that's going to be a good one because it helps you to kind of bring motivation back in some simple ways.

It means reduced creativity.

So when your creativity drops, it's gonna mean you're not gonna feel like you can feel motivated to do things and you're not gonna have those ideas in the same way as you you might have done previously.

And you're definitely going to struggle with regulating your emotions when you're in that subtle threat state.

You're going to be fight, flight, freeze.

You're going to potentially be a bit more snappy.

So when I talked about that patient strapping, that's potentially what it leads to.

So your brain is essentially saying, let's protect you by focusing on the problem, which makes you feel even more behind.

But the important thing here is you can't reset from a place of shame.

You can only reset from a place of safety.

When your nervous system feels threatened or overloaded, training really genuinely becomes harder because your brain is not able to access the part that learns, connects and adapts.

So it's going to feel more rigid.

It's not going to feel like it can feel fluid in the same way.

It's not going to be able to process learning in the same way.

And it's definitely not going to be able to build connection.

Feeling behind isn't a sign that you're failing.

It is definitely a sign that your nervous system needs a pause before it can re engage.

So a reset is not a big moment.

It isn't rewriting the whole training plan.

It isn't about starting it again on Monday.

A reset can be three gentle things.

I mean, I've talked about resets in previous episodes as well, things that can help your nervous system to reset.

So three things that I think are going to help you is lowering the bar to what is genuinely manageable right now.

So thinking about all the things that you've got on your like all the plates that you spin in.

What, like, lower those expectations, make those goals much easier to reach.

By lowering the bar right now, it doesn't mean it has to stay that low forever, but right now, make it so that it's manageable.

It's not about what you should do, not about what you see on Instagram, definitely not just what you can actually manage right now.

So a few examples that I've written down, having one calm walk instead of two, that's absolutely fine right now.

That is.

That is absolutely okay.

Five minutes of connection instead of a full training session.

So I actually say try and limit your training sessions to up to five minutes.

So every dog's different.

Their attention spans are going to be different.

So if they're giving you two minutes, make it two minutes.

It's absolutely fine.

So up to.

Up to five minutes of connection instead of a full training session.

If you do do more, say, like with a client that I give one of my protocols to, occasionally they take 20, 20 to 30 minutes, because we're talking about winding your dog down and we need to give them time to actually relax.

So if we try and limit ourselves to five minutes with that, that's potentially not gonna.

It's just not gonna work.

But if on that day or that week, that 20 to 30 minutes just feels too much, don't do it that.

For that.

For that day or that week, like, five minutes of connection is going to help you much more than doing that.

Trying to push yourself to do that 20 to 30 minutes.

Practicing one cue once, like, just make it simple for yourself.

Or a decompression sniff instead of a structured walk.

So I've worked with a client recently where we kind of said it probably would help if you just took your dog out and just went down the road and just took them like five minutes just for a good sniff down.

And they've got some.

Where their road is, they had some walls with some good sniffy spots.

So.

And it's a main road, so dogs definitely walk down there quite regularly.

So that decompression, sniffy kind of area is definitely going to help more than trying to push and take.

Take her out and try and build this structure and all the things, trying to get focus and engagement and all that stuff that was potentially too much in that moment.

So we kind of said, try that instead.

And that just makes it feel more attainable.

I can do that.

I can just pop outside, let them have a good sniff for, you know, 15 minutes.

15 minutes of sniffing is the same as a one hour walk, structured walk.

So as you're physically exercising your dog, it takes an hour.

It's a 15 minute sniff that's gonna make the difference to their brains.

So that's how it can help.

The second thing is looking for micro wins instead of measurable results.

So I talk about this a lot and it's really what helps genuinely progress at this time of year.

Could look like a softer exhale, so your dog softens quicker or you just notice how you're softening.

You know, how you are processing fewer arguments with the lead.

So, you know, there's like the less pulling happening.

It might still be happening, but it's happening less.

A gentler response to a trigger.

So there is still a reaction to something that your dog is triggered by, but it's just not as extreme.

That is a massive one, actually.

So it feels like a micro win, but actually a more gentle reaction to a trigger is, is a big win in my opinion.

You remembering to actually breathe, so thinking consciously about your breathing, that's a micro win because you're grounding yourself.

You're bringing yourself back into the present.

Rather than worrying about what's happened or worrying about what might happen, you're regulating yourself.

And that is, that is something that you can celebrate.

And your dog settling slightly faster.

So something that you've kind of noticed and you've gone, oh, yeah, you know, my dog is settling faster.

That is something to celebrate.

So they're meaningful things that you can measure and they're just like little things that unless you wrote them down, you wouldn't notice.

Your nervous system is going to respond to those even when you don't notice.

So consciously you might not be noticing, but subconsciously things do feel lighter.

So your nervous system is going to respond in that way.

It's going to say, well, things feel a bit lighter right now.

And then the third one is repairing your relationship with yourself, not perfection.

So feeling behind creates shame, which I've mentioned.

Shame is going to pull you away from your dog emotionally.

And the reset begins when you say, I'm doing the best that I can with the load that I'm carrying right now.

My pace is allowed.

This isn't being dictated by anybody else, it is being dictated by you.

And you might be putting pressure on yourself to go at a quicker pace based on the comparisons that you're making, like I've mentioned with other people.

But if you say my pace is allowed, that just starts to give yourself permission to slow down if you need to.

This season does not divine define Our progress, it is temporary.

Something that my friends always told me that I told her that really helps is this is temporary.

December isn't a forever month.

We.

We will find things slow down for us.

And we.

My pace right now is allowed to be slower than it might be in January or February or whatever.

Your dog doesn't want a new plan.

They want a regulated you.

And that is the gentlest reset that there is.

So those three things are really going to help you to actually reset.

So I want you to kind of reframe the things that you might be thinking about right now where you're thinking that you're behind, but you're not behind.

You're in a different season right now.

Mentally, emotionally, environmentally, your dog is adapting with you.

So every day that you show up, even if it's messy, even if it's inconsistent or imperfect, you are building that connection.

Progress isn't the absence of struggle.

So you potentially are going to struggle through making progress.

It's not.

I've never, ever said that this is easy.

I've said that making progress can be simple.

So the steps that you take are simple, but it's not easy.

Like quick fixes, they're just, you know, they're not going to give you the long term results that, that you actually want.

Progress is the ability to come back after the dip.

So, yes, we're in a season of busyness, life taking over, all the things that I've mentioned.

But it's a, it's the ability to be able to come back after the dip.

And you're doing that right now by listening to this episode, by caring enough to reflect.

I think it is a good thing to reflect and think about by wanting things to feel better.

You're doing all that right now.

So what if instead of asking, how do I catch up?

You ask, what does calm look like today?

Can you see how that's so much easier?

How do I catch up is I want things to be done quickly and it needs to be done like, perfectly.

And I just need to be able to do what XYZ does, like whatever it is.

And you can feel how tense that feels as a question.

But if you ask, what does calm look like today?

You can see how that's slower.

You're slowing down the pace.

You're making it about today, not about a year's time or six months time.

It's good to have a plan for the next six months, but right now that might just feel too much.

So what does calm look like today?

That is the question that rebuilds your confidence, it can rebuild your connection and capacity because it's slow, it's gentle and it's truthful.

So you can just start to build it based day by day for the season that we're in.

It is temporary and then come back kind of hitting the ground running in January because you're not behind, you're only human.

You carry in a lot right now and you are still doing your best.

Even if it doesn't feel like progress that you've made before, you're still doing the best that you can do.

Your 100% in December can feel like you're 50% in June, but it's still 100 that you're giving right now.

So your dog is going to feel that and they trust your pace more than you do, so they're just going to follow suit.

So my dog's pace is very slow.

She's in the background of the video.

So if you're watching on YouTube, you will see, you might see a blob and you're thinking, what is that?

That is my dog asleep on the sofa.

So that is our pace right now in the morning.

If this episode has helped you to breathe a bit easier, I really want you to share it with another dog parent who you might feel is behind too, because there are so many of us, I'm a dog mum, I'm a dog parent as well, who might feel like we are behind and the shame starts to kick in.

But sharing this episode really will start to help slow things down, get you back to a place of feeling like you can make that progress again, whatever that looks like for you.

What does calm look like today?

And I just want you to go check out the things that are available on the website.

So there's freebies.

I'll put the links in the show notes.

There's some freebies for overwhelmed dog parents that I have that can just give you some simple steps to follow.

There's the quick calm down kit.

So that's a really good one.

If you do want some nice exercises that you can do with your dog again, I want you to know you're not behind you rebuilding, not from zero.

You are rebuilding and it's one step at a time.

I'll see you next time on the Mindful Dog Parent.

Thanks so much for tuning in to the Mindful Dog Parent.

If this episode gave you something to think about or it's just made you feel a little less alone, I'd love it if you followed the show and shared it with another dog.

Parent who you felt needed it.

You'll find all the links and the resources mentioned in the show notes@lavendergardenanimalservices.co.uk podcast and I'd love to stay in touch, so head there if you want to explore more ways to work with me or get support.