Electronic Walkabout no one should have to walk through life alone. We share the good times, the bad times, and the best times. Everyone needs a little direction now and again. And TC and Mad Dog are here to show you the way. A podcast where we talk about the important things in life. Come journey with us. The Electronic Walkabout. Good evening, good afternoon, good morning, and wherever you are and in the world, welcome to another episode of Electronic Walk. About this episode, we try to make sense of something that will always be a challenge to any person at any time and anywhere in the world. Learning to accept and manage our emotions. This comes to life in Andra Day's song Rise Up. The song certified quadruple platinum in the U.S. he was nominated at the 58th annual Grammy Awards for best R B Performance and won the Ashford and Simpson Songwriters Award at the Soul Train Music Award. In this motivational song, Audra Day sings about rising up every day to keep working past our obstacles. Our challenges sometimes seem insurmountable, but if we keep fighting day after day, we'll overcome them eventually. To the point of this episode, we often hear you never know what someone is going through, so be kind. But what does this mean and how should we respond to this? So that's where we're going with it. It seems a little heavy, but I mean, it was funny the other day I saw someone wearing a T shirt that said be kind. I was just thinking about this episode. What are your thoughts so far, Mad Dog? And how are you this fine evening?

I am doing well, thank you, tc. Um, yeah, it's emotions. Wow. You didn't have a deeper subject to pick?

Oh, grah.

But yeah, to. To your question, you truly don't know what other people are going through. So when it says just be kind, I think that is a very good way to act. Unless there's need to not be kind.

Yeah, you know, I, I think. I think you hit the nail on the head and I often say you. You want to be treated like. Like you would treat yourself. That's how you treat others. And it doesn't change with anybody. And we don't. We don't know sometimes just doesn't matter what kind of a day you're having. I might ask you, so what made you smile or laugh today? Because there, there had to be at least one point in the day where that kind of came to life.

You would like to think.

You would like to think. How about you? Anything that made you smile or laugh today? Who?

Oh, man, now you're getting specific. Smile or Laugh. I always laugh at my children. That's a given. So that as long as there's one in the house, I'm laughing at them. But, you know, to your point, I have a quick little example of. You don't really know what people are going through. About a month ago, I went to the dump, and I had to throw away an oven. It's a cast iron. Heavy is all. Get out. And I was doing it by myself. And I'm like, whatever. I'm stubborn dad. I'm gonna do it. And so I backed up, and I took one side, and I looked up, and a guy walked over, and he just grabbed the other side, and he's like, okay, let's do this. I was, okay, thank you. So he helped me hoofed it in, and no problem. I said, you know, thank you very much. And when I went to leave, I did the whole. You know, he was behind me in line, so I paid for his dump load because he helped me. Like, he didn't have to. So. But I had the stickers for my gym on the back of my truck. So whatever. I. I said, you know, can you just pay for that, guys? If there's change, give it to him. So I left. And then later that night, I got a message from him because he saw the stickers, so he knew how to reach out. And he's like, you know what? He goes, I want to say thank you. He goes, I had the worst day. He goes, somebody broke into my truck, stole all my tools for my job. He goes, so that really made my day. And I. So that made me feel good, but that's not why I did it. But to your point, you just don't know what people are going through.

You don't know. You don't know what. Let's say that look, that's. Smile that. Whatever it is, it's. That's really going to kind of take that person off. That. That little. I'll just say that little edge that they're on for whatever reason, right?

So. And if you can make somebody smile, that's usually the. The best way, because there's, you know, there's a lot to be said about laughter and how it eases your soul and how you're feeling at that time.

Oh, yeah, for sure. Oftentimes you. You do it all the time. Okay. You'll see someone. Hey, how are you doing? Do you normally mean it? And I. I think it's just like.

Us being Canadian that we say sorry automatically.

Yeah, Sorry automatically.

Listen, and somebody is sick or you know that they're going through it. You realize that that's a loaded question that might not get a great answer if somebody's not having a.

And I know it's somewhat rhetorical, but by the same token, if truly I wanted to know how you're doing it, I'd say, really, tell me, how are you doing? Because, I mean, if you know someone, well, you know that, hey, I understand he's going through a few things. So if he wants to talk or she wants to talk, when I say, how are you doing? That's a little bit more than, I'm just fine. Let's carry on. Right?

And you can usually pick up how the person actually doing by based on their answer. Like, it's like, oh, no, I'm great. No, no, you're not. What's going on?

And I don't. I don't know what. Like, I know speaking from experience, like, a lot of times I'll say, I'm fine. I'm great, and just leave it alone. It doesn't matter what's going on, which is probably the worst thing you can do. You need to reach out and talk to someone that's willing to give you that ear that just feel. Feel better about yourself.

Jelly Roll's got that new song out now that I am not okay. And there's a verse in there that says, you know, I say that I'm fine, but I've just learned to h. So, yeah, that. That generic, oh, I'm fine. You just don't know what that means.

You don't know. Don't know. And I say listening might be a good start, but then where do we go from there, people? We all have life challenges, but, I mean, listening is a good start. But, like, how. How vested do you want to be in this person and their challenges? And we can only go so far. And at one point, they have to take the steps and really face those challenges head on. Yeah.

And I think one of the things that I've learned over time is that, you know, somebody says, you know, how you doing? And I'm like, well, you know, I had kind of a crappy day, and half the time it's the other person trumping you. Oh, well, my day was worse. Okay, well, you don't. You didn't really ask to find out how my day was. You just. It was a loaded question so you could jump in. So I've learned that, you know, when you ask that question, it's best that you listen to the actual response and kind of Reply accordingly.

Reply accordingly now. And I'm not going to get too deep with the thinking about this, but be kind, because you have no idea what that person's going through. So it's like. It's almost like you're afraid to say anything because you don't know what the trigger is. So, I mean, it's, it's, it's. I get it. But on the other hand, it's like feeling around in the dark. You and. And truly, all you want to do is maybe just have a couple of words with someone and be kind. Like, do we have to tell people to be kind? I don't know.

No, I think you either got it or you don't. But, you know, maybe we just need to start learning more openers. Like, man, it's cold out here. That stays away from all the other stuff.

So it's weird. People don't like to talk. And I always get a kick out of it in the elevator. Okay. And it was. Okay, so just Solicitor listeners know, my family and a bunch of other people were down watching Canada's national football game championship in Vancouver. The hotel that we were at, there was probably about 300 people there to watch the game. So you could imagine what the elevators were like. Like.

Yeah, vertical parties.

Vertical parties. And the thing about it, like, the, the door would open up and it would be full. No, no thanks. I'll get the next one. Right. But there'd be a couple times where you just go in and people are like dead silent. And it's just something that an elevator does to people. They. They don't know what to say. And, and you're trying to lighten things up. And, and one time I just said, does anybody have a drink in here? Of course there was this guy. The way in the back. There's no way I would be holding. Yeah, yeah, right. But.

But it's. I don't know, it's people sometimes, you know, you get in public settings like that and they're not comfortable just throwing it out there and just having generic conversation. But so, but good for you for starting it.

Well, it's. It's hard. It really is. I mean, and. And it's funny, I. One of the. One of the courses that I help out with, it's that whole next time you're on an elevator, just. Just say hello to someone and see where it takes you. Right. So. And it's, it's that whole. And where I'm going with this point is, is that like, be kind because you don't know Someone's going through, like, we can't even say hello on an elevator yet, that there's this expectation we got to be very careful what we say to people because we don't know what they're going through. And, and whatever we do could make that much worse. And I just, I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around that. Right.

You know, I, I, I got another example. This was same along the same line. I was in the superstore about three weeks ago, and there was a old lady. And I, I don't know what it is. Whenever I walk down a grocery aisle, I'm not the tallest guy in the world. I'm just over six feet. But I always run into an old lady trying to get something off the top, which I'm fine with helping with. So I, I went up to this lady and she was reaching and, you know, she seemed quiet and demure. And I said, can I help you with that? And she said, sure. And I handed it to her. And she looks at me, she's like, my husband used to be able to get all this stuff off the top shelf. And I just froze. And, and she was genuinely thankful and happy. But I, I, I didn't know what to say. And so I, all I could say was, well, I'm happy to help and I hope you have a good day. But I was, it was not the response that I was expecting. I was just trying to get something off the top shelf for her. But, yeah, dear, to the whole point of this ep, you just don't know.

You don't know. I mean, it's like if someone says, hi, how are you today? I'm not doing very well. Not very well at all. My dog died today. And that's a hard one because you've lived that. Right? So, like, I, well, I've lived there a couple times too, but it's, but it's not one of those things where you're just going to unload. That's too hard. No.

And it's a slippery slope because usually it's like you start talking about an animal in that regard, and it's immediate feelings, and then they're hard to kind of manage from time to time.

And like I said, I mean, if, if you do ask that question, how are you doing? And the person on loads with you, don't be surprised because you're the one, you're the one that asked the question.

Right?

I mean, it's not the response because again, nine, nine times out of 10 that how are you doing is a rhetorical question. So it's a script, right? So, and if, if they do unload with you, just listen to them, and you might not be the one that can help them, but you might be the segue to someone that might be able to help.

People just need to say a few words, right? Just to get off their chest, is to feel a bit lighter. You don't need to be their counselor, but. But it's okay to listen to them.

Well, I can tell you, I think I told you this story before last time, last time I was in Ottawa, time before, right? So I sat down on the bench, I was waiting for an Uber taxi or whatever, and this guy sits down beside me and he, I said, how's it going? Just like we're saying. First, first response. He said, my wife's a prostitute. So I'm thinking to myself, what am I going to say now?

How's biz? Like, why you say, is he saying that out of remorse, despair? Like, I, that's an interest.

It's an end. So I thought, I just thought, okay, well, I got to be honest. So I got to ask the question. I said, well, how's that working out for you? It didn't get any better.

No.

No.

At all? No.

He said, well, she ran away from me again today. And then that's what I said to myself, I gotta get out of here.

Uber can't come, because.

Yeah, I said, I said what? I, I, I'm sorry to hear all this, but I, I, I think you, I think I gotta leave. But you have a nice day. You know, I kind of. Yeah, I was just.

You asked.

I asked and I got what I asked for, but was I prepared to deal with it?

Right, so. Well, yeah, that one. And then, no, I hadn't heard that because I would have remembered that.

I don't know. But then, like, Jeanette, of course, my wife, for the listeners, don't know, she said, well, you know, you just go around, you'll just talk to anybody. I said, well, that's not true.

I won't. But, yeah, I was on a bench. I was sharing a bench with somebody.

Oh, I felt bad for the guy, but I, there's always more of the story. And, and I will say that a lot of times we, we are the author of our own misfortune. So, I mean, if you say be kind because you never know what someone's going through, if they're the ones that's caught causing it, then they need to, they need to change that too. If it's Something that's like they had no control over. That's a different story.

Yeah, but, yeah, they could be the antagonist in the situation, but you've asked and they're, they're going to dump on you and think that they're the victim.

And, you know, when you think about it, and here's, here's, here's a tough question, like, how do we look at these challenges from a positive perspective as a means and kind of moving forward with it because, like, it's the whole, the glass half empty, glass half full. But there's going to be times where there, there might not be anything left in your glass. So how do you, how do you kind of frame that in a positive way and move forward?

Yeah, I don't know. I think to your point, when your cup is full, you run out of empathy. You run out of kind of care for others because you have enough going on in your world to worry about. So, yeah, that's, that's a challenge. And it's just, I think if you're just nice at that point, you know, and doesn't need to be kind, but just don't be a jerk and you can still get through the day even if you have to talk to somebody.

Even if you have to talk to somebody. But I, but I will tell you this. And it, and it's, and it's, this is a good thing, very positive thing. In the past, no one talked about mental health.

That's men's mental health.

Men's mental health. Because we were afraid, I'm speaking to myself. Because we were afraid to. We didn't know how to deal with that. We didn't know how to deal with it personally. And so when, when you asked how someone was doing and there's a mental health element to that, we just run away from that. And if I'm the one that's actually having that challenge, I don't want anybody to run away. If they've asked me, I need that help.

Yeah. So, yeah, that's a, that's it. And it's, again, it's a era thing. You know, to your point, if in the, you know, 60s, 70s, early 80s, that just wasn't, wasn't a thing. So it was. Everybody either sucked it up, as we've, you know, heard that was a way to deal with it in the past, but yeah, nowadays I think people are a little more apt to talk about it because it is a little more out there. And I'm going to say accepted, it's always been accepted, but there's just a lot more focus and attention paid on it.

I. I'm just thinking here as we're talking here, and I'm thinking the word empathy comes to mind, and I think that's a good tack. But the challenge with that, not everybody's hardwired to react that way. And the people that are. And I'll say to the nth degree, I've got nothing but respect for those people.

I had to learn empathy. Believe it or not, when my wife and I first got together, I was not an empathetic person. And she kept saying, you have to be nice. So then it got to be a running joke where she would say something like, oh, my gosh, this happened. And I would go over the deep end. I'd be like, like, hi. She's like, too much. And I'm like, okay, I'll calm it down a bit. But it's not. Not everybody has that inherent skill to be empathetic. Sometimes you have to learn it.

Well, let's be clear. What is. What is empathy? And just a, I guess, layman's terms, because a lot of people say, well, empathy. I. I like. I will. We all have, I'll say, the gene that we should be empathetic. Yeah, but what is it? Is it. It. You're just, like, listening to what someone says and you're acknowledging their feelings?

I.

It's more to that.

Yeah. It's. To me, it just seems like you are not absorbing what they're saying, but you can really appreciate and, you know, empathize with what somebody's going through. So it's not just words that you're listening to.

You're.

You're picking up emotion and you're feeling what they're feeling. So that. I think.

I think you're right. There's that strong emotion, emotional aspect of that whole empathy. Because that's the whole point. Because if someone says, you have no idea how I feel right now, you are correct. And if. And if that were the case and I was an empathetic person or able to draw an empathy, I would be able to somehow kind of weed through that to get some kind of knowledge as how they might be feeling at this point.

Sounds like we're all supposed to be counselors.

Well, that, you know, that's. You know what? You hit the nail in the head. Because when I, when. When I. When I see this, just be kind. Because you don't know what someone's going through. I'm not prepared to deal with that. I'm just being honest.

With you.

I don't. I don't know. Yeah, but you're absolutely right that when you say it like that. That's it. I guess if we just. I always. I always say this. We just. Just respect each other and be kind and. And I guess is that. That being said. So we don't happen to add insult to in injury inadvertently, of course. Because you. You can't do that on purpose.

There's no way.

Right.

So. No. We always put our foot in our mouth at some.

Well, guys, they're more gifted at doing that than women. I would such.

Absolutely.

And I wouldn't wear that as a badge, I'll tell you.

No, no, not at all.

Well, there's that music. I'm not. Not quite sure where this episode took us. I'm hoping the listeners got something from it. But you know what? There are so many lessons in life that some, somehow we have to learn ourselves. Not new lessons, only new to the individuals who face them for the first time. More so when it comes to emotions. We were kind of talking about emotions. It's not meant to be this way. Let's lean on each other. It is normal to feel uncomfortable when someone confides me with their problems. Be empathetic with them and don't make promises you cannot keep in helping them. Know your limitations and be honest with them. More so we will all find ourselves with these challenges one or more times in our lives. It is never something to be embarrassed or ashamed about. If you truly care for these people, let them know you will have their backs and work with them to help them manage their challenges. This may include holding their hands during counseling for a simple hug. If you are facing challenges, be patient with yourself. We never know when our cheerleaders will appear. We just have to believe they will be there for us. Finally, do not be afraid to reach out and get professional help when these challenges are getting in the way of living our lives the way we were meant to. Anything you want to add on to that? Mad Dog?

I just. I think that Blockbuster had it right long time ago. Please be kind and rewind.

Okay. Remember to take advantage of the moment before the moment takes advantage of you. To learn more about Ewalkabout, please Visit us at ewalkabout.ca.