Andrea Rappaport (00:00)

You've got questions, we've got answers. On this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, we are answering questions posted by members of our private community And we are talking everything from community property, alimony, separation, GALs, just a general disdain for the divorce process. This is gonna be a good one. Here we go.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (00:56)

You know, Andrea, the biggest takeaway I hope that people get from listening to this podcast is that they make better decisions, being proactive and not reactive.

How Not To Suck At Divorce (01:05)

but being proactive about your divorce can come with a lot of uncomfortable feelings, especially when it pertains to your kids.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (01:13)

that's why I want you to consider using the co-parenting app to help with communication. We want you to look at the most court-respected app, Our Family Wizard.

How Not To Suck At Divorce (01:21)

visit the landing page that we created together. There is a ton of useful information and when you're ready to make the next step, our family wizard is ready to support you.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (01:31)

visit ourfamilywizard.com backslash not suck 20 to save 20 % off your first year of the essentials package.

Andrea Rappaport (01:39)

let me just say that I'm over everything right now. Like I just, I'm having one of those weeks, Morgan, where I want to change everything. I want to change my wardrobe. I want to change my makeup. I want to redecorate my whole house. like, what does that mean? What's going on?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (02:02)

Well, we are in spring, so I feel like that happens once in a while, but do also want to change your name? What else do you want to change?

Andrea Rappaport (02:08)

I don't know, Morgan. I don't know if it's spring. I don't know if it's depression.

I just want to change. I want to change everything. One of the things that I'm very excited to change is in the studio where I record, where I'm sitting right now, I have all these pictures of us from our last photo shoot. And I'm so excited to change them out and to put pictures from our new photo shoot

Morgan L. Stogsdill (02:34)

And you're so good You know, there's people that are so good with keeping up with changing out photos and feeling fresh. And I'm the opposite. I'm the opposite. Like I need to hire someone to come in and do that for me because that's just something on my to-do list that will never get done. I can get everything else done, but those are things that are not done. And you seem to always be doing amazing with that. But I will say I've been feeling it from you. I know when we're texting, I can feel that you're just not yourself.

Andrea Rappaport (03:02)

I bet I'm not alone. I bet that a lot people who are going through a divorce probably feel like, don't like this version of myself. I want to morph into somebody else. I want to, I want to modify my whole life while I'm sitting here working on modifying a parenting agreement. So with that, I want to get into these questions because we have a lot.

So for those of you who are not members of our private community, what the hell are you waiting for? Let me give you a little bit of insight. Every other Tuesday in our group, we have a place where you can post questions that you have for Morgan. And again, Morgan cannot dish out legal advice because she is not your attorney.

but she can help you give you a framework of what you should be bringing to your attorney or maybe some insight on why your attorney is saying this or not saying that. So with that, we are gonna get into this week's questions because there were a lot of them. Morgan does not have anxiety the way that I have anxiety, but I think the one thing that might give you anxiety is every other Tuesday.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (04:10)

know, usually we get about four questions on a Tuesday and I get hammered with those four questions during my work day. And yes, that gives me anxiety because I want to get back to our listeners, but I'm also knee deep in all of my work. And last, yesterday was Tuesday and I didn't get any questions. And I was like, this is awesome. This is so awesome. And then Andrea hit me at night and she was like, thank God you did this to me, Andrea. She said,

you know, tomorrow's episode, we need to answer questions. And I said, why? She's like, because we have 10. And basically I did not send them to you during the day because you might have had a heart attack. So we are going to hit them here today. It's a good thing because if people have questions that I read through the questions in advance, these are questions that a lot of people have. And if maybe you're not going through exactly that problem, think about it because it gives you ideas in the future. It might pop up.

It's something that gets your brain going. And that's why we're doing this show because you might run into it in the future. And if not, it gives you some ideas to think through to be smarter in your divorce.

Andrea Rappaport (05:13)

Okay, here we go. Question one. We've been separated for several months. Nothing is getting better. Neither one of us wants to call it quits. We own a few properties together. One of these properties is a quote unquote business, which

I totally get I did not put a dime into one of these properties because we keep money 100 % separate. When I address getting half of this property, my spouse flips out, but I made every single payment on it. So, what's the deal here? I know that I'm leaving money on the table by not doing something, but also talk me into why it's fair that I should.

I know that I ran the household, I worked full time, went to school, raised kids, etc. The entire time that my spouse had this business, I never profited from it or asked questions. But now they want to sell it and I'm not going to get anything. We've been married for a million years, etc. etc. What do I do?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (06:13)

Okay. All right. Let me caveat this by saying that everywhere in the United States, but also in different countries, everyone has slightly different laws. And so the first thing is to speak with a lawyer in your jurisdiction. However, I'm going to answer it like you're in my jurisdiction, which is Illinois. And Illinois is similar to a lot of other states. So with that said, the first thing I'm thinking is that we don't have all the information.

Some of the things that I'd want to know when I actually spoke with this person is, is there a law where you are that basically allows for non-marital property? Meaning, if did he, I'm saying he, did Chad put non-marital assets into this business before you were married or from assets that came from inheritance or something like that? Because that might change whether it's marital or non-marital. However, to me,

just hearing the facts that I'm hearing, I'm thinking to myself, girlfriend, get a lawyer. Number two, you're going to get screwed. Do not let these asset or this money from the asset get into his hands without you getting some of it. what happens is, is if the money goes to him and he spends it, it's sometimes really hard to get back. And so,

Even if you operated in the marriage separately,

You had your own bank account. All your income went into your own bank account. He had his own bank account. It all went into his own bank account. That doesn't mean that the assets in the bank account are his or hers. Where I am, that's marital. There's also something that you might want to flag for your attorney is if the business truly was deemed to be non-marital, is there a claim for reimbursement? Meaning, you're at home raising all the children, not working there, but he's working there.

He's working there, he's building up the business, he's building up assets, he's making income from the business. Shouldn't money be going into the marital estate for all of those efforts? That's something you want to flag for your lawyer.

Andrea Rappaport (08:08)

Okay, moving on. This next question has to do with kids and a GAL. And for those of you who are like a GAL, what's that? It's not your gal pal unless you're friends with this person.

A GAL stands for a guardian ad litem, and that is a representative or a legal representative for your children. here we go. Our GAL seems very focused on the last nine months since we split when my soon to be ex has become quote unquote, dad of the year. Yay, props to you, dad of the year. Doesn't seem to be taking into account his complete lack of stability prior.

There's a lot at stake here because we live an hour apart. Any suggestions on how to strengthen my case for custody of a two-year-old and a five-year-old? The five-year-old will be starting school in the fall.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (09:01)

That's a tough situation, first of all. So you need to know in your jurisdiction, what does the court have to look at? Is it the last six months? Is that maybe why the GAL is only focusing on the last six months or nine months? Can you go back and talk about what has happened before? Andrea and I always say it, it's so wonderful when you are prepared. And what I suggest that you do for the GAL is with your lawyer, create a timeline of all the behavior

that you have seen before Dad of the Year showed up to be Disney Dad. And there's Disney moms, we're not hating on the dads, this just happens to be, it seems like a female talking about her husband. So before he was Disney Dad, what did it look like? Create a timeline for the GAL to investigate or the attorney for the children to investigate so that they can see it. The other thing, if he is truly Disney Dad or Dad of the Year at this point, you want to really focus on why your area

where the children are residing and where you want them to go to school is better than an hour away where his area is. Maybe the schools are better. Maybe you have more community there. Maybe their best friends are there. Maybe your family is there. Maybe his family is there. Those are the things that you should be feeding to the GAL so that they can understand the overall outcome of this case and where it should land. But I will make one caveat here. It's super important not to annoy the GAL. That's not your lawyer.

you don't want to be hammering them with emails. You want to be clear, concise, and that's why we're talking about a timeline and it should run through your attorney first.

Andrea Rappaport (10:35)

and something that Morgan was talking about, which is a really smart angle. Anytime that you can make things not about your soon to be ex, but about outside elements that impact the wellbeing of the child, that's smart. Because if it just looks like attacks on this person, they're gonna read that. They're gonna take that into account, that this could just be that.

mom or dad doesn't like dad or mom because of their own issues. they're using the child as the, The pawn. So by bringing this is where our son went to preschool.

All of his friends are here, his community's here. He plays soccer down the road from here. All this is his community and this is why it's important that he remains here.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (11:27)

One thing you said, Andrea, that's so important is you said our son. And you also made the mention that if you go in and attack the other side, and that's your main focus about what a crappy dad he was, it's going to look like you cannot co-parent with this person. And also it's going to look like you've lost complete focus of what's important, which is what is the best interest of these children. There's so many times that we have, it's like nails on a chalkboard and you cannot do this. You cannot.

talk to your lawyer, your ⁓ GAL, or anyone else in the case about my children. It's our children, because when you're talking about my children, you're basically alienating that other parent, even if they deserve it. So just be careful about how you're talking.

Andrea Rappaport (12:12)

And again, divorce is a game of chess. I am not saying that you're wrong. I'm not just calling out the person who posted this question, anybody who feels this way. I'm not saying that the person you're divorcing is a good mom or is a good dad. They might be a total dick of a person and a total shit parent.

We're giving you this information as a way to really strengthen your case and your side of this for a GAL. That you always want to position it as, in my opinion, as mom, this is what is best for our child. And make it about all the other things and not just because dad is a piece of garbage, because they will not like that. OK. I have another question for you.

Is there any way that I can avoid paying my husband alimony? I started a new job in January, which bumped up my salary by almost $20,000. I now make over $20,000 more than him. What are the chances that I will have to pay him alimony? We've been married for over 20 years. We own a home. We have a child, yada, yada, yada.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (13:28)

Okay, we're getting, you know, launched by the females today and all the questions all right.

Andrea Rappaport (13:32)

We've got men

coming up, don't worry. We've got some men who commented and I love the men in our community. They're like some of my favorite people. Go on.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (13:40)

Okay, so there's some big factors missing here on that question. And I know that is, especially for women who are starting to make good money, and they're thinking about how used to work in the past, they're worried if I'm doing it all, I'm making the money, I'm potentially doing more with the children. This is a constant theme for women. What's missing in the question that is so important is, what is he earning? Where are you located?

those kind of things. And I know you might be rolling your eyes like, oh, this sounds like a non-answer, but these are super important factors because especially maintenance or alimony generally comes with a bunch of factors. It's not just like, okay, you make $20,000 more than them. So therefore they're entitled to maintenance. No, it looks at how long have you been married? Who's making what incomes? Whether somebody has less of an education is unable to get back into the workforce.

Like for instance, I'm going to give you a for instance. Let's just say she's making $70,000 and he's making $50,000. That's not that big of a swing at the end of the day, especially maybe if there's some child support being paid. So that's where I'd be like, well, I don't know at least where I am, but this is a maintenance or an alimony case. There could be different factors, but $20,000 in my mind difference might not be enough to move the needle to say now you owe them support.

Andrea Rappaport (15:04)

It's not like a simple little formula, like, yep, you're going to owe them. No, you're not going to owe them.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (15:09)

Exactly. Some other things to be prepared about with your attorney is know whether they just are voluntarily underemployed. Have they disregarded job offers or maybe offers in their company to move up in income, in assets? Maybe they just are working part-time. What are some of the factors that you think that they could have been earning similar to you? Or are there any factors that really kind of prohibit them from making good money?

Andrea Rappaport (15:37)

Let's stick with this topic. OK, we've got a lot of questions actually this week that came in about alimony or spousal support or maintenance. So here's another one. Do I need to put any type of clause in our MSA for if my soon-to-be ex can't pay spousal support at some point? I'm thinking a lump sum from their IRA or 401k for the remainder of our agreement.

Or would that just be resolved in court with a modification if that comes up?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (16:08)

That's a really great question. So there's two things that I think of right away. Number one is generally most agreements have that maintenance or alimony or child support is modifiable. Make sure in your agreement that it doesn't say that it's non-modifiable because that changes things. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it definitely changes things. If it's modifiable, certainly you can go into court and if you're soon to be asked, just say it's

If Brenda is owing you, and I'm just going to do round numbers, $2,000 a month, and all of sudden Brenda loses her job, then Brenda certainly would have the ability to go into court and try to modify it. The bigger concern, and I don't know, there's some factors missing here that I would ask, the bigger concern should be, what if Brenda gets hit by a bus tomorrow? And I'm supposed to get eight more years. know. I'm supposed to, you know, let me back up. Lawyers, we are...

Andrea Rappaport (17:03)

⁓ geez.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (17:09)

the biggest risk analysis people there are. So we're always thinking worst case scenario. So you have an agreement where you're supposed to get eight years of maintenance. You're one year in and Brenda gets hit by a bus. Your biggest concern and what you should think about in a marital settlement agreement is what kind of security can I get to ensure that my maintenance is paid if Brenda is hit by a bus? Generally, we don't generally put in security for purpose.

purposes of people losing their jobs. But we definitely put in security for people, you know, becoming completely disabled or sick and passing away or getting hit by a bus. That's important.

Andrea Rappaport (17:48)

Say hit by a bus one more time. This feels like a tongue twister. Brenda, Brenda, Brenda got hit by a bus. Okay. That's gonna get stuck in your head all day. I guarantee it. so moving on from Brenda and buses. Good Lord, that took a dark turn.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (17:50)

Goodbye, bus.

Andrea Rappaport (18:07)

I live in a community property state. Congratulations. Should large purchases like a vehicle purchased after the separation with their own funds be listed.

as one of their assets or only community assets are considered in the settlement.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (18:28)

So I don't

practice in a community property state, but my bottom line is yes, all assets, I don't care how they're labeled, should be disclosed. And so it's your attorney's duty to know all the assets and then make a determination with the backup documents of whether they believe that it's a joint asset, community property asset, or a sole asset, but not listing something in my mind is inappropriate.

Andrea Rappaport (18:52)

So I think part of the question is, does it matter that this purchase was made after they separated? And I guess my brain goes to, I mean, do we still have states where it's like a legal separation and that means that purchases are sort of in like a doesn't matter area?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (19:09)

There are states that do legal separations. ⁓ However, really what matters is in general, is the divorce filed? Or did you do a formal legal separation, like actual paperwork? Just saying that you're separated, maybe you're living in different houses, doesn't break the bonds of matrimony. You're still married. So that's what's important.

Andrea Rappaport (19:29)

another tongue twister. Break the bonds of matrimony. Break the, I don't know. This is just getting stuck in my head today. I have a more important question. Are you wearing my old blazer? Cause I saw the color and all of a sudden it brought me back. I love it on you. Oh my God. We share. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. Dun, dun, dun.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (19:40)

How did you know?

Thank you. Maybe I wanted something new.

Andrea Rappaport (19:53)

We finally had a hearing last week and got everything settled. Mazel Tov. We agreed on joint legal and physical custody 50-50. I'm a teacher. My soon to be ex is not a teacher and has a really wacky schedule. Once we got out and I put the days on the calendar, it's been a lot of back and forth and it's getting really messy. I'm wanting to tweak the logistics of the schedule.

But not back out of 50-50. I just want to tweak the logistics, like five days me, four days them with consistent days off. And again, this is just because their schedule is a wacky work schedule. If they refuse, can I fight over that specific detail? We have 10 days to get this order drafted, which is coming up.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (20:44)

I might have an unpopular opinion I feel for you. It's stressful. But I guess what I would say to you to be devil's advocate from what I'm hearing is two things. Number one, you knew about your husband's wacky schedule going into your hearing.

And it seems, unless I'm missing something, that you agreed to a 50-50 schedule. And then now, after you've settled it at a 50-50, you're trying to back out of a 50-50 because what you said is that you wanted to give five days and then four days. And so unless I'm not a mathematician, which I'm pretty decent at math, that effectively is not a 50-50 schedule. Am I missing something, Andrea?

Andrea Rappaport (21:21)

I think that from what this says that this person does not want to change 50-50. It says, I'd like five days with me and then four days with him when they have consecutive days off. So I feel like maybe this person is willing to give some flexibility so that it still remains 50-50, but it's more about the wacky schedule. But then again, you guys, I did this too.

You have to be so careful with what you agree to because to Morgan's point, the wacky schedule is the wacky schedule. And given what this person does for a living, which is not new, you have to take this into consideration. Certain jobs come with having wacky schedules. And since you guys did agree on something, your soon to be ex doesn't have to play ball with you.

because you agreed to this.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (22:16)

Also,

I see this too many times. You have to be so careful about this. The minute that you go back after an agreement and say, but wait, but wait, I have one other thing. Well, guess what? They have one other thing. And then now the whole deal is unraveling. And even if you're right, even if it was something that was slightly missed or maybe you didn't think it through clearly, and then now you're like, oh my gosh, this is a big detail that I should have caught. And now I just think it's no big deal. I'm gonna change it.

The minute you open that up again, you're opening up the full can of worms. And that is super concerning because it's almost like you didn't finalize it. You're just going back to the drawing table, more money, more time, et cetera.

Andrea Rappaport (22:58)

So here's what I would do. As somebody who has been in this position before, give them a sweetener, as Morgan loves to use that term. And no, I'm not talking about a packet of equal. recognize to your soon to be ex that this is kind of on you, right? I apologize. This is something, you know, I get that this is such a headache. This is what I'd like to do. And

as an act of good faith or whatever, I'm happy to give this. Maybe it means like for the first year you're giving them an extra holiday. Maybe it's a muffin basket. Maybe it's a gift card to The Gap. I don't know. Who does anyone still shop at The Gap? Is that even like, when was the last time you bought anything from The Gap? I don't know. No, but somewhere, right? Costco, give them something.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (23:35)

The Gap.

No, I don't know.

Andrea Rappaport (23:46)

so that you look like you're just not, and again, it's not, you're not bribing them. You're just saying, I get that this is annoying, but I wanna give you something. Morgan, you disagree.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (23:59)

I just think it's a dangerous road to go down. And yes, I think that the only way maybe you can get it done is without unraveling the whole deal is to say, hey, I made this mistake. This was on me. But here's why I think it's not in the best interest of the children for either side. And this is what I think we can do to fix it. But I agree with Andrea. Because I made this mistake, I'm willing to give you an extra holiday this year just to make it right.

something like that, but otherwise know that whenever anyone says, it's just a little thing, it's just a little thing to fix, it's never a little thing because the other side is gonna have a little thing as well.

Andrea Rappaport (24:38)

Well, I feel like we kind of made a mess of that one. And I apologize. But some of these questions, you guys, it's just messy. Because divorce is messy. There's no time. I mean, really, any time when we get questions from our private community, can we just say, yes, no, 44, right? These are all like, this is tough. And you know this because you're the ones going through this. OK,

So my ex has moved out, but we haven't yet finalized the divorce. Okay. Is that person still liable for paying half the bills, even though they're no longer living in the house or does everything now fall on me, including paying for ⁓

home repair expenses, utilities, all that stuff.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (25:21)

Okay, so I'm going to read between the lines here a little bit. It seems that they have a marital home. Let's just put it out there that they jointly own a marital home and that he, let's call him Chad, Chad is living in the marital home and Brenda leaves the marital home. And Chad is basically saying, whoa, whoa, whoa, Brenda, we still have this marital home. You know, are you going to pay some of the bills? The answer is it depends on basically if either of them, it depends on their incomes first of all.

That's first and foremost. The second thing it depends on is, if both have decent incomes, the reality is at some point both people under a divorce are going to live in two homes and now you're using income to pay for two homes as opposed to one. So at times, if let's just say Brenda was the high income earner, Brenda has all the money and she basically leaves the marital residence because she's like, I'm in control, I've got all the money.

and leaves Chad in the marital residence. Chad might have the ability through his attorney to go into court and ask that Brenda contribute to some of the bills. If they both make similar and Brenda just kind of leaves, the judge might say, well, you guys have to separate anyway. So both pay. Now he made or she made a comment about repairs. If there's a massive repair that has to be done, and I'm not just saying that Chad wants to repaint the kitchen, right?

Let's just say the water heater goes out and that's a few thousand dollars. Certainly, I believe that a court would make the other side contribute to something related to that or put it on the balance sheet in the future because it's a marital asset. So you don't get to enjoy the marital asset but not contribute to major repairs if and when it comes.

Andrea Rappaport (27:03)

Stick with the

theme. I'm one year post-decree. They wrote degree, but I'm pretty sure they meant decree. Or maybe they also graduated from school. Either way, congrats. My MSA stated that our marital home was to be sold. My ex blocked the sale by refusing to cooperate and sign a listing agreement. My ex was held in contempt and complied.

The realtor did their thing. We received numerous offers. I've accepted one and my ex refuses to accept any offer. Any offer that is not their offer and my ex has now applied to refinance the mortgage so that they can force a buyout by bidding higher than the offer that was received. Oy, oy, oy.

To me, this is yet another attempt at control. My ex is costing us both money because we're losing offers. My lawyer doesn't want me to spend more money litigating. To me, there's nothing to negotiate. We have an agreement. We have multiple offers. I simply want the MSA to be followed. What can be filed to stop the loan application and get a special master assigned to move this sale of the home forward?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (28:18)

Wow, that's a lot. And you know what? I'd be frustrated too. So I guess the question that I would have is what does your agreement say? Because most terms related to real estate and the sales process have these negotiated terms in there, meaning how is it sold? Who is the realtor? What happens if you get an offer or two? When do you have to accept? Is there a buyout clause in there so somebody could come try to buy it out?

But to me, I'm kind of operating on the fact that none of that is in there. If that's the case, I would go to court when you have a good offer and ask. It's not about him refinancing. It's about accepting the offer and ask that the court. think you have to litigate. I think you have to go to court and ask that the court mandate that an offer be accepted if it's a good offer. And so it's.

Andrea Rappaport (29:07)

mean, the other thing that

obviously you have to take into consideration is the juice worth the squeeze? Like how much money are you making from the sale of this house versus obviously your attorney is concerned about how much this might cost you in legal fees to litigate?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (29:12)

Totally.

Yes. And where I practice, you have to ask about where you are. But if you do have someone held in contempt, they automatically have to pay your attorney's fees. So to me, this is potentially another contempt issue, depending on how the memis say or the agreement to sell the house is written. If he's not complying, go to court and get the judge to force them to.

Andrea Rappaport (29:42)

Keeping with the house theme.

Is it possible for me to use retirement money to buy her out of the house? Or is she entitled to half and it's not realistic to think that she doesn't have any retirement and has been a chronic under earner? Under earner.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (29:58)

Hmm,

under earner, underemployed. We don't like those kind of people. I'm just kidding. ⁓ So bottom line is, yes, anything is possible. Anything is possible. You can get as creative as the other side will agree to, but this is a big but. You have to know what kind of retirement assets you have and how the taxes work. Each retirement vehicle is taxed differently.

meaning sometimes it's taxed when the dollars go in, but not when you take it out. Other times it's taxed only when you take it out. The tricky part is most lawyers are going to be smart enough to say, you're trying to buy them out with an asset that's taxable or they can't take it out until they're older. We don't want those assets. The other thing you can think about is figure out where the taxes are, meaning is it taxed when it comes out?

and maybe your attorney can run the tax liability and make up for it to make sure that it's almost like they're getting dollar for dollar. I suspect if you do it that way, that will hit the one hurdle, but the second hurdle is going to be, yeah, but I need the cash now.

I need to move out. I need to get a new house. I need to do X, Y, and Z. And I can't wait till I'm in my seventies or late sixties to start taking this without a penalty and taxes.

So know that that's going to be a discussion point if that's an offer that you're going to make.

Andrea Rappaport (31:24)

Well, friends, that wraps up our list of questions. which, my God, I all topics are stressful. I mean, I think that kids usually like top the list of the things that make us go, hmm, in the most stressful of ways. But your house, your money, I mean, that's right up there because again, like what else are we gonna fight about?

beyond the couple that you had years ago that argued over, what was it, balsamic vinegar?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (31:49)

You know it.

Andrea Rappaport (31:50)

Yeah, this is tough. This is this is tough stuff. And this is why it is so important that while you're going through this and you're losing your mind and pulling out your hair extensions over this chaos that you take a break, that you go and you do something else that helps you feel like, okay, I do have control over this.

Whether it's you jump on the elliptical machine. Do people still use elliptical machines? Maybe on their way to the gap? I don't know. You go get in your stair master and you climb those flights of stairs or you jump on a pickleball court, whatever it is that makes you feel a little bit better with your life, you got to go and do it.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (32:21)

I don't know.

Yes. And there's a theme in my mind on these questions because these are really good questions. And the theme is you will feel so much better about where you're going and when you have a strategy with your lawyer and when you know the risks. A lot of these questions lead me to believe that the right conversations potentially with their lawyers are not taking place. And so the questions would be, this is my concern, exact same question like you left in our community.

and ask your lawyer, what creative solutions do we have here? What's my biggest risk? What's my worst case scenario with this question? And what's my best case scenario? And hope that you land somewhere in the middle.

Andrea Rappaport (33:15)

And if you haven't asked your attorney this question because you're concerned about billable hours, I want to remind you of this. we just mapped out in the new version of the Divorce Crash Course, which should be available any day now, my friends. We have a whole episode of the private podcast series of the Divorce Crash Course and the online guidebook that talks about

how to most effectively communicate with your attorney here it is. If it's a simple question, if it's a question where your attorney can give you a one sentence response, that's an email. If you are looking for a strategy, that's a phone call. And whether or not you have an email question or a phone call question, we have it all mapped out for you.

We give you a template for a timeline that you can use. We give you a template for how you prepare for the most effective phone conversation. We also give you examples of emails that are good and emails that are bad. So just know that if you have something simple, that's an email. But if you're feeling really overwhelmed, which I think a lot of the people who posted these questions in our group, they're feeling really overwhelmed. Get your head straight.

Map out exactly what you're looking for, and then you get on an effective phone call.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (34:37)

I totally agree with you. And I can tell that they're feeling super overwhelmed. And a lot of the times, the reason you're feeling that way is you just don't have the information. And you deserve it in your case. You deserve it. Sometimes saving dollars only backfires on you because mentally you're struggling because you just don't have the information you need.

Andrea Rappaport (34:56)

And you could possibly be leaving more dollars on the table because you didn't think that something was worth pursuing. And so, you you let it go. Or you didn't ask your attorney, is this thing that I feel so emotionally attached to, is it really worth pursuing? Or is it not? is it going to cost me more money asking you questions and pushing this in court when in reality I should have just let it go?

and dealt with the feelings over it.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (35:26)

That's such a great point, Andrea. And you can have those conversations with your lawyer. Just be black and white, straight out ask them, is this worth pursuing financially? Or is this stupid? Am I gonna pay more to you than this whole issue is worth? Remember, join our private community. This is where people get their questions answered. we love the questions because your

You're feeling exactly how your neighbor is feeling going through this. They're the same questions that run through people's heads all the time.

Andrea Rappaport (35:52)

And this is why we do this podcast. If there were no questions out there, if divorce was something really easy, then we would have no need for a podcast called How Not to Suck a Divorce. But this is hard. This is not simple. This is not a one size fits all kind of thing. So we get it. And we are so honored that we get to be a very small part.

of a difficult part in your lives because our hope is that we're making this a little bit easier.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (36:22)

And that's because divorce is a marathon. It's not a sprint. We know this. We know every day is not a good day. Sometimes it's day by day. Other times it's hour by hour. But listen, if you like this podcast, if you walked away with one idea that you didn't have before you listened to it, please rate and review us. It means the world. It keeps us going. It allows us to bring on the fabulous guests that we do have and continue doing the show and addressing all your questions.

Andrea Rappaport (36:48)

The brand new version of the Divorce Crash Course is coming very, very soon. And my God, it is such a value. I think you guys will be blown away by what we are giving you and how much money this can help you save. Friends, I know you're tired. I know you are frustrated.

I know you need a break. again, I'll remind you when you feel like you need a break, take a break. You don't need to run away. You just need a moment. Here's my last throwback. As you might remember from one of my favorite series, Sex in the City, she says, when you're tired, you take a Napa. You don't move to Napa. You can do this. I know that you can do this and you have

Got this.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (37:37)

And we, my friends, have got you.