In today's episode, we have another listener request. Now for this one, there are two parts to it really, but they are linked. So let's have a look at them. For this listener, they're learning to drive. So the context here is what happens in driving lessons. And what they say is that As soon as they make a mistake, their anxiety starts to spiral and it's at the point when they make the first mistake that then they start to make more what they call silly mistakes, and their anxiety just builds and builds. Then the other part that they shared with us is that while they're scared about driving it's not of them driving. They're not scared of driving the car. What worries them is other people and what other people might do. So this is a common one again isn't it Kev?

it? Especially the second one, What if he pulls out in front of me? What if that cyclist just... Turns right without telling me, you know, what if and again, there's a lot of what ifs questions, but all about the actions of others rather than I'm in control then being able to stay in control, isn't it and It's so common. It is so common because I know we've said before, you know, we try and do hazard prediction when we're driving, but we haven't got that crystal ball to see what's going to happen, so how do we overcome

Yeah, and the truth here is that actually this is your wonderful brain doing exactly what it's designed to do. You're supposed to be predicting what might happen when you're driving. So your brain, it's natural for your brain to be coming up with these different scenarios, these different what if thoughts. Your brain is all about Keeping you safe and making sure you survive. So, there's something to be said there for, you know, thank you brain, thank you for, you know, keeping me safe.

And I know, um, the chimp, the chimp paradox again, your chimp is there, we, we, try to quiet him down because he's making all these suggestions and it's like no no I don't want to do that but the chimp is there also to warn us of danger in this you know we talked about the brain there but this is again if you think about the chimp the chimp is can help us as well and that's what he's doing which is great isn't it because there is potentially gonna be danger

Yeah.

But it's what do I do now?

Yeah.

we do

What do we do with those warnings and how do we work out which ones we need to take notice of and which ones we can say great thank you for the warning but I'm not sure that's really gonna happen. So there's a little bit again about that thoughts are not facts so that is that happening right now this moment and if it's not happening right now this moment then We can maybe file it away for future reference when it is relevant.

Yeah, and I suppose what you're doing almost is prioritising. You know, you need to do something but that thought, I don't need to think of that just yet, I need to deal with this first. So, you know, prioritise is a great way of thinking about that.

Yeah, great. And then the other thing is, is if you're concerned about other people's actions, I suppose there's something there about how likely is that to happen? So if we're seeing children in the road, then maybe there's more likelihood of that happening than another driver just steering randomly into us.

I suppose this is where my training side comes in. And, you know, you, how likely is it going to happen? But how often do we ask ourselves, well, if that happens, what am I going to do? Yeah.

Yeah.

So you're, you're taking that situation. Um. Create a scenario. What would I do in that situation? So again, we're storing that information. If this happens, this is what I do.

Yeah. Because the thing here is, our brains hate an element of doubt. If we have doubt, if we don't know what to do, so if we have that thought, I don't know what to do, immediately we'll get a spike of adrenaline or cortisol and we'll get a little bit of that fight flight freeze because we don't know what to do. Yeah, it's that element of doubt. We don't like doubt. So if we're coming up with scenario questions, get that scenario question, think it through, get it answered so that you do know what to do and you've taken away that element of doubt.

And you know, you don't even have to do this in the car.

No, of course not.

You can create scenarios yourself, and you can create them at home, watching the telly. But what you do is you create a scenario. What would I do if I was on a country road? As an example, and I'm coming round a bend and there's a horse, rider and a horse in the road, what would I do? And then you create your answer. Yeah. So the brain now knows, if this happens, this is what I do.

Yeah, and particularly there are certain scenarios like that one for example, where there are charities and associations where they give guidance on things like that. There are definitely guidance and advice videos on what to do with horses on the road. There are guidance and advice videos from well known, well respected organisations that can give you a lot of that information.

And that's what we're looking for, isn't it? You know, if you're driving on a quiet road, you know, you're saying, well, that might happen. Great. What we gonna do? What are you gonna do if that did happen? And even if it's a quiet road and there's nothing there, create the scenario for yourself and think, if this happened what would I do? You know, you might be going past junctions and as you're approaching that junction you could ask yourself what would happen if a cyclist all of a sudden pulled out? What would I do?

Yeah. So here we. can start to bring in the answering the what if scenarios, getting rid of that element of doubt, but also with a situation like that, perhaps we're going to change our driving to better prepare us.

Well this is part of when we're learning to drive, um, I don't think we do this enough. Because we might be just driving and, you know. It's really good because you're not working on that particular subject, but if we're looking at hazard prediction What you're doing is you have these scenarios all the time and you're you're starting to train the brain To think and that's what we really want. We want thinking drivers on the road So that if a scenario happens, I know how to deal with it But when you write it down or you tell yourself what you would do When you stop and you've got a bit of time, just say, is that the right thing to do? So again, you're starting to question yourself. It might well be exactly what you want to do. But if it doesn't look right, you think, Oh, no, I need to do this as well. Again, you're telling yourself what to do in that situation. So you can still change it. But it may never happen. That situation, cyclist pulling out of a junction, may never happen to you. But if it does, you know what to do.

Yeah. And I'm thinking, this is reminding me a little bit of, in some past episodes, you've talked about driving in a bubble.

Yeah. So

I think that could be really useful for somebody who's concerned about what other people, what other road users might be doing.

Yeah, exactly. So what, um, if you haven't heard that episode, I'll give you a brief little, introduction on what it's all about. But driving in a bubble is basically driving with an imaginary bubble around your car, a safety bubble. So nothing comes into your bubble. And if it does, the bubble pops and that's not good. So when you're driving, have a safety bubble around your car. The smaller the space that's available for you, the smaller the bubble. The faster you go, the bigger the bubble needs to be. That's basically driving in a bubble. Uh, some people might call it driving defensively, but again, it makes more sense to me driving in a bubble because I can visualize

can visualise your bubble in front of you and behind you. And to the sides. And to the sides of you. So if somebody gets really close up to you, behind.

Yep. I think of my bubble.

And what do you do with your bubble?

I increase it. So let's, let's give you an example where someone's behind me, um, which is again, quite common for people to think about. Someone's really close to me. I'm doing 30 miles an hour in a 30, but the, the, my bubble is set. It's quite nice. But then the person behind me. comes too close. It's driving too close behind me. So what I do is I just increase the bubble in front of me. So what happens is I've still got my safety bubble. It's just bigger in front than it is behind. And if I have someone slow in front of me, what I do is I will still stay a safe distance, but the bubble may well increase behind me. Because of what's happening in front, but you're going slower, so your bubble is going to be smaller anyway. If we're in a situation where there's loads of parked cars, and there's only enough room for one car to come through, before I make that decision to pull out, I would need to pull in or stop, but I stop in a safe place, or I've prepared a safe place for me to stop, so that my bubble is still... I'm controlling me. I feel safe because my bubble's safe. I can't control what other people would do, but I can control what I need to do in that situation.

Yeah. And so you're driving in a way that while you can't control others, you can minimize their effect on you.

Yeah, and it links back to what we were talking about at the beginning. You know, those scenarios, I drive at a speed, so if something happens, I can stop safely or I've got time to make a decision on what to do for that situation. So, Yeah. Thank you. The situations we're talking about today are linked. I can't control what others are doing, but I can control me, and I've practiced it enough so that if this situation happens or develops into more of a hazard, I'm still in control.

Yeah,

If someone decides to overtake someone, I can still control my actions. Again, because I've got the bubble around my car, if I have to brake, I know the car behind me can stop in time as well. So, again, it's about controlling your driving so you feel more confident in making a decision with others driving.

Great. Okay, so I think we've covered that one nicely. Now, the other part of that that I mentioned at the beginning was that when they make a mistake, their anxiety starts to spiral. So they start to make more mistakes and then make more mistakes and feel more anxious.

So let's, let's think about, um, first off for me is as, as an instructor, I put my instructor head on at the moment, but think about what is that mistake? You know, and another example might be someone, Oh, I didn't signal at that junction. What's happening now is the fort, yes you didn't signal that junction, did it affect anyone? Not really. So, you know, we got away with it, for want of a better word, we got away with it. Um, but what happens is, we're still thinking about that fort.

thinking about that thought.

Yes, driving down the road, parked cars. car coming towards you, we're still thinking about that signal that we haven't put on and then we pull out to go around the car and all of a sudden there's a car coming towards us we've nowhere to go because we're not thinking.

Yeah, we're not paying attention to our driving in the moment. We're still thinking about our mistake. That's why it leads to us making another silly mistake. And then no wonder we start to feel anxious.

And I suppose what I'm, in my head, what I think when that happens is it's a snowball. Yeah. Running down a, rolling down a hill. It's just getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger until it's, it's, it's massive.

Yeah. And actually, we've all experienced that sensation in all sorts of different scenarios. So not just driving, but those things. For example, when you're running late and so you're running late, so you rush and then you drop that and then you can't find that, and then you, because you can't think straight. And those snowballs happen in life. All the time, don't they? Exactly.

Yeah, exactly. But it's... Okay, that's happened. Thanks for telling me. What I need to do now is this.

So there is a thing there of going, yep, I made a mistake, but we survived, let's focus on the drive in right now.

If it's a serious mistake though, you know, something that's, oh, and you, the option is just to pull over,

Yes.

stop.

Yep.

You know, that's, a lot of people when they're driving, don't do that.

Yep. When it's safe to do so, pull over, stop, calm yourself down in, you know, think it over. What did you do? What do you need to do? Is there anything you need to do next? Pause, reset before carrying on with your journey.

Yeah, because you don't want to become a snowball. So that is one way of doing it, isn't it? You know, one mistake leads to more anxiety. Well, instead of dealing with one mistake, you're now dealing with four or five. No wonder why your anxiety levels go high. So if we can reduce that, one of the reasons you reduce it by is pausing. Or, that's happened, I need to do, move

Yeah, I mean that reminds me of that time when that tractor nearly hit me on a roundabout. It didn't stop. I was on a roundabout and I looked to my left and thought, God, that tractor's going fast, and it never stopped and I had to Um, and it, it, it missed me by inches and yeah, it was horrible and I did, I was shaking and I had to go and find somewhere to pull over because my driving would have been appalling

But you wouldn't have been concentrating on the driving, would you?

been, no, I would have been replaying the incident. I would have been going over, I would have been thinking of the what ifs, you know, I would have. Probably imagined all sorts of awful things, but instead, as soon as I could, I pulled over and I just gave myself some time and actually used every trick I know. Which is

Which, which is probably quite a long

Yeah. Because we

'cause we do know quite a few tricks, but it's, it's the most important thing is to realize how you're feeling.

Yes.

You know, that is one of the, the, the, the key elements there, isn't it? Notice And for that person that says their anxiety, One mistake leads to more, and then get higher anxiety. Great, you've noticed it. Now you need to deal with it. And how do I deal with that? It might well be stopping.

Yeah, it might be taking a reset and using one of the tips that we've put on all the other episodes. So, you know, some breathing or a mindfulness reset where you're noticing what you can see, what you can hear, what you can feel, humming, singing. All of those things. Now the other thing I thought about with this one was that to take your mind off the mistake and keep your attention on your driving is to move into talking to yourself, talking through your driving and what you need to do next.

Yeah, and I suppose what we're doing there is, okay, you've made a mistake. Then talk yourself through what you need to do. It's like think back and again you've probably practiced this hopefully in your lessons or a previous time when your driving's been good, you talk to yourself. We'll do the same again because again we go back to the brain, the brain's got that memory there, it can use it again can't it? And that's what you're doing, you're just using those good examples of what you've done before to tell yourself to How to do it.

Yeah, definitely. It keeps you focused, keeps your attention on your driving, so you're less likely to make mistakes. You're instructing yourself, you're calming yourself down, and you're not leaving room to replay that mistake that you made.

you made. Yeah, you're giving yourself time to concentrate on the task rather than the thought.

Rather than the thought and the past. And, you know, it is useful to acknowledge I made a mistake there. And for this listener they're having lessons. So it might be that they will have a conversation with their driving instructor at a point when they're having a debrief on the side of the road when it's safe. If the mistake was something important.

When it's safe. it's levels of fault, isn't it? Levels of a mistake. Um, and again, you know, relate that to a driving test. You get minors, you get seriouses, you get dangerous faults. You know, where does that first mistake relate to? Is it a little minor mistake that didn't really affect anybody?

That we all make.

Yes. You know, even me, um, I'm going to admit that, but this is how we move past that, you know, it is, yes, it's not the ideal way to drive, but we can never be perfect.

And we are not aiming for a perfect driver. So, you know, if you have a level of perfectionism there, then that's gonna make driving tough

And... I have this a lot, you know, I want it to be perfect. What does perfect look like?

So, to summarize, you can practice your what if scenario so that you do know what to do if that scenario ever comes up. But... Find out what you need to do. Log it in your databanks. Don't dwell on it as a constant worry. Is it likely to happen? Isn't it likely to happen? Those are the things to think about and find out. Practice some strategies so that if you do make a mistake, acknowledge the mistake. and move on from it, or if it was too much to be able to move on from, then find somewhere safe at the side of the road to do a bit of a reset before continuing with your journey. Talking to yourself to keep your attention on the road can be really helpful to stop you making more mistakes and to stop that anxiety from spiralling.

And again, you know, we've, we've just set some homework for people. I quite like that, but we'd love to hear how you're getting on. So if you do go out and practice scenarios, tell us what you would do. Tell us if you've, this scenario actually happened.

Yeah, um, what is the scenario that worries you? And I can think of a scenario that... Probably, I've had in my head, ever since there's a particular junction that I always think, Oh, what if that happens? It's never happened in all the time I've been driving. But, sometimes it is useful to have a think about it. So what's your scenario? Let us know. Our contact details are in the show notes, as always, and don't forget to share this episode with anyone else that you think might find it helpful. And so all that leaves us to say is, until next time, have a great day, whatever you're doing.