1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,260 Hi, I'm Justin Sunseri. 2 00:00:01,280 --> 00:00:05,680 I am a therapist, a coach, and the creator of the Polyvagal Trauma Relief System. 3 00:00:05,736 --> 00:00:09,666 This is the second episode of my shutdown experiences survey results, 4 00:00:10,016 --> 00:00:12,866 so if you haven't watched the one right before this, I highly recommend 5 00:00:12,866 --> 00:00:14,136 you go watch that one first. 6 00:00:14,224 --> 00:00:17,954 This episode, I'm going to share more of the survey results, like how far 7 00:00:17,954 --> 00:00:22,069 away safety feels from someone who's in shutdown, how much time they spent 8 00:00:22,069 --> 00:00:25,899 in shutdown and the actual words of the respondents who are in shutdown 9 00:00:26,279 --> 00:00:27,999 about what it's like to be in shutdown. 10 00:00:28,253 --> 00:00:31,713 So get ready to receive some validation and normalization. 11 00:00:31,723 --> 00:00:34,793 You are not alone in your shutdown experiences. 12 00:00:35,633 --> 00:00:39,253 Welcome to Stuck Not Broken, where I teach you how to live with more calm, confidence 13 00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:43,433 and connection without psychobabble or woo This is of course not therapy, 14 00:00:43,463 --> 00:00:45,473 nor is it intended to replace therapy. 15 00:00:45,538 --> 00:00:47,118 Okay, so shutdown is disconnection. 16 00:00:47,118 --> 00:00:49,058 We know that based on the last episode. 17 00:00:49,618 --> 00:00:51,468 That was made really, really clear, right? 18 00:00:51,668 --> 00:00:56,608 The general experience of shutdown is disconnection from yourself, from 19 00:00:56,608 --> 00:00:57,988 the environment, and from others. 20 00:00:58,648 --> 00:01:01,628 Part of this disconnection is numbness, like physical 21 00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:02,828 numbness, emotional numbness. 22 00:01:03,328 --> 00:01:07,748 Part of this disconnection could be actual dissociation, being cut off from 23 00:01:08,158 --> 00:01:12,548 yourself, feeling like you're not in your body, or feeling like reality isn't real. 24 00:01:12,598 --> 00:01:15,958 But both of these things have to do with the safety state. 25 00:01:16,008 --> 00:01:18,928 If you don't have access to your safety state, it results in defense. 26 00:01:18,928 --> 00:01:22,878 That could be flight, or fight, or shutdown, or freeze, but you 27 00:01:22,878 --> 00:01:26,498 have to have access to your safety state in order to feel connected. 28 00:01:26,633 --> 00:01:30,413 Shutdown is the furthest rung down the polyvagal ladder, so it's the 29 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,723 furthest away from the safety state. 30 00:01:32,963 --> 00:01:37,533 So that begs the question, how far away does safety feel from shutdown? 31 00:01:40,054 --> 00:01:41,434 There were five options to pick from. 32 00:01:41,444 --> 00:01:42,874 I'll read you the results of each one. 33 00:01:43,374 --> 00:01:49,844 The highest one at 42 percent is, "I can't even see my safety state from here." 34 00:01:50,514 --> 00:01:54,764 This sounds like a significant amount of shutdown, they can't even see it. 35 00:01:55,414 --> 00:01:59,314 The safety state seems completely unreachable from this state, from 36 00:01:59,314 --> 00:02:00,954 this deep shutdown experience, I mean. 37 00:02:01,574 --> 00:02:03,804 They probably don't even know how to access their safety state. 38 00:02:03,814 --> 00:02:06,664 That's pretty common for someone to shut down, not to know how to feel or 39 00:02:06,664 --> 00:02:08,154 how to experience what's within them. 40 00:02:08,324 --> 00:02:10,354 And that includes their safety state. 41 00:02:10,504 --> 00:02:11,374 They don't know how to feel it. 42 00:02:11,374 --> 00:02:12,684 They don't don't know how to access it. 43 00:02:13,184 --> 00:02:16,454 The person who's feeling like their safety state, like they can't even see it. 44 00:02:16,964 --> 00:02:20,214 That person's probably in a pretty hopeless, helpless, 45 00:02:20,304 --> 00:02:21,884 unmotivated kind of state. 46 00:02:22,534 --> 00:02:27,684 Sensory safety cues might be the most accessible, uh, something that helps 47 00:02:27,684 --> 00:02:31,524 you to connect to the environment, connecting to the self, recognizing your 48 00:02:31,524 --> 00:02:33,104 emotions, connecting to other people. 49 00:02:33,524 --> 00:02:35,634 That might be too much to ask. 50 00:02:35,644 --> 00:02:41,214 So using your senses in a lower stimulation environment, that might 51 00:02:41,214 --> 00:02:46,834 be the most accessible way to, uh, to feel some level of safety or some level 52 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,044 of grounding to the present moment. 53 00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:52,404 I highly recommend reduced stimulation and work on increasing 54 00:02:52,404 --> 00:02:54,034 your passive safety cues. 55 00:02:54,534 --> 00:02:57,634 The second option is "I see it, it's possible to get 56 00:02:57,634 --> 00:02:59,174 there, but I don't know how." 57 00:02:59,224 --> 00:03:02,274 And this was about 12 percent of the respondees. 58 00:03:02,884 --> 00:03:06,384 So this person has some level of safety that they've touched upon 59 00:03:06,404 --> 00:03:09,474 in the past although and they have the capacity to still but 60 00:03:09,474 --> 00:03:11,154 It's just a pretty big challenge. 61 00:03:11,554 --> 00:03:17,284 So it might be best to focus on sensory safety, but also memory and imagination. 62 00:03:17,749 --> 00:03:21,109 Imagination and memory functionally are pretty much the same thing when 63 00:03:21,109 --> 00:03:22,799 it comes to anchoring and safety. 64 00:03:23,189 --> 00:03:26,769 But if you use the memory in particular, it might help you to 65 00:03:26,769 --> 00:03:31,699 focus on a specific aspect or specific experience of safety from the past. 66 00:03:32,359 --> 00:03:35,799 So that might be an accessible way to experience safety again today, 67 00:03:36,569 --> 00:03:38,199 even while existing in shutdown. 68 00:03:38,679 --> 00:03:42,009 Imagination plays a similar role, but that's something you have to create 69 00:03:42,059 --> 00:03:43,849 with you, with your mind, obviously. 70 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:47,359 The next option is, "I touch into my safety state every now 71 00:03:47,359 --> 00:03:49,019 and then, but I lose it easily." 72 00:03:49,019 --> 00:03:51,639 And this is about 22 percent of respondents said this. 73 00:03:52,139 --> 00:03:54,799 This sentiment is pretty common. 74 00:03:54,799 --> 00:04:00,289 I think that people who come to my courses and community, but also to my content 75 00:04:00,289 --> 00:04:05,709 here on YouTube or here on my podcast, They're kind of in this boat where they 76 00:04:06,029 --> 00:04:11,369 have an experience of safety and maybe they can do something on purpose to feel 77 00:04:11,369 --> 00:04:14,829 that way, to feel more safety in their system, but they can't hold on to it. 78 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:18,389 So like they know there's something there that they can actively work 79 00:04:18,389 --> 00:04:22,569 towards and maybe even do things that just sort of feel better, 80 00:04:23,009 --> 00:04:24,189 but they lose it really easily. 81 00:04:24,189 --> 00:04:26,039 So this is, I think this is a common, not just in shutdown, 82 00:04:26,039 --> 00:04:27,789 but from any defensive state. 83 00:04:28,454 --> 00:04:31,654 But this indicates to me that you're building self regulation. 84 00:04:31,654 --> 00:04:34,284 There's something that's going right here as far as self regulation 85 00:04:34,654 --> 00:04:37,404 and your safety state and maybe even building your vagal brake. 86 00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:39,974 The safety state is strengthening. 87 00:04:40,004 --> 00:04:44,104 So it's accessible, but it's hard to hold on to it, which is a pretty normal 88 00:04:44,304 --> 00:04:47,564 part of change and trauma recovery or any self development really. 89 00:04:47,614 --> 00:04:54,124 definitely start with or maybe solidify passive safety cues in your environment, 90 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:58,904 then mindfully utilize more active means. 91 00:04:59,374 --> 00:05:02,624 So that means set up your safety environment at home, things that just 92 00:05:02,624 --> 00:05:04,384 sort of generally feel better than not. 93 00:05:05,209 --> 00:05:09,089 But then actively do other things that could be yoga stuff. 94 00:05:09,089 --> 00:05:12,849 It could be some meditation stuff It could be using your senses. 95 00:05:12,939 --> 00:05:18,179 It could be movement based There's a lot of options But actively do those things 96 00:05:18,189 --> 00:05:21,569 mindfully like really experience them in your safety environment that might 97 00:05:21,569 --> 00:05:26,779 help get you to that next level The next option is "I feel safety often But I'm 98 00:05:26,779 --> 00:05:32,819 still in shutdown often too" and this was also at 22% And that's completely okay. 99 00:05:32,819 --> 00:05:33,989 Keep focusing on safety. 100 00:05:34,579 --> 00:05:38,929 And eventually that shutdown, the immobilization of shutdown plus 101 00:05:38,929 --> 00:05:40,809 safety will turn into stillness. 102 00:05:40,809 --> 00:05:44,619 And stillness is the ability to, to not move and be okay with it. 103 00:05:45,149 --> 00:05:48,379 Stillness, uh, results in mindfulness or more mindfulness. 104 00:05:49,069 --> 00:05:51,739 It results in meditative practices. 105 00:05:51,869 --> 00:05:53,659 It results in being able to go to sleep. 106 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:54,819 Stillness is. 107 00:05:55,129 --> 00:05:55,569 huge. 108 00:05:55,699 --> 00:05:56,769 We do it all the time. 109 00:05:56,769 --> 00:06:00,199 I'm being still right now in this chair as I record this podcast. 110 00:06:00,699 --> 00:06:06,129 So shutdown eventually might turn into stillness if you practice 111 00:06:06,139 --> 00:06:10,129 safety enough and really deepen your anchoring in your safety state. 112 00:06:10,629 --> 00:06:13,139 But from that, that deep enough safety anchoring and from 113 00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:15,849 stillness could come mobilization. 114 00:06:15,919 --> 00:06:20,669 So if you can successfully immerse yourself into a shutdown that is 115 00:06:21,119 --> 00:06:26,589 deeply connected to safety, then your self regulation might take that 116 00:06:26,599 --> 00:06:30,929 next step and climb up the polyvagal ladder into fight and then flight. 117 00:06:31,419 --> 00:06:34,019 But you might notice some mobilization coming into your system. 118 00:06:34,029 --> 00:06:35,269 That's a really good sign. 119 00:06:35,699 --> 00:06:38,309 And again, stay anchored in your safety state and allow that 120 00:06:38,309 --> 00:06:40,239 mobilization to come as it does. 121 00:06:40,739 --> 00:06:46,089 And the last option with only one person who selected it says "I have 122 00:06:46,109 --> 00:06:47,879 lots of access to my safety state. 123 00:06:48,079 --> 00:06:50,429 I experience shutdown as stillness." 124 00:06:50,929 --> 00:06:51,949 One person said this. 125 00:06:51,949 --> 00:06:53,359 Congratulations to that one person. 126 00:06:53,359 --> 00:06:54,369 Whatever you're doing, keep it up. 127 00:06:56,204 --> 00:07:01,014 The next question on the survey is how long have you been in shutdown? 128 00:07:01,064 --> 00:07:02,874 So I'm a therapist. 129 00:07:02,984 --> 00:07:03,684 I'm a coach. 130 00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:09,234 I run my private trauma recovery courses in community and I get messages 131 00:07:09,244 --> 00:07:11,384 from podcast listeners all the time. 132 00:07:11,384 --> 00:07:17,034 So I know how long people can exist in shutdown or any defensive state. 133 00:07:17,164 --> 00:07:23,354 So this isn't exactly a surprise to me, but I know also that when people hear that 134 00:07:23,354 --> 00:07:26,724 they're, they've existed in a shutdown state for a long time and that they're not 135 00:07:26,724 --> 00:07:29,004 alone, that they're, they're surprised. 136 00:07:29,014 --> 00:07:32,314 So these, these results might surprise you, but it's super common. 137 00:07:32,629 --> 00:07:35,199 to be in a shutdown state, or really any other defensive state, 138 00:07:35,499 --> 00:07:37,119 for a very long time, even decades. 139 00:07:37,669 --> 00:07:41,879 Childhood, of course, always plays a role in our current states, 140 00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:46,419 our, the way we were parented, our upbringing, our neighborhoods, our 141 00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:50,249 companions growing up, all these things affected us for better or worse. 142 00:07:50,259 --> 00:07:53,729 I know it sounds like a very therapy- ish kind of thing to say, but it's true. 143 00:07:53,784 --> 00:07:57,034 Our nervous system adapts based on the needs of the context, 144 00:07:57,034 --> 00:07:58,474 based on the needs of survival. 145 00:07:59,014 --> 00:08:03,744 So if you needed to exist in a shutdown state in order to get your needs met, or 146 00:08:03,834 --> 00:08:08,254 to get through the day, or to get through the moment repeatedly, then you likely, 147 00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:11,834 or your nervous system likely would have developed in a more shutdown state. 148 00:08:12,334 --> 00:08:14,414 Alright, so let's take a look at what the respondents said. 149 00:08:15,034 --> 00:08:19,764 At the highest was 24 percent of respondents saying that they had 150 00:08:19,764 --> 00:08:22,674 been in shutdown for 1 to 3 years. 151 00:08:23,174 --> 00:08:28,774 Four years ago, well, three to four years ago was the COVID pandemic lockdown 152 00:08:29,014 --> 00:08:31,314 forced isolation pretty much globally. 153 00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:36,744 I tend to think that the 24 percent of respondents who said that they've been 154 00:08:36,744 --> 00:08:40,574 shut down for one to three years, it probably has something to do with that. 155 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:46,974 I imagine that if I had, in 2020, done the same survey with the COVID 156 00:08:46,974 --> 00:08:52,864 quarantines, the civil unrest, a very intense election within the USA, the 157 00:08:52,864 --> 00:08:56,204 number of people in shutdown probably would have been higher, I assume. 158 00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:59,524 18 percent of respondents said that they have been in 159 00:08:59,524 --> 00:09:01,074 shutdown within the past year. 160 00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:05,724 3 percent of respondees, or two people, said they had been in 161 00:09:05,724 --> 00:09:08,374 shutdown for 41 to 50 years. 162 00:09:09,024 --> 00:09:14,264 And 7 people, or 10%, said they'd been shut down for over 50 years. 163 00:09:14,814 --> 00:09:17,514 Shutdown can exist for a long, long time. 164 00:09:17,714 --> 00:09:21,444 For the people who said that they've been shut down for over 50 years, 165 00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:26,674 think about what were, what was the attitudes about mental health back then? 166 00:09:26,994 --> 00:09:30,184 What was the attitude about mental health and speaking up about your emotions 167 00:09:30,184 --> 00:09:32,884 or seeking help uh, 50 years ago? 168 00:09:33,384 --> 00:09:34,844 What did their families teach them? 169 00:09:35,094 --> 00:09:38,724 What were they taught to recognize and express in their emotions? 170 00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:43,344 Were they taught to recognize and express all of their emotions, or just some of 171 00:09:43,344 --> 00:09:48,294 them, or to repress them, to keep quiet for the family, to keep quiet for, well, 172 00:09:48,294 --> 00:09:50,104 whatever group that they're part of? 173 00:09:50,604 --> 00:09:54,674 One of my community members actually during one of our meetups, she said 174 00:09:54,674 --> 00:09:59,244 that to be a quote unquote, good little girl meant to not express 175 00:09:59,244 --> 00:10:00,154 yourself when you were young. 176 00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:02,344 Actually a couple of the women in my group have mentioned 177 00:10:02,354 --> 00:10:03,374 something very similar to that. 178 00:10:03,874 --> 00:10:07,094 Those results were at the low end and the high end there was also stuff in the 179 00:10:07,094 --> 00:10:11,554 middle But I'll go into that a little bit more coming up Okay, so that was 180 00:10:11,624 --> 00:10:15,824 how long has someone been in a dominant shutdown state throughout their life? 181 00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:21,424 This next question is how long does an acute episode of shutdown last? 182 00:10:23,441 --> 00:10:28,151 When is shutdown dominant and there's not really enough safety in your system? 183 00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:32,231 When is a episode of shutdown dysregulated? 184 00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:33,821 Or how long does it last for? 185 00:10:34,321 --> 00:10:38,361 In the survey I used the language "periods where shutdown is obvious 186 00:10:38,411 --> 00:10:40,141 or more intense than usual." 187 00:10:40,691 --> 00:10:43,211 The most responses were less than a day. 188 00:10:43,211 --> 00:10:44,531 That was about 21%. 189 00:10:45,031 --> 00:10:48,991 This person's probably isolating, probably not wanting to get a bed, having negative 190 00:10:48,991 --> 00:10:53,491 thoughts, maybe even thoughts about death, but they're probably mostly functional. 191 00:10:53,521 --> 00:10:55,586 But the shutdowns definitely noticeable. 192 00:10:56,086 --> 00:10:58,816 At the lower end of the results was one to two months. 193 00:10:58,816 --> 00:11:00,106 That was at 5%. 194 00:11:00,886 --> 00:11:03,166 14% said less than a week. 195 00:11:03,801 --> 00:11:07,971 20 percent said somewhere between 1 and 4 weeks, 5 percent said 196 00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:12,411 1 to 2 months, and almost 12 percent said shutdown never ends. 197 00:11:12,911 --> 00:11:15,321 Really like a big range of how long shutdown can last. 198 00:11:15,331 --> 00:11:19,011 So what could help an acute shutdown, what could help to come out of it? 199 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:21,821 Listen to what your body needs and mindfully provide it. 200 00:11:22,321 --> 00:11:24,801 Based on last episode, we know that someone who shut down 201 00:11:24,971 --> 00:11:27,781 needs lower stimulation and they kind of need to be alone. 202 00:11:28,281 --> 00:11:32,301 So doom scrolling is not going to help, binging on things, 203 00:11:32,631 --> 00:11:33,621 that's not going to help. 204 00:11:33,821 --> 00:11:35,531 Substances don't really help. 205 00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:39,841 Maybe you might feel less shut down doing these things, but it doesn't really 206 00:11:39,841 --> 00:11:41,541 help someone to come out of a shutdown. 207 00:11:41,891 --> 00:11:45,871 It doesn't really help someone to recover from shutdown. 208 00:11:45,881 --> 00:11:47,961 It just sort of masks the problem. 209 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:54,121 So if you can, mindfully experience the underlying emotions and sensations 210 00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:56,041 of shutdown, which is very difficult. 211 00:11:56,041 --> 00:11:57,151 It's not easy to do that. 212 00:11:57,161 --> 00:11:59,545 It might be terrifying to think that. 213 00:12:00,106 --> 00:12:02,286 The priority is always to anchor into safety. 214 00:12:02,296 --> 00:12:06,186 If you can do that, then allow, that's what, that's what I mean by mindfully. 215 00:12:06,546 --> 00:12:09,646 If you can be in safety, then you can mindfully experience those 216 00:12:09,666 --> 00:12:12,186 emotions that come from a shutdown. 217 00:12:12,736 --> 00:12:17,216 So if you can do that, the intensity of them, as long as you're existing 218 00:12:17,216 --> 00:12:21,716 in safety, the intensity of those emotions might soften and then some self 219 00:12:21,716 --> 00:12:23,706 regulation out of shutdown might occur. 220 00:12:24,206 --> 00:12:27,386 So mindfully experiencing your shutdown might mean that if you 221 00:12:27,396 --> 00:12:29,876 need to cry, you let yourself cry. 222 00:12:30,046 --> 00:12:32,386 And that might even mean a lot. 223 00:12:32,966 --> 00:12:34,426 Crying does not mean that you're weak. 224 00:12:34,446 --> 00:12:35,936 It does not mean that you're failing. 225 00:12:36,306 --> 00:12:38,386 It might just be part of the process. 226 00:12:38,446 --> 00:12:41,206 If you need to cry more the next day, then you need to cry more the next day. 227 00:12:41,701 --> 00:12:44,561 A lot of times with people who do a lot of crying and have a lot of 228 00:12:44,561 --> 00:12:46,631 crying to do, they judge themselves. 229 00:12:46,631 --> 00:12:47,791 They call themselves weak. 230 00:12:47,841 --> 00:12:48,841 They say they're failing. 231 00:12:49,331 --> 00:12:52,791 They don't just accept that they have a real feeling and 232 00:12:52,791 --> 00:12:54,061 that it needs to be released. 233 00:12:54,061 --> 00:12:56,081 And crying oftentimes is that way. 234 00:12:56,081 --> 00:12:59,301 Regardless of all this, the priority, again, must be safety. 235 00:12:59,301 --> 00:13:03,171 So I would focus on your underlying practices of safety, identify what 236 00:13:03,171 --> 00:13:06,861 safety feels like for you, and then identify what helps you get to safety, 237 00:13:06,951 --> 00:13:08,561 and then repeatedly practice that. 238 00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:13,010 I'll wrap this episode up with some words from the people in 239 00:13:13,010 --> 00:13:14,980 shutdown that took my survey. 240 00:13:15,450 --> 00:13:17,430 They described their experiences of shutdown. 241 00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:22,460 I tried to whittle this down to as few as possible, but it's hard to do it when 242 00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:26,900 there's really so much great descriptive words in here that I think that you 243 00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:28,400 need to hear if you're in shutdown. 244 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,670 I think it helps to hear that you're not alone and that other people 245 00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:36,200 experiencing experience something similar to you and can maybe even validate it, 246 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,010 normalize it and give you new language. 247 00:13:38,010 --> 00:13:43,000 So what I'll do is I'll take a bunch of these and segment them into how long 248 00:13:43,010 --> 00:13:45,190 the people have existed in shutdown. 249 00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:48,500 Pretty much though, the rest of the episode is going to be these descriptions 250 00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:50,420 of shutdown from the people in shutdown. 251 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:54,010 They're not exactly easy to hear, but I didn't feel like it was right 252 00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:56,010 to water it down or censor it. 253 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,020 So, just kind of this is your warning, I guess. 254 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,270 There's no trauma descriptions or anything. 255 00:14:00,820 --> 00:14:01,600 And one more thing. 256 00:14:01,930 --> 00:14:05,300 If you have some love to give, put it in the comments on YouTube for all 257 00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:07,150 the people who shared something here. 258 00:14:07,650 --> 00:14:10,330 I have three from people who said that they have been in 259 00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:11,880 shutdown within the past year. 260 00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:15,140 Cindy J says it's like staring into the abyss. 261 00:14:15,570 --> 00:14:20,120 Jen says my body feels heavy, gray, zombie like. 262 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:24,230 Chris says everything feels too much and too overwhelming, while at the same 263 00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:27,910 time there is huge amounts of apathy and just not caring about anything. 264 00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:31,420 I want to run away and have zero responsibility. 265 00:14:31,790 --> 00:14:34,940 I become all consumed with thoughts about me and my suffering 266 00:14:34,950 --> 00:14:36,060 and nothing else matters. 267 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,960 I have four responses from people who said that they've been in 268 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,950 shutdown from one to three years. 269 00:14:41,065 --> 00:14:45,565 Jillian says, exhausted like I'm filled with lead or have been drained of blood. 270 00:14:46,075 --> 00:14:47,705 Ken says, Nothing can be done. 271 00:14:47,875 --> 00:14:49,795 Not one thing will fix this. 272 00:14:50,105 --> 00:14:51,355 And I am correct in this. 273 00:14:51,385 --> 00:14:56,265 Except, time passes, and one morning, one day, maybe I stick my neck out. 274 00:14:56,765 --> 00:15:01,095 Mel says, Devoid of hope, nothing will ever change, feel 275 00:15:01,095 --> 00:15:02,465 completely stuck in the state. 276 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:06,865 It feels like a force pulling you down, and you no longer have the strength to 277 00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:08,795 fight it, so you just give in to it. 278 00:15:09,295 --> 00:15:13,505 Kelly says, Like a heavy wall is blocking my view of reality, but I 279 00:15:13,505 --> 00:15:15,285 can't see past it and I can't move it. 280 00:15:15,785 --> 00:15:19,265 I have four more from the four to ten years in shutdown. 281 00:15:19,935 --> 00:15:23,435 Charlotte says, I barely feel my body at all, instead just feeling 282 00:15:23,435 --> 00:15:26,535 the need to crawl into a dark and silent corner to disappear. 283 00:15:27,085 --> 00:15:30,395 Thoughts are tumbling over each other, but in such a disconnected 284 00:15:30,395 --> 00:15:32,105 and foggy way that I can't grab them. 285 00:15:32,605 --> 00:15:34,735 Rosa says, There are varying degrees. 286 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:38,310 Very intense shutdown feels as if my body is very heavy. 287 00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:40,880 All I want to do is go to bed and lie in the dark. 288 00:15:41,430 --> 00:15:45,290 My thoughts are quite dark and hopeless, or I feel very unreal, 289 00:15:45,890 --> 00:15:47,300 as if I'm not really here. 290 00:15:47,810 --> 00:15:51,610 I daydream a lot, and this is my most common coping mechanism when 291 00:15:51,610 --> 00:15:53,870 I'm in an intense state of shutdown. 292 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:57,990 It's the only thing that stops me from crying to disappear in my head 293 00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,600 into a fantasy story that I make up. 294 00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:03,600 Allie says Shutdown is like I've sunken into the depths of the ocean 295 00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:08,820 Lizelle says like falling down a big black bottomless hole, but 296 00:16:08,820 --> 00:16:10,710 it's not necessarily uncomfortable. 297 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:12,950 The isolation warms the air around me. 298 00:16:13,510 --> 00:16:15,080 Darkness becomes my bodyguard. 299 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:21,145 As bad as it is and it is really bad Although I have never considered 300 00:16:21,165 --> 00:16:26,075 any form of suicide or self harm, neither am I scared of death either. 301 00:16:26,405 --> 00:16:29,965 In short, shutdown to me is a temporary form of death. 302 00:16:30,465 --> 00:16:33,955 I have three from the 11 to 20 years in shutdown group. 303 00:16:34,755 --> 00:16:37,185 Nico says it's a dark cave with no way out. 304 00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:40,925 Lauren says I'm tired all the time, yet can't manage to sleep 305 00:16:40,925 --> 00:16:44,185 at night at all, but somehow I can sleep for hours during the day. 306 00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:47,945 I can't accomplish any of my responsibilities, and I don't 307 00:16:47,945 --> 00:16:49,225 even want to think about them. 308 00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:53,035 I get overstimulated easily by everything around me and have no appetite. 309 00:16:53,635 --> 00:16:56,225 I call my kind of shutdown doom spiraling. 310 00:16:56,725 --> 00:17:00,275 Laura says it's like trying to see through fog to walk through quicksand. 311 00:17:00,775 --> 00:17:04,135 Everything takes concerted effort and takes so much energy there is 312 00:17:04,135 --> 00:17:08,005 none left over for connecting with others or even trying to find safety. 313 00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:12,545 I am constantly fighting the desperate and all consuming drive to find somewhere 314 00:17:12,555 --> 00:17:14,625 dark to hide and shut down or sleep. 315 00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:19,125 I genuinely feel like when it's at its most intense I will die if 316 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:21,015 I do not isolate and switch off. 317 00:17:21,515 --> 00:17:24,825 I fight it but it's exhausting and struggle to think positively but have 318 00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:26,865 faith in the impermanence of the state. 319 00:17:27,365 --> 00:17:30,595 I have three from the 21 to 30 years in the shutdown group. 320 00:17:31,095 --> 00:17:34,985 Terry says, Like being alone in a dark well with no ladder to climb 321 00:17:34,985 --> 00:17:37,015 out and no one coming to save me. 322 00:17:37,685 --> 00:17:39,655 This is extreme and acute shutdown. 323 00:17:40,505 --> 00:17:44,735 On a day to day basis where I dip into shutdown, it often feels like a nausea 324 00:17:44,955 --> 00:17:46,935 and sinking feeling in my stomach. 325 00:17:47,375 --> 00:17:51,985 Combined with fatigue, lack in motivation and feelings of worthlessness 326 00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:54,415 or why am I even bothering? 327 00:17:54,915 --> 00:17:57,735 Hilda says, disconnected like part of me has fallen asleep. 328 00:17:58,235 --> 00:18:02,155 Anne number three says, waiting to die alone and knowing I deserve it. 329 00:18:02,655 --> 00:18:05,895 I have three more from the 31 to 40 years age group. 330 00:18:05,895 --> 00:18:07,755 Julie says, I feel so useless. 331 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,615 I hate myself for what I have been through. 332 00:18:09,695 --> 00:18:10,975 I wish I had never been born. 333 00:18:11,795 --> 00:18:15,675 Amy says, My shutdown feels like an out of body experience and I 334 00:18:15,675 --> 00:18:17,675 become silent and unresponsive. 335 00:18:18,485 --> 00:18:23,165 I feel like I'm losing my identity and uncertain of who I am and why I exist. 336 00:18:23,845 --> 00:18:28,415 Often times when in shutdown, I want to sleep forever or hide under blankets. 337 00:18:28,915 --> 00:18:32,585 Mara says My life feels visually muted like looking up through a 338 00:18:32,615 --> 00:18:37,195 tumultuous water after a huge wave has clobbered you, disorienting. 339 00:18:37,945 --> 00:18:43,285 My life sounds tuned out, not just in a peaceful sense, but more like Charlie 340 00:18:43,295 --> 00:18:44,955 Brown's teacher in the Snoopy shows. 341 00:18:45,034 --> 00:18:50,144 womp womp, where I can't make out meaning or hear actual words in my environment. 342 00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:54,953 Tactilely, my body literally loses its sense of pain. 343 00:18:55,723 --> 00:18:59,983 Sensations of extreme hot or cold are numbed, and the natural hunger 344 00:18:59,993 --> 00:19:01,913 or thirst drive get turned off. 345 00:19:01,913 --> 00:19:06,453 from 41 to 50 years anonymous number four says Dissociative. 346 00:19:06,523 --> 00:19:07,263 Blurry. 347 00:19:07,353 --> 00:19:08,603 Not really living. 348 00:19:08,613 --> 00:19:09,413 No energy. 349 00:19:09,453 --> 00:19:10,213 No drive. 350 00:19:10,803 --> 00:19:12,393 With fear as a normal state. 351 00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:13,863 Just want to get by. 352 00:19:13,863 --> 00:19:17,353 And then in the 50 plus years I have three. 353 00:19:17,893 --> 00:19:19,983 Smoky moon says I lose myself. 354 00:19:20,023 --> 00:19:20,733 I collapse. 355 00:19:20,733 --> 00:19:21,323 I cry. 356 00:19:21,363 --> 00:19:22,413 I have no voice. 357 00:19:22,743 --> 00:19:24,973 Even though I think and feel a great deal. 358 00:19:24,973 --> 00:19:27,253 Mary says It's like waiting for my life to happen. 359 00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:30,943 Wondering who I am then feeling like time will run out before 360 00:19:30,943 --> 00:19:32,143 I answer those questions. 361 00:19:32,643 --> 00:19:36,453 Then I glimpse at the terror of becoming real and go back to shutdown. 362 00:19:36,953 --> 00:19:41,463 The moments of shutdown are being inside my own head where I am not even present 363 00:19:41,793 --> 00:19:43,273 and nothing around me touches me. 364 00:19:43,366 --> 00:19:44,456 It's empty and numb. 365 00:19:44,546 --> 00:19:45,746 I'm invisible to others. 366 00:19:45,916 --> 00:19:46,796 Everything is flat. 367 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:50,656 No one wants me to come out, and I wouldn't know how if I tried. 368 00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:53,936 And Joan says, Existing but not living. 369 00:19:54,436 --> 00:19:57,586 Thank you so much for those who shared their experiences of shutdown. 370 00:19:57,646 --> 00:20:01,086 And for you, dear listener, I really hope that gives you some new language, 371 00:20:01,096 --> 00:20:05,006 some validation, some normalization, uh, for what you're going through. 372 00:20:05,006 --> 00:20:08,956 And again, if you have any love to give or any words of comfort, please, 373 00:20:08,966 --> 00:20:12,346 uh, in the YouTube comments, if you're watching this on YouTube, put them there. 374 00:20:12,386 --> 00:20:13,336 That'd be fantastic. 375 00:20:13,836 --> 00:20:16,866 And for everyone, I have a shutdown playlist on YouTube that 376 00:20:16,866 --> 00:20:18,186 I'll link in the description. 377 00:20:18,746 --> 00:20:21,736 If you want to learn more about this stuff, gain new language, and 378 00:20:21,766 --> 00:20:25,626 hopefully receive more validation and normalization, uh, watch that. 379 00:20:25,726 --> 00:20:26,856 It might be, it might be useful. 380 00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:31,226 If you're ready to take the next steps on your unstucking process though, 381 00:20:31,266 --> 00:20:34,366 um, I have something that I created called the Total Access Membership. 382 00:20:34,836 --> 00:20:39,126 Within the Stuck Not Broken: Total Access Membership there's a wonderful 383 00:20:39,266 --> 00:20:43,796 small private community of people who are stuck somewhere and are working 384 00:20:43,806 --> 00:20:45,856 their way out of their stuck state. 385 00:20:46,356 --> 00:20:48,786 Could be shut down, it could be flight, it could be fight, it could be freeze. 386 00:20:49,186 --> 00:20:51,776 There's a really good mix of people there that are, that are wonderful. 387 00:20:52,326 --> 00:20:54,976 And in the Total Access Membership, I also have courses. 388 00:20:55,036 --> 00:20:57,136 The first one is Polyvagal 101. 389 00:20:57,136 --> 00:20:59,896 The second one is Building Safety Anchors, where I teach you how to live 390 00:20:59,906 --> 00:21:02,036 with more safety and calm in your system. 391 00:21:02,586 --> 00:21:05,926 And the third one is Unstucking Defensive States, where I teach you 392 00:21:06,246 --> 00:21:11,546 how to directly feel, experience, and relieve your stuck defensive state. 393 00:21:12,046 --> 00:21:14,146 So thank you so much for listening to the podcast. 394 00:21:14,176 --> 00:21:17,866 I really hope to welcome you inside of the Total Access membership. 395 00:21:18,366 --> 00:21:20,536 There'll be a link in the description on how to learn more. 396 00:21:21,036 --> 00:21:22,986 Thank you so much for listening to this fellow Stucknot. 397 00:21:23,016 --> 00:21:25,096 I really hope it's been a helpful resource for you. 398 00:21:25,596 --> 00:21:26,416 Until next time. 399 00:21:26,556 --> 00:21:26,796 Bye. 400 00:21:27,061 --> 00:21:30,821 This podcast is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or 401 00:21:30,821 --> 00:21:32,481 be a replacement for therapy. 402 00:21:33,361 --> 00:21:36,711 Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. 403 00:21:37,571 --> 00:21:41,221 Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are 404 00:21:41,221 --> 00:21:43,231 experiencing mental health symptoms. 405 00:21:44,126 --> 00:21:47,726 Nothing in this podcast should be construed to be specific life advice. 406 00:21:47,876 --> 00:21:51,136 It is for educational and entertainment purposes only. 407 00:21:52,016 --> 00:21:55,296 More resources are available in the description of this episode 408 00:21:55,326 --> 00:21:56,546 and in the footer of justinlmft. 409 00:21:58,046 --> 00:21:58,446 com.