Foreign.

Welcome to the Own youn Choices on youn Life Podcast.

I know you are here wanting to change and rewrite your story.

You are desiring to step into the impact that you know you were here to create.

I am here to guide you with the proven tools and strategies used by myself and our speakers

to support you in taking radical responsibility in your life and learning how

to own your choices to change your story.

My name is Marsha Van Winsburg.

I am a storytelling business coach, master NLP

trainer, speaker, podcaster, and seven times published author.

My clients have found freedom and purpose from overcoming their shame stories and learning

how to share them with the world.

I am so grateful you are here.

Let's get started.

Foreign.

Welcome back to the show.

This is the last episode before the end of 2025 and it is recorded a little bit

ahead of time, so who knows what else is going to come up, but I will share it in new

episodes coming into the new year.

So I have already recorded a few episodes that were like the Honest Spicy Truth where I

talked about kind of the unhinged Spotify wrap up, the hardest lessons I've learned this year

and the grief, the grief that went with all of it and all of that can exist while you are

celebrating your biggest year to date.

It all can happen at the same time.

It's very important for me that I'm always real with, whether it's on social media,

whether it's here that I am real with what this looks like because this is authenticity.

And I don't want somebody to look at the online space and think, oh, of just she never

struggles with this because that's just not true.

You can struggle with all of these things and more and still grow your business while

listening to what you need.

So today is not sharing about the hard lessons

and what broke me.

I'm sharing about what it has built and the identity of who I am coming into 2026.

And I feel like this is a little bit of a personal series.

But I really invite you to reflect with all of this work before you decide to set a goal for

2026.

This is like taking inventory.

It's important to look at where you are, what

lessons you've learned.

Not mistakes, but things that you're learning from the feedback that you got from this year

and how you choose to do it differently.

So this is about the identity that I'm building.

If you have lived it and shaped it and if it shaped you, you get to choose how it defines

you and you get to choose what you Share from it.

And you get to choose how much you get to share with everyone else.

So all of the lessons and things that we've learned,

they're built into our subconscious and we decide, our subconscious decides what meaning

we apply to that, what meaning do we make about us with that?

And so it's inviting you at all times to listen,

right? How much dialogue are you having with

yourself?

Because honestly, that's a really big piece.

Listening to what you need,

getting clear, asking, talking to yourself.

It's okay.

This is really the piece of it.

Because we're learning lessons nonstop.

We're also meaning making machines so we can consciously interrupt that pattern of if it

shows up that, oh my God, I've totally screwed up this year.

What a mess it's been.

Well, what meaning are you attaching to that?

Yeah, I've tried a lot of new things this year and some things have been amazing and some

things I won't do again.

And that's okay.

That's how we learn,

right? That's how we learn.

So a big thing that I am learning that with all of the things that I have put into place

this year,

so many new things, from a live event to a mastermind, to a master practitioner,

to a full six day immersion.

So many things.

Publishing a book with 24 authors were all

brand new.

And that is where my capacity was tested.

There were moments that it would have been

very easy to say yes to the next project,

the next thing.

And I would pause.

I got into the habit of pausing.

I had times where I was like, oh, but I'm supposed to launch this by now.

And every time I would get ready to share something on it,

my whole system would be like,

like nothing was coming out.

And that's because my system was done.

My system was like, enough, it's enough

already.

So I really feel that this year the first lesson I can share is capacity before

strategy.

How do I feel with a yes to that answer? What does it look like?

Because I actually believe the strategy only works when you've built the capacity first.

One of the episodes I shared a few weeks ago that people have loved in this message is the

piece that if you build capacity, your ambition can work for you.

Don't build your capacity and your ambition, it'll work against you.

And how do I know? Because I've spent my whole life doing that is

not listening and constantly burning out.

So as I go into 2026, I will be leaning into what does it feel like first?

What does that feel like? Do I have the capacity For.

Yes, for that.

And that also means there's a lot of

foundational work that we're building right now because that's what's required to hold

what we're building.

Right? You don't build this massive house on little

toothpicks and then get frustrated when it doesn't hold.

And that's what happens when you only throw ideas at the wall nonstop.

Okay,

number two,

regulated leaders make better decisions.

I know that sounds so obvious,

but they do.

When we make dysregulated decisions, like, put that out there.

Get that offer done.

I have to make a sale.

Maybe reacting to a message versus pausing,

that's a difference from regulated decisions to, like, regulated leadership.

The pause is powerful.

And there's so part of me that doesn't always love it, but there was one time where I

received a message from a client this year.

It wasn't nice.

It was not nice at all.

And I found myself being like,

excuse me,

we don't talk to people that way.

And you know what I did?

I didn't respond.

I didn't respond for almost probably four days at all.

And I shoved it aside.

I'm like, no one talks to me that way.

And the message came back, and the person was, so obviously you're not thrilled with my

response.

I'm like, I am not.

If you would like to have a conversation, we can.

But I will not communicate this way over our phones.

And no one treats me like that.

And I know that that's a foreign concept for some people, that you wouldn't even think to

have that boundary that strong.

But I don't mess around with my boundaries.

I'm real.

That's a real thing.

You don't cross that for me.

And so I know that pausing in that moment was a really powerful lesson for both of us.

When you don't pause and you jump right into something and you react, you actually lose

your own personal power.

You do.

So sometimes the answer has to be not right now.

Not everything requires a response from you.

It really doesn't.

That's a massive lesson on boundaries.

Okay, number three, identity.

First, who are you being in the moments?

How are you showing up?

How are you leading yourself? Is your word your word.

That's where it starts.

When your identity is so crystal clear on who

you are,

and you know who you are, and you know how to respond to what is happening and you know how

to lead yourself,

you'll be better prepared to see the limiting beliefs that pop up, the behaviors that are

not serving you, that are not moving in the direction you'll be able to help to set

yourself up for success with your results.

You'll be able to catch yourself on your own BS stories that are running around in the

background and they're always there.

But if you're not clear on who you are,

that comes first and that will lead to results.

If you chase results,

you chase numbers, but you're not clear on who you are,

you might catch it, but it's going to fall every time.

I worked with a client this year who built a massive business further beyond what she ever

thought she could do.

And everybody was celebrating her.

She was excited,

and yet she felt terrible inside and couldn't figure out why, because there was a limiting

belief, a limiting decision running that she did not deserve this level of success.

Until you address the foundations and the beliefs,

you will not build a sustainable business.

That's where it starts from.

Number four,

I don't rush as much as I used to.

Now I still do a lot.

Trust me, I do.

When I catch myself pushing that pressure from inside and I used to think how productive that

is, that's how you build the business.

That version of me.

When she shows up now, it feels like

contraction.

It's like that.

I don't like that.

Doesn't feel good.

That's not who I am.

How do I anchor into who I am now and who I'm becoming?

So when I see that pressure and pushing coming up, that's the old version of me.

Now I lean into like, no. How does it feel inside?

First,

get our energy on board, take care of ourselves, so that when we go do the thing,

it's grounded.

Because if it's not and you push to make it

happen and it flops,

you know what happens then? Subconsciously, you make it mean something

about you when you make it mean something about you.

Like,

good luck shifting that.

Because the biggest,

biggest relationship you will have is the one you have with yourself, the conversations that

you are having with yourself.

Yes, it's important to watch all the people in

your corner and what's happening and what they're saying.

But you are the only person that you spend 247 with.

So that's what matters.

Lesson five, my voice.

It's my advantage.

It really is.

It's like I found myself really leaning in and trusting when I was speaking.

I had a couple, like, a number of different speaking events this year,

and I have learned to trust it.

There were a couple of times where I spoke.

Like, once I spoke at a real estate retreat.

And it's so Interesting because I'm like, oh, my God.

These women have had all this success.

Like, can I actually share something with

them? I had an outline and when I got there, I have

a framework in how I do things when it comes to speaking.

When I got there, I actually asked a couple questions and I could see this group was

really struggling with limiting beliefs.

And in the moment, I trusted myself and I made

a pivot and it was a massive success because of listening to what I needed versus being

like, oh my God.

But I have a plan that looks like this.

Meet the people where they're at and speak to them and watch that unfold.

So I've learned to trust that, like, my voice is my asset.

Like, I really do.

I trust it.

So that also means there are times where I will not go post on social media because it's

like I'm not in the energy of it and that's okay, too.

All right, number six.

This has always been a big one and I'm still

doing this one often.

Community over isolation.

Community,

like, is greater than isolation.

I have put myself into so many rooms this year.

Rooms and masterminds, leading them,

being a part of them,

coaching in person certification, in person events, in person retreats.

And I was blown away by the growth that happens.

Not just with myself, with everybody in that space.

Because when I allowed myself to be supported,

that comes from community.

There's a past version of me who had no idea

how to receive support at all.

Now when I feel myself going into isolation, I have a few people that I will voice text and I

will say, like, you do not have to respond.

I don't need an answer.

I don't need anything from you.

I just need you to hold space.

And I'll tell you, that's a beautiful thing.

It really is to build those relationships and

know that you can be supported.

Because the support has allowed me to lean in,

to lead with my heart so much more and to be authentically me.

I'm so fricking grateful for the support that I've had this year.

It has been such a huge lesson and that's why I want to always support within my own

community.

How can I help you? What does that look like?

Okay, number seven,

I say this and I mean it.

And I will always come back to it is I am done playing small and letting self doubt take

over.

Does that mean it's never going to happen again?

No, because I'm human.

But really being in a space of when I hear that self doubt come up,

can I consciously interrupt it and say, why are you here?

What do you need? Do you need to be heard?

Are you the little seven year old version of me that needs to be heard, throwing a tantrum?

Or are you just scared because we're doing something new and it's big and it's bigger

than what you're used to.

So instead I'm not squashing it and ignoring it.

I just looking at building a better relationship with self doubt and seeing it for

what it is.

Just the opportunity to keep me safe.

Because I can tell you right now there's a couple of relationships that are coming,

like collaborations that are happening early next year.

They're a stretch.

It's a big stretch for myself and my business

and our team and all these things.

And I'm like, yep, we're here,

we're here for it.

It feels good.

I am open to having the conversation.

So always recognizing self doubt when it shows

up.

And it will show up every single time you're

doing something new.

Okay, Number eight,

creativity actually isn't optional.

It's not optional, it's required when it comes to business.

And you know where the creativity comes from for me is when I allow myself to play.

Oh my gosh, I am such a kid at heart.

I really am.

And I grew up very early,

very fast and was literally an adult, I swear, in my young teen years.

And play was something that just seemed silly.

I didn't get it and I'm still not great at it.

But I do allow myself to lean into play.

Okay. To lean into play and recognize that it's actually productivity.

The amount of downloads and things that happen after play or during play is wild.

It like opens up creativity.

So it's actually becoming a bit of a strategy.

Where's the play?

If I'm finishing a sprint, where's the play? Where are we building it in?

What does it look like?

How are we celebrating that? How are we doing that?

And I'm making time for it.

It's incredible actually.

Honestly, it's so much fun.

Okay, number nine,

you know what success actually loves? It loves boundaries.

It loves boundaries.

So I shared a message earlier in the episode about boundaries where I didn't respond to

something that was sent to me that was pretty nasty.

And there have been a couple times already where I've had to put boundaries in place that

I can't do that right now.

I actually took a breakthrough day.

I've never done this before and it was hard

for me to do.

I had a breakthrough day scheduled.

It had been booked for months.

And I had to be very honest with myself.

We had just walked through a really difficult

few weeks, like, really hard, uncomfortable.

That took me away from work.

And I just had to be honest in the sense that could I deliver the breakthrough day for her?

Yeah, I could have.

And I think it would have just knocked me out for, like, weeks because I knew I was so low

in my tank and I know what's required for a breakthrough day.

So as hard as it was, I actually reached out to this client.

I'm like, I am so sorry.

I am wondering if you'd be open to rescheduling this because I don't think I

could deliver the best of myself to you today.

And because of that, if we can find, like, I'm willing to do any day of the week, I will make

it work.

And whatever that looks like, I will give you extra coaching until then.

And it worked out beautifully.

A couple things that was really interesting.

I actually did that and then it moved out the.

I think it was maybe three weeks.

It moved it back.

And then with that, the client said to me, can I thank you?

You showed me how to lead in a really difficult sit.

And I have never seen anybody lead in that way.

And that felt really good.

It was just a reminder that, like, the

boundaries are required.

Like, success requires and loves boundaries.

Because we are human beings leading ourselves in a business.

We have to listen.

We have to pour into ourselves and we have to

listen.

Okay, number 10.

Okay. There could be a whole episode on this.

I am not behind.

You're not behind.

You are exactly where you're meant to be.

I honestly don't love that, Satan.

I'm gonna say that I don't always love that because it feels like, seriously.

I have friends who are like 15 years younger than me who I would class as, like, having

tremendous success.

And I'm like,

kind of still pushing that snowball up the hill.

I am having success and I'm 55.

It gets harder as you get older.

It does.

And so not an excuse.

What it makes me do is makes me double down on

my own self care,

like my own fitness, my own nutrition.

Because it's important to be able to do this,

to do this work.

I am not behind.

If I don't trust that I am right on time.

What message am I subconsciously always sharing with clients?

You are always on time.

If you push faster than what your system can hold you and support you, you will be back on

the roller coaster of, like, highs and lows.

And that is not sustainable.

We want to Build something that lasts.

So I'm not behind? You are not behind.

I promise.

We're all learning and human beings in this

process.

So I'm curious Which lesson maybe one related to, maybe one didn't.

I love and appreciate you.

2025 has been a wild year in our business.

We have moved podcast platforms and I hope that none of you even notice because that was

the whole point is that you didn't even notice.

And we are sitting in that top 1.5.

So close to tipping the scales to the top 1%,

which doesn't sound like much, but there's 3.1 million podcasts worldwide,

so that is really freaking awesome.

Really freaking awesome.

And if you want to like, I'd love to know who you want to hear in the show for the next

year, what's going to unfold.

And if you want 2026 to be the year that you build your capacity, identity, regulation,

your business,

come and join us inside of either Outspoken, Unbothered or the Heartwired CEO mastermind.

We have two mentors for 12 months with incredible one on one work roundtables.

All the things this is the year coming into 2026, this is the year that the version of you

from even a year ago,

you can become unrecognizable.

You really can.

Your whole business can.

And you can.

And you're right on time.

I love you tons.

I hope you have an incredible holiday with your family, whatever that looks like.

Please honor yourself, listen to what you need, give back to yourself.

And yeah, let's make it an incredible year.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I appreciate you so much.

Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of Own youn Choices, Own youn

Life.

If you love this episode, I invite you to tag

me on social media with your takeaways or share it with a friend.

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And I will be forever grateful.

Until next time, Remember, when you own your

choices, you truly own your life.