Welcome back to become a calm mama. I'm your host. I'm Darlene Childress.

I'm a life and parenting coach. And this episode

is part six of our series on how to

heal. And I've been walking you through sort of this hierarchy of

healing, going through different phases of healing and

what we need to build up in order to

take radical action, in order to actually improve our

lives, change our lives, create the life that we want,

it is important to start with those foundational principles

of radical self love, radical self trust,

radical honesty, radical listening, and radical acceptance.

So once we kind of have this foundation built up, we're ready

to take action, radical action, big steps or

little steps, to be honest with you. Sometimes a lot of our big

actions in life start with really small

changes. And I'm gonna walk you through today

how to figure out what area of your life to tackle and

how to take that big action, what you ought to be doing, how

to figure out what you ought to be doing, and then also what are some

of the obstacles that will come up along the way and how to

overcome those obstacles. The first thing I wanna do is

just well, actually, I want to start with this quote that I just read this

past week from young Pueblo's book. And it says,

healing yourself with love is a long term process.

I just wanted to start by reminding you that what you're doing

with radical self love is

radical. It is huge. It's transformative.

If that's the only thing you do for the rest of your life is learn

to fall deeper and deeper in love with yourself, find deeper and deeper levels of

trust, become a really good friend to yourself by being really honest

and listening, accepting yourself exactly as you are and not thinking

that you're broken. I promise that that is the

pathway of healing. And the more you practice radical self love,

the easier it will be for you to take this radical action. So when I

talk about radical action today, what the last thing I want is for you to

get overwhelmed and think that here, darling, is giving me a giant

checklist and to do list of all the things that I now need to do.

And that's not what this is about. This is about taking

aligned action towards the things that you wanna

create more of in your life. More peace, more joy, more meaning,

more connection, more love, any of those

qualities that you're chasing. So radical action,

how I define it, is about making a commitment

to changing an area of your life where you are not satisfied.

So you're making a commitment. That's the first part of action,

committing to something and then taking steps to changing

that area of your life. When I think about areas of your life, I

think about these three relationships that we have. We have relationship to our

self. So that means, like, our mental health, anxiety, depression,

negative self talk, our relationship to how we contribute in the

world, and our relationship to how we feel in the world. So

it's really like this relationship that we have internally. So if

you're feeling anxious, depressed, if you're feeling directionless,

if you're feeling kind of trapped and you don't have contentment,

then this is something that you might wanna work on is how you

relate to yourself, how you think and feel, your own mental

well-being. So those commitments will look like I will do

things that bring me joy. I will speak kindly to myself. I will

practice mindset exercises. You decide I wanna

experience more meaning and purpose in my life, or I'm committed

to my own peace and my own contentment, and I'm willing to take action

to change the things in my life that aren't working. So when we look

at how we feel inside of ourselves and how

we think and feel and talk to ourselves, like that

relationship internally, if you want to change that

relationship, you're going to need to take radical action.

So committing to I'm going to improve my mental health,

or I'm going to improve my feeling of discontentment.

I want to chase contentment. Looking at

my life feels meaningless, directionless, I feel stuck. So then you

can say I am committed to figuring out what brings me

joy and getting more of those joyful things in my life.

So I want you to look at that area of dissatisfaction, and then

make a commitment to yourself of what it is that you want.

I want more joy, I will do things that bring me joy. I want

to feel purpose, I will do things that give me purpose, I want to

feel more content, I will chase the things

that bring me contentment. I will create more peace in my life. I will

prioritize joy. So the action that you're

going to take is going to come from the area of your life that's not

really satisfying. So we have that relationship to ourselves. You

might have relationship to others. Maybe there's, your marriage isn't

working or the way you're parenting your kids isn't working. Maybe you have some

toxic friendships or some family conflicts with your in laws or your family

of origin. If you wanna take a look at how you relate to

others and your relationships to others and start working on that. So you

decide, I wanna have a happy marriage and I wanna figure out how to create

that. I wanna be a more calm parent, so I wanna figure out how to

create that. I'm committed to becoming a calm mama. I'm committed to

creating friendships that are meaningful and last you

know, are lasting and bring me joy. I'm committed

to setting boundaries with my in laws. I'm committed to improving my

relationship with my mother. You might not know this action steps

yet. That's okay. We don't have to figure out every single piece of

action yet. We just need to know what we're chasing. What's the

area of your life that's not satisfying? And what do you

wanna commit to creating? So if you notice you're unhappy, I'm

going to commit to joy. If you notice you don't have

peace, I'm going to commit to peace. If you feel like you're being taken

advantage of, I'm going to work on my boundaries.

So you set like a small, actionable

commitment, like a goal. And then that's where the action

starts to get informed by where you're going. We can't

create the life that you want, unless we know what it

is you want. Right? You have to define it a bit. So

we have this relationship to ourselves, our internal relationship

with us. Right? So that's something you can work on. You have

your relationship to others and like that those relationships.

And then we also have this relationship to the outside world. So that's like

time, how we relate to time, how we manage time, how we prioritize

time, how we relate to our space, like our daily environment.

If your home is driving you crazy, your environment is driving you crazy, it's

making you unhappy, then let's work on that. Let's take radical

action rooted in love to make your home

work and function better. And take some big

swings to make that right. Maybe you don't have a lot of

energy in your body or you aren't taking care of your body. You're

ignoring your body. You're not going to the doctor. You're not eating well. You're not

moving your body. And you want to commit to changing

the relationship you have with your body. That's available

to you. Also money. Money is a huge issue. We

don't think about it a lot. We think about it a lot, but we don't

talk about it a lot. So you get to decide, wow, I'm really stressed about

money all the time. I feel really overwhelmed. I feel like we don't have enough.

I never have enough peace around it. And even if you have

plenty, you're like, where is it going? I'm so frustrated. You know? If you

feel that scarcity feeling or that overwhelm, then you get to

decide that you're gonna commit to managing your money in a way that

is healthy. Looking at these commitments, I will create

more time for rest in my life. If you're feeling overworked, burned out,

like there's no time, you're not prioritizing yourself, you're not prioritizing

your well-being, then your symptom is overwhelmed,

right, or overworked, feeling burned out.

Great. That's a symptom. Let's now find out what the root

cause is and take action to change that. If your environment

is really cluttered and it's stressful and your space is uninspiring,

okay, that's the symptom. That's the problem. Now let's go and do

some action towards it. So you're looking for the problem areas in your

life rooted, remember, in love and trust and belief that you can

handle anything and that everything is fine. There's no problem right now

in terms of, like, you're not in danger. There you

can have things. It's kind of like a dichotomy. You can have things in your

life that you are unhappy about, and also your life can be

perfectly fine. Like, that's this weird this

tension between content and discontent.

Right? I don't think of it like that. I'm, like, truly

deeply feel contentment in my life. And I know there's

more available to me, more contentment available. I'm really

at peace in my life, and I know there's more peace available to me.

I have unbound joy in my life. And I know there's more joy

available to me. So I get to have gratitude

and rooted in the things that I'm appreciative of

and, like, acknowledge and accept things are exactly as they

are meant to be. And it's okay. And I'm safe. And I'm loved. And I'm

worthy. And I'm good. And I want more of

that. So when we take these radical actions, we look

at the areas of our life where we see like, hey, you know what? This

could be improved a little bit. I'm fine now. I'm satisfied now

in general, but I'd like to improve. This is a little bit of

fake it till you make it kinda because you're not going to feel

like if there's a lot of areas of your life that are really frustrating and

overwhelming and hard. Are you gaslighting yourself by saying everything is good?

Kinda. But the truth is everything is pretty good.

Like, you have a home, you have your children, you have

warm clothing, you probably have had a tasty thing to eat or

drink recently. You know, in the modern world, unless we're in a

war zone or something, most things are okay.

We are relatively safe right now. And that's what

radical acceptance is acknowledging our circumstance as it

is right now. I think about, like, this morning I was walking

the dog and this lady, her dog jumped out at us. And

at first, I didn't think it was on the leash. And I got really scared

that it was gonna come and, like, attack my dog. And I was like, ah,

and I screamed. And then she got the leash and she held

it. And she's like, oh, yeah. He's safe. He's leashed

up. And then my nervous system reset. So

for a split second, I may have perceived

myself as being unsafe. And then immediately, I

was there are moments of course, when things are dangerous,

like if you are in the act of a car accident, things are dangerous.

But then as soon as the accident is over, we

are safe again. It gets hard to

believe, but we're not actually in danger until we're in

danger and then the danger passes and then we're not in danger anymore.

But our mindset, our nervous system is always scanning for danger.

And so it's can make it hard for us to truly

believe I'm okay right now in this moment. And then when I'm

not okay, I'll deal with it and then I'll be okay again.

That's crazy radical acceptance and crazy radical trust.

And when you are in that space, taking action, the

next right action isn't going to come from a place of

scarcity, insecurity, fear, overwhelm.

I want you to take these actions from a deep place

of confidence and belief that you can get what you want because

you already have it in some part of your life. So we

kind of have to look for evidence that things are okay, in order

to believe that we can get more of those things

more okayness. The belief that it's possible comes

from looking at what's already true. So I don't mean

to rant too much on that. But I do just want you to see, like,

if you're stressed about money, for example,

look at the things that you already have in your life that you've

purchased with money. Like, oh, look, I already have this couch.

I already have this sweater that I'm wearing. I already have these shoes.

Like, I already have been taken care of. I already have eggs

in my fridge, believe it or not. Right? I already have

the things that I need today. I have enough.

And I wanna feel that feeling even more.

My body, maybe I wanna improve my body, but I already

have a strong body. Even if I'm ill, I

know that I have strength in me because I'm living I'm breathing.

If I have a bad relationship with my husband, I also have a

relationship with my husband. And there are moments that are good. So let's look at

those good moments. As a parent, you're like, my kids never

listened to me. Well, do they never? Or do

they sometimes? So we want to make our actions

be coming from a place of already

having had our needs met? If that makes

sense? I'm depressed. True. But are you always

depressed? When is that glimmer of joy? When does that spark? When does it come

up? Anchor to that? Like, oh, a lot of times I feel

down, but not when I do this one thing. Ah,

okay, I need to bring more of that one thing into my life. So we

have to look at areas where things are going well, in the

area where things don't feel good, because that will give us wisdom

to find out what's the next right thing. Everything we're doing

here is we're chasing. When we chase something

new, like more purpose in our life, right, maybe

or more tidiness in our house or more

health and wellness or more friendships or a better

relationship with our kids, or more joy and

less anxiety, more trust and less anxiety.

Whatever we're chasing, we have to remember that the foundational

beliefs that are required for aligned

radical action are I'm good enough,

I'm lovable, and I'm worthy. Like I'm

already enough, I already have enough. When

you practice that belief system, you're gonna get

so much more new wonderful things. But it won't be

coming from a place of graspiness and insecurity,

you know, trying to fill a void in your life.

So let me tell you what I think of as the three types of action.

Right? So we have radical aligned action. That's what we're

working towards. But there's two kinds of actions I want you to be

aware of. The first is inaction.

If you feel stuck or trapped

or paralyzed in any way,

you may not take action towards the next right

thing. You want to see yourself as being in

a space of inaction. Just using the word

inaction will help you. So looking at

your procrastination is a clue that maybe

you feel afraid, maybe you feel overwhelmed, maybe you

feel confused, maybe you need to get some help, maybe you need to work on

gratitude, work on seeing where things are going right, and that will

give you some hope that you can take action.

Inaction is when we're not doing anything because we're

feeling stuck. And the one of the tools to get out of inaction,

honestly, is gratitude. It's not like gratitude

in a bad way. It's not like, oh, I shouldn't complain because I

have it so good. That's disingenuous. I want you to be rather

thinking like, how can I convince myself that things are

pretty great? You will then take action from that

place. The second type of action is reactive action, which we've talked a lot

about during the series is this buffering action or this

people pleasing, perfectionism, overdoing

it, overthinking, over organizing, over

planning, avoidance behaviors, like reactive.

Like, for me, I go into fix it, change it, stop it, solve it. When

I think, when I'm not in an aligned action, when I'm in a place

of scarcity, fear, guilt, anger, defensiveness,

insecurity, when I'm feeling those things and I take action,

I've seen this a lot as I build my as I build this podcast,

as I build my coaching practice, my business. When I, like, am

graspy and I take big swings, it doesn't really work

out as well as when I'm just in peace and joy and chasing

what's fun and what's interesting. That same with my

family. Like, if I'm like, we need to have dinner five nights a week,

and we need to do video games and or not video games. We need to

do game night. I talked about this a couple weeks ago where I feel

like, oh, I need to make it really good for my family. Oh, I did

this on a confessions on the Thanksgiving fight episode where I talked about, like,

oh, I need to make my family, like, you know, really fun for my kids

so that they always wanna come home for holidays. And then if it's not good

enough, they won't wanna come home. And I was, like, in a graspy,

weird energy. Well, who wants to come home to that? That's

not fun. But if I'm in a fun, like, hey. This is a party.

You're the party exists. You're welcome to come at any time. Like, my

life is great, and I wanna include you in it. That's so much more of

an attractive energy. So when I'm reactive

and, you know, I'm, like, over producing, over

planning, overthinking, That is my reactive

action, I might take big steps, I might do some big

things that look really good. But I'm

not taking that action from a place of wholeness from integrity.

That's what we're looking to do. So let's talk about

aligned action. So aligned action comes

from a place of true love for yourself and deep

acceptance of yourself and others. So if I wanna take a big

action in my parenting, right, this is a parenting podcast.

Believe it or not, we've been talking about other things lately. But when I wanna

take a big action in my relationship with my kids or the way I

parent, going back to that principle that my

kids behavior is driven by their unmet emotional needs or their

feelings or their desire to communicate or cope with an uncomfortable

feeling. That perspective is like I'm accepting

my child's behavior. I'm going to take radical action. I'm going to set boundaries. I'm

going to set boundaries. I'm going to set boundaries. I'm going to set boundaries. I'm

going to set boundaries. I'm going to set boundaries. I'm going to take radical action.

I'm going to set boundaries. I'm gonna do really good connection. I'm gonna do some

good emotional coaching. I'm gonna, you know, follow through with consequences.

Like the actions are gonna be there, but they are

driven from within me from a place

of true peace, like my kids are good, they're

fine. We just need to find, you know, fine tune this to

tweak this a bit. This is what happens in my con consults.

Like parents are like, they think they're gonna come and present this, like, terrible worst

case scenario to me. And I listen and I'm like, oh, there's so much good

here. There's so much to work with. You're not that far off. You just

need a couple new parenting skills, couple new mindset

strategies, you're gonna be golden. Like, the

radical action is oftentimes not so

big, especially if we're like, no. Things are good. I just

wanna see where we can make things better. I love

approaching problems from things are good. Let's make

it better. So aligned radical action is

these actions that come from our authentic core self. So what I've

noticed in my life is that I have had this

desire to heal the next generation in advance,

right, to talk about parenting and helping

parents understand how kids work, how their brain works, how this

relationship works since twenty twelve. So a long

time. And when I have been off my path

of pursuing this dream and this meaningful

work, when I get distracted from my vision,

I know I keep being drawn back to the thing that I'm supposed to

be doing. Because it's not in my alignment. It's not in my

mission. It's not in what I was here, what I'm set put here on

the earth to do. So you are also put

on the earth to do something. I don't know what it is. It might

be raising a beautiful family and establishing a

great home life for your kids. It might be writing a novel

or creating, you know, beautiful artwork. I have this friend

who hosts such beautiful tender events, and they're

always just well designed and, you know, really,

really amazing experiences. And she was, like, put here on the earth

to do those things. And I get to be blessed by her vision

and her soul work. I get to be blessed by that,

like, just like you get to be blessed by my soul work. So you have

something that you're designed to do. You're here for a purpose. I believe it

deeply. And when you're in alignment with that purpose,

the aligned radical action actually feels really

easy. It's like you're in your flow.

That's one of the ways that you know that the actions

that you're taking are the right actions

is because it feels easy and fun and brings you joy and keeps

filling up your bucket. Even if it's hard, even if it's stressful, even if it's

scary, it's like there's a deeper, like,

yeah. I'm supposed to do this. So just try to find

it. How do you do that? How do you figure out what your aligned

radical action is? The first thing I think

about is the what. Like, what do you want? I

remember the first time I watched a parent educator

present some information at, like, an event.

And I thought, oh, I wanna do that. And

I also thought, arrogantly, I could do this better,

which is very funny. But I thought that everybody

was thinking that they could do it better and that they wanted to do that.

I don't know. I just was like, whatever desire I had, I

figured, oh, this is just, like, what everyone's thinking, which makes no

sense because most people don't wanna be parent educators.

But it's like the thing in me was like, oh, I wanna do that. That's

for me. I talked about this in the calm mama confessions when I talked

about getting sober, how my former roommate was on a trip

to Yosemite, and my little heart went, I wanna go to

Yosemite. And then I did, like,

figure out what it is that you want.

Like, what is it? What makes you feel alive? What makes you

excited? What are you jealous of? I think envy

and jealousy are so fascinating because if you see something in someone else's

life that you're jealous of, can you create that for yourself?

I remember saying to Tiffany, I just wanna be one of these people who go

stand up paddle boarding and does yoga and, like, hikes. And

then she said, well, you can do that. And I was like, what?

And she's like, yeah. If that's who you wanna be, you get to be that

person. And what is ironic is while we

were talking about that, I was carrying my stand up paddle board back to my

car from the beach. Like, in many ways, I already was the person

I wanted to be, but I just didn't think that that was available to me

or possible. It's so silly to think about, like, oh, I wanna

be like that person. It feels petty, but rather than

judging it, radical honesty, radical listing,

radical acceptance. If you want that, go get it.

Create it. Prioritize it. Commit to it. Make it possible. And

maybe he'll do it for a while and you'll be like, oh, that's not what

I really wanted. That's fine too. You know, we can stop and

start and move around and figure out what we are. So there's this concept

called glimmers, and it's the opposite of triggers. Triggers are

these events that happen in our life that make our nervous system

fire up. A glimmer is when it's

something that happens that makes you light up, like get excited.

So instead of fight flight freeze faint fawn, you get

peace, joy, love, contentment, gladness, excitement,

whatever those positive dopamine kind of good

feelings are oxytocin and serotonin and yumminess.

If you notice that you love something, that's your what keep

chasing the thing you love. Keep chasing those experiences, bring

more and more into your life, and it will become more and more clear what

it is that you need to be doing. That's the same for

what do you want, and then why do you want it? For me, my personal

practice is all about chasing feelings, chasing the

thing that I want to feel. So I'm always like,

I wanna feel more joy. I wanna feel more excitement. I wanna feel more

peace. I wanna feel more rest. I wanna feel more fun. Like,

some people challenge me. They're like, fun's not a feeling. I don't know. Let's not

get into the weeds. What is it you're chasing? Because it's not the

actions necessarily that will get you those

things. It's deciding like, oh, what am I looking for? What's the

feeling in my body that I want to be feeling? What's the feeling

in my head? Like, what are the thoughts I wanna have? What are the things

that bring me those? So chasing the whats

and chasing the whys and chasing the feelings that will help you take that

radical action. So how do you know what the next right

thing is? I wanna teach you a strategy called the

five whys. So you start and you might need to,

like, write these down. Like, it's actually not that

complicated. You don't need to write it down. But just thinking about yourself, you

will have to write the answers of your own prompt down in order to figure

this out. So you start with what do you want.

So I decided to do a model of this, with

the stop yelling at your kids. Right? Because that's like a big part of my

program is to help people not yell at their children anymore and to feel

better about parenting, feel more calm, feel more connected, all of those

things. So what do you want? Stop yelling at my kids. What

do you want to have a job that brings me joy? What do you

want? A body that is physically fit. What do you want a home

that is, you know, tidy and clean. What do you want a

marriage that is based on mutual respect? What do you want?

Like, whatever the thing that what it is that you want. What do you want?

I wanna know how to manage my money. I want to,

feel less depressed, more joyful. Start with what you want. Then

you ask yourself, why don't you have

that thing? I wanna stop yelling at my kids. Well, why do

you yell at your kids? Or why don't you stop yelling at

them? So you want to ask yourself, why do you do that? Like, why

don't you have it? I I want a tidy house. Why don't you

have a tidy house? Then you answer the questions

and you keep asking yourself well why why is that true? Why is that true?

So, for example, I want to stop yelling at my kids. Great.

Why do you yell at your kids? They don't listen to me.

Why don't they listen to you? Because I'm not consistent.

Why aren't you consistent? Because I feel guilty or

overwhelmed, so I give in. Why are you feeling

guilty or overwhelmed? I have too much going on in my

life. Why do you have so much going on in your

life? I don't say no. I don't set boundaries.

I don't have enough support. When you get to that

bottom five of the five why's, then

you get to say: oh, I see some of the actions I need to take.

I need to say no. I need to set boundaries and I need to get

some more support. So then the next right

thing is saying no to something. The next

right thing is setting a boundary. The next right thing is

getting support. So if you want to stop yelling at your kids,

I don't know why you're not in the call mama club yet, because that's what

we are learning to do. And it's $30 a month, and

you can join at any time. Quit any time. Just come for one month. Come

for four sessions. We meet on Tuesdays at 09:30 Pacific. Right?

Just show up. Get coached. Get support. Talk to

me and we will work it out. Right? I'll help you how to

say no. I'll help you how to set boundaries and you'll have support.

So we look at the areas in our life and we say, okay, what is

it that I want? Why don't I have that? Why why why

why? When you get to that bottom why, the answer will be

there of what you need to do. If you don't know how to do

this, just reach out and ask me and we can talk about it on a

consultation or in the club. Now I wanted to go

through some of the obstacles or the enemies

of radical action. The first one is

perfectionism. And I wanna say that

perfectionism is a way to protect yourself from receiving negative

feedback. It's a way from for, like, keeping you small

and keeping you stuck and keeping you trapped. And it

signals to me a lack of self trust and a lack of

acceptance of yourself or your circumstances. So what

I want you to work towards is half ass is better than no ass. Okay?

I want you to be a half ass person. If you're a perfectionist, aim

for a c plus. Like, just get it done. Just

put the the incomplete in your mind,

incomplete thing out there. So you don't have to start

organizing your house until you're ready to, you

know, buy a bunch of stuff from The Container Store or Target or

wherever. You don't have to wait

to just do one cupboard. Right? Just fold

your towels, and maybe that will make you go, oh, okay. Right?

Buy one new pillow or get a new pillow from the Goodwill or

whatever and put it on your couch and just notice, like, oh, every

day, I wanna, like, fold the blankets that are on the couch and put them

in a basket. Find a basket in your house. Find a a bin. Use

a plastic bag. Like, I don't need you to spend money. You can just

do the thing. Right? Don't make it perfect. Another

enemy of radical action is people pleasing.

So what I noticed I've been thinking about people pleasing a lot less lately.

And it really is a it's a it's a form of

manipulation. Right? You're manipulating other

people's thoughts about you, so that you

can feel better. People pleasing is really about controlling other

people's narrative of you, that their thoughts

about you are she's good, she's nice, she's kind,

she's so helpful. Maybe you are kind and helpful and good.

And that's great. But if you are needing the other

person, or the organization or the group

to see you doing those things, And you're

leaving your aligned radical action, you're not staying committed to your

joy, your time commitments, your priorities,

in order to go over here and make other people happy, including

your children. It may be because you

are in a place of insecurity.

So people pleasing often leads to reactive

action, that fix it, change it, stop it, solve it, that overdoing, that

overworking, that trying so hard because you're trying

to fill a gap. You may need to do the same amount of

effort, but I want it not to come from the perspective of

needing anything from that other person. People pleasing

is that form of manipulation of that person's thoughts about

you. It's very interesting. We can talk more about it,

another time. Other areas that

are enemies of radical action are this fear of failure.

Like, if you don't believe that you can handle being

disappointed, being embarrassed, being hurt,

being, misunderstood,

if you fear that you will

crumble, right, then you may not take big action. You may not

try as hard as you want because you're afraid of the feelings.

So radical self trust is this idea that

you can trust yourself, that you can handle everything.

Radical acceptance is that I can also handle every feeling that comes

because I know it's temporary. It'll pass. I know how to soothe myself.

So the more you practice the hierarchy of healing,

the easier it is for you to handle failure. I have

areas in my life that I haven't taken big swings, and I know it's because

I'm afraid that I won't be able to handle the pain.

But then I have so much evidence of all this pain that I've handled in

the past. And so it's not it's really silly that I won't take the action.

So it's it's not something you need to judge yourself about. Just something to be

aware of and then soothe that feeling of fear.

The other two things are a little more practical. These enemies of

radical action, one is overwhelm. You're

just not sure where to start. So, hopefully, this episode helped,

but, like, start small, do the next thing. I've been

using or not so much for me, but, like, telling clients to use ChatGPT

to figure out, like, how does somebody get a new

job or whatever? Like, how does someone organize their toy bins?

Like, ask ChatGPT. Maybe that will give you one idea of what to

do to break it down into steps. You can hire a coach who's done

whatever you want. So if somebody has managed their

money, like, I had a budget coach. She helped me a lot.

I've had a business coach. I've had personal

trainers. You know, I've had a lot of different support in my life,

and I look around and I'm like, who's done what I want? And then

I go hire that person. And that's a huge, like,

hack. Right? Because they can kind of give you the

steps and then you have the accountability to put those steps

together. If you don't wanna hire someone, you can read a

book. You can join a group of people doing what you want like a Facebook

group or an in person group. The thing I want you to know is

that if you want to improve an area of your life,

your internal wisdom, your core self already knows

how to get that. So you can trust that you will

make progress, that there's wisdom inside of you, and that you just keep

moving forward. So the overwhelm can be soothed by saying,

probably do know what to do. Let me just do it. The last one

is time management. I've noticed that people think that they don't have

time to achieve their goals, and, really,

there's always time if we prioritize. Now

that means maybe dropping something, like, not doing

something that you've committed to and saying, oh, I have

to back out of this volunteer position or I have to not take on that

project at work or I have to decide that I'm no longer

washing the dishes in my kitchen until

6PM, which is one of the things I did. Very small step of, like,

I'm not gonna clean the kitchen all day anymore because it's a distraction

from my priorities. So whatever you want

is possible, but it will maybe require you to do

something less. I noticed that a lot of people, if they

wanna do something like play the guitar or learn to play the guitar or

something, you kind of fit in that hobby or that interest or the thing

that brings you joy whenever it seems convenient to, you

know, and, like, whenever there's an empty space. But is

there really ever an empty space in your calendar?

Like, no. You fill it. You fill all the empty spaces. So I'd

love to see you fill the empty spaces with yourself, making

commitments to yourself, putting things on your calendar, and

treating those appointments with yourself

with as much respect as you treat the time that

school starts or the meeting you have at the doctor's

appointment. Like, being as respectful to yourself as you

would to somebody else you've made a commitment to. Committing to

your own calendar. Eliminating distractions is

huge, putting your phone on do not disturb, turning off the wifi on your

computer while you try to do work, leave your phone in another room,

hire a babysitter, lock your door. So there are

ways to create time for yourself and to

create what you want. It's a matter of prioritizing and staying

committed. Now if you commit to something or, like, you think you're committed and then

you keep noticing that you don't make any time for it, go back to your

calendar, make an appointment. I decided that

for the hiking season, because I live in a hot place that we can't really

hike in the summer, but from October to

June, I can hike. And so I was like, you know what? I'm gonna hike

every Sunday morning. Just made a commitment, put that on my

calendar, and that's what I do. If I'm traveling

or ill or whatever, it's no problem. I can make adjustments,

and I'm still committed to it the following week. It's just like a standing

appointment I have with myself. Sometimes I invite people. Sometimes I go

alone. Sometimes I go with Kevin. It's all good. I it's what I'm doing. That's

my commitment to myself. So you get to prioritize your

goals. You get to prioritize your joy. You get to prioritize the

things that you care about. The last thing I wanna

say is all you have to do is

start and trust. So with

radical action, you don't have to figure out all the parts, all

the pieces, all of the things. Just do

the next thing that feels aligned and your intuition is kinda

like, yeah. Say no to that. Do this instead. Or, oh, that let

you up. Say yes. And then just see where you end up. It's a journey.

It's fun. Life can be really interesting. Radical action does not need

to be stressful. It can bring you lots and lots of joy. And

I'm serious about reaching out to me if you wanna talk about any of

the things I talked about in the how to heal series. Or if you're like,

what is this club thing? Like, what is she talking about? Book a

consultation. Let's talk about it and you can join

or you can go to the website and join now,

calmmamacoaching.com. Click on programs, join the

group, and let's move forward. I'd love to support

you on your journey to become a calm mama. Alright.

I will talk to you next week. Have a great

week.