Janice Porter: Hi, everyone, and welcome to relationships rule.
My guest today is coming from sunny California. And I'm very
excited to talk to her. Her name is Kara Steinman. And Kara and I
were introduced through LinkedIn through a podcast agency. And
often I'm not super impressed when that happens, but I got an
inkling when I saw what Kara was all about. And I know you're
gonna love it because she thinks just the way I do. So first of
all, welcome to the show, Kara.
Cara Steinmann: Thank you. I'm
Janice Porter: happy to be here. My pleasure. So tell my audience
please, what you do what your thing is what you're all about.
And they'll know right away that why I said what I said, my
Cara Steinmann: jam, you want to know my jam. I help women
entrepreneurs, build relationships, preferably
professional relationships that make it easier for them to do
business. So strategic relationships.
Janice Porter: And how do you do that?
Cara Steinmann: I do one to one consulting, I help women figure
out who they are. So they can align with the right people and
that sort of thing. But I primarily build communities
online, that help women come together and build really deep
meaningful relationships that keep them well connected. Yeah.
Janice Porter: Which is like music to my ears, because one of
the things I saw in the information that was sent to me
about you was that you believe that funnels are not necessary
relationships are that's a different way that you said it.
But it is essentially the same thing. And I couldn't agree
more. And so, you know, we've been in a in a society lately
where everything's online. And so everyone thinks that we have
to have these funnels to bring in business. Talk to me about
that myth in your eyes.
Cara Steinmann: Gosh, I think that, that it's really easy to
feel like we can write some content and put it out there in
this funnel, and that we won't have to do anything, we won't
have to actually interact, but our words and our content and
all of these things, all of these things that we put out,
there they are. They're reflecting us, and they are
going to build the relationships that we will eventually probably
have in person. Yeah. And so so it's not like it's not as
passive as we would like to think it is. And at one point I
really liked. I really liked inbound marketing, the idea of
inbound, because you weren't, it wasn't pushy, it was very
magnetic. And we could put our stuff out there and just wait
for people to want us and not have to engage in any way until
till they got there. But I think that we're at a time when trust
is so scarce, and people are lonely. And we visibility relies
on us having allies, it really relies on us having deep
meaningful connections that somebody wants to promote you
through. And that requires investing in other people making
the time to do that requires being invested in other people.
Janice Porter: And do you notice that and I couldn't agree more?
And do you notice that? That they're still that you have to
actually teach? Or train certain people that, that in building
relationships, you really do need to focus on showing an
interest in the other person, I believe that we still have to
teach that to some people. Because for different reasons,
like either they're nervous, or they're, they're unsure. So they
start to talk about themselves, or they don't know what kind of
questions to ask whether they're just not comfortable. And with
that, with that process, but it does work. Yeah,
Cara Steinmann: I think you're absolutely right. There's a
couple of things going on there too. You're probably right about
the nervousness, people. But there's this business idea in
business that we have to be busy that we can't talk about
personal stuff, there's that kind of line that we've drawn,
and I don't like it. I don't like that line at all. Because
the people that I want to wreck I work with people I like and in
order to know someone to get to like them, I have to know more
about them than just the service they provide.
Janice Porter: And yes, so I actually when I'm working with
LinkedIn clients, building their profile with them, I talk about
trying to in not trying but by about infusing some subtle
little things into their profile about their, their personal
habits are their hobbies or their interests or some things
that they do when they're not working. So that I can tell or
they can tell if somebody has actually read their profile. If
they find that little thing that maybe they're an avid hiker, or
they play soccer in their spare time or whatever or they they
you know, were a movie buff or whatever it is that maybe
someone looking at their profile had connects to a As a starting
point to build rapport, those are the best kinds of things to
find out. And yet, I will say now you're, you're younger than
I am. And your generation tends to put out more personal things
on the other platforms as well. I have a hard time doing that.
So there's that there is that fine line for me, but I find
with LinkedIn, I can make it work. And and people pay
attention if they pay attention, it makes for better starting
points for relationships, I think.
Cara Steinmann: Yeah. And I think being true to who you are,
that you know, you being less comfortable with the really
personal open stuff in business, that's who you are and how you
operate. And you're going to be more comfortable working with
clients who are more aligned with that level of openness. But
some people and this could be a temperament thing. There's, you
know, the ocean ocean test personality tests that looks at
openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and
neuroticism. These four
Janice Porter: traits know that one, yeah. Okay, ocean, that one
that the extra
Cara Steinmann: the openness trait that might might correlate
with how people act online. And so open, people are going to
have an easier time working with other open people. And that's
not to say you can't work with people who are different than
you. But understanding that they're different from you, is
different than like, really, you know, when you meet somebody,
and you just click, it's usually because you've got something in
common in that way and the way you operate? Right, right,
Janice Porter: exactly. So how do you do you do any training
with your community? Or do you just allow them to, you know, or
do you encourage them getting together? Or do you have events
online or in person to, to have people network,
Cara Steinmann: I built the community, I structured it so
that we would be in a container that felt very safe. And the
guidelines explicitly say we are in a, we're in a safe container,
where we need to be vulnerable if we're going to get to know
each other. And so I do come right out and say that, but then
we have connection calls and mastermind calls that are all
very intimate and comfortable. And, and I really connect, I try
really hard to connect with each new member, one on one at least
once to help them get connected with other people who are alike
to them. So that they start building that network quickly.
And then we have we have the way that it's structured is
structured is very casual. And we have very intimate
conversations in there about things other than work. Ah,
okay, family, and we have a channel called ADHD all day
where the neurodivergent people are talking about challenges in
life and work and family. And then I just launched a purpose
play shop inside the community, which is a daily prompt to help
us build emotional intelligence, self awareness and creative
confidence.
Janice Porter: Hmm, interesting. Okay. So you have a framework
that, and I think that's probably part of what you were
just talking about, that you are maybe not that you use to
generate referrals? And do you? So do you teach that in your
community?
Cara Steinmann: I do. Yeah,
Janice Porter: it's a little bit about that.
Cara Steinmann: Yeah, I call it the radical referrals. roadmap.
And part of that is because the acronym is read our ad. And part
of it is because it's kind of a radical concept to prioritize
relationships in business. That's not where we go with it
naturally, it's very transactional. But I think it
works really better if we're relational with it. And so the
three parts of the framework are R stands for remember, we have
to remember who we are, especially as women, we've been
conditioned away from a lot of our natural tendencies. And we,
we maybe compromise our values to be parents and work in
certain situations. So we have to remember who we are. So that
because, and there's a great quote, by Brene, brown, she
says, our ability to connect with other people is only as
great as our ability to connect with ourselves. So the next step
in the framework is to align. So we have to remember who we are.
And then we can align with the right people. And this is about
values, a lot of it is about values. And you talk, you talked
about putting little kind of easter eggs in your LinkedIn
content, maybe on your website that hint at who you are and
what you care about. And you can do that really easily with
language. And I'm sure you do. That's what you do your clients
probably, you know, I can put pictures of yourself on there
too. But you can also say things like, you can use the words
connection and freedom and whatever, those are part of my
values. So use those. And then once you're aligned with those
people, that's just not enough. I think a lot of people stop
right there. And they stop with like meeting people and
connecting with people and they end up with this giant Rolodex,
that doesn't really benefit them because they haven't gotten to
the last part, which is D, and that's to deepen the
relationship. And it's iterative. It goes around and
around because we're people and we evolve and we learn about
ourselves. So we're constantly doing all three of these things
in the, with the hope that we build a really strong strategic
network of people that We enjoy spending time with and
connecting with. And that's where we get visibility from.
And
Janice Porter: that's also how we build our referral network.
Yes, think
Cara Steinmann: about the word referrals, it just means
someone's referring, referring to you or referring you, they're
talking about you behind your back. And what they're saying is
going to determine how somebody views you. So your visibility
depends on what people are saying about you, behind your
back.
Janice Porter: Yeah, it's an interesting way to say it, I
find that that refer that, that referring people or being a
connector and referring, bringing people together as part
of your network, I think that is really what I love to do. But
when I do it, and I don't know, if you do this in your network,
maybe that you want to protect the people that you're that you
already have that know like and trust with, that are already
gone deep enough with it, that there's that trust factor, that
before you bring that new person in and say, hey, I want you to
to get together, you make sure that you have permission from
the, you're a person that's already in your community,
before you bring somebody else into them. So you ask them, so
you're meeting this new person, either in person or online. And
you're, and you're looking for a way to support them, because you
like what you've seen and heard so far, but you're not there
yet. So you might want to maybe offer something of your own, but
you also know they're looking for help with whatever, so you
know, someone who can help them. But before you connect them, you
check with the other person. And
Cara Steinmann: I do that if I meet somebody outside of the
community, and this wasn't intentional, I think this is
just how it ended up working out for me. If I'm connecting
someone from inside the rebel community, to someone outside
the rebel community, I get both parties consent. If I'm
connecting new members to or existing members who have been
there for a while to someone else inside the community. Other
members inside the community I don't I just make a direct
connection inside the DMS in the community because they're
everybody's operating with the same assumption that, that if
I'm introducing you, there's a reason for it. Or, you know,
there should there's just a feeling and I, I talk a lot
about that too, because I don't have to have a reason sometimes
why two people should meet. You just know, just know these. I
don't know why you guys need to know each other. I just feel
like you do. And I've had people introduce me before by saying
that, and it cracks me up because it's always it often
more often than not ends up being an amazing relationship.
Yeah, but they couldn't really say why. And that's okay.
Janice Porter: Yeah, I love that too. Exactly. So tell me how you
got into all this? What's your background? What, how did you
come to be that entrepreneur that's doing all of this and
building a community, I
Cara Steinmann: came into entrepreneurship, because I'm
completely unemployable. If you look at my strengths profile,
and my Colby, Mo, and all of these, you know, tests,
personality tests and objective ways to look at ourselves, I am
not a person who is easily fits in a box with a description that
I keep doing over and over again. So a lot of it is I tried
to work for other people, and it just didn't work. And so I went
out on my own. And I did a lot of content writing for a long
time and a lot of content strategy. And I was drawn to
that, I think because of the strategy part. But there's also
a lot of project management, and repent, there's a repetitive
nature, in content when you're executing on a strategy over and
over again. And that does not align with me very well. So I
ended up going through kind of a meltdown during COVID. And had
to stop working with clients doing retainer work like that,
because it was really, really draining to me. And I had to
figure out what I am good at. And that required looking at my
core values and my personality and my like I said strengths and
the Colby, Mo and all these tools to kind of objective
objectively say, Well, what should I be doing? If I what am
I doing without even being able to help it? And someone pointed
out to me that I had always worked on referrals. For the
first 10 years of my content marketing and strategy. career,
I didn't even have a website, because I was networking and
building relationships that were strategic, but I didn't realize
I was doing it. So so the rabbit collective came to me because I
was doing COVID I kind of start embracing that again. And I
started connecting with all kinds of people like once you
turn the fire on something you're good at, it kind of gets
a little crazy. And so I was meeting all these women online,
and I couldn't keep track of them. And I wanted them to meet
each other. But it was really time consuming, making email
introductions to everybody. So I just said, you guys, come on,
let's all just get in the same place. Let's come in this
community, let's all network with one another. And then one
of the members asked me that how does it work? Like she asked me
to kind of deconstruct the way that I operate. And so that was
where the framework came from, was just sort of a reverse
engineering of how I naturally operate. Interesting.
Janice Porter: So I'm curious when you were in school, were
you an athlete
Cara Steinmann: I played intramurals. But I was an
outlet. I did martial arts outside of school.
Janice Porter: Okay. Individual sports. Okay. Yeah. So that's
why. Yeah, like, I think there's different skills that come from
individual sports, obviously, to team sports. And I think it
makes a huge difference. So you were very independent in lots of
ways. Yeah.
Cara Steinmann: But very collaborative, too. I did end of
individual sports, but I didn't like I was never very
competitive. Yeah. So I think there's more of a,
Janice Porter: I see, what's that? I see guitars behind you
play music.
Cara Steinmann: I learned to play the piano when I was
growing up. And then I just picked up the guitar last year
and started playing, which was sort of a bucket list item for
me because I had, I had learned to play the ukulele in fourth
grade. And I raised my hand to ask for a left handed ukulele on
the teacher. I am Are you? Yes. Hey, fellow lefties. My
husband's left handed too, but our son is right handed. So we
like to joke that two wrongs make a right. I love it. Yeah.
Janice Porter: Yeah, sorry. I find left handed people that I
was at a bridge table. Last week we play bridge and three out of
the four of us were left handed. That is so unusual. Yeah. It is
the most my family like I have an uncle and uncle who was very
ambidextrous. And my mother was ambidextrous. And my one
daughter is very ambidextrous. She played a lot of sports. And
she can like, bat or hit it with a golf club. Either way, you
know, so, but nobody's left handed my little granddaughters
a little bit ambidextrous, but mostly right handed. But ya
know, left
Cara Steinmann: hold. It's 50% ish genetic. And the other part
is just what you environmental maybe
Janice Porter: that could be true, because back in the old
days, you know, they used to beat it out. Yeah. Yeah. So sad
to hear that anyway. Yeah, so I interrupted you, because I got
Cara Steinmann: it. I had? Well, in this, this kind of goes to
like the belief systems and the things that layer on top of who
we are, right, like, when I melted down during COVID, I
realized I didn't really know who I was anymore, because of a
lot of the messages that I had gotten about myself. Who am I,
you know, the belief systems that we pick up, really, really
get into our subconscious. And it was hard for me to even
imagine that I could have a business other than the one I
had, let alone, like the privilege of building
relationships with people for a living, that's amazing. But just
one of the beliefs that I picked up when I was young was that I,
I put my hand up for a left handed ukulele and the teacher
really embarrassed me in front of the class and shot me down
and said, There's no such thing as a left handed ukulele, you
just need to figure it out. And I was I would think I was
embarrassed, you know, for getting in trouble. I was the
way I perceived it. But also just, you know, being different
and asking for what I needed. And then having that just like,
How dare you ask for what you need? Well, so I kind of had
always wanted to play the guitar. But because of that
experience, I kind of just put it on the shelf and figured
that's not going to be because I'm not ambidextrous, I can't do
anything with my right hand, apparently, but discovered a
little while ago that they totally have left handed guitars
and left handed all kinds of left handed instruments
Janice Porter: you obviously didn't didn't grow up with the
Beatles. Did they play left handed? Paul McCartney's left
handed as he did so he has a left handed look at all the
pictures. He's the one with the guitar. The No, I never noticed
that. I
Cara Steinmann: mean, I love the Beatles, but I'm not like a
Yeah, he's. I did not know that. Yeah. Well, she should have
known that then. Now. I'm really mad.
Janice Porter: Oh, that's too funny. I know. But that's
terrible. As a teacher, I was a teacher, so to hear you, you
know,
Cara Steinmann: I've had a couple of teachers traumatize me
because of, probably because I'm loud. I think I just realized
recently that I have a triggering effect when someone
says I'm a leader, like a leadership issue. And I kind of
dug back and thought, you know, I did have that one teacher who
kind of yelled at me in front of everybody and said, Scott, you
can't always be in charge care. You have to let someone else be
in charge. And like, stop being so bossy
Janice Porter: that I was the Bossy kid to me. I always I'm,
I'm the oldest of four. I had to be bossy. But the other thing is
like, I don't know, when's your birthday was
Cara Steinmann: April 17. Okay, so you're full on Aries, Aries,
Janice Porter: and my daughter is in Aries. Because I'm a
Virgo, and I'm like I have to be in control. And okay, so. But
one of the things in reading all that horoscope stuff, which is
really kind of fun, but I kind of like it. It you can turn it
one way or the other. Right. So you can be the Bossy one. Or you
can be the one that organizes and be you know, yeah.
Cara Steinmann: Right. And I think that's something we learn
when we all those tests are so there, you know, there's
horoscopes, there's human design, there's all these
different ways we can look at ourselves. And I think it's
really valuable too, with a grain of salt, look at all those
things. Because a lot of times some of our greatest strengths
can become our weaknesses. If they're let loose. If they're
not honed and moderated and I think I probably was really
bossy, and I probably was, you know, out of control. But that
doesn't mean that
Janice Porter: none of that you were out of control, you are
probably just speaking your mind and being curious, which I want
to come to in a second because that's the thing. You know, my
one of my kids was the type a who would always push the
teachers, you know, limits and ask questions, and why didn't I
get an A plus? Why was it just an A, my other daughter,
completely introverted? Don't ask me any questions. I want to
sit back in my seat and not, you know, be noticed in the
classroom because God forbid, you should ask me a question.
Totally different. So, I don't know. It's just who you are.
Right? And yeah, we're
Cara Steinmann: a lot of is just an aid. We're just different
people. Exactly,
Janice Porter: exactly. So that being said, I'm guessing that
you are a full on curious person, because quite often good
Networkers are curious people, right
Cara Steinmann: to two of the top five strengths in my Clifton
Strengths profile, are learner and input. And those are both
like, give me all the information. Let me catalog it.
And because of those, I tend to collect people apparently.
Janice Porter: Oh, okay. So it's interesting, I did this. I did
this program once called your sacred gifts. And it was a woman
here who's been doing this for years. And she's really
interesting. And she says, there's 24 Sacred gifts. And
that I trigger something. Oh, I can't hear you.
Cara Steinmann: Sorry, I'm laughing because I muted myself
to write that down. Because I, the last couple of weeks, we had
our little 30 minute strategy call, you know, and you
mentioned that and I wrote it down. But of course, couldn't
find the piece of paper. And I've been trying to remember
last time you did it. I've been trying to remember what was that
assessment?
Janice Porter: I'll send it. I'll send it to you. And it's
not really an assessment. It's a it's a, but you can get an idea
from? Yeah, the first part of it anyway. I might still have it.
I'll see if I can find it. Yeah, super curious. Yeah. So yeah.
Anyway, okay. So tell me this. I'm going to ask you my two part
curiosity. Question. And before we before we ant here. Do you
believe that curiosity is innate? Or learned? And part two
is what are you most curious about these days? yourself?
Cara Steinmann: I think curiosity is absolutely innate,
and that some of us probably develop it more throughout life.
And some of us are probably maybe taught to tamp it down
just a bit. Depending. And I think curiosity, we're all
curious about things, just maybe such different things that we
don't really notice. If someone's not curious about what
we're curious about. We're like, why are they not curious?
Janice Porter: Right, right. Exactly. So it's, it can be
interest based as well. Okay. And what are you curious about
today?
Cara Steinmann: I am still most curious today, about the same
thing. I've been curious about my entire life, which is like,
why are people the way they are? And that, you know, that feeds
into how Why does one person get along with one person and not
with another person? And how do we interact with one another,
and the, you know, foundations of a relationship and how they
grow and build and just, I'm interested in people and how
they relate to themselves and each other? That's great.
Janice Porter: Do you I see you as the kind of person that
sometimes people will say to me, well, two things, one, that I
can talk to someone for five minutes and come away and know
their entire life history? And secondly, someone will say to
me, Wow, no one's ever asked me that question before or, or, you
know, I've never shared this with anyone before. So in other
words, I can get to the core quite quickly with people. And I
have a sense that you can too.
Cara Steinmann: That's funny, you mentioned that, because when
I was going through this kind of meltdown, trying to figure out
who am I, I felt like I wasn't really good at anything anymore.
And looking back, that might partly be because so many of my
really, like core strengths are softer skills. They're not
execution related. You can't see something on the other end of
it. But I asked my husband, Babe, what do you think my
superpower is? Yeah. And he said, Oh, that's easy. You can
talk to somebody for five minutes, and they're telling you
stuff, they wouldn't even tell the therapist. Yeah. And I'm
like, at that, that there again, though, that has been a
liability at times, because people will tell me stuff. I
don't really want to know. And you don't put it right. Yeah.
And then and sometimes it's fine. And I've learned to, you
know, just roll with it. And to be really non judgmental, I
think because when people tell you stuff about themselves your
whole life, you have to just learn to just let it be but
people will some people will get a vulnerability hangover and
avoid me after they've told me something very intimate. Okay,
and I'm not judging but I think that there's some shame there
that maybe it's misplaced.
Janice Porter: Well, then, then you would probably know how to
bring them around.
Cara Steinmann: Yeah, usually it's okay but you know, Certain
people are more more apt to let their shame control them than
others. But yes, you're we're probably very much alike. Yeah,
I
Janice Porter: think we are in so many ways. And so just before
we wrap up, let's get back to business for a second. And, and
you see how they are really so totally related. It's just
crazy, right? And core values. That's where it all comes down
to. I mean, when I meet someone on LinkedIn for the first time,
and even just the questions that I asked if they answer them,
don't answer them. If they ask a question, if they even care
enough to ask a question, if they've read my profile, all of
those things come into play for me, initially, until I can, you
know, sort of peel back the first layer and see if they're
interested in doing that. But I've met some really interesting
people, just from being online, which is kind of fun. You have
one thing I was curious about here that that you asked, what
are some unconventional ways to build your network on LinkedIn?
What do you have, because I teaching people all the time. So
I'm just curious what you do that works, or that you show
people,
Cara Steinmann: I think that probably comes from not starting
my search on LinkedIn. And I don't focus a lot on, on posting
and starting the conversation myself, I like to jump into
other people's conversations, I like to get into the comments of
posts that I find interesting, and talk to people who are
already in that conversation. So it doesn't have to be me
starting the conversation. Yeah, and I'm also not afraid to take
it to the DMS like right away, because I don't have an agenda
right away, like I don't have anything I need from you or want
from you. I just want to connect. And usually to tell
them that I really liked what they had to say or that I think
they're really interesting, or probably because I'm curious. So
I guess that's where it comes from, is just like a very innate
curiosity about people and what they're all about and what
they're doing. Yeah,
Janice Porter: that's, that's interesting, because that is a
strategy that I show people sometimes, but I'm more about
hanging out in the mailbox in the private messaging. And so I
will do is show people a way to, you don't even have to go to the
content, you can just do a strategic search to find some
people in either a category or a location or whatever filters you
want to use to find some prospects or some referral
partners or strategic collaborators that you want to
find on LinkedIn. And then start looking at those profiles. And
from there, go in and ask to connect with them, or follow
them for a bit if you prefer, I go right to connect with a
message and try to get them into a one on one. And, and it works.
And I have a few messages that I that I like to ask them to see
if I can get them talking about themselves. So it's kind of fun.
So that works, too. So
Cara Steinmann: that sounds like it's interesting, because you
have a slightly different approach than I do to kind of
get to the same end, I'd be curious to know what your what
your Colby Mo is because it sounds like you have some
structure and some rep like repetitive systems that sort of
work
Janice Porter: for why it didn't study my Colby that closely. So
I'll have to go back and look at it and see well,
Cara Steinmann: I'm super curious, because I'm the
opposite of you. I don't have a structure or a system that I can
like really repeat. But which is why I start outside of LinkedIn
and just in the real world, then I go because it's so easy to
connect directly with people, I go find them and talk to them on
LinkedIn just directly.
Janice Porter: We'll have a conversation about that one.
Yeah, definitely. Okay, thank you. That's awesome. Well, this
has been amazing. And I appreciate your time. And I love
that we have so much in common and and that we're both left
handed it couldn't have gotten it before we end, I wonder if
you have any final words for my audience and where people can
find you. And I will, of course put it in the show notes as
well. But over to you. You
Cara Steinmann: know, I think I would just piggyback again, on
what you said earlier about letting yourself come through in
your marketing and your content and your, you know, interactions
online. I think if you are willing to let yourself be seen,
it'll be a lot more easy to it'll be a lot easier to build
your reputation and become visible and have success because
people have to see you to appreciate you and want to work
with you.
Janice Porter: Very cool. Thank you. Where can they find you?
Cara Steinmann: I just like to connect on LinkedIn. So LinkedIn
Janice Porter: it is and I have that. So I will put that in the
show notes. Thank you so much, Kara, for being here and for
sharing your expertise and personality with us and I've
Cara Steinmann: enjoyed it so much. Thank you.
Janice Porter: You're very welcome. And to my audience,
thank you so much, and we will see you on the other side.