Welcome back to Become a Calm Mama. I'm your host. I'm Darlyn

Childress. And today, I have something I've never done before.

I invited a couple of moms who have

taken the emotionally healthy kids class this past year to

tell us their story about their

experience taking the class, why they signed up, what they learned,

and how that class has impacted them. The 2

common things that stood out to me from both of

these interviews was just how

much confidence each of the moms had after

taking the class. And I I always talk about that, like, parent

leadership and that confidence, that internal confidence that we wanna have as

moms. And just hearing the Idea of confidence from their

perspective was really just eye opening for me to see just

how important that is for Any mom who

is raising kids and feels a little bit like, what am I supposed to do

here, and how do I handle this, and am I doing it right? And

that kind of mind drama, it it actually

creates the fatigue, really. And and then also makes it so that you

don't feel clear and you can't show up the way you wanna be. So I

love that. And then, the other thing that struck me was just

how how much these moms felt that What they learned in

this class was going to help their children long term,

and that is my vision and my goal for

teaching parenting classes is to heal the

next generation in advance, to give kids the

tools that they need so they're emotionally healthy long term.

And since I can't, you know, work with every child, I work with the families

and I work with the parents. And I give the parents the tools, and they

sort of transfer those tools to their children. So

I loved hearing just how that's true and

how inspiring and hopeful the moms feel after taking the

class. So we're gonna pop right in. The 1st interview is

with Nicole, and then the 2nd interview is with Kristen.

And I think you're really gonna enjoy the interviews. So let's get into

it. You took

the class in January, and I wanted to,

yeah, invite you on to share kind of where you were before you took

it, how it was to take the class, and then it's been a few months.

So where where are you? I'm totally happy to share

this story because I think, I landed in

your inbox or in Darlyn land,

mostly because I felt like I was

totally failing as a mom, felt like everything was

just kind of out of hand. I wasn't showing up. Like, I think if

I distilled it down, I wasn't showing up as the mom I

want to be, and that was impacting

everything. I mean and and kind of part of what I learned in your class,

there's other things impacting why I wasn't showing up as that mom I wanted to

be. But, yeah, it was kind of like a felt like a triage reach

out, and it happens to coincide with the start

of your class. And I was like, okay, universe.

I'm listening. Like, let's give this a try. And now here

I am, like, coming up on a year later. I mean, it's been

a a 9 month journey. That irony does not escape me at

all. And, yeah, I'm so grateful I

bumped into it when I did and totally happy to share, like, the ways

it's impacted, How I'm showing up as a parent, how I'm showing up even as

a partner, with Emerson's dad, with my husband.

Yeah. It's a lot. Yeah. Tell us. Tell us. Tell us. Just go.

Alright. Well, I think where my journey started was really

feeling overwhelmed by kind of everything. And it

wasn't just some of what I was experiencing from my daughter's

behavior and how she was showing up, but it was

Trying to run a business and trying to

be a spouse and trying to still

maintain friendships and take care of myself. Emerson at kind of

her developmental stage at that point in time, I feel

like really was starting to show just Some behaviors we were kind

of unprepared to handle. So it was kind of starting

with bedtime and, like, some of the bedtime defiance, and

then We were getting these much more

robust kind of outbursts that were new for

us anyway, like a lot more of that kind of,

At the time, what I labeled is really, like, stubborn behavior

or bad behavior, frustrating behavior, And I kinda showed

up, like, with the attitude of like, darling, please tell me how to get my

kid to behave. I think that's where we often start because our brain

before you take the class or exposed to this parenting mindset, it's like, if

I can get my kid to behave, everything will change. Everything will be

easier. And so we want to, like, focus on that external.

Exactly. And, that was really kind of where it started. And it didn't last

long because it has that's not how you how you help

us learn. And really quickly, I was, like, reframing.

It's not that she's a bad kid

or a hole kid or A defiant

kid, it's like, wow. Like all the rest of us, she's having really big

emotions. And I think what was the most one of the most pivotal

points for me was like, You know what? I'm actually

having really big emotions, and I am not

regulating, and I am not dealing with my own stuff. So,

yeah, she's showing up just the way that she's going to show up that's natural,

that's normal, that's appropriate for her age, And, like, oh,

crap. It's me. Like, I'm the one that has to that

has to do the work. And it was both really challenging and really

comforting to realize that Because I went, it's not

about controlling her behavior. It's my responses to her

behavior. And as Soon as we kind of, like,

started to hook into that, it started to make

everything easier. And then You do such a good job, and I think where the

class was so critical for us is the

specific tools, scripts,

Narratives. Four steps. And they were easy for me to

talk about with my husband along the way, and this is where if,

Like, god, if I could give your class to every parent ever, I think we

actually could change the world for generations. Believe so. Yes. That's my goal.

I Yeah. I'm not, like, blowing smoke up your skirt with

that. I really mean that because it

gave new light into generational things for both me and

my husband. Ways that we were showing up as parents that

were just default, and now we've been able to shift

them. And holy cow. Like, that's

brought so much more peace to our household. And I

will say the other big realization was, like, How

much I was not taking good enough care of

myself physically and emotionally, and that was impacting my

ability to Get regulated, stay regulated, and then actually

help my child through that. As I have shifted a lot

of that for myself, I'm showing up the way that I

want to, and that's like chef's kiss,

magical, Exactly how I want to actually be as a

mom. My heart is, like, swollen for how I

always think, like, as a coach I'm your coach as

the mom, but I really always feel like I'm the child's coach

through you. Like, it's this weird meta thing that I experience, and so

my heart is just so full for your daughter. Just how

her whole trajectory is going to be

different because of the way that you and your husband have Showed

up for her and helped her articulate her emotions. You're still

holding her accountable and responsible, but not for the emotions. Right? It's

like, yeah, we all have to deal with our behavior and the impact of

that, giving her those tools to help her feelings. And, like, as you

learn, she learns. Oh, we all learned because

I had to figure out real fast. There was a couple times when I was

like, oh my god. I can't even name my emotion. How do I

expect my how can I expect my 5 year old? Like, I've gotta figure

that out, not just for her, but for me. And

It was kind it was really interesting because one of the, like,

side things that has occurred isn't even directly related

to Emerson necessarily, But with my

husband and how I'm regulating myself and how I'm

showing up or how I'm noticing and, like, Trying to respond

or track his emotional responses better. And so

it's like, sure. You know? Yes. Definitely helping me show

up better for my kid, But, like, impacting my marriage,

and that wasn't something I expected. And I love, frankly, what

that's doing for us and and what that's gonna

do for my daughter for the rest of her life, how that's gonna

impact her. Yeah. Yeah. So it's so beautiful. Sometimes I

think about the model, the calm mama process is really a relationship model.

Right? Like, am I calm? I could do and am I taking excellent care

of myself on all levels, like emotionally and physically

intending to my own needs. That's my job. Right? So if

I'm expecting my kids to do that or my husband or my

Colleagues at work, then I'm in that codependent, like,

unhealthy place. I can't get good unless you help me get good.

We were okay. We're calm, and then we, like, look at

our whoever we're in a relationship with, and we're like, what's wrong with them?

Are they okay? What do they need? What's their feelings? Are they

activated? And approaching it from that place first.

And then, of course, we always need to still set limits and boundaries. Like, you

can be like, to your husband, you can be really angry, but the way

you're expressing that Doesn't work for me right now, so I'm gonna take a

beat. But Yeah. With kids, it's different, but I think

the process itself is where it impacts All of our

relationships. Right? Like and I love that healing Totally.

Partnership. I know I mean, I know this is, like, Audio recording, but I've been,

like, nodding my head, like, emphatically the whole time you're

talking. And it's I mean, part of my work is I

work with really Challenging team dynamics. So groups that

are struggling to function optimally is, you know, a subset of

my clients, and we'll do it there. Like, I'll teach

them the pause break. I'll teach them like, hey. What are

you experiencing right now? And they're like, we're good. We're good.

Like, well, let's let's see if we can name a couple of it. And so

it's amazing, but what that makes me think of is my

kid will grow up Not needing that part of it. She will

grow up knowing how to do that because I've been able to do the

work now to help her learn that. And

it's it's just really incredible because, you know, she'll have, like,

a what you call a big feeling cycle, which I would have called, like, a

Tantrum or, you know, plenty of other colorful adjectives

before. If I start feeling myself get activated, I'm like, hey. Mommy's gotta step out

for a minute because my body is not feeling right and

my emotions, I'm getting upset, and I wanna show up in a way

that is best for you. I think when I go out and I do that

and I regulate and then I come back in, It's not even magic. It's

it's exactly the way you deliver it and you teach it. It's formulaic. Like,

it totally works. I come back in. We connect to her emotion.

We figure out what we wanna do with it. We write it out, and then

we're out of it. Whereas before and, I mean,

Hello, podcast land. How many times Darlyn called me out on this, but,

like, here I am, like, trying to emotionally and logically

reason with a 5 year old or, like or 4 at that point,

you know, or lecture on bad behavior and, like, teaching

and, Like, none of that matters in that moment,

but it all matters later. And that's what I think is so beautiful about your

model Is we have room for our emotions, like,

as humans, which we all are news flash.

And then there are still also

Strong boundaries, consequences when there needs to

be, lessons learned, but with much greater impact

than any of the yelling or lecturing or, you

know, frustration or blow ups were were

ever doing, and it's just It's so beautiful how

it's impacted our family. Make me so happy. Yeah. I think about

bedtime. Like, I always joke that Bedtime

is already the worst consequence that could happen to a child. Like, it's

the worst thing is currently happening, and then you're threatening

to get them to go to bed, like future worst things. Like, you're not gonna

have TV tomorrow, or I'm not gonna do whatever. And They

they're, like, not in the future at all. They don't care, and they're

already so sad. And so when we Have our,

like, lecture threat, you know, situation. It it doesn't even move

the needle at all, and we're doing it to try to, like, get them to

go to bed. Or And it's like, if we connect, oh, it's so hard to

go to bed. Well, I'm gonna come back and check on you. You know, I'm

gonna take 5 minutes and then come back. As long as you stay in bed,

I'll come back in here, and you kind of, like, learn that model. You

can still have a consequence the next day if you need to.

Or that moment you're describing driving as though everybody has that, right, where it's,

like, right in the middle of the misbehavior. We wanna, like,

tell them all the things that are bad about this behavior and what's going on

and why they should stop and why we have the rule in the 1st place,

and it's so ineffective. Well and that that was the thing is,

like, If it's not working, why the heck am I doing it?

I'm literally wasting my energy. I'm upsetting her. The whole house

is getting out of whack, and it's like, If there were a better way

to do something, I want to do the better way. I just didn't have

the tools. Right. I didn't have the not any of that in

my toolbox. And now, you know, it's god,

it just feels so much better. There's so much

more peace. And as a parent, I have so

much more confidence because your

you really helped me hook into empathy for my child,

which sounds like A horrible thing. Like, I didn't have empathy for

my kid. But it's like when you're in the heat of

the moment and you're like, for the love of God, just go to bed.

Like, please get ready for school. Get your shoes on. Go you

know, whatever the thing is. Obviously, mine's little, so, you

know, we're kind of in those phases of the years. But it was like,

you know, when I am feeling rushed, that's, like, my

number one thing that I don't like, and then I was like, I do it

to my kid all the time. So how could I even expect her to

show up differently If I would be responding exactly the way

she was, if someone was doing that to me and it's like

so many of those moments, and now I'm like, Okay.

Either what do we need to change so that we're not as rushed,

or how can I be there for her in a way that's like, yeah, I

don't like this either, and it's what we've gotta do?

So let's get through it from that lens instead of this

kind of A man in control with all of these super

unreasonable expectations about how kids should show up.

You know, I mean, she had this really, like, cranky morning the other

morning. Out of bed, I was like, oh, it's gonna be one of those days.

Like, you can tell. It wasn't what I wanted for the day. It was, like,

one of the 1st days of fall break, and we were gonna go do stuff,

and that's just not where she was. And I think

Before I took your class, that would have thrown me off, and I would

have been frustrated or resentful or, you know, all these other

things. And you know what I did? I sat next to her on the couch,

I'm like, seems like you're having kind of a crabby, cranky

morning. And she she kinda nodded her head, and she was like, yeah. And you

could tell she looked like She was bracing to get in trouble, and I'm like,

mommy has those days too. What would feel

good? And, like, I know. Are you so proud of me right now?

I am. I'm so proud of you, and I'm just so delighted by

the, like, in interaction. You know? It's. And I love that

she was, like, racing, and then when she just experienced all

this compassion and just how much her core her cortisol lowers.

Right? Not like the other neurochemicals are getting flooded. Like,

balmy oxytocin is the best and, like, all of that yummy stuff that's

going on between the 2 of you. Yeah. Stress response for being

in trouble that your cortisol at a certain set

point through life, and then you're bracing yourself kind of constantly.

Like, you're right? And so you're like, no. No. No. We

don't have to do that. You don't have to pump that cortisol right now or

that adrenaline or any of that, honey. You're fine. And it's like resetting her

nervous system while it's developing. Oh, that's

giving me chills. And it's rewiring mine.

Because that means when she shows up in those big feeling cycles or however she's

showing up, it doesn't have to trigger my cortisol either.

I don't have to activate into that. So it's like forming

hers, but it's rewiring mine. And this is what I

mean about, like, generational change. Like, this

is why it's so beautiful and why I am, like,

anybody and everybody, please take Darlyn's

classes Because it's it really is impacting, I

think, future generations. I know. I don't think. I know.

Yeah. Yeah. It's I mean, my My goal for

her is for her to not need to take a class

like yours when she grows up. That that I can

do it and learn it and practice it well

enough to, like like you said, like, not even need that level

of Intervention that she just shows up, and that's that's

natural for her. That's why that's why I call the

class, like, emotionally healthy kids because It's like my dream and goal is that

they grow up to be emotionally healthy adults, and this is what we're doing

in the real time, like, at 4, at 5, at 8, at

12. Yeah. But you're like a

emotional health ninja. Like, I I signed up for the class, and I

was like, this is good to help. This is about my kid. This is

and then I was like, oh, snap. It's about me. This is

a lot like, I got a lot To learn. And that was like that ninja

part there where I wasn't kind of expecting that because if you

would've asked me, I would've been like, no. I'm pretty. I'm solid. I've got good

skills. I do facilitations with this. I, you know, work with 1 on

1 clients, that sort of thing. I learned so much about myself,

And that is what was such a beautiful and and kind

of unexpected part of the journey that I really see lasting

in our family. So Thank you for that. Well,

you you were delighted to have in the class, and this conversation is super

delightful. So I'm just Grateful. Thank you for

sharing your story and being willing to help other moms,

like, who right now are feeling Like, they're okay, but

if they want it to be better. Right? It doesn't have to be desperate. It

doesn't have to be the worst scenario ever. Like, it could just be

it's not what you wanted, And and then you could take this

class and then maybe get it. Like, you know, go down the other side and

be like, oh, no. We do have the family that I wanted, the peace and

the ease and the joy.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh, well, thank you. Thank you. Thank

you. Thank you. Well, I love

that conversation with Nicole Lance, and now I'm

going to introduce Kristen Lafontaine. So let's get

into the next interview. Yeah. You can introduce yourself

and then kinda just start with, like, a little bit about your family

and what drew you to the class, and then we'll just go from there. So

welcome. Thanks again for having me. And, yeah. So I'm Kristen Lafontaine,

and I am a mom of 5. My oldest is 11, and

my youngest Just turned 7 yesterday, so I had 5 kids in

5 years, set of twins in there. I

also own small businesses. So I have 5

locations of preschools or child care centers, couple child care

centers, couple preschools. Some of them are nature

schools and a private school that I started with my husband, and they've grown

and we're continuing to grow. So I like to think we've grown our

family and our businesses, and then through that, now I coach small

business owners, on the side as well, which is how I'm

thinking. Because you're like a professional child care provider.

Right? You work with preschool Right. Preschoolers

and the, you know, educators of preschoolers. And then you've

had 5 preschoolers, and then now you have 5 elementary schoolers.

One just joined just started middle school. So you're, like, in

the world of all of it. And and then you

took the emotionally healthy kids class. So I'm curious, like, what drew you

to it? You know, I've known you for a few years

now, and I've been on the periphery of your work. I've seen

you, and then just knowing who you are, like, I just resonate so much with,

like, your perspective on the world and the way you see kids. So

in in some ways, I'm an advocate for children in early childhood education.

And then you, of course, just knowing you, you are such an advocate for children

and their experience in the world, And so you work with

their parents. For me, I don't feel

like parenting comes Easy for me or, like, even being

with children. Like, I have always kind

of struggled with being able to, like, Get them

especially those early years. And so I spent a lot

of years being really frustrated as a mom and

really, really overwhelmed. I mean, not just because of how many

little ones I had all at once, but just, I don't know. Maybe the way

my brain works or the way I was raised,

just always kinda struggled with that. And so,

Yeah. As my oldest started to go into middle school this summer,

I started to kind of freak out thinking that, Oh my gosh. Like,

I've maybe I've been losing time or, like, I've spent

so much energy on the businesses and just kinda getting by as a

parent. I just Wanna do better by them. So your

class is perfect because it's you know, I'm busy. It was

6 weeks 1 on 1 in a small group where I get

to learn how you, you know, teach about, you

know, calm, Connect limit set

correct Yep. And process. Mhmm. And,

it was just so so, like You know when

you learn from a teacher and you're like it's like it just clicks.

Like, you you are really good at

Teaching what I take as, like, complicated parenting

concepts and, like, drill it down in a way that's, like, really simple,

Easy to understand and really

easy to apply. So Mhmm. Yeah. Sometimes it

gets It can parenting feels, like, really complicated because I I do think

it is complicated in that you're in a relationship with another person

who has an emotional life and their whole a whole

experience. And in any other relationship in your life, you're

not also responsible for teaching them how to be in the world, like,

you know, how to behave. Like, it's not really our

responsibility in any other relationship. Maybe if you're a teacher, but it's only to behave

in your classroom. And so as a parent, I think it gets really

confusing. Like, yes. You're sad, but you can't hit

your brother. Or Right. You know, like, it's yes.

You're you're worried about you know, you're disappointed we're not gonna get ice cream

today, but that doesn't mean you can just scream the whole drive from

the park and how to balance those 2. So that's what I

like about teaching parenting is, like, articulating

the complication, like, why it is so hard, you know,

and then bringing it together. So glad that you felt that when you took

the class and learned the concepts

because it's like I'm teaching you how to be in a relationship with your kid

and help them be in a relationship with themselves through connection, but

then also still have limits and consequences

and and all, but not be mean and mad.

Yeah. It's so hard for me to marry those 2. Like,

how gentle can you be, but also, like, it's

pandemonium in my house sometimes, you know, with 5. I've and I've just learned

so much from you on how to balance and for me to be calmer and

have more structure, Yeah. Smooth routines in our home

and transitions. What's the difference that you've noticed? Because you took the

class. Maybe it's been 6 weeks since it ended possibly, and so you were

in it 6 weeks, and then it's been so it's pretty fresh still. And,

so I'm just curious, like, what it's been like after taking it or while you

were in it and, yeah, just share your experience a little bit.

Sure. Well, first of all, I think you create a

really safe space, and that's always been a hard thing for me too because

I've always been felt like kind of a fraud. Like, oh, no. I'm

the person who owns preschools.

I'm, like, working with kids, and I'm, like,

losing my mind at home with my own children. And I'm like, oh, you just

feel I've felt a lot of guilt and shame for that. So

I think it's always been hard for me to overcome that and

even feel safe enough to, like, show up in a class or

something like that. So That's a big thing for me. My

ability to just feel more connected to my kids has

improved. And I I think too, I

feel more confident. Whereas before, I felt a

lot of, like, confusion of, like, am I doing this right?

Like, is this even working? Whereas now it feels, like, very clear. Like, oh,

okay. I just need to, I don't know. Calm myself down a little bit more

or focus on connecting, and then everything just gets better. And so

I'm just just it feels simpler and easier in

my home. That's amazing. And now I'm taking your middle school

class because, that's a whole new thing for

me. So trying to connect with 11 year old who's just rolling her

eyes and stomping away most of the time. Yes.

Yes. Working through her big feelings in her own way.

It's so different how when they get a little older, it might is

isn't maybe so much, like running away and screaming

and kind of tantruming right underneath your feet. And, like,

in showing all their big feelings in their body, it becomes so much more I

always say, like, it moves from their body to their mouth to their

eyes. So, like, when you have, like, 0 to 6, they they show all their

big feelings in their body. And then 6 to 12, it's all in their mouth.

It's like Yeah. And then, like, 12 and up is just silence

and rolled eyes and walk away. Yeah. Oh, that's so

true. Yeah. You almost wish you could have a tantrum again in

some ways when because you're like, well, at least We're talking about

what's going on. Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm curious. Like,

sometimes I notice that when I when I talk about the

class, like, the the 4 parts, maybe it feels like it it's so

convoluted and complicated, and the class is gonna be complicated. And then you've said, like,

it was really simple and accessible and easy to learn. And

I'm I'm wondering If you could just talk about the process of it a

little bit. I'm I would have to say since it was, like, I was fresh

learning your process Mhmm. It was. I suppose during the 6

week, it did you know, you you take that whole 6 weeks to

kind of get it, like, really see it. But All

through it, I felt like I was able to take pieces and

apply it and just start practicing it. And then, you have

it in a small group format, so, you know, there's Some other parents in there

that you get to learn from. So whether they bring, you know, a situation, then

you're like, oh, okay. Got it. That's Like, you kind of

learn deeper how to connect or how to set limits

that make sense. And so it's helpful to hear from other people

as well to kinda start to apply it. So I felt

like by the end of 6 weeks, I was like, okay. I think I get

it. It still feels like I'm learning how to ride a bike a

little bit, but Mhmm. I, like, know where to go for

answers, and the support you get from you is

So, so amazing. Like, I've emailed you. I've written in your

Facebook group. I've set up, you know, a call. I know that I have resources

that I could go to, You know, in your in the group, and,

I'm always going back to the workbook Mhmm. And,

referencing that is just like a gold mine, while staying

simple. So I I

liked, I liked that small group aspect of

it and learning from other people and with being in, like, a safe

place to learn with each other. Yeah. That's so true.

I kind of feel that it does take a few weeks after you learn

the concepts to kind of allow all of it to

come in because you're really learning a whole new parenting philosophy

and approach and regulating your own nervous system.

I do believe that in 6 weeks, you get that foundation, and

it is why I have the additional 6 months of support

because I want you to be practicing what you've

learned and continuing to problem solve

and troubleshoot with me. And so I wondered if you could share a little bit

about, like, that support, what that's been like, you know,

with this like, in your I'd like you to share, like, what are the resources

that you tap into and and how do you use them? Yeah.

Yeah. Like I mentioned, I mean, I was able to write into the Facebook group.

I have no problem being as long as it's, like, a safe place, like,

Sharing things that are happening for me. I think it can be valuable to hear

from other people like, oh, I'm not alone. For so many years as a parent,

I felt really alone and isolated. Like, I would ask people, like, do

your kids, like, rip up furniture, or do your kids, like, tear

up your walls, or do they do you, like, Are you afraid they're gonna

run away? You know? Like, can you take them places? Maybe, like, I don't know

what you're talking about. Like, you know, they nap, and they're fine. And I'm like,

I just feel like I'm dying inside. I'm all alone. So

I value being a part of a small, safe place.

So whether it's, like, in this group small group live, you know, or, like,

in a Facebook group. So, I mean, I've used that, and I wrote wrote into

you. And and then, also, I've seen other people write in,

and ask about, like, TV time during dinner or, other things going

on. And I'm like, I'll read those comments or your feedback, and it's

so helpful for me too to make decisions for my family

and and see how to use those tools and and think

through it. So I've used that, and, you helped so

much with that. That was when my 6 year old was running away, which he

hasn't since we we've, like, solved that problem. In fact, the other day, he got

it he, Darlyn recommended, for him, like, getting a

little specials place. You know, we're 7 people in a little 3 bedroom

house, and so he has, like, a little tent that he has. And the other

day, he, like, got it out, and he was like it was like on his

bed, and he was like in the tent on his bed. And I was like,

oh, I'm so so glad you're in your special space, and he was just

just there, so he hasn't run run away since.

And then I've booked, private, mini

with you to just talk through, gosh,

maybe all of my kids by now. I don't know. 3 or 4 of them.

I don't remember. But, You know, there's usually something going on. You know?

I have kids with sensory issues. You know? They've been through speech

therapy. They, You know, maybe have other diagnoses that

I don't know about that we're kind of exploring. And so,

just being able to support their challenges with somebody. Whereas I feel

like if I'm talking to my friends or my husband, then I'm we're like

I don't know. The the blind leading the blind sometimes. Mhmm. You know?

Mhmm. We're just like, I heard this on Facebook or you know, it's it's

not necessarily, like, helpful or useful information. Yeah. When

it's a lot of different voices and a lot of different opinions and trying to

bring all that together. I always say, like, you don't have to read all

the parenting books. I've read them. So you can read them if you want, but

You could just take my entire brain, and we'll apply it to your one situation.

And I do love those private. So you get to book those 15 minute calls

once a week, and, You know, have you had trouble getting into those calls? Like

No. I'm it's, like, shockingly accessible

and so amazing, and I'm like, Okay. Every almost every week, I'm

booking something with you, and it is I feel like the

things that used to take forever to solve in my

Life or they would just literally, my kids would just grow out of it. So,

I mean, that could be 6, 8, 12 months where I'm just like, this thing

is, like, really bothering me that this 1 kid is doing, and then you just

kinda deal with it. Now I'm like, I have a strategy. I have a plan.

I have somebody a resource that I can go to. I'm just like I feel

like I'd won the jack Really, literally. Like, I cracked the

code. And I spent so many years just being

frustrated and confused and really stressed out. And,

I think as I've gotten older, I've gotten wiser and realized, like, no.

Find your teacher and use

those tools and just make it simple. And, so,

yeah, this is a really has been really wonderful. So and then

I've emailed you about something Oh, yes. Right. Working through, and

that's been wonderful also. Maybe longer things that I'm dealing

with. Yeah. And, I mean, I know you have

resources online. Yeah. Whole classes.

Yeah. So and I really haven't had to Access those

yet, but I know they're available if I need it. I've really been just referencing

the workbook and just picking out pieces, you know, when you learn

something new. It is, Like you said, like, a little it takes time

to kinda integrate it and synthesize it and make it like, apply it to

your life. So I just feel like I'm slowly getting little pieces of it.

The next aspect for me is I guess with each kid is a little bit

different, but just working on those limits, you know, and and

the correction piece. Yeah. A little bit better. I'm like,

oh, I have a plan. Like, I know where to go next rather

than just yeah. I think there's a lot of confusion.

That's how I felt too. Kid. Yeah. And I I,

like, I find that the process, at least for me,

it's like It's just these these broad

outline of how to manage any situation. I'm like, okay. 1st, am

I calm? Like, have I am I, like, activated for any reason? Am

I am afraid? Am I stressed? Am I angry? I wanna get

to that place, and that's such a foundational part of

the class that for some of us, we need to just work

there for a while. It's like you can learn a lot of great parenting tools,

but then if you are overwhelmed, you can't remember them.

Yeah. And So that calm piece, and then it's like, well, have I

connected? Have I considered how it's going for my kid? Like, from their

perspective, what the heck is going on over there? Instead of just going behavior

first. It's like from the inside out. Like, what is

happening in internally that's driving their behavior?

And then I'm okay. Well, do I need a limit? Did they mess up? Do

they need to, like, make repair? I kind of feel like

in any behavior, any situation from the time Lincoln Four till

he's 19, I've worked through that same process. And

the limit is different, and the way I connect is different, and

the consequences are different. But the Big picture of, like,

how to do it is always there, and that's what I

I feel like you're saying. Like, you've kind of got this, like,

understanding of how to parent and then kind of the

internal what actual limits you need to say or,

what consequences actually need to happen. Those are gonna come as you

practice and figure it out, knowing what to do.

Mhmm. Yeah. And I really like how you

teach, calm. I remember several years ago,

I bought A couple parenting books, and they talked a lot about, like, you

can't do anything unless you're calm, and it made me really angry. And I don't

know whether I didn't It wasn't

really clear, like, how self compassion comes into

that or if I didn't get it. I'm not really sure if I maybe I

wasn't ready for that, but I feel like you're the way you

teach it is so compassionate and, like, understanding

of moms and how angry and frustrating you know,

That's normal, and it's okay. And, and

then also ways to calm yourself down and just be

compassionate with yourself and yet Recognize, like, this is just,

you know, the thoughts you're thinking or the way your body is reacting, like your

nervous system, and it makes sense. And I think that's so

helpful. I definitely need that.

Mhmm. I hadn't found that before. Mhmm.

Yeah. It's so I mean, it's it's not

my favorite part because I like all of the parts, but

to teach, but I feel it's them

once once a person is able to really calm their nervous system

and see behavior from a totally different lens and

not think of it as a reflection of themselves or if something's wrong with

their kid or something's wrong with them, like, seeing behavior as normal,

That's an expression of feelings. All of

that mindset really kind of freeze the the mother or

the parent to to show up with compassion

towards the kids and clarity on like, okay. This is a skill gap or this

is like a misunder whatever they need, the limit. I never

liked any parenting program that was like, be calm. No

tools. Yeah. Exactly. I felt like that's what I was running up against. It

would make me so mad. I'd Be like, you try to be calm in this.

Like, what in the world? How how am how am I supposed to do that?

That makes no feel about it's like, be calm and then no tools or or,

like, be compassionate. Help your kids regulate, but no

tools. Set limits. No scripts. No tools. I was

like, No. No. No. I wanna figure it out, so that's

why the my program is pretty tool heavy, and I think that maybe it's like,

How do I integrate these tools? But there is a how to in

it. Mhmm. Yeah. That's another, thing Thing

that I was thinking about is that you have a lot of, like,

practical, actionable, like, tips and and tools

that I love. Like Mhmm. Just like, okay. I'm gonna try this next. I'm gonna

do this. I know what to do in this in this moment. You know? Like,

there's a plan rather than Just a

concept. Just an idea. Like, go out and be be you know? I I

always feel like I'll say to moms, like, we need you know? Or they're here.

You have to validate your children's emotions. And then they're

like, you're sad. And then they have

no idea what to do next, and it's like Right. That's how I felt. I

felt like, Okay. You need to set boundaries, and I'd be like, okay. Tell me

how. And they'd be like, just say, go brush your teeth. I'm like,

that's not enough information. Yeah. That

doesn't work. Yeah. So I just, I do I

do I am pretty, strategy heavy. And I once had a coach

who was like, I'll never give you a script. I'm never gonna tell you how

to say it or how to do it. It has to come from you. And

maybe that's good for other parts of your life, but I was like,

Actually, no. I'm kinda script heavy, and I I found

that moms really like to have the words, and then it becomes your own. You

can not have to follow the script forever. But having

the language to communicate is so helpful. So

it's like yeah. Lots of scripts and 2 step

by steps and all that. Yeah. I agree. You gave me

a script, I suppose, for 1 of my twins, and it was like

that was how I learned. I was like, Oh, that's how I connect

with her because you're like, this is what you could say. I was

like, it just was like It was so heavy. So I think it's

just been working with you a lot of those, like, little

moments where each time it's like I get more clarity. I feel more I don't

know. Control's, like, maybe the wrong word, but I do feel, like, more confident.

Like, empowered. Yeah. Co confident. Mhmm. Empowered. Yeah. Because I recognize

I can't control My kids. You know? Yeah. But,

like, leadership, I think of it sometimes. Like like, who's the leader in

our family? I think a lot of times we feel like, Well, especially with 5

and you, it's like, I think they're in charge. Right? Pretty much.

Yeah. They've been, like, running, like, everything, and we're just, like,

Trying to keep them alive and and sort of Yeah. Yeah.

Like, maybe get some food in their bellies and, yeah, sleep and, like, get some

hugs and yeah. There's a lot. But that is such to disempowered

place to parent from. And so when we have us

tools and a plan, it's so much easier. Yeah.

Exactly. So I really appreciate you and what you're creating in the

world. Well, thank

you so much for being willing to share your story with all the moms on

the podcast. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you

to the mamas who offered to share their stories

and their experiences of taking the emotionally healthy kids class this past

year. And I want to take a second and invite

you to sign up. If you listen to Nicole's story

or Kristen's story and you really felt connected

to them and compelled by some of the things that they were saying,

and and you had those thoughts of like, oh, that's me, or I want that,

or or, wow, I didn't realize it was so easy. Then I invite

you to go to www.callmama

coaching.com to my website, and click on that program's

tab and go right to the emotionally healthy kids

course and sign up. We start on October 12th. So if

you're listening to this right when this episode comes out, we start next

week. On Thursday mornings, we're gonna meet for about an hour Every

Thursday at 9 AM Pacific, and that would be

12 noon EST. And we have we meet for 6 weeks

as a group. We get to know each other. I go through the whole Comama

process. And while you're in that class, you get to check-in

with me using Google Form and ask

questions. And then after the class is over, you were

invited to continue working with me for 6 months in

getting those private 15 minute sessions that Kristen was talking

about, getting getting the online resources, and having

the access to the community and all the other moms and all of that.

So I just love this class. I think it's really a great way

to Get the foundations that you need in order to create

that peaceful home that you deeply desire and to feel calm

and confident in your own parenting, and, you know, you know what

to do, to have a plan, to have a system, to have a parenting program

that you feel really clear about, and that's easy to implement.

You know, my invitation to you is to go to the website, sign up, com

mama coaching.com, And the class is $500,

and that includes the 6 week course as well as the workbook that

Kristen was talking about and the 6 months of

additional support. So it's not just a 6 week class. You really

do get 6 additional months working with me,

privately and in the group and getting all the access to the resources that

you need in order to continue creating that peaceful

home. Highly recommend it. Kristen recommends it. Nicole

recommends it. All the moms who've taken the class, love it. And,

I'm just Yeah. Would love to see you there. So if you love

this podcast and you feel connected to me and you feel connected

to, you know, other moms that are learning from me and you

like all of this, then the next step for you is to take the emotionally

healthy kids class. Alright. I am just wishing

you the best week, and hopefully, I'll see you in the emotionally healthy kids

class