Speaker: 00:00:00

welcome to make more love the show for

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the entrepreneurial man who wants a hot

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and healthy marriage as well as a

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successful business I'm your host Ellen

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Dorian and this is your place for

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straight up judgment free conversations

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about merging the demands of business

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with the needs of a fulfilling

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relationship we're all about supporting

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you to be extraordinary in your personal

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and your professional life living fully

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in every way that counts if you're new

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to the show please don't forget to like

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follow subscribe whatever your favorite

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podcast platform calls it so you don't

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miss anything and it would be great if

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you could share with a friend too before

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we jump in just a reminder that the make

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more love show is for information and

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entertainment purposes only it is not a

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substitute for the guidance of a

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qualified mental health or medical

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professional today I'm really excited

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that we have our first podcast guest the

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whole idea is to have conversations with

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men who run businesses who are in the

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thick of it trying to uh meet the

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demands of being in relationships and

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having a business and I'm very excited

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to have Justin wisman here today and

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Justin I'm gonna start by asking you to

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introduce yourself can you tell us a

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little bit about you and what you do who

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you serve how you help them stuff like

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that thank you beautiful Intro by the

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way I already relate to pretty much

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everything that you just said so my

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name's Justin I'm from Australia so I

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know Alan you're in the states correct

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and me personally so I see myself as a

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business owner a coach a father and a

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lover so that's really what my life

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revolves around the relationship area of

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my life has probably been one of the

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most transformative in the sense of

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where I've got the most of my growth

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from I want to talk with you about both

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business and relationships and I'm sure

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we'll jump back and forth but first can

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I ask you if you're cool with sharing on

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a personal level about your relationship

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wherever the conversation leads today

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I'm happy to go I don't really have any

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intentions here other than to be led by

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you and speak from the heart so I love

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that because I think when you try to do

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these things too formally what you end

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up with isn't as relatable to people as

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when we just jump in and share our

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experiences okay cool my personal story

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is I was pretty much a high performer or

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high achiever when I was younger in the

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area of sports so I loved like

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performing and Athletics and playing

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what we call Australian Rules here in

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Australia as well as tennis I performed

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at a high level in those as a youngster

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and then I ended up with an injury in my

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neck and that sort of transformed my

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whole Direction in life at the time and

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that's when I got really interested in

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girls that was around 1s and got into a

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couple of relationships between 17 and

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21 and it was at the age of 21 that I

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had my first real big breakup cuz I was

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dating someone who had a daughter so I

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had a little family and then that led me

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down the path of I actually ended up

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addicted to methamphetamines for 4 years

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oh wow yeah so there was a bit of a

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journey there in regards to not knowing

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how to process emotions and coming from

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a family where I wouldn't say that Mo

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emotions were devalidate or neglected

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but I would definitely say that it was

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like just harden up and and move on and

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keep doing your thing so I went through

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that for a while and then came out the

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other side of through my own personal

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Journey so I tried working with

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psychologists and different people I

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really found a gap in my experience

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through that so that sort of sent me

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down the journey on Understanding

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Psychology and human behavior I truly

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appreciate you being so open about that

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part of your life and I'm very

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interested to hear how you went from

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those circumstances to getting into

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business I'd always been interested in

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business from a young age like picking

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fruit trees from the neighborhood that I

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lived in Melbourne Australia and then

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going around door too selling them at 8

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years old so business and making money's

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also been an integral part of my life

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and then have gone on from there to

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build businesses since I was around 30

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so now 39 so the last 9 years I've had a

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really big focus on business building

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and coaching and helping business owners

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coaches facilitators to grow their

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businesses but also our own personal

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businesses that we have in the

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hospitality space as well so me and my

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wife and and family run businesses as

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well wow that's fabulous so your

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coaching focuses on Consultants coaches

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and facilitators is that right yeah so I

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have two coaching businesses I have one

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called maximum growth which is with my

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business partner T cross and so that one

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there we focus on coaches and

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facilitators it's all mindset so my

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thing is like mindset and Human

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Performance uh and helping them to work

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through their stuff to grow their

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business and then I do one to one with

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six to seven figure business owners

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helping them with their mental and

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emotional and strategic limitations when

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it comes to themselves their

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relationships and their businesses and

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outside of the coaching space we run a

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business called Devil's donuts and

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that's basically hot Jam Donuts out of

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food Vans oh wow yeah y that's hot over

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here too we've got all these pop up

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donut shops now wow interesting yeah and

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I know coffee is big in Australia I know

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we think of Americans of having a Coffee

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Culture but it's not quite as um intense

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as the Australian Coffee Culture right

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yeah Coffee Culture here in Australia is

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massive like every street that you go

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down there'll be a coffee shop and it's

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super competitive as well in regards to

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if you don't have a quality coffee

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you're out like you're gone you just

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won't make it so there's definitely a

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range from like super specialy down to

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the person who's just going to work just

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wants a coffee and something to eat but

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it's the Coffee Culture is huge here and

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nearly every third coffee shop here ends

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up roasting their own beans so it's

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really big here that sounds like a fun

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business so how long have you been in

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that and how did you get into it so how

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I got into Hospitality I was

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17 and just looking for work outside of

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school so I worked in an old school

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Italian style pizza shop where the

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family had built this business for the

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last 40 plus years and you literally had

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to work your way up through the process

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to be allowed to actually make the

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pizzas or touch the dough or do any of

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that stuff I learned a lot about

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business itself but also how to show up

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in life it was a very pivotal experience

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for me and I learned some really cool

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principles through that and then

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interestingly enough I mentioned earlier

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that that I had my addiction so my first

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step back into work again I ended up

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back there that's when I met my wife

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funnily enough so one week after I

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started she started and I remember being

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at the pizza oven and I looked across

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and there was this new girl standing at

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the coffee machine and at the time

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obviously she was very she still is very

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attractive but the thought in my head

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was like look at that butt basically and

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then from there I chased her for the

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next 8 months and then we started dating

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and so my wife has also been in

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Hospitality for a long time and so we

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ended up with a coffee shop from there

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because we were living in Adela at one

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point we moved from there back to where

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we are now which is in Bendigo Victoria

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and because we've been spoiled for

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coffee we came back here we like there's

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a huge gap in the market yeah so I think

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after six months we ended up opening a

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coffee shop and filled the Gap in the

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market in regards to the quality of the

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coffee and then also the customer

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service side of things compared to what

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we're experiencing in Adela in the field

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and then from there the donut business

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itself we bought that business so we

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didn't start that business that business

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had been around for 55 years so the

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donuts have been in for 2 years wow okay

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yeah and so were you married at the time

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that you started the business or did you

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guys get married along the way we got

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married in 2016 we met in

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2009 the coffee shop we were married

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when we started and Miller our youngest

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daughter would have been like 9 months

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old oh wow so you had a baby you had

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more than one kid yes so I've got three

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she's the youngest I can't even imagine

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how challenging that must have been

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running multiple businesses having a

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toddl running the coffee shop which

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requires you to be you at 5:00 in the

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morning and then my business where I'm

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dealing with clients from maybe 9:00 to

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10:00 on and our other daughter eie had

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just started schools but yes juggling

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fatherhood motherhood a new business and

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then obviously your relationship yeah

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it's definitely challenging so when you

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and Sarah decided to buy the coffee

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business did you do it together from the

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start and you also bought the dut

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business together right but you already

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had the coaching business before correct

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so what was that decision like for you

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what discussions did you have about your

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situation with the kids and already

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having a business what are what were

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some of those conversations like um so

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it's really interesting because the

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primary motivator was more on my wife's

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side she's highly creative and has

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always always had little creative

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businesses even now right beside me

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she's got a whole set up for creating

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earrings and things that she sells

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online and all sort of stuff before we

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had our son xavia in

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2012 she was always quite career-driven

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and once we had Xavier she started a

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little business called little red

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wardrobe making kids clothes primarily

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hats and selling them online and then we

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moved to Bendigo and she'd been tossing

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up the ideas of a few different

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businesses we knew there was a gap in

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the market cuz we'd obviously tried a

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lot of the coffee shops in bigo and

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nothing really hit the spot for us so I

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was having a chat with her and she said

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basically look I want to start a coffee

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shop and she'd been talking about it for

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a while and I just asked her one simple

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question literally what's stopping you

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from starting one and she paused for a

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second and she just said well actually

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nothing and I said okay let's just get

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it done and literally the next day the

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opportunity presented itself wow and so

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how did that go down we were training at

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a gym the next day and the owner was

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speaking to Sarah and he said I want to

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put a coffee shop in the front of the

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gym but I'm not sure I want to run it

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and so the decision was made and the

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location was found and within 2 and a

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half months we had the the coffee shop

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up and running and that's when we

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started to run into some tension and

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contention between US just because it

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was the managing of the family with the

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multiple businesses now silly enough we

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knew there'd be some challenges and

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problems with managing family and we

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started to run into some tension and

285

00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:35,000

stress after the fact so was a little

286

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bit unwise on our part but at the same

287

00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,800

time that was also part of the learning

288

00:10:36,959 --> 00:10:41,279

experience we just got caught up in the

289

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excitement of what this could do for us

290

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and the opportunity for Sarah to express

291

00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:48,560

herself in this way yeah abs and so that

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whose business becomes more important is

293

00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:52,120

it the one that makes the more money is

294

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it the one that has greater fulfillment

295

00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,480

but the reality is it's not even about

296

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either one being more important the

297

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question is how do you actually manage

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that in a way that both people are fied

299

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but also you're able to look after the

300

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family and look after each other's needs

301

00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,839

so what were some of the biggest

302

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conflicts and how did you make the

303

00:11:07,839 --> 00:11:13,120

decision about which business to

304

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prioritize I think our biggest conflict

305

00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:18,760

was how do we manage the kids and how do

306

00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:20,880

we manage the the family and who's going

307

00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:22,279

to be and this is where the the thinking

308

00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:24,399

got caught up who's going to be the

309

00:11:22,279 --> 00:11:26,399

primary carer when the reality is is

310

00:11:24,399 --> 00:11:28,639

that it was neither of us with a primary

311

00:11:26,399 --> 00:11:30,639

it was more about how do we cooperate in

312

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order to be able to run both of our

313

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businesses at the same time I'd like to

314

00:11:33,639 --> 00:11:37,120

hear more of your thoughts about

315

00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:39,519

overcoming stereotypes and the

316

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revelations that came from that but

317

00:11:39,519 --> 00:11:43,680

before we do I'd like to share something

318

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I'm offering for my listeners a lot of

319

00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:46,720

you have been reaching out with

320

00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:49,240

questions about your own relationships

321

00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:52,000

and I want to help so I'm offering my

322

00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:54,040

listeners a free relationship reset call

323

00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:56,440

it's a quick 15 minutes with just you

324

00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:59,279

and me we'll figure out what problem to

325

00:11:56,440 --> 00:12:00,800

tackle first then we'll lay out a plan

326

00:11:59,279 --> 00:12:03,079

with one or two steps to get you moving

327

00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,480

in the right direction and after that if

328

00:12:03,079 --> 00:12:06,760

you'd like more help I'll let you know

329

00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:09,160

how to get it if you let your

330

00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:11,000

relationship go to shite the cost to

331

00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:14,040

your financial social and emotional

332

00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:16,480

well-being is enormous it will truly put

333

00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:19,399

a dent in your armor so let's not let

334

00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:22,639

that happen head over to relationship

335

00:12:19,399 --> 00:12:24,639

reset call.com to grab your spot let's

336

00:12:22,639 --> 00:12:27,399

get you on a trajectory to make more

337

00:12:24,639 --> 00:12:30,639

love in your life and with your

338

00:12:27,399 --> 00:12:32,320

wife and we're back with Justin wisman

339

00:12:30,639 --> 00:12:34,800

the conversation's really been

340

00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:36,880

fascinating so far and next I want to

341

00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,800

dig into the provider myth and the

342

00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:40,800

impact that that had on you and your

343

00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:43,000

relationship while you were running all

344

00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:46,040

these businesses and managing your

345

00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:49,399

family my my last episode was just on

346

00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:51,560

this topic about um these roles of a

347

00:12:49,399 --> 00:12:54,079

protector provider that are just so

348

00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:56,240

ingrained in so many men and it's hard

349

00:12:54,079 --> 00:12:59,600

to overcome that to get to the place

350

00:12:56,240 --> 00:13:00,920

where you can do something new um to be

351

00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,920

really honest you bought up a lot of

352

00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:04,800

stuff about me being the provider me

353

00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:07,519

being the bread winner my business

354

00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:09,399

should be the priority and all that type

355

00:13:07,519 --> 00:13:11,240

of stuff that I had to really face but

356

00:13:09,399 --> 00:13:12,560

then I can see that Sarah also felt

357

00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,760

guilt because her business wasn't

358

00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:16,680

producing as much income even though it

359

00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:18,320

took up a lot of time and she would give

360

00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:21,000

herself up in order for me to be able to

361

00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:24,279

look after my business but then at the

362

00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:25,880

same time I would feel like I had to do

363

00:13:24,279 --> 00:13:28,199

the same for her because she was doing

364

00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,440

that for me but then I'd get frustrated

365

00:13:28,199 --> 00:13:31,680

because I had things to do doing my

366

00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:33,480

business and so that was The Snowball

367

00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:35,440

Effect I kept oscillating between

368

00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:37,880

frustration or resentment around her

369

00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:39,920

prioritizing her business and herself

370

00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:41,480

and then the guilt of when she was

371

00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:44,079

giving up things that she loved in order

372

00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:46,480

for me to look after my

373

00:13:44,079 --> 00:13:48,800

business for me personally it was my own

374

00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:51,000

inner world that was the problem the way

375

00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:53,160

I was perceiving perceiving the mine's

376

00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:56,480

more important than hers and what was

377

00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:59,800

your wife's response to all of this and

378

00:13:56,480 --> 00:14:01,639

did she suffer from a lot of the same

379

00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,800

conditioning let's say that that you did

380

00:14:01,639 --> 00:14:05,720

did she believe that you should on some

381

00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:07,639

level be the provider that you should be

382

00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:09,240

the more your business was more

383

00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:11,759

important or any of those things what

384

00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:12,839

did she have to say about it all no

385

00:14:11,759 --> 00:14:16,000

because

386

00:14:12,839 --> 00:14:18,240

what's so interesting because and I know

387

00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,959

I mentioned before we jumped on how my

388

00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:23,199

relationship has been my greatest

389

00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:27,000

Catalyst for growth she was disproving

390

00:14:23,199 --> 00:14:30,480

every belief or every thought that I had

391

00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:31,720

around me having to be a provider

392

00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,720

we came up with strategies and we

393

00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:35,000

understood Underneath It All that we're

394

00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,800

both putting in effort in our

395

00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:39,480

relationship or with our family we're

396

00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:42,160

both putting in effort in our businesses

397

00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:43,800

and are both important to each of us and

398

00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,800

then there's also Integrity I was able

399

00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:47,279

to share with her where I was at but she

400

00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:48,680

also knew that I would come out on the

401

00:14:47,279 --> 00:14:51,279

other side of that because I'd proven

402

00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:54,360

that time and time again through my

403

00:14:51,279 --> 00:14:57,600

challenges she just needed me to be the

404

00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:59,839

man in the sense of like still holding

405

00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:01,320

my Integrity still holding space for her

406

00:14:59,839 --> 00:15:02,680

when she needed which at that time was

407

00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:04,120

pretty challenging I'll be honest

408

00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,360

because of all this stuff that I was

409

00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,839

going through and I don't want to

410

00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:08,480

pretend I'm perfect cuz I'm not even

411

00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:10,000

close so this is something pretty

412

00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:12,959

vulnerable that I haven't really shared

413

00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,680

but it proves the point that she would

414

00:15:12,959 --> 00:15:17,720

go to the lowest of the low with me and

415

00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:21,040

she did because we ended up homeless in

416

00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:24,560

2022 oh my goodness yeah so we've had

417

00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:27,600

some big ups and downs and she's always

418

00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:29,199

stood by me mhm interestingly enough we

419

00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:31,399

ended up homeless made my first seven

420

00:15:29,199 --> 00:15:35,079

figures in the next 6 months no that's

421

00:15:31,399 --> 00:15:38,120

incorrect did my first six figure weeks

422

00:15:35,079 --> 00:15:39,160

within the next 6 months oh my gosh six

423

00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:43,440

figure

424

00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:45,480

weeks yeah within six months yeah so we

425

00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:47,880

went to seven figures we hit seven

426

00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:50,839

figures in October of that following

427

00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:53,120

year that's an incredible journey so far

428

00:15:50,839 --> 00:15:55,319

Justin and I'm so happy we're going to

429

00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:57,079

continue the conversation in part two of

430

00:15:55,319 --> 00:15:59,319

this interview which is going to be

431

00:15:57,079 --> 00:16:00,959

released in a separate episode that's

432

00:15:59,319 --> 00:16:02,800

when we'll get into more detail about

433

00:16:00,959 --> 00:16:05,000

how you turn your business around in

434

00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:07,160

those six months and we'll get into some

435

00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:09,839

of the broader issues like overcoming

436

00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:11,839

stereotypes societal expectations the

437

00:16:09,839 --> 00:16:14,600

impact of social media and especially

438

00:16:11,839 --> 00:16:16,680

mindset shifts so for the rest of this

439

00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:18,639

episode let's get you to share some of

440

00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:20,800

your best practices for keeping your

441

00:16:18,639 --> 00:16:26,120

relationship hot and healthy so if you

442

00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:28,000

were going to give advice to other men

443

00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:31,000

who are running businesses and who have

444

00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:32,720

a relationship what would you say is the

445

00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:35,759

best piece of advice that you can give

446

00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:38,759

them your top tip

447

00:16:35,759 --> 00:16:41,199

oh that is so hard you don't have to

448

00:16:38,759 --> 00:16:43,040

stop at one you can share a few yeah

449

00:16:41,199 --> 00:16:45,000

okay sure the number one piece of advice

450

00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:46,920

that I would give to

451

00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:49,360

men especially if they're wanting to

452

00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:51,720

grow their relationship but also have a

453

00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:54,639

more fulfilling life it's about your

454

00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:56,880

inner world it's not about necessarily

455

00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:58,160

what they're doing or not doing it's

456

00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,720

about how you're perceiving what's

457

00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:02,880

happening on the side and your own

458

00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:04,360

responses to that my perceptions my

459

00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,480

decisions my actions are the only things

460

00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:08,120

that I actually have control over so if

461

00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:09,640

I'm trying to change my partner and she

462

00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:11,400

doesn't change all I'm doing is building

463

00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:12,559

resentment inside because she's not

464

00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,760

going to change or if she does change

465

00:17:12,559 --> 00:17:16,600

she become a shell of a woman because

466

00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:18,760

she's she isn't getting to be herself

467

00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:20,839

she's going to no longer speak her mind

468

00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,360

she's no longer going to speak her heart

469

00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:24,160

she's going to lose her Vibrance and I

470

00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:25,839

know for a fact as a dude that's the

471

00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,959

thing that Drew you to her you don't

472

00:17:25,839 --> 00:17:29,880

want an empty shell of a partner you

473

00:17:27,959 --> 00:17:33,280

want her to be vibr you want to be drawn

474

00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:34,520

to her she's also your greatest teacher

475

00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:36,520

which we could probably do a whole

476

00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:39,400

podcast on that so I think that's the

477

00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:41,280

number one pace that's such a beautiful

478

00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:44,080

explanation of why you shouldn't try to

479

00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:45,960

change your partner I really love that

480

00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:48,960

what's another best

481

00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:51,200

practice one of the biggest ones that I

482

00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:52,679

haven't really spoken about today is

483

00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,720

that your relationship is separate to

484

00:17:52,679 --> 00:17:56,120

your life and so what does that mean

485

00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,960

that the things that you would do in

486

00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,880

life whether you had a partner or not

487

00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,840

and not a contribution to your intimate

488

00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:04,400

relationship so just because you make

489

00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:05,840

money that's a contribution to your life

490

00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:08,280

together but it's not a contribution to

491

00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:10,360

your intimate relationship just because

492

00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:12,120

you go and make all this money doesn't

493

00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:13,360

mean that she feels connected to you

494

00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:15,760

because you would go and make money

495

00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:17,400

whether you're with her or not washing

496

00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,880

the clothes and doing the dishes and

497

00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,679

doing the [ __ ] around the house that

498

00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,320

maybe you don't want to do that is a

499

00:18:20,679 --> 00:18:23,679

contribution to your life together not

500

00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,760

necessarily a contribution to your

501

00:18:23,679 --> 00:18:28,039

relationship together you have to

502

00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:30,559

nurture the intimate relationship

503

00:18:28,039 --> 00:18:33,880

element of your life it is

504

00:18:30,559 --> 00:18:36,120

separate so that realization there was a

505

00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:38,440

huge game changer for me I'd mistaken

506

00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:40,320

the two and I think a lot of us do that

507

00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:41,600

as when we first meet we're infatuated

508

00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,600

we see all the good parts of them and

509

00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:45,440

then we start to run into some of their

510

00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:47,360

downsides but I think that's where love

511

00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:49,080

is it's like loving the parts of them

512

00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,440

that might piss you off you still love

513

00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,480

them though it's like you love those

514

00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:54,320

parts yes and if you binded this idea

515

00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,640

that you should always be close then

516

00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,679

every time you're not close you'll have

517

00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:59,080

resentment but then that's also the time

518

00:18:57,679 --> 00:19:01,080

when you won't do the things that help

519

00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:03,480

you to become close that's another

520

00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:06,200

profound share I love the way you

521

00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:09,120

articulate these ideas do you have one

522

00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:13,480

more best practice you can share okay

523

00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:16,559

sure go and have fun fun people fun go

524

00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:18,159

and do fun [ __ ] laugh together you need

525

00:19:16,559 --> 00:19:20,360

to laugh together if you don't laugh

526

00:19:18,159 --> 00:19:21,880

together life gets way too serious then

527

00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:23,919

your relationship becomes way too

528

00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:25,640

serious and then a lot of the juice and

529

00:19:23,919 --> 00:19:27,440

the squeezing life and and your

530

00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:30,400

experience is gone so what kind of

531

00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:33,880

things do you do going like specifically

532

00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:35,880

arranging dates for her and I so taking

533

00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,400

the lead there getting the kids managed

534

00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:39,799

she doesn't have to stress I just say

535

00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:41,159

hey we're going out at this time

536

00:19:39,799 --> 00:19:42,880

everything's ordered you just get

537

00:19:41,159 --> 00:19:45,280

yourself ready and then take her on a

538

00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:47,240

date like I did when we first met what

539

00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:49,320

have you done that's been the most fun

540

00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:52,320

recently so we went and did did an

541

00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:55,360

escape room recently that was pretty fun

542

00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:57,120

my wife also loves piano she plays piano

543

00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:59,679

I booked a room in Melbourne we went to

544

00:19:57,120 --> 00:20:01,400

a candle light concerts mhm so took her

545

00:19:59,679 --> 00:20:03,400

to one of them so it's also looking at

546

00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:06,280

the things that she loves and

547

00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:09,000

appreciating her for who she is but also

548

00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:11,559

having fun in that we had a weekend away

549

00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:14,240

and I don't think time's an excuse so

550

00:20:11,559 --> 00:20:16,320

the concert was 7:00 we went out for

551

00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:18,000

dinner in Melbourne so 2hour drive from

552

00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:19,039

here we had to leave at 4:00 in the

553

00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,240

morning to come back and run the

554

00:20:19,039 --> 00:20:23,280

business but it's most people won't do

555

00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:25,039

that but that's half the fun three quars

556

00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:27,280

of the fun was the conversation that we

557

00:20:25,039 --> 00:20:28,799

had in the car on the way down there and

558

00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:31,120

then getting there seeing the concert

559

00:20:28,799 --> 00:20:33,320

having dinner getting to bed knowing we

560

00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:35,159

had to get up at 4:00 getting in the car

561

00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:37,799

coming back on the road trip just to two

562

00:20:35,159 --> 00:20:40,600

of you having fun listening to music

563

00:20:37,799 --> 00:20:42,480

winding down reconnecting doing the

564

00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,640

things that brings spark to both of you

565

00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:46,480

this is very true so I don't want to

566

00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:49,080

minimize what you did but I think this

567

00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:51,480

is an important thing to say you didn't

568

00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:53,799

rent a super yacht you didn't buy her

569

00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:55,400

diamond pendant you didn't have the the

570

00:20:53,799 --> 00:20:57,640

world's greatest Chef come make you a

571

00:20:55,400 --> 00:21:01,080

private meal you planned something that

572

00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:04,400

was well within your capability to

573

00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:06,320

provide as a a normal human being right

574

00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:08,440

it doesn't have to be one of these super

575

00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:11,320

grand gestures all the time just has to

576

00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:14,240

be a well thought out planned date where

577

00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:17,279

the basics get covered right and so that

578

00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:19,640

you can go and have a good time you're

579

00:21:17,279 --> 00:21:21,960

100% on the money because like you think

580

00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:24,960

about when you first meet someone and

581

00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:27,240

you go on a date and you have fun you

582

00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:29,840

get to know each other and you reconnect

583

00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:32,919

the truth is that you probably changed

584

00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:35,960

100 times 1,000 times since you first

585

00:21:32,919 --> 00:21:37,919

started dating and how often do you date

586

00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:40,039

in order to get to know each other again

587

00:21:37,919 --> 00:21:42,480

and to reconnect with each other again

588

00:21:40,039 --> 00:21:43,840

and to have fun with each other again

589

00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,880

and so you never really just marry the

590

00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:47,400

one person or date the one person you

591

00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:49,760

would know this is true Alan have a

592

00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:52,559

think about when you first met your

593

00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:54,720

partner and now who you are today and

594

00:21:52,559 --> 00:21:57,320

who they are today versus who they were

595

00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:59,360

and so like you need these things also

596

00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:00,760

to reconnect and get to know other like

597

00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,120

you said it's not about hiring a super

598

00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:04,520

yacht if you're going to hire a super

599

00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:06,640

yacht that's more about you to be honest

600

00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:08,000

it could be be yeah it's like I want to

601

00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:10,600

hire a super yacht because I think it's

602

00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:12,720

cool know but does my wife care that

603

00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:14,919

we're on a super yacht maybe your wife

604

00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:16,120

does I don't know she might think it's a

605

00:22:14,919 --> 00:22:18,840

cool experience but could you have more

606

00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:21,360

fun somewhere else maybe I love the idea

607

00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:23,279

that it doesn't have to be grand this is

608

00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:25,360

very true I'd like to wrap up our

609

00:22:23,279 --> 00:22:27,880

episodes with three key points you can

610

00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:29,919

take away from the discussion for this

611

00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:32,200

one I'm just going to repeat the three

612

00:22:29,919 --> 00:22:34,919

gold bars of advice that Justin just

613

00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:36,799

shared number one was focus on your

614

00:22:34,919 --> 00:22:39,600

inner World your thoughts your

615

00:22:36,799 --> 00:22:41,520

perceptions your behaviors and don't try

616

00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:44,159

to change your partner or make them feel

617

00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:47,880

like they have to hold back who they

618

00:22:44,159 --> 00:22:50,279

are the second one is recognizing that

619

00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:53,039

nurturing your intimate relationship is

620

00:22:50,279 --> 00:22:54,919

separate from life's Logistics the

621

00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:56,760

things you do to maintain your life

622

00:22:54,919 --> 00:22:59,120

together are different from the things

623

00:22:56,760 --> 00:23:01,559

that build intimacy

624

00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:04,159

and number three was make time for fun

625

00:23:01,559 --> 00:23:06,159

and laughter together enjoy each other

626

00:23:04,159 --> 00:23:08,799

and take time to recreate your early

627

00:23:06,159 --> 00:23:11,720

dating life that's the way to build more

628

00:23:08,799 --> 00:23:13,919

fulfillment and intimacy so if you've

629

00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:15,600

loved this conversation with Justin you

630

00:23:13,919 --> 00:23:17,520

won't want to miss part two of the

631

00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:20,000

interview that's going to be in an

632

00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:22,159

upcoming episode we'll dig deeper into

633

00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:24,200

the business side of Justin's life and

634

00:23:22,159 --> 00:23:26,120

we'll talk about big picture issues that

635

00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:28,640

get in the way of men living their best

636

00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:31,120

life we'll tackle some of those hot

637

00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:34,120

topics including overcoming stereotypes

638

00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:36,679

and societal expectations the impact of

639

00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:39,919

social media and especially mindset

640

00:23:36,679 --> 00:23:42,240

shifts which is Justin's expertise so

641

00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:44,120

make sure to tune in for an inspiring

642

00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:46,200

and insightful continuation of this

643

00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:48,640

conversation with Justin wisman I want

644

00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:50,440

to ask you if people have been listening

645

00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:52,960

and they've just resonated with you and

646

00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:54,960

they want to work with you tell me what

647

00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,440

do you offer and how can they reach you

648

00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,840

and we'll also make sure that everything

649

00:23:56,440 --> 00:24:00,039

gets put in the show notes yeah sure so

650

00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:02,120

we've got maximum growth that's our

651

00:24:00,039 --> 00:24:05,320

group program but that's more tailored

652

00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:07,279

to for more coaches and facilitators and

653

00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:09,799

our core principle is building a

654

00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:11,480

business or what we call ident identity

655

00:24:09,799 --> 00:24:13,320

based business which is based around who

656

00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:15,240

you are as an individual and then being

657

00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:17,159

the center point of how your business

658

00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:19,320

grows but there's a that's all about

659

00:24:17,159 --> 00:24:22,080

mindset and Leadership then with my

660

00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:23,120

one:1 it's more tailored coaching so we

661

00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,760

like figure out where you're at and

662

00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:26,880

where you want to go and then we work

663

00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:28,520

our way through that if you want to find

664

00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,960

me the place that I am most is on

665

00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:32,919

Facebook so Justin William wisman on

666

00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:34,720

Facebook and like I said we'll have a

667

00:24:32,919 --> 00:24:37,080

link to it in the show notes so people

668

00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:39,840

will be able to find you easily Justin

669

00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:43,080

thank you so much for spending this time

670

00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:44,720

with us and I'm really excited about

671

00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:47,520

everything we've talked about it was

672

00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:49,679

great to have that perspective and all

673

00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:51,840

of your unique experience come to the

674

00:24:49,679 --> 00:24:52,919

for like that I was just happy to come

675

00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:55,760

on to have a

676

00:24:52,919 --> 00:24:58,600

conversation um no this was fun like I

677

00:24:55,760 --> 00:25:00,520

could talk so much about relationship

678

00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:02,320

and growth um which is something that I

679

00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,799

don't often get to share I think the

680

00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:05,799

work that you're doing and helping

681

00:25:03,799 --> 00:25:07,600

business owners with their relationships

682

00:25:05,799 --> 00:25:09,960

I think that's important so yeah I'd

683

00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:12,880

love to help in this space thank you so

684

00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:15,159

much for that and that is what we do

685

00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:17,520

here we try to help men have the best

686

00:25:15,159 --> 00:25:20,799

relationships they can thank you for

687

00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:23,320

having me on um it was a great interview

688

00:25:20,799 --> 00:25:25,640

all right I hope today's episode added

689

00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:27,919

value to your life if you'd like more

690

00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:30,480

support brainstorming or ideas here's

691

00:25:27,919 --> 00:25:33,000

three way ways to get that you can join

692

00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:35,320

our private and free passionate Partners

693

00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:38,440

inside our community on Facebook for

694

00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:40,200

exclusive content and resources or you

695

00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:42,240

can check out our website and social

696

00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:44,960

channels to get the scoop on all of our

697

00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:47,080

programs workshops and coaching and

698

00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:49,520

three if you'd like to explore your

699

00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:51,919

specific situation book a free

700

00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:54,440

relationship reset call with me whether

701

00:25:51,919 --> 00:25:56,720

it's a minor tuneup or a major overhaul

702

00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:59,039

we'll make a plan to get you back on

703

00:25:56,720 --> 00:26:02,200

track you can have head over to

704

00:25:59,039 --> 00:26:05,360

relationship reset call.com to set that

705

00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:07,240

up the show notes lists out everything

706

00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:09,120

you need to find me including all the

707

00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:11,559

links to everything I've mentioned and

708

00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:13,559

my personal email I'll be here whenever

709

00:26:11,559 --> 00:26:16,240

you're ready and here are a few things

710

00:26:13,559 --> 00:26:17,919

you can do to support the show if you

711

00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:21,120

haven't already please follow And

712

00:26:17,919 --> 00:26:22,760

subscribe that is a win for both of us

713

00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:26,120

then if you could leave a review that

714

00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:28,000

will help our community grow and if you

715

00:26:26,120 --> 00:26:30,240

know someone who is struggling in their

716

00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:32,320

own relationship please share the show

717

00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:34,840

with them it could be life-changing for

718

00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:36,760

them thanks for spreading the word this

719

00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:40,120

is Ellen and that's what I've got for

720

00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:42,520

you today until next time remember what

721

00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:45,159

I want most in the world is for you to

722

00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:47,760

make more love in your life and with

723

00:26:45,159 --> 00:26:47,760

your wife