Pinky: I really was absolutely distraught, because I thought if I keep losing it and there's no hearing left, how will I spend the rest of my life in a silent world?

Alex: Today, we meet Pinky Lalani.

Pinky: I’m Pinky Lalani. I am 67 years old.

Alex: Food guru… author… motivational speaker… grandma….

Pinky: I have two sons, and the pride of my life, my two little granddaughters.

Alex: ……….And global champion for women across the world.

My work involves really the empowerment of women and food, and how do you bring the two together, same time making a difference to the world in which we live.

Alex: Pinky was born in Kolkata in the mid-1950s.

Pinky: I think growing up as a woman in India in the 60s was very interesting because I came from a privileged background. I went to an Irish Catholic convent in Calcutta. It was a very diverse group of people, mainly Hindus who were there, they were few Muslims and Christians and Jews. We were very lucky because that was a time when, you know, everything was flowing. We went to the club, we had a great life, lot of socialising as they do in those countries.

Alex: That meant lots of parties, meeting up with friends, going swimming….

Pinky: We read a lot. We played games. So it was a very idyllic childhood in many ways.

Alex: In a sense, Pinky was insulated from the world – all her classmates came from a similar background, their parents all knew each other. But – she was also really interested in what was happening outside her bubble.

Pinky: I think I was unknowingly quite feminist. I used to love going to political rallies, going to hear the Indian prime minister in the late 60s was Indira Gandhi. And I remember going to a political rally at the Victoria Memorial where there were 1000s and 1000s of people and I was unafraid to go there.

Alex: As a young woman, Pinky wasn’t consciously thinking about terms like gender inequality. It was just accepted that men were the breadwinners.

Pinky: That’s the way we saw everyone because that was what was happening. No one (except for an aunt of mine who’d become a widow and who worked) none of the other women actually worked outside the house. In India, in [the] mainstream, women really stayed at home, the men called the shots.

Alex: But it was also clear to Pinky that money isn’t the only form of power.

Pinky: It was very much male dominated, but was matriarchal in a sense. The women had a lot of power, so most men really respected and listened to their mothers. So it's very interesting in that way, because the mother told them to do something, a son would never say, no, yet it was the son who ran the business and was the money earner. But I remember in our family, also my grandmother, my great grandmother, they were the ones that everybody listened to.

Alex: The expectation from Pinky’s family is that she would take her studies seriously.

Pinky: So I went to university without even batting an eyelid because everyone I knew was going to university. And then after that I went on to do my postgraduate but what was expected of me in some ways was that I would get married quite early. And that, you know, they weren't any encouragement or aspiration to really have a career.

Alex: Pinky got her post graduate diploma in social communication media from the University of Mumbai. And it was in Mumbai, when she was 23, that Pinky met her future husband.

Pinky: And it was a semi-arranged marriage. So I married him in three weeks after meeting him not knowing much about what life would be like.

Alex: The couple relocated to the UK in 1978. Pinky was thrilled about her new home.

Pinky: My children cringe when I say this, but I was looking forward to having McDonald's and things like that, because we didn't have McDonald's and fast food in that way in India. And I was really excited about coming to, you know, see snow in a cold country, [which is so] far from where I am now. I absolutely hate snow. And I don't like the cold. So I think all the things that I had never, ever experienced, were going to be things that I really look forward to here.

Alex: Pinky continued studying after she moved to the UK. She also taught herself how to cook – and food became a really important part of her life.

Pinky: I used to entertain a lot, I loved having people over and I started putting together recipes and telling people how to make a good pilau rice and chicken tikka.

Alex: That led Pinky to one of her first jobs: teaching Indian cookery classes.

Pinky: And I remember them telling me they pay me 11 pounds an hour, which I was very excited about because nobody ever paid me for anything. So I used to go along with my spice box. Every home has this; it’s called a masala dabba which means a spice box and it has the main spices: usually chilli, coriander, cumin, turmeric.

Alex: So for two hours every Monday evening, amateur home-cooks would learn how to make fragrant curries and rich dahls. The classes were also a chance to meet people.

Pinky: I’m [a] very social person. I love talking. I love hearing stories. I'm always curious about people's lives.

Alex: But when Pinky was in her early 40s, something happened that made conversations so much harder.

Pinky was in a meeting when she first noticed it.

Pinky: Everything sounded like… pretty… all going into one and…… I'd hear a couple of words. But it wasn’t enough for me to put together the whole sentence. I had to do a lot of lip reading.

Alex: Pinky asked questions – only to be told, someone had already asked the same thing.

Pinky: I kind of – I remember my hearing being terrible, and I was really upset, I was crying because I said I can’t hear, I can’t hear. And it became worse and worse. And the doctor said, Well, it's never going to come back.

I kept thinking it'll come back. But it didn't.

Alex: It turned out that Pinky had a serious hearing problem caused by nerve damage. She needed to use a hearing aid.

Pinky: I really was absolutely distraught, because I thought if I keep losing it and there's no hearing left, how will I spend the rest of my life in a silent world? It was absolutely frightening. It was … worse than frightening.

Alex: For a while, Pinky was utterly despondent. She struggled to see how she’d continue to teach and keep up her duties on the boards and committees she was a part of.

Pinky: How can you teach when you can’t absolutely have your hearing? So it was very demoralising. I remember telling someone you know, I just don't feel I can carry on doing the things that I'm doing. And she actually I remember her telling me that, you know, you won't be letting yourself down. But you will be letting all of us down because we really liked the way you teach.

Alex: This small act of encouragement from someone Pinky barely knew – – another teacher at the school - - it was pivotal.

Pinky: When I look back, I see how I am where I am because of the kindness of so many. I can think of so many people along the way, who've been so kind in helping me in my journey. And and really, I know everyone says this, but we all stand on the shoulders of giants. And she’s one of those giants that I guess I stand on her shoulder.

Alex: With the support of her colleague, Pinky’s perspective began to shift. She chose smaller board meetings where it was easier to make out what people were saying. And speaking to students one-on-one at their cooking stations was manageable.

Pinky: There's so many things I can feel sorry for myself about. I mean, all of us can, but I refuse to let them. And I don't want to give up. I always think if something doesn't work, you have to be creative. There must be another way of doing it. And I think you can use everything to a positive advantage; it’s the way you're actually going to look at it that's important.

Alex: And ironically, Pinky’s hearing loss actually allowed her to connect with people.

Pinky: People want you to be part of their narrative and if you tell them about your vulnerabilities, you actually take them with you. So instead of people thinking, oh my god, and laughing at something I’d said, they actually became much more compassionate.

Alex: Pinky’s positive outlook was certainly clear to her students. They would come to her classes as much for her stories, as for her skills in the kitchen.

Pinky: Everyone said Oh, you must write a book. And so then I said that sounds lovely

Alex: Pinky took their advice – and wrote a cookbook packed full of recipes and tips. It’s called Spice Magic: An Indian Culinary Adventure.

At first, the book didn’t really sell. Pinky would call up booksellers and ask them to stock the book.

Pinky: And they'd ask me, Are you a celebrity? Have you been on television? Are you, you know…. why should we kind of buy your book?

Alex: If only they’d known then that Pinky would eventually go on BBC radio, be featured in GQ and The Times, give TED talks. But this was in the early 2000s, well before all that.

So without the fame, Pinky had to think outside the box.

Pinky: So I rang up a shop and said, If I bring my electric wok and make spicy Bombay potatoes in five minutes in the shop, would you let me sell my book? And I think he saw the desperation in my voice and he kind of said, yes, okay, we'll do that, I’ll serve some wine too. And I remember going to Tottenham Court Road with my wok and plugging it on and making the potatoes and - everybody - the smell of garlic and coriander got everyone to come… they saw it was easy. They bought the book and I thought, this is absolutely epic.

Alex: It was a hit. Pinky took off around the country in her little car with her box of Indian spices and her books. She even began selling spice boxes along with the cookbook – a package deal.

Pinky: I remember going to Asda one day to speak about leadership

Alex: During this talk for staff at Asda, Pinky casually mentioned she’d love to sell her cookbook and spice box packages at a big supermarket.

Pinky: And you know they say if you commit yourself, then providence moves too. So I’d put the idea out there. And a week later, the buyer from Asda rang up and said we'd love to talk about buying your cookery book and box and so they actually ordered 6000 of them.

But I have to admit I had no strategy. I'm just very much like, you know, I get an idea and I'm impatient to implement it like yesterday. Whereas when people tell me what your business plan, what’s your vision? Zero.

Alex: Pinky is being characteristically humble when she says that.

The list of her achievements – and the way she has impacted women’s lives – is almost too long to cover in a podcast episode. So I’ll give you some of the highlights.

Pinky created the Women of the Future Programme, a far-reaching initiative that champions women in leadership. She’s a trustee and ambassador of plenty of charities, including the Westminster Society, Frank Water and the Royal Commonwealth Society and the Tiffany Circle of the Red Cross. She’s also a deputy lieutenant of Greater London.

Pinky: And I feel very blessed that you know I've been able to do all the many things and met so many interesting people and been part of the narrative for so many people's lives.

Alex: Pinky received an OBE for her services to charity, and a CBE for her support of women in business.

Pinky: And you know, what really it is… it’s about building communities. And I think that's what Women of the Future does well; we bring people together and we let their energy then take everyone to another level. And what we're doing is making them believe that… I want women to be the best version of themselves. And I'm not saying that they're successful if they are CEO of a company. I think women are successful or anybody successful, if they do what they really love, they do it with passion. They have the ability to be creative, to really spread the boundaries of what they're doing. For me, I've always followed my heart.

Alex: Without a doubt, Pinky is a tenacious, resourceful, and creative businesswoman. But the way she sees it, there’s another secret ingredient in her life and career.

Pinky: Kindness is the biggest gift one can have and one can give. I think it’s the gift that keeps giving. So the minute you start being kind everything else in your life goes to another level. Everyone wants to give back. Nobody, I find, just wants to take. So you know, in all the things I've done, it's been really multiplied 100 fold because so many people have believed in what I've done.

Alex: And despite the lofty heights Pinky has reached in her life, if you were to bump into her on a train or at the shops …. she’d have one thing to say to you:

Pinky: Well come over and have some coffee and, and spicy Bombay potatoes.

Alex: Pinky’s experiences teach us the value of following your instincts despite how challenging life may become. She has embraced the changes in her life with serene enthusiasm. Her journey from receiving her first ever payment in the UK to being awarded a CBE for her support for women in business is simply extraordinary to reflect on. But her success was threatened almost before it began when she experienced difficulties with her hearing. It was the support and kindness she received from a colleague during this time that encouraged her to keep going. That kindness has led to a ripple effect eventually touching the thousands and thousands of women Pinky has uplifted over the years. Pinky claims not to have any strategy for business but her natural resourcefulness and the kindness she effortlessly spreads has provided a solid foundation for her success.