Welcome to Unfolding season two. I wanna start this season with something tender... and a little spicy! Calendars. And I know you're thinking how can calendars be spicy? So hear me out. It is that time of year again. School planners. Sports schedules. Group texts. Your calendar is filling out fast, and if we're honest, part of you might want to run the other way. Have you ever looked at your calendar and felt this pit in your stomach? Not 'cause you're overbooked, but because you've said yes to things that you actually don't want to do? I have totally been there and I used to say yes and then spend days trying to figure out how to get out of it. Sadly, praying for a rainy day or a snow day or some other reason I couldn't be there. I didn't wanna be sick, but honestly. I did end up sick often. So let's talk about how powerful it can feel to say no before your body has to scream it to you. Hi, I'm Erica. I am a Decision Mentor and Inner Trust Guide, and I work with women in midlife to trust their gut, understand their unique strengths, and stop saying yes to what drains them. I use human design coaching and reiki and we clear the noise so that their no feels powerful and their yes feels true. So I'm back from a summer break. It was a crazy summer. I was learning how to be a full-time coach while also having my 11-year-old home from March of the much of the time. And it was, it was interesting, we'll just put it that way. But balancing this new thing with all the things that I wanted to do, like going to the pool multiple times a week. Did they meet my expectations? Did I meet the expectations I met for myself? No, but that's another story for another episode. And now we're back in school and between softball, girl scouts and school events, there are a lot of dates filling our calendar. And you don't have to be a parent to feel this though. Like people are coming back, they're settling into their routines, they're coming back from summer travel, and your calendar's probably filling up too, and your nervous system might be tightening. Just looking at it. So let's talk about what it really means to say no and how your body might be already doing it for you before your mind is even involved. Saying yes, when you mean no is not kindness. It's really nervous system sabotage and self abandonment does not make you generous. It really builds resentment. Confidence isn't about doing more, it's about doing what's actually right for you and the most powerful move you can make this fall. The strong clean, this guilt-free. "No." Kids are heading back to school this time of year. The emails are flying, the invites are rolling in, and the group texts are exploding. There's this collective pressure to get organized, to be productive, to get your calendar locked in. And I get it. I love a good plan, but honestly, it's really, really exhausting. And if you're like many women I work with, this time of year does not feel fresh. It doesn't feel good. It feels heavy. It feels like too much, and not because you're lazy and not because you're disorganized, though sometimes it may feel that way. And think about it. When someone asks you to commit to something, to join a group, to volunteer for a thing and to come to an event, and your first thought is probably not, "how do I make it work?" Instead, it's "how do I get outta this?" Because your body is whispering "please don't do this again." And let's be honest, how many times have you secretly celebrated getting sick? Because it meant that you could cancel those plans that you did not want to do. It felt like this divine out, and maybe it was just your energy waving this white flag. That that wasn't fate. That was your body saying what your mouth would not what your mind would, not what your mind was trying to talk you into. That yes was never really true and we don't talk about this mental spiral that we tend to get into. We tend to think, what excuse can I use? How can I cancel without seeming flaky? Will they be mad? Will they be disappointed? Will I regret going? I know you've been in that spiral. We don't talk about it enough about that quiet dread that follows that false Yes. That, yes, that comes out of pressure. That yes, that comes out of obligation because it's what you think you should do. And resentment, layered with guilt. It's really exhausting, and I'm here to tell you. By thinking this and by getting into this spiral, you're not flaky and you're not being dramatic. You're just really ready to stop abandoning yourself and to stop that spiral. And we, when we look at this from a human design perspective, a couple of things come up. If you have an emotional authority, that means you need to sleep on your decisions. You're not meant for that instant yes. "Let me get back to you" is not rude. It's actually incredibly respectful for your nervous system and honestly, it's respectful to the person who's asking for your time too. You might feel this like slow building wave, this starting of discomfort and this crashing into resentment because maybe you said yes to as a school fundraiser and your chest immediately tightened and you thought, oh, I don't wanna do this. That was your wave saying we are not a yes this time. If you have this sacral authority or what I call trust your gut, this means you're either a manifesting generator or a generator. You probably have felt that pit in your stomach when you say yes, but really you meant no. Your body is giving you that answer. That's wisdom. And now the work is to really learn to trust it. And if you have an undefined ego center. That's the little off kilter triangle in the middle of your chart, and that shows up white. You might say yes from a need to prove and that proving that you feel like you're reliable, you're proving that you're valuable, you're proving that you're liked. But what I want you to ask yourself is, what if I didn't have to prove anything to belong? And also, if you have a splenic authority. It's usually this flicker, this like hint that this isn't for me. And then your mind gets involved and it jumps in and it tries to override it and it tries to give you a reason and tell you all these things why you're wrong, when really your body is telling you everything you need to know 'cause you really want to cancel, but you needed a reason. And because your body is giving you that sensation, you're not trusting it. And no matter what your design is, your authority is speaking. The work is you learning how to hear it and to trust your body, and because your body will get really, really loud, it will make you sick, it will take you down, and if you trust it before your body has to get involved, then you've calmed that nervous system. And for so long I equated this. Yes, with kindness and reliability and a no, with like being selfish and being difficult. There was a time in my life when I'd always say yes almost automatically without even thinking it through. I thought. Well, that's what I should do. I should be the good mom. I should be the good partner, the good friend, the good coworker. That's what they do. That's what makes people like you. And then I would find myself resentful of the meeting that I had agreed to attend or the thing that I had committed to. And over time, I started to notice a pattern that the yeses didn't always feel right. And they ended up costing me. They can cost me my energy. They cost me my time, and they cost me my peace. Almost instantly after I hung up or hit send, I would feel it. I'm a generator with an emotional authority, so I get this instant hit and I need to sleep on my big decisions, but I would feel this dread in my chest that instant regret that like, oh crap, can I get out of this? Why did I say yes? And then I would immediately go into this strategizing like, how can I cancel? How can I not sound flaky? Or indecisive? Maybe I can tell them I forgot, or maybe I'll be sick. Or maybe it'll rain that day and we won't have to be outside. And when I got sick, honestly, there was this sense of relief. And I would think like maybe I wasn't supposed to go anyway, and this was the universe's way of telling me that I wasn't supposed to go, I got sick. When really, if I had said no in the first place, I wouldn't have to worry about it. I wasn't this yes girl all the time. Those times that I did say no. I felt so strong. Like I had bent steel with my bare hands. I was a no. But they would also be that part of me that was like, but what if they don't like me? What if they don't ask me next time? Because I said No. What if I missed out on something? But here's what I have learned. I didn't need to get sick to listen to myself. I didn't need a stomach bug or a sore throat to say no. When I started to trust those signals in my body, that made such a difference. And I did get invited to things. I did get asked for things. That no one time was not a big deal. And now if I feel that sense of dread or that sick feeling instantly, I know it's a no. 'cause the more I've leaned into noticing it, the more clearly and the more quickly it actually speaks. It's made me realize when I wait until I'm sick or overwhelmed to say no, then I've really ignored myself. I've ignored my body for too long, and I think about all the times I could have saved myself so much stress by actually saying, simply, "can I get back to you?" Before I even committed? Or being by being strong in the first place and listening to what my body was already telling me. Like my mind was always like, you should say yes. My body was like, no, I don't wanna do this. Why are we saying yes? I love the fact that now I don't have an inner conflict happening. And for you this fall, I want your calendar to reflect you. I want a calendar that like actually lights you up when you look at it and you have these. Yes, I really wanna do that. I'm really excited about it. So then you have fewer heavy, yeah, I'll do it. And I want you to say, let me check our calendar and get back to you, because then that gives you the space to feel into your body and what's really, really right for you. And you know, you might say no to things that it'll come up and you'll be like, oh, I wish I'd gone, but two weeks later, do you really care? Because the more nos that feel like self-respect and not rebellion, because they will feel so good, not because you're getting "good at making boundaries," but because you're finally listening to your body because you're finally living in alignment with your energy. So I invite you to try this. The next time you get a request or an invite, I want you to ask yourself, "would I get relieved if this got canceled?" If the answer is yes, that's your answer. Your answer is no, that you don't want to do this. Like if you would be so relieved and feel so good that the event got canceled, then you need to say no in the first place instead of saying yes because you feel obligated. So I want you to reflect where are you still saying yes, when you really mean no? And what are you afraid of will happen if you actually say no clearly and kindly if this hits home? I'm so glad. That means you are ready. You're ready to stop performing. You're ready to start trusting those nos. And if you wanna practice this kind of trust with real support, I want to invite you into a free coaching call with me. To learn how to say these nos really confidently and really like, oh yes, I said no. Or even I said no. Because that's what feels right for you and that's really nervous system repair. And it's not through breath work though. I love that too. This is like honoring your decision- making process that honors your design because your trust isn't something you can force. It's something that you have to practice over and over. And it really starts with that first. No. So let's start there. Like start with this strong no, the kind that like. Makes room for so many more yeses. I was talking to a client today and I was like, when you clean out your closet, think about how much space you have. And that space allows more things and more opportunities to come in. So we want to learn how to create that space by saying a strong no. A confident, no a no. That feels so right for us. Thank you for joining me. I'll see you next time. Have a good one.