[00:00:00] Hi, and welcome back to Awfully Quiet. This is one of the inaugural episodes of this podcast. And let me tell you, it's a juicy one. I am not one to get personal right away. Anyone who has ever gotten close to me in my personal life will know it takes a while for me to open up. So, I don't really know what it is about this community and podcast endeavor that makes me want to jump in at the deep end and make the very first story I share with you about myself also the one that is the most mortifying.

[00:00:33] It's a story about confidence. About showing up strong and bold. Or at least the intent to do so. Why am I going there? Why is this story one that you need to hear? Because you might go into career situations with a very similar expectation on yourself than I once did. You want to be confident, feel confident, know exactly what to say, use the right words, articulate yourself in a way that lands, is understood, and remembered.

[00:01:06] I'm not talking about giving big speeches or presentations, I'm talking about Simple, everyday career situations like meetings, career conversations, job interviews. Chances are, these sorts of things are never too comfortable for you. They aren't for me either. Wanna know what's the worst advice anyone could give you in that regard?

[00:01:31] Just be yourself. I'm sure you've heard that. Just be yourself. Bring your personality. Well, if I were to bring my personality, I wouldn't go in the first place, right? Just be yourself does only really work as advice if you are someone who is generally comfortable in social settings. Someone who doesn't need to put much effort into being in a room with strangers or people they just don't know too well.

[00:01:59] Someone who is grounded in themselves. And not all too easily shaken by their environment. You're guessing it. I'm not talking about introverts. If you're anything like me in these situations, your entire being is working overtime just being in the room. Second guessing what they might think of you. How do I come across?

[00:02:24] What does this outfit say about me? What do they want to hear from me? And if I'm brutally honest, what do I need to do for them to like me? In this episode, I want to unpack how we can possibly show up bold and with confidence and be true to who we are. So I'm going to bring you in on a moment in my career that was a true turning point in that regard.

[00:02:51] Plus, I'm going to share with you three valuable lessons about what it truly means to show up with confidence and how you can achieve it. Let's dive in.

[00:03:55] All right. I'm taking you back four years to the early fall of 2019. I was about a year into a career move I had made to pivot from HR into the demand side of the organization. I never actually wanted to work in HR, but I'm not mad at the experience, quite the opposite. Maybe a story for another time.

[00:04:16] What I'm trying to say is the dream was and is to do marketing, specifically brand marketing. At the time, I was extremely glad to have landed a position that would eventually bring me closer to my dream of working in brand management. For some of those big global brands, you will know all too well, but this pivot didn't come without compromise.

[00:04:41] Compromise number one was I had to move cross country to be in the office every single day. I know. So 2019, compromise number two, I had to accept the step down in top level, which did not mean a salary cut, but did come with a bit of an ego bump if I'm being honest. But I wasn't going to let that hold me back from going after my career dreams.

[00:05:04] I was extremely dedicated. Willing to go all the extra miles, whatever it takes. Moving into the role, initially I got what I wanted. I had a high learning curve, a stretch. Valuable on the job experiences in the function I wanted to develop and grow in. But then a year in, I felt that development curve drop.

[00:05:30] I felt like I could do so much more, but wasn't really being seen by the right people. But worst of all, I felt like the environment I was in wasn't fueling my growth, but slowing it down. You know that saying about how you become the five people you surround yourself with? That was constantly on my mind.

[00:05:52] Alarmed me to the fact that I didn't really want to be those five people. It wasn't that I didn't do well, I got excellent reviews and feedback from my direct manager at the time and the people I work closest with. I added value. I unlocked development projects. I did all the things, but that wasn't going to accelerate my time and role or the fact that I felt so misaligned in this situation.

[00:06:22] I was really on the verge of leaving the business then and there. I think if you look back at such hard times in hindsight, you tend to think, well, was it really so bad? It was really only two years, but then the truth is, and this goes back to a quote by Steve Jobs that I recently heard on a podcast. You can't connect the dots looking forward.

[00:06:46] You can only connect them looking backwards. When you're in this situation, it's different. And I learned then and there just how important it is for me to feel valuable, seen, be surrounded by people who fuel my growth and development. And I want that to really sink in. Because, all too often, we're made to feel bad for placing so much value on our careers.

[00:07:14] It's just a job, right? Well, not for me it isn't. For me, learning, development, growing, facing intellectual challenges is part of what makes me feel like myself. It helps me thrive. It brings me to life. If that part goes out the window or is unfulfilled, it doesn't matter if it's only two years of my life.

[00:07:39] It doesn't matter what everyone else says. It's painful and I want to normalize it being okay to strive, pursue, shift, and pivot until we find what makes us feel at our best. Well, back to the story. One day I got a phone call from a marketing director I had worked with in my previous HR position. They remembered me so fondly.

[00:08:06] They were asking whether I'd be interested to apply for an opening on a marketing leadership role in their team. Just imagine this for a second. I had just stepped down to a lower job level. I was so bored with the tasks I was doing and felt heavily underused and underestimated. And then I'm being asked to interview for a role.

[00:08:31] That was a huge step, not only in job level, But also responsibility. I came back to life in that moment. My ego was rejuvenated like never before. I felt pulled out of this hole that I had worked myself into. For the first time in a really long time. I felt seen, acknowledged, appreciated, taken seriously, but most importantly, not underestimated.

[00:09:03] And I told myself, I was going to crush that interview. At that time, what crushing it meant to me. Was showing up strong, confident, and bold. It meant showing complete and utter relief in my ability to rock this position, to make it despite my young age, despite my lack of on-paper marketing experience. So let me take you to the day of the interview I had laid out.

[00:09:38] The perfect power suit. All my life, I am known as the person who shows up in all shades of black and white. But for this very special occasion, and to underpin my confidence, I had chosen a bright yellow blazer and matching shoes. That's what everyone tells you to do, isn't it? Dress to impress? Dress for the job you want?

[00:10:04] The idea of a power suit? Well, all I can think of when I look at this bright yellow blazer that's collecting dust in my closet now is sheer embarrassment. Believe me when I say, I did not rock that power suit. And halfway into the interview, the color of my face had turned into an alarming red that did not match well with the color choice of my outfit. It wasn't that I didn't present myself well, or that I hadn't prepared enough, or that I couldn't express myself.

[00:10:37] I had shown up well prepared and clearly as someone who is strong, confident and bold enough to wear a bright yellow blazer. And the mistake is glaring right into my face. I had shown up as someone else. As a version of myself that I had made look a certain way. But that version was never going to rock that interview because she wasn't herself.

[00:11:06] She didn't feel like herself, and contrary to what was deemed very fashionable at the time, she did not like yellow, nor look good in it. Point taken, but oh so painful. I did not get that job. One of the assessors from that interview was very candid with me afterwards, saying I came across a little arrogantly.

[00:11:31] Too sure of myself. Not humble enough. That was a first in my career and in my life to that date. I sink yet a little deeper into the hole I was in. But I have taken away some really powerful lessons, and I want to share three of them with you more explicitly.

[00:11:55] Lesson number one. You gotta show up as yourself. Bring your personality. Here's what that means. If you're someone who feels nervous, who turns red, whose voice gets shaky when expressing themselves, accept it. It's your bodily reaction to a situation that is clearly out of the ordinary. Do not overthink how your counterparts will judge you for it.

[00:12:20] The truth is you judge yourself most harshly. And more often than not, in our minds, we make it a lot worse than it actually is. I just had the public speaking coach Heather Morrison on the podcast. If you haven't listened to episode two yet, please do. She gives such great advice on how it is okay and important to show up nervous, to accept our bodily reactions, to move through them.

[00:12:48] Because then, we give our body the chance to adjust, we give ourselves the chance to create a good memory, and for our body to then feel more relaxed the next time around. So, accept the nervousness. Also, showing up as yourself means to dress in a way you feel comfortable. I don't mean for you to show up in your yoga pants, unless it's a virtual interview.

[00:13:14] Of course, I mean for you to dress in a way that makes you feel like yourself. For me, this will forever be an oversized, neutrally colored blazer over a basic white shirt for you. This may be bolder colors, maybe even yellow, but definitely let it bring out your personality. Not contradicted.

[00:13:38] Lesson number two. You're not there to make them like you. The goal is not to be who and what they want you to be. The goal is to find out whether the position they have to offer and the environment that position brings with it matches your experience, your career ambition, and the strengths you bring to the table.

[00:13:59] You will have likely heard this a couple times already. A job interview is a two way street. It's not just them interviewing you. It's also you assessing whether they are a good fit for you. I appreciate this is so much easier said than done. Especially when you are early in your career and you feel like the opportunity they have to offer is so much more valuable than what you bring to the table.

[00:14:27] But at the end of the day, trying to be who they want you to be only sets you up for failure. For career experiences that aren't gonna work out. For frustration, exhaustion. That's what I want you to remember. Trust that if it's the right opportunity, they will like you for you. And this is where it starts to feel like dating advice, but actually there are a lot of parallels between dating and pursuing a career.

[00:14:56] I want you to find a love match, not swipe right on an opportunity that wants you to be someone you are not. Lesson number three, bold is a mindset, not a color. Now, let me tell you, I have not quite given up on bold yet. I like the thought of bold. I like someone who makes bold decisions. I like movie characters who are courageous and who go all out and make things happen.

[00:15:24] I also like to think of myself as bold, but, and this, this is the lesson, bold doesn't look the same on everyone. And it is definitely not just shown in the way we dress. See, going into that interview, I might have thought the choice of color is going to make me come across a certain way. It's going to magically underpin what I am saying and sharing as strong, bold, unmatched.

[00:15:52] I thought it was going to carry me through the discomfort of being in a situation where they try and test and challenge and prove. But bold is not a color. It's a mindset. It's in the way you think. It's the examples that you give in a career interview in how openly you show your personality and in the context of this podcast specifically, how willingly you are to leverage your quiet, your introvert tendencies, your inward focus, that's what bold is, and we'll get a lot more of that. The silver lining of the story I told you today, about six months following that horrible interview, I landed a job in innovation marketing, which ultimately took me into the dream job in brand management that I have today.

[00:16:44] I am still with that same CPG company managing one of their biggest brands in the European region. I finally got to where I want to be. Not by my initial definition of what it means to look bold and confident, but do not be fooled. I feel all kinds of bold, rocking my neutral colors and yoga pants.