Morgan L. Stogsdill (00:00)

People, even people I have worked with, have pulled the most wackadoo ideas out and tried to play it on the judge. So here we go. This one is unbelievable on so many levels.

Andrea Rappaport (00:09)

you

How Not To Suck At Divorce (00:11)

If you're going through a divorce or you're thinking about going through a divorce, then this is the podcast that you've been waiting for. Hosted by Morgan Stogsdill, the head of family law at the largest family law firm in the country, and comedian Andrea Rappaport, we are gonna help you avoid the biggest divorce mistakes with our expert guidance, So let's go.

This is How Not to Suck at Divorce.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (00:41)

So two things I want to talk about with you before we start this podcast episode. The first is Sean from Tampa sent us an email. It was awesome. Do you remember Sean from Tampa?

Andrea Rappaport (00:52)

Love Sean from Tampa. I actually just emailed back and forth with him again before we got on here. What a guy.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (00:58)

What a guy. So first of all, he emails us and yes, he said how fabulous we were, which of course makes us feel good. But what he really did that made us perk up was he said, Hey, Andrea Morgan, love the podcast, love the content. But here's some things that you haven't hit on that really are affecting me and my divorce. And I love for you to talk about it. So Sean from Tampa, you got it. We like you and we're wishing you the best for your divorce. Second thing I want to talk about tomorrow.

Andrea and I have a big photo shoot. Not going to say what about, you'll hear about it in the future, but I am freaking out over it because the last photo shoot that we had was the biggest disaster ever, ever. I looked like I had walked into a hornet's nest and a hundred bees had stung me in the face. And then somebody came to my face and just put horrible amounts of like layered makeup over and over and over again. I mean,

It was awful and now I'm freaking out that we're going to have that same result tomorrow.

Andrea Rappaport (01:59)

This episode brought to you by the people who did our last photo shoot. No, it's not. Wow. I did not see that coming. mean, you're not wrong. ⁓ You're not wrong. For once, I am at a loss for words. Jesus fuck. Wow. You really, yeah.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (02:12)

Thank you for being so kind.

Andrea Rappaport (02:22)

It's not going to be bad. It's not going to be bad. I am going to click my heels together three times and say there is no place like a good photo shoot. We're going to be fine. What's the worst that can happen? Dun dun dun.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (02:34)

I don't know, wanting to

jump into traffic again. I have no idea. I didn't think it could get that bad.

Andrea Rappaport (02:40)

Yeah, there were some really funny ones. Okay, friends, we're about to give you a break today. Do you need a break? I need a break. No, like seriously, do you mentally need a break? Because if I were you, if I were doggy paddling through my divorce, I would. I'm not doggy paddling through a divorce and I need a goddamn break. So we are introducing something new to our lineup, mini episodes that we're going to bring you midweek, just a little something to keep you going.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (03:08)

Some weeks will be additional legal information. Some weeks are going to be pre-divorce support. Some weeks will be post-divorce support. And some will just be entertainment because guess what? You need it.

Andrea Rappaport (03:18)

You need it. Next week, we're going to hit you back with some hard-hitting information. But to kick off this mini-series, we're doing it on our regular drop day. And just so you know why, your lovable, unpopular divorce opinion trailblazers, Morgan and Andrea, we have just re-recorded a brand new and improved divorce crash course.

based on what you guys have asked for. So here comes the mini episode because we need the mental break. Are you ready for five people who suck at getting divorced more than you?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (03:59)

Okay, I'm going to start. Andrea wrote out, just so you know, some things that she found about five people sucking at divorce more than you, but I'm like, hey, I'm the divorce lawyer on this show. I want to talk about a few things that I've dealt with where somebody sucked more at divorce than you. Are you ready for this?

Andrea Rappaport (04:16)

⁓ taking a left turn. Go for it, girl.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (04:19)

All right, so I had a client once, we'll call her Brenda, because we always call people Chad and Brenda in our divorce podcast world. Brenda was super upset because Chad came in and stole something that really mattered to Brenda. It was, dun, da, da, dun, a very beautifully bedazzled statue of a Buddha with Chanel C's all over the Buddha that sat in her closet.

And she wasn't going to walk away lightly because this Buddha, this bedazzled Buddha, I learned so much, was purchased for about, this was a long time ago, $15,000 a long, long time ago. And this statue was just sitting in her closet that she could look at when she was getting dressed. So you know what she did? She had me go to court and fight over the bedazzled Buddha. It was really fun trying to tell the judge about a bedazzled Buddha and how important this Buddha was to her.

Andrea Rappaport (05:05)

Uh-uh.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (05:16)

Do you wanna know what we spent trying to get the bedazzled Buddha back?

Andrea Rappaport (05:19)

Yeah. And I'm taking the dog, too. I'm gonna one-up that story.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (05:20)

over double what the bedazzled Buddha cost. But guess what, girl? We got it back. Bedazzled Buddha back in the closet. Boom.

Andrea Rappaport (05:34)

Not that I did it, not that I know anything about this personally, but guess what I found on the interwebs? There was a couple who famously went round and around and around and around for the low, low cost of $100,000 over, drum roll please, an ashtray. $100,000 over an ashtray.

The wife won the ashtray, and do you know what she did? On her way out, I like how you're just silent. Okay, good. On the way out of the courthouse after winning the ashtray right in front of her then ex-husband, she smashed it to pieces.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (06:20)

it. Okay, I had another client that was so pissed at Chad for all the things he'd done during the relationship that Chad went into court and got an order that said that he could come to the residence which she owned and pick up some of his items at a certain time with an escort. She decided not to be there. She had

Andrea Rappaport (06:38)

Wait, what kind

of escort are we talking?

Morgan L. Stogsdill (06:45)

Not Chad's usual escort, a police escort. So Chad gets to the house to look for his items and my client is not present but has sent in some people to make sure that Chad didn't do anything inappropriate. And what is she doing? But she is tapped into the security system and the speakers and she is playing at the loudest possible volume.

Andrea Rappaport (06:47)

Okay.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (07:14)

Beyonce's to the left, to the left. And it was on repeat the entire time Chad was in there trying to get his items.

Andrea Rappaport (07:23)

But like, she's winning at divorce. I don't know that that even falls into this category.

I want like, you can we get can we meet? Is there any way that I can meet this person? Like talk to me offline, but not all heroes were capes.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (07:40)

I would agree with that and know you're never meeting that person. Moving on.

Andrea Rappaport (07:45)

Moving on Morgan, got a question for you. You game, right? Like you're a gamer.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (07:50)

Absolutely not. When would I do gaming and what game would I be doing?

Andrea Rappaport (07:55)

I don't know,

but I would love, can picture you right now, like in a dark, like creepy gamers room, like the kind you see on like YouTube or they're like, yo, yo, yo, go, go, go. And it's all like, yeah. And dark with like LED lights around you. Okay, I have a point. This story has to do with online gaming in Japan because the two go hand in hand. Okay, I know, don't look at me like that. There is a game called Maple Story.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (08:05)

with like headphones on, headphones.

Andrea Rappaport (08:23)

don't know anything about it, but there is. In Japan, a woman came home and saw that she was dumped by, I guess, her husband. And they play this online game together. So this woman, she's like a grown up. Like she's 43 years old. She's a piano teacher. She hacked into his account of this game, OK? And she destroyed

his avatar, like killed him, killed him, I'm using air quotes, and destroyed all of these things that he created and that he had. Here's the kicker. He invested money in the game, right? This is what gets her in trouble. He spent money on the game and on the avatar and on this whole world that she burned to the ground. And as it turns out, in Japan,

in-game crime, which is what they call it, is a real thing. She then had to pay a $5,000 fine or had to look at being locked up for five years.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (09:31)

And that's exactly why I don't game. So I'm going to talk about the number one person who sucks at getting divorced more than you. And I read this story, Andrea, and before I tell it, I have to tell you, this is not shocking.

People, even people I have worked with, have pulled the most wackadoo ideas out and tried to play it on the judge. So here we go. This one is unbelievable on so many levels.

Andrea Rappaport (09:53)

you

Morgan L. Stogsdill (09:54)

All right. So this story is known as The Husband Who Revealed That He Is Actually a Zombie.

Yes, that's true. So during his divorce in 2007, Joe came up with the perfect defense to avoid signing divorce papers. He claimed

Andrea Rappaport (10:07)

you

Morgan L. Stogsdill (10:08)

that he could not divorce his wife, Karen, because their marriage had been dissolved three years prior. Why? That's when he, air quotes, died, taking death due us part to a whole nother level. Joe actually cited an incident in which his heart stopped three years earlier, technically killing him for a moment.

before he was revived. However, the case did not stand in court because he could not prove that the incident ever occurred. And also because he showed up to court as a living person. Big shocker, for sure. But you know what? I'm not kidding. These are the things that our poor judges have to deal with. And they're so off the wall that at times the judges just shake their heads. They're like, is this for real? Is this for real?

Andrea Rappaport (10:53)

Here's where

if we wouldn't get sued by Kelly Clarkson, I would totally insert a clip of what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Or what doesn't kill you makes you divorced and a zombie. Because I mean, these people, these ideas, the creativity, I applaud.

That's all I have to say. Alright Morgan, I'm going to steal your line. Divorce is a marathon. It is not a sprint.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (11:22)

If you need more information or more community, check out our online community. It's confidential, free to join, and we answer questions that are posed in there. You're going to feel really good in that community. If you need even more information, look for our new DCC coming out or check out some of our online guidebooks. We do this podcast for you. And we just wanted to lighten things up because at times divorce can feel really heavy.

Andrea Rappaport (11:45)

It can. It can feel overwhelming. It can feel yucky. It can feel nauseating. Sometimes you just need a little break. We're here for you. We're here for the breaks and we're here for you on the days when you need the facts and the hard hitting information. Lean on us. You can do this. I promise you, you can do this and you deserve and need a community. Friends,

You've got this.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (12:10)

and we have got you.

How Not To Suck At Divorce (12:15)

The How Not to Suck a Divorce podcast shall not be copied or rebroadcast without consent. This podcast does not contain legal advice. The information heard on this show shall not and should not be used as legal advice.