What's going on, everybody?

What's up, everybody?

I'm Derek.

And I'm Matt.

And we today are gonna be talking about something that affects a lot of people during this time of year.

Yeah.

So it's something that I'm actually going through right now.

So we want to talk about what it is to mourning.

Want to talk about mourning loss, losing someone in your life, especially, you know, going into holidays, what it's like to.

Be feeling that sometimes fresh or even those past mornings, bringing them into the holidays.

Because sometimes holidays have a way of, like, bringing us back through that to different degrees.

Yeah, for sure.

And I mean, if you've lost somebody.

You remember, like, what it's like to have your first holiday season without them.

I've actually gone into Thanksgiving twice.

I'll tell.

I'll tell about that in a row.

Not in a row.

Twice in my life where I've gone into a Thanksgiving in morning.

That's crazy.

Yeah, I mean, it's.

It's kind of.

Kind of wild.

I mean, we've had a lot of.

There's been a lot of things happen near us this year.

Yeah.

Very recently.

Which is not uncommon from this type of time of year.

People get crazy and holidays get closer.

But just.

Even in our.

In our just local area, we've had so many murder suicides and.

Yeah.

It felt like it was like one after another.

Yeah.

There was like four.

Yeah.

That were like two or three people, you know, like four people, you know, it was crazy.

So, I mean, we've got a lot of pain, right?

Yeah, we've got a lot of pain in our communities, in our nation.

Yeah.

And.

And very much in our own own lives a lot of times.

So.

Yeah.

And it can be hard, you know, especially when you're taking that into a season like this.

Oftentimes we think about holiday seasons as times of, you know, joyous occasions.

The time to be happy, celebrate things, be happy to a degree, you know, and it can be rough.

And so, you know, we can talk about that.

Yeah.

So not to bring down the mood from Thanksgiving, but.

Yeah.

Or to bring down the mood for Christmas either.

But just to share.

Like what?

That you're not alone, for one.

You're not alone going into any of this.

And that we do have things to be hopeful for as well.

So welcome to the truth response.

You want to pray?

Yeah, I'll pray.

Cool.

Our Father, thank you for just another opportunity to come together and to speak into this world.

Father, we know that in subjects like today, there's something that A lot of people, if not most, have had some experience with.

So we ask you to guide our conversation today and possibly help use us to maybe bring some comfort, new perspective, healing, maybe even.

And so, you know, you can do all things.

And we ask you to work through us in our conversation today and help us as well as everyone, become better reflections of you.

In Jesus name, Amen.

Amen.

So I got a really.

So I got a story that's sad, but there's also.

Something that really cool that happened and it's helped.

So here's what it is.

Right before Thanksgiving, a guy, a good friend of mine, who is also kind of a mentor and.

Just a.

Just a great person and a great friend, and he passed away.

And it was.

Man, it was a shot to the heart for sure.

I didn't even know you knew who he was.

Oh, yeah.

I've known him for a long time.

But he and I, we got really close actually.

And so his name was Les.

And.

So Les and I, I would see him very often and we'd have a lot of conversations about things and, you know, it was great to have someone I could go to and speak about being in a new area, taking on a new ministry.

I've only been here for two years now.

I'm actually almost two years now.

And so it was really great and really love the guy.

So when I heard that he passed away and it was kind of suddenly, nobody was expecting it, of course.

And so it hurt a lot and carried that I found out the day before Thanksgiving.

So, you know, I carried that right into the day.

And, you know, I remember thinking to myself, well, even in my pain, like, I know I feel confident that I know where he's at.

Yeah.

That you know, and what no better place for him to be.

But selfishly, it's my selfishness that doesn't want him to be there because I want him to be here with us.

Sure.

But I was grateful, if I was going to be grateful for anything about it, is that I had that time with him.

So that put me into.

This is the second time actually that I've gone into Thanksgiving where with like, deep mourning.

And so this is.

But I will say this.

So.

As much as it hurt.

Sometimes something kind of really cool happened where.

So his wife hit me up and invited me this week, actually just yesterday she hit me up on.

Today's a Wednesday.

So she hit me up on Monday to come down on Tuesday and invited me to.

He had a great library of resources and books and I love reading and I Especially love books about Jesus in all its forms.

And so she asked me if I wanted to come down and, you know, take some of his library.

And I was like, oh, absolutely.

And I knew it was going to be emotional.

But at the same time, like, what a great, you know.

Opportunity to not only get some cool materials, but also know where I'm getting them from.

Yeah.

Is amazing.

And so I went down there, and the thing is, is that when she asked me, strangely enough, the first thing that came to mind was I knew he had this commentary series that I was really a big fan of.

I didn't have it personally, but I knew he had it, and I was a big fan of the person that wrote it.

And so he and I talked about it, and we both talked about that author.

And.

So it was kind of something we bonded over.

And so I thought to myself, well, if that series is available.

I'd love to grab it.

And I told myself, going in, you know, hey, look, you know, maybe he donated it to the church.

Great.

Or somebody already has it.

Fine.

You know, if it's there, I'd love to have it.

And so I went down there, and of course, first thing you do.

All I could do when I first got there was just give his wife a big old hug.

But she looked at me, she said, well, take whatever you want.

He'd love for you to have it.

And.

And I was like, okay.

So.

And she's like, she could see me kind of just.

I was really just trying to navigate being in the room.

Yeah.

That he and I so often, you know, met in and talked in, and knowing that he's not going to be there, and it's just kind of a weird place to be.

And she looked at me, she goes, is there anything that you wanted?

And I was like, well, I'm not sure.

I said, there's some authors I know he has.

And I mentioned a couple.

I said, the one I was kind of looking out for was everything by this.

That particular author, including that one commentary.

But I could tell that it wasn't on the shelf that normally was on.

So I thought, so I think that's already gone.

And she said, no, no.

She said, actually, it's yours.

And I said, what?

And she said, God told her that night before, after she invited me to come down, God told her if I asked for that commentary series to give it to her.

Gave it to me.

Really?

Yeah.

And I was like, wow, that's amazing.

You know, and.

Because it meant a lot to me, and I thought, that's That's.

That's crazy.

That's amazing.

I told my wife about it.

My wife was laughing.

She's like.

It's like Les told her, or told.

Asked God for a favor.

Hey, can you tell her to give him.

I thought, that's really cool.

And so I got some other materials as well.

And she even actually gave me one of his guitars, which was really cool.

And it.

I'll let you play it.

Yeah, I've heard of them.

I know people who have them.

I've just never played one.

Yeah, I like it.

It's a Guild guitar.

Yeah, it's a Guild.

I like it.

I think it sounds really good.

But anyway, so I get everything home and I unload it, and I have a couch in my garage where I load everything into.

And I just kind of sat down for a second, and.

I just reached.

I looked over and I reached over for one of the books from the commentary series, and it was on first Peter.

I just opened it up, and I was, like.

Just looking to see, you know.

Maybe something that the author that I was looking forward to reading had said.

And then I noticed something even cooler is that, you know, Les had already gone through it, and he had notes and thoughts he had written there.

And it made it so much greater in my eyes because not only, like, do I think that the author's great, but, like, I get him.

I get a little bit him with it.

Yeah.

And, oh, my gosh.

My.

I almost wanted to cry again.

You know, like, amazing, this moment in my life where I realized, oh, my gosh, this is.

This is both.

Not only do I get to remember who I got it from, but he's part of it now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so that was such a cool moment and such.

Sometimes it's those happy things that we can hold onto those memories, those little things we can hold onto that help us in seasons of mourning.

Sure.

And it definitely.

I mean, it makes for a great story.

I know, but, like, it's something that I'll never forget.

And I know that as I continue to use that series, man, it's going to be so meaningful to see not only what I would use it for, but also to see him in it as well.

It's like being able to continue to interact with him going into the future.

Yeah.

So that was such a.

Such a cool thing to discover, and I just.

I'm so excited about that now.

That was the second time.

I will say the.

The first time I went into that.

I went into the Thanksgiving morning was actually because of my grandmother My grandmother, who was.

And I'm not trying to bring the room down, guys, that my grandmother, who was really the kind of the matriarch of my faith, because she even over my mom.

My mom was big in my faith, but, like, my grandmother was like a very steadfast person in my life that displayed just really great love and what it looked like and faith and was always.

Her and my grandfather were always making sure we were going to church, even it didn't matter what church that we were going to church.

And, you know, they would always make sure talk to me about Jesus.

And losing her was a big loss in my life.

And it happened just before Thanksgiving that year.

But it was a pivotal moment in my life.

Strangely enough, it was also the moment that God used to get me to say yes to him, not to have him in my life, to say yes to ministry.

Because up until that point, I had been like, no, but.

But right into that area.

I knew I was feeling like I was starting to wrestle with the idea.

And at her funeral, which, once again, right before Thanksgiving, they asked me if I wanted to get up and just say something.

And I did.

And strangely enough, I got up there and spoke from the heart.

And.

Honestly, I didn't know what it came across as.

You know, I was just.

It wasn't for necessarily them.

This was for my grandma.

Sure.

And I got done speaking and people coming up to me, man, you're a great speaker, man.

You've got away with words.

And I was like, really?

I'm not sure if you were hearing the same thing I was hearing, but, like, to me, it was.

But it was in that moment, I'll never forget that God was like, you ready?

And I was like, you know what?

Yeah.

Let'S start looking into this.

And it was just a strange moment in my life, but.

And you know what my biggest regret about it is that I didn't do it sooner.

My grandmother would have loved being able to sit there and watch me do anything.

Ministry, you know, it meant a lot to her.

But, yeah, that was.

That was a moment in my life where I was like, okay, God, okay.

And I kind of did it.

I think part of me did it in honor of her.

But I just remember, like, two different times where I'm going into Thanksgiving and there's a lot of weight.

And so that was kind of the idea that I brought to you today.

It's like, we go into these holidays and there's a lot of weight that sometimes we bring, you know, when we've lost someone that We've been through the holidays with, you know, I know, for instance, like my mother in law, you know, this is the time of year she lost her dad and so that weighs on her every year.

And you know, I think a lot of people in different ways have, have those feelings, have to have those people that come to mind that we miss.

Sometimes it's you think of them when you are decorating Christmas tree because there's an ornament that reminds you of them.

Or sometimes it's a decoration of different kinds or just you think about an event or whatever it may be.

So, you know, how.

How then can we encourage through the morning of the holidays?

Yeah, well, I think for starters, just, just remember.

The God that created you has had times of mourning as well, right?

Like he, he absolutely knows what it feels like.

And I'm not just talking about like God because of the death of his son.

Like, I'm not talking about.

Oh yeah, but even Jesus, like, look at, look at the loss of his friend.

Right?

Yeah.

Lazarus, like he mourned over that as well, you know, and part of me thinks that he allowed him to pass so that he could feel what we feel and now, but that's not necessarily written into it.

And you know, we don't know how many people he may or may not have lost, how many people in his younger years or whatever.

You know, I mean, he obviously he lost a stepfather.

Well, a father.

Right.

Well, it's not necessarily obvious, but probable at some point.

Right.

So yeah, So I mean, yeah, you're right.

He, he felt what it is to, to, to lose someone.

Right.

You know, and the pain, he understands us in our morning.

Right.

And I think that a lot of people's go to is whenever they, they are hurting is to try to figure out how to deal with themselves or just not burden other people with that pain.

And so that's also the number one thing not to do like, is to approach it like that or you lock it up.

We're here for each other for a reason.

Like we're not alone for a reason.

And so.

It'S important to realize that you're not alone even with the creator of the universe.

He understands what, what you're going through.

And you know, he understands it both from a human perspective and from a, you know, eternity perspective.

So.

He does understand it.

Like you understand it as well.

So.

Yeah.

And you need to mourn.

Yeah.

It's necessary, it's healthy.

And you know, growing up.

I was born into a family where there was a lot of older Family members, and they seemed to pass away all the time.

And it just felt like it was, you know, oh, here's one.

And then maybe next year there's one, and the next couple years, this one and that.

To tell you that, like, I had the wrong perspective about mourning growing up because.

You know, I grew up fireman's son.

Firemen are always hold themselves.

They're usually held together.

It takes a lot to rattle someone who sees a lot of crazy situations on a regular basis.

And so I'd go to funerals and I would see my dad standing strong.

And maybe he was doing it for my mom, or maybe he was just doing it to keep himself together.

I never saw my dad really mourn.

You'd get.

Every once in a while, you might see some emotions get the better of him for a moment, but never saw him really deal with mourning in that way.

My mom more so.

But I didn't really.

So I kind of came up with this crazy notion that, you know, men, we just stay strong, we don't mourn like that.

And it was kind of.

It's kind of sub in my subconscious.

And so it made it harder for me to deal with those kinds of emotions.

My grandmother was one of the first ones that I really was pushing myself to.

To mourn in any way.

But I still did it privately.

I didn't try to do it publicly.

Sure.

You know, to a degree.

Like there was, you know, you make a couple of social media posts.

This is really sad.

But I really didn't, like, I tried to hold it together in front of people in my.

And like, I've tried to continue to grow in that and no, I mean, it is natural and it's necessary to let yourself go through those feelings.

You know, God's there with you and he wants to help comfort you.

The scripture tells us those who mourn will be comforted.

He wants you to know that he loves you and he can carry that with you and he wants to meet you in that moment.

And sometimes we deny ourselves that with the loss of less.

I immediately looked at Sadie and I said, I need to let myself do this.

I need to feel this.

I need to.

I can't hold back from this.

I need to embrace that I am hurting.

Hurting.

I need to embrace that I am mourning.

And you know, even then I'm still.

There's moments where I felt the emotion, but I wasn't letting it out because it's still.

Like somehow there's still something inside me that holds back sometimes, which is difficult.

It's Kind of a weird place.

But it is so important to move yourself in that direction.

And you're right.

Sharing with other people, being open about, hey, this is where I'm at.

So if I'm a little off today, know, this is what I'm working with.

And not only does that help you kind of relieve some of that pressure in yourself, but it does give others the chance to come alongside you in that.

Sure.

Just as Christ wants to and kind of just support you at the very least, or at least help understand where you're at, you know, Look, I'm not saying do it for attention, but when it's naturally.

Look, I'm dealing with this, and this is heavy today, and let.

Let it out.

Yeah.

You know, it hurts us more to hold it in, don't you think?

It depends.

I think that it can.

I don't know, because I'm.

I'm one who is.

I am on that.

In between.

On the.

The.

Not the.

Not the emotion side.

I mean, obviously we all feel emotions.

If you say you don't, you're lying.

But.

But.

Or you just don't understand what they are.

Right.

Like, And.

And that can be as blatant or, you know, simple as you want to take it.

But I. I'm also of the persuasion that, like, just because someone's stoic doesn't mean they're not mourning.

You know what I mean?

Like, yeah.

Just because somebody doesn't look like they're mourning doesn't mean they're not.

And it.

It doesn't mean they're not dealing with the emotions.

Now, I agree with you that a lot of times, especially.

I mean, especially when it comes to our first responders.

Right.

I'm gonna lump them all in the same category because there's a lot, you know, but.

Because I grew up fireman's kid too.

Yeah.

But in their case, they have to.

I don't want to say, deal with.

Because they.

They a lot of times aren't dealing with it, but they have to set it aside because they don't have time for that because they got another call they're going to or whatever.

So in that instance, I would agree.

I think that I have seen the same kind of thing with my father and whatnot.

But just to say.

I can't just say, like, just because someone's stoic or someone doesn't look like they are.

I don't think there's anything.

You have to.

The emotions don't have to be on the outside.

That's what I'm Trying to say, but you still.

In order for you to be dealing.

With it, you still need to be able to process it.

Right?

Right.

So I think that it's totally okay for a guy to cry.

If you need to cry, reach out to people.

If you need to reach out to people, I would say definitely reach out to someone.

Don't do it alone.

Because we were not made for anything, to be alone for anything.

Whether that's, you know.

God noticed that we needed a spouse.

Right?

God noticed that, you know, we are a group of people who like to eat together, you know, whatever that is.

Because Jesus, they lounged for hours and ate, right?

Like, it was just a thing.

You see him eating all the time.

But, like, whatever it is, we weren't made to do it alone.

That wasn't how we're designed.

And so that includes morning.

You know, scripture says that there's a time for everything in the sun, including morning.

And so.

But when that time is up, you're to move on.

Right?

Like, that's the other thing.

Well, see, that's one of the healthiest things about allowing yourself to mourn and process it is so that.

You can work through it and then you can get past it.

And that doesn't mean that we put someone completely behind ourselves, that we're not reminded of them, that we don't carry their memory forward and we don't still cherish them to some degree.

But to allow yourself to go those.

Allows you to, you know, let that part of it go, the pain go and.

And go more into the celebration, more into the remembering.

And, you know, does that mean that you'll never feel sad about it again?

No, but.

Yeah, right.

I. I mean, I was in Honduras, and my dad has a firefighter buddy who was dying in cancer because of the stuff they put in the fire suits and the chemicals and all that stuff.

Right.

It's been a big thing so, like, for firefighters all over the world, really.

So, I mean, he was not doing well.

Like, his buddy was not doing well at all.

And.

His buddy ended up passing while we were there.

And it brought up in me while I sat with him, just not having fully dealt with losing my best friend two years ago, you know, like, it was.

It was just a moment of just tears.

I just.

I needed to mourn again, I guess.

I don't know.

But I needed to feel it, you know?

So, yeah, I mean, just because years have passed doesn't mean that, you know, things aren't gonna come up and your feelings aren't gonna happen again.

And sometimes you've gotta.

You gotta finish the process.

Sometimes it's.

It's a longer process with breaks, you know, whatever that looks like.

And that's okay.

Yeah, that's okay.

But, you know, I.

Like I said, there's.

There's good things, though.

You know, sometimes.

You might ask yourself, what is it when we lose someone, especially someone we really care about?

How can I be grateful for this?

In the case of those who we know have a strong relationship with Christ, we can be grateful because we know that there is no better place.

But in the Lord's arms.

At the same time, man, why can't we just be grateful that we had that opportunity, that time that they made that impact?

I think that that is gratefulness.

I think that us mourning is us being grateful for the time that we had with them.

Like.

Because think about.

Think about people who have passed that you didn't.

I mean, in all honesty.

They passed.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like, it's because they.

They didn't impact you.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, honestly, that's.

That's what it is, is.

Is that they didn't.

You didn't have that opportunity to be grateful for.

Yeah.

So I would say that anybody.

That.

That.

Okay.

No universals.

Right.

Don't.

Don't hear universals.

Although.

Sith.

Do.

Do work in absolutes.

I get that.

Right.

Like, I. I understand that about myself.

I understand.

But in this.

In this situation, like, I get that.

That, you know, if they.

If you don't mourn, if you're not.

If you're not even, you know, if that's just kind of.

I'm just here.

I'm here to help others.

I'm not feeling it, you know, like that sort of thing.

More likely it was because they.

They didn't.

They weren't really impactful to you.

Yeah.

I mean, there's different levels of loss that we.

We witness and hear.

So, like, you know, someone.

You hear about somebody passing or.

Oh, there was somebody that was killed in a car accident.

Is it sad?

Yeah, sure.

Do you feel it to that degree?

Yeah.

I mean, you can agree that is sad.

That's a terrible tragedy.

But you're right.

At that point, unless you knew them, there's not.

It's not bad to say that we.

That's as far as that morning goes.

We're sad that it happened.

And in some cases, if we know that, like, there are people that go out and they realize, like, hey, look, this road.

Because this road, I'll just give you an example, has no stop sign.

People keep getting in accidents and people are dying and something needs to be done with it.

Great.

Sometimes that kind of mourning can lead to action, which is helpful.

But in a lot of cases, yeah, that's really sad.

And you drive by someone who has passed or got, you know, you see somebody got killed in motorcycle accident, car accident.

There's a little thing on the side of the road, and for a moment, there's just a moment in time where you do kind of mourn it because you're like, that is really sad.

Can I speak to that for a minute?

So I get.

I get people dealing with things in that way.

Yeah.

But just for anybody out there, don't not.

This isn't to make somebody feel bad for doing this, but if you're thinking about doing something like that, I really strongly urge you to find a different way to mourn.

Because those first responders who deal with all of those events, they don't need another reminder that they worked.

Somebody who died there.

I mean, like.

And I know that's kind of selfish.

Takes them back to the day, but.

But they already remember that person themselves.

I guarantee it.

So out of respect for our first responders, I would ask that.

That you would at least reconsider how you're gonna.

How you're gonna mourn a person.

I get that if.

If there needs to be some sort of protesty type, oh, yeah, thing.

I get that.

You know, because of something.

You know, something needs to be done about this particular spot or whatever.

Like, I get the whole speed limit or stop sign kind of a mentality of trying to protest for that.

But.

But at the same time, like.

Man, the first responders who have to drive past that stuff all the time, who were probably at at least one of those that they drive by on a regular basis, like, they don't need the extra reminder.

And it's.

It's.

It's got to be tough.

I can't even imagine.

I understand that, you know, when the families that are doing this, you know, they're.

They're trying to find a way to help them.

Grieve and mourn and try to heal and having a place to.

The thing is the site of death becomes memorialized, and I think sometimes that's not the best way of doing it, but I agree with you.

And plus, it affects more than.

And can have negative connotations, but I understand the heart behind people.

People are trying to.

That's what they have to attach to.

That's all they.

Sometimes that's all they have Left.

And so I understand that, but you're right.

But the thing is just getting back to the point, like we see these things and we mourn and then you, I hate to put it in levels, but then you get things that are kind of hit a little closer.

Like for instance, especially for parents and adults, when we hear about the tragedy involving children, it hits a little harder.

And as we mentioned earlier, you know, we've had some tragedies in the neighborhood.

Four different families where there.

Or households where there was a murder, suicide.

And you're like, oh my gosh, it hits a little harder.

You know, what a tragedy that I can't believe, because you're thinking about all the different angles of it and it affects you and it's in your neighborhood.

And you know, and it's strange because people.

It'S interesting to have different conversations with people about it because there's something that somebody said and the first time they said it and I was like, you know, I agree with you.

Because they're like, I don't want to sound a certain way, but in a way they said, I'm grateful that it was an isolated situation.

And then they immediately, you know, felt the need to explain.

They're like, you know, because, you know, it's not like somebody got murdered and now we're searching for somebody and we're not sure if it's a one time deal or it's, it's done.

So there's some solace in that, but it's still really sad.

And they were, you know, kind of realizing like, yeah, that's true.

And it's, it's.

And it's okay to realize that there's just, but there's so many levels.

And then of course, as, you know, it grows.

I mean, next, you know, it's a guy that we ran into before, it's someone we used to know.

And you know, I've, I've had.

A few.

I don't even know the number, which is, I don't mean that to be an extraordinary number, but I know there's been more than I'm thinking of.

There's been many kids that I graduated with that have passed away for different reasons.

Some of them not good reasons.

There's been people I've worked with that have passed away.

About at least three of them I know were drug related, you know, and that's why there's friends of my siblings that have passed away for reasons like that.

And there's all kinds of tragedies that happen around us and where Our spear is where our bubble is.

The closer it gets to it, the more we feel it.

But I think no matter where it is, whether it's as close as it gets, we gotta allow ourselves to feel that.

I think when it becomes a problem, when we try to become cold to it, where we try to not have empathy and compassion anymore, it's not a strength to be that way.

I don't believe it is.

And I think some people do think it's.

I don't.

I'm not.

I'm not gonna be weak and think about.

No, that's not strength.

Right, Right.

That.

That's the.

That's the side that.

That is not right.

The healthy bit is the, you know, thinking it's weakness to have signs of emotion or feeling is.

Is not.

It's not healthy.

Yeah, I mean, and I feel that.

I agree with you.

It's.

It's good even.

Listen, men, it is a good thing to cry.

I have a hard time with it.

I can't quite put my finger on exactly the events that led to it, but, like, there are times where I'm so filled with emotion that I know something that would make me feel really great is if I could just bawl my eyes out, you know, that.

That cry that just.

It's.

You leave everything on the table kind of cry, and I can't.

I can't get there.

I don't know.

It's like sometimes I'm trying to push it and hold it back at the same time.

I don't understand why.

You know, even when Les passed away, I was.

You know, I felt like I wanted to really cry.

And yet I think my wife said something like I glistened, you know, like my eyes watered and maybe a tear or two, but, like, it wasn't what I really needed.

And it's something like, man, that's the damage that can happen.

When you spend a lot of time repressing these things, you're gonna need it, and then you're not gonna be able to get there.

And, man, I.

Like, I tell you it, sometimes I joke, but I'm kind of serious.

Like, sometimes I'm like, am I broken?

Like, did I damage myself by repressing this somehow?

So I agree not to repress.

Right.

Deal with things.

It's important.

However, I do think that it.

It's also good.

For, as a man to not be crying all the time.

At least not in public.

Right.

Like, I think there's.

There's a.

Something to.

Like, you can mourn on your own.

Right?

Like, I'm not saying.

I'm not saying that's what you should do.

I'm saying, like, it's possible to.

To kind of mourn.

In your more intimate setting.

Right.

But.

And I'm not saying never mourn in public either, but I'm saying, like, I think there might be something to.

And this is just a thought, like, to the.

The idea that men who mourn or cry, not just.

Not just in mourning, but are constantly out there crying, you know, a little too in touch, some would say, with their emotions.

I think that can look weak.

I agree.

But the thing is, is that we tend to overcompensate.

What do you mean?

I think, and this is one of the things that, like, I'm kind of jealous of women of being able to be more in tune with what they need emotionally sometimes.

But like men, because we don't want to appear as weak or we don't want a blubbering idiot or any name that we can put to it.

Like, yeah, you're right.

If a guy's so sensitive, he's constantly crying, we're looking at him like, get it together, man.

Right, yeah, but, like, there are times to cry and there's times not to cry.

Sure.

And sometimes you do kind of have to be a strength in a situation.

That's true.

But I think we overdo it.

I think because we're like, we.

We see that as, like, don't want to go there.

We overcompensate.

I think maybe that's where I got this, is I overcompensated too much to the other.

But I think the overcompensation is removing the mourning altogether.

That can be.

And not.

Not so much the.

The outward appearance.

Like, because, look.

There'S a reason why women are built for emotion, Right.

And they're looked at as the more emotional being.

Like, they're designed differently than we are as men.

And I think that there is this.

Quality that we possess that you're right, when we overdo it is more of a lack of dealing with and shutting down than dealing with more privately.

I think that one of our traits is to be able to show that we can stand strong and we can be looked to and looked at, to be able to turn to in those struggling times.

Right.

Which it puts a little bit more weight on us to both hold that strength in the visual purview of the public, but also to then go to be also dealing with the mourning or the situation, whatever.

At the same time, you know, like, if you've got to cry that's cool.

When my best friend died, I thought it was a joke at first actually.

I got a message from his wife.

Who.

They were separated.

But I got a message from her who never messaged me on Facebook, never messaged me and text me.

We didn't talk very much.

And said that he had passed.

Like suddenly.

I thought this is.

I'm just getting spammed, you know, like I'm just getting messed over, trolled.

It's not real.

It's not real.

And then.

When I found out it was true, like I mourned, I couldn't stand, like I collapsed.

I've never felt that much sorrow.

Like I've never been in mourning to that extent.

I've lost family members, I mean I. I've not lost friends, you know, to that, to that degree.

But like when he passed away, I couldn't even stand up.

Like I just collapsed in the driveway.

Right.

So I'm not saying like that is weakness.

But if every little thing that came along did that.

Yeah.

Did that to me.

Like how could my wife look at me and expect for me to hold, hold the family together?

You know what I mean?

So I think there's.

And it doesn't mean don't think there's.

Deal with.

I think there's a balance for sure.

I'm not saying don't deal with things.

And I say it because the people out there listening, I don't want them to get the misunderstanding that we're saying one thing or the other.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I think there's importance on both of those things.

Yeah.

Being there.

I think that it's, it's good for men to know that they're not alone in the feelings that they have.

Yeah.

I think it's.

It's okay to.

It's okay to cry in front of other men.

It's totally an alright thing.

But also it's.

It's okay to.

And encouraged to, to be able to stand strong in tough situations and to then go and deal with things.

In a more private setting.

But you gotta deal with it.

Both of those are good.

You do have to deal with it.

And that's the thing I 100% agree with you on, is that our overcompensation leads us a lot of times to not dealing with the emotions.

And the thing is, I think you touched on it earlier.

You said it's love, what we're doing, what we're feeling is love.

It is compassion.

Actually, you know what?

There was something marvel did.

It was a line from the Guy that played Vision, Paul Bettany, and he said, what is mourning but love withstanding?

And I was like, that's so good.

That is so good.

And I think it's completely true.

I mean, we feel that love and we carry it forward.

And then I also think about the Beatles song.

Talk about the Beatles.

We don't need to get into that.

But there's a lyric that says, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

And it's so funny, because when you see someone that impacted so many people, that's how many people want to reach out and love back.

And it's like, wow.

But once again, we want.

I want you to feel, if you're in this season, the holiday season, and you're feeling the loss of someone recent or even someone that you've lost before, and the holidays have a way of making that afresh.

It's okay to feel that and to deal with that in healthy ways.

You know, if it's something you really haven't talked with someone, I would really encourage you to reach out and just let somebody know, hey, this is what I'm dealing with.

I just need to let it out.

I just need someone else.

And, you know, obviously, if you're.

If you're part of our church family, if you're part of the body of Christ, there's other people in the body of Christ that want to help you with those burdens, for sure.

But know that God is in that with you, you know, and sometimes talking to him and going, God, I'm still hurting here, you know, and recognizing that it's actually a special thing that you have.

You're still feeling that love that was once there.

And it's hard for us to name that because sometimes we lose something and we lose someone, and we've never used the term love on them.

Right?

You might not even have said I love you to that person.

But whether you wanted to say it before, whether you did say it before or not, there was love there.

Because when we start to do life with people, there's a form of love that is involved in those relationships.

And it's okay to mourn that love, to miss that love, to know that you can't continue in that.

At least now, you know, ultimately our greatest hope is in, as Christ believers, that us and the people that are in the body of Christ, that, you know, even though we might die here or we might lose someone here and their light goes out here, it's not forever and we can be reunited with them.

And we can share eternity with them, with our Lord.

And how amazing that'll be.

You know, I.

When I lost my grandmother, I was like, well, she's gonna go with the Lord.

And, you know, I was.

You know, it's almost inspiring in a way, to go, all right, well, I gotta.

I gotta make sure I'm right with the Lord, because I want to go and be with her.

And I want to.

I want to be with the Lord, but I also want to see her.

And the same thing with Les or any of the people that we lose, it's like, okay.

I think that's what makes.

Certain funerals a little bit more challenging.

You know, if.

If you're not sure where a person was, if you're genuinely wondering or even concerned that they did not have that relationship, that makes a funeral a little harder, where you're like, am I gonna see them again?

Yeah.

And that can hurt, you know, although our Lord does promise to comfort us even in that.

And ultimately, we know, you know, he's going to wipe away every tear.

He's going to fill us with that love that just.

Goes beyond anything else.

And so we do have that hope, and we have to hold on to that if we're going to celebrate the love that we have here by mourning.

And you might not think of mourning as celebrating, but it is, because that meant something to you, which is a celebration.

It might not feel like it, but it is.

That love meant something.

You're recognizing that.

The hope is that we don't have to end the celebration and that one day that it will just grow into an even greater one.

And so it's that much more than I hope it does inspire us to.

Let's get back into our scripture.

Let's grab onto the Lord and draw him closer so that one day we will all be together again.

And, you know, and it's.

That's not a crutch.

That is our reality.

That is the hope that goes beyond hope.

And Christ proved that it was possible when he came back to life and showed himself and said, here I am.

That.

That's a moment that should not be discounted.

Our entire faith is based on that.

That he resurrected and showed us that there is something more.

And Paul deals with it.

Romans 8.

I know we've mentioned Romans 8 many times on the show, but Romans 8 is great because that first bit where the first 12 verses or so, he talks about, you know, those who are in the Spirit, you know, because the same Spirit is in us that attached to the Christ, to the Father, the Holy Spirit, you know, our spirit lives on even though this body may die, but doesn't even stop there.

He says that he, he promises in that, in a way, a resurrection of the body.

Because just as the spirit of God that raised Christ's body anew, our bodies can be raised anew.

We have so much to look forward to and we can't lose sight of that.

You know, when we mourn, it should help encourage us to grab onto it that much tighter, that much, that much more, you know.

Yeah.

And you know, I mean we, we've talked with each other well, I mean we've talked about mourning this whole time.

But there's another, there's another set of people out there this, this holiday season that.

That needs, needs the love just as much and that's people who are going through tough times.

Like there's, there's other things that are going on too.

I mean we, I ran into a lady yesterday at Home Depot, right?

Didn't lose her job, but her rent had gone up.

And so in between trying to find a place, they're staying at an extended stay hotel, her and her nine year old daughter.

And she, you know how like when somebody's talking to you and genuinely is just.

Nervous, you know, like they just.

They'Re embarrassed to be asking for help.

They're that, I mean, like, I don't know, I mean I worked with homeless people for a long time and people who.

Some didn't really need the help, you know, but like you could, you could feel it that she was embarrassed to even be asking for help.

But what the little thing that had happened was instead of getting her check.

Yesterday, she was getting it today.

But that would mean that she'd be staying in her car, her nine year old and her would be staying in their car overnight.

And there's people dealing with stuff, man.

Yeah, there's people that are dealing with stuff.

And so if you see something.

Be.

Willing to reach out and help people like love on somebody, you know, be willing to give somebody a hug who's, who's struggling right now with anything, whatever that might be.

I mean we're, we're all going through stuff, you know, and so just be ready and willing to love on people because God's gonna show you those people that that is, that are hurting.

I mean that's what we are here for, is to help those who are hurting and show them the way to him.

Opportunities are everywhere too.

And it can be something so simple.

You know, I can tell you as someone who I have Five kids.

And especially when my kids were younger, you know, there would be times where, you know, you take them all to a store, like, you could take all your kids to Walmart.

And there's gonna be moments where you're like, oh, my gosh, I think I'm gonna lose my mind.

I'm gonna murder.

And I don't know about it, but there's moments where you're just.

You're being tested to your wits.

And there was a time where someone looked over at my wife and said, you're doing a good job, right?

And it meant the whole world to her in that moment.

And sometimes being able to recognize that someone's doing their best, and sometimes it doesn't look like it, sometimes not that it doesn't look like sometimes they feel they can tell that you can tell that they feel that it's beyond them, that they're not there, that they're not doing it.

Something's not right.

And sometimes just reaching out and going, it's okay, means the world.

I remember I became one of the guys that became.

I call him one of my brothers now, definitely in Christ, but my friend Justin, up north, and he wouldn't mind me telling this story, but there was a time he has a lot of kids.

He's got more kids than I. I have five.

He's got like seven or eight or nine.

I don't know.

He's.

I swear, every time I turned around, he was trying to have another one.

But.

There was a day where he came into church and he was running late, you know, you can tell.

And he just looked exasperated, and he was trying to hold it together.

And I just looked at him, right?

And I was just like, in a moment of just, I see you, man.

It's okay.

You got this.

And he later told me, he's like, man, that was it.

That was the moment.

And we became friends after that.

Like, I didn't really know him before that, but I recognized him in that moment.

And what that meant opened up a door for a friendship and ended up doing Bible study with him and some other people for a long time.

And, you know, his family and our family, we spent.

We did things.

And sometimes you never know what the difference is going to make in someone's life just if you're willing to acknowledge them, you know, I see you.

I see you in this moment, and it's okay.

You're going to be fine.

And just those little things.

There's all kinds of little things you can do.

There's a moment where you See a kid who's struggling and you do something.

You, you.

The.

My we.

One time.

I remember.

And this isn't, I'm not trying, I don't want to.

This isn't a bragging thing, but I'm just trying to give you examples of what you can do.

I remember I was in Walmart one time and there was this little lady in front of me and she was in a.

One of them little carts, you know, that you can drive.

And she didn't look like, she looked like she had been through some rough times and she put all her stuff up on the conveyor belt and then when it came down to pay, she didn't have enough for everything.

And so the one thing that she got for herself was this bottle of nail polish.

And she's like, well, put the nail polish back.

And I immediately was like, no.

And I paid for the nail polish.

Yeah, you know, I mean, because like, you know what?

Have it, it's okay.

And I never saw that lady again.

But I can only imagine, like that was the one.

Like everything else you could tell was a necessity.

The one thing that was for her, have something.

Sometimes we need that.

Sometimes being able to do that for someone means the world.

You know, if you want to pay for.

Easiest place to do this is Dunkin Donuts or a drive filler like that, or a coffee line.

Pay for the person's coffee behind you, especially if it's not too big.

You can even ask ahead of time, hey, what'd they get?

Did they get a coffee?

Is it a lot?

You know, if you want to, if you want to just mystery prize, spin the wheel, see what they ordered and just pay for it anyway, go for it.

But like sometimes doing things, just spreading a little extra love, giving people just a little bit of humanity, that weight that we're still holding on to can mean the world.

And you never know when those nice things we do will make a bigger impact than even you thought they could, you know, because you never know when somebody went to that drive through, let's say, let's just give you, for instance, somebody could be scrounging up a few dollars and it's not much, but it's what they have.

And they just want a coffee, right?

And then you go and you pay for them and suddenly they have this, but they also have that thing they needed.

And the difference that can make to somebody sometimes, you know, and we live in an environment where just getting gas can be a life changing decision, you know, so like, you never know, even a few Dollars, how far it can go.

Not just that, but wrap in wrapping up.

Right.

Like, you don't know.

You don't know if somebody's going through something or not.

That's right.

But one thing that.

That.

It seems to happen a lot is that when something like that happens to you, you want to pay it forward.

Yeah.

And a coffee to someone who didn't really need you to buy their coffee could mean groceries for somebody who needed it desperately.

Yeah.

Because that person would then, you know, turn around and maybe they're like, somebody did this for me.

I didn't need it.

Like, I've got the money to do this.

Like, it's not a big deal.

So I'm just gonna pay for these guys groceries, you know, you know, in front of me or whatever that looks like, you know?

And so you don't know how God's money works until you start giving it where he tells you to.

So my encouragement to everybody right now, is that a deal with mourning?

It's totally okay.

To feel the feelings, to reach out to people.

You need people in your life.

Nobody can do this on their own.

It's not possible, and it's not biblical to try to do it on your own.

But also in this time where struggle is real, love somebody.

Love somebody by paying it forward and giving, you know, being generous in whatever way that looks like, whether that's a hug or paying for somebody's coffee or somebody's groceries or a night stay at a hotel or whatever that looks like, just love people.

Up north, we used to call it sir bless, which meant surprise blessing.

Be a surprise blessing.

Give a surprise blessing.

Sir bless people, man.

Will is the one line.

Guy, you're like, the word guy.

You've got a word for everything that's like.

And you're shipping everything, like, all kinds of words, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, I mean, it's the preachers in us, I guess.

Yeah.

You guys are nuts.

So, yeah, if you're going through it, like, post a comment, we'll pray for you, we'll mourn with you, we'll love on you.

But don't.

Don't hold it in and definitely reach out to somebody because you're not alone.

There's lots of people going through stuff.

And.

We definitely are here for you.

Not only us, but remember, Jesus is with you.

And if you're like, but what has he done?

Just listen to his message.

Could be what he's doing.

Don't discount what he could be doing in your life.

He's there with you.

He wants to help you.

He wants to comfort you.

He wants to help you go through this and get to the other side.

And not just that.

Like if you're in, if you're in this community like near us in Lehigh, Lee county, whatever surrounding area and you just need people to love on you Rise Christian Church, whether that's a Sunday morning or Wednesday afternoon, like.

People here are ready and willing to love on people.

So reach out.

You can reach out to us attheTruth responsemail.com youm can comment on YouTube.

I think you can comment on Spotify, but I won't be able to get it.

So don't do that.

I mean, you can do that, but don't do that to try to reach out to me.

Social media, you can do Facebook.

I'm really generally pretty quick about getting back to you on Facebook.

So.

Yeah.

And if you think this message would help anyone that maybe is in that place, send it to him and share it up.

Share it up, man.

That everything's meant to be spread.

So, so, and, and so all that aside, we love you guys.

Happy holidays.

Not in the weird way, but like Happy Thanksgiving, late Merry Christmas, Happy New Year.

Coming up, all of the things.

Let this holiday season be about Jesus.

Yeah.

And helping others.

Love people and that will change the world.

So 15 more.

So many.

15 more subscribers.

Let's do it.

Click the subscribe button and join us.

We need 15 more and that will get us the 100, 100 for the party.

The live.

The live party.

The live recording party.

So we've also got something big to reveal and that would be a good time to do that is at the live recording party.

So it's coming.

Lots of crazy things.

We're working on stuff if you're on our Patreon, we love you.

Thank you for supporting us in that way.

We have some cool new things that hopefully will be coming about and coming out soon on there.

Some new formatting for some of our stuff, transcripts, quick notes, those sorts of things we're working on that somebody showed me recently.

So we're going to be looking into that a little better.

And the support that you guys have poured on us from Patreon, we're gonna be doing some fun upgrades for this next year.

So stay tuned.

Thanks for all you do love somebody.

God bless.

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