Hi, welcome back to the Mother Daughter Relationship Show podcast. Today I am not going to do the intro music. I'm just gonna talk to you 'cause I have an announcement to make. The podcast is now also going to be on YouTube if you want to see my face. So I have started a YouTube channel and. All of the episodes from the podcast are also going to be posted on YouTube so you can see my face if that interests you. Nothing on this side of the podcast, the audio only is going to change. You're still gonna get the weekly uploads and. Show will go on is normal. Nothing new is going to happen on this side, but on the YouTube side, I am going to post the episodes that get uploaded here weekly. They're also going to go to YouTube as well, and so there will be a video component sometimes when I'm listening to podcasts that are both audio and video, I get a little frustrated when I'm listening to the audio and the host will say, if you're watching this on the video, you can see blah, blah, blah. So I am not going to do that to you guys if you remain listening on the audio side on Spotify or Apple Podcast or wherever you're listening to this at. Nothing is going to change. What you get from me will remain the same. You're not gonna get anything better on YouTube that you're not going to get here. All the information will be the same. YouTube is just gonna have visual elements and you can see my face. So you can actually, I don't know, maybe get to know me a little bit differently by actually seeing me talk to you versus just hearing me talk to you. But I'm not going to make you feel like you're missing out on anything if you don't want to watch YouTube, and there's not gonna be extra things that show up on the YouTube version of the podcast that doesn't show up here. So if this is what you enjoy, please continue listening here. That is always an option. But if you wanna see my face, I would love for you to subscribe and get me some views on YouTube as well. That would be awesome. Now because I am going to work to build up the YouTube channel and increase subscribers and get viewership, I am going to post more videos there than will be posted here. So if you want to see more from me or get more content or hear from me more often, the YouTube channel will be the way to do that right now. But my weekly Friday podcast uploads are going to continue without any interruption here. So you never have to go to YouTube if you have no interest in that. But if you do have an interest in hearing from me more often, or just seeing more content from me at this moment as I'm building up the YouTube channel. There are going to be more uploads and more content being posted there. Some of it is going to be me redoing old podcast episodes from here that you've already heard. So some of it might not interest you, but some of it might be brand new content that has not been posted here or maybe won't be posted here depending on what it is. 'cause I think some things won't transfer well to just audio. I'm not sure I have some things in mind, so I'll see how that goes. But if you want to see more of me or hear more of me or see new content that you haven't gotten to, that'll be on the YouTube channel. But also know that some of those uploads are going to be redos of older podcast episodes that if you've been here with me from the beginning, you've already heard. So thank you for being a long time listener. If that is you, and I know there are some of you because I get your emails. But okay, that's enough talking and explaining. If you want to go to the YouTube channel, I am going to leave a link in the show notes, so you can go to that, or you can just search. Brittany Scott, I think it may come up if you just search my name. Um, it's a very brand new channel. There's probably gonna be one video, maybe two once you click over there. So I don't know if you search my name and you'll find it, but I will leave a direct link in the show notes so that you can find it. And without further ado, let's jump into today's episodes on Understanding the Mother Wound and how to heal without your Mom. Your mother doesn't need to change and you waiting for that to happen is probably keeping you stuck. I. If you have a mother wound and you're waiting on your mom to apologize, acknowledge what happened and change, you're slowing down your own healing. I'm Brittney Scott, a licensed therapist that specializes in mother-daughter relationships, and I'm gonna walk you through the steps to heal your mother wound without expecting her to change.

The mother wound, is the emotional and psychological impact of a strained or disconnected mother-daughter relationship. It's an attachment trauma. Meaning there was a disruption in how you were emotionally able to connect to your mom and feel supported by her in your developmental years. No two mother wounds look the same. Some come from moms who were overtly abusive or neglectful, meaning they did on purpose. And some come from moms who didn't overtly abuse their daughters, but a lot of the good stuff was missing, meaning emotional support, showing love, showing trust showing up for her. These things were missing Through years of working with clients, I have found that most mother wounds show up because emotional support was missing. One of the issues with emotional support is what happens when the mom doesn't have her own support system. She gets it from the next best person, her daughter when a daughter becomes an emotional caretaker for her mom, one, she's not getting the support that she needs because she's giving it and she's carrying a heavy burden that should never be placed on a child. I. Before we get into how, I want to explain why I believe heal and mother wound is so important. First, you're breaking generational patterns. By doing this, you're not just transforming your own life. You're changing what gets passed down for the next generation. Next, you're reclaiming your authentic self. The mother wound, teaches us to hide parts of ourself. To prioritize everyone else's needs above our own and to doubt our own perceptions. Healing lets you reclaim the voice that you lost along the way. Next, You'll Be creating healthier relationships, the relationship patterns that we learn in childhood. Also repeat into adulthood When you heal your mother wound, you naturally start attracting and maintaining healthier connections and having better and more joyful relationships. And last, you're developing self trust. One of the biggest losses of the mother wound is disconnection from your inner wisdom, your intuition. Healing restores your ability to trust yourself, your feelings, your perceptions, and your decisions. In my break the cycle workbook, you map out exactly how these patterns show up in your specific material line And figure out what you're actually trying to change. Because you can't break cycles that you can't see. Now let's get into healing your mother wound. The first thing you're going to stop doing is saying Other people had it worse. You don't care. I don't care. We don't care. It really doesn't matter. Stop comparing your trauma to their trauma. Stop comparing your pain or your hurt to theirs. If you're hurt, you're hurt. I don't care who's hurt worse, so you shouldn't care either. Start acknowledging. What you went through and what you experienced and how it affected you. Also, maybe your mom did do her best with what she had. Great. We're happy for her. Wonderful. But that wasn't enough for you. Something still hurt. And so I want you to take the time to acknowledge that and not try and brush it to the side. Here's your action step. If you're willing to go there with me, I want you to write a letter to your younger self, but not just an open random letter to her. I want you to validate her experience. Think about you at a very specific age, and write to her, not just your younger self in general. Think about 8-year-old you, or 15-year-old. You tell her that you know what she went through. Validate it. And what she needed, that she didn't get. Validate the experiences that she had and how it left her feeling, and then let her know that from here on out, you got her. You're not waiting on your mom because you're gonna do it for her. Healing without your mom requires reconnecting to that little girl that was hurt and is probably still hurting today. So after you write this letter to her, I really want you to focus on connecting with that little girl, whatever age you chose. If you have a picture of her, I want you to pull it out. Hopefully you have something. So if you have a picture of her, I want you to get the picture. Healing without your mom really requires connecting back with your inner child, that little girl in you that is still hurting and needed things that she didn't get. This can feel weird and awkward 'cause she's not actually here. She's inside of you, but you're carrying her. So just go there with me. Okay. Your inner child. Probably still needs what all children need. Safety, acceptance, love, validation, and guidance. These are things you may never get from your mom because she also probably didn't get that from her mom. So I want you to now write out how you're gonna give her those things. Basically, how are you gonna give yourself those things? What you missed as a child, you now get to do, I want you to write out how you're going to give yourself acceptance. What does accepting who you are look like? Love, validation, guidance, safety. I want you to figure out how you actually give those things to yourself without needing them to come from your mom. Next, I want you to identify what you need. That question can sometimes be hard because there's so many aspects of life. It's like, what do you mean? What do I need in what area? I, so I want you to think about these categories in your friendships and platonic relationships in your romantic relationships. When it comes to work in your career and just in your everyday life. So for example, in your friendships and platonic relationships, how do you need people to show up for you? How do you desire for people to talk to you? What makes you actually feel safe and comfortable, even if it's a hard conversation in your romantic relationship? Same thing. How do you wanna be taken care of? How do you wanna be cared for? How do you wanna be spoken to? How do you want this person to show up for you? How will you feel loved? Write those things down. Those are all things that you need when it comes to work in your career. What do you need? What's gonna help you not burn out? What boundaries do you need to set around time or. How you show up? Are you in the office? Are you at home? Is it a hybrid situation? Like what do you need when it comes to your career? What's gonna make it feel joyful? What's gonna make you love the work that you do? And when it comes to your everyday life, what do you need? Maybe it's your space at home. You need it to feel calming and relaxing. And when you come home, you need to feel like you can just unwind. That means you need to declutter. Stop bringing home so many things and keep your space peaceful. So that's the next step in healing your mother. One, you've gotta be able to define what you need, and then you need your life to be able to give it to you. So how do you ask for it from friends? How do you make sure that romantic partners know what you want and what you need, and how they need to speak to you, and how they need to care for you and support you? Like what does your voice sound like? How do you ask for these things? And if you don't know what you need, then that means you're not actually asking for these things, and so your needs probably aren't being met inside of your relationships. It's time for you to change that.

And if you're a mom yourself, I wanna talk to you for a second. Part of healing your mother wound is deciding what kind of mom you want to be and learning everything you can to become her. It's not gonna be enough for you to say you'll do the opposite of your mom, or you won't become your mom. Your brain is gonna resort back to what it knows and what it knows about motherhood is how you were mothered. You're gonna have to be very intentional in who you wanna be, how you wanna show up for your own child or children, and what that's going to look like. What are the steps you're going to take and what are you specifically going to change? There may be disappointments along the way of realizing you can show up for your children in this way, but your mother couldn't do it for you. But don't stop there. Even when that comes up, keep working through it. Prove to yourself that motherhood can be different and look different, and then give that to yourself and to your children. Your children are gonna tell a different story because you're gonna create a different story for them. Next, you're gonna focus on creating and enforcing healthy boundaries that keep you safe. If you have a mother wound, you likely learned that your needs didn't really matter and so they were ignored and you never learned how to set a boundary or what it feels like for somebody to respect yours. A lot of people hear the word boundaries and think, I just need to learn how to say no. And please know that that is a very small part of boundaries. Boundaries are healthy limits that allow for genuine connection and healthy relationships with other people. Boundaries are about good relationships. They're not about saying no and they're not about keeping people out. So when you're thinking about a boundary, I want you to start small. Identify one area where you need a boundary, and then work to create it. So for example, maybe it's saying no to additional commitments. What would the wording around that sound like? How will you say no? So I want you to start small. I want you to identify one area where you need a boundary. Something like saying no to extra commitments because you have too much on your plate already needing alone time and figuring out how to set that up and create boundaries around your day or around your schedule to actually build in that alone time needing to actually go to bed on time because you're really tired in the morning and throughout the day. So you set a boundary with yourself around screen time Or needing somebody to speak to differently because when conflict arises and you have to have a discussion, how they're speaking to you makes you feel unsafe or makes you want to run, or just makes you wanna leave the conversation. So what do you need in order to have that conversation and finish it out? What is the boundary that's gonna keep you safe? Now there are three lanes to healing the mother wound. You're going to reconnect your relationship with your mom. You are going to be completely estranged, no contact, and you're gonna have to heal from that grief and create tight boundaries, or you're gonna stay in the relationship even though it's not as healthy as you would like it to be, but you're gonna learn how to create. Healthy boundaries and enforce them in the way that you need to. That way you can remain in relationship with your mom, but not continue to be hurt by her. And option number three might be chosen because going no contact is too hard. Or if you go no contact with your mom, you might lose more of your family members and you're sticking around because you want access to the rest of the family. Which lane you pick is all dependent on what your relationship looks like with your mom, what you need from it, and how you're going to heal your own mother wound. That is what I have for you today. Again, thank you for being here and being a listener and supporting me on this journey as I just create more content for you and create more free things to help you heal and just help you along this journey. I will catch you in the next one. That's all for today's episode of the Mother-Daughter Relationship Show. Thanks so much for spending this time with me. I hope you picked up some valuable insights that you can start using right away in your own relationship to create deeper connection and understanding. If something from today's episode resonated with you, don't keep it to yourself. Share it with the mother or daughter in your life who needs to hear this message. And while you're at it, please consider leaving a rating. And review so we can reach more families and transform the way mothers and daughters relate to each other. For those ready to take the next step, you can visit my website to learn more about my private coaching programs and my program designed specifically for mother-daughter pairs. Whether you're dealing with communication challenges, life transitions, or just wanna strengthen an already good relationship, I'm here to help. Thank you so much for listening. I'll see you in the next one.