<Affirmative>. Recently I

received a question, <laugh>.

I'm sure that it's not unlike some other

mothers that are facing the challenges

of raising children,

but she was saying that,

I regret having my child now <laugh>.

And I don't feel like I'm just a natural

mother and it's really struggling with

this and I'm, you know,

I'm really torn between what

to do about having my child.

And I have actually had clients that

have consulted with me on this one and

I explained to a female

that is facing this,

that, or mother that's facing this,

that if you don't see how the

responsibilities of being

a mother are helping you

fulfill what's deeply meaningful to

you, what's most important to you,

then you're going to feel this way,

and you're going be going through life,

comparing your current reality, which you

perceive to be stressful, challenging,

depressing, to a fantasy about

how you think it should be.

Anytime we compare our current

world to how we fantasize it to be,

we're not going to appreciate our

life. Appreciate what's happening.

So the first thing I would do

is write down all the things,

all the accountabilities that are

put upon you by being the mother,

and there's a lot, write them all down,

all the things that

you feel uninspired by.

I'm sure that some things may not

feel so uninspiring and others will,

but list them all.

List them according to the

ones that are more meaningful,

down to the least meaningful and

frustrating. And then ask the question.

And don't deny the answer. Don't

pretend like you can't come up with it.

And you have to neuroplastically

remodel the way you think by asking,

how specifically is doing

this action, at least for now,

at this phase, helping me fulfill

what is deeply meaningful?

Now,

if for some reason you haven't identified

what your current highest values are,

please go on my website, drdemartini.com

and do the complimentary private

Value Determination process,

and go through and answer

that as honestly as you can,

to see what your life is demonstrating

that's most important to you. Then ask,

how specifically are these

responsibilities of raising my child,

helping me fulfill that? And don't

say it's not, because if you're not,

you're going to stay stuck and you're

going to be angry at your situation.

Go and find the links. It's

not what happens to us.

It's not what we're experiencing.

It's our perception of it.

So if we can go and find out how it's

helping us fulfill what we would love to

do in life, we're less

distressed by it. Now,

if you have a career path and

you have the capacity to earn

more

income by doing other things

than doing what you're doing,

and you could generate more income

enough to delegate some of these

accountabilities to, you

know, a nanny or an au pair,

then you could take some of those

responsibilities and get assistance.

There's no reason why you

have to do everything.

You don't have to be the tofu

mama supermom kind of thing.

You can delegate some of those things

and work and make an income to cover

that, that might buy you some freedom.

I know that many mothers who

are working have assistance

and they pay those assistance and they

make more money than the cost of that,

so it comes out ahead,

and then they have some of the duties

that are normally with the child partly

disseminated and delegated, which

allows them a little bit more freedom.

So either go and do what you love

through delegating or love what

you do through linking,

by asking how specifically is doing

this job until I can find somebody to

delegate it to, how is it helping

me fulfill what is meaningful to me?

And start linking it and finding

it. And don't say you can't find it.

I have people that want to rant and

run and be victim of history instead of

master of death. If you

want to master your life,

you want to find out how whatever's

happening, whatever you're doing,

until you can delegate it, is helping

you get what you want. Because it is,

if you take the time to

link it. And I assure you,

I've not seen anything

that can't be linked,

so take the time to dig and find

it. It will change your perspective.

It reduce the distress levels

and make you less frustrated and

allow you to appreciate your child.

And then if you stop and reflect

every day that you're not appreciating

your child is a day you're

actually adding more chaos to

your dynamic,

because the child can sense

that and wise to realize that

this immediate gratifying need

of not doing that may cost

you in the long run.

So it might be wise to just take the

time and find out how specifically these

responsibilities are helping you

do what you love. Or delegate it.

And there's nothing you know,

disrespectful or un mother like

to delegate some of those things.

I don't know of a lot of mothers that

dream about shopping at the grocery store

or cleaning rooms or fixing

diapers all the time, so,

you know, there's no harm

in having somebody help you.

And there's people out there that can

specialize in that do a great job and you

can get on with doing something that is

meaningful and not judge yourself for,

you know, being a part

working mom and part mom.

But don't sit there and beat

yourself up about it. Don't

judge that you're not feeling like

a mother. Because I am sure that

most mothers,

when they have some items of activity

that they don't necessarily love doing

when they have a child, they probably

feel that way. That's not uncommon.

But either go do what you love through

delegating or love what you're doing

through linking at least temporarily

until you can delegate it.

And some of these

activities are transient,

and you'll look back and even

though they seem to be burdening,

they may be something

comical in the future.

You can have some good laughs

about what you went through. But,

find out how whatever the

responsibilities are, are helping you,

because it's about perception.

It's not what happens to us,

it's about how we perceive

what happens to us.

And we have the capacity

to change our perception.

But stack up the benefits

of how it's doing it.

And don't stop until you get a tier of

gratitude for the opportunity to do what

you're doing. And then

delegate what you can,

and get on with doing something

that is most meaningful to you,

that produces more income than the cost.

And stack up and on a daily basis,

document what you're grateful for,

for the opportunity,

because there are going to be benefits

of having the child that you may not

foresee now, but as the days,

weeks, months and years go on,

they will emerge.

And so if you may have get some assistance

from people who are farther along the

line to find out what those blessings are,

and then you might get the

help from those people too.

And don't be afraid to ask

for people to assist you.

There's nothing harmful about that.

You may have loved ones that love to

spend time with children and help out,

grandparents, best friends,

sometimes they can help you.

And between the help of friends and

loved ones and the help of au pair and

nannies and daycare centers

and the delegation process

and the working, you can come up with

something that's reasonable. But,

if you don't <laugh>,

I mean if you want to give your child

up and go to allow it to have foster and

all that, that's always an option too.

But you may end up finding out that that's

got as many challenges as what you're

facing now.

So my advice is to first find out

how whatever you're doing and what

responsibilities you have,

how's it helping you fulfill

what's meaningful to you?

Go and do the Value Determination.

Find out what's priority. Link it.

If you need assistance contact

our office and we can find some

facilitators that can assist you in

doing it. There's a fee for that,

but they can help you do that and then

reduce the burden that you're facing.

Because It's all perceptual and you have

the command over your perceptions and

you can make new associations

neuroplastically in your

brain and find out how

things are on the way, not in the way.