Welcome back to Become a Calm Mama. I'm your host. I'm Darlyn

Childress. I'm a life and parenting coach, and this episode

is coming out on Thanksgiving Day. And I thought it was

appropriate to talk a little bit about gratitude, especially

because the last few episodes I've been talking about

cognitive behavioral therapy and mindset. And really the

idea that what you focus on is what you create more

of. So if you focus on things that are positive and bring

you joy and bring you delight and make you feel good, then you're

going to feel better in your life. You're gonna feel more positive. You're gonna feel

more delight. And if you focus on things that are negative, worst case

scenario catastrophizing, you're gonna end up feeling

this, you know, sad and disappointed and negative.

Now, of course, we can't always mindset our way

out of negative emotion, nor would I want you to. I never want you to

bypass or avoid feeling something. If you

are feeling something, then feel it. But you can get

curious about where that feeling is coming from. What are the

thoughts that you have in your head that are creating that emotion

and kind of playing around with those thoughts? So because we've been

talking about that the last few episodes and then today is Thanksgiving, I wanted to

talk about gratitude and how powerful it is

to focus on things we're grateful for because it then

makes us feel more content in our life.

Instead of chasing after something new, better, different,

more, we can learn to appreciate the things we

have, and we will feel more content and

settled in our life, which is what I'm sure you want

for your children because you want them to be able to

feel content. Now we're heading into the holiday

season, and there's wish lists and depends on

what holiday you celebrate. But if you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah, your

children are thinking about gifts. I've talked before about

how kids naturally have a lot of desire and that that desire is

okay and that it's okay for them to want things. It's okay for

them to ask for things. And then, of course, it's okay for them to not

get those things and feel disappointed and sad. Just like you are

entitled to want new things and want stuff. Desire is

never a problem. What happens though for us as parents

is we get worried that our kids are going to be spoiled, entitled,

and always wanting, wanting, wanting. So the antidote

to that is gratitude. That's why I wanted to give you a

really simple exercise that you can do with your kids that

makes gratitude interesting and fun for them. I don't know

about fun, but it is fun, I think. Okay. So I'm gonna give you the

strategy that you can employ with your kids this weekend. You don't have to do

it today. And then I'm also gonna end

this episode with a gratitude meditation that I'm inviting

you to do on your own. So if this isn't a good time for you,

you're not in a good place where you can sit or you're out for a

walk by yourself and you have me in your headphones, if that's where you're

at right now, great. But if you're in the middle of, like, cooking dinner and

da da da da and, you know, taking care of children, this might not you

might need to pause and come back to the backside of the episode. But the

first part, I think you're gonna love it, and then I'm gonna do the meditation

at the end. So that's sort of the layout of this episode. Okay.

Here is a very simple family gratitude practice

that should be really kind of interesting for your family. Here's how it

goes. Obviously, a lot of times during the holiday season, we have

kids make wish lists. I don't mean obviously. I guess not for not everybody.

But for most people, they say to their kids, what's on your wish list? What

do you want for Christmas? Or what do you want for Hanukkah? And they make

a list. Right? They look at the Amazon catalog or they

scroll around at Target or whatever you do, and, you know, or

they're at another friend's house, they see a fun toy, or they see something that

they want, and they are, you know, making their wish list.

Okay? Love wish list. Think they're really great. They're helpful for

grandparents and aunts and uncles and all of that. So

have your kids make their wish list, all the things that they want.

Then after they're done with that, what you'll do is you'll

say, okay, now I want you to make a list of things that

you used to want that you now have,

helping them remember that they used to want

this certain stuffed animal or they used to want this sticker book or they

used to want this doll or Lego set or

certain kind of shoes or a tutu or Disney princess

costume or whatever it is. Right? They used to want a bike. They used to

want a scooter. They used to want a new

whatever. Right? A new video game. I don't know. Whatever

they your kids have lot wanted lots and lots of things. Right? And you've given

them lots and lots of things, but it's so easy to forget

that we already have things that we used to want.

So I love this exercise. I actually do this

gratitude practice with myself all the time. So

I make a big long list of, like, dreams or bucket lists or

wish lists, stuff that I kinda wanna create for myself

goals. And I do that, and I challenge myself to really think

big and dream and all of those things. Like, one of them is, like,

go to, on a safari in Africa. I really

wanna do that. So that's on my wish list or my bucket list. But then

it's really cool if I look at my

life. And I think what are things that I used to want that I

now have? Like, I always really wanted to have a house

with a swimming pool. And I have that. I always really

wanted to take Sawyer to Paris. And I did that. I

really wanted to be able to pay for a car with the my own

money that I made from my business, and I did that. So I've

had goals that I wanted to achieve. I really wanted a podcast,

and now I have one. It's so cool. And I feel really

grateful for this podcast. I feel really grateful for that car that actually now my

son drives. So really grateful for the swimming pool and all the memories that we've

had. I live in Southern California. It's very hot where we live. It's been

very, very good to have a swimming pool. I feel really grateful

for all the things that I have now.

And I'm actually even in gratitude for the things that are coming

into my life. And this gratitude

practice is being okay with desire, being

okay with wish list, being okay with wants. And then

also looking at what you used to want and then

being grateful for those things. So I would love for you to encourage your

kids to do that this year. When they make their wish list, you don't have

to, like, tell them like, oh, and after you do that, we're gonna make you

do it this other list. Right? Just have them make their wish list, and then

you can start talking about it. If they can't write things down, they're too little,

that's okay. You just ask them. Do you guys remember what you

wanted for your birthday? Did you get it?

Isn't that amazing that you used to want something, and now you have it? Do

you still love it? Are you glad you have it? Do

you remember what you used to want during the winter holidays last year?

Yeah. What were on your what was on your wish list? What's fascinating is a

lot of times kids don't even remember that they used to want something and that

they have it. So we want to cultivate that ability to reflect and be

grateful. So this is a question you could ask if you're

listening to this on Thanksgiving morning. You could ask that

question of the table. What's something you used to want that

you now have that you're grateful you have now? It doesn't

have to be a thing like a car. It'd be

an experience or a relationship or an opportunity.

It kind of helps the brain think things slightly differently. So I

love that it's super simple and it really does kind of

bring in more gratitude in your life. So please, please, please try

that out. Now, I wanted to

do that gratitude meditation. And so like I said, if

you are in a place, you're out for a walk by yourself or you're you

can do this while you're, like, cooking dinner if your headphones are in, but there's

no one around. Like, you can really kinda get into this sort of gratitude

headspace. Awesome. If you can't, no problem. I

will see you in the next episode, or you can come back to this

and listen to this another time. All good. Okay. So

those of us who are here, those of us are ready. I'm gonna go

ahead and read through this gratitude meditation. I'm not

gonna be super meditative, but I just wanna give you an

ability to get your help yourself into this headspace of

gratitude. Okay. So here we go.

Let's begin this practice of gratitude by just noticing something

simple that you're experiencing right now. If you're

out for a walk, it could be the sight of a tree swaying gently in

the wind or feeling a warm cup of tea in your hands.

If you are, you know, in a place where it's cold, you could be looking

out the window and noticing the the ways that the trees or

the leaves look. Feeling the warmth of

sunlight in your on your skin. If you're in a place that has a little

bit of sun today, maybe the experience of comfort from the chair

that you're sitting on or the simple wonder of just pausing right

now in the middle of your busy life to engage with this practice

right now. So I want you to choose one simple thing to notice

in this moment and allow it to fully absorb

into your experience and let that appreciation and gratitude arise

and fill your body. Just be really joyful and appreciative

of the thing that you're feeling now or seeing

now or experiencing right now.

Okay. Now we're gonna switch a little bit. We're gonna reflect

on someone that you don't know very well who has

who has supported your experience today in some

way. So it could be the person who

stacked the vegetables at the grocery store, the

person who raised that turkey. If you're cooking a turkey today,

it could be someone this week who took care of your kids, the campus aid

at your child's school that you don't know very well, or the author of the

book that you're reading right now. Just reflect on

someone that you don't know very well who's ex who has supported your experience

today. It could be me if you want to. Anybody who's

connected to you that you don't know very well, but that you feel supported

by. I used to feel very grateful for the person

who invented Cheerios because I felt so grateful

that somebody made Cheerios and my kid always had this snack that I

could hand to him. So giving yourself

that ability to appreciate how

you've benefited from the gift of someone else's work

and feel that appreciation and that gratitude.

Now think about the tools that support your

work in your life. Tools like the headphones

you're listening to, the phone that was created that

connects you with me, the books that you

read, your air fryer that makes chicken nuggets really fast,

the washer and dryer that you have in your house or hot

running water, or even just the building.

Somebody built that building. Think about all the

things that you have in your life right now

that either somebody built or there is a tool that somebody invented,

consider all the things that was needed to create that thing,

to have what you have and think about how much you

benefit from those tools

in your work is feeling appreciation and gratitude

that you have access to some of these things.

Now, let's feel gratitude for the people

who you work and you live with, particularly thinking of maybe someone

who whose work or effort directly supports your life, like

your child's teacher, the after school caregiver, the

preschool aid, the housekeeper, the babysitter,

appreciating the contribution and their good

intention. And just say right now in your mind, thank you.

Thank you to your child's teacher. Thank

you to the caregiver. Thank you to the

people who support your life.

Now bring divine someone who you really care about, someone who makes your

heart sing in some way and picture them in your mind.

Think about what this person means to you, what you appreciate about

them, who they are, all the things you've experienced together

and the impact that they've had on your life.

Just as you're thinking of them, notice what feelings

you're experiencing, what sensations you detect in your

body, especially those in the area around your heart.

And let yourself express gratitude towards that individual,

the person who has really impacted your life in a positive

way. And thank them for being who they are and

for their presence in your life. Imagine them receiving your

gratitude and feeling it. Now

bring to mind something in particular that you're grateful for

today. Something that made a difference to you or that you

especially noticed. Perhaps it was a smile of someone

at the market this morning or out on your walk.

Someone's kind words or a selfless action,

feel the appreciation and gratitude you have for the presence

of that thing or that person or that experience in your day to

day. Maybe it was your child who

was warm and gave you a big morning hug and kiss and said, I love

you, mama. Maybe it was a partner who said, do

you need any help today? Think about something

particular that you're grateful for today and

bring this to your mind and allow yourself to

rest in this experience of gratitude.

Expanding this feeling of gratitude for your body,

for your mind, gratitude for the simple fact of being

alive in this moment, and then appreciating

the opportunity to pause and experience this very practice

of gratitude, giving yourself some gratitude and

appreciation for taking time to listen

and connect with things in your life and people in your life

and tools and experiences that make your life

feel more and more beautiful and

wonderful. Think of all the countless

gifts in your life and say, thank you. Thank you to

all the people and all that is around you and

all that is part of you for all that you've experienced

in your life. For all of it, say thank you

and allow the sense of gratitude, fill you completely. As you breathe

in and then breathe out.

Settling your mind on your breath here and now fully alive

and present in this moment. Finish with a

full deep breath in

and a long slow breath out.

If you've had your eyes closed, go ahead and open them. If

you have just been walking, go ahead and connect back

to your surroundings and move your body a little bit and kind of

connect back from where you have been in your heart and in

your head. And just back into this moment.

I would like to just acknowledge and honor how grateful

I am to you, to the person who's listening

to this, the person who appreciates my work and for the

opportunity that you're listening gives me

to share the things that I've learned and the things that I've

experienced and the areas that I've grown in and giving

me the opportunity, this platform to connect with you. I'm

grateful. I'm grateful for podcasting. I'm grateful

for, having had a really difficult experience as

a mom and being able to connect with other moms and help

you make your life a little bit easier and a little

bit more calm. So I'm grateful for

you, and I hope this practice was really helpful for you. And I wish

you just a wonderful day of gratitude.