Welcome to episode number 28 of Evolving Potential.

I'm here today with Clifford Starks.

Clifford is a former UFC fighter who started his career here in Arizona, where we both live, actually, through a promotion called Rage in the Cage, and after just two years in a 70 record, made his way into the UFC, where just two weeks later, he stepped in for an injured fighter and made his debut against a dusty Dustin Jacoby and won.

Since then, he's bounced around between Bellator Shark fights and the World Series of Fighting, while managing a family and a business.

Now Clifford is into executive coaching.

Now he does speaking, and he's also the author of a couple books, most recently of which is the fighters formula.

And I love what Clifford is doing, so thank you for being here with me, man.

We.

We met in person.

I was grateful enough to be in your energy, and I would have honestly never known you're a UFC fighter.

So, yeah, not.

Not.

Your body's there.

The body's there for sure.

I don't want to get.

I don't want to get it twisted, but, you know, the vibe, I was like, what the hell?

Like, ufc?

That's crazy.

Let's talk about that.

Differentiate there.

Were you always this kind of person and then was a different person in the cage, or were you.

Or were you just like, you know, a harder person back then?

Yeah, that's a great question.

What I would say is I am both in life because I know we.

We both are very fond of high achievers, and a high achiever is someone who knows how to turn on different light switches, you know, because everything's going to have different places, different, different spaces.

And what I loved about fighting so much is it allowed me to bring out my competitive side in a very healthy way because we both got to sign contracts.

It wasn't like I just jumped on someone from behind.

We both knew what we were getting into, and I got to see a little bit of violence early on on my journey, and I didn't want to be a violent person.

You know, like, I've never hit anyone outside of a cage because, one, I don't want to, and two, I think there's more conducive ways to handle conflict than beating each other up.

Absolutely.

And so now, having been in this executive coaching role, how have you found yourself able to connect those two worlds together?

You talked about high achievers.

How have you kind of transitioned out of sports?

We'll get into some of the specific stories, but I'm just kind of jump around here real quick, you know, from Back then to.

To what you're doing now.

Absolutely.

So what I.

What I started learning was the game never changed, just the players in the game changed.

So life comes down to making decisions.

And as you.

You play higher and higher, the more intentional you have to be with the decisions that you make, because it can lead to costly consequences.

Yeah.

So there's.

There's nothing like stepping inside of an arena and being really, really present, because if you're not present, you're going to get a kick to the face or punch to the nose and something's not going to be good.

Business is quite the same.

If you are not paying attention and being intentional, things could go sideways really, really fast.

Man, that's crazy.

And so.

And so you feel like that sort of pressure and being able to make good decisions under pressure is something that you could help people really kind of focus in on, right?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

And so now I'm curious, you know, going back into you being eight.

No.

And.

And being in front of this big stage in Vegas and.

And losing.

I don't know what kind of a moment that might have been for you.

I don't know if you even went into the ring with a fear of losing, of.

Of.

I'm kind of curious, you know, where your mind is at with, like, okay, an undefeated record.

You know, are you scared to.

To.

To lose that?

Were you going into that with a fear of failure in any way or.

Or what was your mindset there and what was your mindset afterwards?

So my mindset is there.

There's a saying.

Champions know one thing that most people don't know, and that is that a champion like anybody else, sometimes it's my time, sometimes it's not my time.

And ultimately, all I can do is just give my best in the time that I'm giving it.

And so when I.

When I went out there, there was the nerves.

There was the nervousness, there's the excitement, there's the ups and downs of all of it.

And staying in that really excited space.

I felt so damn good in the fight, like everything was going my way.

And ironically enough, sometimes those are the fights there.

Those are the ones that I lost.

Because when everything's going your way, you don't think you have to worry about anything.

And that's what you got to worry the most.

So I'm like, I'm beating the crap out of Ed Herman.

Things are going perfectly.

I'm like, this is freaking awesome.

This is great.

I'm pushing them on the cage.

My coach is yelling, get off the cage.

Get off the cage.

I gotta send the bag.

And then all of a sudden, I'm getting flipped over, looking at the lights like, oh, crap.

Oh, my God, that's good.

I go to turnover, he takes my back, he gets a great choke in.

And my night, that was supposed to be my night, ends up being his night.

And so there.

There's that moment of.

I was like, that freaking sucked.

But you live and you learn.

And so I go into a kind of you live and you learn mentality.

You asked me about my mindset.

I've actually been in personal development since I was 19.

So I was really, really.

Calmness, patience, peace, discipline.

Those were all very important to me.

And as you go through life, you get to see if you are those things or if you're not those things.

And I would happily say that I was those things because I practice being those things.

I think anyone can become what they want if they practice it enough.

Dang.

With that being said, then, and that sort of mindset going into the sport, do you feel like you have any stories that come to mind of people you saw that really just didn't have those tools in place and maybe had all the skills and abilities, but didn't really have the mindset and kind of fizzled out or struggled real bad in certain ways?

I. I saw one guy, he had potential, like Jon Bones Jones, I kid you not.

Oh, geez.

Like, just a long, strong, super strong, super fast, super powerful, super undisciplined.

Like I never seen.

I had never seen anyone have all of those gifts.

And then just kind of like.

And sometimes when we're super gifted, that can be a blessing and a curse, because I remember he was going to do his.

His first amateur fight, and then he didn't end up doing that, but he ended up taking a pro fight with a very dangerous pro.

Like, this was an ex football player.

And football players have just quick twitch muscle fibers.

They will mess you up if you don't know what you're doing.

And he's telling me about.

He's like, yeah, I'm taking a fight.

I'm like, who you fighting?

And he tells me about this NFL product.

Like, probably shouldn't take that fight right out the gate.

Like, that's probably not the best thing to do.

And he goes, the ferocity.

I got, the intensity.

I'm ready to go.

And I'm like, oh, crap.

He's just talking.

He's talking himself up.

Like, that's not good.

That's not good.

Like, if you don't train if you don't prepare, because there's a saying, lucky and preparation and opportunity meet.

Well, he wasn't prepared.

All I asked him.

I go, hey, I haven't seen you for a couple months.

Have you been training anywhere?

Yeah, I've been training in my friend's garage.

And I'm like, oh, crap.

Like, okay.

Have you been doing any conditioning or anything?

Like, no, not really.

I don't like to run that much.

And, like, dude, you're gonna die.

Like, you are about to die.

What are you doing?

And he asked me to corner him, and there was no way.

Like, I go, dude, I. I can't corner you in a situation like this.

Like, I would feel wrong to do something like this for me, for you, and for the person you're getting ready to fight, you're gonna get hurt.

And he ends up taking the fight.

He ends up.

I end up seeing him take the fight, and he's.

He's walking down, gets in the cage.

The.

The football player gets in the cage, and bell rings, dude, 15 seconds in.

15 seconds eats the mean, right?

Boom, he's out.

And I see the whole crowd erupting.

Yeah.

And I'm like.

I'm trying to stand up to make sure he's okay.

He's out for, like, a good minute.

Like, a minute.

And I'm just like, that sucks.

Like, he.

And I end up seeing him afterwards.

He clumped.

He comes up, hey, I got that one out of the way.

Oh, yeah, you did.

He goes, I'll see you next week.

Okay.

In my head, I was saying, you're never going to see me again because your adrenaline is going right now.

You don't realize how much pain you're going to be in tomorrow.

And your body's never going to want to do this again, ever.

It's too much, too much, too soon.

And guess what?

I was right.

Haven't seen him since, never came back.

And.

And that's where you.

You look at a situation.

Our minds want to do things right away.

Like, they want to just be great instantly.

Like, I. I got instant gratification.

Yeah.

And it is.

It is the most dangerous thing to do.

And it's even more dangerous when you.

Like, there's a part of me that respects him for jumping in and a part of me that doesn't for how he jumped in.

It was the worst possible thing to do.

And they say, like, yeah, entrepreneurs, they have to jump out of the plane and then build a parachute.

Like, no, because if you fall that hard, then you're dead, then you're no more.

You're not there anymore.

Like, it's not that simple.

And people look at high achievers as like, no, I don't think, I don't think they did that.

I think they had a plan and the plan didn't go to plan, but they had something.

They had a strategy in place.

They, they weren't just like, oh, well, let me just give this a try.

Let me see what happens.

Like, because what will definitely happen is the worst thing every time you plan like that.

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

And so, and so if you could go back now with that guy and kind of give him some, some advice.

If you, if you, if, like he was totally receptive.

It was like, hey man, you know, like, I know I've been undisciplined, I know I've been slacking off, you know, like, but I want to take this fight seriously now.

Like, how might you have coached an open minded person?

You know, I don't know what he.

Everyone's different obviously.

So, you know, maybe we get a little vague here.

But so definitely not to take that too dangerous of a fight too early on.

I actually like, don't take that fight.

There's an A side and there's a B side and if you're gonna be on the B side, don't be on the complete downside, which is like that there's levels to this game.

Yeah, completely just, you're about to get crushed.

And I've been on the A side and I've been on the B side and I've lived to tell the tell and I've lived to feel comfortable enough to come back into the cage.

But I fought a guy who was on the B side and I was on the A side.

And this was ridiculous.

Like, it was a ridiculous fight for this kid to take.

I had been an ASU wrestler, I'd been wrestling all my life.

I'd been a high level athlete.

I'd been doing all these things.

He's on his first fight ever.

Never done anything athletic before, never done anything in grappling or martial arts before.

And he's like, oh, I'll fight this Clifford guy.

And so we were both oh and oh.

But it wasn't like a regular oh and oh.

It was like, this person has all of these disciplines.

This person has no disciplines.

And I ended up, I destroyed him so badly and I didn't even know, like I, I knew I beat him up good.

I didn't know how good I beat him up.

But his coach Comes in my second fight.

He's like, hey, you remember me?

I'm like, yeah, I fought your guy.

I'm like, how's he doing, by the way?

He goes, oh, yeah, you retired him.

I go, what?

What happened?

He goes, dude, you broke his orbital.

You broke three of his ribs.

Like, he was like, he did not want to.

He didn't want any of it after that.

And so I go, like, if I'm gonna talk to him again, back or anybody know where you're at, and start, Start small.

Always start small.

Don't try and eat the whole thing at once.

And this happens.

It shows up humanistically all the time.

Why are New Year's resolutions never complete?

Like, why don't those ever.

Like, when are we going to get a hundred percent success rate on a New Year's resolution?

And no one ever asked, well, why doesn't that work?

Well, because you don't have enough desire.

You don't have this.

You got to be motivated.

You gotta.

No, you just have to start small.

Everyone tries to start too damn big.

And so they start really big at something, and then their mind takes them out of the game by going, like, yeah, we're not doing this anymore.

Yeah.

So you got people who want to do big things but are not willing to do the small steps along the way to get themselves there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Or not even.

Because I. I go.

It's a. I go, you know what?

Everyone's doing the best that they can, and they don't know what they don't know.

So the small steps lead to the bigger steps.

Because, yeah, the big steps.

I'll be the first to admit, I want the really big steps.

I'm not looking for just the small steps.

I just know the small steps lead to the big steps.

That's the only thing it is.

So I go, all right, these are going to build the momentum, and with the momentum, I build acceleration.

And this is going to be really, really cool.

See, that's powerful mindset.

And so now with you taking baby steps out of sports and into business, into coaching, what were some of those things that you have experienced and learned along the way?

You know, in branding yourself, you can kind of.

This gives you a lot of room to talk, you know, some of the things you've learned, how to.

How to position yourself, how to brand yourself.

Yeah, just how to help people with your knowledge.

The biggest thing that I want to share with everybody is the willingness to look at yourself and see who you are and then have the willingness to discover yourself And I say to discover yourself, because whenever you're doing something that's new or different, you're not going to do it perfectly.

Just doesn't happen.

And that's okay.

You're.

You're.

You're perfect in the moment that you're doing it, because you're doing it.

But you're gonna learn as you're going through it, you're gonna learn something.

And so you're gonna learn, okay, am I really good at this?

Am I not so good at this?

Am I average at this?

Do I even like this?

Do I hate this?

Why do I like it?

Why do I hate it?

Is this mentor giving me the right advice?

Is this mentor giving me the wrong advice?

Am I asking the right questions to make sure I have the right person to guide me?

What is this person's intentions?

Like, there's so many questions.

There's so much stuff.

So when you take action, the biggest things that I've learned in business, just like a basketball player has to learn how to bounce a basketball and play offense and defense.

This is what I learned in entrepreneurship.

Figure out how to market, sell, and negotiate.

Figure those three things out.

Because when you figure those three things out, you always have a chance.

If you don't have those things, those three things in place, life can get very, very hairy.

Very, very quick.

Me.

And so you went into deciding you wanted to do coaching.

What was the kind of thinking behind that?

And obviously, like, coming out of sports, you could have gone any direction.

And I know with the history and personal development, it makes perfect sense.

But, you know, what was the thinking behind I'm going to coach people, and this is what I'm gonna do, and I'm gonna start a business around it.

And obviously not.

I don't know.

You.

You had a. I think you had a business degree, right?

Or could it say kinesiology?

Oh, I. I never got a business degree, so I was in kinesiology.

Okay.

Okay.

Study of movement.

And then I was in personal training.

Jeff Fagan was my coach and mentor for a very long time, and he still is for me.

Honestly, everyone just kept calling me coach.

So since everyone was calling me this thing, I'm like, well, I guess I should probably get certified in this if everyone's going to call me this.

So I got certified in it, and I realized, like, holy crap, I've been doing it since I was a kid.

Like, it's.

There's certain things.

Iron Mike Tyson was a beast when he was a young kid.

Like, he just knew he was going to be great at what he did.

And then when customato got to him, he's like, I'm going to make this kid a world champion.

Heck, yeah.

And so there's certain things that about us that show up, and we just got to ask people.

We got to be willing to ask people, hey, what do you like about me?

What do you hate about me?

Because when we know those answers, then we can do something about it.

If we like what we like, it's like, oh, okay, well, maybe I'll go this path.

If we don't like it, then we're like, okay, where do I need to change?

And so what.

What made me a really good coach?

My ability to ask questions and my ability to ask questions people aren't used to being asked.

Because I like high achievers for that very reason.

Like, high achievers like being called on their crap because it helps them move forward faster.

Like, they love it.

It's funny because the high achievers love that, and the low achievers not so much.

But I'm not going to completely get into that.

But as I'm looking at it, I go, okay, I asked questions.

I asked the question.

Tough questions.

And I do it from a caring space.

You know, I really, really care about who I work with and who I don't.

I go, oh, it makes a lot of sense because we only want to talk to people who are actually going to give us something that's constructive to work with.

We don't like feeling like crap.

Like, no one raises their hand to be like, can I.

If you could just make me feel lesser than and unworthy, I would love that.

So can I.

Can I get some of that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, most people aren't going to do very, very well in that kind of stuff.

So as I.

As I was going through the journey, we all have crap, and we all don't like letting people know that we have crap.

It's very interesting.

And that's where I started noticing, like, oh, wow, The.

The way that I care about people and I actually listen to people and I actually look for a solution instead of pointing at it and going like, oh, you got crap.

Like, don't worry, I do too.

Yeah.

So if I'm too busy pointing at someone else's, then I really quickly forget that I have my own as well, you know?

And when I have the ability to be like, I have mine, they have theirs, and I can help them with theirs, and I.

And I have coaches who help me with mine, you know, that's just a process that's that's part of the process.

And I'm like, wow.

Like, wow.

Like, no wonder I. I love this game so much because I love.

I love being the person to serve people, and I love serving people because I know what it feels like to be served.

Like, I know what it feels like to raise my hand in that big crowd and have everyone sharing your name.

Like, that's cool.

That's cool.

Now, if you said, like, hey, did you love running those mountains to the point you were sore and you could almost taste your own blood, like, no, I. I didn't particularly love that, but I love the result that it got me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Geez, that's crazy.

And so that's something that you've been able to help people really understand and embrace is some of that.

That stuff that goes along, the hard work that goes along with it, the uncovering themselves along.

Know the.

The way and kind of unveiling who they really are and maybe either what they want or how to position themselves.

What would you say you kind of really focus on as far as, like, you know, okay, we now.

Now they've discovered who they are.

You know, what are people coming to you most trying to do?

What's their goals?

I guess you.

You said the biggest thing right there, how to position yourself.

Because what I.

What I learned was I go, oh, my goodness.

This is a game of positioning.

Yeah.

And when we're positioned effectively, we win.

When we're not, we don't.

And so I asked a question.

I go, this.

This is the funny thing about high achievers.

High achievers know how to work hard.

They know how to work so hard, they will make themselves work hard because they think when you work hard, you get a reward for doing so.

That's true to an extent.

And so I was talking with one of my clients, and I told her, I go, all right.

Have you ever thought of putting your car in neutral, just pushing it to work?

Have you ever thought of doing that?

She goes, no, that would be stupid.

I go, well, it is hard work.

Like, it's hard, so why not do that?

Because you do it in your business.

And that's when she got the shift where she's like, oh, my goodness.

I do do that.

And so I go, oh, okay.

In this game of awareness, there's certain things that we're aware of because we've seen it enough times.

Like, we're pretty good with gravity as a human species.

I don't see human beings jumping off cliffs and running on, like, just doing that.

Oh, Dang.

You froze.

I don't know if you can still see me, but if you can just maybe stop for a second because you're frozen.

Dang.

And I'm back.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

So I paused, which was good.

Oh, hell, yeah.

Hell, yeah.

Good.

I wasn't sure.

I was like, if you can see me.

If you can see me, then stop.

Okay, go ahead.

So, yeah, I was talking to her about pushing the car in neutral and saying, like, okay, we all know not to run off of cliffs.

And so I go, oh, this is a game of awareness.

Life's a game of awareness.

When we're aware of what to do, we.

We tend to take the right actions.

And when we're unaware or we take the wrong actions.

Now, the crazy thing is I'm going through this journey is when I was a fighter, my first fight, I learned really, really quickly how terrible I was as a fighter.

Like, and I was also a terrible wrestler, was a terrible athlete.

I was a terrible.

Like, I was a terrible.

All these things until I got good at these things and went through my process.

And so as I went through my process, I go, wow, is it that people don't like going through the process?

It's like, yeah, people don't like going through the process.

And what was so.

Was so interesting about entrepreneurship is people weren't even telling me there was a process.

They would say, hey, would you xyz?

You're gonna get to this.

And the.

The really good ones let you know it's in here.

It's in here.

And then they.

They train you in how to take the steps to actually change it.

Because me telling you it's in here isn't enough.

Like, if I say, yeah, you got to fix your mental game.

Go fight.

And I haven't shown you how to throw a punch or a kick or do anything or block anything.

Well, you're screwed.

So.

So it's one of those things.

And.

And everyone knows.

Everyone knows.

It's the mindset.

Like, that's not a secret.

And when things aren't secret, then people will tell you that it's this thing.

But it doesn't necessarily mean that it can get you to where you're looking to go.

They just know what it is.

Like, most people can, hey, how do you get overweight?

Oh, I know.

I know.

When you eat too much and you don't exercise enough, you get overweight.

Great.

All right, we all got that one figured out.

Now.

How do you get me from being overweight to being in Shape or take someone who's either gone through the process or taken other people through the process.

Yeah.

It's not the knowledge.

And that's what.

That's what's gotten me into this whole thing as well with psychology is it's not the meal plan.

It's not the, oh, if you just told me what to do, if I just knew what to do, then I'd be all good.

Yeah.

If I just knew what to do.

Could you imagine how, like, rich, healthy human beings having amazing relationships?

Yeah.

Because there's out there about doing all three of those things.

Exactly, exactly.

So it's like, it's not even.

And so that's really important to mention, you know, the.

The integrity and.

And importance of, like, knowing yourself, you know, and so.

But then.

Then you have to move past that into the place of, like, really embracing the process and doing the things you need to do, because, you know, awareness is.

Is a huge, huge portion of that, but then you have to really do the work.

And so, like, you know, what I heard personally, which.

Which meant a lot to me with, like, positioning thing, is just how versatile that can be.

When your positioning is.

Is getting to know yourself and positioning is finding that true, authentic self, which is almost like a spiritual journey, which is what got me really interested in, like, the.

The combination between, like, you know, high performance and this spiritual journey and business practices.

I'm like, they're all the same thing because, like, if you can position yourself appropriately, if you can be your true, authentic self, people will notice you.

You will be a light in a dark world, you know?

Yeah.

100%.

It's like a light in a dark world.

Yeah.

That's the name of the game.

What was really interesting to me is I go, wow, there's light in every situation.

And even when we look like if we look up at.

On a sunny day, we don't see any of the stars.

We don't see them until it gets dark.

As I go, oh, everything's situational.

And it's.

You ever hear the saying, one person's trash is another person's treasure?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

What was interesting, what I noticed is some people value what other people do more than the person who does it themselves because it's simple to them.

And so I go, wow, this is such a mindset set thing.

It's very interesting.

That's something that we talked about that in person that I thought was so valuable because I've suffered from that myself, which is like, okay, I have, you know, these certifications and degrees and whatever, you know, and it's like, read all these books and it's like.

Then you get to the point of, like, everything that I have learned seems so common knowledge that I. I don't even really want to share it.

Sometimes I'm like, people are gonna get bored.

People like, yeah, they know.

They know.

They know.

They know.

You know, it's the same thing with, like, knowing that mindset is important in business.

It doesn't mean.

It doesn't mean you're gonna do it, though, because I've actually taken.

I'm.

I'm into mindset.

I'm into psychology, just like you.

I've been in a personal development for years, but I've literally taken business courses where I'm like, why the hell is the first module mindset?

I don't need mindset.

I'm good.

You know what I mean?

But you don't understand how pervasive it is.

You don't understand how deep it really goes, you know, like, how it's integrated into.

Into everything.

And you think that, like, the world is hard or the.

The market is saturated, you know, and it's just like.

No, it's.

It's.

It's you.

You know, and so those beliefs seem like truths, but those beliefs really are that insidious mindset stuff, you know?

Yep, yep.

And it.

It's interesting, like, so a belief is just a belief.

It's not good or bad or right or wrong.

And so I asked people the question, so why do we have the beliefs that don't serve us?

And we have a lot of them that don't serve us.

And then I go, oh, crap.

That makes a ton of freaking sense.

If a belief served us at one time, and the brain likes to be comfortable, it'd rather be comfortable with a belief that no longer serves than holding on to a new belief that does serve.

Yep.

That's so powerful.

I'm like, wow.

We, like.

Yeah, we like putting ourselves in these shitty situations.

That's messed up.

Yeah, that's.

And that's.

There's a guy named David Bear.

He has a book called A Changed Mind.

I actually kind of recommend it for anybody.

And he talks a lot about that.

It was.

At one point, it was a decision that you made and a decision to, you know, protect yourself, a decision to.

To do something that you thought was right in the moment, and.

And then years later, yeah, it doesn't serve you anymore.

And we don't even realize it's there.

It's in.

It's steeply embedded.

Embedded.

In the programming.

And that's where it just seems like a fact.

It just seems like, well, you know, I struggle with this, I'm not good at that, blah, blah, blah, you know, and those are all, they're not facts.

It's a decision you made at one point in time which helped you get to the next moment.

And that's cool and that's great, but we got to move past it.

Now.

I was talking with, talking with one of my clients because I, I told her, ah, what did she ask?

She was talking about characteristics and attributes.

And I told her, Socrates talks about know thyself.

Like when you know, when you know yourself, that's the best thing you can do.

And I told her, I'm not a rapper.

I never want to be a rapper.

I'm not interested in being a rapper rapper.

I'm not going to try and out wrap a rapper.

It's not going to serve me in any shape, form or fashion.

And when we get near the end of the conversation, I told her this, I go, if someone were to pay me $10 million, and they said, one year, you have to learn how to be a rapper.

Watch how quickly I start picking up the ability to like, what?

Watch how I go to the top 20 lists.

I didn't even know he could do that.

And so I go, we can be whatever we choose to be.

We just have to have a desire deep enough to do the thing.

Yeah.

And generally it's not going to come from the outside world as in someone offering you $10 million to gain a skill.

And so.

But there are skills that are worth $10 million in the world, which is something I learned, you know, through Jim Rohn's work and all these things.

It's like, yeah, there's like, oh, consulting and copywriting and coaching and you know, all these different things that you can really, you can build to 10 minutes, you can build yourself to $10 million worth of value.

Right.

And that's something I've been chasing for years, is like, okay, cool.

Like, you know, you said something that was, was important to me was that, you know, it was like, you're perfect in the moment as you are now.

So it's like as you're chasing this thing, as you're building yourself into a high value person that doesn't negate the value that you have now.

And that's something that's important for, I think, I think for people to hold on to and so balancing that world of like, I'm good enough now, but I'm going To strive every day to become better.

And so I was actually going to ask you that.

Like, I was curious what was.

You know, I feel like you kind of answered it by telling me you were into personal development, but I'm still curious what was driving the success back then when you were.

When you were 7 and 0, 8 and 0, like, killing it, Training every single day.

You know, I don't know what you were going through at the time.

I don't know if you had a family.

But, like, what was.

What was really driving that?

Was it sustainable?

Was it.

Was it anger?

Was it a need to prove significance?

Now, being older and being able to look back, what would you.

Would you say was really driving that?

I really like being significant.

It feels very good to me.

And getting emotional because I remember three things happened to me really young in my journey.

I had a father who wasn't the best father, and when I say not the best, he just lacked the tools.

He lacked the skills to be a father.

And then I had another father who had more tools and skills.

And my grandfather passed away.

And so I got the.

The belief system of, there's people who are supposed to be there and they're not going to be there for you, even a little bit.

They just don't even know how to be there for you.

They don't even know how to be there for themselves.

Then there's people who don't have to be there for you, and they get the choice to be there for you.

And we're all gonna die.

So make the best out of it.

Live life as fully as you can.

And so ultimately, I wanted to live a life worth living.

And to live a life worth living is doing what other people don't do, you know, impacting other people in a way that other people have never even experienced before.

Going after things that people will say that you're crazy for doing.

Which I thought I was very normal for the longest time.

I really did.

I was like, I'm just like anybody else.

They go, seriously?

Then I go, oh, because I am kind of crazy.

Okay.

But it's like you go after something because you can.

You can go in the cage because you can.

You can find your freedom because you can.

I think we.

We've actually been conditioned to believe that we should just get what we get because we deserve it.

And the truth is, do we deserve anything?

Like, if you're in a.

If you're in a cage with a caged lion, do you deserve to get eaten up?

Or do you deserve to, like, figure out how to get away from that lion without it seeing you.

It doesn't matter if you deserve it or not.

You're looking for a solution, go find it.

So in life I'm like, there's a solution, go find it.

Figure out what you want.

There's a solution, go find it thing.

And so now as a entrepreneur and father, what would you say is the, what is the cage now?

What's the you chasing your biggest, best dream now?

1 billion people to be loving, kind and abundant.

And how do you, how do you execute on that?

So I'm almost done with my the fighters formula.

I'm going to do a rewrite on that.

Oh, nice.

And what I ultimately want to do, because I go, oh, this is a game of transformation.

When a person can go through a transformation, they can become what they're looking to become.

And so I said to myself, how do I effectively leverage me?

How do I effectively leverage my stories?

How do I effectively leverage my journey?

And I realized this thing is our best friend and our worst enemy all at the same time.

So when we figure out how to utilize works, if we don't, keeps us stuck.

And mine has done both, Here I am.

Yeah.

And so I go, all right, if I can get people to do the one thing which is look in the mirror when they can look in the mirror.

Because love, kindness, abundance, it's easy to love something that you already love.

That's easy to do.

But what if you were going to love something that you didn't necessarily love?

It's easy to be kind to things that are kind to you.

What if you could communicate in such a way that non kind people could be kind to each other?

And it's easy to be abundant when life is going our way.

It's just like, oh, I got everything to imagine money flying all over the place, lobster, just everything's all good.

Yeah, I'm freaking abundant.

Yeah.

But if you could be abundant when life is tough, when life is getting difficult, I think me as a leader, I get an opportunity, I always get an opportunity to be loving, kind and abundant myself as I go through my journey.

And in being loving, kind and abundant, I reminds others that they can be that way too.

Because it's not even about like what I started learning is like, oh, no, you're going to respect me.

Well, people can only respect you if they know what respect means to you.

And you can only respect them if they know what respect means to them.

And so it ultimately I go, wait a minute, respect means something different for everybody.

What does that even mean?

It's communication.

So it's not the thing that we're actually going after.

We're like, you're going to do this?

It's like, well, what is doing that?

Let's like figure out what are the agreements that we have in place first and then can we agree to the agreements and can we communicate those agreements?

Man, I, I heard you said something in there that, that I was really curious about now because a couple different times we've talked about awareness and we've talked about asking questions, unveiling things for people, and then we're talking about helping people to look in the mirror.

And so I sometimes find myself focused on what are the tools that we can use to, to help people.

And that is more of a.

More of a giving.

I'm taking something for myself, some knowledge I have and giving it to someone else, you know, and what you're describing is more so a pulling from within themselves.

And so I was kind of curious, is that, is that what you find yourself doing a lot more of?

Do you feel like there's a good balance between the tools and helping people look in the mirror?

Or is helping people look in the mirror really genuinely enough?

Because they're going to then find the tools that are best for them.

That's kind of what I'm seeing.

So I'm curious your take on that.

Yeah, so I believe the number one tool people, the tool is the tool within themselves.

It's in their mind.

The pre.

The reason people, I believe, have trouble looking in the mirror is they don't want to see the bad sides of themselves.

It's easy to see the bad sides in others.

But then when you see the bad side in yourself, like, ah, that sucks.

And where it gets really interesting is when you, when you see someone acting a certain way and then the saying, I would never, never be that way, it's like, well, you haven't even tried.

Then you don't know anything about their story for them to become what they became.

And so I go, I like asking the question, why are they this way?

Why are they that way?

You know, I look at myself as a leader.

I would, I would consider myself a kind and empathetic individual, not only because of what I say, but because of what my people say.

Because it comes down to their opinions as well.

And then I look to it, I say, well, the reason I've become so kind and empathetic is a.

Because of all the experiences that I've had.

I go, every step, I take it Just makes me a more humble individual.

And ultimately I realize there's a lot more that I don't know than that I do.

And so I look at the journey through a lens of being an observer.

I'm not hating on myself and judging myself.

I'm not hating on anyone else and judging them.

We all have our story.

And if I.

If I want a different action from either myself or somebody else, well, I got to change the story.

I change the narrative.

I don't take it personally and say, this person's bad, this person's good, because then you've already, like, you've already established them as being.

Well, they're only that way.

So if they can only be that way, they're just doing exactly what you've painted them to do.

So why are you even mad at them then?

Yeah, dude.

And see, that's like your talk of the why don't people want to look in the mirror?

Like, leads right back to that because.

And what I heard is like, why don't we want to look in the mirror?

Is like, because what they think they should see, the shoulds, the outside expectations, the unwillingness to brace, embrace the darkness within, you know, that.

That unwillingness to look at the shadow parts of themselves.

And it seems like obviously you having traversed both worlds, that you can, you know, take people and.

And go down to their depths and bring them out of the darkness almost and be like, it's okay.

And not having all that shoulds and expectations around what it is that they're going to see when they actually look deep within themselves.

Yep.

And so to me, that's like, that is.

That is a superpower right there.

And something that, like, you know, I've looked at a lot of your positioning and stuff around your brand, and I just love, you know, that willingness to understand, you know, like, that's where I've been.

And I'm happy to go there with you and I'm happy to help you get through the grind of this process and really helping people embrace that and getting over the shoulds and expectations and things like that, you know, because we've talked about, you know, even a person, like I said, and I wanted to jump back to this real quick, is how important positioning can be.

Because it's this process of getting to know yourself, which to me, again, back to the tools, unveils what it is that you need to do.

Because when you are becoming more aware of, let's say, your self talk, then you know what it is you need to do.

You know, what points of friction.

There are there now when you start to become aware of your shortcomings in a relationship, you know, what's, you know, the strengths, you know, the shortcomings, and you can start to work on those things.

And so it's like the, the solutions and the problems both become apparent when you start to gain this sense of awareness and, and this true sense of awareness by looking in the mirror and being honest with yourself.

So that's, that's just my summary of what I'm seeing.

And I'm just like, I think it's, I think it's amazing, you know, what, what you're doing.

And, and I can't imagine what the process is.

I'm kind of curious, you know, what the process is, but I can imagine it's just very, very conversational, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

It's ultimately because we believe.

We believe until we're given something different.

Like I did believe that fighting was two guys just hitting each other and having a good time until I fought.

Then I quickly realized, oh crap, it's not two guys hitting each other.

It's me hitting a lot of air and him accurately hitting me in the face.

Oh no.

I'm like, that wasn't what I thought it was at all.

So.

Oh my God.

So going through life, you, you go through these belief systems until you have a new belief system.

And what was interesting, I remember the first time I saw drunk people thought they were acting stupid.

Didn't make any sense to me.

I'm thinking to myself, why are they acting so dumb?

Why are they being that way?

I got drunk myself.

Then I realized, wait a minute, they're not trying to do this.

Yeah, literally I felt the same way.

Like, why are you acting so dumb?

Why are you so loud?

Oh my God, that's so true.

And it's like, that's where you can kind of guide people and understand, you know, having been there, know, it's like, I've been drunk too.

It's okay.

We don't got to pretend we're not like, let's just walk the path of sobriety together and really figure this thing out.

100%.

100%.

And like, I, I'll even say, cuz you lost like 80 pounds, right?

Yeah, 85 pounds.

Yep, 85.

I, I lost about 80 pounds.

And was there a space where you wanted to eat?

Did you have any cravings for anything?

Did anything like that ever come up?

Or did you not have that at all?

Oh, dude, definitely, definitely.

Like food was a big part of why I was Overweight.

And the snacking at night was one of the big things that I was able to kind of like, slowly curb, but that was a big thing.

It's always like, oh, I've get, you know, you have your dinner and then you go and sneak into the kitchen and grab some snacks and stuff.

I would do that regularly, you know, 15, 16 years old, you know, and, yeah, I got.

It got out of hand, so.

And then from there on, yeah, I mean, I. I actually.

My boss too.

He was a. I think he used to be £300.

And so we both regularly talk about, you know, rich.

You know, rich, I don't need to hit.

And so we both talk about.

It's like that fat kid is in there still.

So it's like, you better.

Oh, you better watch out.

Like, you know, there's things that I need to do to keep myself sharp, to keep myself focused on the importance of eating healthy.

You know, the.

The benefits of eating the right way and how I'll feel when I eat that way.

And just like, really reminding myself, no, you know, you don't want it that bad.

Fudge and apple pie for me.

Oh, my God.

The.

The fat person is always there.

And.

And what's interesting, this is where it gets crazy.

So I go look in the mirror, right?

Look in the mirror.

And when what you see in the mirror looks pretty damn good, you can still trick yourself because it's actually not what you see in the mirror.

It's the thing behind, like, it's the thing that people can't see, where the power lies.

It's not the thing that you can see.

It starts with the thing that you can see.

Everything starts with what you can see until you realize what's more important is the things that you can't see.

And so as I was going through the process, I'm like, wow, no wonder this game is so hard.

Like, I remember being a high achiever and I would see people who would become millionaires and then lose it and then become millionaires again.

And I see people do it three and four times.

It was very interesting to me.

So I'm like, why in the heck?

How do you.

How do you get there and then lose it?

Get there and lose it again, like, and then I realized, like, oh, my goodness, I'm taking the same journey they're taking.

Mine is the food journey, because I love food with the passion.

And I saw myself going through my own dips, my heels and valleys where I would get, like, I'd get to the pinnacle.

I'm like, yes.

Freaking made it.

Put a stamp on it.

And I'm like, oh, crap, I'm unmaking it.

I worked my ass off to get here.

Now I'm going back the other way, man.

Yeah, I got to do it again.

And it gets to the point where literally becomes, like, who you are, your new identity.

But your new identity is still the thing that no one else can see.

Because I saw.

I saw it in familyhood, actually, I. I saw it.

Your family sees what they see, but they can't see what they can't see.

And in not seeing what they can't see, they think you're still the same person.

You could be a vastly different person than you were before.

I started realizing, like, oh, wow, we have these feedback loops and we say things, we say these generalized statements as if they're truth isms, but they're not really truthisms.

The reason we say them is because we know the real truth.

Like, for instance, don't judge a book by its coverage.

We can't help ourselves.

But to judge a book by its cover, that's the first thing we're going to do.

Even when we claim we're not going to do it.

Like, just say you're judging it and judge it and then figure out, like, is your judgment right or wrong?

Yeah, but don't pretend like you're not going to do it.

Like, that's a human instinct to do.

It's too funny, man.

And so then, like, with you exiting sports, I'm kind of curious about this.

This whole process.

So for me, exiting bodybuilding, it.

It was.

It was so challenging.

I felt like I was quitting.

I felt like it didn't feel right for me anymore, but it felt like, this is who I am.

I'm a. I'm a bodybuilder.

And I'm sure you.

It's like, I'm a. I'm a UFC fighter.

You know, this is literally deeply ingrained within myself.

And so I'm kind of curious if it was a more effortless, natural transition out of fighting and you just weren't feeling it anymore, or if it was like something that was really hard to let go of.

And maybe there was a reason, you know, you had to make that.

That decision.

How did that kind of transpire?

It was really easy for me, and I'll explain the story on why.

So I had my first kid and just things were off.

Like, I wasn't conditioning the same way that I would conditioning.

I wasn't training the same way that I would train.

And I remember hitting mitts in the back with Trevor and just.

I felt it wasn't nervousness, it was terror.

Like, I felt terrified.

I'm like, why do I feel so terrified?

Like, I've never felt that before, not in a fight.

So I'm walking towards getting ready to go into the cage in this terror state, which is not.

I would not recommend that state for anyone getting ready to fight in a high performance situation like that.

But it is what it is.

So I'm going to the cage and the cage door shut.

And like, that's what I realized it.

I'm like, oh, crap, I don't even want to be in here anymore because I want to worry about my son.

And the risk reward just wasn't worth it anymore.

And I saw this angry Russian looking at me like, well.

It'S like, I.

Gotta make it out of this one.

I'm not gonna quit.

So it looks like I gotta make it out of this one.

And I learned something.

Like, this was the interesting learning that I had from it.

I was in the fight the entire time I was in the fight and I was half a step off.

I could fill it, Trevor could fill it.

Others couldn't.

And that half a step.

I say, when you're aligned with your mind, you're aligned with your heart and you're aligned with your skill sets.

You can win, you can win anything.

But if they're not in alignment, something's off.

It's going to make things a little bit difficult and sticky.

Yeah.

So my mind is the ability to understand it, forecast it, strategize it.

My mind was there, my skill was there.

I had been a fighter for a long time.

The skills were there, but my heart wasn't in it.

The passion, the purpose had a different passion and purpose.

So my mind, my heart was in another place.

And with my heart being in another place, I could feel that half an inch where I just.

I was missing the mark.

Dang.

That's.

That actually reminds me, I. I just talked about this story the other day.

I'm so funny.

You said, like missing the mark by half an inch and how, how detrimental that can be, you know, or beneficial.

But however you want to look at it, you make those, those subtle shifts, you know, because there's a.

You may have heard this before too, being into personal development, Tony Robbins story about him getting coached in golf and he's like, I'm trying to improve my golf game.

I got a golf coach.

I'm sitting here hitting it.

My golf coach is watching me.

He's trying to figure out how to, you know, coach me to do better.

And I'm sitting there getting frustrated, and I just decided, you know, like, this, like, I. I suck at this.

This, like, I. I'm awful.

I'm just gonna toss it up.

He's like, you're.

What do you mean?

Like, you're so close.

Like, you're doing so good.

He's like, what do you mean?

What do you mean?

Like, he's like, I'm hitting it way off to the right.

I'm shanking it.

I'm all.

It's all over the place.

And he was like, yeah, but you're like, you're only this far off in golf.

It's like a millimeter difference can make all the difference.

So you can be really close and think you're really far off.

And so you just need to keep going.

You just need to really understand that it can be a millimeter change that can just completely change your trajectory.

Trajectory of where you're going, you know?

So for me, like, yeah, that's.

That's, like.

That's so powerful to have, like, the skill set there, to have your.

Your mindset there, and then to realize, okay, like, I just need to now shift because my passion is not there anymore.

The heart's not there anymore.

And so that kind of leads me into, like, you know, what is.

Is that part of the far formula?

You know, I. I know.

I know it is.

I know passion is a big part of it.

And so how did you.

How did you, you know, now transition, okay?

Like, now I'm gonna follow my passion, and it's personal development, because that's obviously what you had, like, as a foundation within your whole life.

And that's where.

That's where I'm at, too.

It's like, I've.

I've had personal development with me since I was in high school, starting from philosophy to stoicism and all these.

That's kind of where I got my.

My foothold into.

Into the world and then moved into personal development.

But, yeah, I mean, how did you.

How did you kind of transition out of that?

Calling the passion and building the fighters?

Yeah, so.

So I. I told my coach.

That.

I was not fighting anymore, and he knew because he saw how I was fighting in that fight.

He's like, yeah, I had a feeling.

And then the transition was sloppy, like, any transition, like.

And I. I wish I could tell.

You know what?

No, I don't.

No, I don't.

I want to tell people the truth.

Yes.

You'Re Only as good as you are.

You're.

You're.

Whenever you start something, you can only get better at what you're doing.

I'll say that whenever you start something, you can only get better.

So every time you start something, you're figuring something out if it's for you or if it's not for you.

Maybe you think it's for you, and you learn really quickly that it's not.

Or maybe you don't think it's for you, and you start realizing that it is.

And so I started it, like, I start all my stuff by attempting something and seeing how good I was at it.

I'd realized, like, I wasn't that good at all because it was my first time.

So I ended up doing first thing.

Oh, go ahead.

Sorry, I. I spoke.

Yeah, I spoke, and I hired a speaking coach, and she had me gather my friends and my family to come speak in front of them.

That felt amazing.

I was like, that's freaking awesome.

As if being judged isn't enough.

Being judged around friends and family, that's even better.

It went all over the place.

It was like, and this and this and this.

And they're like, okay, I'm motivated, but I don't know what to do.

And I go, yeah, I didn't even know where I was going, so I could only imagine.

And I didn't think it was that clear.

And I talked with my speaking coach about it, and she goes, well, start with the transformation you give someone at the end and then work it backwards.

So start at the end and then work backwards.

And so I started at the end, like, this is how.

This is the.

The finale, and this is what they look like when they work it backwards.

And so that's where the Fighters formula came into play.

It was all those steps that lead to that finished product.

And so now how.

Like, that had to have been potentially months or years in the making of really figuring out, like, you know, what is the clear message, because that's where I'm at, too.

I.

You know, we even actually did some videos recently with my.

With my work, you know, where we.

We're like, okay, we want you to talk about mindset.

I'm like, cool.

You know, I feel confident talking about mindsets, but, you know, but then it's just like, when you start talking, it's like, where's the call to action?

Where's the actual ins?

Like, where's the.

You know, I gotta be more precise.

I gotta be more specific, because, yeah, it's not clear.

Rah, rah.

Rah.

Whatever.

This and that and theories and stuff, but what is the actual insights?

And so I definitely have tried really hard to stay focused on that within the show, telling people's story, but it's like, yeah, how can you really, you know, get that message down?

And how do you get to the point of, like, yeah, what is the transformation that you deliver?

Yeah, I had.

Because I got into UFC in less than a year of my first pro fight, right?

And.

I'm with this entrepreneur, and I tell him that story.

Like, yeah, I got there in less than a year.

He goes, do you have that all documented and in place, like, the exact steps that it took you to get there?

And I thought I did.

I didn't think I was lying, to be honest with you.

And so I said, yeah, I do.

He goes, oh, my goodness, you're gonna crush it in business.

Fast forward.

I didn't realize I only had, like, 2% of it done.

Like, I wasn't even.

Wasn't even close to the refinement.

And that's where you start learning, like, things are subjective.

Like, in that moment, I really did think, like, I had it all.

And most of it was in my head, some of it was on paper, but I'm like, oh, yeah, I got.

I got the.

It wasn't even called the fighters formula at the time.

It was called the power of six.

I got the power of six down.

I'm.

I'm good.

I got this.

And then I look back and I go, oh, there was so many pieces, so many nuances that needed to be polished and put into place.

Geez.

And so how long would you say this book took to.

To make?

Oh, this was come to fruition.

Yeah, this was years, for sure.

Because it was like, no one.

No one wants to suck.

No one says, man, you know what?

I just want to suck at this thing.

I want to be bad, really bad.

Sign me up for some of that.

Like, so.

So no one's looking for that part.

They love the great part, though.

They love that.

Like, high performer, high achiever.

Sign me up for some of that.

Give me that over there.

And it's like, yeah, but to get there, to T.R.

vickers says every master was once a disaster.

And so there's that.

That point where it's like, okay, do I.

Do I want to be a master at this?

I always ask.

I say, ask it twice just to be sure.

Do I want to be a master, and do I really want to be a master?

Because you're going to find out, you know, once you Start putting in the reps, you're going to find out.

Yeah, they say, yeah, they say that something similar.

You're in your mess is the message.

Right.

And so it's so cool of you to be, you know, willing to embrace that.

And I think that what I heard kind of, you know, from my own, I guess, psychological standpoint is, is the, you know, conscious competence scale.

And so people know, realizing that they don't maybe know a lot.

So we make it super simple, you know, that they don't.

They don't know what they don't know, like you said, you know, and then they go up into the place of realizing, like, they don't know a lot.

And this is going to be really hard.

And holy shit, like, you know, whether it's starting guitar, it's like, you know, oh, yeah, I want to learn guitar.

This is gonna be great.

And then you, like, start learning the scales and the.

You're like, oh, my God, this is gonna take me years, but this sucks.

And so I think that that's like, where I see.

You know, there's another metaphor I've heard of, like, walking around in the dark.

You know, you're literally just like, not.

Most people are not willing to walk around in the dark because when you're walking around in the room in the dark, you're more likely to stub your toe, hit things.

And most people are just.

Are not going to.

Willing to learn that.

Learn that space, you know, be comfortable traversing a dark space.

And you seem like, again, coming back to them, bracing the darkness, embracing the shadows.

Like, you seem very willing to help people get to that place of what does it look like for you to embrace this next step and sucking at something and really figuring out what you're.

What you are good at and what you're passionate about?

Like, I. I love that so much.

Yeah, thank you.

I appreciate that, dude.

Absolutely.

And so now I'm curious, do you have plans to write another book?

Yep.

Yep.

So I'm doing a rewrite on the Fighters formula because as I looked at it, there were other pieces where I. I feel like with the ghostwriter that I have, I can hit it out of the park.

And it already felt really good to begin with.

And so now it's just.

It's that extra layer that's just going to really, really take it to bed, that next level.

And is there a business dream beyond what you're doing now?

Like, you know, do you have plan on starting a coaching empire?

Do you plan?

Like, I always kind of ask People like, you know, what, what's the, what's the bigger dream?

And ten years down the road, like, everything works out for you.

You know, you've, you've hit those steps, you've, you've gone through the, the, you know, you've got to know yourself better.

What, what is, what is, where are you at?

I want to be able to transform people in my sleep.

That's, that's what I love most about being able to write a book.

And when it comes to creating an empire, it's already done in my head.

I already have it.

And, and what that means is having the ability to influence anyone and everyone that I connect with in some form or fashion in a positive way.

In a positive way, whether that's a business that I'm working with or a person that I meet on the street.

And I want to continue to polish that skill set and I want to surpass 1 billion people.

I already know.

Like, when I go after a dream, I go after the dream, I go after it heavy.

And then when I, when I accomplish it, I go after my next stream.

So if I can just keep, keep touching lives, keep giving to people and keep giving to myself.

Be the best me that I can be, and remind others to be the best them that they can be.

So there's three things that I live by.

Be my best, get better at being my best, and remind others that they can do the same.

And so I want to touch on this as a more actionable step now is you having been in the ring, having been in.

Facing immense pressure, and you even like, let's just say even facing immense pressure now as a parent, trying to promote yourself, trying to balance all the things you're doing, clearly, you know, and so it's like, what's your, what's your advice more vaguely on staying calm under pressure?

If someone comes to you and they're like, hey man, how do you, how do you stay common pressure?

What do you recommend that I do to say common pressure?

You know, this is where I get more into tools, obviously, because again, I'm interested in tools.

We can ask people questions, we can help them see themselves, we can help them discover their strengths.

But what are the tools you might give someone, you know, more delivering content, style.

As crazy as it sounds, take a deep breath and control the controllables.

So I just saw, I saw this funny little picture with a guy trying to mop the beach and.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it says this is what it looks like when you try to control uncontrollables.

And ultimately, what's funny is our mind likes to keep things super complex unnecessarily.

And it's like, I need a whole bunch of stuff, because then that's the thing.

That's the answer.

But when I say something as simple as take a breath and control the controllables, it's like, well, anyone can do that.

And that's true.

Anyone can.

But also, anyone can also choose not to do it, too.

And so as easy as it is to do the right thing, it's also easy to not do the right thing, too.

Yeah, thanks.

I love that.

I love.

That's, like, such a basic stoic principle.

But I.

It's so funny how often I find myself saying it in real life.

And I say it the same way, because it's like, I don't say, you know, have a stoic mindset.

I'm like, hey, you know, just focus on what you can control.

Control the controllables.

And people are like, you're right.

You're right.

It's, like, so funny because, again, that's one of those things feels so basic to me.

I'm like, did that seriously just helped you?

Like, you already know that somewhere within yourself.

You definitely already know that.

Like, I need to tell you that, you know, like, no, I don't control.

I want to focus on the things I can't control.

It helps me, you know?

You're right.

Yeah.

Well, that's what's crazy.

Like, our minds.

So Jim Rohn says, Or no, it was actually Tony Robbins.

What.

What you focus on grows, right?

And it's so true.

It's easier to focus on the uncontrollables because our mind likes to focus on the negatives because it wants to fix a negative.

And so it's like, it's attempting to fix this thing that it can't fix.

And basically in this loop of crap and going like, ah.

It's like, so you saying that, like, yeah, like, people need a reminder.

It's the same thing.

I knew I was really done fighting when I didn't train with my coach watching me.

I knew I was done because a coach can be there.

Like, give me one more.

Like, yeah, I know the importance of giving one more.

So why can't I just do it by myself?

Because it's hard.

Because it sucks.

Because my.

I got to come up with the story to not give one more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that's.

And that's where it's, like, almost becomes an uphill battle.

Like, even, like you said, you know, where really focusing on this stuff is something you actively have to do.

And focusing on the negative is something that just passively happens.

It's, it's easy, it's just going to happen.

And so you have to really switch into the place of being intentional to focus on the things that you can actually control.

And that's, and that's something that's, again, it's just, it doesn't seem very easy.

And I, and I wish it was.

I wish for everyone's sake that it really was, that we could all just really be there, you know.

And so, and so on the, and on the note of being intentional now this is, we'll kind of like wrap it up around this point.

I'm, I'm very curious.

You mentioned not having, you know, a father that was maybe able to give you all the things you needed.

You know, obviously we're not in a place to say anybody is not good enough for anything like that, but because I had a similar, I didn't have a dad at all growing up, so I'd never have met my dad.

So very similar place.

And I feel like it has significantly shaped the type of father that I am to my kids.

And so now I'm curious, you know, what you feel like not only from your personal development journey, but from not having a father.

Not having a father that was maybe all there.

I, I keep saying that, how does that, how has that shaped your, your parenting?

So I got to experience both fathers.

So I got my biological.

And then I got the guy that I call my real dad because I, I just respect him in that way.

He was a father to me.

I got to see different perspectives and I got to see the positives and negatives of both perspectives.

And so I use that with my children and showing them.

This is really interesting question because now I'm going into.

I was a very intentional father.

Intentional on being the best father that I could be.

And there's two things that kids just when they have these two things, they're in a better space.

They know that they're loved.

And so the way that I know that my kids are loved is by asking them what does love mean to them?

How does daddy show that I love you?

And what's interesting that my 8 year old comes up with some really deep stuff like he's a deep thinker.

My four year old is not quite there yet, but he's four.

So I just like ready to answer and whatever however he answers the answers.

So there's that one.

And then the ability to communicate with them.

Like, the more you communicate with your kids, the stronger the bond becomes.

And I've noticed, like, the, the most important thing, like, in leadership is trust.

If they trust the person, it'll be more inclined to have a bond.

So even like me and you were, we're talking on this podcast, if we, us trusting each other is different than if we didn't trust each other, there'd be a different energy, a different vibe, a different way of being.

Yeah.

And so I'm like, wow, if that happens with adults, imagine what it happens to a kid's brain.

And so I want my kids to really feel that they can trust me and they trust me about the way I communicate with them.

And then that will shape the way that you communicate with them back as well, which is because again, with all that, like, disrespect stuff that is floating around out there and the, the regular world, it's like if you're, if you're getting them to.

Well, if you explain the way in which they feel love, you know, which I think is very important, you know, then you can.

You're that much a more able to.

To show them the love in a way that matters to them, you know, that gets into like, almost the Gary Chapman and love languages thing, you know, but you've, you've made it more basic.

You haven't said, hey, what's your love language?

Or read this book and let's figure, you know, it's like, hey, it's so simple.

It's like, hey, you know, like, how.

What makes you feel loved and out of the mouth of babes?

I'm sure.

Gems.

This was the craziest experience to me.

It was a Saturday morning.

I asked.

So it was me, my wife, and my kids.

And I asked my, my kids, where do they want to eat?

And there was this breakfast place that the kids wanted to eat.

So we all go to this breakfast place and we eat at this spot.

And then I'm like, hey, guys, you want some cookies from Crumbles?

And they're like, yeah, I would love cookies from Crumbles.

And we, we went to go to Crumbles and we just had a really good time.

And my wife goes, this was one of the best days I've ever had.

And I looked at it and I realized, like, my wife values our kids happiness.

Like, she really, really values our kids happiness.

And sometimes to make someone happy is by asking them what they want.

Some people might even be listening to this and being like, you guys just went for breakfast and cookies.

And some people will be listening.

This will be like, wow, that's awesome.

What a dad moment.

And all I did was I just have to ask the question, what do you want?

Dude, I. I literally love that, because that's something that's been a learning journey for me as well, is, like, figuring out the ways in which that I think that I can give love the best, and then feeling frustrated when it doesn't seem to be working, as opposed to just trying to shift into something that is, you know, being like, well, I am doing this for you, and I'm doing that for you, and I. I pay your bills, and I do that, and I.

You know.

You know, and it's just like, that's not it.

That's not it at all.

And so that's why it's like getting to know yourself.

We went to a steak dinner.

Like, that was expensive, dessert and everything.

Not the same experience as the breakfast and the cookies.

And I'm like, wow, that was way cheaper and a way better experience for everyone than the steak dinner.

That's funny.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I.

And I feel the same way.

We've had those days where it's like.

It's been.

It's.

You think that it's like.

It's so much more complex in our minds how hard it is to be a good man sometimes.

And in reality, it's like, it can be so simple like that.

And that's what.

Something's been really hard for me.

It's like, I need to build this life for my family.

I need to work my ass off.

I need to take them on vacations.

I need to, you know, buy them everything they want.

And then, like.

And then.

And then you just, like, end up so.

Not.

Not present with your family.

I've literally gone through this myself.

And then when you just can really, like, take a moment to, like, settle in and I spend an afternoon with them and be like, it.

I quit, dude.

I'm like, it's not working.

It's hard.

I just.

I'm tired.

I'm just gonna spend a day with my family.

And you're like, what the.

Have I been doing?

This is it the whole time?

You know, it's like.

It just feels so good and so wholesome and energizing.

And then you're ready to go back to work.

And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm so stupid.

Like, you know, I'm guilty of it, too.

Yeah.

And I still do it sometimes, too.

It's like, you still slide back into it because it's like, I know what I'm capable of.

I know that I could start something great.

I know I can have a great, successful business.

I know I've got a good mind, you know, a good head between my.

On my shoulders.

And, like, so why wouldn't I go after really hard, and I've talked to guests about this before, is like, I.

The way I sometimes see it in my mind is I can shorten the time span in which we get to the dream, you know, by just putting my head down and working.

But then along the way, the actual process of it is just not anything that's enjoyable for anyone.

And so then, like, well, then why would I want to get to that end goal?

Because then it just feels like it's just going to be more of that.

More of the shitty stuff that I haven't liked anyway.

And so then it makes you want to quit on it.

But.

But it's like there's a way to still go after it while.

While balancing that, while putting those things in your life, while being intentional.

Right.

100%.

It reminds me of NASCAR with the pit crew.

And if you were to go, like, screw that pit crew.

I don't need them.

I'm gonna, like, know, your tires are gonna wear out, your engine's gonna wear out.

Like, things are gonna get really, really bad really fast.

Go to your pit crew.

Yeah, dude, that's so funny.

That's such a good way of thinking about it.

Yeah.

Take an afternoo.

Go on a ice bath.

Go on a whatever, you know, spend the afternoon with your family.

Go to Crumble Cookie.

It's a good cookie.

Like.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I love that.

I love that.

And see, and so again, again, I. I love everything that you're doing, and I'm kind of just curious, you know, on the back end, then, is there anything from everything you're doing, anything that, like, people like ourselves, people that are higher achievers, you know, And.

And we can't say that we're happy with where we're at, but at the same time, we can say that we're working towards happiness.

We're happy with the life we've created.

Again, happy along the way.

Right.

But that's where I get really, you know, hard.

It's almost hard even explaining, putting words to it, because I don't want to say I'm not happy with where I'm at, but I want to admit that I'm working towards bigger and better things at all times.

And so those people, like ourselves.

Yeah.

What do you have what do you have to say to them to finish it?

I got a, I got a coach who says she's happy and she strives for more, better and different.

And so I'm happy.

I, I love the journey that I'm on.

Am I going to stop stepping in the arena because I love where I'm at?

No.

I want to test myself.

I want to see who I can become.

I want to, I want to show up.

I want to live a life worth living.

So I'm not done living yet.

When I'm done living, I'll be done living.

And I'm not stepping any more arenas.

I'm stepping into the final arena, six feet under.

But other than that, while I'm here, I'm gonna go step into new arenas and, and share new transformations, dreams and experiences.

See, I love that.

And like in my, in my own way, you know, share as well, is like my, my deep seated belief in the fact that we are mind, body and spirit and that the soul craves expansion and that the body, like you said, wants to be comfortable, the brain wants to be comfortable, wants to seek what's normal and familiar, while the soul wants to experience new novelty, all those different things.

And so we have to just accept our place on this earth as humans.

Balancing that fine line between both.

Right?

Because some days you're going to feel soul expansion, some days you're going to feel grounded into the dirt, like you're nothing.

And you have to really kind of just stay up and just continue to walk the bridge between the two.

100%.

Hell yeah.

Well, thank you, Clifford, for coming on the show and thank you for having me.

I definitely want people to appreciate all you.

Hope you guys got some major value.

Yes.

And then tell them, tell them where they can find you because I'm sure they're curious about your Instagram, YouTube, whatever, whatever it is.

They have me on Facebook or LinkedIn.

Just go under Clifford Starks and send me a wave or a thumbs up.

Let me know you like what you like and would love to support you in any way that I can, I guess.

And then.

And is there.

Oh, actually too.

I'm with you as well, Warrior.

I'm getting a Warrior report started.

When I get that link, I can share that link with you, Todd.

And if you want to share with your audience, I will.

But yeah, the warriors report is for people who are looking for more freedom in their life and their business.

Okay.

And then.

And I thought I saw something on your page about a warrior training room too.

That looks interesting to me anything.

I do have the training room.

Hey, what's that?

Yeah, so it's really to work this thing the more so just like when you work a muscle, it gets stronger.

Well, the mind's the same way, so I focus on supporting them and working their mind, getting it fit so that they can show up in their life, in their business, at a whole nother level, I guess.

Okay, good.

And that's.

And that's such a cool, like, little way of calling it, too, you know, really leaning on the fighter identity and positioning the training room.

Hell, yeah.

I love it, man.

So I wish you the best of success, and I know we'll stay in touch.

So thank you so much for being on the show, and again, thank you, everybody, for watching.

Yeah, I hope you got immense value as well.

I think that the bird has much more to give.

We could have talked for longer, for sure.

I could have kept going.

And I definitely know that he's going to have more to offer for his books and his content.

So stay aware, stay intentional.

All right.

Thank you.

Appreciate you, my brother.