Podcast: Texas Real Estate & Finance Podcast
Episode Title: TREFP #32 Dana Shafir
Host(s): Mike Mills
Guest(s): Dana Shafir
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Mike Mills (Host) | 00:00:15 to 00:00:28
We are here. We are live. Welcome. So today, this is not real estate and fine finance discussions we're steering clear of. That's why I got my hat on.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:00:28 to 00:00:44
It's a little different hat. Today we're not talking about mortgages and money. Maybe, I don't know. You never know where things go. But ultimately, what I want to chat about today is something that is going to be new for what we usually talk about, which is health and wellness.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:00:44 to 00:01:02
And I find it, we'll say apropos for this time of year. The reason I asked you to come in was because we're coming up on New Year. So I figured this was a good subject to get started with. But anyway, I have Donna Shafir. She is a health and wellness expert.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:01:02 to 00:01:16
I'm going to call her especially way. Compared to me, she's like a Yoda. And I have no idea how the force works. So I'm really excited about this because this is something that I get fired up about. I have a lot of thoughts.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:01:16 to 00:01:42
Just like I'm sure you deal with clients every single day, know, think they know things, but typically don't. We got to solve some myths and answer some questions. So if you guys are setting up your New Year's resolutions and trying to get on track for your body and your mind, this will be a good one for you to check out. So, Donna, tell me or tell everybody. Tell us who you are.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:01:42 to 00:01:54
Tell us what you do so that way we can kind of establish your incredible credentials. Awesome. Well, thanks for having me. And I'm really excited to be here. I have some notes just in case I get tangential.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:01:54 to 00:02:00
Donna's nervous. I am nervous. She's going to loose up. She's going to start. We're going to be a little tight and a little concerned.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:02:00 to 00:02:08
And then as we start to talk, you'll start to free up a little bit. We'll be partying. That's right. We'll take him those shots of tequila that you turned down a minute ago. Yeah, I know.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:02:08 to 00:02:15
I have it right here close to me. Just in case. My background is actually in psychology. Well, let me back up. Even before that.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:02:15 to 00:02:30
Sure. I started off really wanting to go to medical school, and I thought that was going to be the route for me. And then I decided nutrition was the route for me. And I found myself taking a lot of psychology classes, so that was the route for me. Okay.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:02:30 to 00:02:40
You're like every young person on the planet. Exactly. But you were in the same neighborhood of ideas of what you wanted to do. It's just different paths you went down. Absolutely.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:02:40 to 00:02:58
Serving others, helping others help in the healing profession. And so I just kind of followed that path of psychology and went on to get my doctorate in psychology. So you're a PhD? I have a PhD, and I'm really intimidated right now. Don't be intimidated.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:02:58 to 00:03:05
I forget sometimes. And then I'm like, wait a minute. I should make my kids say Dr. Donna whenever they'll excuse me. That's Dr.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:03:05 to 00:03:07
Mom. Dr. Mom. Dr. Shafir.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:03:07 to 00:03:12
I'm going to call you Dr. Shafir the rest of the way. That's okay. No need. But, yeah.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:03:12 to 00:03:22
So I went that route and became licensed as a therapist. So I've been practicing. Is that the right word? Psychological psychotherapist? Therapist.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:03:22 to 00:03:39
Correct. So I've been a licensed therapist since 2006. Okay. And that thing in the background of nutrition and health just kept just pinging back at me, and I found myself taking just classes and courses. You had interest in it?
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:03:39 to 00:04:11
Totally. Just a passion, and I love it so much. And honestly, what I found was that with people that I was working with, that they would come to me and talk about either and a lot with kids as well, some behavioral things or emotional things that they were going through. And then we would just talk about kind of their daily habits or even what their breakfast looked like or their lunch looked like, especially when I was working in schools. And I would talk to a lot of families, a lot of parents, and they would say, oh, well, they had donuts this morning, and yet here they are.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:04:12 to 00:04:19
Why are they so. Yeah, can you fix my child? Why are they bouncing off the walls and can't focus? I don't understand. Don't get it.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:04:19 to 00:04:44
And so I was like, wait. There's just so much more to this than just how people are describing their behaviors or their emotions. It's all connected, right? So I decided to go back to study, because, honestly, my biggest passion is studying, is school, is learning, and I never want to stop. That's just like, you never stop.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:04:44 to 00:05:02
I think the moment that you think that you know everything is not a good moment. I always feel like there's more to know. The more I know, the more I realize how much I don't know. Yeah, I think people run into that a lot. They get into a place where you get comfortable with what you understand and what you know, and then you don't want to.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:05:03 to 00:05:28
Or I guess it's not that you don't want to, but you just don't find it important to continue to expand your base of knowledge and stuff, and especially in what you do, because the science is changing constantly. You can't afford to not have that passion to want to keep learning. Right? For sure. You have to stay abreast of everything that's changing and be really flexible and have a growth mindset because it's constantly changing.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:05:28 to 00:06:11
And I think it's good because it's humbling, but it's also, you are able to provide the most evidence based information to your clients. So I became a health coach and then also a nutritional therapy practitioner. So I brought back in the health part as well as the nutrition part, which are my biggest passions, really, and just married it all together. So the whole mind, body, spirit thing. And then I have, and we were talking right before this, I always think of, I'm very much science based, but I allow for those things that we, the woo, like science with a bit of woo, the things that you just can't explain currently.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:06:11 to 00:06:42
Hopefully someday we'll be able to measure it in some way because I think that's very important to be able to measure things. But at the same time, I allow my intuition to really guide me. So even though the science is what supports stuff and kind of informs the things that we talk about and we decide the path for a client, the intuition has to be very. Well, the world's always had a little bit of woo, right? Yeah.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:06:42 to 00:06:59
BecaUse even when we were living in huts and hunting and gathering around the planet, the woo was how the sun came up. We had no idea how that works. Right, exactly. So it was God, it was whatever. It was a million different things, but that was woo.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:06:59 to 00:07:34
Right. And today, there are things that occur, that happen, that we see and people know that you can't explain and you can't measure, like you said, but to just disregard those things and pretend like it's not there, you're kind of selling yourself short. And as a scientist, which is ultimately what you are, you want to explore and prove things wrong, prove things right, do whatever you can, because at the end of the day, you're trying to get answers. And if you stop asking questions and you stop looking under rocks that other people say, oh, well, that's woo, or woo. Woo, too.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:07:34 to 00:07:42
Woo. Then you get away from that kind of stuff, and then your knowledge base is limited. Right. You can't really grow from there. Yeah.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:07:42 to 00:08:04
And I think it really goes back to what we were talking about, just having kind of that flexibility and that growth mindset. Like, there's other things that I can't explain. And you were talking earlier about just like that. You consider what I do as expertise, as I'm the expert. But really, when I'm sitting with a client, I truly believe that they're the expert on their own body, on their own body, on their own lives.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:08:05 to 00:08:17
I may have the background, the experience. I like to nerd out. Trust me, I like to nerd out on all this stuff, and I bring it to the table, but they are the experts. And so this is very much a partnership. This is not me.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:08:17 to 00:08:54
I don't want them to ever feel like they come to me, and here's what you got to do, and you got to do this and follow this type of thing. Not at all. This is very much kind of a trial and error, error type of experiment, if you will, for sure. And then we just kind of edit and refine whatever the path is that we take with. Well, I think when it comes to this is something that I learned this year or not this year, but, I mean, I'vE just kind of started to pay more attention to it a little bit or understand it better, is that when it comes to health and wellness of any kind for an individual, it's very personally based.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:08:54 to 00:09:16
Right. Everything doesn't work for everybody. There isn't necessarily a one size fits all I would imagine we'll get into. I'm sure there's some tenants, some basic stuff that kind of generally applies, but even in those situations, it's not 100%. When you say, hey, you need to drink a lot of water every single day, or that's a good.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:09:16 to 00:09:56
Yeah, for most people, for probably the vast majority, but there's probably some people out there that for whatever reason, they got some kind of issue with over consumption of water. I don't know. But point being is just that health and wellness is a very personal thing. And I would think if you go visit someone that you're trying to get information from, or you're trying to get advice from or help from, and they don't listen to you, they don't hear what you have to say about what you're experiencing personally, and they just start either prescribing or saying, well, you need to do this, you need to do this. It's probably not the right person that you're talking to because, yeah, that might have worked for the person that you were ahead in here 30 minutes ago, but that's not necessarily going to work for me.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:09:56 to 00:10:24
It's a very personal thing. Right, absolutely. And to make it even more complicated is that it's so nuanced that what worked for me 20 years ago won't work for me now. Right. Because our bodies are so different and our environment is so different and our circumstances are so different and heck, I mean, just even what worked maybe like six months ago with whatever, whether it's a workout or the way that the stress management strategies that you're using, it might not work today.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:10:24 to 00:10:45
So I think it's constantly part of my work with people is helping them develop a really healthy, positive relationship with their bodies so that they can listen to what it is that their body is trying to tell them, okay, this may have worked. It's not working right now. And to keep fine tuning it. Yeah. Well, again, it goes back to the education piece.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:10:46 to 00:11:20
You have to educate yourself and your career path, what you teach and work with people every day, but people have to educate themselves about themselves. That's why another thing that has been over the last couple of years that I've paid more attention to is the importance of things like blood work and just knowing. It's kind of like ideal in money. So if you don't know your income and you don't know your expenses and you don't have your budget put together, then you're not going to know how to solve whatever financial issues you may be having. You have to have the data.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:11:20 to 00:11:47
And for your body, if you don't know your hormone levels, if you don't know your vitamin levels, if you don't know all of those things, then it's going to be very difficult for you to really kind of identify certain issues that you're going to have without the data. Right? Absolutely. And I mean, even before diving into those things, some people are just so out of touch with their bodies that they don't even know what real hunger is. They don't know what real satiety is.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:11:48 to 00:12:05
I'll get a lot of, well, how did this feel whenever you ate this? Or like, I don't know. I didn't pay attention. And so it's even just going down to the basics of like, okay, let's learn how to listen to our bodies. And this is the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:12:05 to 00:12:16
Right. And so if you don't even know how to. And they'll blindly go to someone and ask for pills or things to take, but they don't even know what the. Issue is or what the impact is. Right.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:12:16 to 00:12:29
What the impact. And just kind of like that there were some things that they just hadn't paid attention to that they could have maybe solved on their own before. And I'm not saying that there's not room for that. Obviously there is, but, yeah, just learning how to listen to yourself. Would you say that people.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:12:31 to 00:12:47
I've read a few things, just regards to if I eat poorly, right. And I feel like crap all the time, eventually I kind of get used to feeling like crap all the time. 100% right? Yeah. And so I don't notice that I feel like crap, because that's just how I feel.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:12:47 to 00:13:06
And I just assume that everybody feels the same way. You know what I mean? So that was the biggest experience that I had when I first really started paying attention to my own physical health and wellness, which, just like everybody else, it's a roller coaster. I'm up and down all the time. But I did start to like alcohol, for example.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:13:07 to 00:13:12
I love drinking. It's fun. I love whiskey. I love Scotch. I love vodka.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:13:12 to 00:13:40
I'm not a beer guy because of the. I got kind of a gluten thing, too, where it makes my sinuses all flare up or whatever, which I figured out when I was younger. But I did notice that when I took time off of drinking for, like, two weeks, three weeks, where I didn't have anything, you just feel so much better, you know what I mean? And then I would have a day or two, like, at the holidays. Right now, I feel like crap because I've been drinking and eating for, like, two weeks.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:13:40 to 00:14:09
But you start to feel like you're bloated, you feel sluggish, things hurt, and you're like, what is going on? And then I think back, I'm like, well, I've been drinking for the last four days. Not heavy. Like, I'm not getting obliterated and pounding a bottle of crown, but three or four or five drinks in a social environment, hanging out with the family and doing that kind of thing, and I just feel like complete crap. But you can't notice the difference until you experience it without it, right?
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:14:09 to 00:14:45
Exactly. And I think I read this, I must have read it, like, ten years ago or something, where most people will die never knowing what it was like to feel good. And that really stuck with me because it made me sad that people will just go on living their lives feeling like crap and kind of just saying, well, it is what it is. Just allowing that to be just the case and not even knowing that they could feel, even if it was 1% better, that they could feel 1% better. And I think, as you notice, that it takes eliminating what it is or at least decreasing the amount of what it is.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:14:45 to 00:15:06
That's assaulting your body to be like, wait a minute. So this is a possibility, and I think that's part of it, too, is that some people just have this narrative that this is the way that it's always been this way. It's always going to be this way. And so they've kind of told themselves that, yeah, they can't even imagine that it could be something different. And so that's sad to me.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:15:06 to 00:15:28
Yeah, well, and you have to experience it. Like I said, I think you have to feel it. You have to do certain things. Like, my father died last year or so, year and a half ago, and he wasn't in great health by many strangers, in good or bad. He was kind of the catalyst for me to look and go, I don't really want to be like that.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:15:28 to 00:15:49
You know what I mean? It was kind of one of those things where he looked just like me. So it's like, okay, that's in my future if I don't figure out how to take better care of myself. But one of the things that he did on a regular basis that I would kind of harp on him about when I would see him was he loved Pepsi. It was his favorite thing.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:15:49 to 00:16:04
And he would have liter of Pepsi in his house. Every time he go to his house, there was a liter of Pepsi, and there was a jar of peanut M M's or bowl of peanut M M's sitting on the table. And he loved them. And he would just a couple here, a couple there. But at one point, he was like, drinking a liter of Pepsi a day.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:16:06 to 00:16:38
And when I would tell him, you just need to just cut back a little bit. Drink half a liter. I don't know, just drink a little bit less. But when you get into these habits and these modes, and it's almost like you're autonomic, you're just kind of doing it without thinking about it, and nothing changes because you feel the same that you've always felt, whether you know that that's bad or not, that's just how you feel. And so it's very hard to trigger changes in your behavior, which is the only thing that's going to trigger positive impacts on your health.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:16:39 to 00:17:00
And so it's kind of one of those things. It's like, well, what do you do to try to get yourself in a place where, okay, do you have to have a heart attack? Do you have to have, what is it typically in your experience with dealing with people, that's that trigger point where they go, okay, I got to start taking better care of myself, I need to start doing these things. How does that come about in most people? Yeah.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:17:01 to 00:17:06
First of all, I'm sorry about your dad. Oh, yeah. Well, unfortunate. It's sad. Yeah.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:17:06 to 00:17:39
So I think I get different types of people, but some are just very on top of their health, and they just want to make sure they continue to be. And they have, whether it's a certain smaller reason or a bigger reason why they're either high achievers and just want to make sure they continue to be on top. But then a lot of the times I get the people that have reached kind of that rock bottom situation where, and I like those, and I'll tell you why. But they reach out to me kind of at the rock bottom. Like, they just can no longer go on in this way.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:17:39 to 00:18:00
And so they realize that something has to change and they have a big why. Usually it's something that's either they've lost someone and they don't want to go down the same path or they've had that heart attack or whatever. Diabetic diagnosis or something. Exactly. And it's scary and they're realizing their own mortality and wanting to get on top of that.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:18:00 to 00:18:33
But when I get those types of clients, what I like about that is I tell them it's like, wow, it sounds like you've reached your rock bottom. And that's a good thing because that means there's nowhere you're not going down. Any further, going up from here. And so we talked earlier about just positivity, really try to focus on the positive aspects and strength based and those things, like the things that brought them there. Like, okay, yes, you've done all these behaviors that maybe led you here.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:18:33 to 00:18:55
And sometimes it's not just things that they've done, but things that have happened to them. ObviouslY, we have our own. You have to have a catalyst that gets you moving. Yeah, absolutely. And sometimes just life can be crappy and things can happen anyway, but trying to just focus on that strength of them reaching out, because that's so hard.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:18:55 to 00:19:13
In your practice, do you feel like you have more people that come to you that are the. I'm already at a certain level of fitness, and I wouldn't want to raise my game. Or do you think you have more people that come to you that are maybe not the rock bottom kind, but just folks that are. I got to figure something out and I got to get on the right path. Yeah, it's probably half.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:19:13 to 00:19:42
Oh, really? I definitely get those ones that are just like, they just want to stay on their A game or they've noticed just a little bit of slip. Or even those people who have gone through life transitions, whether it's just gotten married or had a baby or about to have a baby, wanting to prepare for that. Or I actually get a lot of older people, too, like seniors. And so, yeah, that's really neat because they're just ready to take control of their health.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:19:42 to 00:20:07
Well, longevity is a big thing now. It's a big business, I guess you could call it to some extent, just in that there's a lot of different neuroscientists and nutritionists and stuff that I follow at least that talk a lot about different activities and things to extend your life and make your life longer better. Because I think our parents maybe. How old are you? I'm 46.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:20:07 to 00:20:11
46. Okay, so we're about the same age. I'm 44. Sorry. I know.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:20:11 to 00:20:25
Is that an inappropriate. No, I don't care. I'll talk about. But I think our parents, we kind of lived in a world where it's like, well, once you get old, you're old. Well, I'm 50 now, so this is just what life is.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:20:25 to 00:20:59
And I think that mindset is starting to shift a little bit, especially in the health and wellness community of saying, no, you may have another 50 years once you hit 50, because life extension is really, if you take care of yourself and you manage your body well, and especially your mind, because it plays such a big part of that that if you handle those pieces well this day and age, with the technology that we have and the knowledge that we have, I've seen at least people talk about, there's an expectation that if you take care of yourself, you could live well into your hundreds.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:21:01 to 00:21:31
There's a difference between living a long time and then having a good life for a long time. Exactly. I think, yes, longevity part is obviously something that has been talked about for a long time, but I think more importantly is quality of life. Yes. And we've been able to through medical, we, I've done nothing, but the medical community has been able to extend life through amazing measures but keep it to what expense, to what end?
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:21:31 to 00:22:01
To where people are not actually having a good life, living longer, and they're not feeling well. And so the idea behind just what I do and people who are more on the preventive side of things is to make sure that people live a quality filled life. And even if it's something that's shorter, it's not to the hundreds, but one. That's where a person is active. Ultimately, to me, what it boils down to is to people feeling free, like the freedom to move their body, the.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:22:01 to 00:22:09
Freedom to get around. Hampered by that. Absolutely. And that's so important. And once you lose that freedom, that's.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:22:09 to 00:22:30
When things start to go downhill. Yeah, they really do. Yeah. Well, and I think that's why you see people that when they retire from work, when their job ends, death tends to happen quickly after that, even really healthy people, because it's that. And again, that goes back to the mindset, part of it that you were talking about where I think you have to have a reason to get up every day.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:22:30 to 00:22:35
You have to have a, why. Why am I waking up? What am I accomplishing? What are my goals? What am I trying to get to?
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:22:35 to 00:23:00
And if your entire life was wrapped up. My wife and I talk about this a lot with our kids, because we have two kids, we have 15 and a 14 year old, or, excuse me, a 15 and 13 year old. And that being said, we've got five or six more years of them, of my son being the last one to go, being around the house. And then after that, they're gone. And so our entire life right now pretty much revolves around them.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:23:00 to 00:23:22
So the moment that they walk out the door, then we got to figure out who we are, what we're going to do. What are we going to do now? We're not retiring from work or anything like that, but that still is a big chunk of our life that's going away, essentially. I think you have to have those reasons. That's why you see these guys that have been working at this company for 50 years doing all this stuff, then they retire one day and they're like, well, what now?
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:23:23 to 00:23:39
What am I going to do now? So that part, I think is very important when it comes to your mental health as far as like, okay, you're done working, you're done. But now you've got to have a reason to get up and go do something every day, right? Yeah, for sure. And first of all, I think we need to coin a different word.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:23:39 to 00:23:45
Like retired. It's like retired, like being tired again. I don't like it. You hate that word. I'm with you.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:23:45 to 00:23:54
I agree. That's a bad word. I mean, language is also really important, so we need to just give it a different term. But stop working because you have to. Yeah.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:23:54 to 00:24:07
And I think, do what you want. I think we should never stop working. I mean, whether it's okay, maybe you're. Not working in the field, working on mowing or going and doing loans but do something. Do something.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:24:07 to 00:24:24
And I think that's super important to that. Why? The reason that you wake up in the morning and feeling a sense of purpose that's actually really tied into people's mental health and longevity. And if they don't feel like they have a purpose, they start slowly. Just kind of that depression starts kicking in.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:24:24 to 00:24:32
Really? Yeah. All right. It's December the 30th, and the New Year's is around the corner. And this is everybody's favorite time.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:24:32 to 00:24:49
I know. I'm sure. I think it's funny because other health professionals that I know that I've spoken to, especially around this time of year, everybody kind of rolls their eyes lIke, oh, yeah, everybody's New Year's resolutions are kicking in. We're going to the gym and it's like, okay, I'm going to get my gym membership. I'm going to go to the gym.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:24:49 to 00:25:03
I'm going to go to the store and buy all my gym clothes. I'm going to get my new water bottle. I'm going to have all these little tools. I'm going to get ready to go. And then a lot of people will go once, twice, maybe even three times, and then it starts to go right downhill, right?
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:25:03 to 00:25:27
Yeah. So in your professional opinion, let's start with this. How do I stick with the goals that I'm trying to set for myself? I want to get into what the goals should be, maybe to some extent, but again, that varies by person. But just when it comes to general habits and behaviors that you can put yourself into on a regular basis to get you going in the direction that you want to go.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:25:27 to 00:25:47
Right. From your experience, what do you see people have the most success with? Yeah. So first of all, I think resolutions, it's not inherently, like, a bad thing. It's just that people generally just, they choose the same one that they chose last year because obviously it didn't work out.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:25:47 to 00:26:01
Right? Yeah. And they just decide this is the year they're going to get in shape, this is the year they're going to lose those ten pounds. This is whatever it is, and they just kind of do it. There's no plan, there's no setting up your environment.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:26:01 to 00:26:10
There's no kind of path that they have set out for themselves. They're just going to do it. And so typically what they do is they just go all in. Right. They'll go to the gym like five days a week.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:26:10 to 00:26:24
They'll just work out really hard, sore. And worn out, tired. They just put it all into it. They'll get rid of all the junk food, they'll eat all that, whatever. I'm just going to say chicken and rice and broccoli because that's the thing.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:26:24 to 00:26:28
Baked chicken, brown rice. That's the steamed broccoli. Yeah.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:26:32 to 00:26:39
And they'll not allow for anything else. They'll just do that. And then a few. It's like cold turkey. It's like you're going, you're stopped smoking.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:26:39 to 00:26:56
Never happening again. Never happening again. And they don't even identify any barriers that might come up or whatever might come up that will challenge that mindset that they have. And three weeks in, I think you're. Being generous with three weeks probably.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:26:56 to 00:27:14
I think they said like, well, kind of by January 19, people, like most people will have back to their own ways. Yeah. But I think they just kind of burn out. It's not sustainable. So I think whenever you have a goal in mind, you have to really think it out.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:27:14 to 00:27:51
It has to be something that you take seriously, and it has to be realistic. Kind of how you think, like the smart goals where it has to be something that is realistic, it has to be something that is sustainable. It has to be something that you measure. Let's say it is something that involves with weight loss, you have to measure it just so you need to know if you're on the right path. And I'm not saying getting obsessive about it, but just knowing step on a scale, just knowing kind of where you are, if you're headed in the right direction so that you can at least, like, if you've gone off course, you can know to self correct.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:27:51 to 00:28:10
Right. And so having those goals or having a resolution is not, as I said, inherently bad, but it's just that the way that people go about, how do. You put the plan together? Exactly. And I think also just not having an all or nothing mindset where, okay, I get this a lot.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:28:10 to 00:28:17
Like, I don't have an hour to work out a day. Okay, I can't fit it in. I can't fit it in. Well, you do have 24 hours. And I'm like, and how you used.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:28:17 to 00:28:28
It, those 24 hours are up to you. That too. But do you have ten minutes? And most people will say, well, yeah, I have ten minutes. Okay, well, let's do something for ten minutes a day.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:28:28 to 00:28:44
And they're like, well, what's that going to do? What good is that? Well, it's better than nothing. So to me, 1% is better than zero. And so if that means that you're walking ten minutes a day, maybe you're not an hour of workout.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:28:44 to 00:29:00
That's fine. But you're walking ten minutes a day or you're eating One more serving of vegetable, or you're sleeping ten more minutes a day, or you're doing two minutes of breathing versus the 20 minutes meditation. Right. That's amazing. That's better than what you started out with.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:29:00 to 00:29:09
And the thing is that I found that behavior begets behavior. Right. So the more you do something, the more you do it. It's a snowball effect. It is.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:29:09 to 00:29:28
And so let's say you do start going on walks. Well, that makes you want to eat better. And then when you eat better, you just sleep better. Right. And so it really doesn't matter where you start, but I would say start where is easiest for you and where the lowest hanging fruit is.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:29:28 to 00:29:43
So if someone says to me, like, the other day I had this client who's like, and actually I get this one a lot, is where they say the exercise is no big deal to me, that I enjoy. I love doing that. It's the nutrition that gets me. And I'm like, okay, well, let's start there. Let's start with the exercise.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:29:43 to 00:29:52
Let's get back into that. Do something you have success with. Yeah. Because when you feel successful, you feel motivated, reinforcing. Yeah.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:29:52 to 00:30:11
And then the more you do that, the more you want to say, well, I want to eat better. And so back to your point of with the goals. I think it's, again, making them realistic, making them sustainable long term. So we have all these fad diets and they're tools. They're great.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:30:11 to 00:30:32
Cool. Like, let's say someone decides to go low carb or keto. Those can be great tools for different situations and circumstances. So I don't want to invalidate them because they can have a purpose in the right spot. Well, I think the problem is when you try to do too much at one time, you're going to fail for sure.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:30:32 to 00:30:52
You're absolutely going to fail. And especially if you're wading into waters that you're not familiar with, like if it's not something you do on a regular basis or something, you're trying something new. More often than not, you're going to fall down and you're going to fail. Everybody does. I mean, we do all the read and watch reason.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:30:52 to 00:31:03
Like I said, the reason I want you have you in here is because there's a lot of stuff, I'm fascinated by this topic. And so I spend a lot of time and brain energy, like listening and reading. Do you know who Rhonda Patrick is. Yeah. Okay.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:31:03 to 00:31:12
So one of them, I follow her on Instagram and YouTube, Andrew Huberman and all of these guys, I'm fascinated with. This.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:31:14 to 00:31:36
And I know a lot about it, but I'm terrible at execution a lot of times because I just fail like everybody else. But I have to go back and I have to restart constantly. And when I say restart, what I'm talking about is I just go back to some basic stuff and start forming those habits again. So I read a book one time. I can't remember the name of it.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:31:37 to 00:32:14
It was some health fitness book, but it was basically saying, you want to run a marathon, that's your goal. Right. Well, if you've never run a marathon before and you don't run and that's not what you do, well, then go outside and walk around the block one time and then go back inside and be done for the day. Don't say you got to walk 10 miles and you got to just go once, and then the next day, go around the block twice and the next day three times and then so on and so forth, and then run around the block. And then you have to take those little steps, because if you don't take the small steps, you're never going to achieve the big goal.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:32:14 to 00:32:22
It's never going to get there. And you need help figuring out sometimes what those small steps are. Right? Yeah. And that's the thing.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:32:22 to 00:32:45
People, as you just put so eloquently, they'll just kind of jump to those big things and just miss those little things, those daily habits and the little things that add up. And what I encourage my clients to do is just grab one or two, maybe three if we're being ambitious. Ambitious, yes. Habits. And just do them daily.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:32:45 to 00:32:58
Consistency. Daily, daily, daily, daily. You know, Dave, my husband, he has been working out consistently for the last year and a half. So we've talked about the consistency point. He'll show up even if it's like.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:32:58 to 00:33:05
Don'T want to be there. Don't want to be there. And he'll just walk. Yeah, just do something. Just do something and do it consistently.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:33:05 to 00:33:36
It takes about 21, 22 days. I mean, the numbers don't really matter too much to form a habit, but in order to make it automatic, it's about 66 days. So people, what I find is that they'll say that they failed at something like a goal that they had set out for themselves, but really they just gave up too quickly. Right. Like they gave up at that mark that it could have become like, what if they just waited a little bit longer and continued a little bit longer, and then they would have found a little bit of success.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:33:36 to 00:33:59
Okay. And then that would have driven them to do more. And so just consistently doing those things, once you have, like, two, three habits going on, then you add a couple more, and then before you know it, you have a routine going on. And so instead of just jumping all in, just doing, as you said, the little walk and then going in the next day and doing the longer walk and then longer, and then it just becomes, like, a thing that you do. That's just what you do.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:33:59 to 00:34:21
Yeah. I've read some books over this last year or so about habits. Like, I've become very interested in habit formation. And I didn't realize how much of our daily life is just automatic. You just do what you do every day, and you don't think about it because there's certain parts of your brain that are just programmed to.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:34:21 to 00:34:39
I get up, I brush my teeth, I put my pants on, I go make coffee, I go to the bathroom. And if you really look at your routine, if you sit down and think about it, you're like, okay, am I like that? And you go, well, yeah, I do this totally. Everybody's like that. We all have our routines that we do in the morning and the evening and everything else.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:34:39 to 00:35:00
So once you're aware of that and you know that this thing exists, then you get into, okay, well, how do I change it? Because I'm like a computer. If I can program myself to do the things that I want to do and not the things that I just do because I'm already in the habit of doing theM. Well, how does that work? How do I create these things?
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:35:00 to 00:35:20
And back to the mindset and the psychology of it, the whole thing about triggering and rewards. And I got into a habit where and I've in and out of it because I've added things to it, but I wanted to do push ups in the morning. I wanted to get up because it gets my blood flowing. And I'm a guy. I want to get some brick muscles, all that kind of stuff.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:35:20 to 00:35:31
So I would wake up, and the first thing I always do is brush my teeth because I'm a mouth breather. So I'm like, mouth disgusting in the morning. Great visuals. I'm loving this. That's right.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:35:31 to 00:35:48
So I wake up, I want to brush my teeth because my mouth is gross. And then I would do push ups. I would do, like, 20, right? And my goal was like, oh, you 20 more later or 20 more later, whatever. But just that first round of doing that, there was a good, solid six or eight months of me doing that consistently.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:35:48 to 00:36:01
I maybe never got to the next 20 or the next 20 or whatever, but just that trigger of brushing my teeth told my brain, oh, now we got to do the push ups. And I would do it without thinking about it necessarily. You know what I mean? Once you get to a certain point. Yes.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:36:01 to 00:36:13
That's habit stacking, what you just did there. Yeah. Okay. That's actually a great thing. So what you did is that, let's say someone was brushing their teeth and then they decided to do squats with it.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:36:13 to 00:36:29
Okay? But what you did is you said, every time that I'm done brushing my teeth, I'm going to go do my push ups. And so you stacked a habit that you already have, and then you added something to it that you're trying to learn, and so it becomes something that becomes paired with it. Okay? And that's a really good way to learn a new habit.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:36:29 to 00:36:51
So let's say while I'm preparing my coffee, I want to incorporate breathing or meditation. So I'm making the coffee. It's kind of meditative. Anyway, this is a really good time to either, like, you can practice gratitude or just have a few moments of just breathing or just meditation, whatever it is that you want to do. So real quick, because you're saying, talking about the meditation stuff, and this is why this thing's going to go on forever.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:36:52 to 00:37:17
But when someone introduced me to meditation a long time ago, and I'm sitting there, I'm like, what are you talking about? Yeah, you want me to sit and think about what? Think about nothing. Well, I can't think about nothing because my brain is always going constantly. But then I talked to somebody else, read a book, and it was put into a different perspective for me that it's exercise, okay?
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:37:17 to 00:37:51
It's brain exercise. Because when your brain makes you do the things that you do on a daily basis without thinking about it, and you don't have control over that behavior, you have to exercise that muscle in order to get control over those behaviors. So whether it be emotional or whether it be you overreact to stuff or you get really angry about something, or whatever the case may be, learning how to control that is very important. And I think when you say meditation, I think a lot of people get into the woo world. They're like, oh, here we go.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:37:51 to 00:38:11
We're going to hold our fingers and go, but will you talk about just a little bit about that? That's not necessarily what that is all that it can get there. And there can be wonderful things that happen. That's why it's called a practice once you get to that point. But can you elaborate a little bit on the whole meditation thing and calming your mind and what the benefits of that are?
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:38:11 to 00:38:16
Yeah. So to me, yes, I'm with you. That it can be really hard to just. Well, what do you mean? I can't think of something.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:38:16 to 00:38:29
I can't think of anything. I'm constantly thinking. But it's bringing yourself back to your breath. So let's say you are starting to think about, well, what do I have to pick up for the kids after school or what's going on? Just constantly bring yourself.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:38:29 to 00:38:39
Okay, breathe. Breathe. So you can use whatever word it is that you want to use to bring yourself back in. For me, it's breathing or visualizing a place for yourself that just feels calming. And it is.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:38:39 to 00:38:54
It's learning how to center yourself. Well, you're controlling your brain. Yes. And practicing it daily so that when, because it will happen, it's not if, but when something happens that is going to rattle you, you'll be able to breathe through it. Right.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:38:54 to 00:39:19
And that's really hard to do. Right. Because especially if you're a reactive person or if you're kind of emotionally forward, like that's where you're driven by that, it's going to be harder to do. So that's why, as you said, it is called a practice, because you have to constantly practice that. Not to mention that if you start your day in that kind of state versus like going on your emails or checking the news immediately getting all the.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:39:19 to 00:39:39
Dopamine hits to your brain exactly this. Way, you're setting this intention and also you're practicing this intention of just bringing more calm and then being able to handle what it is that's coming your way, it doesn't mean it's going to be perfect. I practice and I'm still. No, not at all. Yes, I've gone in and out of doing it.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:39:39 to 00:40:23
One of the things that I do now that I've been doing for, I don't know, about a couple of months is, and this I got from Andrew Huberman was in the morning when I wake know, I used to drink coffee like right away my wife and I just brew a cup and we're ready to go. But then you kind of experience a little afternoon sluggishness. And I don't know the science, he could explain it, but essentially the concept is you get out of bed natural light is very important when you wake up because you have natural rhythms, circadian rhythms in your body that tell you when to be awake and tell you when to sleep. And phones interact with that all the time because of the light, the blue light that comes out of these and screens and all that kind of stuff. So in the morning you get up or I get up, and the first thing I do is I go outside and I go walk, and I go walk.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:40:23 to 00:40:33
I usually go walk for about 30 minutes. I'm not running, I'm not sprinting. I'm literally just walking. Now. Sometimes I listen to a book, sometimes I don't listen to anything if I just want to.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:40:33 to 00:40:56
It's like a meditative thing where I'm just walking with my own thoughts. Sometimes I'm thinking about stuff, sometimes I'm not. It just depends on the circumstance of the day and what's going on, but it puts me in a place where I don't check my email, I'm not checking social media, I'm not reading anything. Sometimes the listening part of it is, that's why I get vacillate on it a little bit. But then outside you get the natural light and then you get movement.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:40:56 to 00:41:25
And that was the part I didn't know, too. Is that your visual field, when you're walking, you're seeing things moving around? Well, this kind of cues your body to be awake naturally on its own. And then his thing is then you can go get the coffee like an hour and a half later. Because now all of those cellular triggers or whatever's happening in there is reset to a place that you're not requiring something artificial to get your body awake in an alert state.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:41:25 to 00:41:55
And then you can use the artificial stuff later on for sure. But that's just something that, for me, that I've started to adopt in my routine just because it is, like you said, in the morning, it's just relaxing. It puts me in a place where I'm not. There's always stress and things like that, but at least I feel like I have control over it in that situation. Yeah, I think for us too, getting our workouts in the morning is super important and getting some sun is important too, in daily walks and things like that.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:41:55 to 00:42:22
And when you start your day in that fashion versus again, just jumping into all the things that just trigger you, for me, it's made a huge difference. I've been practicing that the last couple of years. Just like not going to emails first, not going to all those things first, and it's amazing. Well, can you say, how important, or give me your opinion on how important it is to have time to yourself where you just. I say, just think, right?
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:42:22 to 00:42:30
You're just sitting and thinking. You're not being stimulated. Because right now we live in this world where there's so much stimulation. That's a problem I have with my kids. To some extent.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:42:30 to 00:42:43
It's my fault. I'm not blaming them. Sure, because we give them the TV or the screens and the phones and the PlayStations and everything else. At least as kids when we were growing up, we had to be bored. We would sit in a doctor's office for four and a half hours waiting to go see the doctor.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:42:44 to 00:43:06
And there was nothing to do but read the highlights magazine or play with the little wires with the balls that go around. So there was nothing to do. And I'm not saying we had stimulation too. And it all varies by generation, but it's become such an issue now in our society that nobody has time to either. Whether you want to call it be bored, whether you want to call it think to yourself, whatever.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:43:06 to 00:43:24
But how important is that, especially for your mental health? I think it's profound. It's very important. I think, in my opinion, my very humble opinion, it's one of the causes of burnout, which a lot of people are experiencing these days, is that we're just overstimulated. It's just constant.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:43:24 to 00:43:35
We can't hide from anything, right? We're constantly being bombarded by either emails or whatever other stimuli we have around us. And it's just getting more and more and more. And it's just overwhelming. Right.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:43:35 to 00:44:04
And so we need to have some kind of daily practice where we're just like. We just get. Take a breath for that because you just have to get away from it all to just reflect on what it is that you're thinking and feeling, or maybe even just be it with nature. I mean, we are so disconnected from nature anyway, and so just have that time to just get away from all these artificial stimuli, which I'm so grateful for. Technology, it's wonderful.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:44:04 to 00:44:20
Great tools, great tools. But to have it all the time, that really just goes against just our human needs. Back to what you said. Your new habits are of just getting outside. Those are things that people were doing forever, always.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:44:20 to 00:44:43
Yeah, that's been the default before now. And many of the things that we're experiencing these days, whether it's on the physical level or mental, but it's all connected just as humans. It is because we're just constantly stimulated by things around us and we're not following. Just like the natural rhythm of things. And so very important.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:44:43 to 00:44:57
Yeah. It puts you in a place where if you don't have that, and you see that term nowadays, they call it, what is it? Quiet quitting. Have you seen, you know, employees of companies and that kind of thing? We got Conrad here.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:44:57 to 00:45:27
He's talking about basketball as his meditation. He's my official contributor to the show from the outside, him and his young son. They just won their first basketball tournament this weekend. So I know they're pumped up at the Jackson household, so shout out to him. But I think when there's this new thing called quiet quitting that's occurring when you talk about burnout and people not being able, and they think, well, I'm overstressed.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:45:27 to 00:45:36
And it's like, what's the solution? That's why we drink too much. That's why we do drugs. That's why we, you know, some people, they'll go run. That's their addiction.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:45:36 to 00:46:02
They'll go out there and just run for 2 hours because they got to get everything out of their head. But you have to have that time to yourself or else you get to those points where you just give up and you're just like, I can't do it anymore. I don't know. On this piece right here, did you grow up in Israel? So I was born in San Diego and then my parents are Israeli.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:46:02 to 00:46:17
I moved to Israel when I was six. I was there till I was twelve. I spent summers there afterwards. So I had formative years there, but then came here for my. So I don't know if it's the same what I would call the European model, if it kind of falls into the same thing.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:46:17 to 00:46:43
But the idea behind like work is important. You need to work. You got to support your family and have missions, goals. But time to yourself is also important. The whole idea of whether it's the Siesta in the Spanish culture or if it's working four days a week as opposed to five or on and off days or whatever, do you feel like that that's a better model as far as for mental health?
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:46:43 to 00:47:08
Yeah. Are you talking about like a four day? We live in the United States and it's just go, work, work, succeed, succeed, succeed, as opposed to just like it's okay to not hustle every day. Well, I think whether it's my opinion or not, I think the evidence is kind of in the, we're seeing people sick, physically, mentally, emotionally, they're just not doing well. Right.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:47:08 to 00:47:32
And as you said, we're in that very hustle type of culture where just go all the time and go around the clock, and time off is just something that we have to constantly earn versus this right of just having time off. And so I think there's evidence for that. Now, Israel is not like, Israel is more like here, but in the. I mean, it's. You have to take a month off.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:47:33 to 00:47:50
Those things are, you have to spend time with your family, eating meals, and so definitely that's a better model. Well, I think it's funny because everybody has extremes, and somebody will hear that and go, yeah, I should take time to myself. And then all they do is take time to themselves. It's like, okay, wait a minute. There's a balance, right?
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:47:50 to 00:48:23
Absolutely. You got to hustle, but you also got to take time for yourself and reward yourself for that, too. Yeah. So if you were talking to somebody who came into your office and they said, okay, I am ready to get things back on track, maybe they're not rock bottom, but let's just say they haven't been in a place where they've taken care of their body or their mind and they're trying to get to a place. What would you say are some call them core tenants that are pretty universal?
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:48:23 to 00:48:51
Again, nothing is 100% sure, but what would you say that if you want to start somewhere, I would do these things, these three or four things, to get you in the right direction, because, A, it's maybe easier. It's a simple thing. B, I think it's important to get feedback from your body because you'll feel better if you do these things, and that will lead to other better behaviors. So what would you Say are some stuff that kind of fit into those categories that people should look at? Yeah.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:48:51 to 00:49:06
So, first of all, I kind of would want to know what they're doing. Well, right now, let's start them out, because you want to meet the person where they are and start where they are. Okay, so what do you like to do? What are you into, and what have you succeeded with in the past? What has worked for you?
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:49:06 to 00:49:15
So, again, I love my dogs. So I'll be your patient. We'll play a little role. Play your client. Sorry, your client.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:49:15 to 00:49:27
Okay. So I come into your office, and I say, okay, Donna, I feel like crap every day. I want to start feeling better. I'm motivated to get it done. 2023 is going to be my year.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:49:27 to 00:49:39
So what do I do? Okay, so tell me a bit about what has been going well for you in the past. Before you came to me. What have you been doing? Well, well, I don't do much well, honestly.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:49:39 to 00:49:44
I sleep in a little bit too long that I would prefer to. I stay up too late.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:49:47 to 00:50:04
I enjoy spending time with my dogs and we get in the pool a lot and play in the water and they enjoy that as well. And then I spend a lot of time with my kids and I like spending time with my kids. That's awesome. You just said that you're not doing a lot. Well.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:50:04 to 00:50:09
Well, you are. Okay. See, you're positive reinforcement. I like that. Absolutely.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:50:09 to 00:50:17
So it sounds like you like being active with your dogs and your kids. Yes. That's awesome. If you call it active. I mean, I'm usually sitting in a chair watching, but.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:50:17 to 00:50:28
Okay, let's get active. Let's get active. But back to the core tenets. I think some of the things that we look at, like if we were going to look at the pillars of health, right. So there is going to be.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:50:28 to 00:50:40
To me, I used to say that nutrition was the top thing. That was my passion, nutrition. It starts with nutrition, but I have completely changed my mind on that. Okay. Sleep is number one.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:50:40 to 00:50:50
Okay. Sleep, yes, I've heard that. And if you don't get your sleep, everything else is just going to fall off. So we're definitely going to be looking at what your sleep looks like. Right.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:50:50 to 00:51:13
SO what would you say on sleep? What are some very important things that you need to pay attention to to make sure that you sleep well? Yeah. So your evening routine, or the one that's setting you up for it, actually starts in the morning. But let's say a nighttime routine for having successful sleep would be just winding down.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:51:13 to 00:51:35
Having a routine that just kind of calms you down at the end of the night. Not checking your emails, not being on. Facebook, staying away from screens, probably. I know that's tough, but if you can at least like half an hour before you go to bed and then having some kind of relaxing routine, whether it's washing your face or brushing your teeth and just like dimming the lights, something that really sets the tone, maybe. A little mommy and daddy time, whatever.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:51:36 to 00:51:47
That's actually great. Yes, but that's great. What about timing? Is it important to go to bed at the same time and wake up? Yeah.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:51:47 to 00:52:09
And they say that before eleven is like when your body is just going to have a better. So if you were to sleep from eleven to seven, let's say you're going to have a better sleep cycle than if you were to go to bed at one and wake up at nine. So it might be the same amount of hours, but we're kind of messing with the way natural because it has. To do with like when the sun goes down and when the sun comes up a little bit. Right.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:52:09 to 00:52:16
And some of just our internal circadian rhythm of things. So I'm not an expert in that at all.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:52:18 to 00:52:24
So timing is important. Timing is important. And then making sure your room. We talked about this earlier. Room has to be kind of in a cool temperature.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:52:24 to 00:52:47
I know everyone is different, but the optimal would be between 63 to 68, 69 degrees in your room. So it's better to sleep in the cool than it is in warm for sure. Okay. And whether it is that you have to have some completely complete darkness, but you can do some white noise. I mean, Dave and I have like this.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:52:47 to 00:52:59
You got a whole thing. No, it's like when we go out of town, we're like, okay, we have to. Just got to bring the fan. But there's actually like the box fan on Spotify that we figured out. And it's just like a game changer.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:53:01 to 00:53:13
And also making sure you don't eat anything too heavy or drink too much before bed because that messes up your sleep. It really does. Yeah. I drink a lot of water before I go to bed, and I got to go to the bathroom pretty early. Does that kind of throw it off a little bit too?
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:53:13 to 00:53:22
Scale that down a little bit to. The earlier parts of the day? Not that I don't do that sometimes too, so don't. Seems like when I'm just sitting there, I'm drinking, thirsty. I'm thirsty.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:53:22 to 00:53:36
Well, at least I stopped drinking whiskey. I guess that is a good thing because that will definitely disrupt your sleep. So I have like, sleep, and then to me, stress management is right under it. Okay. When you say stress management, what do you mean?
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:53:37 to 00:53:46
Any coping strategies that you use to manage your stress deal with whatever. It's like journaling or something like that. Whatever. It could be journaling. And I don't necessarily mean you're doing it before bed, but it can be.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:53:46 to 00:53:56
So whatever it is that use. I mean, for you, it could be like playing video games or it could be like going for a walk. Some people would call it like decompressing, maybe. Yeah. Okay.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:53:56 to 00:54:26
Something that you use. Some people watch a show just to shut their brain off. Yeah, got it. But whatever it is, and it doesn't have to be just one thing, can be a few things, but definitely managing your stress, whether it is using just tools on your own or seeking professional help for that that's really important and all of those things, especially as it applies to making, let's say you're trying to make lifestyle changes. You can take care of your nutrition and exercise and it's all great, but if you're not taking care of those other things, it's just not going to be optimal.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:54:26 to 00:54:45
Right. Because you're releasing all these hormones that are just going to get in the way of you really just living your best. Well. And if you're not rested, then you're not going to want to get up and work out and you're not going to Feel great after you're done because you're just going to be tired because you didn't get enough sleep and all those kinds. So, yeah, I mean, I can see how that all relates to each other.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:54:45 to 00:55:03
Absolutely. Not to mention the hormones that are released whenever you're not sleeping well and you're hungrier, you're not satisfied, your cortisol levels are up your belly fat, the cortisol levels that's associated with belly fat. And so it can just kind of hinder your, and that all kicks up. Because of lack of sleep and stress. Those two things.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:55:03 to 00:55:29
Those two things are just like paramount to everything else. Well, how do people, what are some things that you would suggest specifically when it comes to dealing with stress? I think there's two schools of thought when it comes to stress in that individuals. Not that it's what it is, but it's like either you're going, well, I'm stressed, but I got to get over it. I suffer from this.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:55:29 to 00:55:35
Like, okay, I'm having a stressful day, but suck it up. Get over yourself. Quit dealing with it. That's what's going on my brain. Stop being a whiny.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:55:35 to 00:55:43
What? Just deal with it. And then there's the other side of everything's stressful. I'm always stressed. Everything brings me stress.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:55:44 to 00:55:55
The yellow light turned red too soon. Oh, my gosh, my day is ruined. You know what I mean? There's both of those sides. What would you suggest to somebody who they're all stressed.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:55:55 to 00:56:26
By the way, though, one of the things that I've heard recently that I think is brilliant is somebody said, the worst thing that's ever happened to you is still the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Meaning maybe I broke my leg last week and that's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And maybe you lost your child the week before that and that's the worst thing that's ever happened to you. Well, obviously somebody from the outside is going to go, well, that's obviously way worse than you breaking your leg. Okay.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:56:26 to 00:56:38
But the emotions and the stuff that you feel, because I've never experienced the loss of a child or anything like that. That's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. So the emotions are similar. They're not measured the same. They're not, whatever.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:56:39 to 00:56:57
But what that's saying is just like, just because it doesn't seem like it's that bad to you in that moment, it's still a stressful situation and causes. I think, definitely it's our perception of what it is. It's all about perception. Right. Because you're living the world through your eyes.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:56:57 to 00:57:17
Absolutely. And nobody else is. And your body will react to stressors in the same way, especially if you're a person who is just more reactive in that way. Whether you're being chased by a dog or you were late turning something in, your body is still going to react the same way. Yeah.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:57:17 to 00:57:29
Your heart rate is going to go up. And the thing is, we live in a world where we're chronically stressed. It's not like, not that it was easy living back in the day when you're being chased by things, but the. Emotions are still the same. Right?
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:57:29 to 00:58:00
They're the same, but they had moments of just, like, calm and not, whereas now it's constantly chasing us. And so the stress management piece is so important because we're constantly in a high stress level back to what we were talking about, where we're constantly stimulated. That's one of the contributors of that, is that you'll get emails from this and then you'll get news from this, and then you'll get sounds from that or a ping from something. So it's this constant stress. Yes.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:58:01 to 00:58:25
And that's why just finding something, if you are one of those people that just kind of says, all right, we'll just shove it. Just so you know, it's going to come back. If you were to tell your kid, I always use this, if you were going to tell your child to go clean their room and they're like, sure, I'll go clean my room. And then you come in there and they're like, it's perfect, isn't it? And then you open up the closet and everything falls out.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:58:25 to 00:58:38
It's the same thing eventually. And you and I had talked about this earlier, too, is that the body stores these emotions, right? And so you may think liKe, I'm good. I'm such a dude. I hold all my feelings together.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:58:38 to 00:58:51
No one knows. Everything's fine. And meanwhile, pestering somewhere in your body. You have a tumor in my stomach. Well, even if it's just like, you have back issues and you're just, like, holding and you're just like.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:58:51 to 00:59:02
I don't know what's happening here. That energy has got to go somewhere. It's got to go somewhere. So you have to find a way. And obviously, I'm a huge proponent of therapy.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 00:59:02 to 00:59:22
I think anyone would benefit from therapy, but it's not for everyone. Like, some people just. It doesn't speak to them or it's just not the right tool for them. But there are ways to have therapy without being. I think when you say therapy, unfortunately, it has probably a negative connotation to it to some people, not to everybody.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:59:24 to 00:59:55
That's because of the way they think that they're laying on a couch, they're spilling their guts to some stranger who's going to tell them how to fix all their problems. At least, I've never personally had therapy myself, but I know others that have. You are now, by the way. But that's what I was going to say is this is a form of therapy. When you talk to somebody and you tell them, and especially the reason that the stranger part is so beneficial is because there's what I guess you would say, maybe less fear of judgment, because it's not somebody that you know.
Mike Mills (Host) | 00:59:55 to 01:00:10
So when you tell somebody, your deepest, darkest interferes, or whatever they may be, that's a complete stranger. That is a professional that's not there. That's pretty cathartic, I think, because those are things that people hold inside. They don't let it out. And like you said, it builds up.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:00:10 to 01:00:26
Your back hurts, your neck hurts, you've got a cough or whatever the case may be. But I think it gets lost on the fact that, like you just said, there's a lot of things that are therapy Conrad's talking about. This is why he plays basketball. It's his stress reliever. That's his therapy.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:00:26 to 01:00:57
Your therapy is speaking to someone is maybe spending time with your mom and talking to her and going through whatever happened in your day or your week or whatever. And I think that women are way better at this than I think men are because they're more vocal, generally speaking, they're a little bit more verbal with how they feel and what they're thinking. And I'm that way a little bit just because I talk so damn much. But that's kind of my. It drives my wife crazy because I'm the talker and she's not.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:00:57 to 01:01:06
And so I'll just go and go and go and go and go. She's like, are we done? Are we finished with this? No, I call it getting the poison out. I'm still getting my poison out.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:01:06 to 01:01:27
Great. Yeah. And actually, by the way, from the way that we are brought up, that's why boys and men are like that. It's not so much that, actually, I was just reading yesterday that when you compare six year old boys and girls, the boys are more emotional than the girls are. So I think, sadly, you're taught out of.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:01:27 to 01:01:31
Shut up. Don't say anything. Yeah, you're fine. Quit crying. Exactly.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:01:31 to 01:01:32
I'm guilty of that, by the way.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:01:35 to 01:01:48
I know it does have a negative connotation for people, but just getting it out in some way. So, like Conrad was saying, like, basketball, whatever. Yeah, go talk to your boys. Hang out however you're doing it. But I think talking about things and.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:01:48 to 01:02:01
Just that interpersonal social interaction with people is important. Right. Important. And back to our conversation about longevity. I think if you look at, like, there's a whole talk about blue zones, like, what are some of the common threads?
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:02:01 to 01:02:27
And I think one of the common threads is that they have that social interaction with people on a daily basis. Yeah. Community is really important, just talking to people. Well, there was a long time, and I saw this somewhere where, like, Okinawa, Japan, has always been used as kind of like the. Because they had the longest lifespan of anybody, and they always talked about their diet, and they talked about, well, they eat fish, and it's the healthy fats and the rice.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:02:27 to 01:02:49
And that was the narrative for a very long time. Well, just within the last maybe ten years or so that I've seen, it started to change and morph a little bit and that the diet was a part of it, for sure. But what was also a big part of it was they walked everywhere they went. There were very little automobile cars or transportation on the island because it's a smaller island. So village to village, they're walking.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:02:49 to 01:03:16
And again, it's kind of an older mentality or an older world of, I'm talking to my neighbor, I'm visiting my aunt. That's two villages over. And there was that sense of community there. So not only are they getting out and exercising, whatever you want to call it, they're moving, and then they're also in that same, because that puts you in a great mindset. And now you're walking over to your neighbors and you're going to chat with them for an hour and talk about how their family is doing and all that kind of stuff.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:03:16 to 01:03:36
And that is another level of that mental, whatever you want to call it, resilience. Yeah. That just kind of helps those people live so long because they just have all these perfect factors, and it's just their culture. It's not like it was designed that way. It's just who they are.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:03:36 to 01:04:04
They don't drive to a gym to go do that. It's part of who they are. And I think, again, going back to what you asked, what people can do. So, like, the piece about sleep stress management, and then when it applies to nutrition, I think just, again, not taking that all or nothing type of approach, but just doing more of what you think that works for you and less of what doesn't. And that takes a lot of trial and error because what works for me may not work for you and vice versa.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:04:04 to 01:04:17
Right. But there are some things, some things. That we can agree upon that are. Kind of like, don't do that. What I will say, like, going into the new year, I think people have really just not paid attention to their intake of protein.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:04:17 to 01:04:28
And I wanted to make sure that I didn't say this because I think, like, not enough. Not enough protein. Okay. And I follow this one doctor, and her name is Dr. Gabrielle Lyon.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:04:28 to 01:04:40
I don't know if you've heard of her, but she's very muscle centric. So it's all about muscle is the Organ of longevity. Right. Supports bones and joints and keeps you losing. Yes.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:04:40 to 01:04:52
And once you start. So it's the key to metabolic health. I really feel like it's the gold Mine. But once you start losing muscle, you're losing bone, too. And then how we talked about freedom, you start losing freedom because you're not moving around and you're not as mobile.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:04:52 to 01:05:17
And then as people age, some of the things that she has seen, because she has worked with the senior community and people who are literally on their deathbed and they've just literally just deteriorated to nothing. And they just don't have a lot of support for their body. Like, their whole structure is pretty much gone. And so going back to protein people, just, especially for some reason, women don't consume enough of it. I think there's just kind of like this whole.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:05:18 to 01:05:30
I actually don't know why I'm a big protein person. So I'm not sure why. My wife's kind of that way a little bit. And she says, I may be misquoting her, but she sometimes has stomach issues with it. It bothers her.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:05:30 to 01:05:50
But I don't know if that's lack of. It's kind of one of those, like, if you don't do it regularly, then you don't get used to it. It could be like some Enzymes for it, but it just depends, obviously, on the type of proteins that you're consuming. Now, if you're someone who eats animal products, then it's easier to get enough protein. Are you a vegetarian or Vegan?
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:05:50 to 01:05:55
Not at All. No. Were you at one point? I was when I was younger. Okay.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:05:55 to 01:06:12
But it had no reason whatsoever because it was just something that I was doing. But my dad had a heart attack when I was 13. Well, there is a reason. MY dad had a Heart attack when I was 13. And so we were told, red meat, get rid of all the red meat.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:06:12 to 01:06:35
Do not Eat any fat. So I grew up on. Isn't that so horrible that cookies that have no fat? Yeah, it was Very bad. Can you speak to that just real quick, just for Anybody that's not familiar with the whole thing about Where We Went from, say, seventy s, eighty s, fifty s, sixty s, whatever, all the way up to now where it used to be low fat, no red meat.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:06:35 to 01:06:48
This is how you kept yourself from having heart disease, right? Yeah. That's not true. One of the worst things that we could have been taught. And you and I grew up in that time, and I was personally affected because my dad had a heart attack.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:06:48 to 01:07:00
So they were like, and these are coming from doctors. No eggs, no meat. Just eat like, cholesterol is bad. All that. Yeah, all the low fat, high carbie stuff.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:07:00 to 01:07:06
So I would use vegetable oil. Don't use butter. Yeah, none of that. We had margarine. Margarine.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:07:06 to 01:07:22
Here's all this vegetable oil in your food. Don't put that fat in there. That's bad for you. It was awful. So definitely, I kind of became more vegetarian and then kind of vegan just because I thought, I guess it was a great idea, but I was horribly sick from it.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:07:22 to 01:07:42
And I told you just earlier that I have celiac. And I think that really just tipped things over because I was consuming a lot of things that were not real food and eating the things that, well. That'S what happens to a lot of people that go vegetarian or Vegan, is that they end up eating a lot of carbohydrates and a lot of sugars. Kind of the same. And for some people, that works, by the way, I don't want to, like.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:07:43 to 01:07:53
Again, not one size fit all. Yes. And I think if you manage that diet well, and you're very well versed in how it works. I don't. You can definitely do it well, but.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:07:53 to 01:08:11
Even when you hear people say things like, and I've heard this before, I don't know if this is true about, like, broccoli has protein, right? Tofu has protein. Yeah, that's true. They do. But from what I understand, or what I've read, is that there's a difference between having protein and being bioavailable, meaning your body can actually absorb it.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:08:11 to 01:08:25
And when you were saying the thing about eggs, that's another thing that I've learned this year. I've always loved eggs, but I didn't realize, I read somewhere it was, like, the most. Next to breast milk. So breast milk was number one, and then. Right.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:08:25 to 01:08:44
Second to breast milk, the entire makeup of that egg is used by your body, essentially. I can't remember what the term they called for it, but it was basically, like, 89% or 90% of what is in that egg your body will use. And it will form muscle, it'll form tissue. It turns into something highly bioavailable. Yes.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:08:44 to 01:09:10
But then something like a piece of broccoli has benefits. It's got fiber, it's got all that kind of stuff. But the protein that's there, for whatever reason, your cells, your body, can't actually access it as well or access it as well as they can from a steak or a piece of chicken or an egg. Not to mention that you need a lot of broccoli in order to meet those needs. When I'm talking with my clients, I'm like, for every meal that you have, aim for at least 30 grams of protein.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:09:10 to 01:09:22
And I'm being very like, I would love if it was like, 50 grams. How many grams of protein are in, like, say, an eight ounce steak? Eight ounce steak? Well, it depends on the steak and the amount of fat that has. But eight ounce could have a nice, like, 45.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:09:22 to 01:09:25
Okay. Yeah. Okay. So you could get away with it. Absolutely.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:09:25 to 01:09:55
And there's chicken, there's eggs. For people who are on the vegetarian and vegan, they have to be more thoughtful in the way that they're planning their meals. Do you supplement protein? I think there are definitely ways that you can supplement wisely. And to me, when it comes to whey protein isolate, I think that's a great supplement for people who don't have any issues with dairy or anything.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:09:56 to 01:10:08
Right. And for other people who are not or who are vegetarian or vegan. I'm sorry, I'm being distracted right now. By my phone. That's why I lost my train of, no, you're fine.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:10:09 to 01:10:39
But there are pea proteins and rice protein blends and things like that that they can supplement as well if they're having issues. But I think just that protein piece can lead to satiety, to blood sugar balance. And it's not that, I think from what my understanding of the science and also making sure that they have muscle, that they're not losing muscle, but even building muscle. Right. And that's really important for longevity and just for metabolic health.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:10:39 to 01:11:09
Well, they have a lot of treatments, or I should say, like, when they go to older people, when they do therapy and stuff, there's a lot of weight training that occurs now. I mean, sometimes it's body weight and that kind of thing. But because of what you were saying, the building muscle into older age and maintaining muscle is very important because it stabilizes your entire body and you can continue to walk around, you can continue to move well. And that's where I saw a shift. Susan, my wife, she had hip replacement surgery.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:11:10 to 01:11:30
It's been about a year, I guess, year and a half. Okay. She was a congenital thing that she had. It just deteriorated over time or whatever. But know, the old way of having a major surgery like that was you have surgery, they replace this part of your body and then you rest and then you let it repair.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:11:32 to 01:11:58
Now it's shifted dramatically. The day after she went in under the knife, had the surgery, it ended at, I don't know, 03:00 in the afternoon. She slept for the rest of the day. They woke her up the next morning at 06:00 and she had to start walking immediately because they said you have to build up the tissue and the muscles around that. And if you lay there and you don't move, they'll atrophy and it gets worse and recovery time takes longer.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:11:58 to 01:12:11
Right, absolutely. And so that's where the exercise piece comes in. So, like, yes, you're eating these foods, but you have to have this stimuli to build. Right. And that's at every age.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:12:11 to 01:12:36
At every age, you should be doing some kind of resistance training. So it's something that would be personalized to you, but what your abilities are. But I think starting with two to three days of some kind of resistance training. So, again, going to our conversation of what would I encourage people to do? And then along with that, having daily walks of, at least if you could do 30 minutes, awesome.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:12:36 to 01:12:50
If you could do an hour, awesomE. But just walking, those two things are going to help. Can you explain to people why walking is so important, because I think people think, well, I'm just walking. My heart rate is not really getting up.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:12:52 to 01:13:07
I didn't realize, actually, until a couple of years ago how impactful it was to some extent. But can you explain that? Yeah, I think the number one thing is that it's the most accessible, so you don't have to do much in order to go walking. Right. And it's the most sustainable.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:13:08 to 01:13:44
So you're not putting yourself out by doing these hard cardio sessions. Not to mention that when you're moving your body, so you're utilizing your glucose, and so you're maintaining healthy blood sugar levels and just on a cellular level, just utilizing everything to the best of its capacity. But because it's sustainable, it's something that you can just do every day. Right. And what I found is that, because, again, not just I found, but this is from what I've read, so not just anecdotally working with clients, but also from what I read.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:13:44 to 01:14:03
So the science says. The science says that when we're just doing something like that, kind of at a low level, we don't tend to go home and get really hungry as opposed to like a hard cardio session. And so a lot of times where people are just like working out so. Hard, they eat hard too. They eat hard too.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:14:03 to 01:14:26
And it's not enough to cover what the workout was or they're eating above maintenance. Well, plus two, when your workouts fall off and you don't work out hard, but you still kind of eat hard. You'Re continuing those same habits, whereas walking, because it's low grade, in fact, it can help manage that. And if you take a walk after you eat. Yes, I've heard that.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:14:26 to 01:14:41
Blood sugar down. Yeah. So those are great things. If you could do two to four or if you have the ability three to five resistance training, it doesn't have to be long. It can be 20 minutes per week or per time that you're doing.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:14:41 to 01:14:50
And by the way, again, just do something. Just do something. It doesn't have to be start with one day. I would love that. And that could be like a whole body situation, just moving your body with bands or body weight.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:14:51 to 01:15:13
Body weight. I think, again, this is stuff that I learned a little while ago, but I didn't realize some of the benefits of just using your. But I mean, what are they called? Hindu squats, where you go all the way down deep Hindu, this little thing. But that's just purely body weight push ups, pull ups, all of those type of things.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:15:13 to 01:15:40
Anything that you can do just to work on some core, or I should say the major muscle groups, your back, your legs, those kind of things, because then you get all the fat burning benefits of it. You get the lower blood sugar levels and all of those things that kind of just overall make you feel better. And like you said, you don't have to do 1000 push ups. Like, just do ten. Start somewhere.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:15:41 to 01:15:44
Start doing ten. Start where you are. Start where you are. I like that. Yes.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:15:44 to 01:15:57
Start where you are. And then just do one more tomorrow and then another one. And then another one. And just keep showing up for yourself and do 1%, even if you're just doing 1%, just keep showing up even on a day that you're not feeling well. Even just show up and just like something.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:15:57 to 01:16:16
Yeah, but of course, with that honor, if you're really not feeling well, honor that and take care of yourself and do what you need to do. So, I mean, there definitely has to be some flexibility there, right? Would you say there's a benefit to a reward system for yourself a little. Bit, too, along the way because you're not going to see, don't punish yourself. So much if you fail?
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:16:16 to 01:16:35
No. And I think not seeing anything really not seeing anything as a failure, seeing it as a learning, this has just not worked for me. So what have I learned from this and what can I do differently? And, heck, I mean, the fact that you even tried to meet that success, I don't even like to look at things as failures. I really don't.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:16:35 to 01:16:52
And it's not me being optimistic. I just don't think there are. I think that didn't work. I love Bryant, okay? And not because of, like, because I'm a Mavs fan in Lakers, and Kobe beat us for a long time.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:16:52 to 01:17:23
But after he passed away, I got into kind of his mentality side of things a little bit and how we talked about tools, social media tools. My TikTok is filled with Kobe and these guys that are motivational people and whatever, just because that's what I. It's not people dancing or cat videos. You can craft your tools to whatever you want them to be. But anyway, he's got one where he's doing an interview and somebody asks him, how do you deal with failure?
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:17:23 to 01:17:30
And he kind of gets pissed. He's like, I don't even know what that is. He's like, what does that even mean? What is failure? He's like, I did this thing.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:17:30 to 01:17:43
It didn't work out the way I wanted it to. Well, I got to get up tomorrow and do something else anyway. So why would I dwell on this thing that didn't turn out the way I wanted to? He's like, that's a stupid word. I don't even like the word failure because it's just learning.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:17:43 to 01:17:51
I just learned I did something wrong. I don't want to do it that way anymore. Now I'm going to do it a different way. But no matter what he's like, even if I have success, if I did it right, well, guess what? I got to wake up tomorrow.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:17:51 to 01:18:02
I got to do something else again then, too. So it's just this constant. There is no failure, there's success. But you never get to the endpoint, right? You never get to the place.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:18:02 to 01:18:15
Like we said, we're back to where we talked about retirement, right? I'm going to retire. Okay, well, what does that mean? You're going to sit on a beach and play golf? Well, you're going to do that every day for the next 15 years or however long you're alive.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:18:16 to 01:18:26
How is that sustainable? It's not. Exactly. So you have to just accept the fact that there isn't an end. There is an end, but we all have that one.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:18:26 to 01:18:42
When the lights shut off or maybe they open back up, who knows? But there isn't a day where you're just going to go, everything's done. I know. It never happens. So if that day isn't there, then neither is the one where everything has fallen apart.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:18:42 to 01:18:53
Right? So don't get mired in failure. Don't get overly thrilled about successes. I mean, celebrate yourself, that kind of thing. But tomorrow is another day.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:18:53 to 01:19:03
You're going to have to wake up and you're going to have to do whatever's got to be done tomorrow. Just show up. Show up, man. Just do the best that you can. And I mean, we're getting philosophical here.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:19:03 to 01:19:28
I love it. But, yeah, it's showing up for yourself every single day and knowing that one thing that you did isn't going to disrupt all the other stuff that you've done. And I think looking back at your past successes and really using that as a motivation, because people are constantly looking for motivation. They're like, well, I don't have enough motivation. Well, you know what, I don't either.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:19:28 to 01:19:59
And I think that's where everybody suffers. We definitely have to have some things in place that are just like, well, look, discipline is going to outweigh motivation and then you have to have that consistency over, just like whatever it is. I wrote some notes for myself to not forget but the progress over perfection, also remembering that and not getting. I have a lot of will. I already messed up this day, so I might as well just all to heck from here.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:19:59 to 01:20:19
And it's like, no. Well, it's funny. I think we're wired that way, whether people realize it or not. And I read this thing, and I keep meaning to go back because I heard it, and I've heard it a couple of times, and I don't know that it's 100% true, so I'm going to phrase it that way, but I'm fairly certain it is. But anyway, so there was apparently this study that they did at.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:20:19 to 01:20:25
It was either Harvard or Stanford, and it was probably ten or 15 years ago, and they had some people with traumatic brain injuries.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:20:28 to 01:21:00
They were in a place where. I don't want to say that they weren't going to live, but it was certainly, like, they're willing to try whatever they can, try to see what they can do. So, essentially, they took different nodes, essentially implanted them into their brain, and it controlled emotion centers within the brain, and somehow there was, like, a pad that you could stimulate and push a button, and you could be. Didn't mean to do that. You could be happy or you could be sad, or it would stimulate some type of emotion in your brain.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:21:00 to 01:21:24
Yeah. And so the people that were running the experiment basically assumed that people would gravitate to joy and pleasure and all the positive things that we experience and have. I think it was, like, 25 people. So take this for what it is. But what they actually found was that people gravitated more towards frustration.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:21:24 to 01:21:59
And the reason being, what they basically hypothesized, based off of what they had studied and learned, was that people tend to gravitate towards challenges and things that are hard, because going through that process is the reward and not the actual reward of getting it. So, for example, we're cavemen living in, trying to keep our family safe. Whatever. Well, all right, I got to build a fire because I got to warm the cave. All right, so I go get wood.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:21:59 to 01:22:04
I build the fire. Fire is built. Okay, now what? Now what? Yeah.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:22:04 to 01:22:12
Okay, well, now I got to feed everybody. Okay, well, all right, well, let's go kill the animal, bring home. Now we got the food back. All right, here's the food. We're always on to the next thing.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:22:12 to 01:22:37
Now what? Right, so that time when you accomplish that thing, it's like when the team wins the Super bowl, there's that moment of, oh, this is amazing. It's wonderful, or whatever, but it lasts that long. Right. And it's the struggle to get to that point that is really where everything, where the true pleasure or the true enjoyment of life occurs.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:22:37 to 01:22:44
It's not the accomplishment of the thing. It's getting to the thing. What do they say? It's the journey. It's not the destination.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:22:44 to 01:22:57
Yeah. And people are always so focused on the destination. And I think kind of to bring it all together is that sustainability piece. And I think that's why people have trouble. They're like, I've succeeded.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:22:57 to 01:23:17
I've made it here. But then I went right back to where things were, because they never planned out the sustainability part of it. They never planned out what happens after this, when it's just the daily stuff, kind of what you were talking about with Kobe, where he's like, well, I just show up tomorrow, I still have to do this. And that's the thing. You're going to have to wake up and do the same thing and do the same thing.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:23:17 to 01:23:38
And you have to build in systems and little rewards and little motivations, and sometimes you just have to rely on discipline or a community or whatever it is that you have to do, but you have to plan for it. So circling back to the New Year's resolutions is no one is planning for that. They're just like. They just want that little reward. But what then?
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:23:38 to 01:23:55
Yeah, what happens next? What happens next? And the thing is, honestly, that's where kind of, like, the magic is after that, when you just learn how to just make it this daily thing that you do, it's just like brushing your teeth because you had nasty breath. Right. And would you say that that needs to be the mindset for people?
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:23:56 to 01:24:01
Then again, it goes back to the goal. Right. Okay. Having goals is good. Right.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:24:01 to 01:24:15
But having a plan is better. Really important. Yeah. If you don't have a plan, then, I mean, what in the world are you doing? It's like, people want to eat healthier, but they didn't even plan their shopping or the meals that they're going to do.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:24:15 to 01:24:38
So how are you going to eat healthier then? They're like, well, then I just ate what was available, or I went to picked up some food because they never had a plan. So you have to start with a plan. Yeah. Well, I think that when it comes to people wanting to take care of themselves, I think everybody wants to be a better version of themselves, obviously.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:24:38 to 01:24:45
Right. That's why. Do you like my shirt? My shirt says, worry about yourself. One of my friends made this for me.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:24:45 to 01:25:12
There's a little girl I got this from, there's a video, social media video, where this little girl, and she's like, maybe three, and she's putting on her seatbelt, her dad's filming her. He's like, what are you doing? She's like, I'm by yourself. Worry about yourself. To me, that is like philosophy for life, just because if you become the best version of you that's available that you can get to, and by the way, that never ends, it continually goes along.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:25:12 to 01:25:23
But if you can be that, then everything else just kind of seems to work out well. You know what I mean? Just got to take care of you. When you're taking care. And it sounds selfish, but it's not.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:25:23 to 01:25:47
It's the most unselfish thing, honestly. Because if you are your best self, you're available for other people, right? Hands down. If I'm going to not take care of myself, I will not be a good mom, a good wife, a good friend, a good daughter, whatever, because I won't have the bandwidth for it. But if I take care of myself, I fill up my battery that I'm like, all I want to do is give because I feel like that's my purpose in life, right.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:25:47 to 01:26:03
But if I don't take care of that, I'm just going to be exhausted, burnt out. Got to take care of yourself. And not even like saying, I think again, words matter. And so when people are saying, I'm being selfish, I'm taking care of myself. No, I'm just doing things to take care of myself, whatever it is.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:26:03 to 01:26:19
No, I think that that's something that I think more and more people should spend more and more time getting better on their own terms. Own way. But you need help, right? Sometimes you need a little bit of guidance. You need a little bit of help.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:26:19 to 01:26:24
And that's where somebody like you comes in. Yes. So before, we've been going for an hour and a half, by the way. Oh, wow. Yes.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:26:24 to 01:26:36
See, I told you. It's like a vortex. It eats it up. By the way, Conrad's saying that you should do 20 push ups on the. Live stream, but we'll do that on the next one because we're going to come back because again, there's 8 million things.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:26:36 to 01:26:47
We could go deeper into the meditation thing. We could go deeper into the more nutrition. We kind of did a lot of, I think there was a lot of philosophy today, actually. Probably that's my favorite. Above nutrition.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:26:48 to 01:27:12
Yes. Well, you have to have your mind in the right place in order to be able to want to accomplish things but there is a lot of nuts and bolt stuff that you're going to be like my quarterly health expert. Maybe I'll have come in and do this for me, because again, when you were talking about nerding out on stuff, this is stuff that I nerd out on all the time. I love this kind of thing. But before we go, because we are pretty deep into here, is there anything that you wanted to mention or talk about?
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:27:12 to 01:27:32
Because you got your notes and I'm sure we touched on like 5% of what you wrote down. Yeah, maybe one thing. Right? Is there anything that you really wanted to mention? And then the second thing I want to do is I do want you to give a little commercial for yourself a little bit, because I think what you do is very important and I think that people need to take care of themselves and they need to make theirselves a priority.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:27:34 to 01:27:51
When I say this, I'm not saying go drop, but money is the currency of all things. And if you're going to spend time and effort on yourself, it requires a little bit of money. If you want to go to the gym, you pay a gym membership. If you want to go seek therapy, you pay a therapist. If you want to eat better.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:27:51 to 01:28:10
Sometimes, unfortunately, these days, healthier foods are a little bit more expensive. It's messed up in our society that it's that way, but that's what it is. So all of this stuff costs something. But what you don't understand or what maybe people don't realize is you have to invest in yourself. And when you invest in yourself, you become a better version of you, which becomes a better version everybody else.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:28:10 to 01:28:22
So I want you to tell everybody what you do, what you offer. Give me a little Donna commercial. That's what I'm looking for. That sounds good. So, first of all, yes, investing in your health is the most important thing that you can do.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:28:22 to 01:28:53
If you have children, your children will thank you because it's something that, it doesn't just impact you, impacts everyone else around you. And I experience this on the daily, just with my family members. And it's just take care of yourself because it's sad when it's kind of like they say, would you rather spend money now in the upfront or later on in medical bills? And I'll tell you what, spend on yourself on the front end. And as for me, what I offer is one on one services.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:28:53 to 01:29:16
But I also work with couples and with families, and I've done groups in the past, may get back to that as well. But if you want to reach me, you can email me. Donna Shafir D-A-N-A. Shafir Shafir Wellness@gmail.com I'm also on Instagram at Donna's dose. D-A-N-A Donna's S-D-O-S-E Donna's dose of wellness.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:29:16 to 01:29:31
And then you can find me on Facebook as well. But email is probably just the easiest way to contact me. Okay. And I offer a complimentary 15 minutes conversation so you can know if I'm the right fit for you. I think that's really important.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:29:32 to 01:29:48
Even if I'm not, there are people out there who are. So just find the person who's the right fit for you. And that applies as for health coaching and therapy and whatever it is that you're looking for. You were talking about doctors as well, just doctors who listen to you. You have to find you are the consumer and this is your health.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:29:48 to 01:30:05
And don't just give your health to someone else. You are the advocate for yourself. So find someone who is listening to you, who is partnering with you. Just because they have a couple of letters in front of their name doesn't mean they're right for you and they know everything. Absolutely.
Dana Shafir (Guest) | 01:30:05 to 01:30:30
Again, back to you are the expert in your own life, and you have to trust your intuition. And, yeah, I mean, even if you just want to chat with me and I can guide you to the right path, I'm happy to do that as well. Awesome. Well, I really appreciate you taking time out of your day to come see me and do this, and I definitely want to do it again in the future because like I said, I can nerd out on this stuff all, all day long. So I always like to find somebody that's on the same wavelength with me, with this kind of stuff.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:30:30 to 01:31:07
And you can teach me so many things because unfortunately, when it comes to the world of health and wellness, there's a lot of, we'll call it misinformation. I hate that word. But there's a lot of information and there's a lot of people that are trying to maybe earn a quick buck as opposed to actually help you. And sifting through some of that can be tough, especially when you're in a position where things aren't necessarily going great for you physically or mentally, and you're just looking for a lifeline. And so you start grabbing to the first thing that seems attractive and beneficial, and it doesn't always work out that way.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:31:07 to 01:31:30
So having good people that you can trust and talk to, somebody that can really point you in the right direction and give you a lot of good insight and feedback on yourself. And then, like you've said a million times, finding someone that will listen to what you have to say, because like you said, you're the expert of yourself, right? So thank you so much. It was a lot of fun, and we will definitely do it again sometime. See you guys.
Mike Mills (Host) | 01:31:30 to 01:31:35
You all have a great New Year. Make those resolutions. Happy New Year. Yes. Bye.