Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I mean, Mr. Aurora, and I'm very happy to be

spending some time with you today, it's just going to be 10

minutes, 11 minutes that you can use to rest and relax, unwind

from a busy day from an busy mind. And just come back to

yourself.

Today I want to talk about conditional love. I

think we all know what unconditional love is. And we

also know what conditional love is not because of reading about

it, but because of loving it.

Especially the ladies out there. But of course, the gentleman

listening here can maybe relate or maybe you're not aware of it

yet, that you have

a lot of conditions, a lot of expectations, a lot of harsh

thoughts, when it comes to you. And the way you live the way you

look the way you feel.

Let's take an example.

A girl who wants to lose weight,

and she looks into the mirror and just sees that her pants are

not fitting anymore. And in her mind, she compares herself to

the other ladies out there

and decides to start a diet. And she started said with a harsh

comment, like you look fat, you will never be successful.

You are a failure. You have no discipline, blah, blah, blah,

and she will use that to lose weight. Why is she going to be

exist? Sorry. So you're going to be successful?

Chances are if she beats herself up on a regular, she can be

successful was it is that sustainable and healthy and? And

good the way she approaches it? Well, from an outsider's

perspective, of course not if she was to approach it from a

self love point of view, and just seeing that she could lose

a little more weight, but to be healthier to live

in a more healthier space, then approaching her diet in the

future would come from a place of love instead of guilt and

punishment and shame. Because if we approach something with

conditional love, what happens if we fail? What happens if the

other person disappoints us, while we are only left with huge

disappointment and having to punish or regret or anything, if

we approach it with the heart, then we can be more forgiving.

And if we are more forgiving, things are long lasting and

meant for us in the future.

Have a look at the guy who looks into the mirror and sees

perfection. His hair is awesome. He is reaching all the goals

that he's setting himself.

And

he can be described as a very successful man.

But is he happy? Most of those men are not happy. They focus so

much on being perfect and accomplishing that they have a

hard time relating to their partners and being compassionate

and loving them unconditionally. And why is that? Because they

don't love themselves unconditionally. And if you

don't love and accept yourself unconditionally, well, how can

you do that for another person? And isn't not what we're all

craving. We're all craving to be accepted and seen as who we are.

We don't want to be with a partner who as soon as we gain a

little bit of weight or as soon as we lose our job looks down on

us and makes us feel like a failure. If we feel like a

failure

Already, we want a partner who can see that, we will dig

ourselves out of that dirty hole and just continue being awesome.

We want our partner to have faith. But if that partner if

that person is looking into the mirror in the morning and just

sees perfection, doesn't

look into his eyes and can see pain and regret, and mistakes,

and happiness and contentment and appreciation, if he doesn't

see all that, if all he sees is perfection, then he will surely

expect that from the outside world. And he will just live in

huge disappointment because life love especially is not perfect.

There is no perfection anywhere on planet Earth, except if we

created artificially, and then it's very hard to maintain and

very exhausting for all participants.

Let's look at the guy who wants to stop smoking.

You

deeply reflect about yourself, and you find out that you're

smoking and you're not really doing it anymore. out of passion

for the taste.

You do it out of a habit and you're kind of in that habit and

you hate yourself. Every time you let that cigarette?

Well, resentment is not going to bring you far. And to say that

you're only going to start loving and accepting yourself

once you stop smoking, it's also not gonna help you further in

that quest. So how can you approach it if you want to stop

smoking? That guy wants to give up that habit that is so costly?

And also, yeah, not good for a south? What? First of all, he

can maybe dig a little deeper and find out why he needs that

habit. What does it that he would miss

if he was to stop that habit.

And then he can see that he's awesome the way he is. But his

body would be so much healthier in a better place and

all that jazz if he was to quit. So if he reaches a point where

he can have compassion for his body, again, and he can see that

he's not doing it out of

enjoyment,

the cigarette smoking, but because of laziness and habit,

then you can

move yourself out of that addiction way easier than if you

approach it with contempt, and harshness and punishment.

Because you might fall back and then you shouldn't just fall

back and say, Well, I'm just a failure anyways, you can fall

back and say, hey, yeah, it is hard to quit. But I want to do

this for myself, I want to show up for myself and stop that

habit that is harming myself. So those three little stories are

just a few examples of conditional love. And I hope you

can see that. As soon as we give up. Being conditional with

ourselves, we're also more forgiving and loving with

others. And some people are very good at being loving and

accepting of others, but are very harsh on themselves. While

that episode is for you, and the people who try to live in

perfection, and can only see

themselves lovable, if they are perfect if they are

accomplishing at least one goal every day, say look perfect, say

eat the perfect food, say exercise the perfect, awesome

sport. Then I lost my train of thought.

But I know you followed and you know exactly what I mean. All

those people that I described has to start loving and

accepting themselves. And then they will also feel richer in

their relationships and

expect less from their past partners and be more

compassionate and understanding. And if it comes to change, you

can help your partner as well.

to approach it from a space of love instead of harsh, mind

driven approaches.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode about

conditional love. Maybe you have a conditional lover and your

life and you can make them aware of it. Maybe not. And maybe it

is yourself who can become a little more aware that you don't

need to be harsh with yourself and beat yourself up in order to

be good out there in order to love yourself. Thank you so much

for listening to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

Aurora, and I'll be out there for you tomorrow again. Thank

you