1 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:10,000 So I just want to welcome our family today. 2 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:13,520 Today we are going to be having a family talk. 3 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:14,560 Is that okay? 4 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:16,399 Can we have a family talk today? 5 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:18,320 And so what? 6 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:23,440 How many of you were blessed by last week's sermon? 7 00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:27,480 Shattered Faith or Shattered Dreams, Unshaken Faith? 8 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:28,720 I forgot the title. 9 00:00:30,770 --> 00:00:34,690 And so last week I spoke about Shattered Dreams, Unshaken Faith. 10 00:00:34,690 --> 00:00:39,490 And we're continuing with our series Unbroken Healing Minds and 11 00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:40,450 Mending Hearts. 12 00:00:40,530 --> 00:00:45,650 And so the biggest prayer that I had for all of our campuses was, 13 00:00:45,650 --> 00:00:50,290 and all of our people, all of you beautiful people, that God was 14 00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:53,010 able to mend your hearts. 15 00:00:53,650 --> 00:00:58,040 And I shared personal tea and everybody loved it. 16 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:04,000 But just so that way you allow God to mend your heart and face some 17 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:08,080 of the things that you were faced with or are facing. 18 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:11,759 And one of the things that I saw on Monday night, Free Women Collective 19 00:01:11,759 --> 00:01:13,160 Bible study, which I love. 20 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,680 Let's give it up for our Free Women. 21 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:21,000 Some of our New Jersey people, I think Serena, they had done the 22 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:21,720 Bible study. 23 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,840 And so there was something that blessed me when I watched that. 24 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:28,330 And she said, you know, it made me think and sit with, where 25 00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:31,450 am I in some of the things in my life? 26 00:01:31,770 --> 00:01:33,410 With the divorce of her parents. 27 00:01:33,410 --> 00:01:34,970 And she's like, where am I in this? 28 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,490 Is there forgiveness? 29 00:01:37,050 --> 00:01:38,250 Am I free from it? 30 00:01:38,330 --> 00:01:40,530 And so that's about mending hearts. 31 00:01:40,530 --> 00:01:41,290 That's what it's about. 32 00:01:41,690 --> 00:01:45,930 And so as we continue in this series, we're having this conversation, 33 00:01:46,330 --> 00:01:48,010 and it's a needed one. 34 00:01:48,170 --> 00:01:53,700 And if you can title this conversation, it's negative self 35 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:54,580 talk. 36 00:01:55,940 --> 00:02:03,260 How many of us in our church, in this world are dealing with negative 37 00:02:03,260 --> 00:02:03,940 self talk? 38 00:02:04,340 --> 00:02:07,220 And so, you know, those inner voices say, you're not good enough. 39 00:02:07,780 --> 00:02:08,660 You're a failure. 40 00:02:08,660 --> 00:02:10,260 Oh, you're so stupid. 41 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:12,180 How many of us even take that? 42 00:02:12,260 --> 00:02:14,780 Oh, I'm so stupid and I shouldn't have done it. 43 00:02:14,780 --> 00:02:16,420 And that's negative self talk. 44 00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:22,900 And so what we want to do is we want to talk about how not only 45 00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:28,100 is negative self talk a mental thing, it is also a spiritual thing. 46 00:02:28,580 --> 00:02:31,780 And so the enemy is called the father of lies. 47 00:02:32,180 --> 00:02:33,780 And he lies to us. 48 00:02:33,940 --> 00:02:38,260 He whispers into our minds different lies, and then we accept 49 00:02:38,260 --> 00:02:41,860 them and come into agreement with them so many times. 50 00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:45,780 But Jesus came to free us in truth. 51 00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:50,620 And so John 8:32 says, and you will know the truth and. 52 00:02:50,850 --> 00:02:54,690 And the truth will set you free. 53 00:02:55,410 --> 00:02:59,250 And so today it's about pulling those lies into the light 54 00:02:59,490 --> 00:03:01,810 and replacing them with God's truth. 55 00:03:02,290 --> 00:03:07,610 And so what God says about us, and I am here on this panel with 56 00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:14,290 these amazing, talented Spirit filled mental health counselors, 57 00:03:14,770 --> 00:03:17,490 teachers, whatever it is that you're doing. 58 00:03:17,650 --> 00:03:22,170 And so I just want, I'm just blessed to have them here today to 59 00:03:22,170 --> 00:03:23,470 be able to pour out. 60 00:03:23,550 --> 00:03:27,470 And so if you can please introduce yourself and tell us your 61 00:03:27,470 --> 00:03:30,110 role here at the church and also your role outside. 62 00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:31,630 Hello, everyone. 63 00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:33,390 My name is Randall Duberval. 64 00:03:33,550 --> 00:03:36,030 Everyone watching online everywhere that you're watching. 65 00:03:36,270 --> 00:03:41,390 I am the campus pastor of V1 New Jersey, alongside with my wife, 66 00:03:41,390 --> 00:03:42,270 Pastor Mary. 67 00:03:42,830 --> 00:03:46,990 And I'm also something that many of you may not know. 68 00:03:47,230 --> 00:03:51,740 I'm also a licensed mental health counseling intern as of right 69 00:03:51,740 --> 00:03:52,020 now. 70 00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:54,700 And so I'm headed on that direction. 71 00:03:56,940 --> 00:03:57,420 Awesome. 72 00:03:57,420 --> 00:03:58,780 We love you, Pastor Randall. 73 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,260 I'm Alison Barris Bushing. 74 00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:06,700 I'm from the Long island campus and I'm a licensed mental 75 00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:09,100 health counselor in private practice on Long Island. 76 00:04:09,420 --> 00:04:12,900 And currently I'm not serving in the church too much because I'm 77 00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:14,060 at home serving my family. 78 00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:16,460 But I'm so blessed to be here today. 79 00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:17,630 So thank you. 80 00:04:19,470 --> 00:04:20,590 Good morning, everyone. 81 00:04:20,830 --> 00:04:24,110 I'm Christy Gomez and I'm here from Brooklyn. 82 00:04:24,590 --> 00:04:25,630 Oh, yeah. 83 00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:29,990 I serve as a ground crew lead for the kids ministry. 84 00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:32,190 I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist. 85 00:04:32,350 --> 00:04:34,750 I'm also training to biblically counsel. 86 00:04:35,310 --> 00:04:40,630 And I'm a mom to two boys and a wife to one, which is one of my 87 00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:41,310 favorite things. 88 00:04:41,390 --> 00:04:44,160 So, yeah, and here we are. 89 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,240 Here we are. 90 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:50,080 Thank you so much for being here and for being willing to pour 91 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:50,280 out. 92 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:51,920 Cause we are all day club today. 93 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,000 We're gonna be in Manhattan tonight as well. 94 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:57,200 And so one of the things that I told them when I reached out to 95 00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:00,880 them of like just being a part of this, I was like, hey, the commitment 96 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,120 is to do all day. 97 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,320 Are you committed to it? 98 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,280 And there was like, no doubt about it. 99 00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:07,040 They were like, we're here, we're with it. 100 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:12,400 And we're just so thankful for our apostle Mike and Julie Signorelli. 101 00:05:13,310 --> 00:05:14,510 Let's just give it up for them. 102 00:05:14,510 --> 00:05:19,590 We're thankful for them and their hearts are just to see people 103 00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:19,950 free. 104 00:05:20,590 --> 00:05:23,070 And that's why our series is called Unbroken. 105 00:05:23,070 --> 00:05:25,470 Because we're gonna all walk out of here unbroken Today. 106 00:05:25,870 --> 00:05:29,870 There's gonna be a new thing deposited in us and we're not gonna 107 00:05:29,870 --> 00:05:33,110 have negative self talk no matter what was spoken over us. 108 00:05:33,110 --> 00:05:33,710 So let's pray. 109 00:05:33,710 --> 00:05:37,710 Father, as we get into your word, as we get into practicals, 110 00:05:38,030 --> 00:05:43,560 as we tear down lies and strongholds that are lies that we 111 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:47,960 believe to be true, Father, I pray in the name of Jesus that people 112 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:52,840 will walk out of each campus, Lord, even in Their living rooms, 113 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:56,520 that they will be set free, that we will know the truth. 114 00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:02,520 And the truth is who you are, God, that the blood tears down strongholds, 115 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:06,120 that the blood covers sin, that the blood frees. 116 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:11,120 And so, Father, we thank you for the blood of Jesus that sets 117 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:11,560 us free. 118 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:15,240 We thank you for the truth that sets us free today. 119 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,160 In Jesus mighty name. 120 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,320 Then the church said, Amen. 121 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:23,640 Okay, so the first step to healing is awareness. 122 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:28,680 And how many times do you know that you're not aware? 123 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,840 Or people, like, come to you and be like, hey, I don't know if 124 00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:33,240 you're aware of this, but your zipper's open, right? 125 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,360 Like, you gotta make sure that your zipper's closed. 126 00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:37,910 And you have to be aware, right? 127 00:06:37,910 --> 00:06:39,390 You don't know what you don't know. 128 00:06:39,630 --> 00:06:43,790 And so awareness is something that we all need in our life, especially 129 00:06:43,790 --> 00:06:47,470 when it's emotional and spiritual, right? 130 00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:48,510 We need awareness. 131 00:06:48,830 --> 00:06:52,950 And there are sometimes there are things that we don't know about 132 00:06:52,950 --> 00:06:55,310 ourselves that we come to learn. 133 00:06:55,310 --> 00:06:57,790 And as God reveals it to us. 134 00:06:58,190 --> 00:07:04,840 And so as we go into this negative self talk, we wanna make 135 00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:05,480 you aware. 136 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,120 And so they're gonna share about different things of things 137 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,520 that they've become aware of in their life. 138 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,640 And we're gonna talk about practicals and how we practically 139 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:15,240 do that. 140 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,680 And so we don't name the lie. 141 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:23,240 If we don't name the lie, we can't replace it with truth. 142 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:27,000 And so you don't heal what you can't reveal. 143 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:36,420 And so Psalm 139 says, Search me, O God, and try me and know my 144 00:07:36,420 --> 00:07:42,820 thoughts and see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me 145 00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:44,900 in the way of everlasting. 146 00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:46,820 He says, try me. 147 00:07:46,820 --> 00:07:48,020 How many of you know that? 148 00:07:48,020 --> 00:07:49,420 That's a phrase that we use right now. 149 00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:50,100 Try me. 150 00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:52,180 He's like, God, try me. 151 00:07:52,260 --> 00:07:53,460 Search my heart. 152 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:57,780 And that's what we need to be real with God and tell the truth 153 00:07:58,340 --> 00:07:59,060 with God. 154 00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:00,740 Of like, hey, I'm feeling this way. 155 00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:02,420 Try me, God, search my heart. 156 00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:05,890 And so one of the things, first questions that I want to ask 157 00:08:05,890 --> 00:08:10,770 you guys, and we can pass the mic along, what does negative self 158 00:08:10,770 --> 00:08:12,210 talk look like for you? 159 00:08:12,770 --> 00:08:14,890 What does it sound like in your own life? 160 00:08:14,890 --> 00:08:18,450 And how does it affect you emotionally and spiritually? 161 00:08:19,570 --> 00:08:20,530 Am I going first? 162 00:08:20,690 --> 00:08:26,090 All right, so what it looks like to me, and I've shared this 163 00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:33,180 before, but when I had my second child, it was tough because 164 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,020 I excelled in a lot of things. 165 00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:37,460 But then when it came to motherhood, it was something that 166 00:08:37,460 --> 00:08:38,500 wasn't easy for me. 167 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,380 It wasn't something that was natural. 168 00:08:40,380 --> 00:08:43,860 I actually saw my husband naturally take to fatherhood, and 169 00:08:43,860 --> 00:08:46,540 I was questioning if there was something wrong with me, like, why 170 00:08:46,620 --> 00:08:48,780 am I not taking to this so easily? 171 00:08:49,420 --> 00:08:51,580 So it was something that I really had to work at. 172 00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:54,180 But as a therapist, I've read all the books, right? 173 00:08:54,180 --> 00:08:56,660 I was giving therapy to people, helping people with their 174 00:08:56,660 --> 00:08:57,260 own kids. 175 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:58,880 But it was all theoretical, right? 176 00:08:58,880 --> 00:08:59,920 It was all in my mind. 177 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:04,240 But when it was time for me to actually apply it, it was hard. 178 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:07,040 And then I started shaming myself, condemning myself. 179 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,560 And those were the lies that were creeping up to the point that 180 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:14,160 it got so toxic that I did start thinking that it was better, 181 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,680 that my kids were better off without me, right? 182 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:20,680 That's how deep it was and how toxic it got to the point that I 183 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:23,040 even had those intentions and those thoughts. 184 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:27,600 And I had to go through a process of deep healing for the Lord 185 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:31,440 to show me that it's not what I do that I find my identity in, 186 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:31,760 right? 187 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,360 Or how I show up in motherhood, that motherhood is not 188 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,880 something to master, but something to surrender to. 189 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:40,440 And as I learned that, I learned how to surrender to him and 190 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:43,600 give it all to him and allow him to do the healing. 191 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:47,240 And I remember even telling God, I'm like, I have a broken heart. 192 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,120 God, my heart is broken. 193 00:09:49,490 --> 00:09:53,210 But it took all those negative thoughts to compound and to get to 194 00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:56,770 that place where I was so broken that it almost harmed me and 195 00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,130 my family long term. 196 00:09:59,010 --> 00:10:02,850 So if you could give us an example. 197 00:10:02,850 --> 00:10:05,730 So I'm going to do, like, a little role play. 198 00:10:06,050 --> 00:10:06,690 Okay? 199 00:10:06,850 --> 00:10:10,970 If you could give us what were some of the lies when you said you 200 00:10:10,970 --> 00:10:12,370 were shaming yourself, right? 201 00:10:12,770 --> 00:10:16,290 What were some of the shameful thoughts that you were speaking over 202 00:10:16,290 --> 00:10:16,770 yourself? 203 00:10:17,590 --> 00:10:21,190 And right now you can go back to that old Christy. 204 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,110 What would you say to her? 205 00:10:25,350 --> 00:10:27,870 So some of the things that I would say is that I'm not good at 206 00:10:27,870 --> 00:10:28,710 this, right? 207 00:10:29,590 --> 00:10:32,230 I'm gonna harm my children, right? 208 00:10:34,150 --> 00:10:35,590 I did struggle with anger. 209 00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:38,870 So it was something that I'm like, what will this do to my kids 210 00:10:38,870 --> 00:10:41,750 if I just continue to operate this way? 211 00:10:41,990 --> 00:10:45,430 And I thought I was like, okay, if I'm not here, my mom got 212 00:10:45,430 --> 00:10:47,190 them, my husband got it. 213 00:10:47,190 --> 00:10:51,520 But now I can go and say, like, you know, knowing my identity 214 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:55,160 in Christ and getting closer to him, there's a gentleness that 215 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:58,080 he has shown me that now I can show my children. 216 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:02,280 So I would tell her, like, you know, just continue working, going 217 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,520 through that process, and, you know, God will pull you out. 218 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:06,960 Because when I got to that. 219 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,040 To that darkness, it was like. 220 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,600 I think it was like two months before I got saved. 221 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,320 God pulled me out. 222 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:17,620 And that peace that I felt in that instant has carried through 223 00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:20,860 until this day that when things are hard in my motherhood 224 00:11:20,860 --> 00:11:23,340 or even in my marriage, I can go to God. 225 00:11:23,340 --> 00:11:25,780 And I say, God, just fill me with your gentleness. 226 00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:29,140 And those thoughts, even if they try to creep up, like, you know, 227 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:32,980 you're failing, it's like, well, I do fall short. 228 00:11:33,140 --> 00:11:37,020 So God covers me where I fail, and I remember, and I tell God. 229 00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:40,380 I was like, God, just fill the gap where I can feel it. 230 00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:43,060 And I know you have my children, and I know that they will 231 00:11:43,060 --> 00:11:43,800 be fine, and. 232 00:11:43,950 --> 00:11:46,270 And I just start declaring that and speaking that. 233 00:11:46,350 --> 00:11:46,990 Amen. 234 00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:47,590 Okay. 235 00:11:47,590 --> 00:12:56,401 Yes, go ahead, Pastor Randall. 236 00:12:57,201 --> 00:12:57,601 Just. 237 00:12:57,601 --> 00:13:00,161 I just wanted to, like, even piggyback off of that. 238 00:13:00,401 --> 00:13:06,001 You said something about, master what I can't master, Like, 239 00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:08,001 I had to learn to surrender instead. 240 00:13:08,401 --> 00:13:13,041 And I'm thinking about, like, how your whole life, it's all connected, 241 00:13:13,281 --> 00:13:17,441 it's all interconnected, because just as when you didn't think 242 00:13:17,441 --> 00:13:21,241 that you would be a good mother to your children, I have four 243 00:13:21,241 --> 00:13:22,921 boys, for those of you that don't know. 244 00:13:23,321 --> 00:13:27,161 And I'm not having any other children. 245 00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,641 Don't ask me, where's the girl? 246 00:13:30,201 --> 00:13:31,321 Leave my wife alone. 247 00:13:31,321 --> 00:13:32,121 Don't ask her. 248 00:13:32,281 --> 00:13:39,121 All right, but there's a moment where, with my very last son, 249 00:13:39,121 --> 00:13:42,441 Asher, I thought that I was gonna have a girl. 250 00:13:42,441 --> 00:13:43,961 I was like, all right, God, this is it. 251 00:13:44,131 --> 00:13:44,411 You know? 252 00:13:44,411 --> 00:13:45,491 You gave me three boys. 253 00:13:45,731 --> 00:13:46,331 Good job. 254 00:13:46,331 --> 00:13:47,371 You know, you're funny. 255 00:13:47,371 --> 00:13:48,051 I get it. 256 00:13:48,051 --> 00:13:49,331 I always wanted a girl. 257 00:13:50,131 --> 00:13:52,051 And I remember those moments. 258 00:13:52,051 --> 00:13:56,971 And I said it was to the point where when my son was about to be 259 00:13:56,971 --> 00:14:00,211 born, and I said, when my wife was pregnant, I said, hey, I don't 260 00:14:00,211 --> 00:14:03,171 want to know the sex. 261 00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,011 But she wanted to. 262 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:09,131 So she went to the doctor, found out, and she didn't share with 263 00:14:09,131 --> 00:14:10,051 me for the whole day. 264 00:14:10,051 --> 00:14:12,411 And then at the end of the day, she shared it with me, and she 265 00:14:12,411 --> 00:14:13,961 said, hey, we're gonna have a son. 266 00:14:13,961 --> 00:14:14,881 I was like, you're joking. 267 00:14:14,881 --> 00:14:15,281 Stop. 268 00:14:15,681 --> 00:14:16,801 Like, it can't be. 269 00:14:17,281 --> 00:14:17,961 Like, I got. 270 00:14:17,961 --> 00:14:19,041 I got the clothes ready. 271 00:14:19,041 --> 00:14:20,321 I've got everything ready. 272 00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:22,401 Because I wanted a daughter so badly. 273 00:14:23,121 --> 00:14:26,961 And I remember when she told me that, and she's like, no, I'm 274 00:14:26,961 --> 00:14:27,441 serious. 275 00:14:27,441 --> 00:14:30,481 And I was like, man, God, what have I done? 276 00:14:30,881 --> 00:14:33,001 Like, what have I done to deserve this? 277 00:14:33,001 --> 00:14:33,761 Like, and. 278 00:14:33,761 --> 00:14:35,721 And it's not that I don't love my boys. 279 00:14:35,721 --> 00:14:36,721 Don't get me wrong. 280 00:14:36,881 --> 00:14:38,641 It's just That I wanted something. 281 00:14:39,321 --> 00:14:42,321 How many of us, like, we want something and then we're asking God 282 00:14:42,321 --> 00:14:43,081 for that thing. 283 00:14:43,081 --> 00:14:45,801 And when he doesn't provide it, you start thinking to yourself, 284 00:14:46,041 --> 00:14:47,001 like, it's me. 285 00:14:47,401 --> 00:14:50,801 And here's what I, when I said it's all connected is because you 286 00:14:50,801 --> 00:14:54,841 gotta understand, like me when I was younger, I struggled with pornography. 287 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:59,321 So for me, all these thoughts started to play back and I was like, 288 00:14:59,321 --> 00:15:01,161 God, and this is. 289 00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:03,561 I'm a scientific thinker and all of that. 290 00:15:03,561 --> 00:15:05,081 So I was like, man, Lord. 291 00:15:05,401 --> 00:15:09,561 And I don't know how deep I can go, but I've spilled all of my 292 00:15:09,881 --> 00:15:11,001 X chromosomes. 293 00:15:11,881 --> 00:15:12,921 That's what I thought. 294 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:14,801 It's funny. 295 00:15:14,801 --> 00:15:18,201 But it's also like, this is how the enemy plays with you. 296 00:15:18,441 --> 00:15:23,401 And so I thought to myself, man, God, I spilled all my X chromosomes. 297 00:15:23,721 --> 00:15:24,761 I messed up. 298 00:15:24,921 --> 00:15:25,881 It's all me. 299 00:15:25,961 --> 00:15:27,641 I shouldn't have done that, Lord. 300 00:15:27,881 --> 00:15:29,801 But then my wife, in that moment. 301 00:15:30,111 --> 00:15:35,351 And sometimes it is something amazing to have a great partner in 302 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:35,791 your life. 303 00:15:36,031 --> 00:15:38,831 But also for those of you that don't have partners in your life, 304 00:15:38,831 --> 00:15:41,991 it's great to have great people around you, right? 305 00:15:41,991 --> 00:15:45,711 It's great to have a counselor, it's great to have a pastor. 306 00:15:45,791 --> 00:15:49,231 It's great to have like a ground crew member that you will 307 00:15:49,231 --> 00:15:52,191 walk through in a flight crew or whatever the case may be. 308 00:15:52,431 --> 00:15:56,811 And so in that moment, my wife looked at me and said, randall, you 309 00:15:56,811 --> 00:16:01,691 have four boys because God knew that you would raise amazing 310 00:16:01,691 --> 00:16:02,091 men. 311 00:16:02,651 --> 00:16:06,971 And here's where she topped it off and she said, and what's amazing 312 00:16:06,971 --> 00:16:12,090 is that you're gonna have four amazing daughters because our children 313 00:16:12,090 --> 00:16:16,531 are gonna have wives and they're going to be able to pull 314 00:16:16,531 --> 00:16:21,211 in the right woman, the right that I'm gonna be able to just say, 315 00:16:21,211 --> 00:16:23,831 hey, you are not just my daughter in law. 316 00:16:23,831 --> 00:16:25,711 No, you are my daughters. 317 00:16:25,951 --> 00:16:31,631 And so I get that opportunity to raise up four boys and to expel 318 00:16:31,631 --> 00:16:33,631 the lies that the enemy will speak. 319 00:16:33,711 --> 00:16:36,551 And negative self talk doesn't just sound like, oh, you're stupid, 320 00:16:36,551 --> 00:16:36,991 you're this. 321 00:16:37,071 --> 00:16:40,311 But it also sounds like, hey, remember that porn that you used 322 00:16:40,311 --> 00:16:40,751 to watch? 323 00:16:40,991 --> 00:16:43,871 Well, this is why you no longer are. 324 00:16:43,951 --> 00:16:45,951 You're not getting what it is that you want. 325 00:16:46,271 --> 00:16:48,191 That's a lie from the pit of hell. 326 00:16:48,711 --> 00:16:49,991 God knows what he was doing. 327 00:16:49,991 --> 00:16:51,831 And he used every single experience. 328 00:16:52,391 --> 00:16:53,751 What did he tell Joseph? 329 00:16:53,831 --> 00:16:56,951 Didn't you talk about that last week like he told Joseph, I 330 00:16:57,111 --> 00:16:57,831 will you. 331 00:16:57,831 --> 00:16:58,231 I. 332 00:16:59,511 --> 00:17:00,231 What is it? 333 00:17:00,471 --> 00:17:00,871 I. 334 00:17:02,391 --> 00:17:03,351 You know where I'm going. 335 00:17:03,511 --> 00:17:04,631 You don't know where I'm going. 336 00:17:04,711 --> 00:17:07,191 I know it and this is what. 337 00:17:07,191 --> 00:17:08,311 This is what he told Joseph. 338 00:17:08,311 --> 00:17:11,511 That I will use everything right for my good. 339 00:17:11,671 --> 00:17:14,631 I will use every single thing for my good. 340 00:17:15,171 --> 00:17:15,891 For his good. 341 00:17:16,051 --> 00:17:18,131 Not your good, but for his good. 342 00:17:18,211 --> 00:17:23,411 And I promise you, I promise you online, I promise you, like Long 343 00:17:23,411 --> 00:17:23,731 Island. 344 00:17:23,731 --> 00:17:29,691 I promise you Brooklyn, New Jersey, that God's good is so much 345 00:17:29,691 --> 00:17:31,731 better than what you think is good. 346 00:17:31,971 --> 00:17:33,651 It's so much greater than that. 347 00:17:35,411 --> 00:17:37,331 So powerful and so good. 348 00:17:37,411 --> 00:17:39,331 You know, I was thinking about how you. 349 00:17:39,811 --> 00:17:41,921 Before you talked about the exquisite chromosomes. 350 00:17:42,001 --> 00:17:45,361 And I'm like, why did he want a daughter so badly? 351 00:17:46,321 --> 00:17:47,361 And I wondered. 352 00:17:47,361 --> 00:17:49,281 And tell me if I'm like, off or. 353 00:17:49,281 --> 00:17:50,001 It's somewhat. 354 00:17:50,641 --> 00:17:54,681 Did you want a daughter because you were able to, like, speak 355 00:17:54,681 --> 00:17:58,961 tenderly and softly and you wanted that and not. 356 00:17:58,961 --> 00:18:02,081 I'm not realizing that you can still do that with your sons. 357 00:18:03,521 --> 00:18:05,681 All right, let me sit down for my counseling session. 358 00:18:09,081 --> 00:18:11,161 No, that's so right. 359 00:18:11,641 --> 00:18:16,601 Cause I had a father who spoke very, like, was tough on me. 360 00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:19,601 I remember specifically, and I'm not gonna take too long, but 361 00:18:19,601 --> 00:18:21,801 I remember specifically, there was this verb. 362 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:26,561 There was this book, this grammar book that my dad on Saturdays 363 00:18:26,561 --> 00:18:28,201 would have me, like, read. 364 00:18:28,601 --> 00:18:29,881 I'm talking about textbook. 365 00:18:30,121 --> 00:18:31,641 And it's not a book. 366 00:18:31,641 --> 00:18:34,361 Like, you know, it wasn't Tom Sawyer, right? 367 00:18:35,961 --> 00:18:41,221 It was a grammar book called all in One White book with green 368 00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:41,781 letters. 369 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:43,381 You could tell the trauma, right? 370 00:18:43,621 --> 00:18:44,021 And. 371 00:18:45,941 --> 00:18:47,981 And I remember learning my pronouns. 372 00:18:47,981 --> 00:18:49,621 I remember learning my. 373 00:18:50,101 --> 00:18:50,901 My verbs. 374 00:18:50,901 --> 00:18:53,021 I remember that a noun was a. 375 00:18:53,021 --> 00:18:54,020 A thing, a place. 376 00:18:54,020 --> 00:18:55,221 And I remember I could. 377 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:55,621 If I. 378 00:18:55,621 --> 00:18:58,501 If I really think back, I could remember what page that was 379 00:18:58,501 --> 00:18:58,821 on. 380 00:18:59,461 --> 00:18:59,781 And. 381 00:18:59,781 --> 00:19:01,541 And my father was tough on me. 382 00:19:02,021 --> 00:19:02,421 And. 383 00:19:02,901 --> 00:19:06,641 And I. I said to myself, I'll never be like that with my children. 384 00:19:07,281 --> 00:19:12,401 And so I guess I never thought about it that way, but it was the 385 00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:18,241 idea of expecting that I wasn't going to be this masculine 386 00:19:18,321 --> 00:19:19,601 man, right? 387 00:19:19,761 --> 00:19:20,401 Like that. 388 00:19:21,121 --> 00:19:26,441 And thinking that masculinity looked like authority in the sense 389 00:19:26,441 --> 00:19:31,891 of yelling and pouring down and being tough on someone. 390 00:19:31,891 --> 00:19:32,131 And. 391 00:19:32,131 --> 00:19:33,371 But then I was like, you know what? 392 00:19:33,451 --> 00:19:35,091 But my son will need that. 393 00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:36,491 But I won't give them that. 394 00:19:36,971 --> 00:19:38,451 But my daughter won't need that. 395 00:19:38,451 --> 00:19:40,131 She'll just basically need my love. 396 00:19:40,131 --> 00:19:44,331 She'll need me to hold her in my arms and hold her. 397 00:19:44,491 --> 00:19:46,811 Yeah, to hold her in my arms and all these things. 398 00:19:47,211 --> 00:19:50,171 But then again, like, I do the same thing with my sons. 399 00:19:50,971 --> 00:19:52,531 I'm able to hold my sons. 400 00:19:52,531 --> 00:19:55,051 As a matter of fact, there's times where my sons will come to 401 00:19:55,051 --> 00:19:57,371 me and they'll be like, hold me. 402 00:19:57,611 --> 00:19:58,811 The most precious Moment. 403 00:19:58,811 --> 00:19:59,651 I'll give up the mic. 404 00:19:59,651 --> 00:20:00,211 I'm so sorry. 405 00:20:00,211 --> 00:20:03,691 But the most precious moment in my summer, this, this summer was 406 00:20:04,171 --> 00:20:08,811 where I, my, my sons have three, two, two bunk, a bunk bed, 407 00:20:08,811 --> 00:20:11,851 and then this pull out bed underneath. 408 00:20:12,171 --> 00:20:16,651 And I was laying on the pullout bed with my, my third son 409 00:20:16,731 --> 00:20:20,651 and then my oldest was on the top bunk and then he grabbed in and 410 00:20:20,651 --> 00:20:22,891 he's like, man, this is where all the action is at. 411 00:20:23,551 --> 00:20:28,311 And he jumped in and he was just like, he just laid there with 412 00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:28,631 us. 413 00:20:28,631 --> 00:20:33,871 And that was the most amazing moment with my sons this summer because 414 00:20:34,351 --> 00:20:39,711 it was a moment where I recognized how important my presence 415 00:20:39,711 --> 00:20:42,031 in their lives is. 416 00:20:43,391 --> 00:20:46,871 And I could do that with a daughter, but I can also do that 417 00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:47,631 with a son. 418 00:20:48,801 --> 00:20:52,081 So you don't need a daughter, Alison. 419 00:20:53,041 --> 00:20:56,521 And interrupt me, Pastor Jocelyn, if you want to, but I just 420 00:20:56,521 --> 00:21:01,041 wanna respond to both of you because I'm so grateful for your 421 00:21:01,041 --> 00:21:01,681 vulnerability. 422 00:21:02,481 --> 00:21:06,521 And, you know, vulnerability, that's a gift we have as the body 423 00:21:06,521 --> 00:21:07,121 of Christ. 424 00:21:08,161 --> 00:21:11,401 And you know, even if you are online, whoever you're sitting in 425 00:21:11,401 --> 00:21:14,241 a room with right now, someone next to you on the couch, someone 426 00:21:14,241 --> 00:21:18,841 in your revival home, whatever location you're at, you know, the 427 00:21:18,841 --> 00:21:20,721 people around you are so important. 428 00:21:20,961 --> 00:21:26,801 Because when we can confess to one another, not both our sin, but 429 00:21:26,801 --> 00:21:31,801 also the lies that we're thinking, that is what breaks the 430 00:21:31,801 --> 00:21:38,001 power of those lies in our lives and allows us to begin transforming 431 00:21:38,001 --> 00:21:38,521 our mind. 432 00:21:38,521 --> 00:21:40,321 Because sometimes we don't even notice. 433 00:21:40,321 --> 00:21:42,831 Like you said in the beginning, Pastor Jocelyn, you don't 434 00:21:42,831 --> 00:21:43,631 know what you don't know. 435 00:21:44,271 --> 00:21:47,631 So sometimes you might be speaking and you don't even realize 436 00:21:47,631 --> 00:21:50,911 you're speaking words of self hate. 437 00:21:51,231 --> 00:21:54,751 But maybe your kid overhears you or your spouse or your friend. 438 00:21:55,391 --> 00:21:57,231 And then we become aware. 439 00:21:57,311 --> 00:22:00,991 And sometimes those lies are things that maybe, you know, the 440 00:22:00,991 --> 00:22:05,991 narrative that we heard as a child, the way that we were spoken 441 00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:09,321 to, that becomes our inner narrative. 442 00:22:09,881 --> 00:22:12,361 And many times we have to become aware of that. 443 00:22:12,441 --> 00:22:17,801 Forgive those people who spoke those hateful words or even just 444 00:22:18,601 --> 00:22:22,561 words that didn't acknowledge our existence or didn't make us feel 445 00:22:22,561 --> 00:22:26,961 that we were important or seen, you know, but when we share 446 00:22:26,961 --> 00:22:31,641 with one another, we also break that lie that we're isolated. 447 00:22:32,361 --> 00:22:34,791 And that is a lie of the enemy. 448 00:22:34,791 --> 00:22:36,391 You are not alone. 449 00:22:36,951 --> 00:22:40,151 You are not alone with your negative thoughts. 450 00:22:40,151 --> 00:22:43,431 Your brothers and sisters are struggling too. 451 00:22:43,831 --> 00:22:46,431 And together we can encourage each other. 452 00:22:46,431 --> 00:22:50,511 You know, I love in the who's doing the daily Growth Journal, I 453 00:22:50,511 --> 00:22:53,671 love that on every page it says, who can you encourage today? 454 00:22:54,391 --> 00:22:59,031 And this is a way, as a body of Christ, that we can break that 455 00:22:59,031 --> 00:22:59,991 bond of. 456 00:23:00,071 --> 00:23:04,971 That bondage of negative self talk is send encouragement to your 457 00:23:04,971 --> 00:23:07,931 brother or sister, to your friend, Especially if, you know, 458 00:23:07,931 --> 00:23:11,611 they struggle with a certain thing, like in their own mind, like 459 00:23:11,611 --> 00:23:14,891 they're not worthy or they don't like something about themselves, 460 00:23:14,891 --> 00:23:16,771 or send them encouragement. 461 00:23:17,971 --> 00:23:19,171 Anyway, that's what I got. 462 00:23:19,331 --> 00:23:20,131 I love that. 463 00:23:20,771 --> 00:23:23,251 And I wanna bring that to the next question. 464 00:23:23,971 --> 00:23:25,651 If you could answer it, Alison. 465 00:23:26,211 --> 00:23:31,711 So John 10:10 says, the thief comes to not only steal and kill 466 00:23:31,711 --> 00:23:32,671 and destroy. 467 00:23:33,311 --> 00:23:37,471 And then Jesus says, I came to give life and life more abundantly. 468 00:23:37,631 --> 00:23:39,311 And so Satan speaks lies. 469 00:23:39,791 --> 00:23:43,631 And it often is disguised in our own voice. 470 00:23:44,511 --> 00:23:46,431 And they feel really familiar. 471 00:23:46,831 --> 00:23:51,311 And so it's when God is. 472 00:23:51,551 --> 00:23:56,901 Or when you could think about how that negative self talk comes 473 00:23:56,901 --> 00:23:58,701 in a form of quiet lies. 474 00:23:59,101 --> 00:24:02,301 What are some of the common things or the common lies that people 475 00:24:02,381 --> 00:24:05,901 believe about themselves that keep them stuck? 476 00:24:07,181 --> 00:24:08,221 That's a really good question. 477 00:24:08,701 --> 00:24:14,661 I think people have lies about their identity, you know, that they're 478 00:24:14,661 --> 00:24:17,821 not worthy, they're not good enough, they're not lovable. 479 00:24:18,781 --> 00:24:19,901 Nobody likes me. 480 00:24:20,291 --> 00:24:21,411 I'm not good at anything. 481 00:24:21,571 --> 00:24:24,451 Other people are talented, but I don't have those kind of talents. 482 00:24:24,931 --> 00:24:30,531 And a lot of this comes from these ideas that our culture, our 483 00:24:30,531 --> 00:24:35,531 education system, our surroundings teach us about, you 484 00:24:35,531 --> 00:24:41,011 know, Darwinianism or determine determinism that says, 485 00:24:41,251 --> 00:24:44,651 you are who you are, you were born that way, and there's nothing 486 00:24:44,651 --> 00:24:47,831 you can do about it, you know, or the opposite. 487 00:24:47,991 --> 00:24:50,151 I grew up in the 80s and 90s. 488 00:24:50,231 --> 00:24:51,991 You're a special snowflake. 489 00:24:52,631 --> 00:24:54,951 Anything you want to do, you can do. 490 00:24:56,151 --> 00:24:59,711 And then the problem with that is you start to try to do something, 491 00:24:59,711 --> 00:25:03,111 it doesn't work out, and, well, now I'm a failure. 492 00:25:03,271 --> 00:25:04,511 What does that mean about me? 493 00:25:04,511 --> 00:25:07,951 If I was a special snowflake who could do anything, and then I 494 00:25:07,951 --> 00:25:08,391 can't. 495 00:25:09,191 --> 00:25:12,041 I'm defective, you know, so. 496 00:25:12,041 --> 00:25:14,641 And none of those things are what God says about us. 497 00:25:16,401 --> 00:25:20,321 Was there any moment in your life that you felt stuck? 498 00:25:23,281 --> 00:25:24,881 Put me on the spot, Pastor. 499 00:25:27,921 --> 00:25:28,561 Okay. 500 00:25:28,641 --> 00:25:30,401 When did I feel put on the spot? 501 00:25:32,961 --> 00:25:33,601 Right now. 502 00:25:35,761 --> 00:25:41,911 No, you know, I. I struggle with anxiety and my anxiety, you 503 00:25:41,911 --> 00:25:44,751 know, I'm gonna give an example of even a few weeks ago, 504 00:25:45,151 --> 00:25:48,151 I had a guest came into town, and they were supposed to stay with 505 00:25:48,151 --> 00:25:48,431 me. 506 00:25:49,151 --> 00:25:54,351 And I had a plan of I was gonna be the best host and there 507 00:25:54,351 --> 00:25:57,591 was gonna be a beautiful flower, and I wrote a note and it 508 00:25:57,591 --> 00:25:58,151 was gonna. 509 00:25:58,151 --> 00:26:03,561 And I had this whole idea of who I was as the host and as the 510 00:26:03,561 --> 00:26:04,361 day was going on. 511 00:26:04,681 --> 00:26:08,761 I started getting increasingly anxious because my husband was working 512 00:26:08,921 --> 00:26:11,881 in the area that our guest was supposed to stay. 513 00:26:12,361 --> 00:26:13,961 And I started feeling this. 514 00:26:14,281 --> 00:26:15,441 I'm getting very emotional. 515 00:26:15,441 --> 00:26:17,961 I started feeling this feeling like, I can't do this. 516 00:26:17,961 --> 00:26:20,441 I'm not gonna be able to have this ready in time. 517 00:26:20,761 --> 00:26:21,721 Oh, my gosh. 518 00:26:22,441 --> 00:26:24,281 I'm failing her as a host. 519 00:26:24,681 --> 00:26:26,281 I'm failing as a friend. 520 00:26:26,761 --> 00:26:29,961 This is a spiritual gift, hospitality, and I can't even do 521 00:26:29,961 --> 00:26:30,201 it. 522 00:26:30,871 --> 00:26:34,751 And I literally texted my friends, you can testify. 523 00:26:34,751 --> 00:26:35,991 The friends who are listening. 524 00:26:36,231 --> 00:26:38,151 And I said, I feel like a failure. 525 00:26:38,711 --> 00:26:40,311 I'm sorry, I can't host you. 526 00:26:41,431 --> 00:26:45,111 And it was the day of that they were supposed to stay with me. 527 00:26:45,111 --> 00:26:45,911 And I was so. 528 00:26:46,390 --> 00:26:47,191 And I was. 529 00:26:48,391 --> 00:26:53,391 I felt so shameful that my anxiety got in the way of me being 530 00:26:53,391 --> 00:26:57,111 able to just, like, push past what was happening and allow my friend 531 00:26:57,111 --> 00:26:57,511 to come. 532 00:26:58,441 --> 00:27:03,001 But the incredible thing was she responded by saying, thank you 533 00:27:03,001 --> 00:27:04,601 for being so vulnerable. 534 00:27:05,081 --> 00:27:10,441 It helps me when you are able to say how you feel, because then 535 00:27:10,441 --> 00:27:13,161 if I'm going through something, I know I can reach out 536 00:27:13,161 --> 00:27:15,801 to you and tell you what's happening with me. 537 00:27:16,761 --> 00:27:20,041 Look how God flipped that thing, right? 538 00:27:20,121 --> 00:27:23,241 Our own struggle releases somebody else. 539 00:27:23,511 --> 00:27:24,311 That's so good. 540 00:27:25,351 --> 00:27:30,991 And I just hear you saying, like, your expectation didn't match 541 00:27:30,991 --> 00:27:32,951 up with what you were able to deliver. 542 00:27:33,511 --> 00:27:38,471 And how many times do we have negative self thoughts because we 543 00:27:38,471 --> 00:27:42,031 have this expectation and it doesn't meet up with it, and then 544 00:27:42,031 --> 00:27:43,351 we're just like, we're failing. 545 00:27:43,351 --> 00:27:44,391 We're this, we're that. 546 00:27:44,551 --> 00:27:45,911 And I love that you. 547 00:27:46,391 --> 00:27:49,591 That you even use that as an example that that person was able 548 00:27:49,591 --> 00:27:53,441 to know, oh, it has not nothing to do with me, but everything 549 00:27:53,441 --> 00:27:54,321 to do with you. 550 00:27:54,321 --> 00:27:55,481 And not like a dis. 551 00:27:56,041 --> 00:27:59,561 But just, like, for her to understand what you were going through. 552 00:28:00,441 --> 00:28:05,081 Pastor Randall, do you have anything you want to add to how you 553 00:28:05,081 --> 00:28:06,880 see people stay stuck? 554 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:07,681 You're a pastor. 555 00:28:07,681 --> 00:28:11,241 You bring people through financial breakthrough so many times. 556 00:28:11,321 --> 00:28:13,961 And, like, what are some of the lies that people feel? 557 00:28:13,961 --> 00:28:14,361 Stuck. 558 00:28:14,841 --> 00:28:20,251 Yeah, I. I will say, I think it's more so about where are the 559 00:28:20,251 --> 00:28:21,331 lies coming from? 560 00:28:22,371 --> 00:28:22,771 We. 561 00:28:25,091 --> 00:28:26,291 Yesterday, I was doing my. 562 00:28:26,291 --> 00:28:29,811 I was getting my hair cut because I knew I was going to be 563 00:28:29,811 --> 00:28:32,171 in front of all of y', all, and I was like, I got to look pretty 564 00:28:32,171 --> 00:28:32,451 good. 565 00:28:33,251 --> 00:28:33,691 Thank you. 566 00:28:33,691 --> 00:28:34,051 Thank you. 567 00:28:34,051 --> 00:28:34,771 Appreciate that. 568 00:28:35,491 --> 00:28:37,251 He said, looking fresh, by the way. 569 00:28:38,211 --> 00:28:39,571 I know you guys agree too. 570 00:28:39,651 --> 00:28:42,051 All right, let me stop just joking. 571 00:28:42,781 --> 00:28:48,621 But I was getting my hair cut, and the barber with me that was cutting 572 00:28:48,621 --> 00:28:55,061 my hair, she said, to me, she said, you know, can you believe that 573 00:28:55,061 --> 00:28:56,301 I've never been to jail? 574 00:28:56,301 --> 00:28:57,541 I mean, it wasn't random. 575 00:28:57,541 --> 00:28:59,181 It was a conversation we were having. 576 00:28:59,421 --> 00:29:00,741 And then she said that. 577 00:29:00,741 --> 00:29:02,701 She's like, you know, I've never been to prison. 578 00:29:02,861 --> 00:29:04,501 There's so many people that have been to prison. 579 00:29:04,501 --> 00:29:06,941 And I'm like, who do you know? 580 00:29:09,491 --> 00:29:10,611 Like, I mean, I get it. 581 00:29:10,771 --> 00:29:12,531 There are a lot of people, right? 582 00:29:13,571 --> 00:29:18,691 But the fact that you felt like you were normal for. 583 00:29:18,691 --> 00:29:22,371 Not like, that's something that you can share with someone and 584 00:29:22,371 --> 00:29:24,211 say, hey, I've never been there. 585 00:29:25,651 --> 00:29:28,851 The question I had in my mind was, who do you know? 586 00:29:29,651 --> 00:29:33,811 And that's really the question that I would say is that we have 587 00:29:33,811 --> 00:29:35,751 to ask ourselves is, is who? 588 00:29:35,911 --> 00:29:37,431 Like, who told you that? 589 00:29:37,591 --> 00:29:40,071 Or what did you see growing up? 590 00:29:40,071 --> 00:29:44,871 Or who do you know that aligns with the thought that you have? 591 00:29:45,351 --> 00:29:50,111 You know, social media will constantly make you feel like you're 592 00:29:50,111 --> 00:29:51,991 not living up to the expectation. 593 00:29:52,471 --> 00:29:53,911 But whose expectation? 594 00:29:55,831 --> 00:29:56,951 I remember, like, going. 595 00:29:57,191 --> 00:29:58,231 Coming to V1. 596 00:29:59,191 --> 00:30:03,351 And every time I'd come to church, I'd be like, I'd leave church 597 00:30:03,351 --> 00:30:04,791 feeling like, all right, I got it. 598 00:30:04,951 --> 00:30:06,151 I know what I gotta do. 599 00:30:06,391 --> 00:30:09,471 I just gotta listen to this word maybe on repeat or whatever, 600 00:30:09,471 --> 00:30:11,511 or go through this scripture, and I'm good. 601 00:30:11,991 --> 00:30:15,311 Then Apostle Mike would drop another word and I'd be like, oh, 602 00:30:15,311 --> 00:30:15,791 my God. 603 00:30:15,791 --> 00:30:17,751 Okay, here's something else. 604 00:30:17,911 --> 00:30:20,071 And then I'd come back, like, three years later. 605 00:30:20,071 --> 00:30:23,271 I'm like, oh, my God, like, when am I gonna get it? 606 00:30:24,231 --> 00:30:27,441 And the thing I had to do was switch my perspective. 607 00:30:27,511 --> 00:30:32,871 Perspective and say to myself, randall, you will never arrive. 608 00:30:33,991 --> 00:30:37,031 Stop thinking you will arrive to someplace. 609 00:30:37,431 --> 00:30:40,591 Like, the arrival comes when you make it to heaven. 610 00:30:40,591 --> 00:30:44,391 And you no longer have to figure, like, life out. 611 00:30:44,551 --> 00:30:46,951 You no longer have to figure this thing out. 612 00:30:47,431 --> 00:30:52,591 And when we change our perspective, then we begin to stop 613 00:30:52,591 --> 00:30:55,481 living to certain expectations of our past. 614 00:30:55,961 --> 00:31:00,001 Of my father, who was trying to teach me, you know, all the grammar 615 00:31:00,001 --> 00:31:00,681 and everything. 616 00:31:00,681 --> 00:31:04,121 And I love my father, and he's taught me some great things. 617 00:31:04,441 --> 00:31:09,001 And he taught me based off of his own experience. 618 00:31:09,961 --> 00:31:13,961 He, in his mind, he was like, son, my dad wasn't educated. 619 00:31:14,281 --> 00:31:15,481 I got educated. 620 00:31:15,481 --> 00:31:17,881 So you're going to be educated, right? 621 00:31:17,961 --> 00:31:19,321 And so now. 622 00:31:19,801 --> 00:31:22,271 Now it was like, okay, this is all I'm going to teach you. 623 00:31:22,351 --> 00:31:25,871 But then what happens to the sport phenom that didn't make it 624 00:31:25,951 --> 00:31:26,351 to. 625 00:31:26,351 --> 00:31:26,671 To. 626 00:31:26,671 --> 00:31:29,951 To become the NBA or NFL player that he was going to become? 627 00:31:30,271 --> 00:31:32,711 And then now it's like, all right, we're going to go to Every 628 00:31:32,711 --> 00:31:34,431 practice, Son, what's wrong with you? 629 00:31:34,431 --> 00:31:35,271 Why aren't you doing this? 630 00:31:35,271 --> 00:31:37,831 And it's like, but that place where you were supposed to come in 631 00:31:37,831 --> 00:31:41,151 love is now this place where you're trying to push this person, 632 00:31:41,231 --> 00:31:43,311 this child or this person, too. 633 00:31:43,551 --> 00:31:45,551 And it's like, what is your expectation? 634 00:31:46,031 --> 00:31:50,871 So the question, the answer is really is, like, where is your perspective? 635 00:31:50,871 --> 00:31:53,471 How are you looking at the situation that you're in? 636 00:31:53,871 --> 00:31:54,831 Like, why do you. 637 00:31:54,831 --> 00:31:58,791 Like, why did you feel like I have to be the greatest hospitality 638 00:31:58,791 --> 00:32:01,471 host ever than anyone else? 639 00:32:01,791 --> 00:32:04,111 Is it because you were watching Better Home and Gardens 640 00:32:04,111 --> 00:32:04,991 like the night before? 641 00:32:05,631 --> 00:32:10,151 You know, hgtv, like, oh, man, I don't have the flower at the middle 642 00:32:10,151 --> 00:32:12,991 of the table with the letter that invites everyone. 643 00:32:13,071 --> 00:32:13,471 My. 644 00:32:13,471 --> 00:32:14,211 My house doesn't sit. 645 00:32:14,361 --> 00:32:17,801 Smell like baked cookies and whatnot, you know, and it's. 646 00:32:17,801 --> 00:32:18,761 It's like, what work? 647 00:32:18,761 --> 00:32:19,961 What are you taking in? 648 00:32:20,281 --> 00:32:22,041 So that's really so good. 649 00:32:22,521 --> 00:32:23,401 That's so good. 650 00:32:23,641 --> 00:32:28,601 So oftentimes we feel stuck is because we keep looking at our past 651 00:32:28,681 --> 00:32:34,321 way too much, and we are believing the lies that people may 652 00:32:34,321 --> 00:32:37,281 have spoken over us, and we're coming into agreement with it, and 653 00:32:37,281 --> 00:32:39,641 we're like, okay, yes, that is who I am. 654 00:32:39,641 --> 00:32:41,161 Like, you said that that's who I am. 655 00:32:41,161 --> 00:32:41,561 I just. 656 00:32:41,561 --> 00:32:48,691 I'm the same snowflake that has so many different meanings, but 657 00:32:48,691 --> 00:32:49,731 I'm not going to go there. 658 00:32:52,371 --> 00:32:54,011 But I like how what you said. 659 00:32:54,011 --> 00:32:56,051 Pastor Ranzo, who do you know? 660 00:32:57,171 --> 00:33:00,131 And that brings me to my next question. 661 00:33:00,131 --> 00:33:02,771 And if, Christy, you can take this one. 662 00:33:03,411 --> 00:33:11,341 Knowing God or knowing who God is helps us know who we are. 663 00:33:12,301 --> 00:33:16,621 And if you don't know who you are, you need to learn who God is 664 00:33:16,861 --> 00:33:17,661 in your life. 665 00:33:18,541 --> 00:33:20,861 And so we're not defined by failure. 666 00:33:20,861 --> 00:33:22,541 We're not defined by trauma. 667 00:33:23,021 --> 00:33:25,581 We're not defined by comparison. 668 00:33:25,661 --> 00:33:27,181 Hello, somebody? 669 00:33:27,501 --> 00:33:28,301 Comparison. 670 00:33:30,061 --> 00:33:31,341 We're defined by Christ. 671 00:33:32,141 --> 00:33:33,021 So who is Christ? 672 00:33:35,111 --> 00:33:38,951 Mark 1:11 says, and a voice came from heaven. 673 00:33:39,591 --> 00:33:42,231 You are my beloved son. 674 00:33:42,871 --> 00:33:45,111 With you I am well pleased. 675 00:33:45,431 --> 00:33:50,151 And so God, he spoke this over Jesus before he did anything. 676 00:33:50,871 --> 00:33:55,751 And it was identity that precedes performance. 677 00:33:57,111 --> 00:34:02,941 And so, Christy, if you could tell me how your relationship with 678 00:34:02,941 --> 00:34:06,581 God helped you confront and replace those inner lies. 679 00:34:09,061 --> 00:34:13,621 So just for a little context before I answer that, when I first 680 00:34:13,621 --> 00:34:18,541 joined my first Connect group that you led, and I remember sharing 681 00:34:18,541 --> 00:34:20,981 the things that I was experiencing, you said, you're going 682 00:34:20,981 --> 00:34:22,341 through an identity crisis. 683 00:34:22,341 --> 00:34:23,381 And I was like, what? 684 00:34:23,941 --> 00:34:24,261 What? 685 00:34:24,261 --> 00:34:25,501 Like, right now, I'm a therapist. 686 00:34:25,501 --> 00:34:27,461 I'm like, oh, this is what I'm experiencing, experiencing. 687 00:34:27,861 --> 00:34:32,021 And then I just went into my own therapy with my counselor. 688 00:34:32,021 --> 00:34:33,621 I was like, I want to know who God is. 689 00:34:33,861 --> 00:34:34,741 Who is He? 690 00:34:34,741 --> 00:34:35,581 Who am I? 691 00:34:35,581 --> 00:34:37,061 Who does he say I am? 692 00:34:37,621 --> 00:34:41,181 And in that process, it was like a two year process that I was 693 00:34:41,181 --> 00:34:45,941 in counseling, I just got to know him being faithful, right? 694 00:34:45,941 --> 00:34:52,141 I got to know him being true that he would not fail me, that he 695 00:34:52,141 --> 00:34:53,491 intercedes, right? 696 00:34:53,491 --> 00:34:57,651 That Jesus, that even when I was a sinner and dead in my trespasses, 697 00:34:57,651 --> 00:35:01,331 that he died for me, that he didn't leave me in that darkness. 698 00:35:01,491 --> 00:35:06,291 And knowing that truth and knowing that he called me, God called 699 00:35:06,291 --> 00:35:07,331 me to Himself. 700 00:35:07,891 --> 00:35:10,051 It just showed me everything of who I am. 701 00:35:10,371 --> 00:35:14,371 And I was able to just tell myself and remind myself that if 702 00:35:14,371 --> 00:35:18,321 the enemy tries to come and, and cause doubt, my faith will submit, 703 00:35:18,471 --> 00:35:22,951 sustain me, that I'll remember that God says who I am, that when 704 00:35:22,951 --> 00:35:27,991 he said I am the great I am, he told me who I was in him, right? 705 00:35:27,991 --> 00:35:31,551 So when those doubts come up, I know for a fact, without a shadow 706 00:35:31,551 --> 00:35:35,591 of a doubt that it's not from God and that I rebuke it and I resist 707 00:35:35,591 --> 00:35:38,671 the devil and I don't give myself to him. 708 00:35:38,671 --> 00:35:42,191 Because I do have an intercessor who prays for me, who's 709 00:35:42,191 --> 00:35:45,531 interceding for me, who's constantly seeing, saying that I 710 00:35:45,531 --> 00:35:47,371 know your faith will not fail. 711 00:35:48,251 --> 00:35:52,931 And that if I stand on that and stand firm, I can overcome everything 712 00:35:52,931 --> 00:35:55,771 through Christ who strengthens me, and I'm an overcomer. 713 00:35:55,931 --> 00:35:59,691 And I just cancel all of those doubts in the name of Jesus. 714 00:36:01,531 --> 00:36:02,891 I love that so much. 715 00:36:02,971 --> 00:36:07,331 Because, man, when you said, I have an intercessor that prays for 716 00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:11,131 me, and that is scripture, but it's also a song, right? 717 00:36:11,771 --> 00:36:15,601 And it has gone throughout the earth and it's so powerful because 718 00:36:15,681 --> 00:36:18,001 how many times do we believe the light? 719 00:36:18,001 --> 00:36:22,081 I need that person to pray for me because that person has an anointing. 720 00:36:22,081 --> 00:36:24,641 And I want to be free from all these things. 721 00:36:25,441 --> 00:36:31,281 But when we believe who God is, then we know who we are. 722 00:36:31,921 --> 00:36:34,521 I have an intercessor that prays for me. 723 00:36:34,521 --> 00:36:37,921 And I'm not going to be sifted by the things of this world. 724 00:36:38,161 --> 00:36:39,281 I'm not going to be. 725 00:36:39,521 --> 00:36:44,591 I'm not going to be caught up in the lies of what was spoken. 726 00:36:44,591 --> 00:36:46,071 Over me when I was little or. 727 00:36:46,071 --> 00:36:49,551 If I struggled reading or if I struggled comprehension. 728 00:36:49,791 --> 00:36:51,151 I'm not stupid. 729 00:36:51,231 --> 00:36:53,231 I'm not gonna believe those lies. 730 00:36:53,391 --> 00:36:56,831 I have an intercessor that prays for me. 731 00:36:57,071 --> 00:37:03,311 Let's stand to our feet across all campuses, every living room, 732 00:37:03,871 --> 00:37:09,661 I want you to speak over yourself right now. 733 00:37:09,661 --> 00:37:10,581 Close your eyes. 734 00:37:10,821 --> 00:37:12,301 Put your hand over your heart. 735 00:37:12,301 --> 00:37:15,381 Because that is a place to know that we're safe. 736 00:38:06,152 --> 00:38:08,472 And I want you to tell yourself the lie. 737 00:38:09,512 --> 00:38:11,512 I'm too broken to be used by God. 738 00:38:12,632 --> 00:38:13,992 Come on, say it to yourself. 739 00:38:14,072 --> 00:38:15,992 I'm too broken to be used by God. 740 00:38:16,072 --> 00:38:20,672 Many of you thought that before, but here's the truth and 741 00:38:20,672 --> 00:38:22,032 I want you to say it over yourself. 742 00:38:22,032 --> 00:38:23,112 So repeat after me. 743 00:38:24,372 --> 00:38:28,132 God's power is made perfect in my weakness. 744 00:38:29,652 --> 00:38:35,252 God's power is made perfect in my weakness. 745 00:38:36,532 --> 00:38:43,172 And so, Father, I declare over each person today that they are enough 746 00:38:44,692 --> 00:38:46,052 in Christ Jesus. 747 00:38:49,182 --> 00:38:54,062 Your voice matters, your thoughts matter. 748 00:38:54,782 --> 00:38:56,302 Your life matters. 749 00:38:56,462 --> 00:38:57,822 You belong here. 750 00:38:59,262 --> 00:39:03,582 And God has a plan and a purpose for your life today. 751 00:39:05,022 --> 00:39:07,102 No pain is wasted. 752 00:39:08,542 --> 00:39:11,662 And Father, we pray right now in the name of Jesus. 753 00:39:11,982 --> 00:39:17,142 We take and we uproot every lie of the enemy that would speak 754 00:39:17,142 --> 00:39:19,462 over them to say that they're not enough. 755 00:39:21,062 --> 00:39:22,302 And we speak truth. 756 00:39:22,302 --> 00:39:23,302 They are enough. 757 00:39:25,142 --> 00:39:28,022 And you came for their very life. 758 00:39:29,062 --> 00:39:30,662 You came to transform. 759 00:39:31,462 --> 00:39:33,382 You came to give new life. 760 00:39:35,142 --> 00:39:35,502 Where. 761 00:39:35,502 --> 00:39:37,062 Lives have been broken. 762 00:39:37,782 --> 00:39:39,422 You came to bring new life. 763 00:39:39,422 --> 00:39:42,662 And we thank you Jesus for new life. 764 00:39:42,822 --> 00:39:45,782 We thank you Jesus, that you are the rescuer. 765 00:39:46,462 --> 00:39:51,302 You are the rescuer from every pit and every prison that we've ever 766 00:39:51,302 --> 00:39:54,422 been in in the name of Jesus. 767 00:39:54,422 --> 00:39:59,422 So we pray God, that negative self talk will not be our portion. 768 00:40:00,622 --> 00:40:02,782 And we take a hold of truth. 769 00:40:03,822 --> 00:40:07,262 We take a hold of truth right now in the name of Jesus. 770 00:40:07,822 --> 00:40:11,582 And we pray over our minds that it would be renewed every day 771 00:40:12,392 --> 00:40:16,192 and that our hearts would align, that our emotions would align. 772 00:40:16,192 --> 00:40:19,192 What you say in the name of Jesus. 773 00:40:19,992 --> 00:40:23,592 So we thank you Father, for your truth. 774 00:40:23,992 --> 00:40:29,192 We thank you God, that your blood breaks the yoke of bondage, 775 00:40:30,232 --> 00:40:34,952 that your truth comes in and we could be set free, God. 776 00:40:35,032 --> 00:40:39,112 And your light comes in, O God, and you pray bring light over 777 00:40:39,112 --> 00:40:42,312 the darkness of the things that we believe in our hearts and 778 00:40:42,312 --> 00:40:42,992 our minds. 779 00:40:43,312 --> 00:40:47,072 And so Father, we pray God, that you would bring freedom, that 780 00:40:47,072 --> 00:40:51,672 you would set free the minds today, that you would mend the hearts 781 00:40:51,672 --> 00:40:53,072 today that are broken. 782 00:40:53,232 --> 00:40:55,952 In the name of Jesus Christ, we pray. 783 00:40:56,592 --> 00:40:58,992 Amen and Amen. 784 00:40:59,552 --> 00:41:00,672 Thank you Jesus. 785 00:41:00,832 --> 00:41:02,832 Let's give God a shout of praise. 786 00:41:04,302 --> 00:41:05,502 Thank you Jesus. 787 00:41:06,462 --> 00:41:07,662 Thank you Father.