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Hey, everybody, it's Becky
here. Me and Zur are back, and we're

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with another fantastic episode
of the Fielder podcast, and we are

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here with two very, very
special guests. We have Bethany,

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of course, so you guys
remember, and then an extra special

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guest because it's your first
time here.

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First time ever.

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Yeah. What is. Can you
introduce yourself and your relationship

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to other panelists potentially here?

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Hey. Well, my name is Raf
Fael. Everybody calls me Rafi, and

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I am Bethany's dad.

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And we. We brought them here
today because we kind of wanted to

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talk about something that I
don't feel like ever gets asked,

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but I think we all kind of
navigate it differently. We actually

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tried to record this episode
last season, but it didn't come out

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the way we wanted. And so we
wanted to try again, and we didn't

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have Rafi, and so I think
he's, like, the missing piece for

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this episode. But we're here
to talk about how can you approach

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a healthy relationship with
your parents as an adult child? And

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we brought them to. Not
necessarily because you guys are,

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like, the unhealthiest or the
healthiest, but, like, you guys are

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very. I don't know, I feel,
like, very forthcoming about how

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much y' all have grown and,
like, as Bethany continues to, like,

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become, you know, even more
gross and independent, like, how

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the dynamic has shifted. And
so I kind of wanted to, like, ask

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you guys a little bit about
that. So I guess, like, a question

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that I can start all of us on
is, like, you know, scripture talks

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about honoring your father and
mother, and it was, like, one of

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the first commandments that
had a blessing attached to it. So,

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like, how does. How do you
feel like that has. How have you

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approached that commandment in
your personal life with your parents

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or in your case, both of Yalls
cases with children?

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Yeah.

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Why don't you go first?

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Oh, I go first. This is great.
You know, I. This is something. I

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remember it from being very
young, knowing this commandment.

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No understanding there's an
expectation from God about honoring

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your parents. I also remember
early on learning this is the only

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commandment that comes with a
promise, Right. When it talks about

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having. Having the expectation
of. Of a long life when you honor

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your parents. And I had two
very different parents. I had a mom

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that was loving and caring and
sweet and everything you could ever

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ask for, and it was so easy to
honor her. And then I had a dad who

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was detached and rough around
the edges and harsh and mean words

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and unbeliever. And so it was
hard to honor Him. And yet I always

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had that fear. And not an
unhealthy fear, but a fear of the

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Lord, of, am I doing what God
wants from me? Right. And. And it's

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just respecting them as best
you can, respecting who they are.

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You know, a lot of times you
honor people by the way you refer

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or talk about them when
they're not there. You honor people

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by the way you talk to them,
the way you treat them. There's so

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many things about honoring.
You know, a lot of people think honoring

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only means obeying. Like, you
have to obey your parents. And I

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think that there are times
where people are able. You can disobey

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or disagree without
necessarily dishonoring.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's
good. What about.

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I don't want to say it all.

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No, no, I think that's great.
What about you guys?

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Yeah, I mean, I think that's.
There's a lot of truth in that, I

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think. Yeah. I can't look at
you so weird. No, I think my perception.

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We'll see what his comments
are. But my perception of me as a

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child, I was very much, like,
not always, but very obedient or,

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like, submissive, because I
just always. That's just. I'm a people

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pleaser, and so I'm just.
That's very much my character. And

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as I grew up, I was like,
that's enough. I've obeyed for long

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enough. And I think as I
became an adult, that was harder.

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And also learning that
honoring isn't always obese obedience,

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especially in Hispanic
culture, where it's like, what your

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parents say, I feel like is
in. I think in Hispanic culture just

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a little more heavier than
other cultures. And being a, like,

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unmarried woman who, like,
moves out of the house and being

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so independent, I think that
there's, like, challenges that I

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face. And I don't think I
always handled it healthily because

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I just was like, nobody tells
me what to do. But.

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But I, you know.

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No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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I think everybody goes through that.

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Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

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Rebelliousness. But there's a
beauty to the obedience part, I think.

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I think the obedience is also
part of the honoring and part of

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the trusting your parents that
they want the best for you. And,

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I mean, there's a lot of good
about. About obedience. And you don't.

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I don't know if I've shared
this. Maybe I've shared it with other

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adults. I didn't want to spoil
it, so I didn't tell her, but. But

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no, when. When. When we were
pregnant, waiting for Bethany, I

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was working with an agency
that did a lot of social work. And

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I met with a lot of families,
and sometimes we would take families

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to offices to do different
kind of paperwork and things. And

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some of the kids that came
along were really difficult. And

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those were the kind of kids
that the parent would go, hey, come

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over here and sit down. No.
Very challenging. And I was very

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taken back. And I was like, I
can't believe how some of these kids

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blatantly disobey and disrespect.

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Like, that's not just disobey.

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It's also like, yes. And so I
began to pray. You know, a lot of

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people pray, God, give me a
healthy baby. God, give me a healthy

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baby. And I honestly, I prayed
often, often, often, God, give me

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an obedient baby. Even your
beating child, even though he's out.

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And here she is now. I'm
telling you, Bethany has been incredibly

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obedient in so many ways. And
even when. When we would say, hey,

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no, we're not. We're not going
to play at this time, or, we're not

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doing that, or, Bethany, don't
go there, she would be submissive.

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She would be obedient to. To
the authority of her parents. And

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so praise the Lord.

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Yeah, let's praise God.

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Yeah, Until.

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Until she became, like, an
adult. Ish. You know, like, legally

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speaking.

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Yeah. And I had a really
interesting journey, too, because

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it's like, I graduated high
school, and then I moved over overseas

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for missions for two years. So
I was, like, immediately by myself.

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And then I came back after
being on the mission field living

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with my parents, and I was
like, what do you mean? I can't go

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out right now? Like, I haven't
lived with you for two years. So

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there's also, like,
everybody's story is different. You

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know, everybody has different,
like, seasons or different challenges.

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And so for me, that was hard
because I was like, you can't tell

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me what to do. You don't even
know what I've been doing for two

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years. But not that I was
doing anything bad. I was doing ministry.

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But, you know.

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But.

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Yeah, yeah, but. Yeah, but
anyways, that's just kind of my perspective.

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Yeah, no, I think that's a
really good, kind of just like, interesting

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way to segue into mine,
because I had a similar experience.

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When I was 19, I moved here to
Texas from California to go to school.

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And that put me. I mean, I had
already been away from my parents

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for a long time, but then to
do it for school here in America

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when they were just in
California, it became a time, it

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was a season for me where
honoring them was obedience. Yes.

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But there was also times when
I disagreed and I was like, well,

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I'm here in Texas, you're all
the way there in California. I'm

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going to live my life. But I,
I did, I really did heed their wisdom,

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their experience. Like I would
call them often and be like. And

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I think that was my way of
honoring them. I was like, yes, I'm

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independent and I'm living my
own life here in Texas. I even, yeah,

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we'll get there once we. I'll
explain. But I, it really was like

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I am choosing to honor them by
living according to the wisdom that

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they give me. So I would like
constantly, frequently call them

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and be like, how do I do this?
How do I do that? And because they

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wouldn't necessarily tell me,
like, you need to obey in this certain

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way. But it was, here's some
godly wisdom. And then it was choosing

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to honor them by listening to
that Wizla.

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No, that's good. Yeah. I feel
like I feel similar to both of you.

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Like, I went for college, I
moved to Dallas to go study at DVU

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whenever I was 18 and then I
haven't been home since. And then

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like whenever. And then my mom
remarried when I was in high school

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and so like it, there was just
like a lot of transition that just

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made it a little easier to
disconnect. And I think like through

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trial and error, my mom and I
don't always see eye to eye, but

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I think I understand her in a
lot of ways because like, she raised

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us in like really hard
circumstances. It was just her with

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three girls. And so I think I
have a lot more respect for her.

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And I think out of that
respect and love and like low key

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admiration for her, like I
want to, I, I think I, I just get

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convicted whenever I
disconnect from her too easily and

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don't involve her in my life.
Like, I think parents ultimately

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just like, I don't know, I'm
not a parent, but like, I think they

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ultimately just want to be
involved in their kids lives, you

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know, even as they're adults,
you know. But that being said, like

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whenever you look at Bethany
right now, sorry. So I'm sorry, I'm

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trying to make this like, but
like whenever you look at Bethany,

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like do you see her as a baby
or do you see her like, you know,

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you see it in movies, like
whenever you look at a child and

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Well, I, I think.

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There'S a, there's a love and,
and a care for her where she's my

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daughter, you know, I'm always
going to run to the rescue anytime

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I need to. Right. I'm, I'm
always going to be there. But I don't

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see her as a baby, especially
because as she has grown, she, she

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continues to show how he, how
she's mature, how she makes decisions

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that are good, how she is able
to care for herself in so many different

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things. And so as you, I think
as a parent, you watch your children.

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Right. Of course you're trying
to see if you see, if you, if you're

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able to see that they're doing
things that you were hoping they

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would do, you know, that they
would be productive, that they would

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be respectful to others, that
they would be. In my case, I, I wanted

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to see my kids being in love
with Jesus and serving the Lord and,

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and so when you see some of
these things happening, it's, it's

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like, oh, okay, it's
happening. Right. You know, it, I'm

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seeing the fruit and I'm
seeing maturity. And so it just builds

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more trust. So I don't, I
don't think I see you as a baby.

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You always be my daughter.
It's hard to see her sometimes differently

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than, you know, she's still my
daughter. She sees, she's still someone

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that I'm, I'm always kind of
like, do you need something?

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Yeah, yeah.

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Can I help you? Do you need
some of my wisdom? Right. And it.

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Not in a bad way. Yeah. It's
just I think that, you know, a lot,

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a lot of young people, they,
they have the desire to become independent

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adults and I think that's a
good thing.

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Yeah.

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And in a way, you know,
sometimes you're like, okay, please

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don't tell me what to do. I'm
a grown up and all of that. And your

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parents mean well, but
sometimes they, they just, you know,

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stick their nose or, or they
try to help.

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They want to help.

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Yeah. And it's just this
desire to see you succeed and, and

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sometimes we think we have it
figured out and we haven't. We're

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still learning.

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Yeah.

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But we think we do and we want
to pass on to you what we think we

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know is great.

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Yeah. I remember one time,
this is not related, but like, I

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remember one time Bethany was
telling me something that she was

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walking through and I don't
even remember what the context was,

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but I remember like give,
because I had walked through something

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similar and I was giving her
my insight and I was like very aggress

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about it, like, I was like,
this is, like, what you should do.

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Like, I've been there before.
Like, and it ended up pushing her

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more away because she was just
like, I. Like, I don't know. And

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so, like, in my desire, in my
heart, was to, like, protect her

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from, like, the pain that I
walked through in the same situation.

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Like, it doesn't always come
off that way, you know? So, like,

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do you feel like that could be.

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Yeah. You know, I've Learned
with all 3 of my kids becoming adults

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now. I mean, My youngest is
19. I realize that the more I come

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to them with saying, you have
to do this, or it's usually not well

215
00:12:45,870 --> 00:12:50,270
received. And so I've learned
to come and say, can I help you with

216
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,030
something? You want to hear
what I think?

217
00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:52,670
Yeah.

218
00:12:53,470 --> 00:12:56,230
What would you like for me to
do? How do you. Like how you. Sometimes,

219
00:12:56,230 --> 00:12:59,360
you know, they'll come to you
for, you know, a question, and then

220
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:02,480
you want to give them every
answer of. So, you know, and they

221
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:03,360
just want one thing.

222
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:03,840
Yeah.

223
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:09,160
And so I. I try not to be,
like, either pushy or necessarily

224
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:13,640
being a. Know it all. But I'm
saying, how can I support you?

225
00:13:13,799 --> 00:13:14,160
Yeah.

226
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:14,520
You know?

227
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:16,520
Yeah. What about you? What do
you think about?

228
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:20,960
I don't know. I'm trying to
gather my thoughts. Yeah. I mean,

229
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:24,160
I agree with what both of you
are saying. I think I was just thinking

230
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:30,580
about how I'm very, like,
stereotypical, like, firstborn child.

231
00:13:30,820 --> 00:13:34,020
Want to be hyper independent,
want to, like, do my own thing, want

232
00:13:34,020 --> 00:13:37,580
to, like, I'm very much like,
try to be mom to my siblings, even

233
00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:40,380
though that's not my job, but
that's just older, oldest sibling

234
00:13:40,380 --> 00:13:47,100
type of thing. And I don't. I
don't like asking for help. I also.

235
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:50,460
But I also like being the
person that fixes things. And so

236
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:54,350
because of that, I have. And
I've realized this lots in, like,

237
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:58,390
the last couple years, just
that I don't really, like, expect,

238
00:13:59,350 --> 00:14:03,470
like, how you're saying, like,
I want to help you. I don't. Not

239
00:14:03,470 --> 00:14:05,990
that I don't think I can. I
just don't feel like I should be

240
00:14:05,990 --> 00:14:09,430
asking you because I feel like
I should be like, I'm an adult now.

241
00:14:09,910 --> 00:14:12,390
Yeah. I should be in a dip,
and I don't need to ask for help.

242
00:14:12,550 --> 00:14:15,070
So when I do ask my dad for
help and he's like, yeah, what do

243
00:14:15,070 --> 00:14:19,260
you need? I'm like, oh, my
God. But it's not that, like, that

244
00:14:19,260 --> 00:14:21,980
door has ever been closed.
It's just almost like an expectation

245
00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:26,540
of, like, I Don't know if it's
just the world or, like, people around

246
00:14:26,540 --> 00:14:29,500
you that you have, like,
that's an expectation, but it's like,

247
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,660
it feels like we have to have
everything figured out where at the

248
00:14:32,660 --> 00:14:35,260
same time, there's, like, your
parents want to be there for you.

249
00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:38,300
And so it's just like, it's so
interesting just to hear that perspective

250
00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:41,580
because I, like, know that,
but I don't always believe that because

251
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:43,940
I feel like I have to have
everything figured out myself because

252
00:14:43,940 --> 00:14:44,540
I'm grown now.

253
00:14:44,540 --> 00:14:48,470
Yeah. You know, and I think. I
don't know. Speaking for me as a

254
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:53,510
parent is that you never stop
loving your kids. You know, I mean,

255
00:14:53,750 --> 00:14:56,630
when they born and you're. You
go crazy. You're nuts about this

256
00:14:56,630 --> 00:14:59,030
little baby. And the more they
grow, the more you love them and

257
00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:02,190
the more you love them. And
now neither adults. And they have

258
00:15:02,190 --> 00:15:04,790
their own mind and they have
their own decisions, but you still

259
00:15:04,790 --> 00:15:09,750
love them even more. And so
you never mean anything bad for them.

260
00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:18,000
But I don't think there's
anyone in this earth that will come

261
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:22,840
to your aid or help you or to
listen to you with the same amount

262
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:27,280
of love, you know, that your
parents. Yeah, yeah. Hopefully that's

263
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:28,440
the case, you know, for most people.

264
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:29,920
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

265
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:34,280
Whether they're. Whether they
know how to fix things or whether

266
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:39,580
they have the tools to do
things. There's a love there. Right.

267
00:15:40,220 --> 00:15:44,660
I. I love that you're talking
about. There is the love, even if

268
00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:49,300
you don't even have
necessarily the answers. Like, I.

269
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:53,100
I experienced that. I mean, I
am a father, but more so I'm just

270
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:57,580
speaking about my dad and his
availability to me. Like, that was

271
00:15:57,580 --> 00:16:03,740
one of the biggest things that
I experienced was my dad was in ministry

272
00:16:03,740 --> 00:16:08,350
for 17 years. I'm still doing
ministry. I mean, you know, but he

273
00:16:08,350 --> 00:16:12,430
was a pastor of a church for
17 years. I'm coming hot out of Bible

274
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:17,270
college thinking I know
everything, you know, And I just

275
00:16:17,270 --> 00:16:19,990
remember sitting down across
the table from him, trying to tell

276
00:16:19,990 --> 00:16:22,950
him, like, here's how I'm
going to do ministry, and here's

277
00:16:22,950 --> 00:16:26,670
all these things. And, like,
some of it is new to him, some of

278
00:16:26,670 --> 00:16:33,420
it was old to him. But on the
things that he knew he wasn't overbearing.

279
00:16:33,420 --> 00:16:36,620
Like, he wasn't like, oh,
yeah, I know it all, you know, and

280
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:40,260
the things that he didn't
know, he was still very, like, humble

281
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:43,540
and like. But it was like, for
me, the biggest thing that I took

282
00:16:43,540 --> 00:16:49,260
away from him was availability
and love. Like, kind of like we just

283
00:16:49,260 --> 00:16:53,700
like, for Me, it was like, to
know that my dad was there and then

284
00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:57,780
me also wanting to have my own
independence and like, exercise it,

285
00:16:58,620 --> 00:17:01,340
but then just knowing that I
had somebody to fall back on, really,

286
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:04,140
for me, was huge. Yeah.

287
00:17:04,140 --> 00:17:08,980
Growing up, so to have that
support. Yeah, I agree. And I, I

288
00:17:08,980 --> 00:17:12,140
don't know, it just got me
thinking about, like, whenever you

289
00:17:12,140 --> 00:17:16,180
do become an adult, sometimes
you do need to set boundaries. Like,

290
00:17:16,180 --> 00:17:19,700
I think my, my mom had a lot
of expectations of me whenever I

291
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:24,110
moved to Arlington that were
just really hard to meet. Like, I

292
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:27,870
was like, mom, like, I can't,
like, I can't, I can't spend like

293
00:17:27,870 --> 00:17:30,430
two hours a day on the phone.
Like, I don't, I don't have time.

294
00:17:30,430 --> 00:17:34,070
Like it. And, and then hating
myself for like saying that. But,

295
00:17:34,070 --> 00:17:38,070
like, that was just the season
that I was in and that. And like,

296
00:17:38,070 --> 00:17:41,790
after, like a lot of
conversations about it and she was

297
00:17:41,790 --> 00:17:45,590
just like, just really honest
of, like, I feel like as your mom,

298
00:17:45,590 --> 00:17:49,550
like, I'm low key, entitled to
that time and, and I, part of me

299
00:17:49,550 --> 00:17:52,720
agrees with her, but then the
other part of me is like, what do

300
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,920
you mean? You know, like, and
so it's just like, I don't know.

301
00:17:54,920 --> 00:18:00,080
So as a parent, like, how
would you feel? Like, what is your

302
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,040
perspective on that? On
something like that?

303
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,560
Everybody's different, you
know, everybody. Some, some parents

304
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,840
are very needy, some parents
are not.

305
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:09,640
That's true.

306
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:14,400
Everybody has a different
personality. Yeah. Of course. You

307
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,120
want to hear from your
children. You want to know they're

308
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:20,080
doing okay. Yeah. You want to
get a little, a text or a photo or

309
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,890
something. When Bethany was
overseas, we would get her every

310
00:18:23,890 --> 00:18:27,690
once in a while. She would
FaceTime and we would go nuts. Oh,

311
00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:31,450
here's Bethany. You know,
we're all excited because like I

312
00:18:31,450 --> 00:18:33,930
said, you never stop loving
them. You, you want to know they're

313
00:18:33,930 --> 00:18:40,170
doing well. You want to know?
And you know, I, I, I got married.

314
00:18:40,170 --> 00:18:43,610
I, I lived with my parents
until I got married. I was 24 and

315
00:18:43,610 --> 00:18:47,250
I moved to Texas immediately.
And so here I am thousands of miles

316
00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:52,160
away. We didn't have FaceTime
back then. This was the 90s. So we

317
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:56,640
had long distance call, 10
cents a minute. And, and it was hard

318
00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:02,360
to have a one hour phone call,
you know, and so I would try to call

319
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:05,320
my parents every once in a
while. But I know it was hard for

320
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:09,080
them. It was hard for them not
seeing us, not hearing from us. And

321
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:13,120
then you get busy. You have
your own life and things. But there's

322
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:17,140
these people over there who
are dying to Know, how are you?

323
00:19:17,140 --> 00:19:17,780
Where are you?

324
00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:22,860
Are you doing okay? Because
you, you don't stop caring for your

325
00:19:22,860 --> 00:19:24,340
children just because they're gone.

326
00:19:24,340 --> 00:19:24,820
Yeah.

327
00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:29,540
Just because they grow up
doesn't mean that you stop being

328
00:19:29,540 --> 00:19:30,980
concerned about their well being.

329
00:19:31,620 --> 00:19:33,780
Yeah. Any thoughts?

330
00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:38,180
No, I'm trying to process.

331
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:40,180
Yeah.

332
00:19:40,420 --> 00:19:43,970
I think I also have a hard
time. Like, I said, I was super hyper

333
00:19:43,970 --> 00:19:50,090
independent, but I just, like,
I don't know, I'm very easily, like,

334
00:19:50,090 --> 00:19:54,650
in my own world and don't
reach out. And it's not out of a

335
00:19:54,650 --> 00:19:56,770
place of like, I don't like
you, I don't want to talk to you.

336
00:19:56,770 --> 00:20:01,690
I just, I'm like, not thinking
about it. And I. My mom is very similar.

337
00:20:01,690 --> 00:20:05,810
She loves to hear from me and
wants to talk to me all the time.

338
00:20:05,810 --> 00:20:11,180
And I'm not good at it, but,
you know, it's hard. Parents are

339
00:20:11,180 --> 00:20:14,620
different and, you know, but
yeah, yeah, yeah.

340
00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:22,460
I mean, and it. I think that
personalities and people have different

341
00:20:22,460 --> 00:20:26,020
ways of, of handling things
like this, you know, I have a great

342
00:20:26,020 --> 00:20:28,780
relationship with.
Relationship with my sister, but

343
00:20:28,780 --> 00:20:32,460
she never calls me. I call her
and then when it's been a month or

344
00:20:32,460 --> 00:20:34,740
two months, I go, let me call
her. And she's like, oh, yeah, I've

345
00:20:34,740 --> 00:20:38,900
been meaning to call, but. And
so, but, but we know this and we

346
00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:42,740
accept it. And it's like, I'm
the one who calls. She answers. But

347
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:44,940
if I wait for her to call,
then I never hear from her.

348
00:20:44,940 --> 00:20:50,380
You know, and pause. I just
have to say something. I hate phone

349
00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:55,260
calls, like, more than
anything in the world. Like, if you

350
00:20:55,260 --> 00:21:00,140
call me, like, well, I'm not
gonna answer, like, so call me twice.

351
00:21:00,540 --> 00:21:03,620
And then, and then if I. And
then if I, if I do answer, like,

352
00:21:03,620 --> 00:21:06,270
I hope, like, not that I hope
you're dying, but like, I hope it's

353
00:21:06,270 --> 00:21:10,310
something like, yeah, like, I
just text me, man. Like, I'll get.

354
00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:13,470
I'll answer you probably
immediately. Whereas with a phone

355
00:21:13,470 --> 00:21:15,710
call, you're gonna have to
call me a couple times before I answer.

356
00:21:15,710 --> 00:21:18,470
Like, I just, I don't know
why. I just hate them. Like, I. I

357
00:21:18,470 --> 00:21:21,430
think it's the ambiguity of
it. Like, this could be like, whereas

358
00:21:21,430 --> 00:21:24,350
with Marco Polo or a voice
memo. Like, I know this is gonna

359
00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:27,310
be like five minutes. I know
this is gonna be like, like, but

360
00:21:27,390 --> 00:21:30,470
the ambigu. Yes. I don't know
what I'm signing up for. So, like,

361
00:21:30,470 --> 00:21:33,310
I think that's like my control
issues. But, like, I hate phone calls.

362
00:21:33,310 --> 00:21:36,940
And that is like the biggest
hurdle that me and my mom had. Like,

363
00:21:36,940 --> 00:21:40,140
whenever I moved away, was
just like, I detest phone calls,

364
00:21:40,140 --> 00:21:40,500
Mama.

365
00:21:40,580 --> 00:21:41,380
It's generational.

366
00:21:41,460 --> 00:21:43,900
Yeah, I think so, too. And
like, that was what she was explaining.

367
00:21:43,900 --> 00:21:45,620
She was like, it's
generational because you.

368
00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:49,740
Have to understand, I come
from a generation where we. We didn't

369
00:21:49,740 --> 00:21:54,420
have text, we didn't have
email, we didn't have Marco Polo.

370
00:21:54,420 --> 00:21:57,140
We didn't have a message with
a video.

371
00:21:57,220 --> 00:21:57,700
Yeah.

372
00:21:57,860 --> 00:21:59,460
We didn't have color id.

373
00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:02,700
That's correct. You're just
answering the phone.

374
00:22:02,700 --> 00:22:08,000
Like, color ID was invented
when I was graduate high school,

375
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:12,240
or at least it became
available. And so. And so this is.

376
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,040
You know, you just. The phone
rang and you're like, oh, I wonder

377
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:16,280
who is it? You know, and then
you just.

378
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,320
That wouldn't be me. I'd be
like, I'm not answering that.

379
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,240
There was an excitement about
this mystery call.

380
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:23,360
That's crazy.

381
00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:23,760
And then.

382
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:24,560
But that makes sense.

383
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:27,880
You just pick it up. And. And
so we come from a generation that

384
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,920
just need to talk to someone,
just pick up the phone and call.

385
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,720
And that's something that. We
just got used to it. Yeah. And so

386
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:38,800
now testing for us, because we
come from a different. Texting feels

387
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:43,400
impersonal. It feels like if
I'm texting you, because it's not

388
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:47,440
that important. Right. And so.
So it's just. It's. It's different

389
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:47,960
upbringing.

390
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:48,240
Yeah.

391
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:52,080
No, you're right. You're
right. Well, what about ex. Like,

392
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,240
you guys don't have to air out
your business, but, like, what are

393
00:22:55,240 --> 00:23:00,050
some examples? What are some
examples of, like, things that you've

394
00:23:00,050 --> 00:23:03,050
learned and, like, how to have
healthy conflict or, like, how to

395
00:23:03,050 --> 00:23:09,210
put, like, respect. How to
respect or put down healthy boundaries.

396
00:23:09,210 --> 00:23:09,570
Yeah.

397
00:23:09,570 --> 00:23:11,970
Like how. What are some things
you've learned? Bethany, I'd like

398
00:23:11,970 --> 00:23:12,610
you to go first.

399
00:23:12,690 --> 00:23:14,050
How do we have healthy conflicts?

400
00:23:14,130 --> 00:23:16,850
The first thing that I thought
about, which is so random because

401
00:23:16,850 --> 00:23:19,090
I don't think it's, like, a
big conflict, but I think it's a

402
00:23:19,090 --> 00:23:25,530
good example. When I was in
England, I. I was 18 when I moved

403
00:23:25,530 --> 00:23:31,450
there, and I turned 19 there.
And when I turned 18, it was this

404
00:23:31,450 --> 00:23:35,610
whole thing because I. Since I
could think about, I wanted a tattoo.

405
00:23:36,250 --> 00:23:39,170
And my mom, since I was very
little, had always been telling me,

406
00:23:39,170 --> 00:23:42,210
like, promise me you'll never
get a tattoo. Because she knew that

407
00:23:42,210 --> 00:23:44,730
if. Yeah, because she knew
that if I promised her when I was

408
00:23:44,730 --> 00:23:47,490
little that I wouldn't do it
because I was super obedient, and

409
00:23:47,490 --> 00:23:49,330
I was like, no, I'm not going
to promise you, because I know I

410
00:23:49,330 --> 00:23:52,140
want one. And so, like, all
the time growing up, she'd be like,

411
00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:55,580
promise me. Probably since I
was, like, 2 years old, but as soon

412
00:23:55,580 --> 00:23:59,140
as I could speak, I was
speaking. At six months old, I was

413
00:23:59,140 --> 00:24:02,620
speaking until as soon as I
could open my mouth. But she.

414
00:24:02,620 --> 00:24:04,020
I remember struggle is real.

415
00:24:05,780 --> 00:24:09,180
But I remember, like, driving
home from school in, like, middle

416
00:24:09,180 --> 00:24:11,580
school, seventh grade, mom
being like, randomly, promise me

417
00:24:11,580 --> 00:24:14,180
you'll never get a tattoo. And
I was like, no, why are you even

418
00:24:14,180 --> 00:24:16,340
thinking that? Like, literally randomly.

419
00:24:16,340 --> 00:24:17,740
She wanted to make sure she was.

420
00:24:17,740 --> 00:24:19,700
Like, covering all her bases.
Let me get them young.

421
00:24:20,740 --> 00:24:23,380
And so I remember when I
turned 18, she was like, you better

422
00:24:23,380 --> 00:24:26,020
not get a tattoo. And so I
told her I was like, I'm going to

423
00:24:26,020 --> 00:24:31,300
wait till I'm at least 19 to.
As a. Like, just testament that I'm

424
00:24:31,300 --> 00:24:34,740
not just doing this because I
want it so bad and because I just

425
00:24:34,740 --> 00:24:37,700
want to be rebellious or
whatever. And I actually waited until

426
00:24:37,700 --> 00:24:41,380
I was almost 20 and I was in
England. And I remember I called

427
00:24:41,380 --> 00:24:44,900
my mom to tell her, and she
was very devastated and very upset.

428
00:24:45,220 --> 00:24:48,270
You got it in England. Oh, I
feel like I didn't know that. Yeah.

429
00:24:48,510 --> 00:24:50,350
And so she got the word obedience.

430
00:24:53,630 --> 00:24:56,110
She's like, oh, I'm out of the
house. I can't do nothing.

431
00:24:56,190 --> 00:24:59,230
No, but I mean, it was very
helpful that I was not in the same

432
00:24:59,230 --> 00:25:02,990
country. No, but I.

433
00:25:02,990 --> 00:25:05,470
That was great because you
gave your mom maybe six months to

434
00:25:05,470 --> 00:25:05,990
get over it.

435
00:25:05,990 --> 00:25:09,870
Yeah, but she did not even
want to look at it when I moved back.

436
00:25:10,190 --> 00:25:13,990
It was so funny. But. No, but
I remember I called my mom to tell

437
00:25:13,990 --> 00:25:20,080
her, and she was devastated,
like. Like sobbing, like, Mark. She

438
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,880
did. She wasn't happy about me
marking my body. She's not as upset

439
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,000
about it now. I think she's
used to it since I have so many.

440
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,680
But I really just. I called
her because I was like, I want to

441
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:32,840
honor you and that I'm not
hiding this from you, and I have

442
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,560
not. I don't find this to be
wrong in my heart, but I know that

443
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,000
it upsets you. So I want to
tell you so that you know I'm not

444
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,410
hiding this from you. Yeah.
But at the same time, this is my

445
00:25:42,410 --> 00:25:46,730
decision, and she didn't like
it, and she was not happy. But I

446
00:25:46,730 --> 00:25:51,330
think that from conversations
that we've had, she's okay with it

447
00:25:51,330 --> 00:25:53,770
now because of how I
approached it. And I called my dad,

448
00:25:53,770 --> 00:25:55,250
too, and he said.

449
00:25:56,050 --> 00:25:57,970
What did I say? I don't remember.

450
00:25:58,050 --> 00:26:06,170
I remember he goes, wow, did
you tell your mom? Because I said,

451
00:26:06,170 --> 00:26:08,650
hey, just want to let you know
I'm getting a tattoo tomorrow. Oh,

452
00:26:08,810 --> 00:26:14,450
tell your mom it's the only
concern. Yeah, she's crying. He was

453
00:26:14,450 --> 00:26:16,250
at the office, too, so it was
so funny.

454
00:26:16,250 --> 00:26:19,730
You set off the bomb and then
you leave and I gotta deal. I gotta

455
00:26:19,730 --> 00:26:22,330
deal with them as I got, you
know, I gotta pick up the pieces.

456
00:26:22,330 --> 00:26:23,650
That is so funny.

457
00:26:23,650 --> 00:26:26,930
Yeah. But, you know, I think
it was really helpful. It was. It

458
00:26:26,930 --> 00:26:29,890
was one of the first things
that I felt like I did against my

459
00:26:29,890 --> 00:26:33,050
parents, you know, or really
like, my. What my parents wanted,

460
00:26:33,610 --> 00:26:37,790
especially just being a people
pleaser, being, like, so, like, submissive.

461
00:26:37,790 --> 00:26:40,510
It was. It was really hard,
but I was like, no, this is something

462
00:26:40,510 --> 00:26:43,470
that I've always wanted. And,
like, I'm not getting. I'm getting

463
00:26:43,470 --> 00:26:46,310
a tattoo, like, with a
scripture, you know, like, I'm not

464
00:26:46,310 --> 00:26:49,630
doing anything to my body. As
I've gotten more tattoos, she's less

465
00:26:49,630 --> 00:26:52,830
surprised. And I don't tell
her every time because it just comes

466
00:26:53,230 --> 00:26:55,630
up. But, you know, that's just
myself. No, that's good.

467
00:26:55,630 --> 00:26:59,470
I think that, you know, again,
I think generations and way of seeing

468
00:26:59,470 --> 00:27:03,790
things. I mean, there's the.
You can go into the tattoo debate

469
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:07,840
of so many angles to look at
it. Whether the scripture says this

470
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:11,280
or that or what does that mean
and whether it's right or wrong.

471
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:17,120
I think that at the same way,
we come from a different generation,

472
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:21,200
you know, and when. When we
were children, we. We learned what

473
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:27,240
our culture taught us. And ask
anybody who's over 50 who has had

474
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:31,160
a tattoo for at least 30 years
or so, and they'll tell you how people

475
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:34,210
were discriminated. People
were not given jobs for having a

476
00:27:34,210 --> 00:27:38,330
tattoo. People were, you know,
looked upon or frowned upon. And

477
00:27:38,330 --> 00:27:44,210
so I think there's a fear of
what this also means to the rest

478
00:27:44,210 --> 00:27:45,450
of the society and how people.

479
00:27:45,450 --> 00:27:47,810
Will look at you like, what
could your consequences be?

480
00:27:47,810 --> 00:27:51,890
I mean, I remember even
something that we talked about is,

481
00:27:51,890 --> 00:27:53,770
you know, so if you're going
to be a missionary, you're at a different

482
00:27:53,770 --> 00:27:57,890
country. How do those people
look at it from. From their point

483
00:27:57,890 --> 00:28:00,090
of view? What do they think
about it? Is that going to affect

484
00:28:01,450 --> 00:28:04,730
your ability to be a. An
effective witness of the gospel?

485
00:28:05,850 --> 00:28:08,170
And so, you know, even things
like that.

486
00:28:08,250 --> 00:28:09,370
Yeah, yeah.

487
00:28:09,530 --> 00:28:12,250
Because whether it's right or
wrong is irrelevant for the person

488
00:28:12,250 --> 00:28:13,610
who look at. Looks at you.

489
00:28:13,610 --> 00:28:14,090
Yeah.

490
00:28:14,090 --> 00:28:16,890
And just thinks about, you
know, makes up their mind or has

491
00:28:16,890 --> 00:28:18,970
a prejudice against. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

492
00:28:18,970 --> 00:28:21,570
And I think, like, what I hear
you saying, Bethany, about that is

493
00:28:21,570 --> 00:28:25,690
that you, like, you affirmed
like that you respect her input.

494
00:28:25,690 --> 00:28:30,490
Like, you're like, I, I. I
understand, but, like, I'm. I'm not

495
00:28:30,490 --> 00:28:33,250
making a reckless decision.
So, like, I don't know. I guess,

496
00:28:33,250 --> 00:28:35,770
like, how does your
communication change with your parents?

497
00:28:35,930 --> 00:28:36,890
I think. I think.

498
00:28:36,970 --> 00:28:40,250
Well, you want to answer that?
I mean, like, and your children,

499
00:28:40,250 --> 00:28:41,610
like, how does it change?

500
00:28:41,930 --> 00:28:46,050
I think your parents
eventually come to terms to, you

501
00:28:46,050 --> 00:28:49,890
made your decision, and you're
an adult. And I have to respect her

502
00:28:49,890 --> 00:28:52,810
as an adult. You know, whether
I agree with her decision or not,

503
00:28:53,030 --> 00:28:56,510
I'm gonna love her. I'm gonna
be there for her. Would I. Would

504
00:28:56,510 --> 00:28:59,430
I go tell her, yeah, do this
or do that? Maybe yes, maybe not.

505
00:28:59,750 --> 00:29:06,110
And so. But I'm gonna be there
for her. You know, I. My dad was

506
00:29:06,110 --> 00:29:10,230
not the kind of affirming
parent growing up for me, and so

507
00:29:10,230 --> 00:29:12,710
he was like, gru's mom. I
don't know if you've seen the movie.

508
00:29:12,710 --> 00:29:15,670
Have you seen. Have you seen
the Despicable Me?

509
00:29:16,470 --> 00:29:19,830
Oh, I don't. I thought it was
a name.

510
00:29:19,910 --> 00:29:20,790
Gru's mom.

511
00:29:21,270 --> 00:29:26,990
Gru's mom. The mother of Gru.
Yes. Yes. Yes, yes. Yes. Okay. Yes.

512
00:29:27,230 --> 00:29:31,270
Would come and say, hey, I
built a rocket. You know, hey, look,

513
00:29:31,270 --> 00:29:36,470
Mom, I went to the moon. Me.
You know? And so I would never get

514
00:29:36,470 --> 00:29:40,670
anything that would tell me, I
approve of you, my child. Right.

515
00:29:40,670 --> 00:29:44,590
And so I was always trying to
get my dad to say, great job. I'm

516
00:29:44,590 --> 00:29:47,510
proud of you. And it was just.
They never. I did, you know, and

517
00:29:47,510 --> 00:29:51,220
then I. And then I, As a
college student, I became a clown,

518
00:29:51,460 --> 00:29:54,340
you know? So I was. I was
making money doing birthday parties.

519
00:29:54,500 --> 00:29:55,940
We'll get into that lore later.

520
00:29:56,900 --> 00:29:59,860
But my dad would be like, man,
you know, I can't believe you're

521
00:29:59,860 --> 00:30:02,940
wasting money on this, on
that. And then it's like, okay, look,

522
00:30:02,940 --> 00:30:05,340
that. I just did this event.
They paid me 500 bucks.

523
00:30:05,340 --> 00:30:05,620
What?

524
00:30:06,740 --> 00:30:09,540
And then after a while, it
became where, like, he respected

525
00:30:09,540 --> 00:30:13,140
that I was working, earning
money, but I was always making decisions

526
00:30:13,140 --> 00:30:16,210
that he would not agree with.
And it was hard to feel like I was

527
00:30:16,210 --> 00:30:19,530
honoring him while I was
trying to respect him, but I was

528
00:30:19,530 --> 00:30:24,730
also being an adult and trying
to do things. And so I know there

529
00:30:24,730 --> 00:30:30,250
is a tension there. And you
can make it a healthy tension or

530
00:30:30,250 --> 00:30:33,730
a very unhealthy tension,
because when people lose tempers

531
00:30:33,730 --> 00:30:39,570
or disagree, then you can go
into saying words that are hurtful

532
00:30:39,570 --> 00:30:44,070
or. Or doing things that push
people away. And so that's when it

533
00:30:44,070 --> 00:30:46,550
gets difficult. And the last
thing you want to do is to push away,

534
00:30:46,870 --> 00:30:48,470
whether it's your parent or
your child.

535
00:30:50,390 --> 00:30:51,670
That's good. What about y' all?

536
00:30:51,910 --> 00:30:55,030
Yeah. I think when I just
think of, like. Because we're talking

537
00:30:55,110 --> 00:30:59,190
a lot about, like, at least
for me, one of the biggest moments,

538
00:30:59,190 --> 00:31:02,630
I think, when I look at my
adult life, where I had to set a

539
00:31:02,630 --> 00:31:06,070
boundary with my parents, was
when I told them I was going to marry

540
00:31:06,070 --> 00:31:10,120
Farah. Only because here's the
thing. I think we started dating

541
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:16,840
in October. I go home in December.

542
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,200
Y' all had that quick of an engagement.

543
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:24,600
No, no, no. Like, dating and
in December, so two months we were

544
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:26,480
dating or something like that.
I go home.

545
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:28,600
I remember I need to marry
this woman immediately.

546
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:29,640
She's the one.

547
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,600
Literally, I go home. I'm
sitting across the table at Chick

548
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:36,390
Fil a with my dad, and I said,
dad, this is it. I'm gonna marry

549
00:31:36,390 --> 00:31:39,110
her. And this is the first
thing he said. He said, what? You

550
00:31:39,110 --> 00:31:44,830
don't got a job. You're still
in school. You're like 21 years old.

551
00:31:45,950 --> 00:31:49,550
How are you gonna get married?
And I just said, I'm gonna do it.

552
00:31:50,590 --> 00:31:54,110
But here's the thing, you
know? And then he did a very similar

553
00:31:54,110 --> 00:31:59,030
thing. He said, have you told
your mom yet? Oh, no, I didn't. I

554
00:31:59,030 --> 00:32:02,990
remember we picked her up, and
the first thing he said when my mom

555
00:32:02,990 --> 00:32:08,430
got in the car was, tell your
mom what you just told me. So I told

556
00:32:08,430 --> 00:32:11,790
her. Oh, man. She was silent
for, like, that's worse.

557
00:32:11,870 --> 00:32:15,910
Good. While that's so much
worse, she's like. The wrath is,

558
00:32:15,910 --> 00:32:16,510
like, loading.

559
00:32:16,510 --> 00:32:17,070
Oh, yeah.

560
00:32:17,310 --> 00:32:19,910
It was like. I don't think her
brain was processing, like, what

561
00:32:19,910 --> 00:32:26,550
is going on here? Oh, yeah, it
was. It was. But you know what? It

562
00:32:26,550 --> 00:32:31,650
was so interesting to hear her
response, because it wasn't. My dad

563
00:32:31,650 --> 00:32:35,170
was very logical. It was like,
you didn't have. You know, you didn't

564
00:32:35,170 --> 00:32:38,770
have the things that you need.
My mom was very much like.

565
00:32:40,530 --> 00:32:40,810
What.

566
00:32:40,810 --> 00:32:45,090
Do you see in her? What are
the things that make her a quality

567
00:32:45,090 --> 00:32:47,210
person that you would want to
spend the rest of your life with

568
00:32:47,210 --> 00:32:51,810
her? Like, it was just very,
like, emotional. Very, like, so.

569
00:32:51,810 --> 00:32:55,910
But there. There came a point
when the. The ride was done. We were

570
00:32:55,910 --> 00:32:59,510
at home, and they both turned
around, we parked in the driveway,

571
00:32:59,510 --> 00:33:02,710
and they were just like, okay.
Like, after hearing all the things

572
00:33:02,710 --> 00:33:05,830
that we've talked about, are
you still going to decide to want

573
00:33:05,830 --> 00:33:09,710
to get to marry this woman?
And I. I sat and I processed it,

574
00:33:09,870 --> 00:33:14,430
but it was a moment of like,
okay, I hear your wisdom, but I'm

575
00:33:14,430 --> 00:33:18,470
also an adult, and I. I have
Thought this through. I prayed it

576
00:33:18,470 --> 00:33:22,690
through. Like, and I made the
decision. I said, I. I respect you.

577
00:33:22,690 --> 00:33:24,450
Thank you so much for giving
me your input.

578
00:33:24,450 --> 00:33:24,890
Yeah.

579
00:33:24,890 --> 00:33:28,890
But, yes, I'm gonna. When I
get back to Texas, we're gonna continue

580
00:33:28,970 --> 00:33:32,050
dating, and I'm gonna marry
this woman. And you know what? Guess

581
00:33:32,050 --> 00:33:37,329
what? I graduated, I got a
job, bought a ring, and voila, here

582
00:33:37,329 --> 00:33:41,330
we are, married. So it did
take a bit of, like, okay, I receive

583
00:33:41,330 --> 00:33:45,890
it. I respect it, but here's
the boundary, and I. I move forward.

584
00:33:45,890 --> 00:33:48,530
And I think that's the thing
of, like, we're not giving these

585
00:33:48,530 --> 00:33:52,170
people, like, a formula of,
like, how to receive or how to, like,

586
00:33:52,170 --> 00:33:55,650
receive feedback. Like, will
you, like, mean it? Like, say it,

587
00:33:55,650 --> 00:33:59,650
but mean it, like, like, truly
accept what they're. Take what they're

588
00:33:59,650 --> 00:34:02,090
giving you, like, the wisdom.
Because, like, the reality is, like,

589
00:34:02,090 --> 00:34:04,770
our parents are wiser than.
Than us. Like, you know, and I think

590
00:34:04,770 --> 00:34:07,930
sometimes it's easy to forget.
Well, that's what I'm saying. Like.

591
00:34:07,930 --> 00:34:11,130
Like. But that's what I was saying.

592
00:34:11,130 --> 00:34:12,450
Like, they are gonna have to say.

593
00:34:12,770 --> 00:34:13,610
We all knew it.

594
00:34:13,610 --> 00:34:16,520
It's like, you can think it,
but you don't have to. But, like,

595
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:19,600
they are, you know, they are
wiser than us. They have, like, more

596
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:22,200
like, you know, my mom is 30
years older than me, you know, so,

597
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:25,400
like, she has, like, decades
of experience and of life wisdom

598
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:28,400
and experiences over me. And,
like, just because it's not. The

599
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:32,000
wisdom isn't, like, attained
through this context or this culture

600
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,760
doesn't mean it's not still
wisdom. So, like, when she does tell

601
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:37,040
me something, and I
immediately am like, no, I don't

602
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:39,600
receive that. I'm gonna do
what I want. Like, I think the Lord

603
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:42,579
has helped me grow in, like,
truly receive what she's saying,

604
00:34:42,579 --> 00:34:45,019
like, and even if you disagree
with it, like, wrestle with it of,

605
00:34:45,019 --> 00:34:47,939
like, like, is what she's
saying something that I'm disagreeing

606
00:34:47,939 --> 00:34:50,539
with just because I don't
agree with it? Like, is there any

607
00:34:50,539 --> 00:34:53,579
truth that I can receive to
it? But, like, mean it. Like, I receive

608
00:34:53,579 --> 00:34:55,899
what you're saying. I hear
what you're saying. I've processed

609
00:34:55,899 --> 00:34:59,099
it, and I'm still gonna do,
like, you know, like, I think that

610
00:34:59,099 --> 00:35:03,099
there's Be genuine in it,
like, because, yeah, I mean, they

611
00:35:03,099 --> 00:35:08,090
are. Why they are years ahead
of us, and. And they have more life

612
00:35:08,090 --> 00:35:08,850
experience than we do.

613
00:35:08,850 --> 00:35:10,210
I think as the older person in.

614
00:35:10,210 --> 00:35:13,290
The room, I have something to say.

615
00:35:13,530 --> 00:35:18,090
Well, I've been in both sides.
I think you guys are young, where

616
00:35:18,250 --> 00:35:22,050
you've only been on one side,
you've been on the side of. I became

617
00:35:22,050 --> 00:35:25,890
an adult and now I'm making my
decisions and I have to deal with

618
00:35:25,890 --> 00:35:30,090
how my parents like or not or
support or don't like my decisions.

619
00:35:30,570 --> 00:35:34,370
And I think I was there and I
made some decisions. Like, I went

620
00:35:34,370 --> 00:35:36,930
up to my mom and I said, hey,
guess what? I feel the Lord's calling

621
00:35:36,930 --> 00:35:39,590
me. I've applied to seminary,
I'm moving to Texas, I'm getting

622
00:35:39,590 --> 00:35:43,750
married, and I'm, you know,
I'm going to live 3,000 miles away

623
00:35:43,750 --> 00:35:44,230
from you.

624
00:35:44,310 --> 00:35:47,710
You dumped all that on her in
the same sec in the same city? That's

625
00:35:47,710 --> 00:35:48,150
crazy.

626
00:35:48,150 --> 00:35:51,350
I dumped all that in my
parents, my sister, you know, my.

627
00:35:51,590 --> 00:35:56,310
Everybody. And so I love that
they, they were having, they were

628
00:35:56,310 --> 00:35:59,950
having a hard time with it,
but. But I wasn't thinking of, you

629
00:35:59,950 --> 00:36:04,720
know, whether they liked it
or, you know, I was moving on. But,

630
00:36:04,720 --> 00:36:08,360
you know, thinking back now,
on the other side of this, I'm. I

631
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,960
have a daughter who's 18 and
is telling me I'm moving to England.

632
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:15,520
And that's very hard. I was
like, I'm 24.

633
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:18,720
Emma's moving to England.
Yeah, right.

634
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:22,000
And so, and so you, when
you're on both sides and you're like,

635
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:26,440
ah, I get, I get how my
parents were feeling. I mean, you

636
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,160
have kids now and your kids
are doing everything you say, but

637
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:31,160
when your kid sits down with
you and says, I'm getting married,

638
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:34,980
and you go, wait a second,
what? Right? Because, you know, your,

639
00:36:35,060 --> 00:36:37,620
your mom was talking, your dad
was worried about whether you're

640
00:36:37,620 --> 00:36:39,740
gonna be a good husband, the
logistics. Your mom was worried about

641
00:36:39,740 --> 00:36:41,300
whether she's going to be a
good wife to you.

642
00:36:41,380 --> 00:36:41,940
Oh, wow.

643
00:36:41,940 --> 00:36:45,540
I didn't think about that.
Yeah. And so parents have concerns,

644
00:36:45,780 --> 00:36:49,580
and sometimes it's fears or,
you know, I don't want to see you

645
00:36:49,580 --> 00:36:52,380
suffer the way I suffer. I
don't want to see you, you know,

646
00:36:52,380 --> 00:36:56,740
face the same consequences.
You know, there is a wisdom in, in

647
00:36:56,740 --> 00:37:00,180
heeding advice. There is a
wisdom in, in listening. You know,

648
00:37:00,180 --> 00:37:03,550
I think that you can go to the
proverbs, and there's so many proverbs

649
00:37:03,550 --> 00:37:06,630
that's going to tell you the
foolish person does not heed advice,

650
00:37:06,630 --> 00:37:12,390
does not listen to the wise.
But it's hard. It's hard because

651
00:37:12,630 --> 00:37:16,909
once you feel like you got
this and you're grown up, it just

652
00:37:16,909 --> 00:37:20,670
doesn't feel great taking
somebody else telling you what they

653
00:37:20,670 --> 00:37:24,430
think you should do. But
that's not only true to parent, children,

654
00:37:24,430 --> 00:37:28,390
relationship, but that's true
to Your boss that's due to even friends

655
00:37:28,390 --> 00:37:31,480
or, you know, like, you made
an example earlier where it's just

656
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:34,400
hard sometimes to take it from
someone else to tell you you shouldn't

657
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:36,840
do it that way. Yeah, you
should do this. Or I think you should

658
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:37,440
think about it.

659
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:41,120
Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I kind
of want to ask you, too, something,

660
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:44,520
but, like, you know, whenever
you. Marty brought up a good point

661
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:48,080
about, like, whenever you
have, like, a child, like, Farah,

662
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:51,640
Marilyn was pregnant with a
baby, like, first baby, but little

663
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:56,060
Bethany, little Kai, you were
like, realizing, like, the Lord is

664
00:37:56,060 --> 00:37:59,380
bringing together life in. In
her womb. That's like, part me, part

665
00:37:59,380 --> 00:38:02,780
my wife, like, part me, part
Marilyn. Like, what was the kind

666
00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:05,140
of the thought process that
you had or were there any, like,

667
00:38:05,140 --> 00:38:08,820
epiphanies that you had of,
like, this life is coming into the

668
00:38:08,820 --> 00:38:10,860
world, and the Lord is
entrusting me with shepherding and

669
00:38:10,860 --> 00:38:13,540
discipling this child. Like,
what were kind of some of the thoughts

670
00:38:13,540 --> 00:38:15,300
that were going through your
head? I'd love. Because I feel like

671
00:38:15,300 --> 00:38:20,020
that would just help children
get perspective, too. Of, like, my

672
00:38:20,020 --> 00:38:22,940
mom, like, loved being a mom.
Like, that was like, her favorite

673
00:38:22,940 --> 00:38:26,120
thing in the whole world. And
so, like, I feel like that would

674
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:28,160
be a question that I probably
should ask her. Like, what were.

675
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:29,920
I don't know. What are your
thoughts about it?

676
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,360
Yeah, my initial thoughts when
we found out we were pregnant, obviously,

677
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:38,160
this is joy. You know, it's
like, man, it's exciting. It's man,

678
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:44,040
I want this child in my arms
and I want to love this baby. But

679
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:49,120
on the other side, as a
husband, and we were both, you know,

680
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:53,250
in the workforce, so full
time, full time, she's telling me,

681
00:38:53,250 --> 00:38:58,330
hey, I want to stay home and
take care of this baby. So there's

682
00:38:58,330 --> 00:39:02,730
this joy, but there's also
this, like, there is a fear. But

683
00:39:02,810 --> 00:39:06,850
it was the weight. I felt the
weight and the responsibility to

684
00:39:06,850 --> 00:39:11,850
say, hey, it's not just my
wife now there's a living, breathing

685
00:39:11,930 --> 00:39:16,610
baby who needs us to take care
of them. She's going to nurture him.

686
00:39:16,610 --> 00:39:21,040
But I also need to provide the
home, the money coming in, the clothing,

687
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:25,120
food. Like, there was such a
weight to it. But I think when you

688
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:29,320
pair the two together. For me,
when I look at my son, it's like

689
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:35,880
I really am giving so much of
myself to my kid to not only grow

690
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:39,240
up physically and mentally and
emotionally, but like Jen, like what

691
00:39:39,240 --> 00:39:43,040
you said earlier, my hope is
that my kid would know Jesus and

692
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:46,070
love Jesus just as much as I
love Jesus. And that is the kind

693
00:39:46,070 --> 00:39:50,670
of Love that we have, that
I've had towards my. All my sons.

694
00:39:51,790 --> 00:39:53,310
Yeah, that's good.

695
00:39:53,950 --> 00:39:57,910
Yeah. I would say specifically
with the first child, you. You just

696
00:39:57,910 --> 00:40:00,910
don't know what's coming. You.
You. What? I'm.

697
00:40:00,910 --> 00:40:02,510
I mean, a star is born.

698
00:40:03,150 --> 00:40:06,670
There's a train heading your
way, and it's gonna hit you, and

699
00:40:06,670 --> 00:40:11,460
you have no clue. You don't
know what it feels like. You're excited.

700
00:40:11,620 --> 00:40:14,980
You're happy. I'm gonna have a
baby. You're thinking about names

701
00:40:14,980 --> 00:40:19,100
and how do we pick this crib?
And we got this thing. And, I mean,

702
00:40:19,100 --> 00:40:23,300
this is just. It's just joy,
and. And then this child is in your

703
00:40:23,300 --> 00:40:26,659
hand, and your brain is going,
what in the world? And. And everything

704
00:40:26,659 --> 00:40:29,900
is changing because all of a
sudden, you don't even think the

705
00:40:29,900 --> 00:40:33,660
same. All of a sudden, your
mind goes to, how do I care for my

706
00:40:33,660 --> 00:40:36,060
baby? How do I provide for my
baby? You go to the store, you know,

707
00:40:36,060 --> 00:40:38,460
you no longer go to look at
the things you like. You know, you

708
00:40:38,460 --> 00:40:42,400
go to the baby section
because. Because your mind is now

709
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:48,960
on this creature. But I think
that, you know, I was 24, 25. I don't

710
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:52,960
know. And it was just. You're
still maturing. You're still learning

711
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:53,760
life yourself.

712
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:54,320
Yeah.

713
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:57,320
And so I don't think you
realize, depending on how old you

714
00:40:57,320 --> 00:41:01,280
are, when you have kids. I
don't think I realized at that moment

715
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:04,560
exactly. So many
responsibilities. Oh, so many things.

716
00:41:05,690 --> 00:41:10,650
You know, I've learned a lot
more about parenting as I go, and

717
00:41:10,650 --> 00:41:14,330
later on, reading books or
even as a pastor meeting with families

718
00:41:14,330 --> 00:41:18,570
that I go, man, I wish I knew
this when. When we were getting pregnant,

719
00:41:18,570 --> 00:41:21,570
when, you know, I think the
only thing we read was a book that

720
00:41:21,570 --> 00:41:23,930
Marilyn was reading, and I
would just kind of read with her

721
00:41:23,930 --> 00:41:27,050
and kind of hear from her,
which was about the pregnancy, you

722
00:41:27,050 --> 00:41:29,290
know, how your body's
changing, what to expect the next

723
00:41:29,290 --> 00:41:33,790
month, what to expect on the.
On the last few days, and. But when

724
00:41:33,790 --> 00:41:37,830
it comes to parenting, raising
your children, you know, in the gospel,

725
00:41:38,790 --> 00:41:42,790
I wish somebody would have sat
down with me and given me even more

726
00:41:42,790 --> 00:41:49,030
advice on that. On. On being a
role model or just, you know, just

727
00:41:49,350 --> 00:41:52,230
living out the gospel to your
children so that they cannot hear,

728
00:41:52,310 --> 00:41:54,230
just see it all the time.

729
00:41:54,390 --> 00:41:58,230
But even in that, like, just
hearing you say that, I feel like

730
00:41:58,460 --> 00:42:02,460
somebody could have sat me
down and gave me everything and just.

731
00:42:03,740 --> 00:42:07,540
You would have taken it. Like,
it's. Because it really is. Like,

732
00:42:07,540 --> 00:42:11,420
you're saying you're already
still growing up. You're probably

733
00:42:11,420 --> 00:42:17,500
sleep deprived You're. You're.
You know, and as much as you like,

734
00:42:17,500 --> 00:42:19,860
one thing that we've always
said, me and Farah to each other,

735
00:42:19,860 --> 00:42:22,620
is like, when are you ever
going to be ready? I mean, that's.

736
00:42:22,620 --> 00:42:25,820
Honestly, that's kind of like
how we got married so fast is why

737
00:42:25,820 --> 00:42:26,660
we. How we had kids.

738
00:42:26,660 --> 00:42:28,700
All you can pray for is for an
obedient child. Brother.

739
00:42:28,700 --> 00:42:33,080
Amen. And pray and be present
and. Amen. Yeah.

740
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:38,280
No, And I say how blessed I am
because she's an obedient child,

741
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:41,200
or she has been, or she's just
wonderful. Yeah.

742
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:44,400
I have so much I could say
about sweet Bethany, but I'm not

743
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:48,600
gonna cry on this podcast
because that would be too much. Anyways.

744
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:53,520
Okay. I. I think another. I
have a couple. Like, I have, like,

745
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,810
two questions that I really
want to ask, and I think one of them

746
00:42:56,810 --> 00:43:00,530
is, like, how does your
position in this relationship, like,

747
00:43:00,530 --> 00:43:03,330
being a child, slash, like.
And a parent, like, being a child.

748
00:43:03,330 --> 00:43:08,210
Being a child and parent,
like, how does that inform or, you

749
00:43:08,210 --> 00:43:11,890
know, wrestle with your
relationship with God? Is there any

750
00:43:11,890 --> 00:43:15,130
correlation to that? Like, I
think speaking from experience, like,

751
00:43:15,130 --> 00:43:20,370
I didn't grow up with my dad
involved in our life, and it really

752
00:43:20,370 --> 00:43:23,250
affected my relationship with
God because God is like, the metaphor

753
00:43:23,250 --> 00:43:25,690
for God, or not the metaphor,
but, like, one of the names he gives

754
00:43:25,690 --> 00:43:29,110
himself is Father. And so,
like, how do you have a relationship

755
00:43:29,110 --> 00:43:32,230
with, like, your heavenly
Father if you have such a broken

756
00:43:32,230 --> 00:43:35,070
or, like, absent relationship
with your physical Father? And so,

757
00:43:35,070 --> 00:43:39,390
like, that was something that
I really had to overcome. And, like,

758
00:43:39,390 --> 00:43:42,390
I've seen a lot of that even
in my marriage. Like, how. How, like,

759
00:43:42,390 --> 00:43:46,470
it's hard for me to receive
love from people that I do love,

760
00:43:46,790 --> 00:43:49,350
even though I love it. Like,
even though I enjoy it, like, it's

761
00:43:49,350 --> 00:43:51,750
hard for me to receive it
because, like, that foundational

762
00:43:51,750 --> 00:43:55,610
relationship wasn't there in
my formative years. And so, like,

763
00:43:55,610 --> 00:43:57,770
my mom tried to overcompensate
as much as she could, but, like,

764
00:43:57,770 --> 00:44:00,650
the reality is, like, you
know, you look at. I could. I. We

765
00:44:00,650 --> 00:44:03,210
could make a whole podcast on,
like, the fatherlessness of the United

766
00:44:03,210 --> 00:44:06,490
States and, like, how it's
affected culture and crime and economics.

767
00:44:06,490 --> 00:44:08,810
Like, we could do a whole
episode on that. I feel. I've done

768
00:44:08,810 --> 00:44:10,769
a lot of research on it. I
feel very strongly about it. But

769
00:44:10,769 --> 00:44:14,570
all I had to say is, like, I
think it was a real big hurdle, and

770
00:44:14,570 --> 00:44:17,250
I think the Lord, you know,
did break that down. And I have.

771
00:44:17,250 --> 00:44:20,250
And I think the word that the
Lord gave to me to help me overcome

772
00:44:20,250 --> 00:44:24,330
a lot all of that was like,
your first relationship with a dad

773
00:44:24,330 --> 00:44:28,530
is me, and I'm the perfect
father. And that was just like, where,

774
00:44:28,530 --> 00:44:31,770
where I used to feel like I
was missing a piece or, like, broken.

775
00:44:32,090 --> 00:44:35,250
I have a very sweet
relationship with God because he

776
00:44:35,250 --> 00:44:39,130
is my first father. And then
he gave me, like, bonus dads, like

777
00:44:39,210 --> 00:44:43,730
Luis Rivera, who's like my
adopted dad. And like, even my, my

778
00:44:43,730 --> 00:44:47,810
father in law, Carlos, like,
Carlos's dad, like, I have such a

779
00:44:47,810 --> 00:44:50,410
sweet relationship with him
too now. And so, like, the Lord,

780
00:44:50,410 --> 00:44:53,930
that was the Lord in his
kindness, like. And so all that to

781
00:44:53,930 --> 00:44:56,690
say is, like, I feel like it
did affect me. But are there any

782
00:44:56,690 --> 00:44:58,850
specific ways that you feel
like your relationship with your

783
00:44:58,850 --> 00:45:01,570
children or your parents,
like, have affected your relationship

784
00:45:01,570 --> 00:45:02,090
with God?

785
00:45:03,530 --> 00:45:08,090
Wow. I mean, there was a very
popular song in the 90s, a Christian

786
00:45:08,090 --> 00:45:12,330
song, that the singer said,
lord, I want to be. I want to be

787
00:45:12,330 --> 00:45:15,250
more like you, because he
wants to be like me. And it was a

788
00:45:15,250 --> 00:45:18,850
dad singing, saying, you know,
I want to be more like the Lord because

789
00:45:18,850 --> 00:45:22,120
this little boy is watching
me. He wants to be like me. He wants

790
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:26,480
to. He wants to grow up to be
like me. And so it's a big responsibility

791
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:34,520
that I'm to model. And I think
that those are things you start realizing,

792
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:37,040
right? Like, you know, the way
you talk, your kids are going to,

793
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:39,280
you know, your kids are going
to do what you do, not what you say.

794
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:43,840
And parents, we don't have it
all together. We're still growing,

795
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:47,880
we're still maturing. You
know, some people at 18, 19, they're

796
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:50,940
super mature in their faith
and their, you know, they have a,

797
00:45:52,140 --> 00:45:56,980
a healthy habit of spending
time with the Lord. And some people

798
00:45:56,980 --> 00:46:01,660
are 27 and still don't have
that. And so I think that, you know,

799
00:46:01,660 --> 00:46:04,180
there's a wisdom that comes
from walking with the Lord daily

800
00:46:04,180 --> 00:46:07,700
and the Holy Spirit leading
your life that would make parenting

801
00:46:07,700 --> 00:46:11,860
so much easier. But sometimes
you don't have that wisdom.

802
00:46:11,860 --> 00:46:12,620
Yeah, yeah.

803
00:46:12,780 --> 00:46:16,260
You know, Bethany was
incredibly obedient. And then, and

804
00:46:16,260 --> 00:46:21,000
then my son was born, and he's
the complete opposite from her. You

805
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:25,680
have this girl who's, you
know, very smart, very witty, obedience,

806
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:31,120
submissive. But then you have
this kid who's just wild. And, man,

807
00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:35,600
he can climb too. Like, he can
hang on, hang off from ceiling, wall

808
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:42,480
as fans. I mean, and. And he,
he was maybe three, four years old.

809
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:45,160
We went, we went down on this
mission trip to Mexico. We took our

810
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:48,970
whole family and we stayed
with missionaries who were, who lived

811
00:46:48,970 --> 00:46:53,450
there. And this missionary had
like three or four Kids. And these

812
00:46:53,450 --> 00:46:59,330
kids were like, so well
behaved. And so, and I was like,

813
00:46:59,330 --> 00:47:02,530
how does he do? I mean, how
did they do that? I couldn't believe

814
00:47:02,530 --> 00:47:08,010
it because here we were
hanging out after the day of work

815
00:47:08,010 --> 00:47:13,160
and we're just kind of, you
know, trying to relax a little bit,

816
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:17,120
and we're playing Uno cards or
we're doing something, and this man

817
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,800
would look at his clock and it
was like, I don't know, 8:30. And

818
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:23,080
he would look at his teenage
kids and go, guys, it's time to go

819
00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:27,200
to bed. And they would
immediately stand up. Okay, bye.

820
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:30,760
We'll see you later. The
immediately that was not me. I would

821
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:35,160
have been like, but dad, it's
only 8:30. You know, these kids did

822
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:40,730
not even utter a disagreement.
They were immediately submissive

823
00:47:40,730 --> 00:47:45,610
and, and obedient. And yet my,
my son was in that same room and

824
00:47:45,610 --> 00:47:51,650
I couldn't get him to sit down
in a chair. And I remember one time,

825
00:47:51,650 --> 00:47:54,930
you know, he, he's, he's, he's
just running towards the street and,

826
00:47:55,410 --> 00:47:58,170
and I'm like, you know, trying
to run out there to stop him. And,

827
00:47:58,170 --> 00:48:02,650
and we, we used to count,
okay, Juan, come over here. 2. And

828
00:48:02,650 --> 00:48:06,620
then he would come and one
lady came, said, brother, if there

829
00:48:06,620 --> 00:48:10,460
was a car coming, you're not
going to get to three. You know,

830
00:48:11,020 --> 00:48:15,020
you need to teach him to obey
you right away. And I remember that

831
00:48:15,100 --> 00:48:19,060
one of those days we were
there, this pastor, missionary, he

832
00:48:19,060 --> 00:48:24,900
was trying to correct Jerry
and Jerry just kicked him. And I

833
00:48:24,900 --> 00:48:28,300
went over, I apologized, and
then I said, how do you do this right?

834
00:48:29,020 --> 00:48:32,240
And he says, you have to
correct him. Them. You don't correct

835
00:48:32,240 --> 00:48:36,480
them. You know, you have to,
you have to correct them even though

836
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:41,080
it hurts you. And then, and
then he says something to me that

837
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:45,120
changed my life. Like he said
to me, the first example of obedience

838
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:49,800
that your son has is you. If
your son doesn't know how to obey

839
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:53,400
you, he's never going to learn
how to obey God because God's going

840
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:56,960
to call you to hard things.
But if you're used to saying no to

841
00:48:56,960 --> 00:49:00,690
authority, then it's going to
be really easy to say no to God.

842
00:49:03,170 --> 00:49:07,530
I think that was the beginning
of probably the hardest year, year

843
00:49:07,530 --> 00:49:11,690
and a half of my life.
Parenting a child that had to be

844
00:49:11,690 --> 00:49:15,010
disciplined every day,
multiple times a day, and it would

845
00:49:15,010 --> 00:49:21,730
just break my heart. But I
don't regret it. I am so proud of

846
00:49:21,730 --> 00:49:25,290
my son, where he's at now, and
the young man that he is, the leader

847
00:49:25,290 --> 00:49:30,360
that he is, how the Lord is
using him. The calling in his life.

848
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:34,720
And I think the Lord used that
testimony of that other family to

849
00:49:34,720 --> 00:49:39,320
teach me. The first example of
obedience that your children have

850
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:42,400
is learning to obey you. And
if you can't teach them that, if

851
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:45,240
you can't discipline them,
then they're not going to learn to

852
00:49:45,240 --> 00:49:47,640
be obedient. Because one day
I'm going to call him, or one day

853
00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:51,360
I'm going to have purposes for
him. And if he's used to saying no

854
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:53,560
or just doing whatever he
wants, he'll do the same.

855
00:49:54,940 --> 00:49:55,820
Yeah, that's good.

856
00:49:56,060 --> 00:49:59,460
And just to give testimony
that, like, my little brother, he

857
00:49:59,460 --> 00:50:01,940
just finished his freshman
year of college, and he has been

858
00:50:01,940 --> 00:50:04,540
dreaming about being an
engineer since he could build Legos.

859
00:50:05,100 --> 00:50:09,260
And in the middle of his first
semester, like, the Lord has changed

860
00:50:09,260 --> 00:50:11,660
his heart and he changed his
majors to ministry, you know, like.

861
00:50:12,140 --> 00:50:15,860
And that wasn't easy for him.
But even just that testimony of,

862
00:50:15,860 --> 00:50:19,380
like, how, like, my brother is
listening to the Holy Spirit and

863
00:50:19,380 --> 00:50:21,660
listening to what the Lord and
obeying, even though that's hard.

864
00:50:23,230 --> 00:50:24,990
But, yeah, that's just really
cool to.

865
00:50:24,990 --> 00:50:29,510
See because, you know, I think
that ultimately, all of us, when

866
00:50:29,510 --> 00:50:33,390
the Lord calls, when the Lord
says, this is what I want, we should

867
00:50:33,390 --> 00:50:38,590
say, yes. We shouldn't say,
but God, I think we all should obey

868
00:50:38,830 --> 00:50:46,430
immediate obedience. Right. My
wife loved using the phrase delayed

869
00:50:46,430 --> 00:50:50,070
obedience is disobedience.
Right. Because you're. If you're

870
00:50:50,070 --> 00:50:55,750
not obeying immediately, you
are disobeying. And so, praise God.

871
00:50:56,070 --> 00:50:59,350
That's a good word. That's a
good word. What about y' all?

872
00:50:59,350 --> 00:51:03,910
I'm just receiving it. I'm
like, as a. Honestly, write it down.

873
00:51:03,990 --> 00:51:05,430
Said, I'm gonna talk to Finn
when we go.

874
00:51:08,870 --> 00:51:12,910
You know me too well, because
I ain't gonna lie, man. As soon as

875
00:51:12,910 --> 00:51:15,990
you said that, I was like, oh,
man, my second born, he's crazy.

876
00:51:16,070 --> 00:51:22,180
He's a little wild. And. But
hearing you, like, the moment that

877
00:51:22,180 --> 00:51:25,820
you had with that missionary
family is the moment that I'm having

878
00:51:25,820 --> 00:51:28,460
right now. And these are
things that I've heard, you know,

879
00:51:28,460 --> 00:51:31,780
I've heard. Yeah, but like, to
sit in a room with you, Rafi, to

880
00:51:31,780 --> 00:51:38,300
hear how you did that, like,
how you applied it. Like, I already

881
00:51:38,300 --> 00:51:40,700
feel. I haven't even done it
yet, but I feel the weight of, like,

882
00:51:40,780 --> 00:51:45,370
oh, man, it's going to be hard
to go home to Phineas. Yeah.

883
00:51:45,370 --> 00:51:50,170
Say no, your kids to. Or. Or
to discipline them constantly four,

884
00:51:50,170 --> 00:51:53,810
five, six times a day. And.
And. And they. They're not happy

885
00:51:53,810 --> 00:51:57,290
about it. But I tell you, we.
We got to the point later on where

886
00:51:57,290 --> 00:52:00,490
I could be anywhere, I could
say, hey, come over here and sit

887
00:52:00,490 --> 00:52:04,650
over here for a minute. And
there was no question, there was

888
00:52:04,650 --> 00:52:07,850
immediate obedience. And I, I
don't, I don't say this to proud

889
00:52:07,850 --> 00:52:12,820
to be prouder to say, hey, you
know. No, it was just hard work.

890
00:52:12,820 --> 00:52:16,780
It was really hard work.
Consistency. You know, when a parent

891
00:52:16,780 --> 00:52:19,980
says to a child, come over
here and the child doesn't come over

892
00:52:19,980 --> 00:52:22,900
here, you can't say it again.
You have to get up and go get him

893
00:52:22,900 --> 00:52:28,860
and bring him until his brain
realizes I don't have a choice when

894
00:52:28,860 --> 00:52:33,420
my dad gives an order. Right?
Because right now in their brain

895
00:52:33,420 --> 00:52:38,460
they have multiple choices.
And so that's just. It sounds good.

896
00:52:38,540 --> 00:52:40,060
That's good. What about you?

897
00:52:42,300 --> 00:52:48,860
I don't have kids, but I have
been just want to tell you guys.

898
00:52:49,180 --> 00:52:52,020
No, I was just, I've been
thinking about it and I like have

899
00:52:52,020 --> 00:52:54,300
been just walking through. I
don't know what this next season

900
00:52:54,300 --> 00:52:56,820
of my life is holding. I don't
know what God is calling me to, but

901
00:52:56,820 --> 00:53:00,980
just feeling very confused
about like what it is and just try

902
00:53:00,980 --> 00:53:03,060
to be open. But at the same
time when I feel like God is saying

903
00:53:03,060 --> 00:53:05,780
things, I'm like, no, I don't
want that. I but been thinking about

904
00:53:05,780 --> 00:53:11,620
this podcast and preparing. I
don't know, my perspective is I don't

905
00:53:11,620 --> 00:53:15,500
have kids. But I was going to
say I have lots of adopted nieces

906
00:53:15,500 --> 00:53:18,980
and nephews. Shout out to the
McKay's to the hatchers, all my little

907
00:53:18,980 --> 00:53:22,540
babies to the surrogals. I
have all these like kids that I am

908
00:53:22,540 --> 00:53:25,820
invested in their life and
most, for some reason people trust

909
00:53:25,820 --> 00:53:28,500
me with their kids all the
time. And I'm basically a single

910
00:53:28,500 --> 00:53:32,750
mother and I have learned like
parenting is really hard and like

911
00:53:32,750 --> 00:53:35,710
they don't ever want to listen
to you and they don't ever. And I'm

912
00:53:35,710 --> 00:53:38,230
like, don't go in the street.
Hey, don't grab the emergency brake

913
00:53:38,230 --> 00:53:45,350
while I'm driving, you know.
But I just, that has really like

914
00:53:45,350 --> 00:53:48,190
helped me like all these
stories my dad has been telling,

915
00:53:48,190 --> 00:53:53,630
like I have heard before but
like trying to see the Lord's either

916
00:53:53,630 --> 00:53:58,100
correction or like guidance as
like, hey, he's not just trying to

917
00:53:58,100 --> 00:54:03,020
like reprimand me or restrain
me or like hold me back, but like

918
00:54:03,020 --> 00:54:06,900
the Lord really sees like all
the, all these different things that

919
00:54:06,900 --> 00:54:10,140
I don't understand. Like that
I think I know because I'm grown.

920
00:54:10,300 --> 00:54:13,220
But it's like an America
doesn't know why I'm telling her,

921
00:54:13,220 --> 00:54:17,180
hey, don't run into the street
when, you know, like, or like, look

922
00:54:17,180 --> 00:54:20,980
both ways. Because she does.
She's three years old. You know,

923
00:54:20,980 --> 00:54:24,740
she doesn't know these things.
But, you know, like, I don't know,

924
00:54:24,740 --> 00:54:30,780
I just, it has really like
helped me to feel like, okay, God,

925
00:54:30,780 --> 00:54:34,620
like, I don't understand, I
might not even like it, but I'm gonna

926
00:54:34,620 --> 00:54:38,820
trust you. Like, even if it's
like a small step of just going on

927
00:54:38,820 --> 00:54:43,060
a trip or if it's just saying
yes or being open to being like talking

928
00:54:43,060 --> 00:54:47,100
about my, my story of like
being in England to people, you know,

929
00:54:48,840 --> 00:54:52,280
but it is hard. It is hard
because I am so sinful and strong

930
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:54,600
willed and all of the things.

931
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:57,600
But I think that's what makes
it the hardest is that we are all

932
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:01,400
sinful. We don't like to be
told, we don't. There's some pride

933
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:05,120
that we have to deal with all
the time. Again, whether it's obeying

934
00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:09,840
parents or somebody else, it's
just hard. And she was giving the

935
00:55:09,840 --> 00:55:12,640
example. Sometimes a parent
can see the danger in something and

936
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:16,390
a child doesn't. And you're
trying to. And in the same way a

937
00:55:16,390 --> 00:55:20,310
parent can see the danger into
an adult decision. Even though when

938
00:55:20,310 --> 00:55:24,270
you're 25, but because I'm 50
something, I can see a danger that

939
00:55:24,270 --> 00:55:30,990
you don't see yet, it's hard
to get you to understand that I can

940
00:55:30,990 --> 00:55:35,310
foresee something that you
don't. And how do I do that without

941
00:55:35,310 --> 00:55:37,790
making you feel like I'm
telling you what to do or I'm just

942
00:55:39,470 --> 00:55:43,460
sticking my nose in your
business. So it's a hard balance.

943
00:55:43,460 --> 00:55:48,740
Yeah, no, that's good. And I
think, I guess, like, if we could

944
00:55:48,740 --> 00:55:52,740
close on anything, I, I, I was
gonna say it one way, but I guess

945
00:55:52,740 --> 00:55:56,940
I'll say it this way. If you
could say anything to like Bethany

946
00:55:56,940 --> 00:56:01,300
as a child, like, imagine
she's like, she's like a little baby,

947
00:56:01,620 --> 00:56:04,620
like, or like a toddler. Let's
imagine baby, toddler Bethany. She

948
00:56:04,620 --> 00:56:10,100
was blonde by the way. It was
crazy. But like, she was, what would

949
00:56:10,100 --> 00:56:12,580
you say to her? And then I'm
gonna ask you the same thing about

950
00:56:12,580 --> 00:56:15,060
like your kids. Like what?
Like, if you could say one thing.

951
00:56:16,660 --> 00:56:20,340
Well, and like, I want you to,
like, I don't know, like, maybe even,

952
00:56:24,660 --> 00:56:27,900
but like, what would in even
you, like, what would you say to

953
00:56:27,900 --> 00:56:31,420
your dad or your mom? Like,
and I'll try and say, like, what

954
00:56:31,420 --> 00:56:34,420
would I say? Well, like, yeah,
just I don't know. If you could leave

955
00:56:34,420 --> 00:56:37,430
them with one thing, what
would that Be.

956
00:56:41,750 --> 00:56:44,590
Well, that's hard to think. I
mean, all of a sudden you got to

957
00:56:44,590 --> 00:56:49,070
think about that. But now say
I'm proud of you. I just, you know,

958
00:56:49,070 --> 00:56:56,470
it'll. Everything's going to
be great. Keep going. I think that,

959
00:57:00,150 --> 00:57:09,620
you know, looking back, I. I
don't have many regrets or things

960
00:57:09,620 --> 00:57:16,260
that I can think of not doing
with my kids. I mean, we. I feel

961
00:57:16,260 --> 00:57:21,420
like I've tried everything I
could and I'm really proud of them.

962
00:57:21,420 --> 00:57:25,660
And so, yeah, I. I would say,
Bethany, you're gonna turn out okay.

963
00:57:25,980 --> 00:57:28,980
You know, we are great. You're
gonna be great. Great woman.

964
00:57:29,940 --> 00:57:32,180
That's so sweet. Okay. What
about you?

965
00:57:32,420 --> 00:57:37,140
Yeah, I would just talking to
my boys if I were to say something.

966
00:57:37,620 --> 00:57:42,420
I mean, they haven't lived
much life, you know, but I think,

967
00:57:42,900 --> 00:57:49,460
oh, they are. Yeah. I would
tell them one, that I love them and

968
00:57:50,100 --> 00:57:55,910
that they don't have to earn
my affection for them. That it doesn't

969
00:57:55,910 --> 00:58:00,310
matter what they do, right or
wrong. Like I'm always going to be

970
00:58:00,310 --> 00:58:03,430
there, I'm always going to
love them. And obviously, you know,

971
00:58:03,430 --> 00:58:08,630
there's. There's consequences
for things you do, but that doesn't

972
00:58:08,630 --> 00:58:11,590
change your identity. And the
reason I would say that is because

973
00:58:11,590 --> 00:58:14,510
this is something I'm learning
right now in my relationship with

974
00:58:15,070 --> 00:58:16,150
my heavenly father.

975
00:58:16,150 --> 00:58:22,110
Is that, yeah, brother down
rather than change mine, Ditto.

976
00:58:22,110 --> 00:58:27,510
But it is, right? Like, yeah,
I need to know. Cuz that is how the

977
00:58:27,510 --> 00:58:33,070
father looks at me. He. He
calls me his son and I. That is my

978
00:58:33,070 --> 00:58:36,990
identity. And I don't have to
earn his love or affection, but I

979
00:58:36,990 --> 00:58:41,310
still do that. I still live
that way. And if I live that way,

980
00:58:41,310 --> 00:58:44,110
if I don't tell my sons this,
they're going to live this way. So

981
00:58:44,190 --> 00:58:46,270
that's what I want to instill
in them.

982
00:58:46,430 --> 00:58:46,950
That's great.

983
00:58:46,950 --> 00:58:49,470
That's deep, brother. I'm
having that moment now that you had

984
00:58:49,470 --> 00:58:53,150
a minute ago. Seriously.
Praise God. What a good word.

985
00:58:54,590 --> 00:58:55,850
You deserv them.

986
00:58:57,610 --> 00:58:58,530
We got to get together.

987
00:58:58,530 --> 00:59:00,330
Yeah. What about you?

988
00:59:00,650 --> 00:59:02,930
What little me is saying?
Well, like what.

989
00:59:02,930 --> 00:59:04,970
What would you say to Rafi and Marilyn?

990
00:59:04,970 --> 00:59:17,090
Rafi and Marilyn? Yeah, I'm
getting that tattoo. I'm sorry. Oh

991
00:59:17,090 --> 00:59:19,970
my goodness. That's so funny.
I'm trying to hold back my wheeze

992
00:59:19,970 --> 00:59:29,720
laugh. Oh my God. I don't
know. I feel like I would want to.

993
00:59:29,720 --> 00:59:30,040
Say.

994
00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:37,400
Listen to me like I am. I feel
like I. Because of how I grew up,

995
00:59:38,040 --> 00:59:40,880
I was just very like very.
I've always been very self aware

996
00:59:40,880 --> 00:59:43,840
and very like. I don't want to
say, like, wise beyond my years,

997
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:47,280
but I feel like I've always
just understood life and was like,

998
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:51,440
hey, this is happening. And
they were, like, not dismissive,

999
00:59:51,440 --> 00:59:54,920
but I've just always just.
Just, like, know things. And so I

1000
00:59:54,920 --> 00:59:59,280
feel like if they, like, why
would they listen to me? 1, because

1001
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:01,640
I was a little kid, because I
didn't know anything, but I feel

1002
01:00:01,640 --> 01:00:06,320
like I understood more than
they thought I did. And I feel like,

1003
01:00:06,560 --> 01:00:09,080
not that things would be
better or different, but I think

1004
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:13,680
that our relationship could be
just a little bit different if, like,

1005
01:00:14,570 --> 01:00:16,930
we actually, like,
communicated better and listened

1006
01:00:16,930 --> 01:00:21,410
to each other. Not in, like, a
bad way, but I don't know. I just

1007
01:00:21,410 --> 01:00:25,970
feel like that's what I would
say. But he did. They did a good

1008
01:00:25,970 --> 01:00:27,130
job. They did a good job.

1009
01:00:29,130 --> 01:00:33,770
I, I think what I would say if
I was like, I'm imagining baby Becky

1010
01:00:34,010 --> 01:00:37,130
and imagining, like, what I
would say to my mom. And I think,

1011
01:00:37,130 --> 01:00:40,990
like, because of, like, the
atmosphere and the circumstances

1012
01:00:40,990 --> 01:00:47,430
that we were in, she just kind
of raised us to be very aware of,

1013
01:00:47,430 --> 01:00:51,230
like, the threats that were in
the world because of things that

1014
01:00:51,230 --> 01:00:53,270
she walked through, because of
things that we had already walked

1015
01:00:53,270 --> 01:00:56,910
through as a family. Just,
like, kind of like, be careful, be

1016
01:00:56,910 --> 01:01:00,550
cautious. Like, be aware.
Like, be, you know, make, make yourself

1017
01:01:00,550 --> 01:01:05,190
small so you don't get, you
know, hurt or whatever. And I think,

1018
01:01:05,510 --> 01:01:08,920
like, I don't know. Not that I
would want to challenge that, because

1019
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:13,280
that's, again, like, the Lord
has used it, but maybe just, like,

1020
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:20,400
it's okay to feel safe. Like,
I, I, I don't need to look over my

1021
01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:24,360
shoulder every now and then,
like, or every second. Like, I think

1022
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:27,880
that that would be what I
would love to do. And then, like,

1023
01:01:27,880 --> 01:01:32,040
I guess I last thing is just,
like, if you, you know, I think we

1024
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:35,440
all have, like, sweet
relationships with, you know, our

1025
01:01:35,440 --> 01:01:37,600
parents. Like, I have a really
great relationship with my mom. My,

1026
01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:41,040
my, the one with my dad is
like, all right. But, you know, there

1027
01:01:41,040 --> 01:01:43,960
are some people that don't
have that, like, have a healthy or

1028
01:01:43,960 --> 01:01:48,560
a good relationship with
either parent. And I guess, like,

1029
01:01:48,800 --> 01:01:52,440
something that, like, as, as
me and Carlos have, like, you know,

1030
01:01:52,440 --> 01:01:55,120
been vision casting for, like,
what our future could look like with

1031
01:01:55,120 --> 01:01:59,360
children. Like, I think one,
one piece of hope that I have is,

1032
01:01:59,360 --> 01:02:02,640
like, my children don't have
to. To have the relationship with

1033
01:02:02,640 --> 01:02:05,440
their dad. Like, the one that
I have with my dad. You know, like,

1034
01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:08,640
Carlos is going to be a great
dad. Like, he's going to be a great

1035
01:02:09,200 --> 01:02:13,320
father. And, like, I have hope
in that. And so, like, That I don't

1036
01:02:13,320 --> 01:02:17,200
have to repeat the cycle. And
so, like, if you're, you know, if

1037
01:02:17,360 --> 01:02:21,640
I don't. I don't have to work
seven jobs to provide for our family

1038
01:02:21,640 --> 01:02:25,840
the way my mom did. Like, I
can be emotionally, like, present

1039
01:02:25,840 --> 01:02:29,480
with my children. Like, and
so, I don't know. Like, I think I.

1040
01:02:29,480 --> 01:02:33,560
I just want to give people
hope. Like, not that you have to

1041
01:02:33,560 --> 01:02:37,080
have children to have hope,
but, like, that you. You don't have

1042
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:40,560
to repeat the same story.
Like, you can be present with your

1043
01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:42,960
community, you can be present
with your friends, with your family.

1044
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:46,800
Like, you can restore a
relationship that was once broken.

1045
01:02:46,800 --> 01:02:50,040
Like, there is. There's hope
you don't have. Like, what you were

1046
01:02:50,040 --> 01:02:55,780
given doesn't have to be what
you end with. And so, yeah, I. I

1047
01:02:55,780 --> 01:02:58,780
think that that's. And I. I
think, like, what I would say to

1048
01:02:58,780 --> 01:03:02,100
my children, like, whenever
they do come to this earth, like,

1049
01:03:02,420 --> 01:03:07,580
it's just like, I. Like,
you're. I don't know. Like, there's.

1050
01:03:07,580 --> 01:03:11,460
There's hope beyond what you
can understand because of Jesus.

1051
01:03:11,460 --> 01:03:15,380
Like, and I feel like I
didn't. I don't feel like I had that

1052
01:03:15,540 --> 01:03:19,460
as a child, not because my mom
didn't try, but just because, like,

1053
01:03:19,460 --> 01:03:23,140
our circumstances were just
really hard. And so I think I just

1054
01:03:23,140 --> 01:03:28,060
became very detached in a lot
of ways. And so, yeah, just, like,

1055
01:03:28,140 --> 01:03:32,820
I don't know, instilling hope
in your everyday life. Like, can

1056
01:03:32,820 --> 01:03:38,100
I honestly say that I believe
that God has my, like, his best for

1057
01:03:38,100 --> 01:03:41,260
me. Like, even if I don't
understand, even if it sucks, like,

1058
01:03:41,260 --> 01:03:44,820
do I believe that? Yes. And
even when my flesh doesn't believe

1059
01:03:44,820 --> 01:03:48,380
that, like, I can ask the Lord
to give me grace to believe that.

1060
01:03:48,770 --> 01:03:52,610
And so, yeah, like, the. The
relationship you have with your parents,

1061
01:03:52,610 --> 01:03:56,410
like, if it's great or if it's
not, like, your relationship with

1062
01:03:56,410 --> 01:03:59,810
God still needs to be better,
you know? Like, I don't know. Like,

1063
01:03:59,810 --> 01:04:04,769
I think, like, the Lord is
worthy of all trust and all. Yeah.

1064
01:04:05,010 --> 01:04:05,410
So.

1065
01:04:05,490 --> 01:04:06,010
Yeah.

1066
01:04:06,010 --> 01:04:07,090
Any final thoughts?

1067
01:04:07,730 --> 01:04:10,490
Well, you know, I think, you
know, the Lord is the answer.

1068
01:04:10,490 --> 01:04:11,010
Yeah.

1069
01:04:11,490 --> 01:04:16,080
I want to. Paraphrasing a
Bible verse where it says, you know,

1070
01:04:16,400 --> 01:04:18,960
even when you're. When your
parents are not there anymore, when

1071
01:04:19,280 --> 01:04:22,960
your mom and your dad can't be
there anymore, the Lord will be there.

1072
01:04:22,960 --> 01:04:28,760
Right. I think that, you know,
because of sin and brokenness in

1073
01:04:28,760 --> 01:04:33,760
this world, families are not
perfect. They're broken. There's

1074
01:04:33,760 --> 01:04:38,400
brokenness in families. And
even though, you know, God intended

1075
01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:42,370
family to be this unit where,
where he's glorified where a married

1076
01:04:42,370 --> 01:04:46,690
couple model the gospel to the
children. A lot of times that doesn't

1077
01:04:46,690 --> 01:04:51,050
happen. And so there's
brokenness. But the Lord restores.

1078
01:04:51,050 --> 01:04:55,170
Right. I think the Lord
restored me when the day I was able

1079
01:04:55,170 --> 01:04:58,850
to forgive my dad because he
was not what I wanted him to be or

1080
01:04:58,850 --> 01:05:02,130
what I expected him to be. But
the Lord showed me he didn't have

1081
01:05:02,130 --> 01:05:04,810
it. He couldn't give me what
he didn't have. He wasn't a believer.

1082
01:05:04,890 --> 01:05:10,140
He didn't have a dad himself.
But, but look at, look at what's

1083
01:05:10,140 --> 01:05:13,420
happening now. How, you know,
I'm the first in that generation

1084
01:05:13,580 --> 01:05:17,260
of the different generations,
I'm the first one who is not an alcoholic,

1085
01:05:17,580 --> 01:05:24,580
who, who is married and didn't
get a divorce, who is following the

1086
01:05:24,580 --> 01:05:28,580
Lord and serving the Lord. And
so there's, there's chains that were

1087
01:05:28,580 --> 01:05:36,300
broken that don't. That my, my
kids did not see what my dad saw

1088
01:05:36,540 --> 01:05:40,500
and his dad saw. And so
because of the Lord, because of what

1089
01:05:40,500 --> 01:05:41,140
God can do.

1090
01:05:41,140 --> 01:05:41,660
That's right.

1091
01:05:41,660 --> 01:05:46,460
There is hope in any family.
You know, you may come from a broken

1092
01:05:46,460 --> 01:05:49,620
family, but your family
doesn't have. Your next family doesn't

1093
01:05:49,620 --> 01:05:50,620
have to be a broken one.

1094
01:05:50,620 --> 01:05:51,020
Yeah.

1095
01:05:51,020 --> 01:05:52,740
Because the Lord and heal.

1096
01:05:52,740 --> 01:05:54,100
Yeah, yeah.

1097
01:05:54,100 --> 01:05:56,300
And I was going to say
something very similar to that. I'm

1098
01:05:56,300 --> 01:06:00,190
glad that you said that. Just
like even in my mom's family too,

1099
01:06:00,190 --> 01:06:05,510
like my mom has broken so many
generational like sin and all these

1100
01:06:05,510 --> 01:06:10,830
chains. Like both my parents,
like through my dad's dad and then

1101
01:06:10,830 --> 01:06:13,870
my mom's just parent. Both of
our parents, like, should not be

1102
01:06:13,870 --> 01:06:17,310
the amazing parents and like
how loving and like supportive and

1103
01:06:17,310 --> 01:06:20,350
I mean every parent, I mean,
you're always going to have situations

1104
01:06:20,350 --> 01:06:23,270
and families like, yeah, like
just because you're, it's. You put

1105
01:06:23,270 --> 01:06:27,220
a bunch of broken sinners in a
family. But like the beautiful childhood

1106
01:06:27,220 --> 01:06:30,900
that me and my sibling had,
like siblings had shouldn't. Like

1107
01:06:30,900 --> 01:06:34,380
if you looked at all the, you
know, behind the scenes footage of,

1108
01:06:34,700 --> 01:06:38,060
you know, like, yeah, it's
only the Lord. And I mean, Becky

1109
01:06:38,060 --> 01:06:40,940
and I talk about this all the
times, like when we have kids, we're

1110
01:06:40,940 --> 01:06:43,180
not going to traumatize them
the same way our parents did. We're

1111
01:06:43,180 --> 01:06:46,620
gonna find new ways to
traumatize them. But parent man,

1112
01:06:46,620 --> 01:06:51,140
like, and I think, like, we're
just gonna do something else to them.

1113
01:06:51,140 --> 01:06:55,810
But it's like slightly less
every generation because the Lord

1114
01:06:55,810 --> 01:06:59,770
is continuing to change. You
know, me and Becky and you know my

1115
01:06:59,770 --> 01:07:04,170
dad and, and so, yeah, just
getting to see first fruits of like

1116
01:07:04,170 --> 01:07:07,010
through my life of how much
the Lord has already broken change

1117
01:07:07,010 --> 01:07:08,050
is just encouraging.

1118
01:07:08,770 --> 01:07:09,570
No, that's good.

1119
01:07:09,570 --> 01:07:12,530
That's good. I don't got much
to add. I just think it's a great

1120
01:07:12,530 --> 01:07:13,090
episode.

1121
01:07:13,330 --> 01:07:14,370
Glad to be here with you.

1122
01:07:14,610 --> 01:07:19,810
Yeah. And you know I think
like parting. Parting word is I'm

1123
01:07:19,810 --> 01:07:23,090
gonna go call my mom in a
little bit. Like I know me being

1124
01:07:23,090 --> 01:07:26,130
convicted, like I'm gonna call
my mom. I'm gonna be. I'm gonna die

1125
01:07:26,130 --> 01:07:29,650
to self and ignore the fact
that I hate phone calls. I'm so brave

1126
01:07:29,650 --> 01:07:35,330
like. But call your parents.
That's our parting isn't. No, no,

1127
01:07:35,330 --> 01:07:37,410
no, no no. Call them I guess.

1128
01:07:38,370 --> 01:07:39,730
Please do. Please do.

1129
01:07:40,770 --> 01:07:44,090
Thank you guys so much for
listening. We hope you guys enjoyed

1130
01:07:44,090 --> 01:07:48,830
this episode. Very heartfelt.
So I'm a little teary eyed right

1131
01:07:48,830 --> 01:07:51,030
now, but anyways, we're going
to ignore that and move on. Thank

1132
01:07:51,030 --> 01:07:53,350
you guys so much for watching.
We'll see you later. Peace.