Anxiety is probably something that you are intimately familiar with. It's probably why you're listening to this right now. But do you know what anxiety actually is and what to do about it? I'm gonna share five super practical and free tips to help you reduce your anxiety in your day-to-day life. My name's Justin Sunseri. I'm a therapist, a trauma recovery coach, and the creator of the Polyvagal Trauma Relief System. Welcome to Stuck Not Broken, where I teach you how to finally get relief from trauma using clear language and practical techniques. As you know, this podcast is not therapy, nor is it intended to be a replacement for therapy. So first off, let's talk about what the heck anxiety really. it's probably something you're aware of on an experiential level, like you're consciously aware of when you feel anxiety and depending on who you ask. Anxi anxiety could be really a number of things. I have something very specific in mind, but you may have heard that anxiety is a chemical imbalance or a character defect, like you're not strong enough, or it's a hereditary condition or a survival response, or the influence of the devil even maybe. From the point of view of the neuroscience of the Polyvagal theory, anxiety is something very specific and I think much more easily understandable. And if you're brand new to the Polyvagal Theory, go to episode 101 of this podcast, Stuck Not Broken episode 101, and that's, that's the, the place to start. Anxiety is the emotional experience of being stuck in a Polyvagal state of flight. Basically, the idea here is that if you are not safe, if you can't connect with yourself and connect with others, then you shift into, your body shifts into a defensive state, and the first state that it shifts to is flight. It, it mobilizes or it wants to, or it does mobilize. It prepares to mobilize to get out of that situation and get to safety. But if that person can't act on the impulse to get away, Then the body just kind of remains in this flight state. And on a day-to-day level that's experienced as anxiety or nervousness, worrying anticipation, rumination, like when you're experiencing anxiety, don't you kind of want to leave whatever the situation is that you're in? Like you probably want to get away, you probably want to make space, you probably want to get to safety. I would assume it'd be somewhere that is uh, predictable and less stimulating. As I talk about managing anxiety, the, the issue here is not to make it go away. That's, that's not my, that's not my goal, honestly, but that might be the natural result of my five tips here but really it's more about utilizing your body's natural potential for being in its safety state, which it can be, or, and or using your the activation of your flight state. So using that mobility that is within your system. Of course, these things need to be practical. They, they need to be things that you can use in your day-to-day life. Things you can implement quickly and easily without bringing a lot of attention to yourself or spending money. Without further ado, I'm gonna give you my five tips number. Actually, I'll do a bonus here. First tip zero. This is the basics. Like you have to have the basics in place. The bare bones basics, eating a good enough diet, getting enough movement in your life, getting enough sleep, you know, I'm not gonna tell you what the right amount of those is that I think it's different person to person, so I'm gonna have to trust you on this. Just generally get a good enough diet, good enough movement, good enough sleep. Socialize as best you can. Good enough with people that are, you know, safe in your life. Tho those are the bare bones basics. We, I really think you have to have those in place before moving on, but if you don't, do as good as you possibly can and then do the other tips and then maybe come back to the basics and you might be able to handle it a different way. I really think also structure in your life, some level of structure and predictability is a very good idea. Being able to predict what's coming up Next is a cue of safety. it actually helps to reduce anxiety and worrying and, and, and wondering. So predictability structure is, is a good idea as well. So be beyond that tip zero there. Let's go on to tip number one, which is to create a safer environment. Create a safer environment. Your environment, the one that you're in, even the one that you're in right now, the one you're in at work as well at your home, friend's, house, the restaurants you go to, these affect your neuroception of safety or danger. Basical. Your senses bring in these cues from the external environment. Like what you see, what you hear, what you smell, what you taste, and what you touch. It brings in these cues of safety or danger from your environment. They go to your brainstem. Your brainstem detects if it's safe or dangerous, and then shifts your body into a state of safety or danger. Therefore, if you were to create an environment that provides more safety, cue. that probably would increase the chances of being in your own safety state and thus reducing your anxiety. Now, I don't need you to like completely overhaul your space. I don't need you to paint the walls. I don't need you to go out and buy new furniture. If you can have out it, not all of us can do that. Right? And this is the same thing I recommend to my building Safety Acres course. It is to identify one piece of your environment that you do have control over. That might be a room in your home if you're renting an apartment with somebody. Maybe it's your room. If you have just if you, if your house is a disaster and you and everywhere is over overwhelming, maybe you can't even pick one room. Maybe it's just a corner of a room, but one place that you can take control over and begin to increase the safety cues. There actually are probably things you can do right now with the environment that you're in, as long as you're not in your car. Although this could apply to your car as well, as long as you're not driving, let's put it that way. And the first thing is to clear up any clutter or crumbs or garbage that you might have in your area. Just, you know, throw stuff away that needs to go in the garbage or the recycling. Another thing could be if you could adjust the lighting, do that. Or like if you have a dimmer or if you can open up the blinds and let some fresh, not fresh light. If you could let in some sunlight, some daylight in, do that. Maybe organizing tidying up. If there's any like knickknacks around you that don't provide you with a sense of calm and maybe are just more visual clutter, then get rid of those or move them somewhere. and maybe bring in ones that feel you know, more good for you, so maybe it's from a different part of your home or your workplace, and then bring 'em into that little safety environment. The point here is not to feel happy. I'm not looking for happiness. If you feel happy, great, but the point here is to create a space that allows you to breathe a bit easier and just to reduce or manage that anxiety that you might otherwise have. Tip number two is to use your anxiety with fidgets. If you're in a flight state, if you, if you have anxiety that indicates you're in a flight state, that in case you have the impulse to move. So wouldn't it make sense to use your body's potential for movement? Now, I'm not saying like get up and run. I mean, you, you can if you like, or maybe you can't, I don't know where you're at right now. But in general, Sure you can go run. That is an option, but I think that a potentially less embarrassing, maybe more doable way to use some of your anxious flight energy is through fidgets. I like to experiment with different ones, but basically just pick a fidget or two that really kind of sparks something within you. They just sort of feel good or there's, there's more of a sense of like versus dislike. Again, doesn't have to cause, doesn't have to bring you happiness. It just has to be more of a, a sensation or feeling of relief. Maybe soothing, maybe calm. There's just this, when I, when, when you find the right fidget, there's this feeling of, Ooh, I like that. That's more what we're looking for here. This has to be something you can mindful utilize, and maybe even discreetly depending on where you're at, like if you're at a potluck at work or you're just at your desk at work and you don't want to, you know, make a big scene of you're fidget, you might just have it in your pocket. Something you can squeeze or, or roll around in your, in your fingers. Fidgeting with curiosity and with mindfulness and really experiencing what it's like to feel it can really help to reduce. Those anxious feelings of your flight state. But again, the mindfulness is a really big piece of this. Tip number three is to use your anxiety with movement. So maybe fidgets aren't enough for you and you want that next level, and maybe you are ready to, or you'll benefit from getting up and moving around and, and that's where a bigger type of movement might come in handy. So maybe it's not like you're sprinting and actually utilizing that flight energy. Maybe it's more of like you're, you're taking a walk, but you're doing, doing it mindfully. If you're getting up, moving around. I like to take a walk around the block when I'm at, at work, but when I do that, typically I don't bring my earbuds and my phone. I'll more do it quietly and really take in my external environment and I'll listen for, you know, what's around me, birds and whatnot. but if you don't wanna get up and walk around, then flexing and releasing your muscles mindfully can be really, really helpful. Like if you're at your desk or your dinner table at home and you're feeling anxious if you just tense your calves up and then release them or tense your thighs and then release them mindfully if you really like, you know, squeeze. And then when you're ready to just sort of let it go and relax. that can help to reduce anxiety as well. But yeah, you can also get up and run if you, if you are able to, you can bike. Those can be great ways to utilize mindfully, mindfully utilize that flight energy that's in your system. But you can't just get up and run. You have to actually notice and experience what it's like for your muscles to move. If you're going out on that walk, I want you to actually notice what it's like for your feet to push off the pavement. For your calves and your thighs to flex and your knees to bend. I want you to notice and really experience those little micro movements when you're out on your walk. Plus, yeah, taking the external environment as well. Do one thing at a time and you can shift back and forth between what your body's doing and what the external world is like. So look, think of these as like mini moments that you can sort of focus on. Tip number four, to manage your anxiety is using your breath. There are so many breath recommendations out there. I don't personally like to give a specific breathing regimen or prescription it. To me, it seems like your body knows how to breathe. It knows how to breathe based on what your state it is in. And so rather than trying to change that, what if we just let your body breathe the way that it needs to? But, and yes, you guessed it. What if we did so mindfully? When, when you mindfully feel into your, and notice your breathing, it gives your body permission to breathe the way that it already knows how to. You don't have to change anything, you just have to allow it to happen and mindfully experience it. And if you can do that, then the process of of self-regulation can open up. And then Polyvagal ladder climbing can happen. But yeah, there are other options you could be more directive of if you like. The only really. Sort of more controlled or directive breathing, I like to recommend is belly breathing and then extending the exhale that that's just me. The basic idea here is you take in a breath mindfully into your belly if you can, and I recommend through the nose into the belly, and you should really feel your belly come out and expand. But I don't think that's completely necessary. I just think it's, that's what I, that's what I recommend. And then after that pause ever, so briefly, if it's comfort, but again, not, I don't think it's necessary, but if you can pause and then breathe out through your mouth, just kinda like you're blowing out a, a birthday candle, but slowly, and when you breathe out through your mouth in that way, I want you to do it slower than the inhale. So basically you want to extend your exhale as long as it's comfortable. You want to extend your exhale longer than you, you normally would. I don't need you to count, you know, four seconds, five seconds, or. but we just want to extend it a little bit longer than you normally would, and then repeat. What I like to tell myself when I got this from Peter Levine, I don't know what source it was, but Peter Levine had said, trust that the next breath will come. So it's just, it's that mindfulness and it's that trust that your body knows what it needs, and you are simply aligning with that self-regulation capacity and letting it happen. I think it's totally okay to let your body breathe the way that it wants to, and it might want to breathe into your chest. It can be really difficult to breathe into your belly when you're anxious. If you, if you have to breathe into your chest, that's fine. Just do it mindfully and then extend the exhale. That's really the most important piece of that. When you breathe out, it kicks on that parasympathetic safety state or tho those pathways. Come on as you breathe out. So if you extend the exhale, it just allows it to be active a little bit longer and then really kind of like, you know, try and let yourself settle into that exhale as best you can and allow that bo your body to relax. This is uh, something that can be done anywhere. I don't think that it's that big of a deal. Personally, it's pretty darn discreet. So if you're at work or you're at home, take in that mindful breath into your belly. Let it out slowly. I think you're good. I don't think it's anything that's gonna make a big scene or anything. And tip number five, this actually has three parts to it. Tip number five is to validate, normalize, and give permission. This is more of a top-down state regulation. This is top-down anxiety management here. I think it's good for any of the Polyvagal defensive states, but we're we're focusing on anxiety from the flight state. Using top-down cognitions to change or soften your defensive state can be very challenging. So if you're gonna go this route, I don't recommend you do it when you're too far into the anxiety. This is something that I would do pretty early on, try and catch it early on. So, you know, it's, if it's a little bit of anxiety if or if it's nervousness or worry. If you're in a full on panic attack, I don't know how helpful this is unless you've really practiced it and you have a pretty good amount of distress tolerance. If you're gonna go ahead and use this when you notice it, when, when it's actually usable. This is what it looks like. The first part of this is validation and validation or validating just means acknowledging that the anxiety that you're experiencing is real. It, it is happening. It's not about judging it or dismissing it or being okay with it. It's not minimizing. It's just saying it's real. I am feeling anxiety. Just like if a friend were to tell you, you know, they were going through anxiety, you would probably say something like, yeah, sounds like anxiety. It sounds, you know, it sounds like you're, you feel really anxious or, or worried or, or, so it's the same thing. It's just validating that this is what's happening without judging it. the second part of this is normalizing, and this just means you're making sense of your anxiety of the feeling based on the context that you're in or, or, and, or based on the context of your larger life. It's basically answering the question, does your anxiety make sense? So it, it could be that specific moment, like maybe you saw somebody from your past that you really, really did not want to be around again. You might, you probably will feel anxious because that flight state is on and you need to leave the situation potentially. So based on that situation, that context, you could normalize the anxiety by saying that it makes sense. Yeah. Yes, it makes sense for me to feel anxious in the situation. I have every reason to want to leave the situation. So yeah, that feeling makes sense and it even could be acted upon, but maybe you hear the voice of someone that reminds you of that past other person, like it's not actually them, but something reminds you of them so that that person's not there. But you know, the, the voice is close enough, or maybe that's a certain phrase that you hear that triggers that, that anxiousness. So you're not actually in danger. The the person's not there. But does that anxiety feeling make sense based on the larger context of your life? And I would say, yeah. And so you could normalize it based on the larger context of your life. You could also ask yourself, if anybody else had my life and they were in the situation and they felt anxiety, would that make sense? And if the answer is yes, then to me that's that's also normalization. After you have validated, after you have normalized. The third part of this is to give your anxiety permission to be there. now. I'm not saying that you dwell on it. I'm not saying that you get sucked into the vortex of anxiety and the flight state. I'm not saying you ruminate. and that it turns into this chaotic panic attack. Re Remember that when it comes to this top-down tip that it's about when the anxiety's manageable, not when it's outta control. Okay? So giving your anxiety permission to be there is when you're noticing it. And it's, it's it's not too much. So it's just like the, the anxiety's not gonna go anywhere. It, it's already there. It exists within you maybe a lot, maybe day in, day out. So it's, it's just kind. Recognizing that it is there and it makes sense, and it's like, okay, well you're welcome to, to be here, to be within me if you want to kind of personify it. So it's like, I'm not, I can't fight this. You're exist. You exist. You exist within me anyways. So you may exist in within me. You may stay here with me while, and this is the important part. You may stay with me while I do something that helps me to anchor my safety state. You're, you're welcome to stay here. and you could even give it like a visualization. I like to visualize things as like putting it in my pocket so you could tell yourself, Hey, I see you anxiety, I see you. I can't force you to go away, so I'm gonna go ahead and stick you in my pocket here, and I'm gonna let you hang out with me while I also fidget with something, or while I also smell the scent of something that I like, or while I, I also go to. safety environment in in my home or while I also go for a walk and take in some sunshine. So those are the five pieces, but you could also bring them all together. Okay. So each of these pieces are helpful on their own, but you can bring them together and actually add on. I think it adds on how helpful these can be. If you just wanna pick one of these, do the one that feels, you know, you feel the most hope and potential in. But, but like I said, you could also bring 'em together. So here's how to do that. When you notice a tolerable level of anxiety where it's not too much, okay, actually even before that, let's, let's do go before that. Before that, I want you to create that space in your life that is providing passive cues of safety that you can turn to when you need. So that should be ready to roll already. I also want you to practice being a safety as well, by the way. So when you notice that tolerable anxiety, validate it, normalize it, and give it permission to be there with you, stick it in your pocket, and then go to your safety environment maybe if you need to, and and reduce that environmental overwhelm and start to receive those passive safety cues. And then you can mindfully use a fidget or use some sort of movement. or maybe even mindfully, use your breathing and just allow that anxious feeling to be present as you also anchor yourself in your safety state. And as, as a bonus, bonus, bonus, if you're able to, the next step would be to be a witness to those internal sensations and images and emotions and cognitions. Actually, I have a free resource for you. It's called SSIEC. And I'm gonna put a link for you in the description. If you click that link, It's JustinLMFT.com/SSIEC. JustinLMFT.com/SSIEC so if you click that link, sign up for my email list, you'll get this one sheet where it has your state, your sensations, your impulses, your emotions, and your cognition all laid. In a table to use as a cross reference to help you build language for yourself to be able to recognize these things and then name them. And I think once you can name things, it makes it more manageable as well. So it's actually like a bonus, bonus tip here and a resource. And that is your nifty gifty for this episode when you sign up for my email. otherwise fellow stuck. Now, I do hope this episode has been a helpful resource for you in your process of managing your flight state, potentially your stuck flight state. I hope it help. It's helpful learning about and applying the Polyvagal theory to your trauma relief. Bye.

This podcast is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing in this podcast should be construed to be specific life advice. It is for educational and entertainment purposes only. More resources are available in the description of this episode and in the footer of justin l mft.com.