What's going on, everybody?

How's it going, everybody?

I'm Derek.

I'm Matt.

And today we're gonna be doing something a little different.

We don't have, like a hard, fast topic necessarily.

We are gonna start with something.

We are gonna do like a little bit of a rabbit hole today where we'll just start the conversation and see where things go.

It'll be a little bit shorter podcast today, probably, unless the Holy Spirit decides otherwise.

Yeah.

So.

But buckle up and welcome to the truth response.

I'll pray today.

Okay, cool.

Father God, I just want to thank you so much for your awesomeness, God, for.

For you being you.

And still, for some reason, a lot of people don't understand it.

Truthfully, I don't think any of us do.

But being willing to care about us, to be thinking about us, to care what we think about and what we go through, God, it's hard to imagine why the creator of the entire universe would care about such a small piece of it.

And yet your Word says that you do.

And so we thank you for that.

We thank you for your love and that mercy and the grace that when these tiny pieces of your universe make mistakes and don't do things the way that you would have us do them, God, that you're.

You're right there willing to forgive and to let the grace of Jesus just stand in its place.

Right.

And stand in our place, God.

And I just.

I thank you for that.

I pray that you guide this conversation.

I pray that the hearts and minds of those listening are open and softer, God, to receiving whatever it is that you have for them.

Not what we have, but what you have for them, God.

And I hope that.

That you allow them to hear what you want them to hear, not necessarily what we say, God, your will be done and allow us to see where you're moving and respond to it.

It's in your precious and holy name I pray.

Amen.

Amen.

Today I'm going to start by talking about, well, I guess anxiety, because here's the deal.

Today I recognized that my anxiety.

I hit an anxiety spike and it put me in kind of a not normal mood for myself, a more foul mood, if you want to say.

That being said, we were talking a little bit about it and we said, let's just throw this into the show.

So basically, I recognize that as of lately, I've had my anxiety, I have a normal level of anxiety, and it's been higher lately.

And then it just takes something and I don't.

Can't necessarily Always put my finger on what it is, but it only takes a momentary thing to then cause a spike.

And it can be a positive spike or it can be a negative spike, but when it happens, it can dramatically change my mood, how I'm presenting myself, all that stuff.

And so it's something I actually.

It's even more anxiety sometimes, trying to manage it.

And so I started recognizing that as I reflected on how I was getting said anxiety.

It's like, well, where's my baseline?

And a lot of it starts with, you know, when I'm at work.

I take my work very seriously.

I put a lot of pressure on myself.

I want to do a good job for the middle schoolers, for the high schoolers, for the adults, for everyone.

And so I want to do a good job.

I'm constantly thinking about all their situations, all the places that they're in, especially when it comes to my students, what goes on in the day to day.

Are they responding, responding well to teachings?

Are we seeing change?

Are we seeing growth?

Are we going to see them?

Are they going through something today?

Are they acting off today?

Did they do something?

All these things I think about, and then if that wasn't all enough, like a lot, I just tend to pile more things up on top of myself.

For instance, if I go home then, and one of my kids is having a bad day, I just put that on top.

If I.

My wife's having a bad day, I put that on top.

If my dog did something wrong, I put that on top.

If something breaks in the house, I put that on top.

It's not like I'm putting a bunch of tasks on top of myself, which is stressing myself.

I put a lot of baggage, a lot of emotion, a lot of feeling on top of myself, and I just kind of carry that around.

It can be really hard to navigate to the point where I'll think I'm great one moment, and then something happens, and I find myself in a place where I'm like, how did I get here?

And it all stems because I'm kind of in a higher level.

And so acknowledging that I do this to myself because sometimes I'm my worst critic and sometimes I maybe probably too hard on myself, which doesn't help.

I know how I get the anxiety.

I know how it builds.

Sometimes it's easy to see how I got there.

But for me, as we were kind of wanting to talk about, is I don't necessarily know the best ways sometimes to help alleviate that, to detox, if you will, from the anxiety you know, there's the things, you know, to do.

You know, I go to scripture, I'll go to prayer.

I'll try to take some time to myself, but sometimes even then, it's hard to detox the anxiety.

And so that's where we're at right now.

And that's what we're going to be starting with today.

And so, yeah, it's just.

It's hard.

Yeah, I think that everybody deals with that, that building up of things on our shoulders.

I know, I know I struggle with that.

I struggle with that a lot.

And I mean, even.

I mean, hearing you go through some of your things beforehand, like, I. I empathize with some of that.

Yeah, I've been there.

I've been in.

In that boat, dude.

Like, slightly different, obviously, different family structures and all that, but same stuff, dude.

It's.

It's same stuff.

And so I get where you're coming from, and I understand how you're feeling.

I mean, scripture has lots to say about anxiety, but usually it's a, you know, cast your cares on him because he cares for you or, you know, like those sorts of scripture verses.

It does help when it comes to certain things.

So, for instance, like, if you're worried about how something's going to happen or how, you know, or how you're going to get through something like that, that's a great thing to take to God and go, all right, God, I want you to take this and help me with this and such and such.

And that can be really great.

But sometimes when it's.

It's not necessarily that you're worried about something, how something will play out, it's the fact that there's some.

You're in a situation and that can cause.

And for some people, depending on if they're extroverts, introverts, all the different factors on who you are plays into that.

Well, and one thing that I was looking at on here, it brought up a good point.

And with the scripture of let tomorrow worry about itself.

Don't be anxious for tomorrow, one thing that would be good, and I think helpful for most people actually, is writing down what it is that you're going through and divvying up what you can control and what you can't, and then taking the things that you can control and doing something about it and then the things that you can't control and letting them be gods.

Because a lot of times I know that it feels like a.

We don't want to lose the control of our lives.

Right.

And that's usually whenever things get anxiety ramps up is I don't have control over all of these things that are happening.

Right?

So that's usually one thing.

And it's constantly feeling like you're a cleanup crew.

And so there's that.

But also like, you gotta recognize as a believer that we can't control everything.

And I think that we definitely do.

But sometimes we don't want to relinquish that control.

And so, well, sometimes we don't realize that we're picking it back up.

You know, we lay things down and then sometimes we don't realize, hey, we're still holding onto this, we're still picking it up and trying to run with it a little bit.

Right?

And that can be a lot more, you know, sometimes.

I saw somebody post something recently.

It was like, you know, I'm stressed out and God's like, stop trying to do my job then, you know, and I thought that was great.

That's so good.

Yeah, so good.

But I mean, it's difficult.

So like when you talk about techniques on how to try to, you know, counter this, so to speak.

So one of the things, you know, scripture can really help in different places.

I will say that one of my go tos is to read chapter four of Philippians.

Not only does it tell you what to do with the things you're worried about, but it also tells you, oh, think about these good things.

And so I think about that and I'm like, alright, so instead of thinking about the things that are dragging me down or adding stress, what can I think about that's like happy thoughts, what's positive?

What's something I can focus on or try to.

And I get it, I've been there.

So someone listening might go, yeah, but it feels like everywhere I look, everywhere I look, there's something like the places I would normally look for, something positive.

There's something negative there.

I've had black clouds over me or felt like it, where it just felt like every direction you tried to turn there was something that was stressing me out.

So I can understand if anybody's out there feels the same way or has been there before.

So that does.

So then it comes down.

I love your idea of like writing down, what can I control?

What can I not control, right?

Because in everything, in every situation, there's something that you can control.

You can't fix somebody else.

Just for the record, like, you can only fix yourself, right?

And you can only go so far.

That's where God has to kick in.

But looking at like, okay, this is something that's reasonably within my control, that I can try to offset this kind of a situation.

And then you work on that and the rest of it you let God do.

And that I definitely see where that could trick your brain into being like, I have some control over this and I'm okay giving up what I don't have control over, especially when it's thing after thing after thing after thing.

And then you're like, well, I have zero power over any of this.

And to some degree, that's true.

You know, like, God's the one that's got the power, right?

We're no power in comparison to him, but he channels his power through us.

And so there's that.

But taking it to him, obviously, should be the first and foremost, whatever we're going through.

But then after that, seeking like, okay, what is the reality of the situation too?

Because a lot of times I know for me, I'll blow up a situation before I realize what all is actually going on in the situation, before I get all the facts to the situation.

And at that point, it doesn't matter what actually is going on.

A lot of times it's like, I'm already angry about the situation, and so it doesn't matter if all the facts were wrong and I'm okay with all the facts.

Now I'm against whatever was going on because I've reset my brain.

It's actually a dangerous place to be when stress turns to anger.

It's actually.

It releases a kind of chemical in your body that it actually can be addictive because it feels like a release in a way.

It feels like through your anger, through even.

Well, we'll even call violent behavior for some people, slamming something inanimate on the ground or something like that.

It's a certain kind of release.

Anger is dangerous to mess with in your life.

I'll tell you what, something that is helpful is to sit back, try to train yourself as much as possible.

If you deal with a lot of anxiety like I do and other people do, I would say something that helps me is to start to recognize the patterns of.

Not necessarily how you got it, but like how you reacted afterwards, to try to keep and take hold of certain situations.

So for instance, if I know that my kids saying certain words tends to spike me, I have to recognize that I can't allow myself to react right away.

So, for instance, my youngest daughter, she likes to ask for.

So there's this app, it's a learning app she uses.

She wants to get these upgrades all the time.

And they cost a couple dollars each.

And she'll be like, can I get one?

And sometimes I'm like, yeah, sure.

And then sometimes I'm like, no.

But she'll continue to bug me to the point where, I mean, it's almost obnoxious sometimes.

And she's not the only child that's done it.

And I'll look at her and, like, you know, sometimes it makes me want to lose my mind, like I've told you, you know?

But one day I realized, all right, hold on, this is making me angry.

But why is it making me angry?

It's making me angry because it's.

Is this because she keeps interrupting me where I feel like my time's more valued than her time?

Is this because I think something else is more important right now than her?

Is it because the fact that she's not accepting the.

No.

Is that necessarily something that I'll just try to deconstruct it?

And the other day this happened, and I felt myself getting worked up, and I felt myself actually getting going towards the angry about it thing.

And I took my step back and I said, all right, hold on, hold on.

You know, she's being persistent.

Persistence can be a good quality in life.

We just need to tame it.

This is obviously important to her, and that shows a passion.

So let's.

That's a good thing.

We gotta help her tame it.

This is inconveniencing you right now because you have to keep seeing that she's asking for it.

But why am I feeling so inconvenienced?

Why do I feel this way?

And what.

I'm telling you all this for a reason.

So in that moment, I was able to stop myself, curve the thing that I normally might have just done out of instinct, and approach her a completely different way, have a conversation.

I understand that this is important to you, but you can't do it this way.

You cannot bug me there and stuff like that because she'll send me a text message while I'm working.

You cannot do that while I'm working.

And the thing is, I say that to tell you this.

In those moments, something that can be incredibly rewarding is congratulate yourself about it.

It's like, you know what?

You don't need to make a huge deal out of it, but take that moment.

Know that you conquered it.

And that actually can help you release a little bit of that anxiety, I swear, is when you can find out, okay, if I didn't guard myself right now, if I didn't stay on top of this, if I went crazy, the outcome could have been all kinds of things.

But you know what, actually I did a good job here and I helped keep myself in check and I made the right decision and I feel like that was the best thing I could have done.

Way to go me.

Let's celebrate that.

And a little bit of anxiety seems to shed off a little bit and you kind of move for your day.

But I'll tell you what, it definitely helps train yourself too, to be able to be more aware of those things.

Yeah.

And as much as anger is dangerous, I mean, anger is also not necessarily a bad thing.

Well, there's righteous anger, but.

Well, right.

And there's a godly righteousness and a human righteousness that is not necessarily human righteousness is not necessarily a bad thing.

It's just not godly righteousness.

Right.

So there is that.

But as far as anger goes, I mean, scripture tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

Right?

It doesn't say don't speak, it doesn't say don't get angry.

It just says that, you know, be slow to those things because they're powerful things.

Right.

Words that you say are very powerful and anger is a very powerful thing.

And I think when used properly, it can be released strategically.

And I know some people that are really good at that, you know, that are really good at that.

And so, but as far as that goes, like, it's not to say that it's bad.

It's just a dangerous thing to play with, you know, like it's dangerous to allow yourself to get there unless it's warranted.

And so, and I find myself, like you say, slamming things and all that sort of thing.

I got two new puppies, right, and an 8 year old who's getting ready to turn 9 who thinks she's 16.

And so I'm, I'm at a point where it's like I already have my own, my own stuff, right, that I'm dealing with and struggling through, you know, and yet then I've got an 8 year old, almost 9 year old, thinks she's 16, who is like going through life trying to navigate and learn what's okay and what's not okay.

And she's such a good kid everywhere else.

And it's not that she's not a good kid at home, it's just, she just needs time to relax from being so like, you know, all the time.

She, she's even told me in the past, like, it's so hard to just be happy all the time.

And I'm like, yeah, trust me, kid, I know.

And.

And you are so amazing at it.

And so.

But, like, so she.

I understand that she also just needs to, like, not have to be on, you know, and be able to just slip up even, you know, and not that that's encouraged, but just the fact that, like, all right, look, this is a. I hate this phrase, but this is a safe place for you to do that.

Like, I hate that safe place phrase.

It just triggers me.

But it is.

I mean, to some degree, like, there's still, like, okay, you can't do those things, right?

But, like, yeah, at the same time, like, you aren't on guard all the time, you know?

And so that's the safe that I'm talking about, is the fact that, like, look, I love you regardless of what you do, and that's the safeness of it, you know, that I allow.

And to some degree, I mean, she's got an even more allowance when it comes to kind of what she does in her room, you know, as far as that goes.

Like, if she needs to go scream, she can go scream in her room.

You know, if she needs to be angry for a while, she can do that in her room.

If she needs to cry for a while, she can do that wherever she needs to do that.

But.

Which I let her get away with some things, you know, in her space.

Right?

But at the same time, there's a point of disrespect, and that's got to be.

Anyways, all that to say, like, I got that, right?

Dealing with that.

And then these dogs, right, who, like, I. I don't understand.

We buy you a plethora of these toys, right?

You have all of these chew toys, and it's all kinds of different chew toys.

Like, anything that you could possibly want, you've got.

And they seem to like them, right?

And.

And they love them, right?

They.

They love the heck out of them.

I mean, they're tearing them all apart.

It's great.

Like.

Like, I don't care.

Like, I'll.

I'll clean up the fluff all day long, right?

As long as you're tearing up your stuff.

Yeah.

But they have this endless need to tear up my stuff.

Yeah.

Even if it's not out, dude.

Like, they will hunt for that stuff.

They will get into things and it's like, look, like, I'll buy you another toy.

Just stop.

Like, just stop doing this.

And so, yeah, like, that is the whole spiking the.

The football.

They Got a squeaky football.

Spiking that football, man, sometimes that feels really freaking good.

Because I'm not gonna beat the hell out of them, right?

Oh no, I want to.

I'm not gonna lie.

Like I have the desire, right.

That's the anger welling up in me.

And so like all that to say anger is a dangerous thing because when it's left unchecked, well, not it hurts not just you, but it hurts everyone around you.

Well, I mean anxiety leads to that a lot.

It also lead, right.

We're talking about things that lead to or anxiety leads to or leads to anxiety.

And it does.

And sometimes we end up taking something that we're dealing with and we give it to someone else.

That's undeserving of it.

And you brought up a good point.

When it comes to what it is to be home and wanting to be off because I mean anybody for a.

Dad, that doesn't rarely happen.

Yeah, it's really difficult because, you know, I find it easy to be on while I'm at work.

It's just strange.

I mean it makes sense but I'm like, it's so easy to go, alright, I'm on.

And even sometimes when I'm out and about.

Yeah.

But then I'll get home and home's.

It's going to trigger you.

Home's my safe space.

And the thing is at home is where we want to be off work.

Home is where we want to not have to be, you know, on.

And that's dangerous because then sometimes you can take and you'll suddenly start dealing with something and end up take.

You can, you got to be careful because I've seen people really take it out on people.

I mean my kids have done something and I'll kind of snap at them or I'll be a little more cold with them than I should have been.

And I realized it had nothing to do with them and something that else that I was now dealing with that I was lying myself to Tishada.

And so you got to be careful.

And the thing is that as Christians, just as Christians, we go out into the world and we represent Jesus.

So yeah, we're on.

And it can feel hard and it's.

Supposed to be a little bit, but yeah, that's.

It totally is.

And so like for instance, Lizzie, right, Lizzie's on switch is broken.

Like it's a nightmare for her to be able to shut off right at all, ever, ever.

And so like the only time that she's actually shut off in any way, shape or form most of the time is when she's sleeping, and she doesn't do that very much.

You know, she has a hard time falling asleep because she's on constantly.

Right.

Whereas, like, you know, I'm able to shut off to some degree for parts of my day, you know, like.

But it's.

It's a different kind of on and off.

Right.

Like, I thrive on the on.

Yeah.

Well, you know, what's interesting is that the difference between my wife and I, My wife and I.

And if we're both looking stressed out, it's strange how we both got there.

So, for instance, my wife, she's got that woman's brain that's constantly thinking about the tasks.

Got to do this and got to do that and got to do this, and is this done?

And is that done and that done?

And it's all linking together.

And so if she's.

If her brain's just going.

If she's feeling, like, looking like she's just out of it, like her day's beating her up, that's what's oftentimes going on in her head is all the things that need to be done or done or did or did whatever, and they'll just constantly go.

She tells me about it all the time, and I'm like, wow.

And sometimes I'm like, I'm glad.

I don't necessarily do that.

I can turn that off, bro.

But what I can't turn off is the weight of the things, right?

So, like, if she starts.

If I'm sitting there and I'm trying.

Yeah, I feel that.

I feel that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If I'm sitting there and I'm trying, I'll tell you what, it's so funny because we have to be careful also.

And when we're both high up there, how we approach each other, sometimes we need disclaimers.

All right, so I'm about to.

I'm about to just let some stuff out.

Don't talk, let me go, or, hey, I got some things I want to talk to you about.

I want you to, you know.

But, like.

And that's not necessarily anything between the two of us.

It's just like, hey, I want to bounce some things off you, but it can be difficult.

And so if I'm sitting there and I'm trying to deal with a lot of stuff that I'm feeling, which is strange, because guys don't like to talk about the fact that we have a lot of feelings, but if I'm feeling a lot of weight and stuff, and then my wife's like comes in room and goes, there's this and this and this and this that need to be done.

I'm not thinking about the task too.

About the weight that's behind the task.

The need to be done phrase is such a weight.

Yeah.

It doesn't have anything to do with.

Not even the task.

It's the oh my gosh.

And it's weird how that adds.

And it's funny because it adds something different to me than it does to her.

I'll tell you something else though, which.

Is funny because that's a big thing though.

That's a big thing.

It's a big thing.

I'll tell you something else that we recognized is that because, like, if things are not done, it stresses her out because task wise more than it does me.

Until I get a list of things that have to be done, then I feel the weight of that list.

Sure.

Now, that being said, if something's not working right in the house, she'll tell me about it.

But it doesn't stress her out that it's not working, so to speak.

But she will bring it up.

So for instance, I can't get the TV to work.

If she says that to me, she's going, okay, that's not working.

And she knows I'll come in and I'll start working on it.

But the thing is that now that's stressing me out because something not working is meaning that there's.

For some reason I feel that on a different level.

Well, I think that it touches the need to always be fixing things as guys.

Like.

Because, like, if.

If it's not working and you own it, it's your fault.

Well, yeah.

I mean, you have that feeling of like, it's.

It's my fault.

It's wild.

Yes.

And she doesn't understand why I always say that.

Because like we had.

I don't know.

I can't, I can't.

I could go through a list, but if something goes wrong or something's not working, the way I take it, as if it's my fault.

And she doesn't understand how that works.

But as a.

That's exactly.

Those two things are huge.

Like, I can't.

I didn't until today know how to like really describe that to Lizzy either.

The whole like the weight of the.

We need to do this right.

Need is such a weighty word.

Yeah.

That it feels like a. I'm already failing.

Yes.

I already feel like I'm failing because we need to do it right instead of, hey, you Know, can we do this?

Or.

I don't even know.

Like, I don't.

I don't know how.

I don't know what I need.

I know what I don't need, right?

And that's.

That's the whole.

The word need to do, right?

Like.

Because, like, it immediately triggers the whole, like, I'm failing already, right?

There's a need that's not being done.

And so.

And I'm supposed to be meeting all.

The needs, especially when you're already hard on yourself.

And that's just.

It becomes one more thing that's on that list of things that's on our shoulders, right?

Like, and then the broken thing, if there's anything broken, it doesn't matter.

Broken or not working the way it.

Should work, what it is, right?

It doesn't matter what it is.

If it's not working, right.

If it's broken, it's automatically our fault.

And we don't think that you think that necessarily.

We just internally think that.

Yeah, we think that.

And you know what's funny about it is it could be anything, literally anything.

It could.

Honestly.

I'll give you an example.

All right?

So there was a speaker, a Bluetooth speaker that wasn't working anymore.

And I'm sitting there fighting with this thing, trying to get it to work.

I can't get it to work to save my life that day.

I just can't seem to get it done.

But that being said, I'm taking it on me like, it's my fault.

It's not even that expensive of a.

The thing probably just broke, but I'm taking it as if it's my fault.

And so Sadie, my wife, she cannot understand that mentality.

Like, why are you.

Why is this making you so frustrated?

Why is this making you so mad?

Why are you taking this?

Like, it's because I did.

Because this is something that I own and it's my fault.

And I'll tell you what else is interesting when it comes to.

We talk about the task list, right?

So I think for both men and women, the task list is never empty.

Sure.

I think it's always full.

There's always something to do.

At the very least, even if it's not full, there's at least things that are on it.

So my wife will tell me that she's always thinking about all the tests that need to be done all the time, and I'm like, that sounds exhausting.

What I do is, I know that it's all on the list, but I'll go, what's priority one now, right?

What are the things?

It's like the difference between reading the grocery list altogether or what do we need to get first.

Yeah.

So I look at it, I'm like, alright, so what's the most important thing right now?

I'll get that done.

And if I've gotten a few things off that list today, I can relax a little bit, you know, and I can let go of the list for a bit.

And like she's still thinking about the list.

I'm just like, all right, I got some important things taken care of today.

And you know what's funny is two things, two things happen.

Number one, it leads to.

And women love to pick on men for this in different ways and different forms, but at least the things not getting done or fixed and it's because that wasn't a higher priority than these other things.

If this is more priority, this is going to be what we're going to focus on.

And that other stuff, we'll get to it.

We will eventually.

But if it's not high on the priority list, it's not going to get done.

We have to emphasize to ourselves that it is an important thing to get done today, right now for it to get done and then we'll get done.

And you have to emphasize that to us if that's something that you as women, like, feel as a priority.

Like you need to come to us and tell us that because we don't automatically assume whatever you think is a priority is a priority.

We don't read minds.

Well, none of that stuff is a thing, right?

Like none of it, none of it is a thing.

And when we receive, the task changes completely too.

So for instance, like if I'm in the middle of something, I had this cabinet, a cabinet above my fridge, right.

And the cabinet door was not on right.

It was loose.

And it's not hard fix, honestly.

But usually when I sell it, I'm in the middle of something so I'm like, oh, I gotta get that done.

But because when I do have the time away from whatever else I'm doing, other things are more of a priority.

It took over a year and a half until I fixed that thing.

Yep.

So I today, right.

Today, finally put the cabinet door back on my daughter's bathroom sink.

Yeah, it's been sitting off because the, whatever those, the fancy brackets that were on it like weren't working right and wouldn't stay stay on it.

It kept falling off.

So I put some old school brackets on it finally today I had ordered them so Like I had waited forever trying to figure out what I was going to do about it.

I tried fixing it like three or four times, got frustrated with it and then ordered the brackets because I knew I wanted to do that.

And then finally today, it's been like six or eight months, right?

Of this whole.

It's just been sitting beside our computer.

That's how Geisels can do two things.

That's how we can forget until you lose your mind and go, why isn't this done yet?

Because other things, and that's also how we start projects, also get back to finishing them.

Also, if we've failed at fixing it, leave us alone for a bit, right?

Like, seriously.

And this isn't like a thing, right?

Because like, if I have tried to fix this thing, don't harp on me about trying to fix it.

Like, I am already beating myself up about the fact that I failed to fix it, right?

So there's failures and upon failures in that feeling, right?

Because it's your fault it broke and now it's your fault you can't fix it.

And so there's all of this weight on that.

So just give us a little bit because we're going.

We know it needs to be fixed and we're going to attempt it again.

But sometimes we have to walk away.

And sometimes that looks like weeks, okay?

Sometimes that's not like for a couple of hours, right?

If it's a necessity, that's different.

That's going to be like, I need 30 minutes to step away from this.

But if it's a door to your daughter's bathroom sink like that, just let it go for a bit.

I totally get it.

I totally get it.

And also, what's funny too, also, real quick, before you go into that, please don't just ask your father to do it or another guy, right?

Like, bring me into the conversation.

Oh, yeah, like, or bring guys into the.

Hey, what do you think?

Should we have somebody come and do this?

Can you?

I asked my dad to do this.

He's got the time while he's here.

It's like, oh, yeah, that's cool.

That's a great way to approach it.

But just having showing up and it's fixed.

We may not always say anything, but it's a blow.

It's a blow to all kinds of ego and everything else.

Speaking of which, I'll tell you what.

Now I understand that this goes.

It's not always the different couples are different.

So the person that's like this might not be the husband.

It could Be the wife in different ways.

And it could back and forth.

But I'll tell you this for the person that's like, well, sounds like the both of us.

You'll come to us and there's something that we haven't gotten back to or we just haven't done because other things are a priority.

And one of the things you might not understand is that when you come back and harp on the fact that.

And sometimes it needs to be harping.

Is, yeah, it's got a negative connotation.

But bringing it up, if you bring it up in a negative way that we haven't gotten to it yet, that really hurts us more than you think.

We're gonna try to play it off a lot of times.

But please, on the other hand, if you do notice that we got around to something, please just give us.

All we need is an attaboy.

That's it.

Just give us an attaboy.

And it can be on dumb things too.

Like, hey, you noticed that the dishes, you did the dishes like you.

You noticed that they were needed.

Just a little thing.

And it doesn't have to be every time.

Well, for instance, but every once in a while, even a simple little stupid task that's a mundane everything task, like everyday task, like it, we need that.

That's.

I heard this, I heard this, this, this lady talking about men and women and how men are like umbrellas, right?

And so what do umbrellas do?

They keep you out of the wet, the nasty, the gunk, all of the weather you don't want to be in.

They guard you and protect you from that.

Right?

But it does no good if you're not holding it up.

So as a woman, hold up your man.

And that is a lot of times done through encouragement.

I will say I've noticed that if I do something and then my wife notices it and goes, hey, I just want to say thank you.

That means way more than me than she understands.

But then I also sometimes recognize that I know I'm already feeling the need and it's weird that I started to kind of explore that.

So, for instance, when I get to something that's been on my list for a while and I finally go, all right, you know what?

I'm adding it to the list today.

It's getting done.

And then I get it done, there's a good chance, There's a good chance I'm gonna point out that I did it.

I try not to, I really do, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

Hey, I finally got around and did that.

You know why?

Cause really, what I'm saying to you is, look, I finally got off the list.

I'm so excited.

It's gone now, isn't it?

Isn't it great?

And all I want is the acknowledgement.

And then I'm gonna move on with my day.

I'm not even gonna tell my wife about fixing the door.

I'm just gonna see how long it takes for her to notice it.

Serenity's gonna notice it.

She doesn't listen to it.

And one.

Here's.

Here's just something to think through, too, like an example.

We're a ministry family, so, you know, we.

We understand that our lives are our testimony and example.

And so we get.

Some of our dirty laundry gets aired a little more often than other people, maybe.

So there was.

Not too long ago, we got into this big fight over the fact that, like, you know, I felt like she never.

She doesn't care about what I do.

She doesn't appreciate, like, my job.

She doesn't think that I'm doing something that I should be doing.

Like, she doesn't think that the things that I do are good.

And she was, like, dumbfounded by me saying all of that.

And she was like, I talk to people all the time about, you know, your stuff.

And I'm like, I need you to talk to me about it.

I need you to talk to me about it.

Because, like, I'm sitting over here thinking, like, all of my stuff is stupid.

Because I'm basing it off of the fact that my wife doesn't say anything to me about, this is cool.

This is neat, you know, oh, that's great.

You know, any of that stuff.

Like, I'm not getting any encouragement from these things.

And so I'm thinking, well, she's about done with supporting this, you know, at this rate.

And when in reality.

Right.

She was.

She was talking to other people about how great this stuff is.

And.

And it's like, yo, I need you to talk to me about it.

And so this is an example of, like, we need to hear it.

Yeah, well, that goes both ways, too, because my.

There was.

There was.

Yeah, but there's not a lack often, I think, from.

I don't know, from me, anyways, in our situation, I don't lack the encouraging bit.

Well, I.

It's interesting because, like, I.

There was a period, and it wasn't that long ago where I was to other people.

I was bragging about some of the things that my wife was doing in.

And showing my excitement for that to them.

Yeah.

But I guess there was a period of time where I was really.

I tried not to, but where I was not showing that same enthusiasm and such to her about what she was doing, especially when she was going through some schooling and stuff.

And so she started wondering, like, am I not happy with what she was doing or such like that?

And I was like, yo, I'm great, I'm excited.

And I tell everybody.

And she's like, why aren't you telling me?

And I was like, oh, do I not do that?

It's funny because I'll tell her I love her every day, but then I can't tell her, hey, I'm excited for this stuff that you're doing.

You know what's hard anyway?

I mean, that's something that we too, as guys, we tend to lack a lot of times, the encouragement bit until things need fixed and then we draw attention to it, which, I mean, that's.

A fault, I tell you what.

And that can actually add to anxiety too, when we realize that we have bypass something for a while.

And it's really weird when we are comfortable, when we think that certain things are okay, there's a comfortability that we will go, okay, everything's fine here.

Let me focus over here.

And then if a problem happens over here where we think everything's all good, then we like, oh, man, we failed.

And I'm the kind of person, I'll take that really hard on myself.

I'll tell you something I did recently that my wife got on me for.

I say that gently.

She was just like, why don't you think about this stuff sometimes?

Sometimes I get really mission focused and I don't think about certain things.

Like, I probably could.

So I went on a journey with my son and we left around lunchtime.

And I had grabbed a couple things just to sustain myself, right?

Because I was like, if I can grab a couple things to eat and that'll get me through, I can get to dinner.

And I saw my son grabbing some things, and that was the last I thought of it, right?

And so he and I were out that day, and we were out longer than I anticipated.

And he's like, I'm hungry.

I'm like, yeah, I'm hungry too, and we just need to get home for dinner.

And that's all I thought about it.

I didn't actually ask him, hey, what all did you eat?

I didn't ask him.

I didn't really take into mind too much because I was so focused on getting to what I needed to get done and then getting back home, that I just kind of.

That was not even on my mind.

I thought, you know, when it comes to food, I thought, dinner when we get home.

That's.

That's as far as I was.

Meanwhile, my son, the only thing he actually ate that day was a couple bags of chips, you know, and if I'd have asked him, I'd have recognized that I should probably get him at least something while we're out today to help sustain him before we get home.

And he got.

He didn't really.

He expressed it that he was hungry to me, but I took it more as, like, yeah, I'm hungry, too.

I didn't think about it more in the context of where he was.

And it's funny because I get.

She's like, you get your blinders on.

I'm like, I do.

I do.

But when she mentioned that I messed up, so to speak, she didn't say, you messed up.

So to her credit, she did not say that.

But when she mentioned, hey, why didn't you think about this?

I immediately took it on myself.

I took it hard on myself that I messed that up.

Right?

And I'll tell you, like, that is such.

That's such a normal thing for guys, I think at least you and I are resonating really big right now.

Because when you.

Just because you didn't say something doesn't mean that's not how we heard it.

And so words are important.

And if I don't communicate, like, hey, can you word this differently?

Like, if I don't communicate, that that's on me, right?

Like, I'll take that blame.

I'll take that on myself.

But if I'm like, yo, like, when you say this this way, this is.

I can't not take it this other way.

And so it's not even necessarily some communication the way that she says it.

It's the way that I'm taking it.

So, for instance, like, she could say it as well as she can try.

I just mean the wording.

And it doesn't even need to be the wording.

I.

If I feel like I messed, I missed something.

Yeah.

You know that I take it hard on myself.

So that was one where I'm like, all right, not only I felt like it was one of those moments where you're like, well, if I had a time machine, I would fix this, but now I can't.

And so what do I do now?

And so that is.

That's really difficult.

Really difficult.

Like, it.

For us, we're More comfortable.

Like, if we were building a chair with instructions and we realized we missed an instruction, we just go back and rebuild the chair.

When it's something in life, the day's gone and done, and we realize we can't go back and rebuild it.

It is like, man, it can be a.

It can be a big deal, you know?

And I mean, for me, like, I get so focused.

I have a hyper focus that's wild and to the point where it's funny.

Like, I sometimes will wear headphones if I'm.

If I'm.

If I got a lot of work to do and I need to focus and I'm having trouble, I'll put headphones on.

Helps me focus, and then I'm.

I'm gone.

But if I don't.

If it's not that day, if there's a day where I'm just already focused, I don't need headphones.

I will block everything out around me.

Everything.

And it's not intentional, too, because.

Okay, so ladies need to hear this.

No, ladies need to hear this, though, because, like.

Like, whenever we have a task and that's what we're.

That is our focus.

We don't see everything else.

That's.

That needs to be done at that point in time.

That's just something that we don't see.

Now bringing it to our attention is.

Is okay, right?

Like, hey, have you done this?

Like, is this something that, you know, Is this part of today?

What are your tasks?

Having conversation about.

It's okay, but, like, expecting us to see all of the things while we've got a task at hand.

It's difficult.

Is not something.

It's difficult for me.

No, it's not something we can do.

I mean, give me.

Give me a break.

Well, like, we are boxes, right?

We got the boxes.

You know, we can open one box at a time, and ladies can connect all of the things at the same time.

And this is not, like, a bad thing.

Like, women, I'm impressed that you guys can think about all the things that you do.

Oh, I am.

You have.

You have a specific role in having that kind of a brain.

And us as guys, we open a box and then we close that box to go to the next box.

And I joke a lot with Lizzie about the fact that you can't open two boxes at once, because once you do, it's forever.

One box, like, whatever.

Anytime you open this box and this box at the same time, to build another wall in there to make it two boxes again is a really difficult thing, because as soon as that one box opens, we're gonna be thinking about that other thing that we were forced to open two boxes.

Our comfort zone is naturally to be like, alright, this is hyper focus, right?

Yeah.

And actually not only that, but I'm a very visual person.

And so if I'm reading something, it's an image in my head or a movie in my head.

If I'm thinking about doing something, I'm already imagining it in my head.

And so she'll be like, how did you walk right past this?

I have no idea.

But the reality is probably because when I was walking past it, I was thinking about something I was getting ready to do.

And that's what I'm seeing.

I'm already seeing it.

And so that's where I'm at.

I'll walk past things I didn't even realize were there.

Yeah, that's our argument with dishes.

She's like, how did you not see the dishes in the sink?

It's like, well, I wasn't hindered from using the sink and I had something I was in the middle of doing, so I didn't notice it.

And that'll be now I understand.

Like, I do the dishes occasionally.

Like I do that.

And so I forget more often than I don't.

But that's been.

The argument is like, how did you not see it?

Right.

Like, the how did you not part is the part that like, I'm talking about not whether or not I should be doing things like that.

Well, I tell you, it's actually, it's not only that, but it's also like, I will walk around my house and we love to joke about in my house, especially my wife and I, about how clumsy I am.

I mean, I'm a big dude and I don't always look down, so I'm running into things with my toes and my feet and my legs and I'm bumping into stuff all the time.

And.

And that's actually part of it, is that I'm not focused on every single step I'm taking everything.

I'm often going already where I'm at.

Okay, I got to go into that room.

And so as I'm thinking about that, my body's on autopilot.

It's got the basic instructions.

And then I bump into things and it interrupts.

How did I just bump into that?

Oh, it's because I'm already in that room.

I'm not in this room anymore.

Right, right.

And so, yeah, but I mean, it's funny because, like, having that, having to I'll tell you what's another thing that's an anxiety.

I don't know if it's for you, but I know it's for me.

So if I'm deep into a task, interruptions or a flat out, you need to stop what you're doing and do this instead.

Even if what that is, is really important bothers me to a point.

So, for instance, you might have noticed because you were over my house.

I have this outside furniture, and it was sagging really bad, so I decided to rebuild it with these planks to make it nice and sturdy.

And I was three quarters of the way done, and my wife came outside, and she was like, hey, I need you to stop that and do this right now.

And what she asked me to do was actually really important.

My son was going through something.

I needed to talk to him about it.

It was important.

Like, there really, at that point, there was nothing more important than to stop what I was doing to it.

But that doesn't mean that I'm not losing my mind a little bit, because all I want to do is finish that task.

I'm practically there, and I, you know, I'm in a groove.

I'm in the zone, and now I have to stop.

I'm not as much that way, but Lizzy definitely is.

Oh, yeah, Lizzy.

Lizzy is definitely that way.

When she gets interrupted in the middle of a task, it's hard for her because she takes a bit to get back into the task.

Right.

And whereas I am a little less like that.

I mean, it's an inconvenience.

Right.

And I may get frustrated about it sometimes, but it's less about the fact that I was almost done with something or in the middle of something as much as, like, I'm being asked to stop doing something that I'm doing.

You know what I mean?

Like, it's not like, it has nothing to do with, like, the importance of the task at all whatsoever.

So I don't know.

I guess it's more of an inconvenience, frustration for me than it is, like, what you're talking about.

But Lizzy is that very way, like, exactly what you're describing.

And so, yeah, that's something that's hard for me to navigate, like, trying to figure out, okay, you know, holding my tongue, you know, pay take in the situation.

Take in the situation.

That's what I mean by holding my tongue.

Like, taking the situation, see what's going on, and then if it's, you know.

Right.

Then do it.

So which is Funny, because that's something that God's been.

God's been doing with me with this experiencing God thing is the whole.

The wait, listen, watch and respond is what he's been pounding into my head is just take a breath.

You ain't got to do all these things that you think you got to do right now.

Listen to what I'm telling you, because when I speak, it's more important.

And watch for where I'm working and then respond to where I'm working when you see it.

And so it's something that God's been really beating into me lately, and it's really good.

But to go back to.

Go back to earlier's conversation with the middle of the frustration.

Do you ever react very poorly in a situation and then immediately think, God doesn't treat me this way?

That God doesn't treat me this way.

God doesn't treat me like I'm treating these dogs.

Or God doesn't react like, this is not.

Like he uses that to convict you because he's like, yo, I don't do that to you.

Yeah.

Are you gonna be the guy whose master paid off his debt and then you're gonna go strangle?

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I can understand.

Where's that mercy?

Where's that grace?

Where's that love?

You know, you don't want the WWJD afterwards.

Bro.

Bro.

What would Jesus do?

Should be at the forefront.

When it comes to the back, you're like, it's always a smack.

That's what it is.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

When you fail and you're like.

It's like, dude, I fell short there.

It's like, yo, I've been teaching you your whole life to not react this way.

Because I don't react this way.

Yeah, visually, sometimes it helps to, like, all right, Jesus, you're right here.

You're right here.

But like.

Yeah, when you.

Yeah, but I can't picture him in anything but a hoodie.

Man in a hoodie.

Yeah, it ruined me at the leadership retreat.

Hoodie Jesus two years ago or whatever.

Yeah, I was.

We were like.

I was like, all right, I'm gonna picture Jesus sitting right.

Right here with me.

Right.

And the only thing I could picture was Jesus in a hoodie.

And I'm like, this is weird, but cool.

I mean, but so I. Hoodie Jesus is what I picture.

Like a cream colored.

Like a light, light cream colored hoodie.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Anyways, that's dumb.

Whatever.

We're we gotta wrap this thing up.

Let's land this plane.

Yeah, well, I mean, obviously.

Look, guys, this is, you know, we all deal with a lot of anxiety, you know, and you know, maybe you're in a good place with it right now, maybe you're not, you know, it's good to talk about it.

I don't know if everybody does struggle with anxiety.

Well, not everybody.

I don't think women do.

You're gonna get hate mail with that.

I'm trying to get anything, any comments.

Right.

Any.

Oh my goodness.

So I will say.

But look, we all have to deal with it in one form or fashion and maybe you're in a good place with that right now or maybe you're not.

And I'll tell you one of the first things that I, I know it's good to talk about it.

It's hard to talk about it, especially I know when you're in intense moments, it's hard to talk about.

But try to find someone that you can talk about it with and start to think through some things.

The Bible.

Jesus is there to love you.

If there was one thing I could tell you, that is the number one thing that helps me is focusing on how much Jesus loves me.

Like I said earlier, when it comes to.

I'm going to go full circle on this.

Philippians 4 tells us the good things to think about, the things that are true, the things that are just.

God loves you and has forgiven you and wants you to be okay.

And the fact that you have someone that's always in your corner, someone that doesn't matter what you did, what you're even in the middle of.

He wants to love you back into the best you can be.

And that is something that we can take to the bank.

So if you're going to focus on that and, or for me, I kind of like, I have to give myself some time to kind of break away and almost kind of meditate on that.

It's just the fact how much he loves me, how much he's forgiven me, how much he's there for me, he's not against me and push back on some of the things that help add to my anxiety, then it definitely can help a lot.

Yeah, that's good.

That's good, man.

I feel like we gotta kept this stressing, talking about it.

I mean, like, I don't know, you seem to be in a better mood.

Yeah, I was.

No, that's because I'm talking about it.

Right.

So, so, and, and honestly, like we as Christians, in order to act Like Christians, we are required to walk around with our wall down.

We are.

It's the hardest thing.

I know it's the hardest thing to do because people hurt us, right.

And yet we have to walk around with our wall down, because that's what we're called to, right?

Because he is our shield.

He is our shelter.

And so our wall is him, not whatever wall we want to build in front of other people to not let them in.

And so as much as that, that's a hard thing.

It's so much more freeing when you just throw that on Him.

Now, I say all that just to say, like, the people that you talk to about it, I mean, be.

Be wise in who you talk to.

Right.

But at the same time, like, you don't know how they need to hear it, too.

You know, they don't know.

You don't know what they're going through, you know, at that moment either.

And so you may be able to lift each other up just by talking about the anxiety and the stress that you got going on and alleviate some of that.

I mean, obviously, obviously, if you've been doing the Jesus thing for any time at all, you know, prayer is the first thing you do, you know scripture to remind you that he's got you, and then using your brothers and sisters to help carry your burdens, because that's what we're called to do, you know, is the third thing that you do, and that is one of the biggest things, too, is that, like, he gave you each other to carry each other's burdens, because carrying your own burdens is hard.

It's super hard.

Carrying the burdens of somebody else is not as hard.

It's not as hard because it's not yours.

Right.

And so it feels a little lighter than your own burdens do.

And so whenever we're helping each other and carrying each other's burdens, it's relieving the stress off of.

It's like the horses, right?

Yeah.

One horse can pull a set amount of weight.

Two horses can pull, like, double.

More than double.

It's like.

It's like.

It's crazy.

It's like quadruple or 10 times the amount of weight just because there's two of them than what one of them can do on their own.

And so that is.

That is this.

That's what today is.

And that's what talking through your anxieties and struggles with one another is, is.

Is allowing the burden to come off of us.

And at the same time, like, being able to maneuver through all of it, you know, so.

And I know I was just kidding about the whole.

Women don't have any anxiety or struggles or stress or any of that sort of thing.

The majority of our listeners are women.

And I really greatly appreciate you guys and know that you all know that because we talk on a semi regular basis.

Some of us.

Well, those of you that are here.

Yeah.

And so I want to say, like, first off, thank you so much for just caring about us, like, the support.

There's a picture.

It's going to be out by the time this thing's out.

That is just a picture of some ladies who bought our shirts and wore.

Them all on the same day and.

Wore them all on the same day and took a picture, and it was fun.

So I just really appreciate y'.

All.

Any kind of topics, anything you're wanting to hear about, anything you want us to talk about, just let us know.

Matt's a little more leery about some topics, but I can force him into talking about them.

So whatever you want us to talk about, that's what we're here for, is to talk through things that you guys are struggling with, too, or you're curious about.

It doesn't have to be a struggle.

It could be something you're curious about.

I know that there's lots of things out there, and we've done a lot of things.

I mean, this is episode 226.

Right.

And so we've talked and covered a lot of things.

Right?

Yeah.

But we can always circle back.

We can always circle back.

But that's.

I want that to be based on, like, what are you guys wanting to hear?

What are you guys curious about?

What's on your minds?

What are your thoughts?

I don't mind hitting the same topic three times in two months if you guys are still struggling through that stuff and you're letting us know, like, well, let's dig deeper into things.

So just let us know.

Comment.

Comment about whether or not do you guys struggle with similar things?

What?

Maybe you've got some things that help.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, man.

We are willing to hear advice for us.

I can already hear my mom pray about it.

Definitely want to pray about it.

Advice for us, our wives.

I mean, whatever.

Like, if you know our wives personally, you might give Cole context before you talk to them.

But.

But no, I mean, any kind of advice and stuff's great.

Or things that maybe we missed that we could talk about.

Like, you know, because it's such a bigger topic.

Like you said, we could talk about this.

We could probably talk about this for a long time and, you know, I'd love to hear about everybody.

How do you help your anxiety?

Do you.

Do you curl up with a cup of nice tea and hot tea, cold tea, whatever it is, and just read scripture or watch a favorite movie?

What is it that you do?

I'd love to know.

I'm always looking for new ideas.

You're probably looking for new ideas.

And if anything that we said might help you.

I mean, I don't even know, but let us know.

We'd love to know that too.

Yeah, yeah.

Also, like, if you think that, you know, something we said on here is completely wrong and terrible, we want to hear that too, because we could be wrong.

That's something that we could be wrong about things.

And we also like to hear when you think that we're just completely crazy but you love us anyway.

We definitely love that.

Well, that's a regular comment, I'm sure.

But yeah.

So thanks for joining us on this journey today about anxiety.

That was kind of in the moment, Lord, working kind of a thing.

And so talk to us, let us know.

Hey, we are up to 71 subscribers on YouTube.

We need to get to a hundred.

We need to get to 100.

This is a great job, guys.

Everybody's working hard.

Thinking about adjusting the other metric because, yeah, the first 24 hours thing is hard.

Yeah.

So I was kind of thinking about stretching it to like a week.

First week.

Yeah, within the first week.

Because I'm looking back over all of our stuff and people get busy and.

Yeah, people get busy.

People get behind.

I know some people on here are a week or two behind some of our avid listeners, so.

But yeah, let's get a hundred.

We're getting there.

You guys are working hard, spreading the word.

How about a hundred episodes a week or a hundred episodes?

100 views a week or listens a week, but per episode.

But a hundred subscribed on the YouTube.

Oh, yeah.

YouTube's is still gonna be 100 subscribed.

I think y' all can do it.

There's only 29 more.

We started with there was like 36 or something.

Like less than that.

31.

Something like that.

So you guys have been killing it with the YouTube stuff.

Yeah, keep going, keep going.

So thanks, guys.

Love you all and God bless.

Hey, thanks for joining us.

Make sure to subscribe and give us a like on itunes and Spotify so that you will never miss a show.

And while you're at it, check out our Facebook and Instagram pages and make sure you tell your friends about this show.

You don't want them to miss out on the truth because we are all about the truth here.

Thanks for joining us this week, and God bless.