Welcome back to Connect & Convert, the Sales Accelerator

Podcast, where small business owners get the insider secrets to

growing your sales faster than ever.

Hey, it's Dennis Collins.

I'm joined, as always, by my lovely and talented co host, Leah.

Say good morning, Leah.

I'm from Canada.

Hope everyone's having a great day.

Yes, ma'am, indeed.

Well, we have an interesting Part two today of maybe you heard, hopefully

you heard the first part of this.

When is a gift not really a gift?

That's an episode we had a while back.

Well, today is part two.

When is a gift really a gift?

Okay.

Let's be more specific about the positives.

You know, we want to give positive information, right, Leah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Exactly.

You know what?

There's too much negative.

There's too much.

Don't do this.

Don't do this.

Don't do this.

But it's the positive.

How?

What's something good?

Here we go.

Well, we're going to do that today.

Uh, you know, this is all based on Robert Cialdini's law of reciprocity.

Of all the seven laws of influence that Cialdini has promulgated, I would say

the law of reciprocity is the one I hear about most because it's, it's very simple

in the minds of most people to execute.

Okay.

I give you, you give me.

Okay.

Well, not so fast.

Uh, in a previous episode, we shared the misfires, right?

And now how do we use reciprocity properly?

Okay.

Leah, there are three things that we talked about that make a gift

appropriate for the Law of Reciprocity.

Do you recall the three things that we talked about back

when we did the last episode?

The three in order?

I won't have them in order, but I.

No, they don't have to be in order.

Yeah.

As you know, for me, it's about the story of it all.

So, it is When, when you are giving, do you have any, um,

any strings attached to it?

Is there any thing that you are requiring back?

Is it, is it given with, uh, with the proper motivation, with

conditions, why, why is this coming?

Yup.

Exactly.

And to me, that's one of the, that's the most important one.

Is it really, really, I say from the heart, what is the expectation from it?

What is the expectation?

So often in sales and marketing business.

You know, we are so wrapped up in meeting our quotas, or hitting

a goal, or making a commission.

Hey!

That's human nature.

That's okay.

But unfortunately, that motive does not, uh, enact the law of

reciprocity does not bring it about.

It's not correct because and not only go ahead.

I'm sorry.

Well, no, I was just going to say there's, you know, one of the

principles is it being, is it meaningful?

There's no meaning if it's, if it doesn't enact that that type of emotion.

Right.

I mean, the more meaningful our gift.

Uh, the more exceptional, the gift and that meaningful, by the

way, some people say, Oh yeah, I don't have that kind of money.

Okay.

Meaningful, you know, no, count me out.

I mean, that costs a lot of money.

Meaningful.

It can, but today we're going to talk about ways that don't cost a lot of

money and maybe don't cost any money.

Okay.

The other one is unexpected.

If I give you something that you didn't expect that's meaningful, what happened?

Oh, I'm surprised.

And if it's meaningful, I'm pleasantly surprised.

And often, if it's unexpected, the question

is, Did I miss something?

It causes an immediate connection of I didn't know

that they were going to do this.

I didn't know this was happening.

How, you know, what, what happens next?

Well, think of a time when you got an unexpected gift.

Is there a better moment?

You had no idea this was coming.

It's meaningful.

I mean, isn't that the greatest feeling in the world?

Like.

There's something about a surprise, there's something

about a surprise that's on purpose.

Yeah.

Somebody cares about me.

Right.

Now the third one to me, other than the condition one that

you stated first, this one.

takes it over the top.

Make it personal.

Personal.

For instance, producer Paul, Paul Boomer, he knows someone who's very

close to him that personalizes gifts.

What does a personal gift look like?

It could be As little as just putting someone's name, engraving

their name on something.

Or, how about this?

How long has it been since you wrote a handwritten note to somebody?

How long has it been?

I know from, I have a stack of, of, uh, note cards here in my office.

And you know what?

I don't use them often enough.

Is there anything more personal than a handwritten note?

I don't know what it could be.

Um, I got, we went to a wedding, the queen and I, a few months ago, and

we just got a thank you note, okay?

It is handwritten, personalized, It's just our names.

We, we provided a gift to the bride and groom.

They thanked us for the specific gift.

Okay.

And, and signed it with love from the marriage, the couple that got married.

That's like a million dollars to me.

You know?

Oh, for sure.

And it makes you wonder why the trend is, okay.

Using that specific example.

Why is the trend towards generic?

Thank you is maybe, maybe a picture, no commentary, no, no little note, no,

nothing to indicate who is giving it to whom and why, why you're, you are,

uh, reaching out and saying thank you.

It, it boggles the mind because what, and this comes into what is a gift and

what isn't because what happens is people are trying to do something positive.

So the, the, the intent.

Is to make a connection.

The intent in the case of personal relationships or business is

to move everything forward and to establish something.

We let ourselves get away from doing it in a way that is gonna take up time.

We feel we're too busy we're, we feel that we can't do it properly.

And so shortcuts are taken, and then it's better not to do it than to take

a shortcut that's gonna get you lost.

Agreed.

Well, let's share.

With our wonderful viewers and listeners, a couple ideas.

Maybe you never thought about this.

Maybe you have.

How about this?

This, this, this one usually shocks people.

How about the gift of listening to someone listening to someone?

Why is that a gift?

Okay.

Unfortunately, it's a gift because so few people do it.

I mean, that's a sad commentary.

How many people really listen?

They put the phone down.

They, they focus on you.

They, they paraphrase what you're saying.

So Leah, if I understood you, you said X, Y, Z.

Okay.

They paraphrase, they make it personal.

Um, listening, unfortunately.

In this world is unexpected.

We don't expect people to listen to us anymore.

So can you give the gift of listening without spending a million bucks?

I'll take the money.

I'll listen to you for a million dollars.

But hey, you can do it without that.

Yes.

Active listening.

How about compliments?

How about compliments?

So, Leah, what's the difference between a real compliment and a fake compliment?

I'm sure we have all received fake compliments.

How do you determine which is real and which is fake?

You know, it's interesting because in the English

language, we even have a word for a fake compliment, and it's a line.

Right?

Someone's feeding you a line.

Right?

A line.

Well, there's other words, but they're not very nice.

We won't say it.

No.

We, we won't.

But absolutely.

And, and a real compliment, again, it comes into all of these categories.

It's personal.

It's unexpected.

It's meaningful.

It, it is appreciated because it's real because it makes you feel a certain

way and somebody is giving you the feeling that they have and wanting you

to make sure you feel that as well.

That's how connections are made.

A compliment makes people feel important.

Okay.

A fake compliment backfires.

Okay.

We can spot it.

There was, there was a guy I used to do business with.

I can't remember his name right now.

I think it was Gary was his first name.

And back in the day, we all wore ties.

You know, men had to wear ties, suits and ties, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm glad those days, those days are over.

But so I would always have a tie, you know, and I, I picked

out my ties with some care.

I, I enjoyed.

Shopping for ties, but this guy no matter what with what a nice tie What a great

tie that was his opening line And he did it almost every time I saw him and

I You know, it may have been sincere, but it sounded fake Like yeah, he can't

possibly like every time that I wear, you know, I mean it was like overdone so

That's what a fake compliment sounds like.

How about, how about if I can save you time?

If I have something that I can show you, help you with, introduce

you to that can save you a large amount of time, is that a gift?

Absolutely.

Is it unexpected?

Is it personal?

All those things.

All those things.

Now it, it, and, and sometimes it has nothing, like if someone's offering me a

way to save time in, uh, changing my oil, well, I don't change the oil in my car.

So actually that it's not meaningful to me and it's not helpful to me and

it might be interesting to me or to my husband, but it's not really for me.

So saving time would have to be relevant to your situation, to

stuff that you are wasting time on, right?

Right.

Um, how about cheerfulness?

Do you ever think of cheerfulness as a gift?

You know, we have two choices.

We can have a positive frame or we can fall into the negative frame, the

negative bias, the negativity bias that unfortunately our brain Is prone to okay.

Have you ever thought of cheerfulness as, as, as a gift that is it meaningful?

Yeah, we love cheerful people.

Is it unexpected?

I hate to say it.

Once again, it's like listening.

There aren't a lot of cheerful people out there sometimes.

Everybody is worried about this and that.

You know, there's a lot of things to worry about.

But that person who can be cheerful, in spite of everything, that's a gift.

That gives us something.

That helps our spirit helps our, uh, framing to get out of negativity bias.

Okay.

Does that make sense?

It, it, it elevates us.

I don't know if you are familiar with, uh, there's a literature, literary

character from, Oh, long time ago, our name was Pollyanna and people

actually use that term, you know, you don't want to be a Pollyanna and, you

know, Oh, it's a Pollyanna statement.

Cause you're being positive.

And, Oh, I just love doing the dishes.

I love.

washing the floor.

I love, you know, having a million things to do.

But people missed the point of Pollyanna.

And I was reading a little bit about the author that created her.

And it wasn't about mindless joy.

It was about Pollyanna seeking the joy in what it was that she was doing.

And it changed my mindset from making fun of this And, uh, you could say

a little bit ditzy and are in our current, uh, uh, language, but this,

this character who was genuinely seeing the happiness in doing this and this,

and this, and isn't it wonderful and elevating the people around her, her

mantra was be good and do good things.

And.

That's pretty impressive.

So sometimes we have to dig a little deeper to make sure that the

joy isn't coming across as fake.

But if, if there's genuine, uh, reason for positivity that you can

share and that you, as opposed to, isn't the weather terrible out there

and did you see the news and all of this stupidity and oh my goodness,

there's so much bad in the world.

Oh, I don't even want to have those conversations.

But isn't that how so many conversations start?

It's easy.

Yeah, it's easy and it's on our mind and, you know, I don't want to get

too much into the science because not everybody is a nerd like I

am, but the science is very clear.

Unfortunately, our brains have a negative bias.

Okay.

They go to the negative far quicker than they go to the positive.

The positive has to be chosen.

And I liked one thing you said about Pollyanna.

She found the joy in the situation.

She wasn't mindlessly joyful.

She she found she framed whatever situation she was

in as a joyful situation.

Wow.

What a gift.

What a gift.

We can only be so lucky to have that gift given to us every day of our lives.

One place that I was just going to say, when I think about

positiveness and positive energy and an opportunity to look at things

in a different framework, a little escape, I think of a wizardacademy.

org.

The classes, the intent that they have.

It's, I always come away going, wow, I feel rejuvenated and I feel like I've

learned something and that might be because I'm reading something online or

because I had the opportunity to go there.

There is never a time that I have gone to the Academy and

not come away with my mind expanded.

It's impossible to go to the Academy to not expand your brain

on so many different topics.

wizardacademy.

org Please check it out.

You'll be glad you did.

And maybe Leah and I will see you there one time.

We'd love to meet some of you.

That would be great.

For sure.

So, I guess the point of this whole episode is this.

Gifts can be intangible.

You don't need to give money or jewelry or cars or rewards.

No.

In fact, A reward is not a gift.

If you perform a certain function.

Okay, let's keep it in sales.

Let's say you hit your quota.

And when you hit your quota, you get a bonus.

Is that a gift?

No, that's a reward.

There's a condition.

Okay.

You have to do this to get that.

Okay.

Rewards are great.

Nothing against rewards, but don't mistake a reward for a gift.

Okay.

And the other thing about gift is how do you claim it?

Because most people, they don't see listening as a gift.

They may not see giving advice as a gift.

They don't see cheerfulness as a gift.

They don't see saving time as a gift.

How do you claim that?

How do you claim that?

How do you say it?

Because if it's not claimed, it doesn't exist.

So you have to carefully, carefully, carefully.

Find a way to note it, okay, without being arrogant or not being egotistical.

How do we claim the fact that we just gave a gift?

That's an art that we will not tackle in this episode.

That's a whole nother episode.

How do you claim your gift?

Without sounding like a jerk.

Okay.

Anyway, Leah, do we have any questions for this?

You always have some questions that our viewers, listeners have sent in.

Do we have any questions today that we can answer?

Yes, we have a sales manager who works in an

industry that is client focused.

His sales people have to go out and about, and he is wondering, a

book recommendation for new hires.

One book.

He does not want to challenge them to like get them freaked out about a

tome because there are so many books.

But if he was to give them one, I always call like, what, what,

what, what would we recommend?

That's a hard question because as you see behind me here,

there are probably five, 600 books.

And if you looked at my, uh, little Kindle thing here.

There's probably another eight or 900.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's a tough question for me, but I'm going to give you

an answer for our listener.

Okay.

If I could only read one book about sales.

Okay.

My go to book would be by a guy named Jeb, B L O U N T,

Blount, B L O U N T, Jeb Blount.

It's called Sales EQ.

Okay.

Emotional intelligence for salespeople.

He's written about, I don't know, 15, 20 books.

He considers that book his His major work of all the books he's written.

He considers that his major contribution to the sales industry, sales EQ.

Um, if you get it, you won't be able to put it down.

If you're at all interested in sales and it's not gobbledygook,

it's not a bunch of research.

He does use science to back up what he says, but not overly.

He tells a lot of stories.

He tells a lot of stories and That would be at least that

would be my recommendation.

Maybe you...

I'm excited.

Well, I'm excited.

I, I think that we'll give my recommendation in a in another episode.

But I'm excited about this one because I haven't read this,

Dennis, and I can't believe you haven't told me about this guy.

So now I'm going to have to go out and get this book.

Jeb, yes, you can get it on, well, I'm not selling his book

for him, but you can easily find it.

We can find it.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

So let's issue our challenge for today.

We got to, do you have a good challenge?

You've been, I do.

Let's challenge our, our viewers and listeners, please.

I do.

I do.

I do.

My challenge, and it's going to feel hokey, it's going to feel

odd, but spend the next seven days smiling, smiling at people.

And I'm not talking about just your kids and the people that you work with and for.

I'm talking about when you're walking down the street, even the

guy who's really irritating you in traffic, make a point and not a, not

a creepy smile, but a genuine smile.

And see how it makes you feel and how it makes them feel because that is

the simplest gift we can give people.

So that's my challenge.

Do it for seven days.

Make it conscious.

Write it down so you don't forget because you will forget about day three.

Do it.

You gotta remind yourself every hour.

Yeah.

Every hour.

Do a mental reminder.

Smile.

Do not, do not let somebody go by without smiling.

At the very least, you'll have a little fun.

They'll wonder what you did.

They'll wonder why you're looking at them smiling.

Don't smile at me.

What do you mean by smiling at me?

No.

That's, that's a great, great concept.

Great challenge.

I love the challenge.

Well.

That's it for today's episode.

Now you have a little better idea of when a gift really is a gift.

Meaningful, unexpected, personal with no conditions.

That's the end of this episode of Connect & Convert, the Sales Accelerator Podcast.

We'll be back soon.

Stay tuned.

We'll be back.

Bye, Leah.

Bye, Dennis.