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Well, Hey everybody, Jonathan
Doyle with you once again, welcome

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as always to the daily podcast.

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So glad you're on board.

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Got a great episode for you today.

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There's going to be.

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Stuffing here.

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That's going to help all of us grow.

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As we often say, we don't
need a whole complex system.

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A massive plan to change
aspects of our lives.

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All we need is one good idea.

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That we are actually prepared to use.

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It doesn't matter how much we know.

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It matters what we do with what we know.

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You can know everything you can know
just about all there is to know.

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But if you do not execute on.

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Um, what, you know, then nothing happens.

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There's no movement, there's no progress.

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Right.

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Welcome a board.

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Uh, it is a maximum of seven
degrees today here in a.

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The national capital of Australia, where
we live, it's going to be seven degrees.

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And for my many sins, I'm coaching a
under 16 division two soccer today.

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So I will be spending
part of my afternoon.

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Braving hypothermia.

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On the frozen wasteland Tundra
pitches of, uh, of Canberra.

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So that's my day ahead.

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But, uh, this is going to be.

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One of the best parts of my day,
spending some time with you guys

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and bringing some encouragement.

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And today we're going to do what we love
to do, which is a listener question,

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which is always, I think the best content.

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Um, before we start, please
make sure you subscribed.

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If you are not a subscriber to this
podcast, it would be a huge blessing.

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If you could hit that subscribe button.

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Wherever you're listening
on your podcast app.

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And if you could leave a review.

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Hit that.

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Uh, five-star review and leave a comment.

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It makes a huge difference.

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The way these systems are set up, it's
all about the algorithms and my heart.

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I do all this for free.

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My heart is just to reach
more and more people.

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So your help in that would
be greatly appreciated.

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And as always go and check out the
description here, the show notes,

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because in there you're going to find
the links across to the YouTube channel.

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So I do the podcast version here that
I jump across to the YouTube channel.

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Say, go and check out the YouTube
version and you can book me to speak.

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If you would like me to come and work
with your business, your school, your

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church group, your organization, wherever.

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You have a position of
influence or leadership.

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Um, please go and check out that
speaking link and make an inquiry there.

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And we can talk about
how you can get me there.

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Live.

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To come and work with, uh,
with your organizations or

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friends, let's jump in today.

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We have a really
interesting question from a.

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From a lady who holds a senior
leadership position at a.

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At a really a him.

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You know, uh, influential, uh, school.

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And, um, I had the pleasure of hearing
from her over the years and, um, she

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does great work there and she's really
getting a close look at some of the

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challenges that our young people face and.

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We're going to talk about her question
and then we're going to talk about.

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How, what she's asking
actually impacts all of us.

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So.

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You know, the lessons that we're
going to share today really

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extrapolate out to all our lives.

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So here's the question
she says, hi Jonathan.

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As a teacher.

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I am seeing more and more
young people despondent after

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lockdowns and interruptions.

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To their normal routines, social
interactions and rites of passage.

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Any advice on how to
handle that would be great.

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All right, let's do this.

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Let's repair.

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Let's unpack the question.

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Well, what we are seeing is
a whole generation of young

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people profoundly impacted.

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By the, uh, how do I
even frame this by the.

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Reprehensible policies of many
elected officials and, uh, public

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health bureaucrats that, uh, have
in my humble opinion for what it's

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worth, you are free to disagree.

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Of course.

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Um, have done, uh, unspeakable damage
to vast sections of our community.

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I think it's actually to
the very fabric of our.

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Social cohesion across
the developed world.

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And I think history will look back and
judge these people extremely harshly.

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For what has taken place.

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And so what this question is getting at
is the incredible impact on young people,

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the disruption of schooling education.

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Uh, and of course, as this question
frames for a seer, the, the rites of

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passage, the graduations, the social
interactions, and for me, coaching.

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Teenagers at the moment in
sport, you really see this, you

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know, you really get to see.

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Um, in, in many subtle and not
so subtle ways, young people.

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Uh, really struggling.

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Were they struggling before COVID course?

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I mean, you know, adolescence has never
particularly easy time for anybody.

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But, uh, I think even before COVID,
there was so many things happening.

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I think social media has had a
huge effect and impact on young

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people, their socialization.

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I remember reading an article years
ago that, um, Uh, young people.

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Uh, you know, meeting in person less and
less, they're actually their level of

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social contact, you know, for most of us
when we were young, you'd meet up places.

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Right.

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You'd get into all sorts of trouble.

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Doing things you probably weren't
supposed to be doing, but at least

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you were doing them in person.

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And you know, so often now young
people are just not having, or even

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before COVID, weren't having that
level of social interaction, physical

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movement, all that sort of stuff.

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That was.

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That was probably so common before that.

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Now I don't want to sound like I'm,
you know, the, uh, the 48 year old

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dad of teenage kids here, sort of,
you know, shouting at the clouds, as

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they say, complaining about the world.

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Uh, I'm sure all throughout history.

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You know, there's, there's been challenges
for young people, but I think it is a

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different time that we're living in.

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And, um, you know, even today, Karen,
still away with, uh, with our daughters.

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In Queensland.

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And so Aiden and I are at home and he's
got some friends coming over today.

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And normally what these guys try
and do is, um, Is sit in front

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of Minecraft and stuff all day.

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So I've already organized.

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The day to take them out to a
gymnastics park, uh, straight

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after I get out of here.

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And then I'm going to take them on
a long hike up a very large hill.

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And, uh, if they're still moving at the
end of that, we'll, uh, we'll, we'll

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allow some screen time, but I just think,
um, before I rip deeper into this great

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question that, uh, you know, we have
to be so active and proactive, I think

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with young people at the moment and
creating environments and situations.

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Where they can interact and
move and be physical and build

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and try things and do things.

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So.

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So let's talk more about this
question, this despondency, how

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do we get despondent in life?

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How do young people get despondent?

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I think it ties into the psychological
principle of learned helplessness.

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So many of you be familiar with the
concept of learned helplessness,

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which is it'd be sort of, it came
from actual labs studies on rats.

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They put rats in a cage and from memory,
the original learn helplessness, uh,

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experiments involved, mild electric
shocks to rats, and they could.

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Press a lever to turn the shocks
off and they tweak the experiment.

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So eventually one group of rats
realize that nothing they did.

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Change the circumstance for
them that the shocks continued.

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And of course what happened.

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Is the, the rats that could
change their circumstance.

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Uh, sort of had much better levels
of health and all that sort of stuff.

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And obviously they were testing
all the chemicals and hormones.

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Uh, in, in the animals and the
ones that could control the

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circumstance to some degree.

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We're doing okay.

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And the ones that couldn't, um, ended up
having all sorts of extremely negative

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physiological outcomes, because they had
this experience of learned helplessness

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there, this experience that why bother,
why try and nothing, nothing happens.

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There's nothing we can do
to change the situation.

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I think this is the
heart of the despondency.

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That many young people
have been experiencing.

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It's like, That they are put into
situations where their agency and their

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power has been removed profoundly.

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And they'd be very isolated.

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So let's extrapolate the
principle for all of us in life.

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If we have had experiences
of nothing, we do works.

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Why bother trying?

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We move into this learned
helplessness modality.

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Which I think there's also a deeper.

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Physiol a philosophical underpinning to
this, which would be nihilism itself.

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So nihilism is essentially.

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I would argue the underpinning.

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Philosophical social cultural,
current underpinning society.

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Um, when you look at the loss
of faith practice, Especially

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in the developed world.

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You know, As the philosopher famously
said, David Hume that, you know,

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nature, abhors a vacuum that once people
were practicing faith less, we didn't

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press on into this magical secular.

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Utopian unicorn fairy land.

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What we have stepped into is a kind
of nihilism that there is no meaning

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to anything that, that there is no
underpinning order or purpose to reality.

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And nihilism would also argue, of course,
that meaning is just socially constructed.

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So if you're listening to this going,
hang on, what are we doing here, Jonathan?

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You're you're you're you're
sharing all this different stuff.

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Yes.

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But I think there's a,
there's a coalescence here.

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I think COVID has effected the agency
of young people and broken their hearts.

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I think in many ways,

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But underpinning that.

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And even before it was this nihilism,
what is the meaning of life?

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What is the purpose of life?

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You know, For throughout history, I
guess young people, they wouldn't think

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too deeply about these questions because
until maybe four or 500 years ago, As a

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young person, your job was kind of too.

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To marry, to reproduce and to work.

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That's kind of what you did.

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There was, you didn't think too much about
the meaning of purpose of life, because

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it was just constructed immediately
around you, the, the village, the tribe

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required you to step into that current.

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So.

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Can you see the kind of
fragmentation that's happened?

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Eh,

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And I think this does extrapolate further.

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It extrapolates out into.

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Into many of our lives.

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Um, Karen and I have felt it in the
last few years with a lot of her

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family moving away and we've felt
this kind of isolation and, and

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looking for these bonds of connection.

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That's why I've been such a big
fan of the philosopher, Paul

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Kingsnorth because I think his work.

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On how these broken connections
and look at, even I'm just on that.

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Look at Johan hurries
book, lost connections.

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That's a really interesting book to read.

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About mental health.

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And I think it has a lot of implications,
both for young people and for all of us.

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That's so much of the mental
health epidemic, he would argue.

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Is, you know, it would be
difficult to suggest that the

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vast changes in mental health.

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Uh, purely neurochemical or environmental.

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Now I think they're environmental in
the sense, because we live in these

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more complex urbanized environments.

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But to suggest that humans have suddenly
undergone this huge neurochemical change

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that's driving depression and anxiety.

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I mean, he would say that.

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It's a, that's the title of the
book lost connections that there's

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a broken connections, broken social,
familial, tribal connections.

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It's one of the reasons why.

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You know, some people are still
obsessed with sport and their team

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because it's one of those few kinds
of tribal connections we still have.

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So where are we in this question?

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Let's listen to the question again,
I'm seeing more and more young people

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to respond enough to lock downs and
interruptions to their normal routines,

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social interactions and rites of passage.

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Rites of passage is such
a good statement there.

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Because, yeah.

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I mean, as humans, we are a deeply.

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Ritual and symbol, ritualistic
and symbolic people.

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We, you know, you look at.

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Go back to Jordan Peterson's original
Genesis lectures, 13 lectures.

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I mean, regardless of your faith
perspective, he does a phenomenal job

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at looking at the deep symbology in the
essence of what it means to be human.

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So rites of passage, I guess, for
young people, graduations a sense of

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moving from one thing to another, to
one phase of life, to another, which

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is such a central human experience.

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Even in prehistory, you know, their
initiation rights and all those

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processes by which young men and women
transitioned into the adult world.

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And the COVID overreaction
has obviously fractured that.

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00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:16,770
So what I've done so far is I
guess, outlined some of the problems

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learned helplessness, nihilism.

248
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Elaine agency a sense of why bother.

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So here is the second part.

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Everybody.

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What do we do?

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00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:27,210
Um, what do we do before I answer that?

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I do want to just finish that
extrapolation all of us, whether we're

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young people affected by COVID or not.

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All of us in life, I would imagine
have had experiences of despondency.

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Of.

257
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You know, depression possibly,
or why bother or I keep trying

258
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it, this and it doesn't work.

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And why bother?

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So I want to give you
a few thoughts on that.

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I think one of the best places to go.

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Is to look at the third
Viennese school of psychology.

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So Freud founds, the first VNS school,
young founds, the second Viennese school.

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And.

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Uh, Victor Frankel is seen as the
progenitor of the third Viennese school,

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which is logotherapy logo com logo
therapy coming from the word logos.

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Meaning, well, logos is hard
to translate, but it means the

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word, the story, the narrative.

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So Frankel's theory was very
much around the story that we

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tell ourselves about reality.

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Now, most of you would know Victor Frankel
of course, was a Jewish psychiatrist.

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Who was captured by the Nazis
in the second world war and

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prisoned in outfits saw.

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Um, many family members die and,
uh, his master work was that.

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He as a psychiatrist watched very,
very closely what happened to

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all the people there and people's
responses to the suffering and

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especially to the nihilistic abstract,
arbitrary nature of that suffering.

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So we're talking today about
young people who've gone from.

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You know, Uh, a sense of agency
and control to losing it and

280
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experiencing despondency, but
imagine the loss of agency and

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00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:05,280
control you would feel if you are a.

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Prosperous member of society you're
arrested by the Nazis and your entire

283
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life is just utterly destroyed.

284
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Your agency is completely removed.

285
00:14:16,710 --> 00:14:19,050
And you're experiencing
these radical circumstance.

286
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,870
This is the essence of
what Frankl focused upon.

287
00:14:22,590 --> 00:14:24,810
It was, what do people do
under these circumstances?

288
00:14:24,810 --> 00:14:30,180
What, what are the responses people
make and broadly he came down to a

289
00:14:30,210 --> 00:14:34,439
bifurcation, uh, Uh, kind of delineation
between two groups of people.

290
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You know, the first group of people were
the ones that could find no meaning.

291
00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:39,840
They could find no purpose
in their suffering.

292
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:40,830
They could find no.

293
00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:43,770
Essential logos behind it.

294
00:14:43,770 --> 00:14:46,770
It was arbitrary and random a
bit like the rats back in the

295
00:14:46,770 --> 00:14:48,180
learned helplessness experiments.

296
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:53,340
How do you leave if you are suffering
terribly and it just seems to you that

297
00:14:53,340 --> 00:14:54,630
there is no meaning and purpose to it.

298
00:14:54,630 --> 00:14:56,520
And he said, these people
just disintegrated.

299
00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:59,460
He said they would, they
would die very quickly.

300
00:14:59,460 --> 00:15:02,910
They would die of strange,
unusual conditions.

301
00:15:02,910 --> 00:15:05,130
They would, they would
take their own lives.

302
00:15:05,850 --> 00:15:07,710
I think you've got to the point
where that I come over, there was

303
00:15:07,710 --> 00:15:10,230
50, or that there's 500 people a day.

304
00:15:10,590 --> 00:15:14,610
I think it was 50 who would throw
themselves on the electric fences

305
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,380
just to end their suffering.

306
00:15:17,189 --> 00:15:20,460
So he said that under these
conditions, there was these groups

307
00:15:20,460 --> 00:15:23,730
of people that could not find
a purpose or a meaning to it.

308
00:15:23,730 --> 00:15:26,850
And he said, conversely, there
was a different group of people.

309
00:15:28,020 --> 00:15:31,800
The decided that there was a meaning
to what was happening and they

310
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,420
had to construct that meaning.

311
00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:34,410
So what Frankl did.

312
00:15:34,860 --> 00:15:35,970
Is he constructed a meaning.

313
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,470
He said, I have been placed here.

314
00:15:37,530 --> 00:15:39,930
The meaning of my suffering,
the meaning of me being in this

315
00:15:39,930 --> 00:15:41,490
environment is that I'm here.

316
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:43,410
To be a witness to this.

317
00:15:43,650 --> 00:15:45,270
And to teach it, I'm going to survive.

318
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:46,650
I will survive somehow.

319
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:49,020
And then I will teach the
world about what's happened

320
00:15:49,020 --> 00:15:49,920
here and what I've learned.

321
00:15:50,460 --> 00:15:55,439
And he would visualize himself in a
future sense, teaching in universities

322
00:15:55,439 --> 00:15:57,060
and explaining things to people.

323
00:15:57,300 --> 00:15:59,370
And then of course he
wrote his phenomenal book.

324
00:15:59,370 --> 00:16:00,689
Man's search for meaning.

325
00:16:01,770 --> 00:16:04,260
So this is the essence of
logotherapy, which means.

326
00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:08,160
For our students and for ourselves
under adversity and difficulty,

327
00:16:08,189 --> 00:16:11,880
we must find empowering meanings.

328
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,830
So what happens for most people as well?

329
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:15,510
There isn't one and people just.

330
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,710
Exit the arena.

331
00:16:16,740 --> 00:16:17,610
They just go there.

332
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:17,970
Isn't one.

333
00:16:17,970 --> 00:16:19,980
There's no meaning to this,
that, how could they possibly be?

334
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:20,790
Why am I suffering?

335
00:16:20,790 --> 00:16:21,870
Why is life like this?

336
00:16:22,710 --> 00:16:25,590
And what Frankl said is,
um, a couple of key points.

337
00:16:25,590 --> 00:16:28,260
One of them he said is when we
cannot change our circumstances, we

338
00:16:28,260 --> 00:16:30,150
are compelled to change ourselves.

339
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,900
When we cannot change our
circumstances, we must, we are

340
00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:36,870
compelled to change ourselves.

341
00:16:37,709 --> 00:16:43,079
So this is a deeply unpopular notion
in the postmodern secular world.

342
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:47,729
We have been highly
conditioned to find external.

343
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:54,389
Um, Causes of difficulty pain,
suffering, and unpleasant, and an

344
00:16:54,419 --> 00:16:55,709
unpleasantness and unhappiness.

345
00:16:56,279 --> 00:16:57,239
It's a victim culture.

346
00:16:57,239 --> 00:16:59,669
It's the minute something's
happened to me, somebody must be

347
00:16:59,669 --> 00:17:02,129
responsible and it's their fault.

348
00:17:02,549 --> 00:17:03,899
And I don't have agency.

349
00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:04,109
Now.

350
00:17:04,109 --> 00:17:07,740
I cannot act because of
this bad circumstance.

351
00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:11,280
So immediately, once you do
that, You externalize your

352
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,480
power, you surrender your power.

353
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,790
You give your power away to whatever.

354
00:17:15,450 --> 00:17:19,110
You know, government program, system,
whatever it is, whatever, wherever you

355
00:17:19,110 --> 00:17:25,620
find the source of suffering and whoever's
doing it to you, you will empower them.

356
00:17:26,340 --> 00:17:27,810
And I know some of you
are listening, going well.

357
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:28,860
What about real justice?

358
00:17:28,860 --> 00:17:30,420
What about when people
are doing bad things?

359
00:17:30,990 --> 00:17:35,340
Exactly would that that's we need to,
we can definitely fight real injustice

360
00:17:35,340 --> 00:17:40,170
in the real world, but we begin
by realizing that we have enormous

361
00:17:40,170 --> 00:17:44,250
agency, at least in the chant, in the
sense of how we choose our response.

362
00:17:44,580 --> 00:17:46,170
So you look at people like Gandhi.

363
00:17:46,950 --> 00:17:50,790
You know, who realized that
nonviolent re resistance.

364
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,890
Gave them enormous strength.

365
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,480
They didn't hate their enemies.

366
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,160
They didn't empower
their enemies with hate.

367
00:17:56,670 --> 00:17:59,730
They realize that they could
take a higher moral position.

368
00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:02,220
They could find a meaning
and a significance behind

369
00:18:02,220 --> 00:18:03,210
things that were happening.

370
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,879
And act in highly moral ways.

371
00:18:05,879 --> 00:18:09,300
And as we see in history, it can often
take a long time, but people like

372
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:11,520
that tend to really change reality.

373
00:18:11,939 --> 00:18:15,509
So this first principle from Franklin
is that, uh, when we cannot change our

374
00:18:15,509 --> 00:18:17,519
circumstances, we must change ourselves.

375
00:18:17,519 --> 00:18:19,979
I've been teaching this to
my teenage daughter lately.

376
00:18:19,979 --> 00:18:22,619
Who's already in that thing
of something's happening.

377
00:18:22,619 --> 00:18:24,749
And she's like, oh, I can't because of X.

378
00:18:25,289 --> 00:18:27,029
And I say no, but you
can choose your response.

379
00:18:27,029 --> 00:18:28,619
You can focus on a different path.

380
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:32,219
You can try a different strategy,
you can do something else.

381
00:18:32,219 --> 00:18:34,019
You can come up with a creative solution.

382
00:18:34,590 --> 00:18:35,790
And they don't want to hear it.

383
00:18:35,790 --> 00:18:35,969
Right.

384
00:18:35,969 --> 00:18:36,570
Like, she's great.

385
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,959
Like she's open to it eventually,
but teenagers and many of

386
00:18:39,959 --> 00:18:41,129
us don't want to hear that.

387
00:18:41,129 --> 00:18:44,370
We don't want to hear someone, you
know, when we're, when we're in a

388
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:47,639
sort of, what is it, a pity party when
we're in that sense of the world is

389
00:18:47,639 --> 00:18:49,110
terrible and we can't do anything.

390
00:18:49,139 --> 00:18:51,990
We don't want someone to say
to us, well, look, I get it.

391
00:18:51,990 --> 00:18:52,620
I understand.

392
00:18:52,620 --> 00:18:53,310
But you know what.

393
00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:55,860
That's the reality, where are we going?

394
00:18:56,460 --> 00:19:00,510
So Frank is telling us that when we
feel we can't change things, then

395
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:04,140
we have to change ourselves, our
perspective, our attitude, our energy.

396
00:19:04,470 --> 00:19:05,970
We have the power to do that.

397
00:19:06,510 --> 00:19:09,690
And he calls this the last
of the human freedoms.

398
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:12,990
So in the book, he sort of says the
Nazis could take everything from you.

399
00:19:13,170 --> 00:19:16,290
They could take your wealth, your
position, your family, your health,

400
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,690
your capacity to go to the bathroom.

401
00:19:18,810 --> 00:19:20,790
Everything could be
stripped from your clothes.

402
00:19:20,790 --> 00:19:22,440
You could be left naked,
you could be beaten.

403
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:26,610
But he said there was one
thing they could never take.

404
00:19:26,610 --> 00:19:29,490
And he referred to this thing as
the last of the human freedoms.

405
00:19:29,490 --> 00:19:33,150
It is the last freedom that every
human possesses that can never be taken

406
00:19:33,150 --> 00:19:35,190
away, which you said was simply this.

407
00:19:35,580 --> 00:19:38,250
The ability to choose our response.

408
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:41,370
The ability to choose our response.

409
00:19:41,730 --> 00:19:43,890
In any given circumstance.

410
00:19:44,610 --> 00:19:44,970
Now.

411
00:19:45,870 --> 00:19:48,240
Again, I don't think many
of us like to hear this.

412
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,240
We, we like to believe that
our unhappiness is caused

413
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:52,770
by an external agent.

414
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:56,460
And that if we could just get
justice against this external

415
00:19:56,460 --> 00:19:57,540
agent, our life would be better.

416
00:19:57,540 --> 00:19:58,020
I get it.

417
00:19:58,410 --> 00:20:01,890
I understand there's a, there's
a logic to it, but what Frankl

418
00:20:01,890 --> 00:20:05,160
reminds us of, and this is, I
really want to land this plane now.

419
00:20:05,250 --> 00:20:05,700
Um,

420
00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:08,100
He talks about the fact that.

421
00:20:09,180 --> 00:20:11,490
We are being questioned by life.

422
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:15,300
He said, what happens for most people is
that they look at the things that happened

423
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:17,310
to them and they feel that there is.

424
00:20:18,060 --> 00:20:21,870
Some mystical force that
wants, that wishes them ill.

425
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,720
And bad things are being done to them.

426
00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:28,290
But Frankel's perspective is he said,
we must realize at all times that

427
00:20:28,290 --> 00:20:30,240
we are being questioned by life.

428
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:35,550
We are being questioned by life than
in the adversity and the difficulty we

429
00:20:35,550 --> 00:20:37,920
are being questioned by life itself.

430
00:20:38,430 --> 00:20:42,750
So this goes to very deep questions about
the nature of suffering and the nature

431
00:20:42,750 --> 00:20:45,060
of reality does God punished as God.

432
00:20:45,570 --> 00:20:46,410
Test people.

433
00:20:46,410 --> 00:20:47,340
Why would that happen?

434
00:20:47,340 --> 00:20:49,890
Well, my only insights
would be that as a parent.

435
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:51,210
I know that.

436
00:20:51,810 --> 00:20:55,770
Allowing my kids to experience
difficulty and boredom and unhappiness

437
00:20:55,770 --> 00:20:59,460
and challenge and discomfort can be a
really good thing in the right context.

438
00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:03,150
You know, my son and I who's 12 and
a half, like we've been walking.

439
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,720
Uh, these mountains here
lately, I do it with heavy pack.

440
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,570
He does it with a lot of
one, but just, you know,

441
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,070
I got him a good set of boots.

442
00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:14,340
And now he's just in this habit of
like walking and doing hard things.

443
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:16,860
And I keep teaching doing hard
things, teaching him that he's

444
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:18,180
being tested and questioned.

445
00:21:18,180 --> 00:21:21,600
So as a parent, I responsibly
placed him in difficult

446
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:23,610
circumstances so that he grows.

447
00:21:24,060 --> 00:21:26,940
So let's keep coming back to
the original question here.

448
00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:28,530
What am I saying to these students?

449
00:21:29,670 --> 00:21:33,930
What I'm saying to students who are,
who have been deeply affected by COVID.

450
00:21:34,649 --> 00:21:37,200
Would be to say this step one, acceptance.

451
00:21:37,230 --> 00:21:38,010
It has happened.

452
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:38,910
It has happened.

453
00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:43,199
I still feel a lot of bitterness and
anger about a lot of what's happened,

454
00:21:43,199 --> 00:21:45,030
but I have to accept that it is reality.

455
00:21:45,060 --> 00:21:46,379
So the first step is acceptance.

456
00:21:46,379 --> 00:21:49,649
This is the raw material of
life that we have been handed.

457
00:21:49,649 --> 00:21:50,610
If you are a student,

458
00:21:51,149 --> 00:21:53,759
And you feel that life has
been turned upside down.

459
00:21:53,759 --> 00:21:57,269
I agree with you this, but this is
the raw material we have to work with.

460
00:21:57,929 --> 00:21:59,729
The second thing I'd say to students.

461
00:21:59,729 --> 00:22:01,139
And again, to all of us is that.

462
00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:04,589
Under these circumstances,
we must choose our response.

463
00:22:05,219 --> 00:22:06,629
What is the compelling meaning?

464
00:22:06,779 --> 00:22:07,529
Well, here's one.

465
00:22:07,529 --> 00:22:09,329
I'm not saying it's the
right one, but if I was.

466
00:22:09,869 --> 00:22:12,629
If I was coaching or speaking
to a group of students, I'd say,

467
00:22:12,659 --> 00:22:14,309
yep, you didn't sign up for this.

468
00:22:14,339 --> 00:22:16,589
You did not sign up for
it, but here's the point?

469
00:22:16,589 --> 00:22:17,579
What are you going to do?

470
00:22:18,089 --> 00:22:20,579
Maybe this happened to make you tougher.

471
00:22:20,609 --> 00:22:22,949
Maybe this happened to
make you work harder.

472
00:22:23,159 --> 00:22:27,509
Maybe this happened because you're going
to have to seize life by the shirt front

473
00:22:27,509 --> 00:22:29,249
and shake it for everything it's got.

474
00:22:29,489 --> 00:22:31,589
Maybe this is just the test.

475
00:22:31,589 --> 00:22:35,519
Maybe you just have to grow and
push and change and be proactive.

476
00:22:36,029 --> 00:22:39,719
And reach out more and organize more
meetups with friends and do this and

477
00:22:39,719 --> 00:22:41,309
do that and push and push and push.

478
00:22:41,579 --> 00:22:42,959
And of course, most people don't.

479
00:22:43,619 --> 00:22:46,889
Why not because it is
so much easier to blame.

480
00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:49,979
It is so much easier
to stay in despondency.

481
00:22:49,979 --> 00:22:52,919
It is much more difficult and
that's what Frankl teaches us.

482
00:22:52,949 --> 00:22:54,869
It's why there's so few
people that do this.

483
00:22:55,529 --> 00:22:57,029
That we have to press on.

484
00:22:57,029 --> 00:22:58,289
We have to find the meaning.

485
00:22:58,679 --> 00:23:00,869
So if I was standing in front
of a group of students, I would,

486
00:23:00,989 --> 00:23:02,819
I would honor their experience.

487
00:23:03,149 --> 00:23:05,669
I would teach them
principles of acceptance.

488
00:23:06,239 --> 00:23:09,269
Because once you accept, then you are.

489
00:23:09,539 --> 00:23:13,889
You can become more free of
the bitterness and despondency.

490
00:23:14,669 --> 00:23:16,289
And then I would say to them, what now?

491
00:23:17,069 --> 00:23:17,819
What now?

492
00:23:18,569 --> 00:23:21,269
What would you teach someone
in the same circumstance?

493
00:23:21,599 --> 00:23:22,799
What would you teach somebody?

494
00:23:22,799 --> 00:23:23,579
I'd say to the students.

495
00:23:23,579 --> 00:23:23,849
Okay.

496
00:23:24,149 --> 00:23:28,379
I imagine 30, 40, 50 years from now,
something like this has happened again.

497
00:23:28,379 --> 00:23:29,399
What would you teach people?

498
00:23:29,399 --> 00:23:30,449
What would you do differently?

499
00:23:30,449 --> 00:23:31,169
What would you tell them?

500
00:23:31,169 --> 00:23:31,829
You learned.

501
00:23:32,789 --> 00:23:36,089
Because otherwise we
just stay stuck or worse.

502
00:23:36,089 --> 00:23:36,989
We go backwards.

503
00:23:38,069 --> 00:23:40,499
And I'd say another thing,
one of the last things is.

504
00:23:41,879 --> 00:23:45,179
I would say to young people and
again, through them to all of us,

505
00:23:45,179 --> 00:23:47,039
when you are trapped in despondency.

506
00:23:47,459 --> 00:23:48,659
Tri service.

507
00:23:49,859 --> 00:23:53,489
When you feel really stuck in life and
you don't know how to move forward.

508
00:23:54,239 --> 00:23:58,049
It's very easy to shrink our
world to our own reality.

509
00:23:58,139 --> 00:24:02,549
It's very easy to shrink our world to
our own pain and sense of injustice.

510
00:24:03,269 --> 00:24:06,779
But as we begin to move out of that,
as we choose to move out of that

511
00:24:06,779 --> 00:24:08,309
and focus on the needs of others.

512
00:24:08,609 --> 00:24:09,839
There's a strange.

513
00:24:10,409 --> 00:24:14,939
Cosmic reality, that takes place often
our pain and uncertainty is lifted.

514
00:24:15,629 --> 00:24:18,299
The more that we seek to
serve those around us.

515
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:21,179
I would say to young people
find a way to radically serve.

516
00:24:21,539 --> 00:24:24,389
I would say, find a way to
meet the needs of other people.

517
00:24:24,389 --> 00:24:27,989
Find the way to honor your teachers find
the way to care for your own family.

518
00:24:28,649 --> 00:24:31,529
Find the way you want to get an a T
I'd say this, you want to get revenge.

519
00:24:31,769 --> 00:24:34,109
You want to get revenge on the
people that did this to you.

520
00:24:34,109 --> 00:24:36,449
Well, here's how you do it live well.

521
00:24:36,719 --> 00:24:38,729
Here's how you get revenge live.

522
00:24:38,759 --> 00:24:43,079
Well, the way that you get revenge
on the wickedness, that's been

523
00:24:43,079 --> 00:24:47,159
perpetuated on so many young people
in so many of us is to live well.

524
00:24:47,729 --> 00:24:48,179
Is too.

525
00:24:48,659 --> 00:24:52,949
Find ways to make something of
ourselves find ways to overcome

526
00:24:52,979 --> 00:24:54,179
what has been done to us.

527
00:24:54,179 --> 00:24:55,919
That is the sweetest.

528
00:24:55,919 --> 00:24:59,039
Revenge, not bitterness,
not hatred, not punishment.

529
00:24:59,429 --> 00:25:03,539
But the sweetest revenge is to make
something magnificent of your life.

530
00:25:03,569 --> 00:25:04,979
Under these circumstances.

531
00:25:05,339 --> 00:25:06,449
I mean, I'll look at Frankel.

532
00:25:06,839 --> 00:25:09,269
And I look at a guy who
just suffered terribly.

533
00:25:09,599 --> 00:25:14,159
And had every reason to be full of
bitterness and rage, but what did he do?

534
00:25:14,279 --> 00:25:16,979
He made something
extraordinary of his life.

535
00:25:17,309 --> 00:25:21,119
He built a life radical service
and communication and blessing

536
00:25:21,299 --> 00:25:22,919
and wisdom and insight.

537
00:25:22,919 --> 00:25:25,739
And I would say to every young person,
these are the choices you face.

538
00:25:26,699 --> 00:25:29,849
You can spend the next five to 10
years blaming the system for why

539
00:25:29,849 --> 00:25:33,179
you didn't get into this course or
why you struggle with this thing.

540
00:25:34,079 --> 00:25:35,339
But I look at a guy what's his name?

541
00:25:35,369 --> 00:25:37,709
Ben Carson ran for us president.

542
00:25:38,129 --> 00:25:41,699
The first guy in the world
to separate conjoined Siamese

543
00:25:41,699 --> 00:25:43,469
twins at the brain level.

544
00:25:43,919 --> 00:25:46,979
One of the greatest neurosurgeons
in, in human history.

545
00:25:47,879 --> 00:25:52,349
And a guy who grew up with huge
learning difficulties in a single parent

546
00:25:52,349 --> 00:25:54,569
home in a Detroit housing project.

547
00:25:55,019 --> 00:25:58,319
And taught himself to read in
public libraries and went on to

548
00:25:58,319 --> 00:26:01,529
operate at the highest levels of
culture and influence why, because

549
00:26:01,529 --> 00:26:02,879
that's how he got his revenge.

550
00:26:03,329 --> 00:26:05,639
He looked at everything that had been
done to him and everything that had

551
00:26:05,639 --> 00:26:09,719
been handed to him and somehow by the
grace of god and his own cooperation

552
00:26:09,719 --> 00:26:15,059
with grace He chose a higher path So
i'm going to stop now because i'll

553
00:26:15,059 --> 00:26:16,469
just keep going on and on and on.

554
00:26:17,429 --> 00:26:20,969
But i thank you for this question It is
true that our young people are facing

555
00:26:20,969 --> 00:26:25,109
despondency after all these interruptions
but the story doesn't have to end there

556
00:26:25,649 --> 00:26:31,289
So i would say practically to every young
person Identify what you want Identify

557
00:26:31,289 --> 00:26:35,549
what you want to contribute and who needs
your help and then go and make something

558
00:26:35,549 --> 00:26:41,279
of your life get your revenge by making
something magnificent of your life It's

559
00:26:41,279 --> 00:26:44,999
going to be hard you have to do hard
things we all have to do hard things

560
00:26:44,999 --> 00:26:48,840
if you want to grow It's much easier
to live in blame my friends it is the

561
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:53,910
religion of the day Nihilism and blame
And i'm not playing That game i'm not

562
00:26:53,910 --> 00:26:57,330
living in that place i'm just not doing
it i want more from my life I want more

563
00:26:57,360 --> 00:27:01,590
for my family or more for you all right
please make sure you've subscribed go and

564
00:27:01,590 --> 00:27:03,210
hit that subscribe button now this is.

565
00:27:03,690 --> 00:27:07,200
Uh if you've liked this episode i'd love
you to share it just flick it onto a few

566
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,140
friends and say hey listen to this send
it to their kids we weren't going to get

567
00:27:10,170 --> 00:27:14,550
some kids listening to this Um please
jump across to the youtube version leave a

568
00:27:14,550 --> 00:27:19,140
comment there if you like or you can email
me direct jonathan jonathan doyle.co.

569
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:23,880
Uh, Check out the links here Book me to
speak get free access to my book bridging

570
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:27,660
the gap of god bless everybody i want you
to get off this podcast now i don't want

571
00:27:27,690 --> 00:27:30,930
you to take some small steps forward and
i want you to go out and make something

572
00:27:30,930 --> 00:27:34,860
magnificent of your life god bless
everybody my name's jonathan doyle i'll

573
00:27:34,860 --> 00:27:36,780
have another message for you tomorrow