1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,701 That guilt you feel when you rest, it is not proof that you haven't done enough. 2 00:00:03,701 --> 00:00:07,081 It is proof, however, that you have been conditioned and groomed for 3 00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:11,681 years and years by a system that really needed you to keep going. 4 00:00:12,885 --> 00:00:16,025 You don't earn your right to rest by working. 5 00:00:16,533 --> 00:00:19,633 You earn the ability to work by resting. 6 00:00:20,033 --> 00:00:23,694 And in high-stress, high-stakes jobs, nothing is ever really finished. 7 00:00:23,733 --> 00:00:25,073 There's always more that can be done. 8 00:00:26,441 --> 00:00:31,641 The superhero delusion was installed by a system that needed you to believe it, 9 00:00:31,681 --> 00:00:34,181 because guess who it benefits, right? 10 00:00:34,581 --> 00:00:35,602 Doesn't benefit you. 11 00:00:38,795 --> 00:00:40,976 A couple of days ago, I got back from annual leave. 12 00:00:41,035 --> 00:00:42,776 I'd been to the theater with some friends. 13 00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:47,910 I'd had a really brilliant day, and I came home, and I sat down in 14 00:00:47,929 --> 00:00:51,440 the garden with my husband with a cup of tea and just started to chat. 15 00:00:51,549 --> 00:00:55,450 But within about two minutes, I started to feel really guilty 16 00:00:56,141 --> 00:00:58,530 Because I knew I'd left some tasks unfinished, I knew there was a 17 00:00:58,570 --> 00:01:03,121 backlog, I knew I needed to record this podcast episode, and it was 18 00:01:03,161 --> 00:01:06,361 just in the back of my brain making me feel like, "Oh, my word, am I allowed 19 00:01:06,381 --> 00:01:10,082 to sit down and chat and have a cup of tea after I've been off all day?" 20 00:01:10,829 --> 00:01:13,129 But it was a day of annual leave 21 00:01:13,806 --> 00:01:15,526 And this isn't the first time this has happened to me. 22 00:01:15,626 --> 00:01:20,227 A few weeks ago, uh, my daughter was watching TV on a Sunday afternoon, and 23 00:01:20,306 --> 00:01:24,804 I sat down with her and watched an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine I knew 24 00:01:24,844 --> 00:01:27,445 she'd been really stressed about her GCSEs, and I thought, "Well, wouldn't 25 00:01:27,465 --> 00:01:31,524 it be nice just to sit and do something with her?" So I excused it in my 26 00:01:31,564 --> 00:01:35,544 head, but I'm, I'm here, I'm supporting her, and actually I really enjoyed it 27 00:01:35,944 --> 00:01:39,924 It was really nice just to rest and have a bit of a laugh, but I needed 28 00:01:39,964 --> 00:01:42,324 the excuse that I was doing it for her. 29 00:01:42,724 --> 00:01:44,897 Doing it for me just wasn't enough. 30 00:01:45,297 --> 00:01:50,478 So when did you last rest without a reason that justified it to 31 00:01:50,557 --> 00:01:52,677 yourself or to other people? 32 00:01:53,077 --> 00:01:56,117 Now, whether you're a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, or a senior 33 00:01:56,157 --> 00:02:00,505 leader, if you've ever felt that you needed a justification for stopping 34 00:02:00,817 --> 00:02:03,300 or for this episode is for you. 35 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:05,607 Now, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. 36 00:02:05,637 --> 00:02:09,637 It's that little voice that says, " Well, if I don't do it, who else will?" 37 00:02:09,677 --> 00:02:14,117 And there's that nagging feeling that something catastrophic is about to if 38 00:02:14,157 --> 00:02:17,515 you're not just constantly scanning your to-do list, making sure you've 39 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:21,346 not missed anything, or made sure you've met all your deadlines and 40 00:02:21,417 --> 00:02:23,037 made sure everyone else is happy. 41 00:02:23,926 --> 00:02:28,066 And this little voice, it runs this audit of whether you've done enough, 42 00:02:28,346 --> 00:02:31,746 have you been useful, have you been responsible enough, have you done 43 00:02:31,786 --> 00:02:35,526 everything that everyone expects you to before you sit down and before you rest? 44 00:02:36,047 --> 00:02:40,627 every doctor, every vet, every senior nurse, every person who chose a 45 00:02:40,647 --> 00:02:46,567 profession with real stakes, with real consequences, with real uncertainty, 46 00:02:46,607 --> 00:02:50,727 you've all got versions of this story, and the story's almost identical. 47 00:02:51,187 --> 00:02:56,047 Now, we did a survey of over 600 healthcare professionals, and almost one 48 00:02:56,087 --> 00:03:00,647 in three said that they lie awake worrying about whether they or their team will be 49 00:03:00,707 --> 00:03:03,067 able to cope with the future workload. 50 00:03:03,107 --> 00:03:07,597 And actually, only 7% said that there was nothing in particular that 51 00:03:07,627 --> 00:03:09,107 woke them up at night about work. 52 00:03:09,347 --> 00:03:10,487 Only 7%. 53 00:03:11,363 --> 00:03:15,583 But the rest of us, constantly thinking about work, and also constantly on the go. 54 00:03:15,983 --> 00:03:20,803 And the question I want to ask today is this: What is it all actually for? 55 00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:22,243 Why do we do it? 56 00:03:22,966 --> 00:03:25,926 And yes, we could say it's the workload, and yeah, it is the 57 00:03:25,966 --> 00:03:29,126 workload, and there is always too much to do, and that's the problem. 58 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:33,319 But I think we've got the logic backwards, and once you see 59 00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:35,819 it, it's really hard to unsee. 60 00:03:36,219 --> 00:03:39,379 So here's the sequence that most of us operate from. 61 00:03:39,499 --> 00:03:40,579 So we work. 62 00:03:40,999 --> 00:03:44,739 We need to have done enough work or produced enough output, and then 63 00:03:44,779 --> 00:03:49,501 we can rest when we've earned the right to, and then we can stop. 64 00:03:50,059 --> 00:03:53,730 And it, it feels reasonable, it feels responsible, but 65 00:03:53,790 --> 00:03:55,570 it's completely backwards. 66 00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:57,200 You could think about it this way. 67 00:03:57,260 --> 00:04:03,036 Before a long flight, the ground crew will check the fuel, not- Before 68 00:04:03,136 --> 00:04:08,117 takeoff, not after takeoff, not somewhere mid-Atlantic when you can sort of see 69 00:04:08,177 --> 00:04:13,616 the gauge dropping, but before because it's not easy to refuel mid-flight 70 00:04:14,016 --> 00:04:17,516 You need to know you've got enough energy for what you need for the 71 00:04:17,616 --> 00:04:20,436 flight before you leave the ground, or the flight doesn't happen. 72 00:04:20,456 --> 00:04:23,157 And believe me, I've sat on planes where we have waited 'cause there has 73 00:04:23,177 --> 00:04:24,605 not been enough fuel put on the plane 74 00:04:25,017 --> 00:04:28,297 But let's apply that to how you've been running your working week. 75 00:04:28,677 --> 00:04:32,157 If you're anything like me, you might be taking off on a quarter of a tank and then 76 00:04:32,477 --> 00:04:37,494 planning to refuel somewhere mid-Atlantic every week, and then wondering why 77 00:04:37,533 --> 00:04:39,713 you're running on fumes by Thursday. 78 00:04:40,256 --> 00:04:43,396 You don't earn your right to rest by working. 79 00:04:43,796 --> 00:04:46,896 You earn the ability to work by resting. 80 00:04:47,296 --> 00:04:50,957 And in high-stress, high-stakes jobs, nothing is ever really finished. 81 00:04:50,996 --> 00:04:53,677 There's always more that can be done, more that needs to be 82 00:04:53,736 --> 00:04:56,036 done, more which you could be doing. 83 00:04:56,436 --> 00:05:00,735 And if your permission to rest is earned from doing enough, you're going 84 00:05:00,795 --> 00:05:04,675 to waiting for that permission a very long time, and you've been waiting, 85 00:05:04,925 --> 00:05:07,465 for permission that is never gonna arrive 86 00:05:07,865 --> 00:05:11,625 So why do we keep running this sequence that actually doesn't work? 87 00:05:12,025 --> 00:05:12,925 It's not random. 88 00:05:13,084 --> 00:05:18,364 It has been installed in you, literally programmed into us from a very young age. 89 00:05:18,404 --> 00:05:21,505 And I'd actually go a bit further and say that we have been groomed. 90 00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:24,425 Because I don't know about you, all my life I've been judged 91 00:05:24,446 --> 00:05:26,446 by my output my entire career 92 00:05:26,846 --> 00:05:29,447 If I've worked hard enough, if I've done well enough, if I've passed 93 00:05:29,467 --> 00:05:32,546 the exams, finished the project, if I've made sure that everybody's 94 00:05:32,647 --> 00:05:36,446 happy, nobody needs anything, then I've earned the right to stop 95 00:05:36,846 --> 00:05:40,787 And that's what's on every school report or every appraisal, every 96 00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,180 rota, every performance review. 97 00:05:43,446 --> 00:05:44,987 Do the work and then you can rest. 98 00:05:45,006 --> 00:05:51,105 And it's so deeply embedded in us that rest without prior sufficient work and 99 00:05:51,305 --> 00:05:53,666 output, it feels like you're cheating 100 00:05:54,066 --> 00:05:57,766 And it doesn't just feel naughty, but for some of us, it feels like we are 101 00:05:57,826 --> 00:06:00,086 shirking our professional responsibility. 102 00:06:00,486 --> 00:06:04,367 And so every day for a high achiever feels like an exam. 103 00:06:04,637 --> 00:06:07,456 Now, my daughter's revising for her GCSEs right now, and she will 104 00:06:07,616 --> 00:06:11,835 absolutely deserve a massive long break and a rest when it's over. 105 00:06:12,235 --> 00:06:15,394 But for high-stress, high-stakes professionals, 106 00:06:15,644 --> 00:06:19,184 you're running as fast as you can just to stay still quite often. 107 00:06:19,584 --> 00:06:24,144 Or keeping things safe requires, like, maximum, maximum effort, and there's still 108 00:06:24,205 --> 00:06:27,984 loads and loads of people who need you and you just don't have capacity for. 109 00:06:28,384 --> 00:06:32,964 The problem is th-the need at the moment, it always seems to be 110 00:06:33,024 --> 00:06:37,605 outstripping the supply The demand is outstripping the resources 111 00:06:38,005 --> 00:06:41,125 And the lists don't clear, the inbox keeps building up and up and 112 00:06:41,166 --> 00:06:44,505 up, and the permission for you to stop will, it will never arrive 113 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:49,486 Because your own conditions for stopping and resting are never met And 114 00:06:49,686 --> 00:06:54,186 so rest for us becomes a real treat, something that we look forward to on 115 00:06:54,426 --> 00:06:59,727 holiday or maybe weekends if, if the weekend is clear enough, or it 116 00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:01,827 can only happen when things ease off. 117 00:07:01,947 --> 00:07:04,168 But things don't ease off, and you know that. 118 00:07:04,227 --> 00:07:05,388 They just don't, do they? 119 00:07:05,788 --> 00:07:09,928 And unfortunately, we kid ourselves that we can keep going whatever the cost. 120 00:07:10,008 --> 00:07:12,189 Now, I call this the superhero delusion. 121 00:07:12,589 --> 00:07:15,888 not because it's delusional to really care about what you do and care about 122 00:07:15,928 --> 00:07:20,350 your job or to take on responsibility, of course not, but because it's a belief 123 00:07:20,389 --> 00:07:25,790 that you specifically are the exception to normal human physiology and functioning, 124 00:07:26,190 --> 00:07:30,890 and that the rules about rest, they apply to other people, but not you 125 00:07:31,290 --> 00:07:35,190 And the superhero delusion says, " I'm the exception to the laws of nature. 126 00:07:35,310 --> 00:07:38,790 I can take off on a quarter of a tank, and I can keep flying without 127 00:07:38,850 --> 00:07:44,049 refueling." And in fact, uh, people that we've been talking to in, in our 128 00:07:44,108 --> 00:07:47,868 workshops say, "Well, I know I can't, but other people tell me I have to, 129 00:07:48,349 --> 00:07:51,328 so I have to." But that just doesn't make any sense, does it, either? 130 00:07:51,728 --> 00:07:54,048 Because the thinking is, well, other people need rest, 131 00:07:54,298 --> 00:07:56,239 But I can probably push through and I'll be fine. 132 00:07:56,398 --> 00:07:57,538 I'll rest when I get there. 133 00:07:57,938 --> 00:08:00,378 And here's the thing about the superhero delusion. 134 00:08:01,676 --> 00:08:04,908 You don't have this thinking because of arrogance. 135 00:08:05,555 --> 00:08:08,757 It's not because you think you're somehow special, but this program 136 00:08:08,798 --> 00:08:10,137 and the way of behaving has 137 00:08:10,177 --> 00:08:16,056 been installed in us through years and years of high-stakes work stopping 138 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:19,657 sometimes really did have consequences, and sometimes it still does. 139 00:08:20,057 --> 00:08:21,196 But let's not kid ourselves. 140 00:08:21,296 --> 00:08:25,356 Just because there are important consequences to not doing things, 141 00:08:25,456 --> 00:08:27,677 it doesn't mean that you'll suddenly miraculously get 142 00:08:27,737 --> 00:08:30,056 extra time or get extra energy. 143 00:08:30,456 --> 00:08:33,816 The problem is I think that you've made all that your problem, and you've just 144 00:08:33,936 --> 00:08:39,257 absorbed the extra effort that's needed rather than passing it up the chain 145 00:08:39,657 --> 00:08:44,297 To the people that needed to commission more people for this service, or 146 00:08:44,478 --> 00:08:46,637 ask less or give you more resources. 147 00:08:47,037 --> 00:08:49,557 But somehow you've made it your problem, and when somebody 148 00:08:49,637 --> 00:08:51,137 needed you, you showed up. 149 00:08:51,177 --> 00:08:54,858 When the rota was really short, you covered it, and when the patient or 150 00:08:54,878 --> 00:08:59,978 the client in front of you needed your full attention, you gave it regardless 151 00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:01,818 of how you were doing and how you felt. 152 00:09:02,070 --> 00:09:07,437 So the superhero delusion was installed by a system that needed you to believe 153 00:09:07,497 --> 00:09:10,157 it, guess who it benefits, right? 154 00:09:10,557 --> 00:09:11,578 Doesn't benefit you 155 00:09:11,839 --> 00:09:15,839 Like who doesn't want a teacher who goes the extra mile for their pupils or a 156 00:09:15,879 --> 00:09:18,299 doctor who just fits somebody else in? 157 00:09:18,699 --> 00:09:22,359 But when that becomes just the norm all the time, it's not sustainable 158 00:09:22,419 --> 00:09:24,100 despite what we'd like to believe. 159 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,999 Something has gotta give 160 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:29,619 You know, our systems weren't wrong in telling us that 161 00:09:29,659 --> 00:09:31,039 the work that we do matters. 162 00:09:31,439 --> 00:09:37,239 What they've been wrong about is not instilling in us that we also matter 163 00:09:37,639 --> 00:09:42,000 Because in the long run, the outcome is that no work will get done when 164 00:09:42,099 --> 00:09:43,899 people burn out or they leave. 165 00:09:44,299 --> 00:09:45,900 That serves nobody at all 166 00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:51,074 But there's another layer underneath this, and it can feel a bit uncomfortable. 167 00:09:51,479 --> 00:09:55,699 Even when we could rest, we just give our rest away to other people. 168 00:09:55,759 --> 00:09:59,219 So we think, "Well, our children deserve it more. They're exhausted." So we 169 00:09:59,259 --> 00:10:02,219 cook dinner, empty the dishwasher, do the washing while they watch telly 170 00:10:02,619 --> 00:10:04,438 Even if we've just come in the door. 171 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:09,138 That's definitely happened to me on my knees, but not wanting to make a fuss, 172 00:10:09,538 --> 00:10:11,898 Not wanting to appear selfish or needy 173 00:10:12,298 --> 00:10:14,798 Or we think that, well, our colleagues, our teammates deserve it more 174 00:10:14,858 --> 00:10:16,818 because they've also had a hard week. 175 00:10:17,298 --> 00:10:21,458 And of course, our patients and our clients, they deserve our best. 176 00:10:21,518 --> 00:10:24,878 So we save whatever's left of our energy for them as well, 177 00:10:25,148 --> 00:10:28,128 And we are last on the list, and that's another thing we've been groomed to think, 178 00:10:28,188 --> 00:10:30,928 that actually everybody else comes first 179 00:10:31,317 --> 00:10:34,277 was groomed to think that I should always, always, always make the care 180 00:10:34,336 --> 00:10:38,797 of the patient my first concern, which turns into whatever the 181 00:10:38,856 --> 00:10:40,786 patient wanted Without any boundaries 182 00:10:41,186 --> 00:10:46,506 And here, what is being weaponized against us is our conscientiousness, 183 00:10:46,906 --> 00:10:49,426 which is exactly what we needed to get into these positions in 184 00:10:49,445 --> 00:10:50,802 the first place quite often. 185 00:10:51,246 --> 00:10:53,766 And sometimes underneath that conscientiousness, there's 186 00:10:53,885 --> 00:10:59,446 perfectionism or people-pleasing that's masquerading as conscientiousness. 187 00:10:59,767 --> 00:11:02,947 And so that same quality that made us really good at the work that 188 00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:07,745 we do is that thing that actually won't let us stop and rest. 189 00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:11,409 Now, it's not a character flaw, it's just conditioning. 190 00:11:11,886 --> 00:11:14,186 And the first step out of it is seeing it for what it is 191 00:11:14,586 --> 00:11:19,586 And I think the problem is that we think that the opposite of conscientiousness 192 00:11:19,768 --> 00:11:23,787 is unconscientiousness, if that's a word, and other people might describe 193 00:11:23,807 --> 00:11:26,426 it as shirking your duty or being flaky. 194 00:11:26,826 --> 00:11:31,465 I would say it's not that we're trying to be unconscientious, it's just we 195 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:36,432 wanna be boundaried and we want to be So conscientious with boundaries 196 00:11:36,832 --> 00:11:40,692 Now, I want you to notice what you find yourself thinking when I ask, what would 197 00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:46,312 you do with an afternoon of genuinely unscheduled and unpressurized time? 198 00:11:46,712 --> 00:11:50,392 Not holiday planning or catching up on admin, but an afternoon 199 00:11:50,432 --> 00:11:52,033 of nothing in your diary. 200 00:11:52,433 --> 00:11:55,812 For me, it would be sitting in a sauna or somewhere beautiful with a book. 201 00:11:56,212 --> 00:12:00,392 Now, if your honest answer is, "I just don't know," or you do know 202 00:12:00,713 --> 00:12:04,691 but you just feel too guilty, then this isn't a personality trait. 203 00:12:04,851 --> 00:12:09,392 This is the superhero delusion working exactly as installed 204 00:12:09,792 --> 00:12:12,672 So we get to a point where there are two different choices. 205 00:12:13,072 --> 00:12:16,772 You could keep running that program that has been driving your behavior. 206 00:12:16,812 --> 00:12:20,373 You can go from holiday to holiday or weekend to weekend just hanging on by your 207 00:12:20,453 --> 00:12:24,672 fingertips, proving to yourself that you were busy enough to deserve a break. 208 00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:28,813 But then when the holiday comes, you charge your battery to maybe 20%. 209 00:12:28,872 --> 00:12:32,573 But we all know that holidays often aren't really real rest, they're 210 00:12:32,573 --> 00:12:34,232 often just hard work somewhere else. 211 00:12:34,632 --> 00:12:37,451 And then you come back, and within three days, your energy levels 212 00:12:37,491 --> 00:12:39,091 are right back to where they were. 213 00:12:39,491 --> 00:12:42,011 And sometimes you just tell yourself, "Well, that's just how it is. 214 00:12:42,351 --> 00:12:43,031 That's the job. 215 00:12:43,412 --> 00:12:44,612 Everybody feels like this. 216 00:12:45,011 --> 00:12:46,762 I'll be better when things ease off. 217 00:12:47,251 --> 00:12:50,694 When, when my new colleague starts in 18 months' time." And I kid you not, 218 00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:54,044 that is genuinely what a consultant colleague told me. 219 00:12:54,412 --> 00:12:54,932 " It's okay. 220 00:12:54,952 --> 00:12:57,911 In 18 months time, I'm gonna have another colleague joining the department." 221 00:12:58,391 --> 00:13:01,571 18 months time, and that was what they were waiting for 222 00:13:01,971 --> 00:13:04,791 Because things are not going to ease off, and you know that. 223 00:13:04,961 --> 00:13:09,041 and you might end your career just having waited for conditions 224 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,161 to rest that never came. 225 00:13:11,561 --> 00:13:15,881 Waiting just to feel like you'd done enough, and waiting for 226 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:19,041 permission to rest that your work was never, ever going to give you 227 00:13:19,441 --> 00:13:23,822 Or you could decide to treat rest as the condition for good 228 00:13:23,961 --> 00:13:26,101 work, not as the reward for it. 229 00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:27,411 Not because you've earned it. 230 00:13:27,821 --> 00:13:30,421 So you will be resting not because you've earned it, not because 231 00:13:30,501 --> 00:13:35,899 everything is done, but because the airplane needs fuel before takeoff 232 00:13:36,299 --> 00:13:37,579 Not when it's run out 233 00:13:37,979 --> 00:13:41,559 And a full tank does not make you self-indulgent. 234 00:13:41,619 --> 00:13:44,759 It actually makes you functional, because the people that really 235 00:13:44,819 --> 00:13:49,578 depend on you need you at your most effective with a full capacity, not 236 00:13:49,638 --> 00:13:52,259 running on fumes and calling it fine. 237 00:13:52,659 --> 00:13:55,538 Your work will be better, not because you're trying harder, but because 238 00:13:55,578 --> 00:13:59,078 you've actually got some energy to bring to it, and you will feel better. 239 00:13:59,478 --> 00:14:01,898 And this won't be because the workload has changed. 240 00:14:02,298 --> 00:14:03,698 It probably won't. 241 00:14:04,098 --> 00:14:07,849 But because you stopped waiting for it to change before you allowed yourself 242 00:14:08,458 --> 00:14:13,218 to rest, even when the workload was high, even when the work was undone, 243 00:14:13,418 --> 00:14:15,817 even when you started to feel guilty 244 00:14:16,135 --> 00:14:20,755 because often when we do start to rest, it's like trying to do a handbrake turn 245 00:14:20,795 --> 00:14:24,255 on a motorway, and your amygdala is just firing, going, "Well, hang on a 246 00:14:24,316 --> 00:14:27,035 sec. There must be something to worry about. There must be something urgent 247 00:14:27,115 --> 00:14:30,736 here." And you start to actually look for the things to worry about in your work. 248 00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:36,656 And so recognizing that that drive to keep going, not to rest, can be a 249 00:14:36,716 --> 00:14:41,817 threat response, can be your amygdala trying to keep you safe Taking that 250 00:14:41,838 --> 00:14:45,956 pause and maybe just surfing that urge, that can be really, really helpful 251 00:14:46,356 --> 00:14:49,836 And it takes some practice just to stop, sit with it for a bit, and really 252 00:14:49,956 --> 00:14:54,635 examine it whenever I have sat down or gone away and thought to myself, 253 00:14:54,716 --> 00:14:58,115 "You know what? I could do lots of work here, but I'm not going to," the 254 00:14:58,216 --> 00:15:03,655 urgency that that work feels, it just diminishes hour by hour, day by day. 255 00:15:03,716 --> 00:15:07,256 And by the end of me being away, if I have properly decided to put work 256 00:15:07,296 --> 00:15:11,835 to one side, it's taking up much less importance in my life, and I look 257 00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:15,173 back and I struggle to see why it was so important in the first place. 258 00:15:15,595 --> 00:15:17,336 I guess you could say I've gained perspective 259 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:20,358 now some of the mistakes we make in all of this is thinking we've got 260 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:23,438 to have a massively long period of time before we can rest properly. 261 00:15:23,898 --> 00:15:24,818 We know that's not true. 262 00:15:25,218 --> 00:15:28,479 Even sometimes 10 minutes lying under a tree or reading a book or giving 263 00:15:28,519 --> 00:15:32,658 yourself, uh, the chance to have a cup of tea and sitting in silence 264 00:15:32,738 --> 00:15:34,578 we know can be quite restorative 265 00:15:34,978 --> 00:15:38,578 The other mistake we make is taking all the time we need for our rest 266 00:15:38,899 --> 00:15:42,859 from our home life and not taking any of it from our working life. 267 00:15:42,918 --> 00:15:45,338 And I can guarantee that if you're listening to this podcast, you 268 00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:48,578 are probably working way over the amount of hours that you're 269 00:15:48,618 --> 00:15:50,652 contracted for or paid for. 270 00:15:51,138 --> 00:15:54,217 How about taking some leave just for you, not to 271 00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:56,657 spend on family holidays perhaps? 272 00:15:57,057 --> 00:16:01,097 We also can think that active rest is as good as normal rest. 273 00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:04,077 So creating dinner parties for lots of people, doing charity 274 00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:07,799 walks, organizing the football rota, well, yeah, that's fun, but it's 275 00:16:07,878 --> 00:16:09,319 probably not re-energizing you. 276 00:16:09,358 --> 00:16:10,307 It's probably not rest 277 00:16:10,738 --> 00:16:14,880 So the choice you've got is not between rest or productivity. 278 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:17,120 That is not the real choice. 279 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:21,821 The real choice is between the way you're currently operating and just 280 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,900 the pure physics and physiology of it. 281 00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:25,955 Which is the superhero delusion 282 00:16:26,211 --> 00:16:30,752 or accepting your human limits and your human capacity And actually 283 00:16:31,152 --> 00:16:33,812 being realistic and believing something that's actually true 284 00:16:34,212 --> 00:16:35,292 Because you are not a frog. 285 00:16:35,372 --> 00:16:39,313 You are not just sitting in a pan of water not noticing 286 00:16:39,452 --> 00:16:40,972 what's going on around you. 287 00:16:41,032 --> 00:16:42,313 You have noticed. 288 00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:46,731 You've noticed every time you've sat down to rest and felt guilty about it, 289 00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:50,011 and every time you've watched something on a Sunday afternoon and needed a 290 00:16:50,152 --> 00:16:54,912 reason to, and every time you took a day of annual leave and spent quite 291 00:16:54,933 --> 00:16:57,393 a lot of it wondering if really you should be getting on with some work 292 00:16:57,793 --> 00:17:02,393 You've noticed it, and then you turned it into evidence against yourself 293 00:17:02,793 --> 00:17:06,772 Telling yourself that it's selfish for even wanting to rest. 294 00:17:07,482 --> 00:17:10,681 And because you're feeling guilty, it must mean that you're not 295 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:13,160 good and you've done something 296 00:17:13,310 --> 00:17:13,511 bad 297 00:17:14,202 --> 00:17:17,972 But I want to offer you a different reading of this same evidence, because 298 00:17:18,012 --> 00:17:21,713 that guilt you feel when you rest, it is not proof that you haven't done enough. 299 00:17:22,585 --> 00:17:25,965 It is proof, however, that you have been conditioned and groomed for 300 00:17:26,025 --> 00:17:30,565 years and years by a system that really needed you to keep going. 301 00:17:31,507 --> 00:17:34,427 It's the system and your programming talking. 302 00:17:34,507 --> 00:17:40,734 It's not the truth, and the truth is this: You are worth it even if you 303 00:17:40,795 --> 00:17:43,795 never do another day's work in your life 304 00:17:44,553 --> 00:17:47,553 And that is not just a platitude to help you feel better. 305 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:52,680 It's what you need to believe in order to make sustainable work 306 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:56,988 possible Because when your worth, your value, and your significance is 307 00:17:57,207 --> 00:18:02,943 not on the line every time you stop to rest, stopping becomes possible. 308 00:18:03,443 --> 00:18:07,730 Switching off becomes possible And when stopping becomes possible, 309 00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:13,275 you can actually go again You don't have to earn your rest. 310 00:18:14,195 --> 00:18:15,175 You never did