Hello, and welcome to Monday Myth Busting on the Choosing Happy Podcast.

And today I want to challenge one of the most damaging myths the wellness industry has ever sold us.

The myth that self care is about bubble baths, face masks, and treating yourself to a massage.

Now, real self care isn't pretty.

It's having the difficult conversation.

It's setting the boundary that makes people uncomfortable.

It's saying no when you desperately want to say yes.

It's noticing the voice in your head that's been telling you you're not good enough and choosing to reframe it.

And honestly, that's a hell of a lot more transformational than any spa day will ever be.

So stay tuned for today's choosing Happy PodC Foreign.

Now, let me be clear.

I'm not against bubble baths or massages.

I love them.

If those things genuinely restore you, then it's brilliant.

Have at it.

But somewhere along the line, the wellness industry commodified self care.

They turned it into something you buy rather than something you practice on your regular basis.

Something that feels good in the moment rather than something that serves your future self.

We've been sold this idea that self care is indulgence, pampering, treating yourself, making yourself feel good right now.

And that's not just incomplete, it's potentially harmful.

Because when we think self care means bubble baths, we miss the real work, the uncomfortable, the unglamorous work of actually taking care of ourselves and taking care of ourselves on a daily basis, consistently.

Here's what nobody tells you about real self care.

It's often uncomfortable.

Sometimes it's bloody hard.

And it happens moment by moment, hour by hour, not just when you book yourself a spa appointment.

For me, the real important part of self care is that it's ongoing.

It's noticing how you speak to yourself internally.

Managing internal negative self talk is as much self care, if not more than having a bubble bath.

Just taking those five minutes to realign, to breathe, to check in with yourself, that's self care.

Remembering to do that on an hour by hour basis, checking your internal dialogue, respecting yourself, noticing how you feel about the choices and decisions you're making about how you're showing up.

That's the real work.

It's about aligning those choices with your internal guidance, with your goals, with who you actually are, not who you think you should be, not who Instagram tells you to be, but who you actually are.

Let me give you a current example.

This weekend, I did an intensive AI sprint without skill.

3pm until midnight, both Saturday and Sunday.

I had appointments starting at 9am this Monday morning.

I also wrote my Sunday newsletter yesterday, did the housework, walked the dogs, caught up on the chores on Saturday and still had the energy to work until midnight when I knew I'd be Getting up at 6am this morning on Monday.

How?

The meditation, the mindfulness, the breath work, the pauses, the dog walks.

That's what gave me the energy to sustain the pace with without burning up.

That's not indulgence, that's not treating myself.

That's strategic self care that protects my capacity to do the work I'm meant to do.

Without those moment by moment practices, I'd have crashed by Saturday evening.

But because I've learned to manage my energies through real self care, I can show up fully for intensive learning, for my work, for my life where without running on empty.

And I also have a promise to myself of real downtime.

So usually on a Saturday, it's my Saturday digital detox when I don't even switch the Internet on until early evening.

And I've learned this lesson the hard way.

When I was caring for my parents, I was running an absolute empty.

And I don't mean the oh I'm a bit tired empty.

I mean the bone deep, soul crushing, emotional stressed exhaustion.

The self talk in my head was relentless.

I can't do this.

I don't have the time, I don't have the energy, I don't have the inner resources.

I'm too tired.

I'm failing them.

I'm failing everyone now.

I could have booked myself a massage, I could have run a bubble bath.

And often I did.

But honestly, that wasn't what I truly needed.

What I needed was to manage that internal voice before it destroyed me.

What actually got me through was taking walks or standing in the garden for five minutes walking the dogs.

Those small breaks weren't indulgence, they were actual survival.

And here's the thing that really saved me.

The NLP neuro linguistic training I'd done gave me the ability to reframe, to detach, to not take things personally, to manage my energy and to gather my energy and focus in those moments, even when everything felt overwhelming.

I'd learned to reframe not just the messages I was getting from my parents and the outside world, but the brutal internal dialogue as well.

That voice that kept telling me I wasn't enough, that was real self care.

And it looked nothing like the Instagram version.

So here are a few Mythbusters for this week around self care.

Number one.

Self care feels good Reality.

Real self care often feels uncomfortable in the moment.

It's ending the friendship that drains you.

It's having the conversation you've been avoiding.

It's looking at your financial balance or whatever it is that you've been hiding from and resisting.

It's setting the boundary that makes everyone else unhappy but protects your energy.

It's discipline disguised as kindness to your future self.

Mythbuster number two Self care is indulgence.

Reality self care is actually quite the opposite.

It's the discipline of choosing aligned energy first.

It's about how you eat, how you move, how you rest so that you've got the capacity to genuinely help other people and to genuinely show up.

It's not the oxygen mask on the plane that's overused.

It's like putting your raincoat on first.

You can't keep anyone else dry if you're soaked through and freezing, can you?

And mythbuster number three Self care is selfish.

Reality self care isn't selfishness, it's responsibility.

Especially if you're a coach, therapist or helper of any kind.

If you aren't in alignment and presence to serve your work, then you really aren't showing up fully.

Self care protects your capacity to serve.

It's not about you, it's about everyone you're meant to help as well.

So what does real self care actually look like?

It's the moment by moment awareness of how you're speaking to yourself.

It's catching that thought, I can't do this.

And choosing to reframe it before it becomes your reality.

It's taking those five minute breaks to realign and breathe.

Even when or especially when you think you don't have the time, it's respecting yourself enough to check in.

How do I actually feel about this decision?

Does this align with who I am?

Is this moving me forward to the future?

And the joy that I want is having the courage to end the relationships that drain you.

Leave that job that's killing you.

Set the boundary that everyone else will hate.

It's treating yourself with the same compassion you'd offer your best friend when they're struggling.

And yes, sometimes it is the bubble bath.

But only if that bubble bath is genuinely restoring you, not just numbing you to avoid the real work.

So this week's awareness experiments, I invite you to try the uncomfortable self care challenge.

Identify one act of real self care you've been avoiding because it feels hard or uncomfortable.

Maybe it's having a difficult, difficult conversation.

Maybe it's setting a boundary with someone you care about.

Maybe it's simply noticing and reframing your internal dialogue for one hour.

Do it.

Notice how different it feels from the bubble bath.

Notice how much more it actually serves your future self.

And here's the kicker.

Notice your internal dialogue about it.

Are you telling yourself you can't do it?

You don't have the same time?

You're too tired?

That's the voice that needs the most care of all.

I would love to hear about your uncomfortable self care moments.

What's the hard thing you've been avoiding that would actually serve you?

Share it with us at Choosing Happy Podcast on socials or pop over to www.choosinghappy.space and remember, the wellness industry wants to sell you products, but real self care?

That's free.

It's in the moments between the moments.

It's how you speak to yourself when no one's watching.

It's in the boundaries that you set and the internal dialogue you choose to reframe.

True self care serves your purpose, not just your comfort, and that's what actually creates sustainable, resilient transformation.

Thank you for listening and speak soon.

Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this week's episode.

If you enjoyed it or think it would be valuable to others, please do share.

And if you really enjoyed it, please leave me a review.

It really helps the podcast.

All of the links are in the show notes and I look forward to seeing you next week on the Choosing Happy Podcast.

Sam.