This is Mr. Funky Teacher with BeAFunkyTeacher.com. I’m coming to you with another Be a Funky Teacher podcast. Welcome back, everyone. Today’s episode is Secondhand Trauma, the emotional weight teachers carry and rarely talk about. Most people talk about burnout, workload, and behavior challenges, but almost no one is talking about the trauma teachers absorb simply by caring deeply for kids who are hurting. Let’s go there today. But before we get into it, let’s talk about three things that I’m thankful for. First thing that I’m thankful for is Santa Claus and Santa’s helpers. Santa Claus and Santa’s helpers. They genuinely love children and spread joy during a season where kids need magic and kindness. So I’m so thankful for Santa Claus and Santa’s helpers. Second thing that I’m thankful for: hard working coworkers. The teammates who lift the load with you emotionally, practically, and professionally. The third thing that I’m thankful for is dry erase markers. Simple tools that keep a classroom moving. Small things that we might even take for granted, right? And don’t even really notice them until they’re gone, or you got a dry erase marker dried up. So I’m thankful for dry erase markers. Well, let’s get into the main topic, y’all. Let’s get into it. Secondhand trauma, the emotional weight teachers carry and rarely talk about. Let’s talk about what secondhand trauma really is. Teachers don’t just witness student stress, we feel it. Secondhand trauma is the emotional impact of carrying the stories, the pain, the lived experiences of others. And we have to recognize that kids bring so many things to school. Kids bring to school their fear, their grief, their family stress, their anxiety, their trauma, their uncertainty. And teachers, we’re caring humans, and as caring humans, we absorb it—not because we’re weak, but because we’re wired for empathy, y’all. And so let’s talk about signs that we might be carrying secondhand trauma. See, most teachers, they miss the signals. Maybe they don’t even think about the signals. But here are some signs that you might be carrying some secondhand trauma. Maybe you feel overwhelmed on a day that wasn’t bad. Maybe you overthink a student conversation long after you get home. There could be a situation where one kid’s story keeps you awake at night. You might find yourself emotionally numb, or you might find yourself emotionally overly sensitive. You might feel responsible for fixing things you can’t fix, and they’re out of your power. You might cry at small things that normally wouldn’t hit hard. See, these aren’t failures. These are symptoms of emotional overload. So I want to talk about why teachers are especially vulnerable here. In this case, we’re dealing with secondhand trauma. Kids trust teachers with their most guarded truths. When home is unpredictable, school becomes the safe place, and teachers become the safe people. So students will share things. Oh boy, will they share things, y’all. Students will share things like, “Hey, we had to leave last night,” or “My mom is sick again,” or “Dad yelled all night long,” or “We don’t have heat again,” or “I’m scared to go home,” or “Hey, my brother is in trouble.” See, it would be inhumane not to feel something. I think we all can agree with that. Most professions don’t carry the emotional weight teachers do day after day. It’s the emotional dilemma. So you can’t fix everything. This is the hardest truth, y’all. Teachers feel responsible, even when we are powerless. We can’t change the home situation. I mean, we can report it, right? We can—absolutely. If there’s abuse or neglect, we have a legal responsibility and a moral duty to report it. And of course, always follow the reporting procedures that your school and your local state laws have set forth here. Always. I’m not a lawyer. Also, I’m not a mental health provider talking about this topic here, but I do want to just put that out there nonetheless. But we do have that emotional dilemma where we can’t fix everything, but we feel responsible even when we’re powerless because we cannot change the home situation. We can’t erase trauma, and we cannot stop all the pain. But we can be a stable, steady, loving adult for those children who come to us every day. And sometimes that’s enough to shift the child’s entire trajectory in their life. So let’s talk about healthy ways to carry the emotional weight. You don’t need to stop caring. That’s not what I’m saying here in this episode. You need to stop carrying it alone. So here are some tools that may help. Name the weight. Admitting you’re overwhelmed is a strength. It’s okay to admit that you might be feeling overwhelmed with a certain situation, or just with dealing with multiple things. Debrief with trusted coworkers, y’all. The people who get it can help you to release it, y’all. Set emotional boundaries. You can be supportive without absorbing everything. Sometimes we have to set emotional boundaries to keep our sanity, y’all. That doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means we just have to set some emotional boundaries sometimes, and we can still be supportive without just taking it all in. And check in with yourself regularly. Like, how’s your heart? What are you holding? You know—things to think about there. Check in with yourself regularly. I talk all the time about being reflective. Relationships are important. Having resilience is important. But reflecting is important too. Reflecting on your own heart, your own self, and thinking about what you might be holding on to. And then create some opportunities for emotional recovery. Moments. A deep breath. Quiet minutes. Small walks. Silent drives. Those things. Listening to music. I’ve started to listen to more music again while I’m driving and just thinking. And that’s something that I’m finding is helping me. And remembering that presence is far greater than fixing. Because you’re not going to be able to fix it all. There’s probably very few things you can fix, but your presence can be so impactful. Your presence is greater than fixing. Showing up is way more powerful than solving. So let’s talk about—also, you’ve heard me talk about when my mom died, I started grief therapy. And what I unraveled in grief therapy wasn’t only dealing with the pain of losing my mother, but also dealing with some secondhand trauma tied with teaching. Because I’m such a passionate— I get so passionate and tied into teaching. And there’s some of that I’ve talked about with my grief therapist, and I think that has been helpful too. So I tell you what: I am a mental health advocate. I truly believe if you need to talk to someone, it might be that you’re just fine talking to a coworker. But there’s always people to talk to. There’s always people to talk to. I do worry about teachers not taking care of their mental health and leaving the profession because the workload, the mental load, and dealing with some of the secondhand trauma we have to deal with is far too great for an individual. And they internalize it and don’t talk about it, and then they just say it’s not worth it. Mentally, it’s not worth it. So I always will promote—hey—let’s talk to someone if you need. I was not really big on— I’ve always believed in talking to someone. There’s been times in my life where I’ve talked to people at different times, and I’ve been grateful for that. I’ve talked to different clergy, different pastors, and different people in the church at certain times. But boy, once my mom died, it impacted me in a way. And then it also brought out some other things around secondhand trauma too, which I think has really helped me. And I’ve actually become a better teacher because, just like you, I deal with some pretty heavy things too as a teacher—working with some of the challenges and trauma that our students face. Let’s talk about why this matters for teacher sustainability. I worry so greatly about fatigue, apathy. I worry about irritability, burnout, emotional detachment, decreased patience, and loss of joy inside the heart of amazing teachers. When you get a teacher—a very passionate teacher—becoming apathetic, y’all, that’s dangerous, y’all. So when we can name it, naming it helps prevent it from silently breaking down great educators. When teachers understand what they carry, they can reclaim their strength. I have reclaimed my strength as a teacher by acknowledging not only secondhand trauma that I’ve had to deal with over 23 years of teaching, but then dealing with my own pain and loss also—with the loss of my mother, the loss of my wife, and five very painful miscarriages too. And those were things that impacted us in a real way. For the profession of teaching to be sustainable, for us to do the hard work, we’ve got to take care of our mental health. Because when we can name what’s happening—saying, “Hey, this is secondhand trauma”—or be careful around absorbing our students’ trauma just through hearing about it, talking about it with students—yeah, that carries a certain load. Let’s just be real. And so let’s talk about the hope in all of this. See, teachers feel secondhand trauma because they carry extraordinary compassion and empathy. And I just think about compassion—compassion as educators, it’s like a superpower for us. Compassion is what changes lives. Every time you show up, every time you listen, every time a child feels safer because of you, every time you hold space for their story, you’re doing sacred work—and it carries a load. I’m not saying don’t do it, but it carries a load. And that’s why I’m saying—hey—let’s recognize it for what it is, and then do something about it. Don’t just let it grind you down until you’re apathetic, or you’re so impatient with kids, or you become jaded toward education—because it is what has happened. And once you get into that type of mindset, that type of burnout space, it is extremely hard to get out. And so I want to encourage you to take care of yourselves as we do a reflective closing here. You can care deeply without carrying everything with you. You can love your kids without losing yourself. You can show up with heart but still protect your emotional well-being. See, secondhand trauma—it’s real. But so is your resilience, your purpose, and the difference you make every single day. Give yourself grace. Release what isn’t yours. And remember: teachers change lives simply by being the steady light kids return to again and again, day after day. Well, I hope you found value in this episode. If you did, jump on over to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcast and hit me up with a five-star review and let me know what you think. And I want you to remember to inspire greatness in young people, and don’t forget to be a funky teacher. Bye now.