1 00:00:01,740 --> 00:00:04,200 Karen Kenney: Hey, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I am 2 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:07,800 super duper excited to be here with you today. Thank you so 3 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:12,060 much for tuning in. If it's your first time here. Hi. Welcome so 4 00:00:12,060 --> 00:00:16,380 happy to have you. If you have been with me a few times, if you 5 00:00:16,380 --> 00:00:20,540 wait, that sounded good. If you if you've been around the block 6 00:00:20,540 --> 00:00:25,700 with me a few times, I'm waggling my eyebrows at you. Oh 7 00:00:25,700 --> 00:00:28,880 my god, thank you for coming back. I super appreciate you 8 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:32,840 loyal listeners. I couldn't do it without you. So in my hand 9 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:36,740 I'm holding up this book. It's called meditations, by Marcus 10 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:41,200 Aurelius, and this is the translation by Gregory Hayes, 11 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,820 this is such a fantastic book. So some of you may know this 12 00:00:45,820 --> 00:00:52,120 about me, that I am a writer. I am a storyteller. I am a lover 13 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,840 of books and words and reading and books have absolutely like 14 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:59,560 changed my life. And you know, back in the day, way back in the 15 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,520 day. And I was just talking about this with my friend Tess 16 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:06,600 masters. Tess masters also known as the blender girl. Some of you 17 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,420 might know her as the blender girl, but Tess has a podcast. 18 00:01:09,420 --> 00:01:13,320 It's fantastic. It's called, it has to be me, and I'm actually 19 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:16,020 going to be on her podcast. It's coming out, actually, on the 20 00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:20,780 same day as this episode. So Thursday, I think June 19, 2025, 21 00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:24,500 I think that's when it's coming out. So she and I were just like 22 00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:27,320 talking, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make a point about, first of 23 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:32,300 all, the name of this episode, right, asking for help. But she 24 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:36,560 and I were kind of talking about how, back in the day before, 25 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:39,200 there were like, all these coaches and all these, like 26 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,400 certified mentors and like all these people that you could hire 27 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:46,180 like when you needed support, like back in the day, so much of 28 00:01:46,180 --> 00:01:51,940 how I helped myself transform, make changes, do stuff is I read 29 00:01:51,940 --> 00:01:56,560 books like I found so much wisdom, and so many of my 30 00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:00,540 mentors were like, first and foremost in written form, in 31 00:02:00,540 --> 00:02:04,380 like, the Self Help section of like, you know, the the crown 32 00:02:04,380 --> 00:02:07,980 bookstore in California, or borders here, you know, in conk 33 00:02:07,980 --> 00:02:11,040 and whatever. So back in the day, like I said before, there 34 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:13,620 are people like me now who are, like, certified spiritual 35 00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:17,820 mentors, certified coaches, all these things you had to, you had 36 00:02:17,820 --> 00:02:20,900 to help yourself, right, like the self there was a reason why 37 00:02:20,900 --> 00:02:24,620 it was called the Self Help section. And if you wanted to 38 00:02:24,620 --> 00:02:28,160 make change and stuff, you had to, like, go do the work. Just 39 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,920 to do the work, meaning, like, you had to get your ass to the 40 00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:34,340 bookstore to buy the thing. You had to order the cassettes, or 41 00:02:34,340 --> 00:02:36,920 you had to go to a lecture to meet somebody in person. There 42 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:39,560 was no internet. There was no like, dialing it up and like 43 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,760 hiring people online or whatever. So back in the day, 44 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,520 like we really had to do it, and a lot of it came through books. 45 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:52,000 And this book, Marcus Aurelius meditations, was, like such a 46 00:02:52,180 --> 00:02:55,240 powerful and potent it still is. That's why I'm like, I reread it 47 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,820 all the time. I picked this sucker up all the time and thumb 48 00:02:57,820 --> 00:03:01,980 through it. And I was reading it this morning, and I was like, Oh 49 00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:04,800 my God, I want to make sure that I talked about this. And then I 50 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,860 went back, and I tried to check through my episodes, and I'm 51 00:03:07,860 --> 00:03:12,000 like, How have I never done an episode called asking for help? 52 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:17,100 I, for sure, have talked about, you know, talked about asking 53 00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:19,860 for help, or getting help in, like, certain situations. I 54 00:03:19,860 --> 00:03:23,420 think I had an episode called, How can I help, or whatever, but 55 00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:26,240 I don't think I've ever approached it in quite this way. 56 00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:33,620 But let me read to you what this this passage in meditations, 57 00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:37,220 Marcus Aurelius. Now this book, this book, the translation by 58 00:03:37,220 --> 00:03:41,320 Gregory Hayes. It's like bitten, bitten. No, it's not been, it's 59 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:46,900 broken, broken down into like 12 different books. That's what 60 00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:51,700 they're calling them, like 12 little books. And in book seven, 61 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:57,220 so it's like 7.7 so Book Seven, entry seven, 7.7 I just read 62 00:03:57,220 --> 00:03:59,620 this today. I highlighted it here, and I thought it was so 63 00:03:59,620 --> 00:04:02,460 fantastic. And I want to share with you, because I think it's 64 00:04:02,460 --> 00:04:06,240 wicked helpful, especially for us, some of us New England kids. 65 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:11,040 And it's actually, it's actually fitting that I'm wearing my navy 66 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:15,420 mass hole, my navy mass hole t shirt today, because for us 67 00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:19,860 little mass holes, this is a really wicked helpful reminder. 68 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:26,120 It says, Don't be ashamed to need help. Like a soldier 69 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:30,980 storming a wall, you have a mission to accomplish, and if 70 00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:35,600 you've been wounded and you need a comrade to pull you up, so 71 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:41,260 what? So what? Don't be ashamed to need help. And I thought this 72 00:04:41,260 --> 00:04:45,580 was so fantastic when I first read it, and it stopped me in my 73 00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:50,560 tracks, because I was a kid who, because of my upbringing, and I 74 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,440 guarantee you somebody else there, if not, many of you out 75 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,140 there are going to be able to relate to this. So one of the 76 00:04:56,140 --> 00:04:59,800 things that happens a lot with like traumatized kids, not all 77 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,180 of. Like everybody kind of responds to the events of their 78 00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:07,020 life differently, but a lot of us became like hyper 79 00:05:07,020 --> 00:05:10,620 independent. Some of us became hyper independent because we 80 00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:17,040 were number one, highly unsupervised, highly, highly 81 00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:21,560 unsupervised as children. Oh, my God. I always, I always jokingly 82 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,780 say, I write about this in my memoir, and I say, you know, we 83 00:05:23,780 --> 00:05:25,640 weren't just highly unsupervised. We were like, 84 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:29,060 fucking feral. We were like, feral, you know. So you had a 85 00:05:29,060 --> 00:05:31,280 bunch of, like, first of all, you had a bunch of young 86 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:35,240 parents. I always call it like babies raising babies. That was 87 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,480 kind of how it was. And a lot of times those quote, unquote 88 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,080 babies, which were the adults, the parents, the Guardians, 89 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,840 whatever, the people who are supposed to be taking care of 90 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:47,140 us. You know, they were like working. We were like blue 91 00:05:47,140 --> 00:05:50,020 collar kids. They were either, like, working two jobs, three 92 00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:53,200 jobs, hustling on the side, or just off doing shit like, I 93 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,320 mean, you know, I generation, they had to, like, do a 94 00:05:56,320 --> 00:06:00,960 commercial, like a public service a PSA, a public service 95 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,960 announcement. You guys remember that sucker? And it was 96 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:07,920 different celebrities, and they like Grace Jones and Andy Warhol 97 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,860 and like, I'm trying to think there were a bunch of them. And 98 00:06:10,860 --> 00:06:13,680 they'd like, stare into the camera, and they'd be like, it's 99 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:17,940 10pm Do you know where you I can't even get through it. It's 100 00:06:17,940 --> 00:06:22,520 so funny to me. It's 10pm Do you know where your children are? 101 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:26,540 Here's the answer, no, most of them did not know where we were 102 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:30,260 again because we were in feral we were just like running 103 00:06:30,260 --> 00:06:34,760 around. Okay, but the reason why I'm telling you all this is a 104 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:38,060 lot of times we did not have good guidance. A lot of times we 105 00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:41,680 didn't always have people who were, like, teaching us or 106 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:46,480 helping us or showing us. So we had to figure out a lot of stuff 107 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:52,120 on our own. And because of that, we tended to become really like, 108 00:06:52,180 --> 00:06:55,360 like, talk about self help. We had to help ourselves quite a 109 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:59,980 bit. We became vigilant, like, almost like, hyper, hyper 110 00:06:59,980 --> 00:07:04,200 independent. And in some ways, that can be a really powerful 111 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:07,800 and beautiful thing, because we, like, we That's the original 112 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,520 fafo, right? F, A, F, O, fuck around. Find out. We had to a 113 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,220 lot of times. Find out the hard way, because nobody was telling 114 00:07:14,220 --> 00:07:16,260 us, like, Hey, you might not want to play on the train 115 00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:19,500 tracks. Like, hey, you might want to, might not want to drive 116 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:22,400 over there and, like, buy drugs off that person you don't know. 117 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,220 Like, hey, you might not want to, like, go do this thing. You 118 00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:29,120 know what I mean. So a lot of times we had to find out the 119 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:29,360 hard 120 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:33,560 way. But which can be valuable, right? Like, being really 121 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:38,300 independent is a powerful thing. It is also when it leans too 122 00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:43,600 far, goes too far, it's like a trauma response, and you start 123 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:47,800 to feel like that you cannot ask for help. Number one, because 124 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,940 there's nobody there to actually help you. Number two, you don't 125 00:07:51,940 --> 00:07:55,180 want to when you get rewarded, that's another thing that 126 00:07:55,180 --> 00:07:58,060 happens is when you don't ask for a lot of help a lot of 127 00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:01,560 times, especially if you're in a family where there's already one 128 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:08,520 sibling or one child who is challenged or sick or struggling 129 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,460 or whatever's going on with them, and your parents might not 130 00:08:11,460 --> 00:08:14,700 have a lot in the tank left over, like for you or for your 131 00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:17,700 siblings or anybody else, right? So whatever, there's different 132 00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:20,720 circumstances. It could be. You could have grown up in an 133 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:24,560 alcoholic household, or a drug, you know, drug use, whatever. 134 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:28,100 There's 1000 ways where families, right, or parents or 135 00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:31,220 guardians, whoever you grew up with, you're in foster care, 136 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,920 whatever. There just weren't people available to, like, walk 137 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:37,340 you through some of the harder parts of things. And another 138 00:08:37,340 --> 00:08:41,920 thing that also happens in a lot of families, and especially, I 139 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,440 know, for like, a lot of blue collar kids and kids I grew up 140 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:48,820 with, you know, you would often feel shame for needing help, 141 00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:52,000 yeah, for if you you felt like you couldn't ask for help, and 142 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:56,860 to ask for help made you look weak, made you sound weak. Now, 143 00:08:56,860 --> 00:08:59,680 it's one thing if you're asking for help, sometimes for physical 144 00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:02,340 things, like, like, Hey, I gotta move. And there's like, I only 145 00:09:02,340 --> 00:09:05,100 gotta, you know, I only got my little car, and I need help, 146 00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:08,220 like, those kinds of things. It's not necessarily that, 147 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:11,280 although I have known people who would just go rent a U haul and 148 00:09:11,340 --> 00:09:14,580 like, you know, rather just like, and just try to do it all 149 00:09:14,580 --> 00:09:18,240 themselves, rather than ask for help, because a lot of times, 150 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:23,360 you know that stigma of needing help, especially, especially 151 00:09:23,420 --> 00:09:28,100 emotionally and mentally. You know, it was okay to to ask 152 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,920 people to help you, like, move a table, move a couch, like, do 153 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:32,900 something like that, right? Because when things would be, 154 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:36,320 quote, unquote, physically impossible, but to ask for help 155 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,020 because you were struggling emotionally, to ask for help 156 00:09:39,020 --> 00:09:43,180 because you were struggling, you know, mentally, a lot of times 157 00:09:43,180 --> 00:09:46,720 it was seen as a weakness. And what I love about this little 158 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:50,920 passage, again, you know, in in meditations is it's just saying, 159 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:54,700 Don't be ashamed to need help like a soldier storming a wall. 160 00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:56,680 You have a mission to accomplish, and if you've been 161 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,680 wounded and you need a comrade to pull you up, so what? And I 162 00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:02,280 really. Relate this, like, if you've been wounded, like, yeah, 163 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,860 maybe some shit went down in your childhood. Maybe some stuff 164 00:10:04,860 --> 00:10:08,220 happened to you as a young person, or as a young teenager, 165 00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:12,660 or young, you know, human being, where you weren't given 166 00:10:12,660 --> 00:10:15,720 everything that you needed. And that could literally be like the 167 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,720 clothes on your back, food in your in your body. It could have 168 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:21,020 been the protection that you needed. It could have been the 169 00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:24,260 education that you needed, the support that you needed, you 170 00:10:24,260 --> 00:10:27,620 know, there's a lot of ways that kids fell through cracks, you 171 00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:30,500 know, and still, still to this day, I'm not just saying, like, 172 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:33,980 Oh, back then, that's how I can, you know, I always say, I tend 173 00:10:33,980 --> 00:10:36,200 to talk about my own experiences, because that's what 174 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,080 I tend to be an expert on. Like, that's what I tend to, like, 175 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:42,160 know about. And I don't assume that everybody has had the same 176 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:45,700 experience as me, but I think a lot of us can relate, you know. 177 00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:49,840 And I think that this is prevalent, not just for, you 178 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,300 know, blue collar kids, but also you see it in different 179 00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:57,640 populations, you know, where it can be hard for men to say, to 180 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:01,020 admit, like, Hey, I'm struggling, or whatever, like, 181 00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:04,980 I'm having a hard time emotionally, you know, for a lot 182 00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:08,640 of for a lot of boys and men, you're not allowed, you're not 183 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,180 allowed to, like, cry or have those feelings in some people's 184 00:11:12,180 --> 00:11:16,200 homes coming up, you know. And I really was, like, thinking about 185 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:21,920 this, because this stigma of the stigma of like, asking for help 186 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:25,760 makes you weak, or you should be ashamed. And I started thinking 187 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:29,540 about how, like, when you're born, right? When you're like, 188 00:11:29,540 --> 00:11:34,580 born into this little body, you cannot feed yourself, you cannot 189 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:39,620 clothe yourself, you cannot, like, get around on your own. 190 00:11:39,860 --> 00:11:43,720 You know, you, you, you are totally helpless. You cannot 191 00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:47,440 verbalize other than to cry, right? You cannot verbalize your 192 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,500 wants, your needs, like your suffering, like, I've got a wet 193 00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:53,380 diet. All you can do is, like, cry, but like, you're completely 194 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:57,160 helpless. We didn't know how to do jack shit as a baby, except, 195 00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:01,380 like, stick our feet in our own mouths and like, you know, make 196 00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:05,040 faces and, you know, and poop in a diaper. Like, that's what we 197 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:10,140 knew how to do, right? So from the time we were little kids, we 198 00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:15,840 needed help, and we could ask for help. Like, think about it, 199 00:12:16,020 --> 00:12:18,600 we didn't know how to ride bikes, we didn't know how to tie 200 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,560 our own shoes. We didn't know how to make, like, a sandwich. 201 00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:24,200 Like, we didn't know how to do things. We didn't know how to 202 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,800 sew or cook or do laundry or drive a car or, like, think 203 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:32,420 about the gazillion things that we didn't know how to do when we 204 00:12:32,420 --> 00:12:36,140 were little kids, when we were young, when we were babies, and 205 00:12:36,140 --> 00:12:40,420 how much help we needed, not only how much help we needed, 206 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:44,140 how much help we probably got. I'm not saying they were 207 00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:47,380 perfect. I'm not saying our parents were perfect, but how 208 00:12:47,380 --> 00:12:50,440 much help we kind of did. We learned how to button a button. 209 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:53,560 We learned how to zip a zip up. We learned how to like, you 210 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:57,220 know, walk to school. We learned how to like, you know, read a 211 00:12:57,220 --> 00:13:00,600 book. Not everybody, but a lot of us, you know what I mean. So 212 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:04,500 we got, like, a shit ton of help. So we were also, though, 213 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:08,700 encouraged. We were often encouraged by teachers. Like, if 214 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:11,640 you don't know something, raise your hand. Let me help you, 215 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:15,540 right? That's a whole profession of like tudas. What do you think 216 00:13:15,540 --> 00:13:18,300 tutas Are? Tutors are designed to, like, help kids who are 217 00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:21,440 struggling with a particular subject, you know? And when you 218 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:25,880 just still look around you people in my profession, what I 219 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,660 call the helping professions, right? The service professions. 220 00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:34,220 We're here. I always say, if everybody figured everything out 221 00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:37,280 on their own, if everybody was doing fantastic, like, I 222 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:42,220 wouldn't have a job, you know, I wouldn't be teaching yoga if 223 00:13:42,220 --> 00:13:46,240 everybody knew how to do it and do it fantastically and didn't 224 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,700 need help. You know what I'm saying? I wouldn't be a 225 00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:52,420 spiritual mentor. I wouldn't be an integrative coach. I wouldn't 226 00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:57,340 be doing any of these things if nobody needed help. And so I 227 00:13:57,340 --> 00:14:01,620 want to, kind of like normalize this, for us to get out of this, 228 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:06,360 this old limitation, like limiting mindset, that that it's 229 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:10,200 weak somehow to ask for help. And I think we're kind of like, 230 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:13,800 sold this load of bullshit that, like, just because we're a 231 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:17,580 certain age, or just because we've gone through a certain 232 00:14:17,580 --> 00:14:21,560 thing, we should, quote, unquote, know this already. We 233 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:27,500 should know how to do these things, and sometimes we just 234 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:31,940 need a little bit of help. Because, again, we have to go 235 00:14:31,940 --> 00:14:35,660 back to, like, the brain, right? And how the brain functions. The 236 00:14:35,660 --> 00:14:39,440 brain is always going to try to access, like, what's familiar. 237 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:44,080 It's going to want to try and, like, do things based on what 238 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:47,680 it's already experienced. You know, it goes it time travels. 239 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,740 Obviously, it likes to time travel into the past and and 240 00:14:50,740 --> 00:14:54,100 just assign meaning to, like, the Oh, I know how this cup is 241 00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:56,860 going to be, I know how this chair is going to be, I know how 242 00:14:56,860 --> 00:14:59,800 this trip is going to be. I know how this person is going to be. 243 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,540 Because I've interacted with them before. So it's always like 244 00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:07,200 looking for the familiar. It's not really, I think it's so 245 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:11,100 fascinating how much we rely on on the brain. And a lot of times 246 00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:16,380 I will say to people like, Okay, here's the deal. Your your best 247 00:15:16,380 --> 00:15:21,860 thinking, like your number one, numero uno, like best thinking 248 00:15:21,860 --> 00:15:26,720 with your current brain is what got you here, right into 249 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:30,140 trouble, into this suffering, into this pattern, into this 250 00:15:30,140 --> 00:15:34,100 habit, into this way of being like your best thinking. So if 251 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:38,240 you want to do something different or novel or new or 252 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:43,180 transformative or make change like what got you here is not 253 00:15:43,180 --> 00:15:48,160 going to get you there, and we need to bring in, sometimes, new 254 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:53,440 resources, new tools, new teachers, new help is right. Who 255 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:57,280 can you know, not boss you around and like, wag their 256 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,540 finger and tell you like at you and tell you like what to do, 257 00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:05,280 but can certainly be a guide along the way, you know, and 258 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:12,660 say, Hey, and I used to hate, like hate asking for help for a 259 00:16:12,660 --> 00:16:16,800 couple of reasons. Number one, I had that old stigma of like to 260 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:21,560 ask for help is weak. Number two, right? Part of the ego and 261 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,920 part of like, the pride of like, I like to do things on my own. 262 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:29,120 Look how independent I am, look how capable I am, right? That 263 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:34,460 felt good to be able to do that. Also, there's another thing that 264 00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:36,920 kind of happens with a lot of that kind of, 265 00:16:38,059 --> 00:16:41,859 you know, the upbringings that I came from in like, trauma, and I 266 00:16:41,859 --> 00:16:44,679 know other people again, double Amen hands, if you can relate to 267 00:16:44,679 --> 00:16:48,279 what I'm about to say is that you don't ever want to feel like 268 00:16:48,279 --> 00:16:52,179 a burden to somebody else. You don't want to feel like you're a 269 00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:56,259 bother or that you're bothering somebody else, right? That's one 270 00:16:56,259 --> 00:16:59,139 of the things, and it's also like risking rejection, like 271 00:16:59,139 --> 00:17:02,579 you're going to ask for help and somebody's going to say no. And, 272 00:17:02,579 --> 00:17:06,539 man, what that would do to like a kid like me back in the day, 273 00:17:06,539 --> 00:17:09,659 like I would just feel ashamed, first of all, for having to ask 274 00:17:09,659 --> 00:17:13,559 for help, and then if I allowed myself to be vulnerable and ask 275 00:17:13,559 --> 00:17:17,939 for help, and like, gotta know, oh my god. Like, back then, that 276 00:17:17,939 --> 00:17:21,019 would have just felt like I just inside, like I just got a little 277 00:17:21,019 --> 00:17:24,199 squishy, like, my hat, just like, squeezed a little bit 278 00:17:24,199 --> 00:17:28,039 thinking about, like, younger me, like, trying to be so brave, 279 00:17:28,219 --> 00:17:30,919 and, like, put down her Dukes, you know, and like, Vicky with 280 00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:34,279 2k from large is being like, Okay, I'm gonna ask for help, 281 00:17:34,279 --> 00:17:38,479 and if somebody, like, you know, wasn't nice to me about it, or 282 00:17:38,479 --> 00:17:41,799 made me feel stupid for needing help, or I felt ashamed. Like, 283 00:17:41,919 --> 00:17:44,379 why can't you figure this out? Like, how do you not already 284 00:17:44,379 --> 00:17:48,039 know how to do this? Right? That's the thing again, the mass 285 00:17:48,039 --> 00:17:53,439 hole thing, right? There's like, people talk about people from 286 00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:55,899 Boston and people from Massachusetts, like, they'll 287 00:17:55,899 --> 00:18:00,659 say, we're kind, but we're not nice, meaning we're kind. We'll 288 00:18:00,659 --> 00:18:03,719 help you. We'll do stuff for you. We'll literally give you 289 00:18:03,719 --> 00:18:05,939 the shirt off our back, but we're going to bust your balls 290 00:18:05,939 --> 00:18:08,159 the whole time we're doing it. We're going to make fun of you 291 00:18:08,159 --> 00:18:11,339 and be sarcastic and, you know, cheap shot you, and do all that 292 00:18:11,339 --> 00:18:15,239 stuff. And I'm like, Oh my god. So like, a lot of times, your 293 00:18:15,239 --> 00:18:18,899 vulnerability, you know, I always say, when you we when we 294 00:18:18,899 --> 00:18:22,819 would have tender places as a kid, you would think that 295 00:18:22,819 --> 00:18:25,219 another human being would recognize that it's a tender 296 00:18:25,219 --> 00:18:27,739 place, so that they would tread lightly and it's no they would 297 00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:30,259 find your tender place, and they would find, like, noogie it, you 298 00:18:30,259 --> 00:18:33,679 know, like they would go for it. So there's kind of like this 299 00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:38,299 built in protective measure across the board, for a lot of 300 00:18:38,299 --> 00:18:42,759 people, where they're expected, they feel like they're expected 301 00:18:42,759 --> 00:18:47,379 to know so many things. And I remember, you know, I remember, 302 00:18:47,379 --> 00:18:50,379 like, back even, even as a my mother, like, I got, I got my 303 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:54,519 sex talk pretty young. I think I was, like, six years old. And so 304 00:18:54,519 --> 00:18:57,639 I also learned all about menstruation and girls having 305 00:18:57,639 --> 00:18:59,859 their period, and, like, the whole thing, which I totally 306 00:18:59,859 --> 00:19:03,779 dreaded, like I totally dreaded. And, you know, my mother, I 307 00:19:03,779 --> 00:19:05,819 think, taught me about, like, I know she did. She taught me 308 00:19:05,819 --> 00:19:08,459 about, like, maxi pads and whatever, and said, like, there 309 00:19:08,459 --> 00:19:11,699 were, you know, other things, like tampons, whatever, Playtex, 310 00:19:11,699 --> 00:19:17,399 Kotex, all the different brands. But she died before I ever used 311 00:19:17,399 --> 00:19:22,519 a tampon. And I remember I did not want to ask my sister to 312 00:19:22,519 --> 00:19:26,719 show me how to do it. I wasn't going to ask my aunt. I was 313 00:19:26,719 --> 00:19:29,899 like, nope, right? Like, and so I had to figure it out on my 314 00:19:29,899 --> 00:19:34,039 own. And I'll never forget that whole experience. You know, it's 315 00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:36,679 like, you don't know what size to buy, like, you have to go to 316 00:19:36,679 --> 00:19:39,139 the store and, like, get them, and you get then you get to go 317 00:19:39,139 --> 00:19:41,979 and, like, figure it out, and the string and the whole thing. 318 00:19:41,979 --> 00:19:44,379 I'm sure somebody out there is laughing right now, because you 319 00:19:44,379 --> 00:19:48,279 too, you too, had to figure it out on your own. But then I 320 00:19:48,279 --> 00:19:53,139 helped other girlfriends who also had, who were also feral, 321 00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:56,259 who were also highly unsupervised, right? Who didn't 322 00:19:56,259 --> 00:19:59,739 want to wear maxi pads like you know, again, I'm not bagging on 323 00:19:59,739 --> 00:20:02,279 any. Anybody who that was your preference, or whatever. Just 324 00:20:02,279 --> 00:20:05,459 for me, it was not my preference. So I apologize for 325 00:20:05,459 --> 00:20:09,419 making it. But for me, it was just like, No. But I also had 326 00:20:09,419 --> 00:20:15,599 to, like, help them. And one of the things that I try to remind 327 00:20:15,599 --> 00:20:21,139 myself all the time as a reminder, obviously, for my tone 328 00:20:21,139 --> 00:20:25,459 of voice with other people like I never want people to feel 329 00:20:25,519 --> 00:20:29,779 ashamed for not knowing things. I want to reward curiosity and I 330 00:20:29,779 --> 00:20:33,259 want to reward courage and vulnerability when somebody like 331 00:20:33,259 --> 00:20:36,259 doesn't know how something works or doesn't understand something, 332 00:20:36,499 --> 00:20:40,219 and it's so easy to be flippant, right? I know I've done it. I 333 00:20:40,219 --> 00:20:44,199 know I've been quote, unquote guilty of this before in my 334 00:20:44,199 --> 00:20:48,579 past, and I really try to be mindful these days, because I 335 00:20:48,579 --> 00:20:53,259 had to reform my own thinking about like, it's okay that I 336 00:20:53,259 --> 00:20:57,039 don't know how to do everything. It's okay that I might need a 337 00:20:57,039 --> 00:21:00,419 like, you know, a reminder on how to like, you know, do 338 00:21:00,419 --> 00:21:04,439 something, you know, and in this world where everything is 339 00:21:04,439 --> 00:21:08,099 becoming increasingly, like, more technical, I've just 340 00:21:08,099 --> 00:21:11,399 accepted, I always say, the older I get, the more that I 341 00:21:11,579 --> 00:21:15,299 realize that, like, it just becomes painfully aware to me, 342 00:21:15,299 --> 00:21:20,599 like, just how much I don't know. So I am willing to take a 343 00:21:20,599 --> 00:21:24,019 book out, or to buy a book or to read an article or to Google 344 00:21:24,019 --> 00:21:27,919 something, but sometimes it just hits a point when you're like, I 345 00:21:27,919 --> 00:21:32,359 need another human being to sit down with me and to walk me 346 00:21:32,419 --> 00:21:36,079 through this, to talk me through this, to show me how they 347 00:21:36,079 --> 00:21:39,619 approach this thing. Preferably, I always say like, again with 348 00:21:39,619 --> 00:21:42,759 Marcus Aurelius, right in meditations. I'm like, when 349 00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:46,299 smarty pants people are saying smarty pants things, I am smarty 350 00:21:46,299 --> 00:21:50,019 pants enough to pay attention and to listen, right? So I try 351 00:21:50,019 --> 00:21:53,319 to, like, go to, you know, somebody who I feel like has 352 00:21:53,319 --> 00:21:57,999 been successful in doing this thing before me, or a friend who 353 00:21:58,179 --> 00:22:00,959 I think is pretty smart, and I'm like, maybe we can figure this 354 00:22:00,959 --> 00:22:04,859 out together. And that's the thing, like, where my work comes 355 00:22:04,859 --> 00:22:09,119 in. You know, it's like, I kind of like, through my own desire 356 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:12,539 to end my own suffering, and as long as we're human, there's 357 00:22:12,539 --> 00:22:15,839 gonna be suffering, right? I mean, we cannot eradicate all 358 00:22:15,839 --> 00:22:19,439 suffering, however, we can gather some tools and some 359 00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:23,539 perspectives and some resources to help us as we're navigating 360 00:22:23,539 --> 00:22:26,599 these things, so we're not suffering as much. And I know 361 00:22:26,599 --> 00:22:29,779 for myself along the way. You know, I had some teachers, and I 362 00:22:29,779 --> 00:22:33,019 certainly had a shit ton of books that really, really, 363 00:22:33,019 --> 00:22:36,139 really helped me, but it was that human connection, the 364 00:22:36,139 --> 00:22:40,959 intimacy of another person being with me and talking with me and, 365 00:22:41,199 --> 00:22:45,819 you know, helping me to see again, to shift my mind, maybe 366 00:22:45,819 --> 00:22:49,239 from a perspective of fear to one of love, you know, to gather 367 00:22:49,239 --> 00:22:52,059 different tools. And it's why, you know, when people say to me, 368 00:22:52,059 --> 00:22:55,239 like, what do you do? I'm like, Oh my gosh. Like, I do so many 369 00:22:55,239 --> 00:22:58,359 things. I've gathered a lot of tools from a lot of different 370 00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:02,219 traditions and a lot of different what do we even? 371 00:23:02,219 --> 00:23:07,379 Modalities, even, because I wanted I needed help physically, 372 00:23:07,379 --> 00:23:10,859 somatically, I needed help spiritually, right? I needed 373 00:23:10,859 --> 00:23:14,279 help. You know, in my subconscious, like reprogramming 374 00:23:14,279 --> 00:23:17,999 my subconscious, I needed help with practical neuroscience, 375 00:23:17,999 --> 00:23:22,399 right, patterns and habits and being able to like interrupt the 376 00:23:22,399 --> 00:23:26,179 way that that my brain would like was going down habit road 377 00:23:26,179 --> 00:23:30,079 all the time, as my teacher, Melissa tears, says, right. So I 378 00:23:30,079 --> 00:23:33,379 wanted to be able to help myself mentally, emotionally, 379 00:23:33,379 --> 00:23:37,159 physically and spiritually. And that's where, like all the 380 00:23:37,159 --> 00:23:41,019 different things that I, you know, trained in and studied and 381 00:23:41,019 --> 00:23:45,459 practiced, and now also teach and share with my clients, my 382 00:23:45,459 --> 00:23:48,939 one to one clients who, you know, join me in the quest. And 383 00:23:48,939 --> 00:23:53,859 then also my membership people, my beautiful nesties, as I call 384 00:23:53,859 --> 00:23:58,059 them, my group coaching program. The nest is passing these things 385 00:23:58,059 --> 00:24:02,039 down, and that's the beautiful thing is once you just admit, 386 00:24:02,039 --> 00:24:06,119 like, I don't know everything, and I do need help, and let go 387 00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:10,799 of the shame, and let go of the story, and let go of this idea 388 00:24:10,799 --> 00:24:13,439 that you now, just because you're an adult, you're supposed 389 00:24:13,439 --> 00:24:17,399 to know how to do everything. And this is the thing, like this 390 00:24:17,399 --> 00:24:21,379 bot, I always say, like as human beings, right? Like moving 391 00:24:21,379 --> 00:24:25,399 through the world in this body, with this brain, with our life 392 00:24:25,399 --> 00:24:29,899 experiences and stuff, we're operating heavy machinery, and 393 00:24:29,899 --> 00:24:34,939 like nobody gave us the manual. So why should we be surprised 394 00:24:35,419 --> 00:24:40,339 that we need help, and why should we feel bad about it, or 395 00:24:40,339 --> 00:24:44,619 talk down to ourselves or see ourselves as less than it's a 396 00:24:44,619 --> 00:24:49,479 really powerful thing to ask for help. And my hope for you, you 397 00:24:49,479 --> 00:24:52,359 know, I look at like I look but first of all, my hope for you is 398 00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:56,859 that you receive good help when you ask for it, that nobody like 399 00:24:56,919 --> 00:25:00,599 you know, makes you feel stupid because of it. Um. That you are 400 00:25:00,599 --> 00:25:05,819 met with kindness and openness, and that your curiosity and your 401 00:25:05,819 --> 00:25:10,319 desire to change, to transform, to grow, to learn, to better 402 00:25:10,319 --> 00:25:14,399 yourself, right? Is met with enthusiasm and encouragement, 403 00:25:15,479 --> 00:25:18,059 because otherwise, like you know, if anybody's trying to 404 00:25:18,059 --> 00:25:21,559 tear you down or try to make you feel stupid because you need 405 00:25:21,559 --> 00:25:24,379 help with something. Here. They can suck it in a bucket. You 406 00:25:24,379 --> 00:25:27,379 know what I'm saying? Like them, move on. Find somebody else, 407 00:25:27,379 --> 00:25:32,119 because they're not your people. Okay, so I also, you guys know, 408 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:35,479 Marita and I do a lot of daily reading. I have like, a bunch of 409 00:25:35,479 --> 00:25:38,059 what you can call them daily devotionals. You can just call 410 00:25:38,059 --> 00:25:41,019 them daily books, read books that I read on the daily that 411 00:25:41,019 --> 00:25:45,699 are literally, you know, broken down. It'll say, like, June, 412 00:25:45,699 --> 00:25:48,939 whatever. June, 14, June, 16, June, whatever. May this, 413 00:25:48,939 --> 00:25:54,459 whatever. Okay, so some of you may know who Ryan Holiday is, 414 00:25:54,819 --> 00:25:59,319 and Ryan Holiday, I had just read to you about meditations 415 00:25:59,319 --> 00:26:02,339 Marcus Aurelius, right? This is like, he's known as one of like, 416 00:26:02,339 --> 00:26:07,199 the Stoics and philosophers of stoicism. And so I also read the 417 00:26:07,199 --> 00:26:08,999 Daily stoic. And this is 366 418 00:26:10,260 --> 00:26:13,320 meditations on wisdom, perseverance in the art of 419 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:19,200 living. And Ryan Holiday, this is his book. He and Steven 420 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,460 Hanselman wrote this. But what was awesome is when I was 421 00:26:22,460 --> 00:26:26,720 flipping through this and reading this, the reading for 422 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:30,500 Marcus Aurelius, 7.7 which I shared with you earlier, came 423 00:26:30,500 --> 00:26:33,920 came up right? Don't be ashamed of needing help. And I also want 424 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:37,040 to share with you something that Ryan said, because it's right in 425 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,660 line with what what's been on my hat, and it made me smile the 426 00:26:40,660 --> 00:26:44,020 whole time I read it. He says, so he starts with the quote from 427 00:26:44,020 --> 00:26:47,200 Marcus Aurelius, right, the stoic quote. And then he says, 428 00:26:47,380 --> 00:26:50,560 no one ever said you were born with all the two tools you'd 429 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:54,640 need to solve every problem you'd face in life. In fact, as 430 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:58,540 a newborn, you were practically helpless. Yes, someone helped 431 00:26:58,540 --> 00:27:01,260 you then, and you came to understand that you could ask 432 00:27:01,260 --> 00:27:05,460 for help. It was how you knew you were loved. Isn't that so 433 00:27:05,460 --> 00:27:09,600 nice? And then he goes on to say, well, you are still loved. 434 00:27:09,900 --> 00:27:13,740 You can ask anyone for help. You don't have to face everything on 435 00:27:13,740 --> 00:27:19,980 your own. If you need help, comrade, just ask. And I love 436 00:27:19,980 --> 00:27:23,900 that, right? It's like, and this has been the hot beat, not from 437 00:27:23,900 --> 00:27:26,060 this. I mean, this was something I've been talking about long 438 00:27:26,060 --> 00:27:30,200 before I read this book. But nobody can do the work for you, 439 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,320 right? Whatever the thing is that you need help with, whether 440 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:37,520 it's like, you know, getting out of your own way, or like, you 441 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:42,940 know, trying to, trying to make your way through. You know your 442 00:27:42,940 --> 00:27:46,240 lack of self worth, your lack of self love, the struggle that you 443 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,480 have, you know, in your relationships within yourself, 444 00:27:49,540 --> 00:27:52,120 the spiritual struggles, the mental struggles, the emotional 445 00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:55,720 struggle. You know all this stuff you know you don't have to 446 00:27:56,260 --> 00:27:59,920 nobody can do that work for you, but you don't have to do it on 447 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:03,780 your own. And having somebody that walks along beside you is a 448 00:28:03,780 --> 00:28:07,500 game changer. It's a game changer. It has been true in my 449 00:28:07,500 --> 00:28:10,200 life. It has been true in the lives of my clients. It's been 450 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:14,340 true in the lives of people that I know, who I've coached, but 451 00:28:14,340 --> 00:28:18,780 also other people and friends who have that I know, who have 452 00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:21,680 also had their own coaches, their own mentors, their own 453 00:28:21,860 --> 00:28:25,760 teachers, their own help is, you know what I mean. So I guess I 454 00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:29,000 just kind of want to normalize this for you, because I think 455 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:32,600 we've been sold a bill of goods, sometimes from our families, 456 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:36,200 sometimes from teachers, right? Sometimes from coaches, 457 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,320 sometimes from elders, sometimes from whoever your siblings, 458 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:42,580 whatever your environment, that we're supposed to have it all 459 00:28:42,580 --> 00:28:45,760 figured out, and we're somehow stupid because we don't. And 460 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:50,080 look, I'm the person in every lecture, in every class. I'm 461 00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:54,520 going to ask, like, a gazillion questions, and I'm going to ask 462 00:28:54,520 --> 00:29:00,040 until I understand, because I don't. I no longer feel bad 463 00:29:00,100 --> 00:29:04,980 about not knowing things or needing help. And it has been so 464 00:29:04,980 --> 00:29:08,400 freeing for me to be able to just raise my hand and be like, 465 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:11,760 Yeah, I don't get it. Or, Hey, can you show me that again? Or 466 00:29:11,940 --> 00:29:15,360 that pot one, like, okay, I get Pat one, but like, Pat two, you 467 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:19,680 lost me. Or, can you please help me to understand how to do this? 468 00:29:20,100 --> 00:29:25,220 And look, I'm just gonna say this because I see it, I just 469 00:29:25,220 --> 00:29:30,140 see it, I just see it. I just see it. I'm grabbing my face. If 470 00:29:30,140 --> 00:29:32,420 you're not watching this, you can probably hear it in my 471 00:29:32,420 --> 00:29:36,860 voice. Chat, GPT is not your new coach. Chat, GPT is not your new 472 00:29:36,860 --> 00:29:42,340 spiritual mentor. It will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever be 473 00:29:42,460 --> 00:29:47,320 able to replace the hat and the intimacy of human connection. 474 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:50,080 It's never going to be able to replace somebody being able to 475 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,680 look you right in the eye as you tell your story, as you pour out 476 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,800 your soul, and as you ask for help, and the other person says, 477 00:29:56,800 --> 00:30:00,840 I'm here. I've got you. I've got your back. John. That GTP can 478 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:05,220 give you all kinds of information, but as my beautiful 479 00:30:05,220 --> 00:30:08,820 friend Mary Ann C says, information does not heal. 480 00:30:09,300 --> 00:30:14,100 Intimacy heals, and we need that hat to hat. We need that face to 481 00:30:14,100 --> 00:30:18,000 face. We need that human connection. And even books like 482 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:21,500 books can be great, but let me tell you something. I can read 483 00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:23,540 something in a book, and there are people who learn 484 00:30:23,540 --> 00:30:27,860 fantastically from just reading, and I know like that's I learn 485 00:30:27,860 --> 00:30:32,720 in different ways, as well as, like, reading, but being able to 486 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:36,200 do something alongside somebody, somebody who can really see us 487 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:39,500 and acknowledge our brilliance, but is also not afraid to call 488 00:30:39,500 --> 00:30:42,700 us out on our bullshit, and to say, Hey, I'm seeing a pattern 489 00:30:42,700 --> 00:30:45,880 here, like, hey, what about this? You know, it's not going 490 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:50,140 to be it's like, humans can't be replaced in that way. You know, 491 00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:54,340 chat GPT can't give you a hug. Chat GPT can't, like, hold your 492 00:30:54,340 --> 00:30:57,100 hand while you're crying. Do you know what I'm saying? Chat GPT 493 00:30:57,100 --> 00:31:04,800 can't see you. It's just so take that for what you will. I don't 494 00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:08,880 think that the quality and the caliber of that kind of 495 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:12,780 information is ever going to replace human tenderness and 496 00:31:12,780 --> 00:31:17,220 human grace. And you know, having a human mentor or a coach 497 00:31:18,180 --> 00:31:22,760 who's gone before and knows kind of where these places are. Yeah, 498 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:25,640 information will only get you so far, I guess, is what I'm trying 499 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:29,240 to say. So if you're somebody who's been a little afraid to 500 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:34,640 ask for help, I hope that this, in some way, is going to give 501 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:39,800 you the courage, maybe a little motivation or inspiration, to 502 00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:42,400 say, You know what? I don't have to figure everything out on my 503 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,860 own. I'm not expected to know how everything in the world 504 00:31:44,860 --> 00:31:47,320 works. You know, there's a reason why all those books, how 505 00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:50,800 things work like, exist, because we don't know, you know what I 506 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,500 mean, like, You're not expected to know how to change a tie 507 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:56,260 without having ever done one before. You're not expected to 508 00:31:56,260 --> 00:31:59,800 know how to like, like, you know, not a tie. If you're a 509 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:02,460 young person who wants to wear, you know, or anybody who wants 510 00:32:02,460 --> 00:32:05,160 to wear a tie, like, if nobody taught you how to shave, if 511 00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:09,300 nobody taught you, like, you know, how to, you know, operate 512 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:12,480 a lawn mower, or whatever it is, things that might seem really 513 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,660 simple and basic to another person if you've never been 514 00:32:15,660 --> 00:32:18,660 exposed to it. How should you know how to do it? How should 515 00:32:18,660 --> 00:32:21,200 you know how to be in a relationship where there's 516 00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:25,040 intimacy and deep emotional, excuse me, conversations and 517 00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:28,040 connections, if you've never had it before, if it was never 518 00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:32,120 mirrored for you, if it was never if it was never played out 519 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:35,180 in front of you, if you never saw a healthy marriage, how are 520 00:32:35,180 --> 00:32:37,640 you supposed to know how to do it? If your parents all they did 521 00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,040 was scream and yell at each other, how are you supposed to 522 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:43,780 learn maybe it became painful enough, and you decided I'm 523 00:32:43,780 --> 00:32:46,480 never going to do that like I'm going to be a person who, like, 524 00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:49,540 talks about my feelings rather than screams, you know, or 525 00:32:49,540 --> 00:32:55,720 whatever, maybe. But we get so conditioned as young people. We 526 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,540 are literally being hypnotized all the time as young people, 527 00:32:58,780 --> 00:33:01,620 you know. And it gets in there, it gets in there, and sometimes 528 00:33:01,620 --> 00:33:04,260 we need help and support breaking those patterns, and one 529 00:33:04,260 --> 00:33:07,620 of those patterns and habits is believing that it's not okay to 530 00:33:07,620 --> 00:33:12,180 ask for help. So let's destigmatize this. Let's unchain 531 00:33:12,180 --> 00:33:16,380 this, and know that you know you are loved and that you are 532 00:33:16,380 --> 00:33:19,140 smart, and there are people who want to help you, and you're not 533 00:33:19,140 --> 00:33:22,460 expected to know how to do everything you know, and I try 534 00:33:22,460 --> 00:33:26,480 to remind my clients of this all the time. A lot of things were 535 00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:31,340 not demonstrated to us and how to do things in a healthy way, 536 00:33:31,340 --> 00:33:37,700 or in a way that is in a way that is moving us in the 537 00:33:37,700 --> 00:33:41,320 direction of how we actually want to be and how we actually 538 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:45,400 want to feel. You know, we just have, sometimes have an old, 539 00:33:45,460 --> 00:33:51,040 rusty set of tools. We need new ones, and that's okay. And there 540 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,920 are people out there who want to help you, and there are people 541 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,800 out there that you can hire to help you, to walk along beside 542 00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:59,500 you, and there's no shame with that too. You know, sometimes we 543 00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:02,400 think, Well, I have friends and I have family members. You know 544 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,880 that? You know I should be able to ask them, Well, I love you. 545 00:34:05,940 --> 00:34:08,820 And sometimes our friends are like, knuckleheads, like, 546 00:34:08,820 --> 00:34:12,120 sometimes they are not the ones. A lot of times, your friends are 547 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:15,180 just going to agree with you, and they're going to yes you, 548 00:34:15,180 --> 00:34:17,760 and they're going to be like, yeah, you have every right to be 549 00:34:18,240 --> 00:34:22,160 mad because he did this and she did the it's like you need 550 00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:25,280 people in your life who are going to stop you and say, Hey, 551 00:34:25,340 --> 00:34:29,300 but yeah, it sounds like you don't really like whoever taught 552 00:34:29,300 --> 00:34:34,340 you how to forgive. Do you know what I'm saying? Some of the who 553 00:34:34,340 --> 00:34:38,840 taught you how to really love, who taught you how to express 554 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:46,240 yourself, who taught you how to help your nervous system to feel 555 00:34:46,240 --> 00:34:49,300 more safety in the world. This is what I'm saying. There's so 556 00:34:49,300 --> 00:34:52,600 much we don't know, and if we can just accept it, and if we 557 00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:55,780 can be willing to try something new, and to say to ourselves, 558 00:34:55,780 --> 00:34:58,900 there must be a better way, and then to be open and receptive, 559 00:34:59,140 --> 00:35:03,720 to ask your in. Teacher right to ask your inner teacher, and then 560 00:35:03,720 --> 00:35:08,880 maybe an outer teacher somewhere to go help guide you. It can be 561 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,460 life changing. It can be completely transformative. And I 562 00:35:11,460 --> 00:35:13,980 know because I'm living proof. So that's all I wanted to say 563 00:35:13,980 --> 00:35:18,180 today. Little Love Letter from my hat to yours, because I know 564 00:35:18,180 --> 00:35:20,720 what it's like trying to move through the world trying to 565 00:35:20,720 --> 00:35:24,200 figure it all out on your own. It's exhausting. It's 566 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:28,700 exhausting. And you know, if you can find somebody where you feel 567 00:35:28,700 --> 00:35:32,900 safe enough to kind of put down your deuce, to lower your dukes 568 00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:36,920 and to lower that shield and to be vulnerable, it can be 569 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:41,920 absolutely life changing. So I hope again, hope this is helpful 570 00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:45,280 in some way, and you can always find out the ways to work with 571 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,520 me on my website. Karen kenney.com, I'm never shy about 572 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,640 it. That's where to find me. It's easy. You'll see things for 573 00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:55,480 the nest and the quest and yoga and even how to use my tip, ja, 574 00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:59,380 how to join my email list so that you find out shenanigans 575 00:35:59,380 --> 00:36:02,160 and what's going on. I have some cool events actually, that I'm 576 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:05,880 going to be doing in the next few months. So if you want to 577 00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,280 find out what those are like, get on my newsletter. Just Karen 578 00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:08,520 kenney.com/sign, 579 00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:12,720 up. Alright, you guys. Thank you so much for tuning in. Wherever 580 00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:17,760 you go, may you leave the animals and the people and the 581 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:22,520 place in the environment, the planet in yourself better than 582 00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:27,140 how you first found it. Wherever you go, may you and your love 583 00:36:27,140 --> 00:36:31,580 and your presence and your energy and your willingness to 584 00:36:31,580 --> 00:36:37,640 ask for help be a blessing. Let me also say this because it just 585 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:40,720 came to my head, and when spiritual team s, t, o, t, J, 586 00:36:40,720 --> 00:36:45,640 they hit me thing. Sometimes when we think we're being a 587 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:51,280 burden to somebody else, right? If we don't ask for help, we are 588 00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:56,080 robbing the other person of an opportunity to also be your 589 00:36:56,080 --> 00:37:01,260 friend, to also be helpful. It feels really nice when you're 590 00:37:01,380 --> 00:37:05,040 able to help another person, and if we never ask for help, and if 591 00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:08,640 we insist on doing everything on our own, and if we don't allow 592 00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:12,480 other people to help us, we sometimes Rob other people of 593 00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:16,020 being able to also have that really satisfactory feeling of 594 00:37:16,020 --> 00:37:19,260 knowing that they did a kind thing or that they you know What 595 00:37:19,260 --> 00:37:25,220 I'm saying. So okay, just had to say that before I go. Okay, bye. 596 00:37:25,220 --> 00:37:28,820 Have a great rest of your night, your day, your week. Okay, much 597 00:37:28,820 --> 00:37:29,180 love you.