Karen Kenney: Hey, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I am
super duper excited to be here with you today. Thank you so
much for tuning in. If it's your first time here. Hi. Welcome so
happy to have you. If you have been with me a few times, if you
wait, that sounded good. If you if you've been around the block
with me a few times, I'm waggling my eyebrows at you. Oh
my god, thank you for coming back. I super appreciate you
loyal listeners. I couldn't do it without you. So in my hand
I'm holding up this book. It's called meditations, by Marcus
Aurelius, and this is the translation by Gregory Hayes,
this is such a fantastic book. So some of you may know this
about me, that I am a writer. I am a storyteller. I am a lover
of books and words and reading and books have absolutely like
changed my life. And you know, back in the day, way back in the
day. And I was just talking about this with my friend Tess
masters. Tess masters also known as the blender girl. Some of you
might know her as the blender girl, but Tess has a podcast.
It's fantastic. It's called, it has to be me, and I'm actually
going to be on her podcast. It's coming out, actually, on the
same day as this episode. So Thursday, I think June 19, 2025,
I think that's when it's coming out. So she and I were just like
talking, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make a point about, first of
all, the name of this episode, right, asking for help. But she
and I were kind of talking about how, back in the day before,
there were like, all these coaches and all these, like
certified mentors and like all these people that you could hire
like when you needed support, like back in the day, so much of
how I helped myself transform, make changes, do stuff is I read
books like I found so much wisdom, and so many of my
mentors were like, first and foremost in written form, in
like, the Self Help section of like, you know, the the crown
bookstore in California, or borders here, you know, in conk
and whatever. So back in the day, like I said before, there
are people like me now who are, like, certified spiritual
mentors, certified coaches, all these things you had to, you had
to help yourself, right, like the self there was a reason why
it was called the Self Help section. And if you wanted to
make change and stuff, you had to, like, go do the work. Just
to do the work, meaning, like, you had to get your ass to the
bookstore to buy the thing. You had to order the cassettes, or
you had to go to a lecture to meet somebody in person. There
was no internet. There was no like, dialing it up and like
hiring people online or whatever. So back in the day,
like we really had to do it, and a lot of it came through books.
And this book, Marcus Aurelius meditations, was, like such a
powerful and potent it still is. That's why I'm like, I reread it
all the time. I picked this sucker up all the time and thumb
through it. And I was reading it this morning, and I was like, Oh
my God, I want to make sure that I talked about this. And then I
went back, and I tried to check through my episodes, and I'm
like, How have I never done an episode called asking for help?
I, for sure, have talked about, you know, talked about asking
for help, or getting help in, like, certain situations. I
think I had an episode called, How can I help, or whatever, but
I don't think I've ever approached it in quite this way.
But let me read to you what this this passage in meditations,
Marcus Aurelius. Now this book, this book, the translation by
Gregory Hayes. It's like bitten, bitten. No, it's not been, it's
broken, broken down into like 12 different books. That's what
they're calling them, like 12 little books. And in book seven,
so it's like 7.7 so Book Seven, entry seven, 7.7 I just read
this today. I highlighted it here, and I thought it was so
fantastic. And I want to share with you, because I think it's
wicked helpful, especially for us, some of us New England kids.
And it's actually, it's actually fitting that I'm wearing my navy
mass hole, my navy mass hole t shirt today, because for us
little mass holes, this is a really wicked helpful reminder.
It says, Don't be ashamed to need help. Like a soldier
storming a wall, you have a mission to accomplish, and if
you've been wounded and you need a comrade to pull you up, so
what? So what? Don't be ashamed to need help. And I thought this
was so fantastic when I first read it, and it stopped me in my
tracks, because I was a kid who, because of my upbringing, and I
guarantee you somebody else there, if not, many of you out
there are going to be able to relate to this. So one of the
things that happens a lot with like traumatized kids, not all
of. Like everybody kind of responds to the events of their
life differently, but a lot of us became like hyper
independent. Some of us became hyper independent because we
were number one, highly unsupervised, highly, highly
unsupervised as children. Oh, my God. I always, I always jokingly
say, I write about this in my memoir, and I say, you know, we
weren't just highly unsupervised. We were like,
fucking feral. We were like, feral, you know. So you had a
bunch of, like, first of all, you had a bunch of young
parents. I always call it like babies raising babies. That was
kind of how it was. And a lot of times those quote, unquote
babies, which were the adults, the parents, the Guardians,
whatever, the people who are supposed to be taking care of
us. You know, they were like working. We were like blue
collar kids. They were either, like, working two jobs, three
jobs, hustling on the side, or just off doing shit like, I
mean, you know, I generation, they had to, like, do a
commercial, like a public service a PSA, a public service
announcement. You guys remember that sucker? And it was
different celebrities, and they like Grace Jones and Andy Warhol
and like, I'm trying to think there were a bunch of them. And
they'd like, stare into the camera, and they'd be like, it's
10pm Do you know where you I can't even get through it. It's
so funny to me. It's 10pm Do you know where your children are?
Here's the answer, no, most of them did not know where we were
again because we were in feral we were just like running
around. Okay, but the reason why I'm telling you all this is a
lot of times we did not have good guidance. A lot of times we
didn't always have people who were, like, teaching us or
helping us or showing us. So we had to figure out a lot of stuff
on our own. And because of that, we tended to become really like,
like, talk about self help. We had to help ourselves quite a
bit. We became vigilant, like, almost like, hyper, hyper
independent. And in some ways, that can be a really powerful
and beautiful thing, because we, like, we That's the original
fafo, right? F, A, F, O, fuck around. Find out. We had to a
lot of times. Find out the hard way, because nobody was telling
us, like, Hey, you might not want to play on the train
tracks. Like, hey, you might want to, might not want to drive
over there and, like, buy drugs off that person you don't know.
Like, hey, you might not want to, like, go do this thing. You
know what I mean. So a lot of times we had to find out the
hard
way. But which can be valuable, right? Like, being really
independent is a powerful thing. It is also when it leans too
far, goes too far, it's like a trauma response, and you start
to feel like that you cannot ask for help. Number one, because
there's nobody there to actually help you. Number two, you don't
want to when you get rewarded, that's another thing that
happens is when you don't ask for a lot of help a lot of
times, especially if you're in a family where there's already one
sibling or one child who is challenged or sick or struggling
or whatever's going on with them, and your parents might not
have a lot in the tank left over, like for you or for your
siblings or anybody else, right? So whatever, there's different
circumstances. It could be. You could have grown up in an
alcoholic household, or a drug, you know, drug use, whatever.
There's 1000 ways where families, right, or parents or
guardians, whoever you grew up with, you're in foster care,
whatever. There just weren't people available to, like, walk
you through some of the harder parts of things. And another
thing that also happens in a lot of families, and especially, I
know, for like, a lot of blue collar kids and kids I grew up
with, you know, you would often feel shame for needing help,
yeah, for if you you felt like you couldn't ask for help, and
to ask for help made you look weak, made you sound weak. Now,
it's one thing if you're asking for help, sometimes for physical
things, like, like, Hey, I gotta move. And there's like, I only
gotta, you know, I only got my little car, and I need help,
like, those kinds of things. It's not necessarily that,
although I have known people who would just go rent a U haul and
like, you know, rather just like, and just try to do it all
themselves, rather than ask for help, because a lot of times,
you know that stigma of needing help, especially, especially
emotionally and mentally. You know, it was okay to to ask
people to help you, like, move a table, move a couch, like, do
something like that, right? Because when things would be,
quote, unquote, physically impossible, but to ask for help
because you were struggling emotionally, to ask for help
because you were struggling, you know, mentally, a lot of times
it was seen as a weakness. And what I love about this little
passage, again, you know, in in meditations is it's just saying,
Don't be ashamed to need help like a soldier storming a wall.
You have a mission to accomplish, and if you've been
wounded and you need a comrade to pull you up, so what? And I
really. Relate this, like, if you've been wounded, like, yeah,
maybe some shit went down in your childhood. Maybe some stuff
happened to you as a young person, or as a young teenager,
or young, you know, human being, where you weren't given
everything that you needed. And that could literally be like the
clothes on your back, food in your in your body. It could have
been the protection that you needed. It could have been the
education that you needed, the support that you needed, you
know, there's a lot of ways that kids fell through cracks, you
know, and still, still to this day, I'm not just saying, like,
Oh, back then, that's how I can, you know, I always say, I tend
to talk about my own experiences, because that's what
I tend to be an expert on. Like, that's what I tend to, like,
know about. And I don't assume that everybody has had the same
experience as me, but I think a lot of us can relate, you know.
And I think that this is prevalent, not just for, you
know, blue collar kids, but also you see it in different
populations, you know, where it can be hard for men to say, to
admit, like, Hey, I'm struggling, or whatever, like,
I'm having a hard time emotionally, you know, for a lot
of for a lot of boys and men, you're not allowed, you're not
allowed to, like, cry or have those feelings in some people's
homes coming up, you know. And I really was, like, thinking about
this, because this stigma of the stigma of like, asking for help
makes you weak, or you should be ashamed. And I started thinking
about how, like, when you're born, right? When you're like,
born into this little body, you cannot feed yourself, you cannot
clothe yourself, you cannot, like, get around on your own.
You know, you, you, you are totally helpless. You cannot
verbalize other than to cry, right? You cannot verbalize your
wants, your needs, like your suffering, like, I've got a wet
diet. All you can do is, like, cry, but like, you're completely
helpless. We didn't know how to do jack shit as a baby, except,
like, stick our feet in our own mouths and like, you know, make
faces and, you know, and poop in a diaper. Like, that's what we
knew how to do, right? So from the time we were little kids, we
needed help, and we could ask for help. Like, think about it,
we didn't know how to ride bikes, we didn't know how to tie
our own shoes. We didn't know how to make, like, a sandwich.
Like, we didn't know how to do things. We didn't know how to
sew or cook or do laundry or drive a car or, like, think
about the gazillion things that we didn't know how to do when we
were little kids, when we were young, when we were babies, and
how much help we needed, not only how much help we needed,
how much help we probably got. I'm not saying they were
perfect. I'm not saying our parents were perfect, but how
much help we kind of did. We learned how to button a button.
We learned how to zip a zip up. We learned how to like, you
know, walk to school. We learned how to like, you know, read a
book. Not everybody, but a lot of us, you know what I mean. So
we got, like, a shit ton of help. So we were also, though,
encouraged. We were often encouraged by teachers. Like, if
you don't know something, raise your hand. Let me help you,
right? That's a whole profession of like tudas. What do you think
tutas Are? Tutors are designed to, like, help kids who are
struggling with a particular subject, you know? And when you
just still look around you people in my profession, what I
call the helping professions, right? The service professions.
We're here. I always say, if everybody figured everything out
on their own, if everybody was doing fantastic, like, I
wouldn't have a job, you know, I wouldn't be teaching yoga if
everybody knew how to do it and do it fantastically and didn't
need help. You know what I'm saying? I wouldn't be a
spiritual mentor. I wouldn't be an integrative coach. I wouldn't
be doing any of these things if nobody needed help. And so I
want to, kind of like normalize this, for us to get out of this,
this old limitation, like limiting mindset, that that it's
weak somehow to ask for help. And I think we're kind of like,
sold this load of bullshit that, like, just because we're a
certain age, or just because we've gone through a certain
thing, we should, quote, unquote, know this already. We
should know how to do these things, and sometimes we just
need a little bit of help. Because, again, we have to go
back to, like, the brain, right? And how the brain functions. The
brain is always going to try to access, like, what's familiar.
It's going to want to try and, like, do things based on what
it's already experienced. You know, it goes it time travels.
Obviously, it likes to time travel into the past and and
just assign meaning to, like, the Oh, I know how this cup is
going to be, I know how this chair is going to be, I know how
this trip is going to be. I know how this person is going to be.
Because I've interacted with them before. So it's always like
looking for the familiar. It's not really, I think it's so
fascinating how much we rely on on the brain. And a lot of times
I will say to people like, Okay, here's the deal. Your your best
thinking, like your number one, numero uno, like best thinking
with your current brain is what got you here, right into
trouble, into this suffering, into this pattern, into this
habit, into this way of being like your best thinking. So if
you want to do something different or novel or new or
transformative or make change like what got you here is not
going to get you there, and we need to bring in, sometimes, new
resources, new tools, new teachers, new help is right. Who
can you know, not boss you around and like, wag their
finger and tell you like at you and tell you like what to do,
but can certainly be a guide along the way, you know, and
say, Hey, and I used to hate, like hate asking for help for a
couple of reasons. Number one, I had that old stigma of like to
ask for help is weak. Number two, right? Part of the ego and
part of like, the pride of like, I like to do things on my own.
Look how independent I am, look how capable I am, right? That
felt good to be able to do that. Also, there's another thing that
kind of happens with a lot of that kind of,
you know, the upbringings that I came from in like, trauma, and I
know other people again, double Amen hands, if you can relate to
what I'm about to say is that you don't ever want to feel like
a burden to somebody else. You don't want to feel like you're a
bother or that you're bothering somebody else, right? That's one
of the things, and it's also like risking rejection, like
you're going to ask for help and somebody's going to say no. And,
man, what that would do to like a kid like me back in the day,
like I would just feel ashamed, first of all, for having to ask
for help, and then if I allowed myself to be vulnerable and ask
for help, and like, gotta know, oh my god. Like, back then, that
would have just felt like I just inside, like I just got a little
squishy, like, my hat, just like, squeezed a little bit
thinking about, like, younger me, like, trying to be so brave,
and, like, put down her Dukes, you know, and like, Vicky with
2k from large is being like, Okay, I'm gonna ask for help,
and if somebody, like, you know, wasn't nice to me about it, or
made me feel stupid for needing help, or I felt ashamed. Like,
why can't you figure this out? Like, how do you not already
know how to do this? Right? That's the thing again, the mass
hole thing, right? There's like, people talk about people from
Boston and people from Massachusetts, like, they'll
say, we're kind, but we're not nice, meaning we're kind. We'll
help you. We'll do stuff for you. We'll literally give you
the shirt off our back, but we're going to bust your balls
the whole time we're doing it. We're going to make fun of you
and be sarcastic and, you know, cheap shot you, and do all that
stuff. And I'm like, Oh my god. So like, a lot of times, your
vulnerability, you know, I always say, when you we when we
would have tender places as a kid, you would think that
another human being would recognize that it's a tender
place, so that they would tread lightly and it's no they would
find your tender place, and they would find, like, noogie it, you
know, like they would go for it. So there's kind of like this
built in protective measure across the board, for a lot of
people, where they're expected, they feel like they're expected
to know so many things. And I remember, you know, I remember,
like, back even, even as a my mother, like, I got, I got my
sex talk pretty young. I think I was, like, six years old. And so
I also learned all about menstruation and girls having
their period, and, like, the whole thing, which I totally
dreaded, like I totally dreaded. And, you know, my mother, I
think, taught me about, like, I know she did. She taught me
about, like, maxi pads and whatever, and said, like, there
were, you know, other things, like tampons, whatever, Playtex,
Kotex, all the different brands. But she died before I ever used
a tampon. And I remember I did not want to ask my sister to
show me how to do it. I wasn't going to ask my aunt. I was
like, nope, right? Like, and so I had to figure it out on my
own. And I'll never forget that whole experience. You know, it's
like, you don't know what size to buy, like, you have to go to
the store and, like, get them, and you get then you get to go
and, like, figure it out, and the string and the whole thing.
I'm sure somebody out there is laughing right now, because you
too, you too, had to figure it out on your own. But then I
helped other girlfriends who also had, who were also feral,
who were also highly unsupervised, right? Who didn't
want to wear maxi pads like you know, again, I'm not bagging on
any. Anybody who that was your preference, or whatever. Just
for me, it was not my preference. So I apologize for
making it. But for me, it was just like, No. But I also had
to, like, help them. And one of the things that I try to remind
myself all the time as a reminder, obviously, for my tone
of voice with other people like I never want people to feel
ashamed for not knowing things. I want to reward curiosity and I
want to reward courage and vulnerability when somebody like
doesn't know how something works or doesn't understand something,
and it's so easy to be flippant, right? I know I've done it. I
know I've been quote, unquote guilty of this before in my
past, and I really try to be mindful these days, because I
had to reform my own thinking about like, it's okay that I
don't know how to do everything. It's okay that I might need a
like, you know, a reminder on how to like, you know, do
something, you know, and in this world where everything is
becoming increasingly, like, more technical, I've just
accepted, I always say, the older I get, the more that I
realize that, like, it just becomes painfully aware to me,
like, just how much I don't know. So I am willing to take a
book out, or to buy a book or to read an article or to Google
something, but sometimes it just hits a point when you're like, I
need another human being to sit down with me and to walk me
through this, to talk me through this, to show me how they
approach this thing. Preferably, I always say like, again with
Marcus Aurelius, right in meditations. I'm like, when
smarty pants people are saying smarty pants things, I am smarty
pants enough to pay attention and to listen, right? So I try
to, like, go to, you know, somebody who I feel like has
been successful in doing this thing before me, or a friend who
I think is pretty smart, and I'm like, maybe we can figure this
out together. And that's the thing, like, where my work comes
in. You know, it's like, I kind of like, through my own desire
to end my own suffering, and as long as we're human, there's
gonna be suffering, right? I mean, we cannot eradicate all
suffering, however, we can gather some tools and some
perspectives and some resources to help us as we're navigating
these things, so we're not suffering as much. And I know
for myself along the way. You know, I had some teachers, and I
certainly had a shit ton of books that really, really,
really helped me, but it was that human connection, the
intimacy of another person being with me and talking with me and,
you know, helping me to see again, to shift my mind, maybe
from a perspective of fear to one of love, you know, to gather
different tools. And it's why, you know, when people say to me,
like, what do you do? I'm like, Oh my gosh. Like, I do so many
things. I've gathered a lot of tools from a lot of different
traditions and a lot of different what do we even?
Modalities, even, because I wanted I needed help physically,
somatically, I needed help spiritually, right? I needed
help. You know, in my subconscious, like reprogramming
my subconscious, I needed help with practical neuroscience,
right, patterns and habits and being able to like interrupt the
way that that my brain would like was going down habit road
all the time, as my teacher, Melissa tears, says, right. So I
wanted to be able to help myself mentally, emotionally,
physically and spiritually. And that's where, like all the
different things that I, you know, trained in and studied and
practiced, and now also teach and share with my clients, my
one to one clients who, you know, join me in the quest. And
then also my membership people, my beautiful nesties, as I call
them, my group coaching program. The nest is passing these things
down, and that's the beautiful thing is once you just admit,
like, I don't know everything, and I do need help, and let go
of the shame, and let go of the story, and let go of this idea
that you now, just because you're an adult, you're supposed
to know how to do everything. And this is the thing, like this
bot, I always say, like as human beings, right? Like moving
through the world in this body, with this brain, with our life
experiences and stuff, we're operating heavy machinery, and
like nobody gave us the manual. So why should we be surprised
that we need help, and why should we feel bad about it, or
talk down to ourselves or see ourselves as less than it's a
really powerful thing to ask for help. And my hope for you, you
know, I look at like I look but first of all, my hope for you is
that you receive good help when you ask for it, that nobody like
you know, makes you feel stupid because of it. Um. That you are
met with kindness and openness, and that your curiosity and your
desire to change, to transform, to grow, to learn, to better
yourself, right? Is met with enthusiasm and encouragement,
because otherwise, like you know, if anybody's trying to
tear you down or try to make you feel stupid because you need
help with something. Here. They can suck it in a bucket. You
know what I'm saying? Like them, move on. Find somebody else,
because they're not your people. Okay, so I also, you guys know,
Marita and I do a lot of daily reading. I have like, a bunch of
what you can call them daily devotionals. You can just call
them daily books, read books that I read on the daily that
are literally, you know, broken down. It'll say, like, June,
whatever. June, 14, June, 16, June, whatever. May this,
whatever. Okay, so some of you may know who Ryan Holiday is,
and Ryan Holiday, I had just read to you about meditations
Marcus Aurelius, right? This is like, he's known as one of like,
the Stoics and philosophers of stoicism. And so I also read the
Daily stoic. And this is 366
meditations on wisdom, perseverance in the art of
living. And Ryan Holiday, this is his book. He and Steven
Hanselman wrote this. But what was awesome is when I was
flipping through this and reading this, the reading for
Marcus Aurelius, 7.7 which I shared with you earlier, came
came up right? Don't be ashamed of needing help. And I also want
to share with you something that Ryan said, because it's right in
line with what what's been on my hat, and it made me smile the
whole time I read it. He says, so he starts with the quote from
Marcus Aurelius, right, the stoic quote. And then he says,
no one ever said you were born with all the two tools you'd
need to solve every problem you'd face in life. In fact, as
a newborn, you were practically helpless. Yes, someone helped
you then, and you came to understand that you could ask
for help. It was how you knew you were loved. Isn't that so
nice? And then he goes on to say, well, you are still loved.
You can ask anyone for help. You don't have to face everything on
your own. If you need help, comrade, just ask. And I love
that, right? It's like, and this has been the hot beat, not from
this. I mean, this was something I've been talking about long
before I read this book. But nobody can do the work for you,
right? Whatever the thing is that you need help with, whether
it's like, you know, getting out of your own way, or like, you
know, trying to, trying to make your way through. You know your
lack of self worth, your lack of self love, the struggle that you
have, you know, in your relationships within yourself,
the spiritual struggles, the mental struggles, the emotional
struggle. You know all this stuff you know you don't have to
nobody can do that work for you, but you don't have to do it on
your own. And having somebody that walks along beside you is a
game changer. It's a game changer. It has been true in my
life. It has been true in the lives of my clients. It's been
true in the lives of people that I know, who I've coached, but
also other people and friends who have that I know, who have
also had their own coaches, their own mentors, their own
teachers, their own help is, you know what I mean. So I guess I
just kind of want to normalize this for you, because I think
we've been sold a bill of goods, sometimes from our families,
sometimes from teachers, right? Sometimes from coaches,
sometimes from elders, sometimes from whoever your siblings,
whatever your environment, that we're supposed to have it all
figured out, and we're somehow stupid because we don't. And
look, I'm the person in every lecture, in every class. I'm
going to ask, like, a gazillion questions, and I'm going to ask
until I understand, because I don't. I no longer feel bad
about not knowing things or needing help. And it has been so
freeing for me to be able to just raise my hand and be like,
Yeah, I don't get it. Or, Hey, can you show me that again? Or
that pot one, like, okay, I get Pat one, but like, Pat two, you
lost me. Or, can you please help me to understand how to do this?
And look, I'm just gonna say this because I see it, I just
see it, I just see it. I just see it. I'm grabbing my face. If
you're not watching this, you can probably hear it in my
voice. Chat, GPT is not your new coach. Chat, GPT is not your new
spiritual mentor. It will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever be
able to replace the hat and the intimacy of human connection.
It's never going to be able to replace somebody being able to
look you right in the eye as you tell your story, as you pour out
your soul, and as you ask for help, and the other person says,
I'm here. I've got you. I've got your back. John. That GTP can
give you all kinds of information, but as my beautiful
friend Mary Ann C says, information does not heal.
Intimacy heals, and we need that hat to hat. We need that face to
face. We need that human connection. And even books like
books can be great, but let me tell you something. I can read
something in a book, and there are people who learn
fantastically from just reading, and I know like that's I learn
in different ways, as well as, like, reading, but being able to
do something alongside somebody, somebody who can really see us
and acknowledge our brilliance, but is also not afraid to call
us out on our bullshit, and to say, Hey, I'm seeing a pattern
here, like, hey, what about this? You know, it's not going
to be it's like, humans can't be replaced in that way. You know,
chat GPT can't give you a hug. Chat GPT can't, like, hold your
hand while you're crying. Do you know what I'm saying? Chat GPT
can't see you. It's just so take that for what you will. I don't
think that the quality and the caliber of that kind of
information is ever going to replace human tenderness and
human grace. And you know, having a human mentor or a coach
who's gone before and knows kind of where these places are. Yeah,
information will only get you so far, I guess, is what I'm trying
to say. So if you're somebody who's been a little afraid to
ask for help, I hope that this, in some way, is going to give
you the courage, maybe a little motivation or inspiration, to
say, You know what? I don't have to figure everything out on my
own. I'm not expected to know how everything in the world
works. You know, there's a reason why all those books, how
things work like, exist, because we don't know, you know what I
mean, like, You're not expected to know how to change a tie
without having ever done one before. You're not expected to
know how to like, like, you know, not a tie. If you're a
young person who wants to wear, you know, or anybody who wants
to wear a tie, like, if nobody taught you how to shave, if
nobody taught you, like, you know, how to, you know, operate
a lawn mower, or whatever it is, things that might seem really
simple and basic to another person if you've never been
exposed to it. How should you know how to do it? How should
you know how to be in a relationship where there's
intimacy and deep emotional, excuse me, conversations and
connections, if you've never had it before, if it was never
mirrored for you, if it was never if it was never played out
in front of you, if you never saw a healthy marriage, how are
you supposed to know how to do it? If your parents all they did
was scream and yell at each other, how are you supposed to
learn maybe it became painful enough, and you decided I'm
never going to do that like I'm going to be a person who, like,
talks about my feelings rather than screams, you know, or
whatever, maybe. But we get so conditioned as young people. We
are literally being hypnotized all the time as young people,
you know. And it gets in there, it gets in there, and sometimes
we need help and support breaking those patterns, and one
of those patterns and habits is believing that it's not okay to
ask for help. So let's destigmatize this. Let's unchain
this, and know that you know you are loved and that you are
smart, and there are people who want to help you, and you're not
expected to know how to do everything you know, and I try
to remind my clients of this all the time. A lot of things were
not demonstrated to us and how to do things in a healthy way,
or in a way that is in a way that is moving us in the
direction of how we actually want to be and how we actually
want to feel. You know, we just have, sometimes have an old,
rusty set of tools. We need new ones, and that's okay. And there
are people out there who want to help you, and there are people
out there that you can hire to help you, to walk along beside
you, and there's no shame with that too. You know, sometimes we
think, Well, I have friends and I have family members. You know
that? You know I should be able to ask them, Well, I love you.
And sometimes our friends are like, knuckleheads, like,
sometimes they are not the ones. A lot of times, your friends are
just going to agree with you, and they're going to yes you,
and they're going to be like, yeah, you have every right to be
mad because he did this and she did the it's like you need
people in your life who are going to stop you and say, Hey,
but yeah, it sounds like you don't really like whoever taught
you how to forgive. Do you know what I'm saying? Some of the who
taught you how to really love, who taught you how to express
yourself, who taught you how to help your nervous system to feel
more safety in the world. This is what I'm saying. There's so
much we don't know, and if we can just accept it, and if we
can be willing to try something new, and to say to ourselves,
there must be a better way, and then to be open and receptive,
to ask your in. Teacher right to ask your inner teacher, and then
maybe an outer teacher somewhere to go help guide you. It can be
life changing. It can be completely transformative. And I
know because I'm living proof. So that's all I wanted to say
today. Little Love Letter from my hat to yours, because I know
what it's like trying to move through the world trying to
figure it all out on your own. It's exhausting. It's
exhausting. And you know, if you can find somebody where you feel
safe enough to kind of put down your deuce, to lower your dukes
and to lower that shield and to be vulnerable, it can be
absolutely life changing. So I hope again, hope this is helpful
in some way, and you can always find out the ways to work with
me on my website. Karen kenney.com, I'm never shy about
it. That's where to find me. It's easy. You'll see things for
the nest and the quest and yoga and even how to use my tip, ja,
how to join my email list so that you find out shenanigans
and what's going on. I have some cool events actually, that I'm
going to be doing in the next few months. So if you want to
find out what those are like, get on my newsletter. Just Karen
kenney.com/sign,
up. Alright, you guys. Thank you so much for tuning in. Wherever
you go, may you leave the animals and the people and the
place in the environment, the planet in yourself better than
how you first found it. Wherever you go, may you and your love
and your presence and your energy and your willingness to
ask for help be a blessing. Let me also say this because it just
came to my head, and when spiritual team s, t, o, t, J,
they hit me thing. Sometimes when we think we're being a
burden to somebody else, right? If we don't ask for help, we are
robbing the other person of an opportunity to also be your
friend, to also be helpful. It feels really nice when you're
able to help another person, and if we never ask for help, and if
we insist on doing everything on our own, and if we don't allow
other people to help us, we sometimes Rob other people of
being able to also have that really satisfactory feeling of
knowing that they did a kind thing or that they you know What
I'm saying. So okay, just had to say that before I go. Okay, bye.
Have a great rest of your night, your day, your week. Okay, much
love you.