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Tonight on the Dudes and Dads podcast, we're talking with our friend Joel Miller, another

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Joel about maintaining relationships with your adult kids.

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Joel Andrew Joel DeMott.

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I should specify that.

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There's two Joel's tonight.

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There's so much

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Joel in this room.

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There's more Joel in this room than I've ever been a part of.

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Wow.

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That's a lot of Joel.

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Andy, how are you doing?

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Good.

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Warm.

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It was a busy weekend.

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time with my family. Yeah, it was good.

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Now we're here recording and we're doing this.

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We've been on the hot on the baseball trail these past few days and got some wins, got

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some losses, but at the end of the day, had the opportunity to sit out in 95 degree heat

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with other parents

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cheering

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our children on. What could be better? What could be better?

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I could think of a few things, but nevertheless, it was a fun time.

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And and now we're we're approaching the fourth of July already.

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Already. It's almost my my birthday month is in July.

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Let's remember that. So I'm going to claim that all month.

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I'm going to be like, hey, guys, it's my birthday.

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Let's go. Let's do the birthday month.

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When you're when you're in middle age, I think you should just spread that out

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to a month. I'm going to. Why limit it to a single day?

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Also, absolutely. Well, welcome. Well, hey, yes.

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Tonight, Andy really excited to talk with our friend, the other jewel.

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Joel, number one for some people, Joel, number two for others.

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Well, I mean, he is older than you are.

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So he did

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come. He did came first.

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He did come first. That's true.

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He existed before I did quite some time.

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Wow. He just called

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you.

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I didn't I didn't say that.

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It was a spell.

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There was a significant amount of time passed before the second jewel came around.

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But yeah, we are looking forward to a conversation.

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And I always love it when we get to have, you know, we always say on the show, we want

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to share our friends with the rest of our friends, our listening audience, and Joel's

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a good friend.

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And we're going to say, whether he is or not, he's a longtime supporter of the show.

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We're just going

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to...

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We're going to say

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that.

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We're going to say that absolutely.

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But, hey, everybody, we always want to say a big thank you to our supporters.

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That includes our friends over at Everence Financial.

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Support for our show comes from Everence.

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They're dedicated to helping to make Medicare an easy step through free educational seminars

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and individual consultations.

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Learn more at everance.com/medicare-monday.

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Securities offered through Concourse Financial Group, Securities Incorporated, member FINRA,

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SIPC.

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Awesome.

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Well, Joel, welcome to the

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show.

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Hi, Joel.

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Thank you.

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It is an honor to be here.

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That's

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good.

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Even if he insulted you a minute ago.

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I don't think it was an insult. I think

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it was a chronologically accurate statement. I think we need to go out and race

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He'd win in short and long distance which reminds me are you are you you're on the road you running you doing this once in a

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While I do run. Yeah, yeah, yeah

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He's a serious runner. You can tell serious runners by their shoes. I've seen his shoes

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I'm not a runner not a runner. I run uh-huh, but I'm not a runner. There's a big difference. Oh,

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okay

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Tell us how it's well

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I

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Love to eat. Oh, so therefore I run

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got it,

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but so you're

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not good

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at it

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You're

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an eater who runs so I have the shoes and it looks like a certain way

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But if you actually

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see me run, okay, you probably think differently. Okay.

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Well, don't don't ruin the illusion for me

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As far as I'm concerned, I've seen you preparing to run

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I've not seen you physically run but preparing to run you look to the part and so in my mind

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Well years ago my daughter actually biked beside

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me. Oh, okay, ran. Yeah, and she looked over at me and she said dad

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You must love to run. Oh, and that's when I said no, I love

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to eat got it

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And then you run you run as a result of that that makes that makes sense. Yeah, so

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Joel reason we have you on the show is

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It's several fold number one. We like again sharing our friends with other friends good life stories. You're at this interesting stage of life

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With these we'll call them still I think this isn't this they're young adults. Let's do dudes our

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dads dads

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Yeah, yeah, tell us yeah a little bit about you yourself your family

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You know how long have you been married how many kids you have that the basics all the stuff you want out on the internet

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Yeah,

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okay, okay? Well I come from a family of five of us kids. Oh, yeah

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I have two brothers and two sisters one of those brothers is a twin brother mm-hmm Jeff

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Yes, and so I'm the youngest and I'm the youngest of the twins mm-hmm dead last

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But I have been married to Angela

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who

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only has

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one sister yes, so it's a different

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Families sure

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for 33 years

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33 years I knew that was coming when I dropped that one out goodness gracious

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Congratulations,

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Oh keeping with threes. I have three kids.

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That's good. Okay three three three three three

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Run us through the children. How old are they and well?

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They've got some of them well one of them has a family of their of their

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own

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And the

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other one has

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a podcast as but

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dreams to be a podcaster herself yes

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Yes, tell

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us all about them so starting with the oldest is Bryce, and he is 27 27

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Yeah, he's been married to Darla for about three four almost going five years

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Yeah, I'm going to say five,

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but they have brought us our first grandchild

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Four months old Walter yes been a great new

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Thing in our lives that we've enjoyed that's awesome

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And then I have another son in the middle is Dustin,

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and he is currently trying to finish up

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architecture at Ball State doing a great job.

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Awesome. Really impressed with the stuff he does.

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3D printing, all that.

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A lot of fun. Crazy.

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See a new technology.

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And then Mariah, who finished up at EMU last year.

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Eastern Mennonite University for those outside of our

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Mennonite University in

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Virginia, in Virginia.

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And actually, this past year has been driving around in a van

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down

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by the river.

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Thank you.

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Thank

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you.

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I'm glad we got to say it.

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I was wondering.

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Actually, the first

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spot was in at Virginia, and she had her van parked down by the river

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at a friend of my house, Eric

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Beck.

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Did did does she get the reference?

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Have you shared the video with her?

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Because the kids these days, they don't they don't know the power of the Chris Farley van

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down by the river.

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Mariah, if you haven't seen it, you need to because it'll it'll offer special significance

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To what you're doing.

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Those are the three kids.

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That's kind of where they're at.

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Yeah.

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So the we go back and I think of and I should say full full disclosure.

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So just for context, Mariah, I've had all three of Joel's kids as a youth pastor.

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So I met them

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in there.

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You are old.

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I

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am.

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Thank you.

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Yes.

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when I started my role as the youth pastor

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here at Clint Frames.

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So I have also seen them grow up over the last decade.

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Well, it's been a decade.

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And they've all taken very, as kids do,

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'cause you're like, we raised them all in the same house,

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but boy, oh boy, are they different, right?

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- Very.

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- I mean, I think your kids are a fantastic example

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of like different interests, different personalities,

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like all of that.

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You know, one thing we did pretty on Angel and I

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is we really wanted to allow them

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to have their own interests.

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And we could pigeon hole them pretty much

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and say, well, you know, you're all good at basketball.

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We're gonna have you do that.

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But we really gave an open door.

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For whatever you wanna do,

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don't feel like you need to do what makes mom and dad happy.

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So we tried to focus on that

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as much as we could for their sake.

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- Yeah, and so - And

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they went all different places.

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- Boy,

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they did.

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So Bryce graduates high school and he says, "Mom, Dad, here's what I'm doing."

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What was his first launching out from the nest?

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You know, Bryce was focused on agriculture.

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He's a farmer and he really enjoyed it.

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He finished up at Fairfield and actually got into the program at Purdue.

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He was really excited.

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He worked hard at getting into the program and started his first semester at Purdue.

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excited about it, but very adult. He's always hung around adults. He's an old soul. He's

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an old

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soul. He came home

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after, I think it was his first semester, and he sat down on

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the couch and he looked at Angela and I and he just said, "You know, we've been at Purdue,"

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and he was at the farmhouse fraternity,

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which he had gotten into,

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and he just said, "You're

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not gonna like and I'm not gonna like the boy that comes out of here in

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four years if

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I stay.

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- Wow.

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- Oh,

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yeah.

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- Now mom and I wanted college to be, and we really tried to push him, but if you have

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a young adult, son, child that comes in and can recognize the push that he's getting and

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is not comfortable with it, yeah, get out.

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You gotta bless that and be grateful.

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- Yeah,

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'cause he was studying what ag sales, right?

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And so again, everything, I mean, on paper aligns,

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like has these passions in the agricultural industry.

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I mean, the kid could sell, you

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know,

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- Ice to an

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Eskimo.

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- Ice to an Eskimo, like, you know,

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very much the right personality for that.

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- It was his dream.

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- Yeah.

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- And he knew he was giving that up.

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- Yeah.

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- But he also knew that that wasn't a path for him.

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And you know, it goes,

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I go back to something that Angela and I worked on really young, before we even had kids,

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we went through a parenting class kind of with my brothers and sisters.

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We were all together.

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And one of the things they really talked about was implanting the morals into their moral

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warehouse

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that

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you do that young and they'll grasp it eventually.

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You might

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not always see it.

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And I think for us, that was one of those moments that, you know what, they're doing

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what we prayed about before we were born.

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Yeah, as much as we dream and want him to go to college. Yeah, he's not feeling it. Yeah

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Because of that right and I think as a parent you go, okay

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I'm super glad that he recognized the fact that like not only is are you guys not gonna like it if he says

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But he's not gonna like it like that. Let's take that takes adult like

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Processing to pry I know a lot of adults. I can't even do that

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Yeah,

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and for him to do

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that and recognize that right away like that was that was great

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While it was a tough moment, it was a really good moment.

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Well,

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00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:51,240
okay, so

260
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:58,480
Bryce tells you this you have the come to Jesus conversation in the in the living room. We're sitting down on the couch

261
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:00,600
What

262
00:11:02,140 --> 00:11:09,060
What's the conversation you Angela have after that because I know there's a probably a talk after the the talk after the talk

263
00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:10,040
What are?

264
00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:14,080
What are the feelings? What are the concerns? What are the hopes?

265
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,100
Following that conversation,

266
00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:17,760
you know, it's really interesting

267
00:11:20,020 --> 00:11:23,100
We immediately go to what we think it needs to happen

268
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:28,240
And it's one thing we start to recognize as our kids get older. They don't always align

269
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:29,960
Sure,

270
00:11:30,260 --> 00:11:33,540
we're so we're so focused on that. We got to get an education

271
00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:38,920
And that was part of that conversation. It was really important. It's it's been important

272
00:11:40,260 --> 00:11:41,779
in both of our families

273
00:11:42,540 --> 00:11:48,940
And we also look as parents to the future and family business and understand there's sometimes

274
00:11:49,090 --> 00:11:52,120
You know requirements and things like oh, you don't want to just let this go

275
00:11:52,940 --> 00:11:53,140
but

276
00:11:54,290 --> 00:11:58,560
The thing that is really hard as a parent to continue to focus on is what is eternal?

277
00:11:59,020 --> 00:11:59,200
Yeah,

278
00:11:59,340 --> 00:12:00,540
and what just isn't

279
00:12:00,540 --> 00:12:01,140
what is what

280
00:12:01,140 --> 00:12:03,880
everyone around us is gonna think

281
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:04,460
that's

282
00:12:04,460 --> 00:12:05,260
what we're worried about

283
00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:05,740
Mm-hmm

284
00:12:05,820 --> 00:12:08,600
Is that what we're gonna focus on and we're gonna make decisions based off of

285
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:09,039
yeah

286
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:09,280
Or

287
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:11,460
is it what's going to be best for the heart of your child?

288
00:12:12,010 --> 00:12:12,600
And that

289
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:13,520
becomes very difficult.

290
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:18,200
So that conversation was, I'm going to be honest, was a little less the heart of the

291
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:19,680
child and more

292
00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:23,300
of, well, you know, we got to, we got to give him the best advantage

293
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,520
that he's going to have in life.

294
00:12:25,340 --> 00:12:26,880
And we get too focused on that.

295
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,880
And that's what, unfortunately, probably was our pushing conversation.

296
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:35,300
We on this show, I mean, the mantra we hear is we're just, we're worried about making

297
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,200
sure our kids don't end up living under a bridge, right?

298
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:37,900
We have this

299
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:42,740
kind of like worse or a number ever. I don't know. Yeah, I just want to retire

300
00:12:42,740 --> 00:12:43,580
on one of them. Yeah

301
00:12:46,819 --> 00:12:48,500
Architects do really well. So no,

302
00:12:48,740 --> 00:12:49,880
we're holding up.

303
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:52,859
No, uh, the I

304
00:12:55,619 --> 00:12:59,060
Would imagine in my mind because I've already been there in my mind, you know

305
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:03,560
My kids already been graduated from high school yet of kind of this like, okay

306
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:06,380
if they don't do this, then this is going to happen.

307
00:13:06,540 --> 00:13:10,100
And then, and then this, and then, oh my gosh, how will,

308
00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:13,240
I think it's easy to kind of be catastrophic about the

309
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:13,780
whole thing.

310
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:14,180
Really,

311
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,000
really, really, really quick.

312
00:13:15,740 --> 00:13:19,460
And we love our kids so much and we want to see them succeed. And we think,

313
00:13:19,630 --> 00:13:23,340
I mean, I, I like to think I know the best of my kids. Like I know,

314
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:27,180
I think I've got a pretty decent idea, not fully,

315
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:30,000
but like what they're capable of. And I have a high view of that.

316
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:30,840
We should all as parents,

317
00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:31,100
like we

318
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:32,220
all should be like, yeah,

319
00:13:32,260 --> 00:13:34,920
my kid can do amazing things if they put their mind to it.

320
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,360
Right. That's, I think a really great mentality to have.

321
00:13:41,540 --> 00:13:44,260
So I'm wondering then

322
00:13:46,020 --> 00:13:47,820
following all of that, how?

323
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,560
Because it's clear to me that you guys decided to support.

324
00:13:50,740 --> 00:13:52,060
And you kept your support.

325
00:13:52,140 --> 00:13:55,740
You said, hey, we're one way that we're in your corner, Bryce.

326
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:57,900
So then.

327
00:13:59,140 --> 00:14:01,080
What was it that you did to support, like

328
00:14:01,220 --> 00:14:02,440
coming back on the back after that,

329
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:05,620
probably if you took a deep breath and maybe had a couple of cry sessions and

330
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:09,700
prayed a lot and did all of that, then what was coming when you came back to him?

331
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:10,980
What was, what was the step?

332
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:11,220
Sure.

333
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:15,760
You know, and the way I think we turned our conversation to was,

334
00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:18,260
you know, from the beginning, we've said,

335
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:22,680
let's allow them to do what their heart desires and wants them to do.

336
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,320
Uh, as long as it's right. You know, in

337
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:25,920
some way. Yeah.

338
00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:26,960
And again,

339
00:14:27,060 --> 00:14:30,100
that was back in with sports they're picking and now it's life.

340
00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:30,500
Yeah.

341
00:14:30,860 --> 00:14:34,100
So we're going to, we're going to follow that same path.

342
00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,540
And we told Bryce, you know, he,

343
00:14:36,650 --> 00:14:41,220
he told us what he was looking to do in possibly going out West and, you know,

344
00:14:41,260 --> 00:14:44,600
farming was still a thing. And so we actually, uh,

345
00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:49,000
worked with some of the people we knew, uh, even in this church, uh,

346
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,940
to get a connection for him to be able to do that.

347
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:56,980
So we accepted it and we dug in and worked together on

348
00:14:57,140 --> 00:15:00,580
finding his next adventure. Uh, that one was in Colorado.

349
00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:03,120
Yeah. He gets connections as well.

350
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,780
But we we said, yeah, let's do that.

351
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,500
We helped him move out.

352
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:08,220
We physically

353
00:15:08,220 --> 00:15:09,860
did the things

354
00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:12,960
that made it possible for him

355
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:17,660
to be able to make that trip and move away.

356
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,800
Yeah. And he was he was in, you know,

357
00:15:21,580 --> 00:15:22,460
there's parts of Colorado.

358
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,220
I mean, I've only been to certain parts of Colorado

359
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:25,860
because of where my family lives out there.

360
00:15:26,340 --> 00:15:29,400
The part of I would say the the part of Colorado he was in,

361
00:15:29,420 --> 00:15:33,160
call it a call it the the trails less less driven.

362
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:37,840
Remote, remote, rural is almost an understatement.

363
00:15:38,530 --> 00:15:40,740
You know, we tried to take a motorhome out to

364
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:42,740
his house to visit.

365
00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:48,240
And I remember this motorhome has never been the same.

366
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:53,880
He lived on such dirt roads that every time we had a pull a car,

367
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:57,080
we pulled behind every time we went out to town and back, we had flat tires.

368
00:15:57,140 --> 00:15:57,360
Oh

369
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:58,160
man, just

370
00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:04,880
his nearest neighbor was literally six and a half miles away like he was by himself

371
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,940
It's hard. It was a little hard on a parent.

372
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:09,820
Yeah, you know man. You're out here by yourself

373
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:10,620
Yeah, and

374
00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:10,940
a

375
00:16:10,940 --> 00:16:12,120
child you know like

376
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:12,500
you're saying

377
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,100
you know your child's strengths their weaknesses

378
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:17,480
And you know that he needs to have yeah people people mm-hmm

379
00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:21,339
What a what a growing experience for him, but we went out with

380
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:28,320
Angela's mom and sister and well whole gang of us stayed a week with him out there, but saw what he was living in is

381
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,660
shooting rattlesnakes and

382
00:16:31,580 --> 00:16:32,920
Go to town to talk to people

383
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:33,520
he said

384
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,880
he could go to church on Sunday and by Wednesday

385
00:16:35,950 --> 00:16:37,560
I had to go into town talk to people the

386
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,420
cows didn't talk back. That's right. That's right

387
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,900
What it what an experience that's probably a little bit hard to keep in

388
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,959
Communication with him also too because he probably doesn't have a whole lot of internet out there

389
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:49,640
Maybe not even good cell phone

390
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,320
service, so it's

391
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:52,580
hard to hard to keep good

392
00:16:52,580 --> 00:16:54,720
conversations with a time was not really

393
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:55,180
yeah,

394
00:16:55,460 --> 00:16:55,600
right

395
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:56,340
Yeah, right

396
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:01,980
So fast forward for him because we you got still got two other children. I wanna I

397
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:02,740
wanna make sure you

398
00:17:02,740 --> 00:17:03,540
talk about but

399
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:09,140
Typical typical firstborn gets the gets the intro conversation. That's how that's how that goes

400
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:11,680
So fast forward a little bit

401
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:16,839
Bryce finds himself finds himself a woman yes a

402
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:20,780
Quality young lady. Thank goodness. Thank goodness

403
00:17:20,780 --> 00:17:23,180
that you pray for that long before

404
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,900
That prayer is answered. Yes. Blessing. Yeah,

405
00:17:26,959 --> 00:17:31,400
it is. Um, and then that obviously as it does, uh,

406
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,600
That starts shaping the next direction of life. So they they

407
00:17:35,460 --> 00:17:39,120
They end up moving and i've probably lost track of the number of places that they went or

408
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:40,200
where they went a bunch of places

409
00:17:40,420 --> 00:17:40,720
but yeah,

410
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:41,500
how so

411
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:43,879
that kind of was the

412
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,140
Marriage and then kind of next next chapter.

413
00:17:46,980 --> 00:17:49,840
What is the what does he end up doing and how in that process?

414
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,840
What were you how are you guys walking alongside?

415
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,120
You know, it's interesting.

416
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:54,660
They got married.

417
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:57,640
They were here for just a little bit and decided to move to Montana

418
00:17:58,020 --> 00:18:01,640
as one of a friend from, you know, Fairfield to high school or whatever,

419
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:06,520
and got a job working on a farm again, agriculture, which is where his heart's at.

420
00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:08,000
So, you know, we want to support that.

421
00:18:08,580 --> 00:18:10,920
And usually support means moving somebody.

422
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,680
Colorado wasn't far enough.

423
00:18:14,820 --> 00:18:14,900
[laughter]

424
00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:16,520
We're going to haul it out to Montana.

425
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:16,760
Yeah,

426
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:17,240
yeah.

427
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,900
So, you know, we enjoy being with them.

428
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:22,540
Hopefully, they enjoy being with us too,

429
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:23,920
but it gets to be a lot of time.

430
00:18:23,980 --> 00:18:25,680
And so, we moved them out there.

431
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:26,900
We were also able to go out,

432
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,800
spend a week at a time with them,

433
00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:31,980
which was great when it's one-on-one

434
00:18:32,060 --> 00:18:32,780
with your kids at that

435
00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:33,560
older

436
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:33,800
age,

437
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:34,920
you're able to be able to do that

438
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,260
and share experiences together,

439
00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:38,400
get to know both of them.

440
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:40,599
And for them to be a way

441
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:45,240
and build that life maybe out from under mom and dad

442
00:18:45,940 --> 00:18:47,000
is just huge.

443
00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:49,300
Whether it's her mom and dad or his,

444
00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:53,660
it's really, I think, a good marriage experience.

445
00:18:54,310 --> 00:18:55,800
I don't, you can't always require that,

446
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,360
but to do it on your own, count on each other,

447
00:18:58,380 --> 00:19:00,340
rely on each other, and you can't go back

448
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,980
and just go back to mom and dad's.

449
00:19:03,420 --> 00:19:04,660
You're annoying me, I'm out.

450
00:19:05,140 --> 00:19:05,260
- Yeah.

451
00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:06,660
- You gotta be together.

452
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,160
I think it was good for them.

453
00:19:09,180 --> 00:19:09,560
- It's good.

454
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:18,960
on us. Yeah. And so, so from Montana to then North Dakota. North Dakota. I'm missing. I

455
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,340
was like, I'm missing a state. Yeah.

456
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,840
I think they might've made that move without us. Okay.

457
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:27,160
Wow. All right. Not that we didn't support it.

458
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:29,280
Yes. But I just didn't need to go out

459
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:30,120
and make a move. You

460
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:33,680
didn't get roped in. Okay. We're not coming out again. Yeah. Uh,

461
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:40,020
Tennessee, Tennessee. Yep. Uh, like Bryce bought a truck from a guy in Tennessee and

462
00:19:40,020 --> 00:19:46,780
for him. I'm telling you. And he's a podcaster. Well, no, you know, he's a, what would you call that?

463
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:48,760
A YouTuber. YouTuber. I'm

464
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:49,900
so sorry. I show

465
00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:50,320
my age.

466
00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:51,720
That was for you. That's okay.

467
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:57,180
That's thanks. Thank you. So I spent a lot of time on YouTube as well as fixing

468
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,680
trucks and working on trucks. I know they're passionate. And I, you know, you love to

469
00:20:00,740 --> 00:20:04,780
see your kids just follow their passion. Yeah. And be able to do that. Yep.

470
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:09,340
Sometimes, some folks aren't in a position or a place to do that or their

471
00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:12,540
parents won't allow them and like, Hey, let's do that while you can, while you're

472
00:20:12,690 --> 00:20:15,180
young for sure. And you never know what you hit.

473
00:20:15,530 --> 00:20:15,640
Yep.

474
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:17,540
That's the risk you take.

475
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,900
Cause if they really love it and hit it, they might not come home. Yeah.

476
00:20:21,980 --> 00:20:22,200
Right.

477
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:23,720
Yeah. It's their home then.

478
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:28,020
And I think it's easy even maybe subconsciously I, cause I,

479
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:33,340
I know parents that have done this and I'm trying hard not to myself where you

480
00:20:33,420 --> 00:20:35,800
can kind of sabotage your kids opportunities a little bit,

481
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:36,300
right. To make,

482
00:20:36,380 --> 00:20:36,900
to make sure

483
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:39,620
to make sure that they stay close and that they,

484
00:20:39,930 --> 00:20:43,260
you know, and I think for us in this area, like where we live,

485
00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:48,080
it feels like, uh, many of us go away for a time,

486
00:20:48,150 --> 00:20:51,820
but we always end up back here. There there's, I mean, this is in our culture.

487
00:20:51,940 --> 00:20:55,700
It's very like the home, the, the family, the, the,

488
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,520
your biological family and all of that are really,

489
00:20:57,620 --> 00:21:01,240
really important and just being part of a family and coming back to the family

490
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,380
is important, especially when you raise, raise, when you're raising kids and you

491
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:08,800
And you want like for Jackie and I, and I know for y'all as well,

492
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,140
like having grandparents nearby has been a big determining factor, right?

493
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:13,740
In the decision we've made.

494
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:18,600
- It's interesting that Bryce and Darla found friends, good friends,

495
00:21:18,950 --> 00:21:21,320
a really good church, especially in Tennessee,

496
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:25,160
that they felt really comfortable with and hard to leave.

497
00:21:25,260 --> 00:21:25,460
- Yeah.

498
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,460
- But that true friendship of the people that are here.

499
00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:28,820
- Yeah.

500
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,660
- I mean, family is important too, but I think also friendships.

501
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,800
There's something about the area, the Bible Belt,

502
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,160
whatever, it

503
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:37,060
can be a bit different.

504
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:41,480
And they learn that on their own is so much better than us trying to tell.

505
00:21:43,700 --> 00:21:46,580
And hopefully they have that desire come out in their heart.

506
00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:48,260
Sometimes

507
00:21:48,260 --> 00:21:50,020
it doesn't, but we're fortunate.

508
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,040
You know, when they wanted to have kids, I think they felt like they wanted to be here

509
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:54,040
with family, which is

510
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:55,440
good for

511
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:55,560
you.

512
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:56,120
Oh yeah.

513
00:21:56,700 --> 00:21:57,020
Yeah.

514
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:01,980
You get to, you get the grandchild nice and near, which is a really fun thing.

515
00:22:02,380 --> 00:22:02,680
For sure.

516
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:10,860
And, and now I think, you know, when you look, when you look back, we can't always, you know,

517
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:17,140
it's easy to Monday morning quarterback with, with Bryce's, with all those things that came

518
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:17,320
back.

519
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:24,280
Do you feel like if you give yourself a scorecard and you kind of look back and you say, yeah,

520
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,040
I think we made the right choices,

521
00:22:27,260 --> 00:22:28,260
even if we didn't know we were making,

522
00:22:28,340 --> 00:22:29,680
maybe we meant the right time.

523
00:22:30,060 --> 00:22:31,460
I mean, were there be things that you would say,

524
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,260
like, I would have changed this a little bit,

525
00:22:33,260 --> 00:22:35,560
or maybe a posture of heart that you had,

526
00:22:35,620 --> 00:22:36,900
or a perspective that you had?

527
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:37,080
- Yeah.

528
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:40,760
You know, we can't tell what would have happened.

529
00:22:41,180 --> 00:22:42,520
There are things you think,

530
00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:44,320
well, I wonder if I would have pushed here,

531
00:22:44,370 --> 00:22:44,500
would

532
00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:45,280
that have made a difference?

533
00:22:47,180 --> 00:22:50,580
But as far as changing how we supported Bryce

534
00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:52,420
in the decisions that he was making,

535
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:56,280
You know I think Angela might answer that different.

536
00:22:58,740 --> 00:23:00,280
Angela will have you on a separate

537
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:00,600
episode.

538
00:23:00,860 --> 00:23:01,200
Right, right.

539
00:23:01,300 --> 00:23:01,400
Yeah.

540
00:23:01,740 --> 00:23:06,900
But you know I it'd be interesting to see how he answers that.

541
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:07,100
Yeah.

542
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:08,980
You know because we have a perspective that we think

543
00:23:08,980 --> 00:23:10,520
yeah and

544
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:11,720
we have a good relationship.

545
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:12,240
Yep.

546
00:23:12,420 --> 00:23:15,420
And so there's some of those things that say couldn't have been all bad.

547
00:23:15,660 --> 00:23:16,000
Yeah.

548
00:23:17,020 --> 00:23:18,720
And sometimes you don't know.

549
00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:20,440
Yeah.

550
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:25,040
It's hard sometimes to be intimate enough to understand some of the things you either

551
00:23:25,180 --> 00:23:31,280
said or did that may have either hurt or helped in those situations.

552
00:23:31,500 --> 00:23:33,620
And you will find those out later maybe.

553
00:23:35,540 --> 00:23:39,760
But it's not something that guys necessarily talk about.

554
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:44,820
I think sometimes a daughter and a mom might get closer to that.

555
00:23:45,660 --> 00:23:49,600
We have to work pretty hard if we get into an intimate relationship of knowing, you know,

556
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:51,920
we have supported you differently? What would you have

557
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:52,520
wanted

558
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:53,300
us to do?

559
00:23:54,070 --> 00:23:54,180
Yeah.

560
00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:58,680
And I, I wonder, like, and this is fresh off of my brother and I having a conversation

561
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:05,060
recently and my brother will be 40, I'm 41. And we're just now talking about like, uh,

562
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:08,660
maybe how we're doing things a little bit different than our parents, but you know,

563
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:13,680
here we are, we both have four kids and we're like, we're just now having the conversation

564
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:18,039
where we feel like we have some element of perspective on what we really appreciated

565
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:21,680
about how our parents did or and then how we would how we would do it different.

566
00:24:22,300 --> 00:24:26,020
So even even now like there's still a lot of a lot of life to live before I

567
00:24:26,020 --> 00:24:27,940
think you could even be like hmm here's

568
00:24:27,940 --> 00:24:28,860
here's how we're making maybe

569
00:24:28,860 --> 00:24:29,180
some new

570
00:24:29,300 --> 00:24:30,880
paths you know it's it takes

571
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:34,420
it takes time. One big thing personally that I

572
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:40,679
would change if I could it's a bit of who I am and a personality. I'm extremely

573
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:41,080
driven

574
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,880
and

575
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:48,540
when good things happen I'm grateful but I see what needs to still

576
00:24:48,540 --> 00:24:48,980
be done

577
00:24:48,980 --> 00:24:49,900
yeah and

578
00:24:49,900 --> 00:24:50,740
I don't celebrate

579
00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:54,120
yeah there we go I don't celebrate and I

580
00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:54,480
don't

581
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:58,980
say I'm so proud of you here mm-hmm because I see what we have to do

582
00:24:59,020 --> 00:25:01,620
I'm focused on what we have to do not what we've gotten

583
00:25:01,620 --> 00:25:02,680
done sure and

584
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:03,380
I I do

585
00:25:03,380 --> 00:25:10,119
it in life and I'm now conscious of it more but if I could have been better at

586
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:15,860
at celebrating, we know we all want approval of our fathers.

587
00:25:17,380 --> 00:25:20,320
Are we holding back the approval of our kids?

588
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:24,320
Are we actually telling them how proud we are of them?

589
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:29,500
Because we're afraid if we tell them how proud we are, they won't go to that degree?

590
00:25:30,700 --> 00:25:31,180
Come on.

591
00:25:31,799 --> 00:25:32,180
Guilty.

592
00:25:33,540 --> 00:25:34,060
Guilty.

593
00:25:34,130 --> 00:25:36,260
I just wish it was, I wasn't that driven.

594
00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:37,540
that

595
00:25:37,540 --> 00:25:40,940
I could focus on how proud I am of my kids, all of them.

596
00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:42,020
- Absolutely, yeah.

597
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,760
- And it doesn't come out easy 'cause I'm afraid

598
00:25:44,860 --> 00:25:45,880
they're not gonna be driven or

599
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:46,160
something.

600
00:25:47,179 --> 00:25:47,620
That's

601
00:25:47,620 --> 00:25:50,180
my big wish I would have

602
00:25:50,180 --> 00:25:50,580
been different.

603
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:56,100
- Son number two, Dustin, to not overly summarize,

604
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,560
but Dustin, very, I mean, as you say,

605
00:25:58,620 --> 00:26:01,980
architectural school now, performing arts,

606
00:26:02,380 --> 00:26:04,500
like very gifted in those areas.

607
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:08,420
I remember like school plays and things like this.

608
00:26:10,190 --> 00:26:11,380
And that was a bit of an, I mean,

609
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,600
that's a bit of an intersecting point for you guys, you guys as well.

610
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:15,900
I think back to like, you know,

611
00:26:16,010 --> 00:26:19,520
your days of putting on productions and things like that and being involved in

612
00:26:19,540 --> 00:26:22,980
that, which this is, I don't know if everybody thinks when I think of Joel Miller,

613
00:26:23,020 --> 00:26:24,920
I don't know if everybody thinks of this, but they're like,

614
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:25,920
there's a creative side

615
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:26,580
in your,

616
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:27,860
in your family that like

617
00:26:27,860 --> 00:26:28,440
sort of comes

618
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:28,620
alive.

619
00:26:29,300 --> 00:26:33,500
Talk to me about how you guys intersected in those places and kind of how,

620
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:37,620
as, as Dustin is finding his, his way in the world. Um,

621
00:26:38,820 --> 00:26:41,060
cause cause again, all of our kids are so different.

622
00:26:41,070 --> 00:26:42,800
It feels a little bit like parenting whiplash

623
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:43,500
sometimes when

624
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:43,860
you're like,

625
00:26:44,180 --> 00:26:47,240
like I got a right brain kid over here, a left brain kid over here, one,

626
00:26:47,300 --> 00:26:49,420
who's more concrete, one who's more abstract,

627
00:26:49,730 --> 00:26:49,820
you

628
00:26:49,820 --> 00:26:51,760
know? Uh, cause,

629
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,660
cause just like me, like, man, the difference between one and two is,

630
00:26:55,760 --> 00:27:00,440
is considerable. How'd you adjust? How'd you find, how'd you find the,

631
00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:01,720
the place to meet him.

632
00:27:02,020 --> 00:27:07,100
Really good question. I think like you say with Bryce a lot of a lot of folks viewed us and like

633
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:08,640
Oh, it's like a little mini me

634
00:27:10,260 --> 00:27:12,380
And he followed me around and did everything I did

635
00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:17,159
Dustin is super intelligent lots of reading and

636
00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:21,820
Was who he was not necessarily a duplicate of me, which is great

637
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:26,040
Yeah, no problem with it, but when the middle child hears that it

638
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:26,240
can

639
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:27,820
be maybe interpreted a different way

640
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:32,720
Yeah. And I think he heard a lot about sports accolades and whatever else for me

641
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:40,440
and had very much a good athlete as well as very interested in arts and music and

642
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:47,440
You know play guitar. I've loved singing president the choir. Yeah. Yeah cool. So I've enjoyed those things

643
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:48,660
Although I don't think he heard a lot of

644
00:27:48,660 --> 00:27:49,900
that. Yeah, and

645
00:27:49,900 --> 00:27:51,740
so I think he felt maybe a little different

646
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:55,620
But we loved it. We supported in every way and I think

647
00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:03,960
He doesn't see that maybe in Bryce or myself as much but are my mom and super music my you know

648
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:06,740
Anita was the team. Yeah leader

649
00:28:06,740 --> 00:28:10,140
here for 20 years my extended family moms

650
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:16,980
Siblings super talented. Yeah, he fits right in with those which you know for me when we would go to family gatherings

651
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:18,480
I'm like, ah, yeah, here's Dustin

652
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:21,980
Here's mine, yeah, yeah

653
00:28:26,299 --> 00:28:26,860
just

654
00:28:26,860 --> 00:28:32,180
it up so fast. It was super and yet athletic too. I remember I tried to run with him one

655
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:37,720
time and we were getting over to the S-curves and I always, you know, I'm proud that I can

656
00:28:37,780 --> 00:28:40,780
kind of keep the same speed on the S-curves. He was like a gazelle.

657
00:28:41,300 --> 00:28:41,880
It's just gone.

658
00:28:41,890 --> 00:28:42,020
And

659
00:28:42,060 --> 00:28:44,240
I'm like, it didn't even look like he was trying.

660
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:44,560
Yeah. For

661
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:50,400
those out of our immediate listening audience, my hometown, Joel's hometown of

662
00:28:50,460 --> 00:28:54,400
Middlebury, we've got this lovely S-curve road up. I mean, it's a

663
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:55,480
significant

664
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:55,980
grade

665
00:28:55,980 --> 00:28:56,200
for

666
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:56,300
a

667
00:28:56,300 --> 00:28:56,760
significant

668
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:57,420
amount of time.

669
00:28:57,500 --> 00:28:58,000
- For us in

670
00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:58,380
Indiana,

671
00:28:58,580 --> 00:28:58,640
yes.

672
00:28:58,680 --> 00:28:59,100
- Yeah, yeah,

673
00:28:59,100 --> 00:28:59,160
yeah.

674
00:28:59,660 --> 00:29:02,840
It's like, guys, when we have a valley,

675
00:29:03,050 --> 00:29:04,900
any sort of valley, and there can be a hill,

676
00:29:05,300 --> 00:29:06,800
we could take great pride in it.

677
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:09,660
But that's, yeah, to truck up that thing is no small thing.

678
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:10,520
So yeah, that's--

679
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:11,640
- But you know, hindsight with Dustin,

680
00:29:11,740 --> 00:29:17,560
I think too, that pushing and that maybe not giving him

681
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,460
what maybe he needs and saying that dad's proud of you,

682
00:29:21,380 --> 00:29:24,460
was probably more of a gap for him

683
00:29:24,460 --> 00:29:27,720
and more difficult. And, you know, we don't all,

684
00:29:27,780 --> 00:29:31,860
we don't know what all happens to our kids when they're younger.

685
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:33,260
And we think,

686
00:29:33,740 --> 00:29:38,480
we assume we can fill in the blank because we're so smart. What it,

687
00:29:38,780 --> 00:29:41,780
what it is and what it's going to do and what they're going to do. And we don't,

688
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,000
and we don't know that sometimes till it's too late.

689
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:50,860
And I think that's probably one of those with Dustin, but just loving.

690
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:55,020
And Dustin, we had a difficult situation with Dustin

691
00:29:55,700 --> 00:29:57,420
and life was not easy for him.

692
00:29:58,540 --> 00:30:00,720
I don't know if we necessarily recognize that,

693
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,300
but there became a point where, you know,

694
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:06,780
I'm looking at this percentage up here and I'm pushing

695
00:30:08,060 --> 00:30:11,660
and I had to decide, and Angela too,

696
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,340
we're not gonna focus on this anymore.

697
00:30:16,540 --> 00:30:18,760
I'm not sure our kid knows

698
00:30:19,900 --> 00:30:21,340
that he's loved unconditionally.

699
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,000
- Yeah, mm-hmm, yep.

700
00:30:23,380 --> 00:30:24,160
- I'm just not sure.

701
00:30:24,780 --> 00:30:27,820
And of all things, that's number one.

702
00:30:27,900 --> 00:30:28,760
- Yeah, yeah.

703
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:30,500
- We've got to allow him to know

704
00:30:30,980 --> 00:30:33,380
like God loves me unconditionally.

705
00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:35,280
I'm gonna have to show you that.

706
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:37,140
And I don't care what it takes.

707
00:30:37,830 --> 00:30:38,980
I don't care what it takes.

708
00:30:39,220 --> 00:30:42,220
That's all I'm going to show you from now.

709
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:42,780
- Yeah,

710
00:30:43,380 --> 00:30:43,500
yeah.

711
00:30:43,660 --> 00:30:45,820
- And what you do with it, you're an adult.

712
00:30:46,420 --> 00:30:47,520
And we're gonna work with that.

713
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:49,760
It's not eternal and other things.

714
00:30:50,100 --> 00:30:53,700
And so we just need to make sure that that's the case.

715
00:30:53,740 --> 00:30:55,240
And so Andrew and I made a decision,

716
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:57,060
like this is what we're going to focus on now.

717
00:30:57,620 --> 00:30:58,620
And when we come down,

718
00:30:59,100 --> 00:31:01,980
I would make a trip down to Ball State when he's in school.

719
00:31:03,220 --> 00:31:06,740
I'm not going to talk one second about this.

720
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:07,940
- Yeah, yeah.

721
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:09,240
- He'll get it

722
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:10,040
from his counselors

723
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:10,660
and advisors.

724
00:31:11,140 --> 00:31:11,260
- Yeah,

725
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:11,780
yeah.

726
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:16,080
- I'm going to pour in that you are loved no matter what.

727
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:17,720
And life throws curves.

728
00:31:18,820 --> 00:31:19,800
This world is tough.

729
00:31:20,210 --> 00:31:21,540
The screen is tough.

730
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,820
What our kids are battling is not what we battled.

731
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:27,380
It's not even close.

732
00:31:28,500 --> 00:31:33,940
And it is not what we can't even imagine, and we can't perceive how they're receiving

733
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:34,840
that.

734
00:31:35,350 --> 00:31:38,060
And it's even difficult for us to perceive how they're receiving us.

735
00:31:40,340 --> 00:31:46,460
But they need to know what God's unconditional love is, because they're not told how God

736
00:31:46,460 --> 00:31:47,760
loves him in this world.

737
00:31:47,900 --> 00:31:49,320
- No, they're told where they're not,

738
00:31:49,460 --> 00:31:51,580
where they're falling short, where they're not adding up.

739
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,260
- They don't need another person telling them

740
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:54,840
that dad

741
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:55,620
doesn't approve,

742
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:56,160
that I'm

743
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:56,800
not proud.

744
00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:58,880
You've got to make that commitment.

745
00:31:59,500 --> 00:31:59,720
It's

746
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:00,140
number one.

747
00:32:00,180 --> 00:32:02,800
And so that was probably one of the biggest

748
00:32:03,380 --> 00:32:04,340
ahas for us in decision.

749
00:32:04,540 --> 00:32:06,840
Like, let's just do this and we'll see where it

750
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:07,220
goes.

751
00:32:07,420 --> 00:32:07,560
- Yep.

752
00:32:08,340 --> 00:32:12,060
And that has preserved relationship,

753
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:13,220
repaired relationship.

754
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,899
Like how do you feel about it

755
00:32:15,900 --> 00:32:16,980
Yeah, you

756
00:32:16,980 --> 00:32:19,180
know the goal was if we don't

757
00:32:20,060 --> 00:32:26,500
We will lose influence mm-hmm and the last thing you want to lose is the relationship and influence

758
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:32,500
If we think we have an idea what can help and you don't have influence. Well, that's no good

759
00:32:32,500 --> 00:32:33,020
right

760
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:45,880
So I believe it has allowed us to for him to have faith in us. Yeah

761
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,340
something that's important instead of this.

762
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:49,420
- Right, right.

763
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:51,740
- He's open to that.

764
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:51,980
- Yeah.

765
00:32:52,580 --> 00:32:52,660
- And

766
00:32:52,660 --> 00:32:57,900
we'll work together as opposed to at each other.

767
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:00,540
- There seems like there's this point,

768
00:33:02,140 --> 00:33:04,660
which hopefully, I mean, hopefully I'll get there

769
00:33:04,700 --> 00:33:06,380
with my kids at the appropriate time.

770
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,660
And I know Andy's, we've talked about this

771
00:33:08,660 --> 00:33:12,300
in the season he's in where our role as parents shifts

772
00:33:12,900 --> 00:33:14,200
with as our kids are getting older,

773
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:20,860
We're hopefully becoming more of the friend counselor than the parent manager overseer

774
00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:23,100
or the supervisory role.

775
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:26,860
And I guess that's what I hear.

776
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,040
That's what I hear you saying.

777
00:33:28,140 --> 00:33:33,840
Like there's just like some things have to shift in order to maintain the best outcome.

778
00:33:34,060 --> 00:33:34,180
Yeah.

779
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:39,960
And you know, you have to realize at an age, you're no more responsible for those areas.

780
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:40,400
Right.

781
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:41,680
Too late.

782
00:33:42,279 --> 00:33:42,840
Yeah.

783
00:33:42,980 --> 00:33:43,300
That's hard.

784
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:44,940
because you want to micromanage

785
00:33:44,940 --> 00:33:45,420
that still.

786
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:48,440
And you've seen parents that will continue to try to, and it's not,

787
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,500
doesn't work out. Uh, so you do have to decide,

788
00:33:51,540 --> 00:33:52,120
I'm going to stop

789
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:53,340
micromanaging

790
00:33:53,340 --> 00:33:54,660
that and doing that support.

791
00:33:54,660 --> 00:33:58,060
And it's hard because we're both controllers and, um,

792
00:33:58,660 --> 00:34:00,980
and my kids would say, you're, I'm not one of your employees.

793
00:34:02,420 --> 00:34:06,320
They didn't say that. Yeah. But so much work, but you, you,

794
00:34:06,450 --> 00:34:07,000
you felt it

795
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:07,880
maybe a few times.

796
00:34:08,270 --> 00:34:09,100
And, and there's, I mean,

797
00:34:09,139 --> 00:34:11,040
there's a lot of conversation going on now. They're article,

798
00:34:11,159 --> 00:34:13,840
I'm just reading a lot of research being done on,

799
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:17,000
on children cutting their parents out of their life entirely. Like this,

800
00:34:17,179 --> 00:34:19,820
like as a cultural phenomenon going on right now, where

801
00:34:19,820 --> 00:34:20,300
it's just like,

802
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:20,639
I want,

803
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:24,020
I like can't deal with you anymore, mom and dad. And we're just,

804
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:27,139
we're going to act like we were just kind of a divorce there, so to speak.

805
00:34:27,340 --> 00:34:30,360
Yeah. I read a two where the, they would kids,

806
00:34:30,750 --> 00:34:33,840
and this was what really pushed it for us. Cause we were in the same,

807
00:34:34,139 --> 00:34:37,700
like thinking the same thing when kids, uh, either, um, you know,

808
00:34:37,860 --> 00:34:39,780
I'm moving away, I'm doing this. They, you know,

809
00:34:39,860 --> 00:34:44,700
They shocked the parents, but the trend was instead was to,

810
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:46,620
I'm divorcing you.

811
00:34:46,620 --> 00:34:47,360
- Yeah, right.

812
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:49,840
- And we didn't want to be one of those parents

813
00:34:49,919 --> 00:34:50,620
that get divorced.

814
00:34:50,740 --> 00:34:51,700
- Yep, yep.

815
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:53,379
- Because we wouldn't listen to what they wanted to

816
00:34:53,379 --> 00:34:53,639
say

817
00:34:53,879 --> 00:34:54,520
or how

818
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,800
they wanted to let us know.

819
00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:58,900
And so that's a reality.

820
00:34:59,060 --> 00:35:02,980
I think they are, you can say you've been reading about it

821
00:35:03,020 --> 00:35:04,680
or heard about it, it is real.

822
00:35:04,700 --> 00:35:05,780
- It's happening.

823
00:35:05,780 --> 00:35:08,100
- It is absolute reality, that is happening.

824
00:35:08,540 --> 00:35:08,620
That

825
00:35:08,620 --> 00:35:09,660
is what they're told to do.

826
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:12,400
They're told, that's what they're hearing.

827
00:35:14,420 --> 00:35:16,060
The way to do something.

828
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:17,400
It's ouchy.

829
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:19,560
And you do want to avoid that.

830
00:35:20,700 --> 00:35:28,960
So now, yeah, so as Dustin's getting back on the saddle and doing what he loves, and

831
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,320
the architecture piece for me, I mean, it makes a lot of sense.

832
00:35:32,540 --> 00:35:39,260
the very brainy, like studious, scholarly part of that, which makes total sense for

833
00:35:39,340 --> 00:35:45,260
him. And then also the creative artistic and those two things coming together. And it's

834
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:50,740
by the way, for again, for those of you outside of our Hoosier listening area, Ball State's

835
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:54,120
architecture program is no joke. No

836
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:57,480
joke.

837
00:35:57,720 --> 00:36:02,520
Take up your life. That's right. Yeah. And

838
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:04,780
Going through it and he's doing great. That's awesome.

839
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:09,400
Which is which is really cool. So cool good. So then your daughter

840
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:11,420
Yeah, Mariah Mariah

841
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:14,720
Gosh

842
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:21,180
You know she uh, she's the tail. He's the one coming up. Yeah, the only the youngest and the only girl

843
00:36:22,859 --> 00:36:28,740
Marching again as youngest children do to the beat of a yet again entirely different

844
00:36:28,740 --> 00:36:29,120
drummer

845
00:36:31,980 --> 00:36:32,500
Yeah

846
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:40,120
When I when I met when I met Mariah for the first time this is one of the few

847
00:36:41,100 --> 00:36:46,180
eighth grade students who came up immediately to me and introduced herself

848
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:50,420
and and said hello and I was like a lot of energy there

849
00:36:50,420 --> 00:36:51,460
a

850
00:36:51,460 --> 00:36:52,240
lot of personality

851
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:54,860
there and love it all

852
00:36:57,900 --> 00:37:04,100
What? From because we can talk about our boys all day long and I'm realizing this

853
00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:09,060
now I mean my daughter's almost nine. Oh yeah. The father to daughter

854
00:37:09,260 --> 00:37:16,420
relationship. Wow. Yes. Yes. How has it been different?

855
00:37:17,710 --> 00:37:20,740
You know it's I think it's funny because my wife would always tell me well you

856
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:26,700
you treat Mariah differently than you do the boys. I'm like yep. As I should.

857
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:29,220
"That's not going to work if I

858
00:37:29,220 --> 00:37:29,760
think it's going

859
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:30,320
to be the same."

860
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:34,140
And you don't treat any of your kids the same, but you know, "Oh, she gets away with more."

861
00:37:34,140 --> 00:37:35,220
I don't know that it was that.

862
00:37:36,540 --> 00:37:39,660
But that relationship, it's really great.

863
00:37:40,540 --> 00:37:41,400
It hasn't always been.

864
00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:43,220
It's a tough one that we work at.

865
00:37:44,859 --> 00:37:45,940
And I'm learning.

866
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:50,980
And that's one of the things as parents, we have to dig in to read, to find out.

867
00:37:51,900 --> 00:37:55,700
you don't just know the importance of a father

868
00:37:56,720 --> 00:37:57,420
to a daughter.

869
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:57,900
- Yeah.

870
00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:04,020
- It's super key and it is a tough road to travel

871
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,060
to not be overbearing, but enough.

872
00:38:07,180 --> 00:38:09,420
And you're a good, you know, it is a tough one.

873
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:10,760
I think of an experience we had

874
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:13,480
when Mariah first wanted to date.

875
00:38:15,020 --> 00:38:15,380
She had

876
00:38:15,380 --> 00:38:15,720
a--

877
00:38:15,740 --> 00:38:16,500
- Oh Lord help us.

878
00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:16,820
- She had

879
00:38:16,820 --> 00:38:18,940
a young man and she was of age

880
00:38:19,140 --> 00:38:20,140
now that we allowed it.

881
00:38:21,100 --> 00:38:24,860
And so I said, "Okay, well, I'll allow you on a date,

882
00:38:24,980 --> 00:38:26,920
but he needs to meet with me."

883
00:38:26,940 --> 00:38:27,140
- Yeah.

884
00:38:27,950 --> 00:38:29,980
- So we had a coffee.

885
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:31,500
- A coffee?

886
00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:32,820
All right.

887
00:38:33,620 --> 00:38:34,780
- I don't remember if he had coffee.

888
00:38:35,220 --> 00:38:35,580
(laughing)

889
00:38:36,700 --> 00:38:40,740
But we talked about what my expectations were,

890
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:42,180
and she hated.

891
00:38:43,060 --> 00:38:45,820
I mean, it's hard to know if she really did.

892
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:47,200
I always thought, "Oh yeah, she says that,

893
00:38:47,260 --> 00:38:48,420
but she really loves me about it."

894
00:38:48,420 --> 00:38:49,780
I don't think she loved me at the time.

895
00:38:50,740 --> 00:38:55,000
I was pretty hard on him. I mean, I like, she's like, did you really tell him that if,

896
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:59,740
if there's an active shooter, he has to get in front of me? I'm like, I told him he had

897
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:00,620
to do what I did.

898
00:39:04,539 --> 00:39:05,540
Of all the

899
00:39:05,540 --> 00:39:06,500
hypothetical

900
00:39:06,500 --> 00:39:09,800
situations

901
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,580
you could have posed to him, that was the active shooter

902
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:13,120
situation.

903
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:13,840
Got it. Okay.

904
00:39:14,180 --> 00:39:17,920
So she was a little mad. I think she wanted to be the active shooter after I talked

905
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:19,740
to

906
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:24,160
But you know, our daughters are precious,

907
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:25,140
our sons

908
00:39:25,140 --> 00:39:26,400
are precious, but our daughters

909
00:39:26,900 --> 00:39:31,840
are vulnerable in a world out there. And I don't shy away or feel a bit bad

910
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:37,060
about telling a young man, "This isn't the place to do what you're

911
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:40,700
thinking you're gonna do, not with my daughter. And here's the expectations

912
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:42,100
that I and God have

913
00:39:42,100 --> 00:39:42,800
for you

914
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:46,260
and how you're gonna treat his daughter, and

915
00:39:46,260 --> 00:39:47,860
And it isn't going to be the way you're thinking.

916
00:39:48,660 --> 00:39:50,980
And I said, I know this book tells you

917
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,080
you think about sex every three seconds,

918
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:54,340
and I know it's every second.

919
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:55,860
The book is wrong.

920
00:39:58,080 --> 00:39:59,520
She didn't like that one either, I think.

921
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:00,400
Sure.

922
00:40:00,780 --> 00:40:07,780
Well, because again, the daughter is--

923
00:40:07,820 --> 00:40:09,060
let's just be clear--

924
00:40:09,580 --> 00:40:13,140
naive to a certain degree about the nature

925
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:15,420
of the relationship and about boys, right?

926
00:40:15,620 --> 00:40:17,280
And that's that's to be expected.

927
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:20,920
And and there can be this feeling of like.

928
00:40:22,740 --> 00:40:26,060
Oh, hey, Dad, you're you're you're imposing,

929
00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:29,740
you're imposing your beliefs or your preconceived ideas onto this,

930
00:40:30,060 --> 00:40:33,740
on this person, and that is that is unfair and that is that is unkind.

931
00:40:33,780 --> 00:40:37,700
And by the way, it's not super going to be super make me super popular amongst

932
00:40:38,060 --> 00:40:41,020
because inevitably I'm going to guess that Mariah had friends

933
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:44,420
that were also dating boys who had not had that kind of

934
00:40:44,420 --> 00:40:44,960
conversation.

935
00:40:45,420 --> 00:40:47,080
Right? Why do you make such a big deal?

936
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:48,000
So you're the weirdo.

937
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:49,300
Yeah, you're the weirdo

938
00:40:49,300 --> 00:40:49,420
now.

939
00:40:49,420 --> 00:40:49,520
Of

940
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:50,680
course. Right, you're the weirdo.

941
00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:53,500
Um, are you still happy

942
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,480
you're the weirdo? I'm alright with it.

943
00:40:55,500 --> 00:40:57,660
Fantastic. I'm not changing.

944
00:40:57,920 --> 00:40:58,000
Yeah.

945
00:40:59,580 --> 00:41:00,540
I still

946
00:41:01,540 --> 00:41:02,460
think it's our duty

947
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:05,240
as men to take it serious and not lightly.

948
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:06,160
And not

949
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:06,680
to forget

950
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:07,780
how

951
00:41:07,780 --> 00:41:08,560
it was and

952
00:41:09,420 --> 00:41:11,120
it can hurt our daughters

953
00:41:11,580 --> 00:41:13,520
in a different way than what

954
00:41:13,420 --> 00:41:19,520
boys can be hurt. And so it is, it's a tough world out there. And they don't quite know

955
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:23,960
it yet sometimes at that age either. And you don't want them to, you want them to enjoy

956
00:41:24,020 --> 00:41:24,560
life like

957
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:24,980
we did

958
00:41:24,980 --> 00:41:25,660
for a long

959
00:41:25,660 --> 00:41:26,380
time of thinking

960
00:41:26,380 --> 00:41:29,840
nothing could ever go wrong. And you know,

961
00:41:29,860 --> 00:41:34,360
the world's great. And you want them to have that time of child development and enjoyment

962
00:41:34,460 --> 00:41:37,480
without stress and anxiety and, and

963
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:40,380
innocence. I mean, there's, there's a, there's a beauty

964
00:41:40,380 --> 00:41:46,680
to that and that's that's a good God-given gift but there there does come a point oh

965
00:41:46,780 --> 00:41:47,960
my goodness there does come a

966
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:50,340
point next time I'll just remember to tell the boy I don't

967
00:41:50,380 --> 00:41:55,240
want him to tell one word of this tomorrow that was my own ignorance you know what

968
00:41:55,240 --> 00:41:55,580
small

969
00:41:55,660 --> 00:41:57,600
caveat right you and I this

970
00:41:57,600 --> 00:41:58,240
is a conversation

971
00:41:58,240 --> 00:42:00,120
between you and I you don't need to repeat

972
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:01,900
any of it or I'll be the active

973
00:42:01,900 --> 00:42:05,700
yeah

974
00:42:05,700 --> 00:42:09,619
go ahead I was gonna say so she goes to college then

975
00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:14,380
Graduates college, comes back and says, "Hey, Dad."

976
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:16,060
What did she say to you there?

977
00:42:17,100 --> 00:42:19,140
- Well, we'll first start when she graduated high school.

978
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:19,480
- Okay.

979
00:42:19,980 --> 00:42:20,820
- This is probably the,

980
00:42:21,150 --> 00:42:23,520
and I don't think she'll mind me sharing this.

981
00:42:24,020 --> 00:42:25,220
We've had conversations about

982
00:42:25,220 --> 00:42:25,420
it.

983
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:27,620
- If she does, she can write to us

984
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:27,860
at

985
00:42:27,860 --> 00:42:29,340
dudesanddadspodcast@gmail

986
00:42:29,340 --> 00:42:29,960
.com

987
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:30,360
and

988
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:31,920
we'll

989
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:32,480
talk it out.

990
00:42:32,740 --> 00:42:33,660
- Yeah, we'll

991
00:42:33,660 --> 00:42:34,420
invite her on the show.

992
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:35,220
- Yeah, we'll invite her on the show.

993
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:37,580
- So Mariah went to Bethany

994
00:42:37,580 --> 00:42:41,740
and she was going, had about three schools to decide from

995
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:45,300
and going to Virginia, we were

996
00:42:45,300 --> 00:42:46,200
like, man, 10 hours.

997
00:42:46,740 --> 00:42:50,040
Well, like we said, we've allowed our kids to choose

998
00:42:50,900 --> 00:42:52,280
the path they've wanted to take.

999
00:42:53,380 --> 00:42:57,220
And for the first time, mom and I kind of decided,

1000
00:42:58,700 --> 00:43:01,020
okay, we might need to play the Trump card.

1001
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:02,200
(Ryan laughs)

1002
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:05,780
So I remember being in the family room

1003
00:43:05,780 --> 00:43:08,180
and we played that trump card.

1004
00:43:09,020 --> 00:43:10,200
Mariah's a sweet girl,

1005
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,500
but she was not that sweet that

1006
00:43:14,500 --> 00:43:14,660
night.

1007
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,960
We had a really growing moment,

1008
00:43:19,220 --> 00:43:21,260
but a really hard moment for us.

1009
00:43:23,420 --> 00:43:27,620
I knew that the paths that we take,

1010
00:43:28,260 --> 00:43:30,980
some bring us closer and some take us further.

1011
00:43:31,720 --> 00:43:33,140
I just wasn't ready to be further.

1012
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,680
probably selfish on my part and on Angela's maybe too.

1013
00:43:38,500 --> 00:43:40,280
And maybe over-worried.

1014
00:43:40,940 --> 00:43:43,520
We go down that path in our brains and bring out the worst.

1015
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:48,800
And so that was really hard on our relationship

1016
00:43:49,580 --> 00:43:51,540
as his mom and dad and Mariah.

1017
00:43:51,580 --> 00:43:53,320
And we've never, we just had never had

1018
00:43:53,460 --> 00:43:54,220
anything quite like that.

1019
00:43:55,240 --> 00:43:56,760
And I think it was hard for her too.

1020
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:02,420
So going to college kind of had a flavor.

1021
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:03,600
wasn't quite as sweet

1022
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:06,100
as we would have probably wished and hoped.

1023
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,580
Because you guys were not on board with her college choice.

1024
00:44:09,299 --> 00:44:13,460
Well, not going that far and we wanted her closer and we really wanted her, we wanted

1025
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:15,040
one of our kids to go to our alma mater.

1026
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:15,800
We graduated

1027
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:16,340
from Huntington

1028
00:44:16,340 --> 00:44:16,760
and it

1029
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:18,620
worked out and at least get a little discount for

1030
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:20,180
the alumni

1031
00:44:20,180 --> 00:44:20,720
discount.

1032
00:44:21,020 --> 00:44:21,500
One of them.

1033
00:44:21,530 --> 00:44:21,700
That's right.

1034
00:44:21,700 --> 00:44:22,040
I worked

1035
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:22,640
hard for this.

1036
00:44:24,420 --> 00:44:29,260
So it, yeah, our paths were just, we were afraid we're going to get a little far.

1037
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:39,360
And so about her junior year of college, she asked me if I would help her find an old van

1038
00:44:40,420 --> 00:44:48,700
that when she graduates, she wants to go in it and she wants me and her to fix it up.

1039
00:44:50,780 --> 00:44:54,180
So I don't know what happened between there and there, but she still loved me.

1040
00:44:56,020 --> 00:44:57,540
I was as honored as I've ever been.

1041
00:44:59,280 --> 00:44:59,480
Yeah.

1042
00:45:00,630 --> 00:45:00,780
So,

1043
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:02,020
so you got this,

1044
00:45:02,330 --> 00:45:03,680
you got this great chance,

1045
00:45:04,060 --> 00:45:08,600
great opportunity to just spend a bunch of time with your daughter working on

1046
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:09,120
this van.

1047
00:45:10,100 --> 00:45:13,360
And you did, I mean, you did work to this thing.

1048
00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:14,420
We did work. We

1049
00:45:14,420 --> 00:45:15,020
had no

1050
00:45:15,020 --> 00:45:16,180
idea what we were doing.

1051
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:18,640
None of us had done anything.

1052
00:45:18,700 --> 00:45:22,420
But you're learning, but you're learning together now, right? Like this is,

1053
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:26,080
oh, totally. This is an interesting, like it's kind of,

1054
00:45:26,220 --> 00:45:29,740
It's the relationship dynamic is shifting here because it's not like

1055
00:45:30,220 --> 00:45:32,240
knowledgeable father and unknowledgeable daughter.

1056
00:45:32,780 --> 00:45:33,960
It's two novices coming

1057
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:34,340
together

1058
00:45:34,340 --> 00:45:34,880
on

1059
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:35,700
something. Yes.

1060
00:45:36,380 --> 00:45:40,460
I like to think I can figure things out, but yeah. Yeah. I mean, everything from,

1061
00:45:41,380 --> 00:45:45,500
cause cause Moriah has posted photos of this, of this process.

1062
00:45:45,580 --> 00:45:49,440
Now I'm remembering you, correct me if I'm wrong, basically gutted the inside.

1063
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:50,400
It was a convert is

1064
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:50,920
a conversion.

1065
00:45:51,060 --> 00:45:55,720
Converted van. And we against my will grunt gutted the whole thing. Yes.

1066
00:45:55,860 --> 00:45:57,220
I said, let's leave this and this.

1067
00:45:57,320 --> 00:45:57,980
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1068
00:45:57,980 --> 00:45:58,560
- And I came out. - She's like,

1069
00:45:58,580 --> 00:45:59,060
it's all

1070
00:45:59,060 --> 00:46:00,220
coming out. - It's down to the man.

1071
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:03,940
- And then you're doing insulation in it.

1072
00:46:04,619 --> 00:46:06,940
That's the part that I, this may be in my mind.

1073
00:46:07,180 --> 00:46:08,900
- That's the part that cannot get out of my

1074
00:46:08,900 --> 00:46:09,040
mind.

1075
00:46:09,060 --> 00:46:10,080
- There we go, there we go.

1076
00:46:10,980 --> 00:46:16,140
- I went home after I let her spray insulate the

1077
00:46:16,140 --> 00:46:16,520
van

1078
00:46:16,700 --> 00:46:17,220
and told my

1079
00:46:17,220 --> 00:46:19,880
wife that was the hardest thing

1080
00:46:19,940 --> 00:46:20,980
I've ever had to do.

1081
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:21,380
- Wow.

1082
00:46:22,339 --> 00:46:24,620
- And I realized when she posted the video

1083
00:46:24,620 --> 00:46:28,760
that I was facing the camera and my face

1084
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:30,720
tells lots of things.

1085
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:32,000
(laughing)

1086
00:46:32,060 --> 00:46:34,780
I always forget the cameras were on.

1087
00:46:35,700 --> 00:46:37,260
And she puts everything in.

1088
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:38,120
- Yeah, yeah.

1089
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:39,700
- But I was like, oh no.

1090
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:44,420
Because that, she doesn't listen and she has her own mind

1091
00:46:44,720 --> 00:46:45,600
a little bit like her dad.

1092
00:46:45,720 --> 00:46:45,960
- Yeah, yeah.

1093
00:46:46,260 --> 00:46:47,840
- And that was a very,

1094
00:46:48,260 --> 00:46:48,680
she

1095
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:51,380
created the video of that one.

1096
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:54,460
And she said, she called me,

1097
00:46:54,500 --> 00:46:58,620
I gotta call you dad, 'cause I just have to say,

1098
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:00,920
I watched the video making it,

1099
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:03,520
you were the most patient

1100
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:04,580
person.

1101
00:47:05,540 --> 00:47:06,380
I was horrible.

1102
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:09,660
I would literally tell her,

1103
00:47:10,060 --> 00:47:11,400
no, we don't wanna fill that cavity

1104
00:47:11,620 --> 00:47:12,800
because it's gonna, she'd fill it.

1105
00:47:13,660 --> 00:47:14,900
Well, now there's another one we don't wanna

1106
00:47:14,900 --> 00:47:15,760
fill it.

1107
00:47:17,720 --> 00:47:20,420
So yes, that was quite experience.

1108
00:47:20,500 --> 00:47:22,560
And she videoed everything, you know,

1109
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:24,100
And I'm, I always forget.

1110
00:47:25,380 --> 00:47:28,200
So no matter what I said or what I did,

1111
00:47:28,460 --> 00:47:29,480
farting, and she'd put it on,

1112
00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:31,720
I'm like, "There's a rule here, you can't put farting on."

1113
00:47:32,180 --> 00:47:32,620
(laughing)

1114
00:47:32,900 --> 00:47:33,920
She has no rules.

1115
00:47:34,500 --> 00:47:36,700
And I have my favorite pair of shorts that happened,

1116
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:38,960
I guess, I never see myself from the back,

1117
00:47:39,620 --> 00:47:42,380
but it does show maybe in the left cheek or something,

1118
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:45,200
and now I'm blurred out wherever I go.

1119
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:45,700
(laughing)

1120
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:50,280
And so I can no longer wear my favorite shorts

1121
00:47:50,290 --> 00:47:50,820
to work on

1122
00:47:50,820 --> 00:47:51,200
the van.

1123
00:47:51,240 --> 00:47:51,480
- Okay,

1124
00:47:51,980 --> 00:47:52,280
okay.

1125
00:47:53,020 --> 00:47:53,420
- Wow.

1126
00:47:53,940 --> 00:47:56,660
- Yeah, but I was super honored that she wanted to do this.

1127
00:47:56,660 --> 00:48:00,260
And I'm telling you, we were in a transition at work.

1128
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:03,040
We merged a couple of companies.

1129
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:05,260
I was swamped.

1130
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:06,460
- Yeah, yeah.

1131
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:07,380
- I didn't have time.

1132
00:48:07,620 --> 00:48:07,800
- Yeah.

1133
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:10,760
- But I just kept telling Angela,

1134
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:12,680
I have to make time.

1135
00:48:13,280 --> 00:48:13,780
And it hurt.

1136
00:48:14,060 --> 00:48:14,300
- Yeah.

1137
00:48:15,300 --> 00:48:17,140
- But we did, and I'm so glad I did.

1138
00:48:18,660 --> 00:48:20,460
Ended up, Bryce, right at the end,

1139
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:23,100
moved back at the end and he really helped up wrapping some things

1140
00:48:23,100 --> 00:48:23,940
up. He had some skills.

1141
00:48:24,620 --> 00:48:26,240
Come on boy! So

1142
00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:30,700
that was super helpful. We sent her off after she got it done.

1143
00:48:31,020 --> 00:48:31,720
And what's

1144
00:48:31,720 --> 00:48:36,200
the goal for, I mean there's some sort of like, is this just a wanderlust of

1145
00:48:36,240 --> 00:48:40,500
I want to go and travel the country? I mean because she's been all over and we'll get

1146
00:48:40,540 --> 00:48:47,320
a chance to share her, people can see because she's made a vlog essentially and has shared

1147
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:52,740
the kind of journeys, was the idea just to travel and to see all that she could see,

1148
00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:56,760
was there kind of another point to this, or was it like, "I'm just gonna go"?

1149
00:48:57,150 --> 00:49:01,820
- You know, she had the opportunity to do a lot of hiking in the mountains in Harrisonburg,

1150
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:10,740
and she really wanted to see the world, the West, the United States, and do a lot of hiking.

1151
00:49:11,240 --> 00:49:16,660
So this van was more of allowing her to kind of get around from state park to state park

1152
00:49:17,100 --> 00:49:19,740
and stop and see family or friends in between.

1153
00:49:20,260 --> 00:49:24,580
So that was kind of the like, gist of the idea of how this was going to go as opposed

1154
00:49:24,580 --> 00:49:25,440
to just wander.

1155
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:28,800
She really, you know, Park Pass and those

1156
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:29,800
things, and she's

1157
00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:30,840
doing lots of hiking.

1158
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:33,080
She just enjoys being in the wilderness and hiking.

1159
00:49:33,660 --> 00:49:37,480
And then, which I didn't know she was doing until I actually got to spend some time with

1160
00:49:37,540 --> 00:49:37,980
her out there.

1161
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:42,280
often, she's artistic as well, would stop on the trail

1162
00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:45,600
every time or every day, every hike she had,

1163
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,220
and draw in a way to connect

1164
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:52,040
and find who God is in her life.

1165
00:49:53,270 --> 00:49:54,480
You know, at least that's what we're praying anyhow.

1166
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:55,200
- Yeah, yeah.

1167
00:49:55,260 --> 00:49:56,460
- See God in a bigger way.

1168
00:49:57,099 --> 00:49:58,540
I think that's what she, you know,

1169
00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:01,220
growth, understanding that growth can happen from that,

1170
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:05,520
but just, I'll never get another chance to be free,

1171
00:50:06,140 --> 00:50:07,760
but also do what she loves.

1172
00:50:07,860 --> 00:50:12,520
that's really hiking. So that's kind of the instigator of that. And then allowing to go

1173
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:17,140
and she's social. She likes to see people. She got to be with family that I, she spent

1174
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:22,040
more time now with my uncle than I ever have. And so some of those cool things that have

1175
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:25,480
happened because of her van and because of her trip that she decided to do.

1176
00:50:25,660 --> 00:50:30,640
So roughly speaking, where has, where, like, where has she visited? Like all around the

1177
00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:31,400
West and?

1178
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:36,319
Yeah, well, she started in the East and went to Alabama and then, you know, well, she was

1179
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:39,420
and other times just down in Florida and then across the lower state, Louisiana,

1180
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,160
and North Dakota. Well, not North Dakota, she didn't go that far.

1181
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:47,820
But all around the South and West, visiting in Arizona to New Mexico,

1182
00:50:50,460 --> 00:50:53,420
Oklahoma, and just a bunch of states and a bunch of people.

1183
00:50:53,700 --> 00:50:55,860
And she's had a few breakdowns. Utah, yes.

1184
00:50:57,940 --> 00:51:00,180
There's been a few things have not gone as planned.

1185
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:01,700
You know, we bought an old van

1186
00:51:02,900 --> 00:51:05,140
and that's going to be part of the education, I figured.

1187
00:51:06,279 --> 00:51:10,420
It's interesting that it's actually done pretty good here.

1188
00:51:10,999 --> 00:51:13,740
She's hung in there and, but yeah, we've had a,

1189
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:15,500
I guess it's now a known thing.

1190
00:51:15,500 --> 00:51:17,680
I didn't realize that, but spark plugs shoot out of

1191
00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:18,180
forks.

1192
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:18,660
They have

1193
00:51:18,660 --> 00:51:20,740
the, yeah, and it sure did it.

1194
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:21,560
- Exciting.

1195
00:51:22,030 --> 00:51:22,520
- In a terrible

1196
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:24,140
spot in a two foot of snow

1197
00:51:24,140 --> 00:51:24,860
in Colorado.

1198
00:51:25,380 --> 00:51:27,000
But she happened to have a friend with her at that time,

1199
00:51:27,010 --> 00:51:27,760
which was kind of nice.

1200
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:28,280
That's

1201
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:28,980
a whole nother story.

1202
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:30,080
That's a way long story, but

1203
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:30,600
it was good.

1204
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:35,720
She had, yeah, some wheel bearings pouring out.

1205
00:51:35,750 --> 00:51:37,540
So it's like, how long have you been hearing that?

1206
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:38,120
Oh no,

1207
00:51:38,220 --> 00:51:39,220
just turn the radio up.

1208
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:40,120
I haven't heard it.

1209
00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:41,880
[LAUGHTER]

1210
00:51:42,420 --> 00:51:44,800
So there's some things that she's learned now to listen

1211
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:46,060
to the heartbeat of her car.

1212
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:46,660
Sure.

1213
00:51:47,420 --> 00:51:47,920
Which is good.

1214
00:51:48,100 --> 00:51:49,300
Yeah, that's like adulting.

1215
00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:50,620
That's future adulting skills.

1216
00:51:50,720 --> 00:51:51,060
That's good.

1217
00:51:51,060 --> 00:51:51,320
But she's

1218
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:53,860
been, yeah, she hasn't got to California

1219
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:56,020
and Washington and Oregon.

1220
00:51:56,050 --> 00:51:56,960
She wants to do that yet.

1221
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:58,000
So she

1222
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:01,040
occasionally returns to base camp back here.

1223
00:52:01,180 --> 00:52:04,240
Christmas she was here. That's good. And, uh,

1224
00:52:04,540 --> 00:52:07,240
and how has she been financing this, uh, this

1225
00:52:07,240 --> 00:52:09,140
trip, Joel? How is it,

1226
00:52:09,220 --> 00:52:09,340
how

1227
00:52:09,340 --> 00:52:09,960
this

1228
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:10,600
is, you know what,

1229
00:52:10,740 --> 00:52:12,100
all these parents are listening right now and they're like,

1230
00:52:12,180 --> 00:52:17,120
this sounds fantastic. How in the world is this? How is this possible?

1231
00:52:17,180 --> 00:52:17,920
How is it possible?

1232
00:52:18,100 --> 00:52:19,820
She's a, she's a, she's pretty smart.

1233
00:52:20,100 --> 00:52:23,880
She had a budget those in that sophomore year or junior year college when she

1234
00:52:23,940 --> 00:52:26,380
talked to me on her, on her van and she stayed within it,

1235
00:52:26,500 --> 00:52:28,180
even though I pushed her a few, you

1236
00:52:28,180 --> 00:52:28,600
gotta spend

1237
00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:30,260
here. Um,

1238
00:52:30,260 --> 00:52:32,880
but she stayed within her budget, she's worked pretty hard,

1239
00:52:33,120 --> 00:52:34,120
she's a good waitress

1240
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:35,580
and they get some tips

1241
00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:36,760
then she gets

1242
00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:38,400
the hours in at work.

1243
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:41,160
And so she's kind of mapped everything out, what she needs,

1244
00:52:41,540 --> 00:52:42,920
and then she lives on a dime,

1245
00:52:43,500 --> 00:52:43,800
other than

1246
00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:44,320
the fuel.

1247
00:52:44,700 --> 00:52:44,840
- Yeah.

1248
00:52:46,140 --> 00:52:47,840
- I mean, she lives on a dime.

1249
00:52:47,940 --> 00:52:50,900
And then of course, at one point, halfway through her trip,

1250
00:52:50,980 --> 00:52:52,820
she's down in Florida, as I

1251
00:52:52,820 --> 00:52:53,560
told you,

1252
00:52:53,660 --> 00:52:54,340
and my brother

1253
00:52:54,340 --> 00:52:55,760
offers her a job,

1254
00:52:56,220 --> 00:52:57,460
if she'll stay for a month.

1255
00:52:58,180 --> 00:52:59,300
And I'm like, Jeff.

1256
00:52:59,500 --> 00:53:04,700
Jeff do you realize you're extending Jeff her time out by giving her money

1257
00:53:04,700 --> 00:53:05,980
Jeff and it to me

1258
00:53:10,359 --> 00:53:14,100
Jeff I mean just so wise he's a smart businessman. He knows he got the talent nearby

1259
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:16,340
Let's look at the right get Mariah on lockdown.

1260
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:18,140
Well Mariah knows it's seasoned

1261
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:20,920
Making bank is that's

1262
00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:23,880
good. Yeah, eight-hour shift and bring it at home

1263
00:53:24,180 --> 00:53:30,100
What from your perspective what has what what has changed about variah because of this experience yeah?

1264
00:53:30,900 --> 00:53:36,160
That's a really good question, and you know when she could answer. I've seen some certain changes

1265
00:53:37,860 --> 00:53:39,540
you know when you're by yourself and

1266
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:43,860
You haven't been and everything depends on you

1267
00:53:45,340 --> 00:53:48,740
You have to make decisions if you don't you don't get anything done

1268
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:54,160
Yeah, and so decisions and planning because you don't plan yeah

1269
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:57,540
And for Mariah, she had to plan where she went to the bathroom.

1270
00:53:57,780 --> 00:53:57,860
Yeah.

1271
00:53:58,540 --> 00:53:58,720
Yeah.

1272
00:53:59,400 --> 00:53:59,520
Yeah.

1273
00:53:59,720 --> 00:54:03,000
So getting up in the morning isn't just as easy as it is for you and I.

1274
00:54:03,180 --> 00:54:03,380
Yeah.

1275
00:54:03,780 --> 00:54:09,080
And I crack up because some of her decisions as we were talking, you know, I had to decide

1276
00:54:09,110 --> 00:54:13,540
whether I'd make coffee or not because it depends on where I'm at.

1277
00:54:14,060 --> 00:54:16,440
I love a coffee in the morning, but yeah.

1278
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:25,880
So her ability to critically think as an individual, to figure out, utilize the people or the,

1279
00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:28,120
you know, that are around you to get what you need

1280
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:28,700
to have

1281
00:54:28,700 --> 00:54:31,200
is just a difference.

1282
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:38,060
And then her being alone, you're alone with your thoughts, you're alone with who you are.

1283
00:54:38,640 --> 00:54:45,660
And she has figured out her strengths, figured out what she's good at, figured out what the

1284
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:49,200
The world tells you you're not good at, but what she really is.

1285
00:54:50,260 --> 00:54:55,300
And hearing God's voice over everything

1286
00:54:55,300 --> 00:54:56,240
else and

1287
00:54:56,240 --> 00:55:00,060
recognizing she has really recognized

1288
00:55:00,860 --> 00:55:03,460
the voices around her and what they say and that it's not

1289
00:55:03,460 --> 00:55:04,560
always

1290
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:05,360
truth.

1291
00:55:06,380 --> 00:55:13,780
So I think her ability to decipher truth is probably much sharper, even than college.

1292
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:20,060
I mean college you get any college you go to you're kind of told sure right it's it's yep

1293
00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:26,760
You're getting educated so you have to suck in whatever it is. They're putting out no matter what University you go to

1294
00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:29,220
Yeah, it's not always about digging deep about

1295
00:55:30,100 --> 00:55:31,800
What's truth in and

1296
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:36,400
how it fits in your life? What you're good at well how you fit in and so?

1297
00:55:37,580 --> 00:55:42,720
Other than that and learning of course you know how to get your oil changed, and yeah, where the spark plugs are yeah

1298
00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:44,640
Yeah, and the dipstick

1299
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:45,000
yeah

1300
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:46,020
She

1301
00:55:46,020 --> 00:55:49,640
certainly learned a lot, and you know she could tell you a lot more

1302
00:55:49,980 --> 00:55:52,840
I haven't even downloaded although I did get to spend a week with her

1303
00:55:53,780 --> 00:55:59,660
She was in Zion. Yeah, gosh. Yeah, I called her and I said stay

1304
00:56:00,340 --> 00:56:03,200
Mm-hmm. She's a what I said I can get a ticket tomorrow

1305
00:56:05,780 --> 00:56:09,780
And I can be there yeah, and so I flew from South Bend to Vegas

1306
00:56:09,780 --> 00:56:11,200
yes the

1307
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:11,740
next day

1308
00:56:11,740 --> 00:56:12,180
yes

1309
00:56:12,180 --> 00:56:12,860
I

1310
00:56:12,860 --> 00:56:14,920
did told work sorry yeah

1311
00:56:15,820 --> 00:56:20,660
I'm leaving yeah, and got there on Sunday. I drove two hours to her

1312
00:56:20,660 --> 00:56:25,960
So I could fly into Vegas was two hours beautiful as and we spent the next Sunday hiking

1313
00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:28,060
that's she loves that's awesome

1314
00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:33,620
It was cool. She let me yeah, I'm honored yeah, I

1315
00:56:34,240 --> 00:56:42,160
When she first left I said hi, I want to join you and you're not invited. Oh

1316
00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:43,060
Yeah, she had to do it.

1317
00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:45,920
But the but apparently

1318
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:47,200
she feels like she has done.

1319
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:48,960
She's accomplished some of the

1320
00:56:49,100 --> 00:56:50,360
things because now you're now you're

1321
00:56:50,380 --> 00:56:51,140
invited. You're invited.

1322
00:56:51,380 --> 00:56:52,480
Well, I wasn't invited, but she did

1323
00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:52,640
say

1324
00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:53,020
yes.

1325
00:56:54,579 --> 00:56:55,720
She didn't allow yourself.

1326
00:56:55,860 --> 00:56:56,900
Invitation didn't leave.

1327
00:56:56,960 --> 00:56:58,220
That's right. She wanted a shower.

1328
00:56:58,380 --> 00:56:59,000
Let's be serious.

1329
00:57:01,220 --> 00:57:01,780
That's good.

1330
00:57:02,819 --> 00:57:04,420
So, Joe, when you look

1331
00:57:04,460 --> 00:57:06,020
at all, when you look at I think

1332
00:57:06,060 --> 00:57:07,380
you've just so well described and I

1333
00:57:07,380 --> 00:57:09,040
love it and I know your family well

1334
00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:10,020
enough. I think you've so well

1335
00:57:10,040 --> 00:57:11,359
described just the the

1336
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:18,380
the beautiful idiosyncratic unique nature of your kids and your family.

1337
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:28,800
When you look at all of it, I've really heard you say, and I think this isn't cliche, we

1338
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:35,000
hear it so often, but it is the deep truth of letting your kids know how deeply loved

1339
00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:38,180
they are and letting them know, um,

1340
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:44,780
cause, cause, cause that's the path back to relationship. Even as,

1341
00:57:44,980 --> 00:57:49,440
even as things, as things change, I, you know,

1342
00:57:50,120 --> 00:57:54,340
um, I think about my own, my own parents and it's like, you know,

1343
00:57:54,340 --> 00:57:56,380
they both came, my parents both came from,

1344
00:57:56,560 --> 00:58:00,740
my dad was not a believer younger came into belief and like, uh,

1345
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:06,240
I always feel like I'm hating on the Baptist, but very, very conservative, very, very conservative,

1346
00:58:06,819 --> 00:58:08,140
like a Christian circles.

1347
00:58:08,150 --> 00:58:12,880
My mom grew up in a fundamentalist Bible church and they came out of that and they were like,

1348
00:58:13,820 --> 00:58:16,660
we cannot let rules control.

1349
00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:18,200
They need to know the love of God.

1350
00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:19,440
They need to know how we love them.

1351
00:58:19,440 --> 00:58:20,880
We can't let rules control their life.

1352
00:58:21,460 --> 00:58:25,100
And yet there's been certain times I've heard like where you're like, oh man, I'd like a

1353
00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:26,300
few rules to probably

1354
00:58:26,300 --> 00:58:27,200
to like to

1355
00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:27,760
hop in here.

1356
00:58:27,900 --> 00:58:27,960
Right.

1357
00:58:28,040 --> 00:58:28,880
That, that challenge.

1358
00:58:29,920 --> 00:58:37,340
But at the end of the day, is it the love of God, them knowing the love of God that,

1359
00:58:38,519 --> 00:58:42,720
I mean, because I kind of just hear you say that, that's sort of cemented the bridge in

1360
00:58:42,780 --> 00:58:43,820
your guys' relationship.

1361
00:58:44,400 --> 00:58:45,340
Yeah, yeah, for sure.

1362
00:58:46,900 --> 00:58:52,960
And part of that, you know, you just have to learn, it's such a hard transition when

1363
00:58:54,380 --> 00:58:55,580
you're the knowledge,

1364
00:58:55,780 --> 00:58:56,260
you

1365
00:58:56,260 --> 00:58:59,319
know what's best, and you need to make those decisions and you

1366
00:58:59,200 --> 00:59:02,380
and you continually are doing that and then shifting to,

1367
00:59:03,940 --> 00:59:07,480
the biggest thing is, you shift from telling them

1368
00:59:08,700 --> 00:59:09,660
to listening.

1369
00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:10,140
- Yeah.

1370
00:59:10,940 --> 00:59:12,500
- You have to hear them.

1371
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:15,720
And that shift from telling to listening is your influence.

1372
00:59:16,140 --> 00:59:17,460
You don't wanna lose your influence.

1373
00:59:17,780 --> 00:59:21,440
But if you don't stop and listen to 'em,

1374
00:59:23,060 --> 00:59:24,560
you gotta hear where they're at.

1375
00:59:24,760 --> 00:59:27,480
You can't assume you know, and it's not where you think.

1376
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:28,140
- Yeah. - Yeah.

1377
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:34,920
because we're so, we do, we get so focused on that and if we don't take the time to listen and hear,

1378
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:39,600
because the perception is different, their world's gonna be different, our world was

1379
00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:44,820
different than our parents'. Yeah. And if you don't take the time to find that out and care

1380
00:59:44,940 --> 00:59:51,540
enough to swallow your pride and say I'm not gonna even mention anything in this conversation,

1381
00:59:51,700 --> 00:59:58,500
I'm gonna only ask questions and I'm gonna find out. Yeah. What they really are at, where they're

1382
00:59:58,500 --> 01:00:02,460
And where we could be a help if we can and what they need

1383
01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:06,360
From you we need from us. Yeah as opposed to what I think they need

1384
01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:07,200
yeah, beautiful.

1385
01:00:07,460 --> 01:00:08,420
It's really difficult

1386
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:14,400
Well, Joel you you have been a wealth of knowledge here.

1387
01:00:14,600 --> 01:00:14,740
Yeah

1388
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:18,280
Talking

1389
01:00:18,280 --> 01:00:21,680
so many things away here. Yeah, got me got me. I've hit the marker on our

1390
01:00:21,680 --> 01:00:21,920
record

1391
01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:26,620
Yeah, it'll be lots of good memorable clips, but obviously

1392
01:00:27,340 --> 01:00:30,440
We cannot let anyone leave this show

1393
01:00:31,480 --> 01:00:31,960
Before

1394
01:00:31,960 --> 01:00:34,900
and now it's time for the dudes and dads popcorn

1395
01:00:35,200 --> 01:00:40,300
Fantastic Joel this is where we ask you random questions you can't prepare for we almost can't prepare for

1396
01:00:40,980 --> 01:00:44,720
It doesn't really even have anything to do with anything. It's what it's what comes to us

1397
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:49,660
So we're gonna. We're gonna give it a shot. Well, Andy you go you can do a couple. I'll do a couple

1398
01:00:49,720 --> 01:00:50,520
We'll see what happens all right

1399
01:00:50,520 --> 01:00:53,860
perfect sounds sounds good. So Gary yeah, yeah

1400
01:00:54,500 --> 01:00:57,600
So I'm gonna go easy on you Joel. Thank you right first

1401
01:00:59,100 --> 01:01:00,180
We're gonna get warmed up

1402
01:01:02,080 --> 01:01:06,220
When you think about going out for dinner, where's one place that you're gonna go oh

1403
01:01:07,580 --> 01:01:14,880
I love Mexican nice almost any Mexican which I had for lunch, okay? We had what we call the Ponderosa, Mexico yes

1404
01:01:16,020 --> 01:01:17,360
El Rancho Viejo

1405
01:01:17,360 --> 01:01:17,760
where

1406
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:18,040
used

1407
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:18,500
to be the

1408
01:01:19,960 --> 01:01:22,680
Just so you know you're on to when people call it that and this moment

1409
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:26,060
The moment you said Ponderosa Mexican,

1410
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:27,920
I knew exactly what you were talking about.

1411
01:01:28,210 --> 01:01:28,680
It's a good answer.

1412
01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:31,240
Question number two, Joel.

1413
01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:35,140
Apart from the Bible, we'll say that.

1414
01:01:37,320 --> 01:01:38,460
Favorite book you've ever read?

1415
01:01:39,180 --> 01:01:39,960
- Purpose Driven Life.

1416
01:01:40,660 --> 01:01:41,900
It is not about you.

1417
01:01:42,080 --> 01:01:42,540
- There we go.

1418
01:01:42,560 --> 01:01:44,820
- You get that, you're way ahead

1419
01:01:44,820 --> 01:01:45,280
of the game.

1420
01:01:45,380 --> 01:01:46,480
- There we go, okay.

1421
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:47,820
- All right, add that to our list.

1422
01:01:47,940 --> 01:01:48,820
- Add it to the list, all right.

1423
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:55,080
Over the years, I know you've had you're wearing a shirt right now about cruising.

1424
01:01:55,380 --> 01:01:56,740
So you love cars. Yes.

1425
01:01:57,880 --> 01:01:59,540
What's been your favorite car that you've owned?

1426
01:01:59,960 --> 01:02:04,500
Oh, you know, I probably would have said I have a 87 Camaro

1427
01:02:04,700 --> 01:02:04,920
that I

1428
01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:05,100
got

1429
01:02:05,100 --> 01:02:05,240
when

1430
01:02:05,240 --> 01:02:08,900
I was 17 and dated my wife.

1431
01:02:09,520 --> 01:02:10,400
Maybe a couple of other ladies.

1432
01:02:13,860 --> 01:02:15,140
So with a car like

1433
01:02:15,140 --> 01:02:16,120
that, it makes sense.

1434
01:02:16,240 --> 01:02:17,480
I took

1435
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:19,280
care of it, so I've kept it all this time.

1436
01:02:19,280 --> 01:02:23,180
I've had it, but recently I get myself a little birthday present

1437
01:02:24,680 --> 01:02:30,100
Years back, and it's a another Camaro, but it's you know it's 2010, but it's a super sport

1438
01:02:30,100 --> 01:02:30,660
yes

1439
01:02:31,960 --> 01:02:33,380
That seems to be more fun. Yeah,

1440
01:02:33,840 --> 01:02:34,980
yeah, I don't know what it is about

1441
01:02:34,980 --> 01:02:36,720
it. Maybe it's the SS yeah

1442
01:02:37,860 --> 01:02:38,260
Probably

1443
01:02:38,260 --> 01:02:42,660
that is probably that would be my favorite like you can take all my others, but just give me that one. Yeah,

1444
01:02:42,860 --> 01:02:43,200
that's good

1445
01:02:45,380 --> 01:02:47,080
Joel if oh

1446
01:02:48,200 --> 01:02:54,620
Okay, I'm gonna see Andy uses this one everyone's well Joel if you there were to be a restaurant the name to sandwich after you

1447
01:02:54,980 --> 01:02:59,400
The the Joel Miller special what's gonna be on that sandwich? What's what are we looking at?

1448
01:02:59,760 --> 01:03:02,800
Well, we'll probably start out with a burger. Of course. It's

1449
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:04,340
gonna be cheese. Yep

1450
01:03:05,580 --> 01:03:06,860
Like a little cheese with spice

1451
01:03:08,020 --> 01:03:10,599
But you know I actually like pulled pork. Oh as

1452
01:03:11,580 --> 01:03:12,760
Chunky barbecue sauce

1453
01:03:12,760 --> 01:03:13,880
basically gotcha

1454
01:03:13,880 --> 01:03:17,160
okay, and then grilled onions

1455
01:03:18,439 --> 01:03:21,140
And I'll even take a little Chipotle spice.

1456
01:03:22,319 --> 01:03:23,400
Oh, OK.

1457
01:03:23,760 --> 01:03:24,100
So

1458
01:03:24,100 --> 01:03:25,780
Chipotle Joel is required.

1459
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:26,920
That's what I'm talking about.

1460
01:03:26,930 --> 01:03:28,280
All right, I'm going to order the Joel

1461
01:03:28,280 --> 01:03:28,960
Miller next time I

1462
01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:29,440
go to the

1463
01:03:29,440 --> 01:03:29,540
market.

1464
01:03:29,540 --> 01:03:30,200
Joel Miller, I'm

1465
01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:30,480
sold.

1466
01:03:30,780 --> 01:03:31,080
I'm sold.

1467
01:03:31,300 --> 01:03:32,040
Barbecued pulled pork.

1468
01:03:32,120 --> 01:03:32,800
Well, congratulations,

1469
01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:33,100
Joel.

1470
01:03:33,100 --> 01:03:33,400
You have

1471
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:33,880
successfully

1472
01:03:33,880 --> 01:03:36,900
passed the Dudes and Dads Pop Quiz with flying colors.

1473
01:03:37,210 --> 01:03:37,340
And

1474
01:03:37,340 --> 01:03:39,540
brother, thank you so much for being here.

1475
01:03:39,640 --> 01:03:40,180
Thank you guys.

1476
01:03:40,240 --> 01:03:40,660
It's an honor.

1477
01:03:40,840 --> 01:03:41,680
Oh, man, it's so cool.

1478
01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:42,960
I hope I told you what not to do.

1479
01:03:43,619 --> 01:03:43,980
We've

1480
01:03:43,980 --> 01:03:47,140
just we've tucked away so many wealth, a lot of wealth and knowledge.

1481
01:03:47,160 --> 01:03:51,900
But yeah, well hey everybody as always if you want to get a hold of us

1482
01:03:51,920 --> 01:03:58,620
You can do so over at dudes as podcast at gmail.com with all of your future show suggestions your harsh critiques

1483
01:03:59,580 --> 01:04:01,780
Or don't send those to me or bird. Yeah, or

1484
01:04:01,780 --> 01:04:02,320
burger recipes

1485
01:04:02,320 --> 01:04:03,040
ideas

1486
01:04:04,380 --> 01:04:05,660
And we should we should share

1487
01:04:06,400 --> 01:04:08,100
We'll share Mariah's her vlog

1488
01:04:08,100 --> 01:04:08,560
info

1489
01:04:08,560 --> 01:04:11,900
if you want to follow along and see the crazy fun and the old

1490
01:04:12,120 --> 01:04:14,820
The old conversion van and so it's worth it's worth a look

1491
01:04:14,920 --> 01:04:15,920
What else Andy

1492
01:04:15,920 --> 01:04:21,160
if you want to call our voicemail number five seven four five zero one four four six seven

1493
01:04:21,160 --> 01:04:23,860
We love to hear your feedback. We do we love it all

1494
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:27,080
Obviously can head over to dudes and dads

1495
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:34,440
calm for all past episodes and current episodes show notes teacher episode your episodes

1496
01:04:35,140 --> 01:04:39,480
Merchandise all the good stuff glad glad to send you that way

1497
01:04:39,300 --> 01:04:44,660
And as always we want to thank Scott Allen for our theme music keeping it keeping it jazzy

1498
01:04:44,660 --> 01:04:49,880
Just saw a clip of him over the Oak Hard Jazz Festival doing his doing his work and so smooth so good

1499
01:04:50,900 --> 01:04:54,580
But hey guys, thanks for hanging out with us and until next time we wish you grace and peace

1500
01:04:54,580 --> 01:04:56,720
[MUSIC

1501
01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:57,640
PLAYING]