In this episode, we're going to respond to a message that we had left for us on our SpeakPipe page. So let's have a listen to the message. Hi, I had massive panic attacks about 10 years ago, which I cannot seem to get over. I think total overwhelmment from, um, divorce, three jobs, building a house, just too much stress, really. And it all came out in my car. Um, I've tried various hypnotherapists, I'm now going out with a driving instructor, which I did years ago. Nothing seems to, to help, sadly. so I've been like this for about 10 years now, and I would just love to be able to drive like I used to in the past, carefree, enjoying it. I can't go above 30 miles an hour. I just freak. Um, I just want to brake all the time. But yeah, it's just an absolute mental block that I seem to have. any help would be great. Thank you. So thank you so much for leaving that message, because that gives us. Plenty to be, to be talking about I'm responding to. Yeah. And it's, it's, we're going to probably tackle all of it, but at the same time, we'll just do it bit by bit and what we noticed and what we heard. Yeah, definitely. I'm starting off with the fact that. You actually have a really great awareness that the cause of the problem is not your drive in. The cause of the problem. Came back to that period in your life. About 10 years ago, where you just had so much going on that life was incredibly. Stressful. No, because the thing is with, we've talked about this before, haven't we. The thing is when somebody is a driver and they're an experienced driver. Then they often do some of their driving on autopilot. And what that means is that freeze up thinking space. So you're driving, you're very aware of what's going on around you, but at the same time, you do have a bit of spare capacity. That means that sometimes you're thinking about other things in your life. Now I feel life is incredibly stressful. Then those are the things you tend to think about your, you know, this is a time where maybe you're on your own. You're alone with your thoughts. You're trying to problem solve some of the things that are going on in your life. What can I do about this? What can I do about that? And it's those thoughts, those thinking about those stressful things. That then leave you feeling. I don't sure. Yes. And to the point where actually you can start to feel really panicky. Now of course it's. If this is going on while you're driving, that's terrifying. Isn't it. Well, yeah. And it's, it's almost like, um, you've created an anchor for yourself. Where everything in your life is happening. And it's all come to a head almost while you're driving. Yeah. The anchor is, as soon as I'm driving. That place or that speed or doing whatever it is that road, that type of road. That's the anchor that you start to think of. Oh, no, this panic attack is going to happen again. Yes, because it's sort of like when I did this, I fell like this. Now our brain sets us up is all about survival and actually not just survival. It's all about trying to avoid those really uncomfortable things that go on. So your brain's gone. We don't ever want to repeat that experience. That was horrible. Um, let's not do that again. And in your brain. Sort of like a portions owl, the blame onto the activity, which was the driving. Whereas actually it would have been much more. I'm cure. If your brain had apportioned the blame. To thinking about stressful things in your life. Yeah. But it doesn't, it always goes to the activity first. Yeah. That's it. And so it's set you aren't with this association, like kept, says. An anchor and association with drive in wherever you were or whatever speed you were with those feelings. And this then has a knock-on effect. And for you, this has had a knock on effect for, for many years. Yeah. The first thing I noticed. You know what you want to be doing? So you can see into the future almost. I want to go back to that time when I was doing this. When I was driving stress-free. Which is great because now we've got something to work towards. It's working towards that. Isn't it? Where we, we start to think of. That's where I want to get to. Yes. And. That can actually stand you in really good stead. That remembering what it was like before. One that gives you the evidence that it's not your driving. That's the problem because it wasn't before. And you've already stated what happened on what caused the problem. So, you know, it's not your driving, so you have the positive evidence there to help you challenge that association that you've set up. But equally that remembering what it was like before being able to drive carefree. We did an episode with San Harper. Back in January, February this year 24. Um, the episode was all about your alter ego. Now using your past driving south, as an example would be a great way of using that exercise that we talked about of the alter-ego. So what happens when you decide that you're going to slip on that person? Again, you're going to put that per the jacket of that person. You're going to act. Like that person, your alter ego is your past drive in south. So when I'm driving, what would it be like to drive like my past self and to act like that, to put it on almost like an actor does a character. So trying it on for size. And let's see if I can drive like that. What would my past self do? So have a listen to that episode back at the beginning of the year, where we talked much more detailed about it. And see whether that would help out. So there was a couple of other things that were mentioned as well. And one was, I want to break all the time. And I go to 30 miles an hour maximum. So let's break that down again. Let's go to, uh, start off with the 30 miles an hour maximum. Well, how does it feel when you're just keeping under that, you know, driving to one of the supermarkets? And you're not really going faster than 30. How does that feel? What are you doing? That's making that feel good. You know, cause you can do it. Yeah. There is no problem. But that's what we want to be thinking. We want to be thinking of those positive experiences. That then you can transfer later on when we move forward into go in slightly faster. So one of the other things was, I want to break all the time. So that that's look it up and you can challenge all the time. So just asking yourself, am I breaking all the time? I wanted to break all the time. Well, the answer is probably no. You know, there's some times when you're going to be driving. And you are just driving. You know, you're not breaking, you're just keeping up with the flow of traffic. So, you know, there are times when you're going to be. Driving and you're not braking. So just recognize that fact. and this is all about faults are not facts. So when, what you're telling yourself potentially is not true. I want to break all the time, but if you want to break all the time, you're never going to get anywhere. So that actually hasn't happened. There are times when you're driving. And you've actually got somewhere without breaking all the time. So it's identifying what areas, what roads is it that you are breaking all the time so that you can separate out that thoughts and facts? So isn't, is it all of the time really? Or is it just certain roads? Certain. Areas so that you know what it is that you're working on. but then say well done for driving like that in those areas, but you're driving. Okay. And you're not feeling like you've got to break all the time or. You know, I'm driving at 25. I'm all right. Yeah. Now, one of the things I will say about the break-in is this CS. A safety behavior. So again, this is your brain saying, okay, we don't want to repeat that experience. That was horrible. Let's not do that again. instead of your brain saying, let's not think about stressful things again, while we're driving it saying. Let's put the brakes on. Let's not go over this speed instead. So it's got an error in there. There's a it's it's made this incorrect association and it's set up with this safety behavior or press the break. If we go over this speed in this area. So it's challenging. Some of that is like, okay, what is. The reason for that thing called this as an overzealous body guard. Who's going. Whoa, no, don't do that. Whoa. No, don't do that. So what is it? That that part of your brain, that overzealous body guard part of your brain is trying to keep you safe from and challenge the fact of. E's break-in. On that road at that speed at that time. Actually keeping me safe. So that you can start to challenge. And it may well be that we need to say actually, no, not on this occasion. Thanks very much for the warning, but braking wouldn't be appropriate here. That actually wouldn't keep me safe. And so you can stand the soldiers down. It's fine. I am in control. Thank you very much. So there's a bit of a. It's almost like setting up a bit of a dialogue with the part of your brain. That's trying to keep you safe and working out well. Is why is that safe to do that? And is it genuinely safe to do that? Or is that an error? Yeah. It is part of just recognizing what's happening. You know, being, I suppose, mindful of the moment, you know, what's actually happening. At that moment, the brain saying one thing, but do we need to do it? Yeah, he's trying to keep us safe, but at the same time, It's okay at that moment to say. Do you know what I'm all right. So this might also be an appropriate time to start talking about, okay, well, if we're going to start challenging this. Checking the facts deciding, you know, where is the error? Is it safe? Isn't it safe? So maybe this is the best place to start talking about. Okay, so what do I do next? How do I go forward? I've I've looked at it. Open to the safety part of my brain. We've agreed that maybe it's not that safe. What do I do next? So we always talk about buying sizing. So it's working out. It's recognizing that when you make any change is always going to be feel. Uncomfortable. Or it's likely to feel uncomfortable because if you decide, actually I'm not going to break there I'm not going to break at 30 miles an hour on that particular road, because it's not as safe as my, my safety system is trying to tell me, is. How do, how do you go forward with. Uh, without it. Getting to the point where you have a panic attack while you're driving. So the key is by its size. How uncomfortable. I'm only willing to feel. For how long. And how much am I going to push that? So it may be that you decide I'm going to try drive in at 31 miles an hour. You might decide 33 or something else. So, but you decide how much am I going to challenge myself? So you set that you by size that to what's comfortable for you. But. Bite-size in is all about what area am I going to do it? And so what road am I going to do that on? How far am I going to do that for? So am I going to, am I going to drive at 31 miles an hour from that lamp post to that lamp post? Or am I going to drive at 33 miles an hour for two minutes? Am I going to do it at a time of the day when I know that the road is really quiet. So does that feel safer for me? So it's all about planning. What level of discomfort can you work with? Um, what is your challenge going to be? And our recommendation is to make it so that it, it feels a bit challenging. But not so much. That it sets. Shoe off and makes you feel panicky because that's too much. So it's trying to find that fine line of, okay. I want to challenge this. I'm prepared to be. Uncomfortable for this, this amount of uncomfortable or uncomfortable for this amount of time. And work it out from there. So there's lots there to sort of like summarize almost. But if we think about, just recognize what you can do at the moment. I think he's one of the first steps you can take is I can do this. This is okay. That immediately starts to say to yourself, Okay. I can drive. This is, this is all right. Then you move on to the next stage, which is like, okay, can I, can I just challenge myself a little bit more? You're coming out of that comfort zone. And just challenging yourself just to just a little tiny bit for a short period of time. And then reward yourself. And I think this is the bit that people don't do enough because then they go back into their shell. Start rewarding yourself. Yeah, look, I did this. Do a voice note do tell someone, you know, that you've actually, do you know what I've actually done this today? Which is more than I've done. Since that happened. So I am. Progressing. I am getting closer to where I want to be. It may not happen tomorrow may not happen next week, but I am working towards. That goal of getting back to being that carefree. Stress-free. Driver. Yeah, I think you're right there. Have there is, we all want to be able to resolve the problem in quite a dramatic way. Don't. Um, we, we, we want to, so going to see a hypnotherapist, having lessons with a driving instructor, we're sort of hoping. The, we can do that a couple of times, and then it will all have gone away. But I think very often that progress is a lot slower. It. And so keeping track of it. Recognizing it rewarding yourself for it. Uh, acknowledging it, celebrating. It is really important. And it is, and it's, you know, There's so many, not just driving, but it could be fitness. You know, when I was 21, I was fairly fit. But now I'm later on in life, it's like, What can I do those things that I used to be up? It's going to take time to get back to that. I may never get there, but at the same time I'm working towards that. So even in other areas, your life you've done something very similar. So one other way to also, probably at the beginning of this, as well as enough question that you could ask yourself. How do you feel. When you're a passenger and the car is traveling. Uh, certain speed, you know, one day, if you was the driver that, but no, no. So, how do you feel as a passenger? And you might well feel that it's okay. You might feel. Do you know what? I just don't look outside. I'll just look on my phone. Or it might be that you can't do it. You can't even do it as a passenger. So just ask yourself, you know, look at that and think, well, okay, what do I do as a passenger? Yeah, this was one that just popped into our minds. Didn't it? Because you hadn't mentioned it in your message. So it may be that it's not a problem at all. But if there are problems as a passenger as well, then starting, there can be a good point. for you building up your challenges and your resilience. So if it was just a thought that we wanted to pop in. Just in case that was there as well. So let us do a quick summary. Starting off was the fact that you were aware that this wasn't to do with your driving, that previously you had been a happy carefree driver, but then it was this case of the overflowing stress bucket. With so many things going on in your life that thinking about those while driving, as you say, it all came out in the car. So this acknowledgement that it's. Not your driving. It was the stress bucket. It was the stress overwhelm that caused the problem. And that was a really good starting point. Yeah. So I would say as well, you've the next point is you actually know what you want. Do you know where you want to get to in this journey? That's another key point there. Yeah. And you have the evidence that you can do it because you've done it before. So let's try putting that on as if you're an actor play in a park. Next time you drive. Let's try putting on your past self when you're drive in and see if that helps. And also if you are actually driving at the moment as well, not literally at the moment, but where do you drive at the moment that you feel comfortable? How does that feel? You know, just to get. Do you start checking in with yourself? I can do this. This is okay. Yeah. Looking at those thoughts versus facts. And then. Looking at challenging where you are and what you can do. So how can you put in a small challenge that is challenging, but it's also achievable. It feels doable. It doesn't feel like it will tip you into a panic attack. So it is all about finding that bite size goal and you combine size with where you do it, how long you do it for, um, when you do. Do it, so bite-size as much as you want. Yeah. The smaller, the better normally. Yeah. And then repeat and repeat. And repeat. And reward. Andrew. Yeah, chocolate. Whatever, whatever it is. Yeah. And that acknowledging your success. Progress. It might be small, but progress is progress. So it really is that that rewires your brain. And then just checking in. Are you okay as a passenger? Yeah. Okay. I think we've covered most of that. And hopefully it's going to be helpful. Yeah, I really hope that helps. I hope that helps you. And I hope that helps other people who are listening. Let us know if it does keep in touch, let us know how you get on our contact details are in the show notes as always. And so all that leaves us to do is to say until next time, have a great day, whatever you're doing.