David:

[0:00] Well, hello. Today I'm super excited to have with me Amber Johnson. Amber is not your ordinary business professional that I'm bringing on to talk about business, but she has been doing a significant work in her family by taking care of her dad for the past seven years. This is something that everyone will face at some time in their lives. So, this is one of those moments where if we observe it, we can learn from others and about something about something we may face in the future as well. So Amber, welcome to Redeeming Business Today podcast. I'm glad to have you here.

Amber:

[0:32] Yes. Thank you so much for having me.

David:

[0:35] Yeah. I love what you're doing. You're an example of what I wish more people would do, because as a society who is quick to put people into a nursing home, it's neat to see other people taking care of their parents. I know we took care of our parents as much as we could. Not me, but my family did. And my father-in-law took care of his, his folks. And it's, it's a neat thing to do. Keep up the good work. So, if you could give us a brief history, what were the events that happened and why are you taking care of your dad today? What happened?

Amber:

[1:13] Well, we can take it way back to 2012 for a minute. He started having these transient ischemic attacks, TIAs or mini strokes. And just to give the people an idea, if you have a relative or a loved one that has AFib, that's an irregular heartbeat, it's important to check that out because that could lead to a stroke. So, if you have AFib, be aware that that can lead to a stroke. So that's where it kind of was the catalyst for him starting to have these strokes along with stress in his life from taking care of his mother. And then he's, you know, because she had a stroke. He was taking care of her. It was a lot going on. So, then he started having strokes and then we had to help take care of her. But then he got better eventually. And then in 2017, August of 2017, he got hit by a car. So, from that point on, he had another stroke because when they have to do surgery on you, they take you off of the blood thinners, which can cause another stroke. So that's what happened after that as a result. And it's just been one emotional roller coaster, one crazy ride since that day. And we've just been hanging on for their life, you know?

David:

[2:33] Oh yeah. Yeah. It's, it's nothing that you want to do, but it's, it's a good thing. I mean, they took care of, our parents take care of us when they're kids, when we're babies and we can't take care of ourselves. And so, it's part of that repayment process at the end of their life. So very good. So, I know when we have children, we learn a lot about ourselves.

David:

[2:53] I'm sure when you are now taking care of your dad, you're learning a lot about yourself, what are there some lessons that you have learned about yourself that you'd like to share with other people.

Amber:

[3:08] I have learned that I'm stronger than I thought I was I can handle more than I thought I could handle but I also learned that that I have limits and that I have to take care of myself and prioritize myself. Because if I don't, then I cannot be there to help him in the best way possible and support my mom as well. Because we are a team. That's so important to know. We are a team doing this and it takes both of us to be at our best to show up for him in the best way. So that's something I learned, like take care of yourself. So, yes, give care, but take care of you as well.

David:

[3:52] Yeah. And we talked about this a little bit before, but is it possible then to care for others to the detriment of yourself?

Amber:

[4:00] Yes. When you forget to honor your temple, like when you forget to do the little things that you can do for yourself. Now, you have to have an abbreviated routine of sorts. You can't necessarily do all the things that you would have been doing before you had this responsibility. But it's important to say, hey, what's that one thing that I can do for myself today? Is it a stretch? Can I read a novel? Can I watch my favorite TV show? Can I make sure that I take a shower? Can I eat a meal that I really enjoy? You have to really hone in on those things that you can do and not focus on so much of the thing as you can't. And, you know, as I approach Chapter 35 coming up at the end of this week, I'm like, oh, I have to really understand that. Hey, this is something I need to still celebrate in the midst of the crazy. You still have to take time to celebrate those important days and those important moments in your life. So that's something I'm learning, too.

David:

[5:05] OK, that's good. Good. It reminds me of flying when they always say, if this oxygen mask falls down, put it on yourself first before you give it to a child or somebody next to you. Because if you can't take care of yourself, you're not going to be fit to take care of other people. And that's very good. And so, in doing that, how what is a practical way to set boundaries for yourself as being a primary caregiver?

Amber:

[5:32] I think that something that I have to keep reminding my mom of is like, you know, go to sleep. Like, you know, it's not always easy because you get anxious and, you know, you're looking out for the person that you love. But you have to take the time to like you have to really say, I need to go to sleep because if I don't, it's going to be a problem. Like, I'm not going to be right. And I think boundaries can be hard to keep because it's not like a situation where, oh, this is the schedule and everything's going to go exactly according to plan. Because that's the total opposite of what happens at caregiving. Because let me tell you a real-time experience. I literally this morning, I was like on Mondays, I put out the trash. So, you know, I tend to stay up because I'm like, I'm not going to fall asleep and then have to chase the trash truck down the street. I'm not going to do that. I was sleeping until like five. And then next thing I know, it was like, it was like six in the morning. Then, you know, things would turn out, he had to be changed again. So, you know, it was six in the morning, but I couldn't lay down until about 8:30 this morning. So, you can't account for that kind of stuff. You just have to say, hey, well, I'll sleep when I can. So, I lay down until about two o'clock and that's that, you know?

David:

[6:55] Yep. You have to be flexible. That's very true. Very true. So how has being a Christian affected the way you care for your dad?

Amber:

[7:05] I think that one of the most instrumental things I've learned is that you know what, sometimes we think about the things that we have to do for our loved ones, right? We're thinking about, oh, we got to do this. We got to do this. But you forget to consider the person in totality, their mind, their spirit. the things that they need as far as their emotions. So that's something that I feel like I've tried to incorporate in today by doing the Abide sleep meditation videos. I'll play those so he can hear scriptures and prayers overnight. And I definitely have to lean on the word for myself as a lifeline and have those little worship snacks. That's what I like to call it throughout the day. Put on Alexa, jam out to my favorite gospel songs, read some email devotionals, open a bible app you know those things are really crucial to hanging on because if not you're just going to fall apart if you're not relying on God. Like you have to rely on God in his journey because you got to know that he's going to take care of you while you're taking care of them

David:

[8:10] Sure. And that's where I've seen people really go all in trying to take care of other people and not take care of themselves. And they say, well, Jesus was available for people. Yeah, they forget that. Yeah, they forget that Jesus also took off and left the crowds at times and spent time alone as well. He wasn't always with the crowd. There are times where he spent long hours with the crowd, times where he got away and spent time with his heavenly father. And I think that's probably important for us as well, isn't it?

Amber:

[8:42] Yes. You have to take those moments to get away and dare I say, be aggressive about it. Because if you're not aggressive and protective about your time with God, especially like that, that's like, it's going to show up in every other area of your life. And it's like, if I don't hear that quiet sign first, I'm kind of grumpy. I'm like, I can't. Cause it's like that little check-in of your, you know, with your spirit. It's like, oh, you know, I need to be kind today because I read this verse and it showed me, oh, that was a reminder that I need to be kind, that I need to watch my words, that I need to, you know, renew my mind, you know, transform by his, you know, his word. It's really a daily process. It's a lifestyle. You have to really see it as a lifestyle. Like, hey, let me check in. What does God say about me today? What is he saying to me today? And what does he have for me today in his word. And that's something I had to really like, Ooh, you really got to be intentional because if not everything in the day will try to snatch you away from that time.

David:

[9:43] Sure. Absolutely. Very good. So, do you have a favorite Bible verse that keeps you going?

Amber:

[9:51] One of the ones I've been heavily leaning on lately is Isaiah 26:3. You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you. That's the NLT translation. and just a little tip for y'all put it on Alexa as a reminder go into your app on Alexa and type it in and she'll say she'll remind you twice in a row at whatever time that you set for her to remind you and that's been really nice as well because you need that little pick me up like every now and then it's like oh hey hold on remember this.

David:

[10:26] That's a good thing rather than just turn your lights on they can remind you of bible verses So that's a way to use technology. Very good. Very good. So what can other people do to help caregivers like yourself? Is there anything we can do to support you and your caregiving?

Amber:

[10:44] I think one of the most important things is to show up genuinely and bring your empathy with you and say, hey, how are you doing? How are you feeling? You know, get, you know, call the person, text the person, check in regularly with the people that you know that are caregivers, drop some food off and ask, you know, is there something that you could do for them? Like beyond just prayer because a lot of times people say oh, I’ll pray for you and then they'll you'll ask is there anything I can do but it's like it's very rare that some people will actually follow through with that when you ask them. So, you know hey so you said is there something I can do for you, I’m like okay so it's really the emotional support is so big but just the little things, the gestures that you can do, kind gestures to think about somebody, show them that you're thinking of them. They're not forgotten because it can be a lonely circumstance to be a caregiver because you're in this bubble and people kind of don't know what to do or say sometimes. So those are some suggestions to people out there that know caregivers. You know, hey, what can I do? What should I do? I don't know how to approach this.

David:

[12:01] I know there again it's a different end of the spectrum but it reminds me when we had lots of little ones at home and we spent all day taking care of them and there's rest when you went to bed kind of thing and it's the same on the other opposite end of the spectrum and yeah people when you have a new baby they shower you with all these meals and stuff for the first week and then it's you're on your own crickets, and so I agree you have to be intentional to think about that and to help people out because you've been doing this for a long time. And so, yeah, it's a marathon run. It's not a sprint.

Amber:

[12:39] Exactly. Like, that's the thing. Like, I liken it to when people pass away. It's like they don't see you anymore. Like, you know, those first few months and weeks of, hey, how you doing? You know, drop some food off or something or ask about how your relative is doing. And then after that, as the years go on, you don't hear anything from anybody unless you reach out first. So that's something that I would say that people need to be aware of to just think, hey, how's that person doing? I haven't heard from them in a while. Let me, you know, just check in. And that's probably the depth of the relationship, too.

David:

[13:14] Very good. Yes. So, is there anything else about caregiving that questions I should ask you that I haven't asked you?

Amber:

[13:29] I think that something that is really important is those that support that, you know, people don't think about, like, what is it like to try to have relationships and maintain those healthy relationships? Aside from that, how do you maintain that balance of doing what you need to do for your loved one, but making sure to do what fuels you, what energizes you? and that those would be two things I would say.

David:

[14:01] Okay. Very good. So, you've been doing this for a while. I know we've talked, and you have a blog and you have a podcast. What in the future for you? Do you have anything exciting coming up down the pipeline?

Amber:

[14:14] Absolutely. Tomorrow I'm actually going to be recording a podcast, God's will, and, you know, just recording a few more podcast episodes. And hopefully I'll have a few of the previous ones that I've recorded. They'll be out in October, the ones that I've been on as a guest. So, I always make sure I let y'all know on my channel, BEE Channel 27 on Instagram, you can find the latest information about it.

David:

[14:45] Okay. And so, if we wanted to hear more about you or your podcast channel, How could we find out more about you?

Amber:

[14:52] You can go to BEE Channel 27 on any social platform like Instagram, TikTok, Pinterest, YouTube, Spotify, all those different places. I'm on all the things.

David:

[15:03] Okay. Very good. Well, Amber, thank you very much for today. It's been a pleasure to talk to you, and I hope that everything goes well. Take care of your dad and that you continue to take care of yourself and to, yeah, take care of yourself so you have energy. Very good. Thank you very much.

Amber:

[15:21] I appreciate it.

David:

[15:23] Well, there you have it. Our conversation with Amber Johnson from the Bee Channel. Blessing, edifying, and encouraging others to live their best lives. Ecclesiastes 7:2 says, It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for that is the end of all men, and the living will lay it to his heart. Verse 4 says, the heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth. Today we have looked at something serious that each one of us will have to face at some time in our life, the aging of our parents. How will you come through at the end of this test? Will you send them off to a nursing home without any thought? We take care of them 100% just by yourself or somewhere in between. Amber is doing a noble thing by taking care of her dad and as an example to the rest of us, and I commend her for that. I know every situation is different, and I would be presumptive to think I know what is best for each one of you. But I want you to consider, when that time comes, what would God have you to do for your parents when they cannot take care of themselves? My friends, time is precious. And even though you may be crazy busy with your business and life, spend some time with your parents and grandparents before they are gone. And remember, time has limits. You can't do everything. Choose wisely.