1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:01,200 - Good morning, everybody. 2 00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:02,680 Welcome to Harbor West. 3 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:05,280 Great to see all of you guys and great to worship with you. 4 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:06,180 My name is Justin. 5 00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:08,280 I'm one of the pastors here at our church 6 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:11,360 and we're gonna continue worshiping our God together 7 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:13,380 and we're gonna continue worshiping him 8 00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:16,000 by opening the Bible, opening his word, 9 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,440 the way he spoke to us, 10 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,420 and we're gonna read it together, study it together, 11 00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:22,040 seek to believe it together, 12 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:24,080 and then to live it out together. 13 00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:25,000 And so if you have a Bible, 14 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,400 you can grab it now and turn to Exodus chapter 20. 15 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,160 Exodus chapter 20, if you need a Bible, 16 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,720 there should be some Bibles under the chairs 17 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:32,560 in front of you. 18 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:36,560 And Exodus 20 is on page 64 in those Bibles. 19 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:38,520 We're studying through the 10 commandments 20 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:42,080 and we're marking kind of a shift today. 21 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,680 The first four commandments that we've already looked at, 22 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,320 they deal with our relationship with God himself, 23 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,360 your relationship with God. 24 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,500 Have no other gods but him. 25 00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,040 Don't worship idols. 26 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,680 Don't take his name in vain. 27 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,560 Make sure that you rest in him 28 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,480 and his finished work for you. 29 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,960 But now, starting in this fifth commandment, 30 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,480 and for the next six, 31 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:05,360 it deals with our relationships with each other, 32 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,480 our relationships to each other. 33 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:10,320 And so that's why when Jesus was asked to summarize the law, 34 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,840 he said, "Love God, love your neighbor." 35 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,320 Right, it kind of summarizes all the 10 commandments. 36 00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:18,140 And so the commandment we're looking at today, the fifth, 37 00:01:18,140 --> 00:01:22,840 it sits at the top of that second list. 38 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,740 So the most important command 39 00:01:24,740 --> 00:01:28,160 when it comes to our relationships with each other 40 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:30,760 is this fifth commandment. 41 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:32,600 If we're gonna love our neighbors well, 42 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:37,000 love each other well, it starts with this. 43 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,300 And so look what it says here in verse 12. 44 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:42,940 Honor your father and your mother 45 00:01:42,940 --> 00:01:45,360 so that you may have a long life in the land 46 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,840 that the Lord your God is giving you. 47 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:51,040 And so let's join together in prayer 48 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,940 and then we'll unpack this verse. 49 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:57,200 And so Father, we pray that you would lead us 50 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:01,440 to see grace and truth and beauty 51 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:06,520 and how this command given from you to us 52 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:09,940 keeps us in the freedom you purchased for us. 53 00:02:09,940 --> 00:02:14,880 God, we pray the words of Psalm 119, 54 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,660 open our eyes that we may behold 55 00:02:17,660 --> 00:02:20,420 wondrous things out of your law. 56 00:02:20,420 --> 00:02:23,480 In Jesus' name, amen. 57 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:25,240 Amen. 58 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,560 So this is a series called Freed 59 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,000 as we're looking at the 10 commandments 60 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,040 because we wanna see how these commandments 61 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:34,000 keep us in God's freedom. 62 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:37,600 God saved his people, he rescued them from slavery in Egypt, 63 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,160 he brought them out into freedom 64 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,240 and then, then he gave them these commands. 65 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,080 God didn't command his people and say, 66 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,600 if you keep the commands, then I'll rescue you. 67 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,480 No, he rescued them and then he said, 68 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,320 if you wanna stay in this freedom, 69 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:53,760 here's how you do it. 70 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,820 And these are the commands. 71 00:02:55,820 --> 00:02:59,680 But for all of us who are adults in the room, 72 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,520 you remember back to when you were a kid, 73 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,760 you were thinking, man, freedom is all about 74 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:07,160 getting away from my parents. 75 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:08,880 Like I need to get away from these people, 76 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,920 I can't wait to be finally free. 77 00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:13,240 That's why we're all so stoked 78 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:15,400 to get our driver's licenses. 79 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,420 You get that driver's license, you get some freedom, 80 00:03:17,420 --> 00:03:19,040 you can be out on your own. 81 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:20,520 And so I remember when I got mine, 82 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:22,080 I sat in the car for the first time 83 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,720 and I was actually overwhelmed by the freedom. 84 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,840 Like I had one of those old, like flip through it, 85 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,960 CD cases and I was just overwhelmed by, 86 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,520 I can choose whatever I want right now. 87 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:33,520 I can choose anything. 88 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,280 And so I had to flip through it like three or four times 89 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:36,680 to figure out what to do. 90 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:37,880 And then finally I landed on it. 91 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,800 So I'm driving along, listening to my Google dolls 92 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:44,160 and then I realized I can go anywhere right now. 93 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:45,360 Like I'm supposed to be going to school, 94 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:46,600 but I could go anywhere. 95 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,840 Like the freedom was crazy overwhelming. 96 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:49,680 So you know what I did? 97 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,000 Went to McDonald's, got some fries. 98 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,840 What says freedom like fries whenever you want them, right? 99 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,840 And so I got my fries, I was eating them 100 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,120 on the way to school, driving with one hand, 101 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:01,800 just super cool in my 1988 Corsica. 102 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,520 And then I ran out of fries, 103 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:05,800 and you know how it is with McDonald's. 104 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,720 Like the best part of eating fries 105 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,640 is the surprise bag fries. 106 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,800 And so I got my containers out of fries, 107 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,420 but I was like, I'm sure there's some in the bag. 108 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,760 Reach over in the bag, four bag fries. 109 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,660 And so I'm reaching over, trying to get them, 110 00:04:17,660 --> 00:04:19,280 got 'em, got all four in my hand, 111 00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:21,480 came to take a bite and turned my head just in time 112 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,160 to have a split second to know 113 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,200 that I was about to rear end someone. 114 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:29,600 And I hit them hard, and it was terrible. 115 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,280 And it was such a bad wreck that I had to go 116 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:33,080 in front of a magistrate and see if I could even 117 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,180 keep my driver's license. 118 00:04:35,180 --> 00:04:37,600 And none of that felt like freedom. 119 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:40,320 It didn't feel like freedom at all, right? 120 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,920 Most of us think freedom is getting away from our parents. 121 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,440 We finally have freedom to be on our own, 122 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,640 not bound by that whole, if you're under my roof, 123 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,820 you do things my way thing. 124 00:04:50,820 --> 00:04:52,620 Because we tend to think that freedom 125 00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:55,060 is getting away from all authority, right? 126 00:04:55,060 --> 00:04:59,640 To be independent and not interdependent. 127 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:03,400 So when our community group or our church 128 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,920 or our marriage or our parents start to make life difficult, 129 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,040 we tend to run toward freedom. 130 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,480 And for us, freedom is independence. 131 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:13,360 Making my own decisions, being on my own, 132 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,780 not being connected to my community. 133 00:05:16,780 --> 00:05:19,680 But when God freed his people from slavery in Egypt, 134 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,560 his plan wasn't for them to live independently. 135 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:26,080 His plan and design for them was to live in community. 136 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:30,960 To actually press further into relationship with others. 137 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,640 God knows that that's how we actually experience 138 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:38,480 true freedom, when we are interdependent with each other. 139 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:39,760 Why is that? 140 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,080 Well, let's look at this command kind of piece by piece. 141 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:45,840 First, God says honor, honor. 142 00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:47,400 What is honor, what does that mean? 143 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:48,900 A lot of times we hear this command and we think 144 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:50,320 that honor just means obey. 145 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:53,000 Honor your parents just means obey them, do what they say. 146 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,340 But the Hebrew word means more than that. 147 00:05:55,340 --> 00:05:58,800 The Hebrew word, it means to weigh heavily on, 148 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:01,980 to give weight to someone. 149 00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:03,560 When this word is used in other places, 150 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:07,000 it's used to mean to show reverence, to be obedient, 151 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,520 or to just care for someone. 152 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,640 Reverence, obedience, care. 153 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,400 You know what a great way to summarize that would be? 154 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,800 To honor someone is to be a blessing to them. 155 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:19,040 To be a blessing to them. 156 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,040 To make the conscious decision that I'm gonna be 157 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,920 a blessing to this person. 158 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,500 In 1 Peter, Peter tells husbands, 159 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:27,440 he tells them honor your wives, 160 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:28,600 and then he goes on to explain that, 161 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:29,820 and he says one way you do that 162 00:06:29,820 --> 00:06:31,700 is by being a blessing to them. 163 00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:35,660 We are freed to be a blessing. 164 00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:39,320 God has given you freedom to be a blessing. 165 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:40,800 To whom? 166 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,400 Well, it says here to our parents. 167 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,680 Says to your mother and your father. 168 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,040 And this seems obvious to us, 169 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:48,340 but this would have actually been pretty shocking 170 00:06:48,340 --> 00:06:50,080 to the original audience. 171 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,680 God gave this command in a time and to a culture 172 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,200 that intensely suppressed women. 173 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,040 And so at this time, it would have only really mattered 174 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,660 what the father said and did, 175 00:06:58,660 --> 00:07:00,920 but God here says honor father and mother. 176 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,080 He puts them on equal levels of parenting. 177 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:07,040 One team, one flesh. 178 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,480 And who's to honor them? 179 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:12,820 Kids, right? 180 00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:14,540 There's no age limit here. 181 00:07:14,540 --> 00:07:17,560 There's no point where the honor stops, 182 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,360 but it may look different at different stages. 183 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:21,380 We'll talk about it more later, 184 00:07:21,380 --> 00:07:23,600 but when you're younger, when you're young, 185 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,780 honor pretty much just looks like obedience, right? 186 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,760 As you get older and become an adult, 187 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:33,020 honor may look like reverence and respect. 188 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,920 And then as your parents age and need some intense care, 189 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,000 physically, honor looks like caring for them, 190 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,880 taking care of them, making sure their needs are met. 191 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,800 But it never stops, right? 192 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,300 And then there's a promise here, 193 00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:48,160 so that you may have long life in the land. 194 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:49,100 Here's what God's saying. 195 00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:51,320 He says, if you honor your parents, 196 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,500 it will go well for you. 197 00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:55,760 This is a promise made to a people, to Israel, 198 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:56,820 to this whole nation. 199 00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:59,660 God's saying, you'll be a healthy nation 200 00:07:59,660 --> 00:08:02,860 if you're a nation who honors your parents. 201 00:08:02,860 --> 00:08:05,400 Why is that? 202 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,240 Well, again, remember where this command comes. 203 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,420 It's the fifth command on top of the list 204 00:08:09,420 --> 00:08:11,060 where all of the other relationships 205 00:08:11,060 --> 00:08:13,600 with each other flow down from it. 206 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:19,120 Our relationships flow downstream from this one. 207 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,660 God wants us to learn to honor, 208 00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:24,500 have reverence for, to be obedient, 209 00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:26,900 and care in our home first, 210 00:08:26,900 --> 00:08:29,000 so that we can show those things well 211 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,180 in the rest of our relationships. 212 00:08:30,180 --> 00:08:32,560 If we learn to honor in our homes first, 213 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:35,780 then we'll be able to honor our employers, our bosses, 214 00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:39,260 our employees, government officials, 215 00:08:39,260 --> 00:08:41,960 teacher-student relationships. 216 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:45,460 We will not be able to handle authority well 217 00:08:45,460 --> 00:08:46,860 in our other relationships 218 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:50,900 if we don't learn how to honor within our family first. 219 00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:51,900 And so God's saying, man, 220 00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:53,540 our nation will be a healthy nation 221 00:08:53,540 --> 00:08:57,240 when its families are healthy and honor is thriving. 222 00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:58,660 Our islands will be healthy. 223 00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:01,140 We will all live in God's freedom 224 00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:03,460 when we are honoring our parents. 225 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:07,660 And it all hinges on this, 226 00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:11,860 the role of the parents, 227 00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:14,300 the role of the parents. 228 00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:19,300 Parents exist to be a temporary stand-in for God 229 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,220 in their child's life. 230 00:09:21,220 --> 00:09:26,660 Parents exist to be a temporary stand-in for God 231 00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:29,660 in their child's life. 232 00:09:29,660 --> 00:09:31,260 Parents are meant to give their kids 233 00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:34,460 the first understanding of who God is, 234 00:09:34,460 --> 00:09:38,020 how God loves, how God feels about sin, 235 00:09:38,020 --> 00:09:41,100 how God provides, accepts, and approves. 236 00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:43,740 There is no relationship that shapes 237 00:09:43,740 --> 00:09:45,940 how we think and feel about God 238 00:09:45,940 --> 00:09:50,020 as powerfully as our relationship with our parents. 239 00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:53,020 There is no relationship that has shaped you 240 00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:55,100 and what you think and feel about God 241 00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:59,020 as powerfully as your relationship with your parents did. 242 00:09:59,020 --> 00:10:06,220 God gave them to you so that you could know him. 243 00:10:07,220 --> 00:10:09,300 Which means we've gotta stop here 244 00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:10,900 and be honest about something. 245 00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:15,300 Your parents have a God-given role in your life 246 00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:18,220 even if they're not good at it. 247 00:10:18,220 --> 00:10:22,380 Your parents have a God-given role in your life 248 00:10:22,380 --> 00:10:25,820 even if they've failed at it. 249 00:10:25,820 --> 00:10:30,900 It's likely that there are stories in this room 250 00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:32,300 of people growing up in homes 251 00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,180 where you experienced neglect, 252 00:10:34,180 --> 00:10:37,100 abuse, cruelty. 253 00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:41,900 Instead of growing up in an atmosphere of love and care 254 00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:44,540 where you could get a beautiful picture of who God is, 255 00:10:44,540 --> 00:10:46,220 because of the brokenness of sin, 256 00:10:46,220 --> 00:10:48,980 you grew up in an atmosphere that made you question 257 00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:51,860 or even hate God. 258 00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:58,060 For some, the idea of honoring your parents seems absurd. 259 00:10:58,060 --> 00:11:00,180 And it's really a hard command to think through. 260 00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:01,820 How do you honor your parents? 261 00:11:01,980 --> 00:11:04,100 And it's really a hard command to think through. 262 00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:08,060 How do you honor someone who wasn't honorable in your life? 263 00:11:08,060 --> 00:11:12,460 And man, I just wanna say that if that's you, 264 00:11:12,460 --> 00:11:14,820 if your parents failed you, if they betrayed you, 265 00:11:14,820 --> 00:11:16,900 their God-given role in your life, 266 00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:19,740 I'm deeply sorry for that. 267 00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:24,780 I'm sorry that that's what you endured. 268 00:11:24,780 --> 00:11:30,940 You need to know that God hates that that happened to you. 269 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,660 God hates that. 270 00:11:32,660 --> 00:11:34,900 All throughout the Bible, we read that God hates 271 00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:36,700 when people in positions of authority 272 00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:39,220 abuse the vulnerable who are under them. 273 00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:40,820 God hates that that happened to you, 274 00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:43,400 and your parents will be held accountable to God. 275 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:47,540 They will either shoulder the weight of that sin, 276 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:51,940 or Jesus will shoulder it for them. 277 00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:57,340 But for you, a sermon like this might open some wounds. 278 00:11:57,340 --> 00:11:59,980 It might be that you're struggling 279 00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:01,620 in other relationships in your life, 280 00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:03,660 your relationship with your boss, your spouse, 281 00:12:03,660 --> 00:12:06,220 your own kids, even your relationship with God 282 00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:08,180 as a result of your relationship 283 00:12:08,180 --> 00:12:10,300 with your parents growing up. 284 00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,060 Because again, all other relationships 285 00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:14,740 flow downstream from this one, 286 00:12:14,740 --> 00:12:17,020 even our relationship with God. 287 00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:20,740 One theologian, A.W. Tozer, said that the most important 288 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,980 thing about each of us is what comes into our minds 289 00:12:22,980 --> 00:12:24,060 when we think about God. 290 00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:26,140 And for many of us, what comes into our minds 291 00:12:26,140 --> 00:12:28,460 when we think about God was most powerfully shaped 292 00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:30,620 by parents that didn't represent him well. 293 00:12:30,620 --> 00:12:37,260 And so listen, it may be that one of the healthiest things 294 00:12:37,260 --> 00:12:40,380 that God is calling you to do is take some steps today 295 00:12:40,380 --> 00:12:42,800 towards seeing those wounds healed. 296 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:48,020 Ultimately, it's my prayer that God bring you to a place 297 00:12:48,020 --> 00:12:51,940 where you can extend true, real forgiveness to your parents, 298 00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:53,880 even if they were terrible to you. 299 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:58,140 Proverbs 19 says, "It is a person's glory 300 00:12:58,140 --> 00:13:00,860 "to overlook an offense." 301 00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:03,180 You experience glory when you come to a place 302 00:13:03,180 --> 00:13:04,820 where you can extend forgiveness, 303 00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:09,820 but that is often a slow journey of many small steps. 304 00:13:09,820 --> 00:13:13,360 And so let me just give you a few steps 305 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,540 that you might be able to take here at our church. 306 00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:19,460 I'd encourage you to join one of our community groups. 307 00:13:19,460 --> 00:13:21,360 Our community groups are just smaller groups 308 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,440 of people in our church that have committed 309 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,660 to joining together, have committed to each other 310 00:13:25,660 --> 00:13:27,820 and to each other's lives, to each other's good 311 00:13:27,820 --> 00:13:28,740 and well-being. 312 00:13:28,740 --> 00:13:30,060 They get together, we have eight of these groups 313 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:30,880 all throughout the island. 314 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,740 They get together, they pray with each other, 315 00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:34,700 for each other, study God's word a little bit, 316 00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:36,380 but they kind of journey together in a way 317 00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:38,140 where you can be known in that group, 318 00:13:38,140 --> 00:13:40,380 you can know others and be known by others. 319 00:13:40,380 --> 00:13:42,620 And it's a place where other people can help carry you 320 00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:46,180 to Jesus in the ways that you need carried to Jesus. 321 00:13:46,180 --> 00:13:48,860 That may be a good place to open up about some of this 322 00:13:48,860 --> 00:13:51,680 and be walked through what some steps 323 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:53,980 toward healing would look like. 324 00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:58,740 I'd encourage you to join our church in covenant membership. 325 00:13:58,740 --> 00:14:01,260 We have membership at our church for several reasons, 326 00:14:01,260 --> 00:14:04,120 but one of the main reasons is so that Mike, Brandon and I 327 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,160 can know who the people are that we're charged 328 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,700 with praying for regularly and praying for specifically. 329 00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:13,300 Each one of our covenant members has a pastor, 330 00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:15,180 one of our pastors assigned to them 331 00:14:15,180 --> 00:14:17,740 who regularly checks in with them to see 332 00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:19,140 how they can be praying with them 333 00:14:19,140 --> 00:14:21,500 and for just ongoing pastoral care. 334 00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:24,580 By becoming a covenant member, you're saying, I want that. 335 00:14:24,580 --> 00:14:27,220 I want that, I want someone praying for me, with me. 336 00:14:27,220 --> 00:14:31,100 I want that ongoing pastoral care. 337 00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:33,440 And man, we'd love to have you join our Harbor family 338 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,240 and see how God uses our church 339 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,000 to bring some healing into your life. 340 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,020 If you're a covenant member, 341 00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:41,720 one of the things that might be helpful too 342 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,760 in this healing journey is our biblical counseling center. 343 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,140 We have a biblical counseling center 344 00:14:46,140 --> 00:14:49,480 where 12, 14 people from our four Harbor churches 345 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,020 went through a training program 346 00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,860 where they got certified as lay biblical counselors. 347 00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,140 And now that they provide a service 348 00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:57,340 to the members of our church 349 00:14:57,340 --> 00:14:59,740 to just do some one-on-one counseling. 350 00:14:59,740 --> 00:15:00,940 And so if you're a member of our church, 351 00:15:00,940 --> 00:15:02,820 we help subsidize the cost of that 352 00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:05,200 and we can pair you up with a biblical counselor 353 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,540 who can meet with you and maybe help you see 354 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:10,580 some of those steps toward healing and help you take them. 355 00:15:10,580 --> 00:15:18,320 Your parents may have hurt you deeply, but listen. 356 00:15:21,340 --> 00:15:24,560 The God that they poorly represented has not. 357 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:29,980 As you journey closer to him, 358 00:15:29,980 --> 00:15:33,200 as you experience more and more of the love and care 359 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,600 that God has for you, you'll experience the God-given power 360 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,520 to extend real forgiveness to them. 361 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:44,300 And when you do that, what would it actually look like then 362 00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:46,540 for us to obey this command? 363 00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:49,620 What does it look like to obey the fifth commandment? 364 00:15:49,620 --> 00:15:51,300 Well, I wanna talk to two groups of people, all right? 365 00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:53,320 I wanna talk to kids and I wanna talk to parents. 366 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,780 So raise your hand if you're a kid in here today. 367 00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:58,900 Should be all of us, right? 368 00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:00,300 Like unless you were dropped off 369 00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:02,220 like by an alien spaceship or something, 370 00:16:02,220 --> 00:16:03,600 like you're a kid, right? 371 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,020 You were born to some parents. 372 00:16:05,020 --> 00:16:07,020 And so we're all kids, this is all of us. 373 00:16:07,020 --> 00:16:12,020 How do we all obey this command to honor our parents? 374 00:16:12,020 --> 00:16:13,660 Well, here's the point, guys. 375 00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:15,380 It seems very simple, but hang with me. 376 00:16:15,380 --> 00:16:18,740 Kids, you are free to honor your parents. 377 00:16:18,740 --> 00:16:22,220 God has set us free to honor our parents. 378 00:16:22,220 --> 00:16:23,480 And so what are some of the ways we do that? 379 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,100 Well, first, through obedience. 380 00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:27,100 That's how that word is used all throughout the Bible. 381 00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:28,180 And so let me make this clear. 382 00:16:28,180 --> 00:16:30,460 If you're an elementary, middle, or high school student, 383 00:16:30,460 --> 00:16:33,220 God wants you to obey your parents, all right? 384 00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:35,260 If you're in here today and that's where you're at in life, 385 00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:37,340 God wants you to obey them, all right? 386 00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:38,840 Jesus obeyed his parents. 387 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:39,680 And you know what? 388 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,280 His parents weren't great sometimes. 389 00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:46,260 They once lost him and left that place without him, 390 00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:48,280 maybe for a day or two, all right? 391 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,700 They left him at the temple or at the synagogue. 392 00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:55,700 And he was just left alone at like 11, 12 years old. 393 00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:58,500 Have you ever lost your kid? 394 00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:01,740 We lost our kid once for like 30 seconds in Walmart. 395 00:17:01,740 --> 00:17:03,600 It was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me 396 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:06,580 in my life until I saw a cane spider. 397 00:17:06,580 --> 00:17:09,060 But terrifying, right? 398 00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:10,940 And so they get back, they find Jesus, 399 00:17:10,940 --> 00:17:12,380 and they're like, "Oh, there you are. 400 00:17:12,380 --> 00:17:14,140 "Okay, come with us now." 401 00:17:14,140 --> 00:17:14,980 You know? 402 00:17:14,980 --> 00:17:18,180 Like they just made this horrible parenting mistake 403 00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:19,680 and now they're like, "But come with us now. 404 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,500 "We'll do better." 405 00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,340 And Jesus said, "Yeah, okay." 406 00:17:23,340 --> 00:17:24,780 And you know what it says in Luke 2, 51? 407 00:17:24,780 --> 00:17:27,140 It says Jesus went with them and he obeyed them. 408 00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:30,500 Jesus obeyed his parents. 409 00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:32,020 If you're a kid in here today and you're wondering 410 00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:33,460 the questions that kids start to wonder, 411 00:17:33,460 --> 00:17:34,340 especially as you get older, 412 00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:35,300 if you're in middle school or high school, 413 00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:36,660 you start to wonder the questions, 414 00:17:36,660 --> 00:17:37,900 "What does God want for my life? 415 00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:40,060 "What's God's will for my life? 416 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:41,100 "Where does he want me to go to school? 417 00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:42,100 "What does he want me to do for a job? 418 00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:43,180 "Who does he want me to marry?" 419 00:17:43,180 --> 00:17:44,540 Here, I can guarantee you this right now. 420 00:17:44,540 --> 00:17:45,860 God's will for your life right now 421 00:17:45,860 --> 00:17:47,360 is that you obey your parents. 422 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,820 You are not in slavery. 423 00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:52,880 You are right where God wants you to be. 424 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:57,360 The second way we honor our parents as we get older, 425 00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,200 most of us in this room are adults, 426 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,140 the way we honor our parents as adults, 427 00:18:01,140 --> 00:18:05,980 it shifts from obeying them to revering or respecting them. 428 00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:08,620 To look to them for wisdom and direction, 429 00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:11,160 to still hear them out respectfully 430 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:12,840 even when we disagree with them, 431 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,600 and we will disagree, right? 432 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:16,480 And so what does that look like? 433 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,800 To look to them for counsel, 434 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,800 to look to them for insight, 435 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,920 to listen and say, "Okay, I hear you," 436 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,120 and to be respectful, 437 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,620 but even how we disagree with them, 438 00:18:26,620 --> 00:18:29,040 how we move forward in disagreement 439 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,680 shows if we're honoring them or not. 440 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,320 As your parents get older, 441 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,160 honoring them looks like making sure they're taken care of. 442 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,140 In Jesus's last hours, 443 00:18:39,140 --> 00:18:42,520 as he was busy saving the world on the cross, 444 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:45,900 he was concerned of taking care of his mom. 445 00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:49,640 He looked at his mother from the cross and he said, 446 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,900 "Mom, look at your new son." 447 00:18:51,900 --> 00:18:53,680 He pointed her to John, 448 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:57,300 and then Jesus told John, "Look at your new mother." 449 00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:58,180 Here's what Jesus was saying, 450 00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:00,140 he's saying, "I'm about to die. 451 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,460 "My mother's getting old. 452 00:19:01,460 --> 00:19:03,460 "I wanna make sure she's taken care of." 453 00:19:03,460 --> 00:19:07,300 That's what honor looks like as our parents age. 454 00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,280 We've gotta make sure that our parents are cared for, 455 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:10,300 so how do we do that? 456 00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:12,480 We start planning for it now. 457 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,140 What's it gonna look like 458 00:19:14,140 --> 00:19:15,900 to make sure your parents are cared for 459 00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:17,860 as they start needing more and more care? 460 00:19:17,860 --> 00:19:19,440 That's how you honor them. 461 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:23,600 Obedience, reverence, care. 462 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,580 This is what honor looks like from kids to parents. 463 00:19:26,580 --> 00:19:28,680 And so how exactly do we do it all? 464 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,100 What are all the implications? 465 00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:31,500 What are the specifics of it? 466 00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:34,260 Well, let me encourage you with this important step today. 467 00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,940 We gotta trust the Holy Spirit in this. 468 00:19:36,940 --> 00:19:39,440 We gotta trust the Holy Spirit in this, God's guidance. 469 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,760 The way you obey, revere, and care for your parents 470 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,880 may look different from how others do it. 471 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:50,060 Some people may have to set boundaries 472 00:19:50,060 --> 00:19:52,020 in that relationship that others don't. 473 00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:56,400 Some people might have to consider cultural realities 474 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,300 that others don't. 475 00:19:57,300 --> 00:20:00,600 Some might have to figure out how to obey and respect 476 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,840 when the desire isn't there while others don't. 477 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:07,640 I would encourage you this, you can pray. 478 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,260 You can ask God for guidance. 479 00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:12,620 You can trust his leading. 480 00:20:12,620 --> 00:20:16,440 That there is a spirit-led way for you to honor your parents 481 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:20,240 that is beautiful and is in with keeping this command. 482 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:23,760 Because ultimately, the best way 483 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,040 that we can honor our parents, 484 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:28,700 the absolute best way we can all honor our parents 485 00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:30,940 is to honor God. 486 00:20:30,940 --> 00:20:33,240 'Cause remember this, guys, 487 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:37,580 your parents are in your life as stand-ins for God 488 00:20:37,580 --> 00:20:39,820 to point you to him. 489 00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:42,660 Because the ultimate goal of this command 490 00:20:42,660 --> 00:20:47,660 is that kids learn how to honor God through their parents. 491 00:20:47,660 --> 00:20:51,260 And so the absolute best way for you as a kid 492 00:20:51,260 --> 00:20:54,480 to honor your parents is to honor God. 493 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:58,860 Even if your parents weren't Christians. 494 00:20:58,860 --> 00:21:03,640 Even if your parents failed to show you who God really is. 495 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,380 The best way you can honor them 496 00:21:05,420 --> 00:21:09,920 is to wholeheartedly honor the God who gave them that role. 497 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,900 They're filling in for God. 498 00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:13,940 They are not God. 499 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,420 And so if they ever ask you to do something that God forbids, 500 00:21:16,420 --> 00:21:17,940 the best way that you can honor them 501 00:21:17,940 --> 00:21:20,480 is to obey God rather than them. 502 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,300 I heard it explained this way this week 503 00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:24,880 and it kinda helped me think through it. 504 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,700 So I'll just share the scenario with you. 505 00:21:26,700 --> 00:21:29,980 Let's say that my son this week, I told my son Asher, 506 00:21:29,980 --> 00:21:31,460 I told him like, "Hey man, you can go over 507 00:21:31,460 --> 00:21:33,100 "to your friend Kaimana's house. 508 00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:35,240 "You can go over there and as you go over there, 509 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,020 "when you go over to Kaimana's house, 510 00:21:37,020 --> 00:21:39,500 "you obey Uncle Keoni, all right? 511 00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:41,160 "You treat Uncle Keoni like dada. 512 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,220 "You obey him while you're over there at that house." 513 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:46,340 All right, so Asher goes, "Yes sir, I got it." 514 00:21:46,340 --> 00:21:48,220 He's never said that before, but let's just assume. 515 00:21:48,220 --> 00:21:50,540 This is my hypothetical, all right? 516 00:21:50,540 --> 00:21:51,860 "Yes sir, I got it, sir." 517 00:21:51,860 --> 00:21:54,420 And so he goes over there and as he's over there, 518 00:21:54,420 --> 00:21:55,820 I call a couple hours later and I say, 519 00:21:55,820 --> 00:21:58,620 "Hey Asher, man, it's time to come home." 520 00:21:58,620 --> 00:21:59,800 And so then he goes to Uncle Keoni, he says, 521 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,300 "Uncle Keoni, my daddy called me. 522 00:22:01,300 --> 00:22:02,260 "It's time to go home." 523 00:22:02,260 --> 00:22:04,200 And let's say that Uncle Keoni looked at him and said, 524 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,040 "Uh, no, no, you need to stay." 525 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:15,460 Now, I would hope that my son attempted 526 00:22:15,460 --> 00:22:20,140 some form of tone of respect in his reply, 527 00:22:20,140 --> 00:22:21,940 but I also hope his reply was something like, 528 00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:24,040 "Ah, forget you, man, I gotta obey my dad. 529 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:28,580 "'Cause you're just a stand-in for my dad right now. 530 00:22:28,580 --> 00:22:29,420 "You're not my dad. 531 00:22:29,420 --> 00:22:32,780 "You're not the one who I'm ultimately supposed to honor." 532 00:22:33,780 --> 00:22:35,820 That's why Jesus said this in Luke 14. 533 00:22:35,820 --> 00:22:37,320 "Now great crowds are traveling with Jesus 534 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:38,140 "and he turned to them and said, 535 00:22:38,140 --> 00:22:40,220 "'If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father 536 00:22:40,220 --> 00:22:42,620 "'and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, 537 00:22:42,620 --> 00:22:45,820 "'yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.'" 538 00:22:45,820 --> 00:22:47,340 And we've kind of struggled with what this means 539 00:22:47,340 --> 00:22:50,020 because this isn't consistent with what Jesus says elsewhere. 540 00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:51,820 Jesus doesn't teach us to hate. 541 00:22:51,820 --> 00:22:53,300 Jesus teaches us to care for these people. 542 00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:54,140 So what's he doing here? 543 00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:55,180 What's he saying? 544 00:22:55,180 --> 00:22:57,700 Jesus is saying that our commitment to honoring 545 00:22:57,700 --> 00:23:00,740 and obeying God should be so real 546 00:23:00,740 --> 00:23:03,580 and saying God should be so radical, 547 00:23:03,580 --> 00:23:06,020 so complete, so unwavering, 548 00:23:06,020 --> 00:23:09,980 that in comparison, it looks like we hate everyone else. 549 00:23:09,980 --> 00:23:14,900 Like it looks like Asher is hating Uncle Keone, 550 00:23:14,900 --> 00:23:16,720 but he's not. 551 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,000 He just really wants to honor his dad. 552 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:26,220 "If my kids love me more than they love God, 553 00:23:26,220 --> 00:23:29,220 "then I have failed them as God's stand-in." 554 00:23:30,220 --> 00:23:34,820 "I want them to love God with such a white-hot intensity 555 00:23:34,820 --> 00:23:38,580 "that their love for me looks small in comparison." 556 00:23:38,580 --> 00:23:42,060 Which is why I say this, 557 00:23:42,060 --> 00:23:44,980 you are free to honor your parents. 558 00:23:44,980 --> 00:23:48,680 Kids, all of us here, you are free to honor them, 559 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:50,960 not enslaved to them. 560 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:56,620 If you love your parents more than you love God, 561 00:23:56,620 --> 00:23:59,120 then you've turned them into idols in your life. 562 00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:02,600 If you're looking to get from them, from your parents, 563 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,400 what you can only get from God, 564 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,320 then they're actually idols that you are enslaved to, 565 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,780 idols that will fail you. 566 00:24:09,780 --> 00:24:15,800 And so if they've become idols in your life, 567 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,040 then that means when you didn't get, 568 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,760 when they failed you and you didn't get the love 569 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:19,640 you so craved for, 570 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,040 then you probably turned to others to get it. 571 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,200 Boyfriend after boyfriend, girlfriend after girlfriend, 572 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:25,560 trying to fill that hole. 573 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:26,940 When you didn't get the acceptance 574 00:24:26,940 --> 00:24:27,880 that you craved from them, 575 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,500 you probably turned into a workaholic 576 00:24:29,500 --> 00:24:32,040 trying to prove yourself so that you got validation. 577 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:35,360 What I'm saying is this, 578 00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:38,080 you're freed from viewing them as idols. 579 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,000 They are not God, they're just a stand-in for God. 580 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,480 When you recognize that your parents 581 00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:44,760 are stand-ins for God, not God himself, 582 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,400 it can free you to forgive them 583 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:47,760 in the ways they fall short, 584 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:49,480 and it frees you to look to God 585 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:50,880 for the love that you crave, 586 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,440 the acceptance you long for, 587 00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:56,040 for the faithfulness and relationship that's unwavering. 588 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:58,880 Because in the God our parents represent, 589 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,240 we find all that we're looking for. 590 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:03,120 First John 3, one says this, 591 00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:05,980 "See what great love the Father has given us, 592 00:25:05,980 --> 00:25:08,920 "that we should be called God's children, and we are." 593 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,780 You have all the love, acceptance, faithfulness, nearness 594 00:25:12,780 --> 00:25:17,120 that you are looking for offered to you right now, 595 00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:18,920 all from God himself. 596 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:21,840 When we give our lives to God, 597 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,360 when we honor him, 598 00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:28,200 we are honoring our parents who are his stand-ins. 599 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,760 The best way you can honor your parents 600 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,660 and fulfill this command is to honor the God they represent. 601 00:25:34,660 --> 00:25:41,120 And so now parents, not all of us are parents, 602 00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:42,280 but if this is your church 603 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:43,560 and you're a part of our community, 604 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,440 you're all aunties and uncles to the kids in our church, 605 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,320 and so we're all representing God in some ways 606 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:49,440 to the kids that we're around. 607 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:51,160 And so parents, adults, 608 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:57,240 we are free to represent God to our kids. 609 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:01,740 We are not enslaved to control their behavior. 610 00:26:01,740 --> 00:26:07,020 We are free to represent God to our kids. 611 00:26:07,020 --> 00:26:10,640 We are not enslaved to control their behavior. 612 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,920 You are not God. 613 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,500 You're his stand-in, 614 00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:18,280 which means that you've been freed 615 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,960 to act in the ways that he acts, 616 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:24,960 to teach your kids what God is like. 617 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,520 And so that means this, 618 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,480 we cannot, as parents, 619 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,640 we cannot make light of sin. 620 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:37,360 Our God does not make light of sin in our life. 621 00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:39,120 He doesn't sweep it under the rug. 622 00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:43,760 He doesn't let our sin go unpunished. 623 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,480 There are consequences fall out to our sin against God, 624 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:51,040 and we as parents don't represent God well to our kids 625 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,100 when we choose to not discipline them when they sin. 626 00:26:54,100 --> 00:26:59,840 But it also means this, 627 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,800 we're freed to show grace and mercy 628 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,300 in the midst of their sin. 629 00:27:04,300 --> 00:27:08,240 God isn't merely a God of wrath and anger at sin. 630 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,200 He's a God who meets us in our sin 631 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,280 and gives us his grace and mercy. 632 00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,080 He's still loving and tender 633 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,840 to the point that he lays down his own life in our place 634 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,040 to show us how much he loves us. 635 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,200 And so when we, as parents or aunties or uncles, 636 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,560 when we as parents get angry at our kids 637 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,120 because of their sin, 638 00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:29,720 because it inconveniences us, 639 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:33,360 or because it annoys us, 640 00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:36,980 or because it embarrasses us in public, 641 00:27:36,980 --> 00:27:40,120 that is ungodly anger. 642 00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:46,380 Our kids' sin is not against us. 643 00:27:47,220 --> 00:27:48,620 We are just stand-ins. 644 00:27:48,620 --> 00:27:51,140 When they sin against us, 645 00:27:51,140 --> 00:27:54,780 they are learning to sin against the God we represent, 646 00:27:54,780 --> 00:27:56,600 the God behind us. 647 00:27:56,600 --> 00:28:00,820 And so their sin should break our hearts. 648 00:28:00,820 --> 00:28:03,220 Their sin should produce in us a godly, 649 00:28:03,220 --> 00:28:06,380 righteous, loving anger that's devastated 650 00:28:06,380 --> 00:28:09,380 because they're actually sinning against God. 651 00:28:09,380 --> 00:28:10,880 And so our temptation is to do this. 652 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:11,820 Our temptation is to say, 653 00:28:11,820 --> 00:28:13,480 okay, so I gotta choose, 654 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,620 I gotta either show discipline and consequences, 655 00:28:15,620 --> 00:28:16,900 or I've gotta show grace, 656 00:28:16,900 --> 00:28:18,700 and it's like we treat it like a pendulum. 657 00:28:18,700 --> 00:28:21,680 Like sometimes I go all in with the consequences, 658 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:22,860 and sometimes with grace, 659 00:28:22,860 --> 00:28:24,740 sometimes I'm kinda half here, half here, 660 00:28:24,740 --> 00:28:27,660 but we think we gotta learn how to balance it. 661 00:28:27,660 --> 00:28:29,360 How do I show some grace, 662 00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:31,400 but how do I also make sure there's some consequences? 663 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:32,500 And so we balance it. 664 00:28:32,500 --> 00:28:34,300 We let the pendulum fall in the middle. 665 00:28:34,300 --> 00:28:36,000 You know what happens when you balance something? 666 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:37,140 You're compromising. 667 00:28:37,140 --> 00:28:39,500 You're taking away from both. 668 00:28:39,500 --> 00:28:41,460 You're weakening the consequences of sin, 669 00:28:41,460 --> 00:28:44,920 and you're weakening the expression of grace and mercy. 670 00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:46,820 We don't balance in our parenting. 671 00:28:46,820 --> 00:28:49,380 We go all in with both. 672 00:28:49,380 --> 00:28:52,780 We go all in with both. 673 00:28:52,780 --> 00:28:56,540 We don't dominate our kids 674 00:28:56,540 --> 00:28:59,260 through angry discipline and shame. 675 00:28:59,260 --> 00:29:00,900 We also don't ignore their sin 676 00:29:00,900 --> 00:29:02,920 and never enact consequences. 677 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,940 We patiently parent our kids 678 00:29:05,940 --> 00:29:08,280 through feeling the weight of their sin, 679 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:10,580 and we lovingly parent them 680 00:29:10,580 --> 00:29:13,220 to feel the unmatched joy of mercy and grace. 681 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:15,760 And so how do we do this? 682 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,280 How do we actually do it well as parents? 683 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:22,800 Man, I don't know. 684 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,120 (audience laughing) 685 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:26,220 Like that's the hardest thing in the world. 686 00:29:26,220 --> 00:29:28,520 I have no idea. 687 00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:29,720 At 11 o'clock last night, 688 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:31,000 I was trying to finalize this point. 689 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,000 I called my wife into the room, 690 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:33,880 like, "Hey, baby, how do we do this? 691 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:34,720 "Do we do this? 692 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:35,540 "How do we do this?" 693 00:29:35,540 --> 00:29:36,380 She's like, "We don't do this." 694 00:29:36,380 --> 00:29:37,220 And I'm like, "Well, we gotta, 695 00:29:37,220 --> 00:29:38,520 "I mean, we kinda got to, right? 696 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:39,680 "Like maybe we didn't get it right 697 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:41,080 "with our parents, but we got to." 698 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:41,920 And she's like, "Yeah, we got to." 699 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:43,000 And I'm like, "Maybe we didn't get it right 700 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:44,880 "with our first, and maybe we kinda got it right, 701 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:46,300 "but we got it right with Bella, right?" 702 00:29:46,300 --> 00:29:47,340 She's like, "No, no, no, no, no. 703 00:29:47,340 --> 00:29:48,920 "We didn't get this right with Bella either. 704 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:50,580 "We don't do this." 705 00:29:50,580 --> 00:29:52,180 And I'm like, "Oh no!" 706 00:29:52,180 --> 00:29:53,340 So what do we do? 707 00:29:53,340 --> 00:29:55,240 This is the hardest thing. 708 00:29:55,240 --> 00:30:00,700 As we stumble forward in our parenting, 709 00:30:00,700 --> 00:30:03,900 trying to be honorable and point our kids to Jesus, 710 00:30:03,900 --> 00:30:05,140 how do we do it? 711 00:30:05,140 --> 00:30:07,260 Man, all I can tell you is this, 712 00:30:07,260 --> 00:30:08,500 we need to grow together. 713 00:30:08,500 --> 00:30:11,880 We need to confess that none of us do this perfectly. 714 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:13,220 None of us have figured it out. 715 00:30:13,220 --> 00:30:16,220 None of us have the right system and method. 716 00:30:16,220 --> 00:30:19,240 And so we grow together, we stumble forward together. 717 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,300 And if you wanna grow, March 29th, 718 00:30:22,300 --> 00:30:24,880 we've got a gospel parenting seminar. 719 00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:27,100 All right, Brandon and Lindsay Cole are gonna lead this, 720 00:30:27,100 --> 00:30:28,800 and they've come as close as humanly possible 721 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:30,140 to figuring it out, all right? 722 00:30:30,140 --> 00:30:32,260 They're this close, and so if you wanna grow, 723 00:30:32,260 --> 00:30:35,820 no, they've figured it out because they've seen 724 00:30:35,820 --> 00:30:38,560 a lot of their own failure and a lot of God's grace. 725 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:40,760 But man, they're just gonna lead us 726 00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,620 through growing together, through all of us 727 00:30:43,620 --> 00:30:44,820 just trying to take some steps, 728 00:30:44,820 --> 00:30:46,700 and how do we go all in in these ways? 729 00:30:46,700 --> 00:30:48,540 How do we go all in in making sure our kids 730 00:30:48,540 --> 00:30:51,000 feel the weight of their sin, 731 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:55,440 but also feel the unmatched joy of grace and mercy? 732 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:57,620 So this is a free event that we're doing here at our church. 733 00:30:57,620 --> 00:30:59,500 Lunch is provided, childcare is provided, 734 00:30:59,500 --> 00:31:03,300 so please come 'cause we wanna grow together in this. 735 00:31:03,300 --> 00:31:06,700 We need to grow in how we do it, 736 00:31:06,700 --> 00:31:08,300 and then we need to let them go. 737 00:31:10,540 --> 00:31:13,700 As parents, we're stand-ins. 738 00:31:13,700 --> 00:31:18,860 We're training them to go out and honor God. 739 00:31:18,860 --> 00:31:22,600 God loves your kids infinitely more than you do. 740 00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:25,220 Isn't that great news? 741 00:31:25,220 --> 00:31:26,460 Like, you love your kids a lot, 742 00:31:26,460 --> 00:31:29,360 but God loves them infinitely more than you do. 743 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:33,620 He's given them to you for a short time, but they are his, 744 00:31:33,620 --> 00:31:36,340 and we need to be ready to release them, 745 00:31:36,340 --> 00:31:38,520 not continue to control them. 746 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,480 And so listen, we're having a baby dedication 747 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:43,400 here on March 2nd. 748 00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:44,640 We haven't done one in a while, 749 00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:46,640 but we have got several families who just had some babies 750 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,400 who would love to just do this baby dedication, 751 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:49,460 but I would encourage you with this. 752 00:31:49,460 --> 00:31:51,200 Your kid could be 17 years old, 753 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:53,280 and if you've never dedicated yourself 754 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:54,520 and let your church know that, like, 755 00:31:54,520 --> 00:31:56,280 man, I'm committed to gospel parenting 756 00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:58,200 and going all in on both these things, 757 00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:59,680 bring your 17-year-old up here. 758 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:03,880 Be like, yeah, I'm dedicated to doing this. 759 00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:05,440 And so during all three services, 760 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,120 we're just gonna have a child dedication 761 00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:08,560 and dedicate ourselves as parents to, 762 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:10,680 man, we wanna do this God's way, 763 00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,800 and we wanna fight to live beautifully 764 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:15,920 as parents and as kids. 765 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:24,520 There was an atmosphere of loving parenting 766 00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:25,980 that was perfectly beautiful. 767 00:32:25,980 --> 00:32:29,780 It existed back in the beginning in a garden called Eden. 768 00:32:29,780 --> 00:32:34,440 God created the first people and he parented them. 769 00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:37,880 They honored him, and in that garden, 770 00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:40,240 God created an atmosphere of blessing. 771 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,520 He blessed his kids with everything, 772 00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:44,320 everything in creation. 773 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:45,640 There was blessing first. 774 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,720 He blessed them and gave them everything 775 00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:49,840 before he commanded them and set a boundary, 776 00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:51,140 but he did set a boundary. 777 00:32:51,140 --> 00:32:53,840 There was a boundary for these kids. 778 00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:55,740 He said, "Don't eat of this one tree." 779 00:32:55,740 --> 00:33:00,120 And the kids honored him and obeyed him and revered him, 780 00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:04,680 but eventually they did rebel against him. 781 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:08,860 And there were consequences. 782 00:33:08,860 --> 00:33:10,300 That rebellion led to consequences. 783 00:33:10,300 --> 00:33:12,760 Adam and Eve felt the weight of their sin 784 00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:15,440 against the holy God, and they lived in the fallout of that 785 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,740 the rest of their lives. 786 00:33:17,740 --> 00:33:25,360 But there was grace and mercy right there. 787 00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:29,320 As his kids hid in shame, God the Father pursued them. 788 00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:32,600 He found them, he talked with them. 789 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:34,860 Their father clothed their nakedness, 790 00:33:34,860 --> 00:33:37,040 their shame with animal skins. 791 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,180 Their father told them that even though now 792 00:33:39,180 --> 00:33:40,680 there would be consequences, 793 00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:42,660 that he would make it right one day, 794 00:33:42,660 --> 00:33:44,360 that one day someone would come 795 00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,280 who would bring us back to the garden, 796 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,680 back to that loving, nurturing atmosphere 797 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,400 where we could thrive, and God gave them a picture 798 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:52,880 of how he was gonna do it. 799 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:56,280 It was through those animal skins. 800 00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,760 You see, a death had to happen. 801 00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:03,440 Blood had to be shed to cover the shame of that sin. 802 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:07,080 And when the offspring of Eve came, 803 00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:10,140 God himself born to another woman named Mary, 804 00:34:10,140 --> 00:34:13,780 Jesus himself, God himself, went to death for us, 805 00:34:13,780 --> 00:34:18,780 shed his blood for us to cover the shame of our sin. 806 00:34:18,780 --> 00:34:25,060 Where Adam and Eve failed as kids, Jesus succeeded. 807 00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:30,400 Jesus honored his biological mother, Mary, 808 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,600 his entire life up to his last breath. 809 00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,000 Jesus honored his adoptive father, Joseph, 810 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,840 all of his life, even as he worked for him. 811 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:40,840 Jesus honored his heavenly father 812 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:43,140 who they were stand-ins for. 813 00:34:43,140 --> 00:34:50,320 We may fail time and time again to honor our own parents. 814 00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:55,100 We may fail time and time again to be honorable parents. 815 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:58,000 Jesus never failed. 816 00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,240 Jesus freed us. 817 00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:03,760 He freed us from our own failures. 818 00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,240 He freed us to live more beautifully 819 00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:08,040 than we could ever imagine. 820 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:12,240 And so may we be a church, a people who trust in him, 821 00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:17,240 rest in him, lean on him as we look to live in the freedom 822 00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:22,520 he purchased for us as kids and as parents. 823 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:23,680 Let's pray together. 824 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,000 (whistling)