Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Wedding Lounge podcast.
This is part two of our questions from you guys, and we had so many lovely questions in,
we couldn't fit them all into one of our episodes, so we've chose to split it into two parts.
And again, much like last time, we haven't really prepped for this in a while,
so we're just going off the seat of our - what is the frame by the seat of our panel?
Yep, that's it. Let's get straight to it. This is someone who is getting married,
their four-month before their wedding. What should they be prioritising right now?
This is kind of almost in the little lower period. Yeah, I think it should be - that should be the time
that you're either sending out your invitations or you're starting to get your RSVPs in,
so that is the time when you can start thinking about the table planning and getting all your
guests lists together, and that should be the focus, the dietary requirements, things like that.
Interestingly, I hadn't appreciated how much importance some of my clients placed on
the dietary options for their wedding, rather than just choosing a single main - obviously,
there's a place out there where you can choose - your guests can choose multiple options and they
pick which one they want to meet, but if you are choosing a meal, which I personally think is
better, but that's a personal preference, a lot of my clients keep going, well, what are the
dietaries going to meet? What's the vegetarian option? I'm just like, I don't know, should we let the
caterers come up with something when we know the dietary requirements? People seem to want to know
further in advance than that. Yeah, so this is the sort of time where you will be possibly like
checking about that. And the other thing I think you can start thinking about this point is
pulling everything together, starting to get your timings start, you know, you can start having
the discussions about what time your fair make-up needs is going to happen. Things you can start
pulling that information together, but you're right, it is that. You can't reach everyone, because
obviously when you first get engaged, you need to focus on booking venue, caterers,
trocfer, entertainment, florists. And then you think there's like a gap where they don't need to
be in contact with you daily. The other thing you could be doing is personal things for yourselves.
Yeah, I feel by that point, if you are someone who is quite conscious of their physical
appearance, that is the point where you want to hit a certain body shape and stay.
You don't want to be losing any more weight leading up to the wedding, you don't want to be gaining
any more weight leading up to the wedding or getting more muscular or losing more muscle.
Anything like that, you don't want to be changing between then and the wedding day. So after that,
it's focusing about maintenance. Things like if you're trying to get your skin in better condition.
Yes, yeah. Figuring out your skin care, because you have enough time between then and the wedding
to let everything lead in. You might be having your hair in makeup trials, because I think,
I know some brides have them really far in advance, but a lot of people that I work with
is sort of back in touch about six months before to then put you in. But interestingly as well,
hair, hair stylist, especially, length of hair is quite an important one. So yeah, going for a big
chop before your wedding day is not a helpful thing to do. That's kind of the point that that's the
point where you want to then maintain how you are, unless anything drastic happens. Obviously,
go for a bit, but that's what I've said. That is the time to focus on you and preparing yourself
mentally and physically for your wedding. And because then in the last sort of three months,
it's finalising all the small details of everyone going back to those supplies that you've booked.
Yeah, and making sure the finalising the timings and the details and then your hotswap.
Interestingly, the same person has also asked what does a well planned wedding day feel like behind
the scenes? I personally think this varies so much. Like a swan? Yeah. No, I would say behind the scenes,
a well planned wedding day behind the scenes still feel non-stop. It feels non-stop, but it feels
like organised chaos. Yes. Do you see what I mean? There is so much going on, but everything has a
purpose and is well planned and is executed as it should be, but there's just a lot of moving parts
and a lot of cogs are turning all at the same time. And it goes to peaks and troughs, I don't know
if you'll find that. There's definitely a few times, isn't it? I like getting things ready for
ceremony. And then once people are back and enjoying the drinks reception, it's kind of finalising
the wedding breakfast place. Yeah. Most of that's done beforehand. And it really also, I feel like,
what does it feel like behind the scenes? It depends on so many things, if it's just an
event you, if your ceremony location is like right to your marquee or wedding breakfast location.
There's lots of different things that come into play and I just feel that actually sometimes
behind the scenes, as you say, it's like swan, isn't it? Yeah. There's lots going on and it's not
if it's the front lip. Graceful. Yeah, it's graceful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But as long as the outside
and the guests are having a great time, that guests experience is there. Then what goes on behind
the scenes and the speed at which everything is moving there doesn't, as long as that does not show to
the front. Yes, that's a huge part of it as well. It depends on team you've got and the happiness
and contentness within that team. That makes sense. And whether you've got, whether as a planner,
yeah, whether this is a wedding with a planner or a coordinator or a wedding with a risen one,
that would also affect how it is bouncing. Yeah, I mean, it's really interesting. So I went on a
learning day a while ago with Susie, who we had on the show a little while ago. And she brings along
the coffee machine. Max treats for all the suppliers. I definitely always bring foods for people.
Because that creates that happy content team. And actually, if you don't have someone there who
can do that, it's worth doing the like snack packs or something that you can give to your venue
or whoever's in charge on the morning and just say, look, can you just leave this there for all the
supplies to have? Because that will be so much more appreciated. And I think that just the work
ethic changes when people feel appreciated. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The main thing is how the
wedding day feels. Yeah, in front of the theme. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Not how it is going on.
I mean, sometimes you've got your head down the back of a blooming loo. I've had my head up
someone's dressed really out and back in literally. So yeah, it really varies on different factors,
but it's mainly about what's out the front. Yep. That leads quite nicely into this question,
where someone has written in asking us, how involved as planners are we in the leader versus to
actually on the wedding day itself? Oh, it depends on what service you've offered, isn't it really?
So go off a full plan. I feel like, well, you're in it for a year, at least. Yeah, the communication
is 90% of the time fairly regularly speaks them once, twice, maybe three times a month. Yeah,
at least that whole time. Like if you're talking about how involved it is with the client. Yeah,
that's what I would say. And then obviously you've got so much more going on around. Yeah.
So as a full time wedding planner takes on eight to ten full plans a year. Yeah. So that should give
you an idea of how much time is spent speaking of the fly out. Yeah. On the wedding day, well,
for Mark, he's it's very different because you're there for sort of the week before you're there
every single day, whilst things are happening and then the day after clearing down. But a wedding day
itself, I am, personally, first supplier in last supplier out. That to me is the most important thing
is I'm there to greet everyone and I'm there to make sure everything goes away perfectly. Yeah,
all by you. For full plans, yes, but on the day, they have set number of hours and then they can
increase it. Sometimes they just want you there to laugh at the first dance. And it is really
hard to leave it and go. But obviously I make sure that all suppliers know I'm going. Everyone knows
what they're doing. Like if the caterers is yet to like contact the evening food, you know,
just make sure everything's in place and everyone's happy before you go. But you do prefer it with
a full plan where you are there. You can even see, but I think like what's on the day like how
well involved are you? I had a wedding last summer where I had to be in Cognito. Oh, do you remember
that? Yeah, where the week off they said that they didn't want sort of the groom's mother to
necessarily sort of be aware that they'd hired a wedding planner. So it was very hard for me. I had
to kind of do what I needed to do, but also try and stick a bit. So things like I didn't wait
outside the front of the church for the bride. I sat inside to make sure I wasn't, you know,
I kind of poked my head around so she was kind of made sure she was okay, but for the organ
even sort of sort of playing her in, I just missed the vicar to it because I was trying to keep out
the way of it. It does depend on like client preference as well. Some people may request that
you're a bit more in the background and others are more than happy for you to interact with guests.
Yeah, I always feel like you should be fairly fly on the wall. Yes, available to those or when
they need you, like you're constantly there. Yeah, but not necessarily. Yeah, not sat back in the
back of the marquee. Yeah, having a snack, you're really good. I don't think that ever happened.
No, I always take rubbishy food. That's because my mouth and just like a walk ground,
you know, like eating cookie. By the time I'm back out the front, it's like your next question is,
how do you keep couples calm when plans change or things don't go exactly to schedule?
Me personally, I make people wear beforehand during the planning that things may not go exactly
as we have planned, you know, a speech move around or you know, it's raining so the confetti shot
can't quite happen outside the church, but I think as a planner, it's making sure that your couples
feel confident knowing that if anything does arise, you will be dealing with it. I've had so many
people say that they didn't even know things had gone wrong because they've dealt with beforehand.
So I think actually, you know, having a planner or coordinator who can deal with these things
before they become a couple isn't even not calm because the couple, there's no calm in the couple
of things. Yeah, you've sorted the situation. Yeah, unless it's something that directly involves them,
like my bride last summer, when she arrived for the ceremony, she stood on a load of plums.
I was falling off the tree and so the bottom of her dress was like I had all these red blobs all over it.
She walked into the ceremony, it's only went fine and she noticed it afterwards, but in your wedding
pack, yeah, you've got something to deal with that. And you're there, you've got the solution already,
it's like doing a risk assessment, isn't it? Yeah, you essentially, you are one giant risk assessment.
Yeah, exactly. And we have done an episode on our kit bags recently, so I'm going to give you some
top tips and what to have to handle on the day to deal with them, I think, if you don't have a planner
or a coordinator. If you have to harm a couple down, you tell them it's in hand, you tell them what
the solution is, you don't want to be going to them with a problem, unless you want to be coming to
them with a solution and be like, what has happened? Would you like, we are doing this to solve it?
You don't even want to give them the options really, you don't want to say, this is what we're doing to
solve it. And it's being handled. Yeah, I've had, I was coordinating the wedding for a friend of us
who had planned one but wasn't there. And the ovens just didn't give enough power for the chefs.
So in the end, we actually just had to swap the speeches around instead of doing mains and then
speech. We have to do speech first and the couple, you know, I just said food's not quite ready yet,
should we just do your speeches first? And I'm like, oh yeah, sure, whatever. And this is also,
I've had this conversation recently. Well, I'm not sure I quite like the order of the days printed
on a wedding day. No, I actually, I advise to not do that. Things do, and you don't want,
you'll get to know something for slightly 10 minutes later or five minutes earlier or first
once happened before or after cake, if it wasn't documented there. I am very anti-anticipant when
they have times. Yes, it's like the worst thing you could possibly do, like having a time and then
what's going to be happening. So you guess then that clock watching, it's three o'clock. Let's go sit
down for our meal. Yeah, I think leave them to enjoy the day and enjoy the day and create a
guest experience that flows beautifully and you don't need to worry about any of that. You know,
if that's you're doing something, it's totally throwing the whole structure of the day on its head.
Most people know it's going to be a ceremony and you're going to have some sort of drinks and
nibbles, then a meal of some sort and then evening party, you know, unless you're doing it totally
on its head, then they don't need to know. No, they're there to enjoy the day as your guests.
Yeah, and I don't know, well, this is maybe just me, but I always know that I'm going to wedding.
I don't know when I'm next going to eat kind of day. Yeah, I like to eat snacks, do you pack snacks?
Oh my god, you do. I want to eat in the car. I'd be like, right, Joby, if we'd go somewhere far,
we went down to my cousin's wedding club show, we're like, right, quick, stop. Change into our outfits
because we've been in like two jeans in the car. I was like, quick, shove like a sausage roll in,
like, I'm free to go. I'm like, oh my god, hello, Joby, go, it's me. Yeah, that's because I'm not,
if I'm hungry, I'm going to be an upset guest and that's not the trouble's fault. Like you know,
at weddings, like, can a pace come round? I am the one watching the waitress this.
Mm-hmm, and you're probably not at the circle, don't you? Yeah, yeah.
For deafening. Welcome to waitress in. Hello, we would like all the can a pace.
Yeah, I know, that is me, but I also expect to use a bit of common sense and know that at a wedding,
like, wedding breakfast, it isn't lunch, it's not dinner, it's like somewhere late afternoon and evening.
Yeah, that's true in France. Oh, is this? It's like a seven-eighth-a-clock wedding.
Well, it's like, yeah, seven-eighth-a-clock. Meal. But then you support a clock service. Yes, you
would have had lunch, yeah, exactly. Exactly. Oh, what else have we got? What are the questions?
We're so grateful for everyone presenting these in. Oh, an interesting one. What's one thing
that you always take off of a couple's plate? They don't expect. Oh, this isn't really taking
something off someone's plate, but I always ask my couples what they want their first drink to
be and if they want a plate of can a pace. Now, it's not necessarily taking something off their plate,
but it's just making sure that when they've had the ceremony, whether it's arriving back at the
drinks reception or finished the ceremony in the garden or that they're met with a drink,
I'm like, yeah, I have a pace. So that's not necessarily taking something off their plate because
they probably haven't thought about it, but it's just something that I like to, again, make food and drink.
Yeah, but I think that's so important, isn't it? I think it's loads that we'll do that people don't expect.
I don't expect. I think it's the decision for tea. Yes. I think that that is so wildly
underestimated and when we are the ones who are bringing you a selection that isn't totally
and utterly overwhelming, you're not having to put yourselves through hours of researching and
speaking to people and responding to people and all of that stuff takes up so much time and mental
capacity that you don't necessarily need to be doing. Just someone to check through things. Yeah,
talk to, like bounce off, bounce ideas off, yeah, because otherwise it can be quite a lonely thing to do
and actually another example, I mean, Jack and Mallory have really struggled with this,
even though they've had us there and they've had a wedding planner for a sister-in-law there,
they have felt that they have had to take on a lot and we're like, we are here for you to talk to,
come to us. I think it's having that person who's slightly removed from the situation. Yes,
that is very very true. I think that plays a big part in it as well, like I had one of my best friends,
her friend is getting married and I said like, you know, she wants to message me, like she just message
me and she sent me a long voice note the other day, like I do know her, it sent me a long voice note
about what to do with her bridesmaids and how many she should have and she was like, I don't know who
to talk to because I can't talk to my friends because if I suggest this idea, then I don't do it,
they'll be like, her, so she's like, oh, go just bounce ideas off and you know, and that's true,
like you don't want to be talking about ideas you've got to include your mum or not include your
stepdad or something, who your family, like you need to talk to people outside of that. Yeah,
that isn't necessarily just your partner. Yes, sometimes they might be like too invested as well.
Yeah, that was a really good question actually. I like that one. And we have a couple here related to
timelines, so sort of how about my favourite, you know, a timeline, so like how do you build a realistic
timeline that like still feels like relaxed and also like what are the most common timing mistakes
people say? The most common timing mistakes is always not allowing time for your guests to move
from space to space. Yes, just expecting that one thing is going to happen immediately at the
art world. So if your drinks reception is an hour and a half long and it's from 2.30 till 4 o'clock,
then thinking that your meal is going to start at 4 o'clock. Yes, it is not. Even if you've got
80 guests, it takes time. Yeah, it takes 20 minutes for everyone to sit down. I always think people forget
about travel. Yeah. And for that travel. Yeah, even if I just put it from, yes, a bit travel.
One space to another is. And people don't do what you want them to do. No, they never do.
Is that encouraging? Or I've had it. I had one meeting I can't think which one it was now.
When we built in time, you know, because you're always asking people and you kind of go around and
ask people to stop moving. One meeting, I think I literally went around and that said oh she might
make a new way. Oh, they were in. Yeah, and I was okay though, early. Yeah, I like that. A couple
of times actually, but they're the weddings where people are hungry. Yes, you notice that. Yeah,
they've not been fed enough. So maybe that's the trip. Yeah, finish your canopy 15 minutes earlier.
Yeah. And then when it comes to building a well done timeline, the big things in first and the
little things around it. Yeah, I think we have done a whole episode on time when we haven't
made. So do go back and listen to that. I believe it would have been early 25. We've also,
I think when we were talking in the episode, we said if you've got like a deadline, a deadline,
like a end of the night time. Yeah, work. That's from that. Well, you've got some big things like
ceremony, meal, end of the evening, work, work back. It's a couple I'm working with at the moment.
We have a venue deadline, but we started. They picked us timing for the ceremony. And then we were
like working up and then kind of had like gap in the middle. I was like, well, we didn't really want
that gap. I haven't thought anything sort of left in the budget to sell that gap necessarily.
So so we've got to think backwards that you want the music to end at 11 on the door when like
your venue allows. So work backwards from that like what sets other musicians doing. We need to look
at two, one hours or three, four, two minutes, whatever and work back, build in the breaks and then
think about when the music's going to start. Yeah. And then you know, go from there really. Yeah,
because they at one point wanted to move the ceremony early and I was like, well, we've already got
to get that week. Yeah, you don't want too much time. That lull, you love that lull. I hate that.
Biggest fear. Yeah. So all guests lose momentum. Yeah. They just ruins the day. Definitely.
How do you help keep couples on budget without losing the overall looking experience? That's
quite similar to the one we sort of did before about where's money best spent. I think though that
if you do a budget from the off, before you invest in anything, then you know what you've got to play
with. And if you start going over in areas, you know, you've got a problem. You can put that up
quite quickly. Whereas if you just go in and go, oh, we've found of any of the costs X amount and
the food costs Y amount. And yeah, oh no, we've got two thousand pounds left to play with for everything.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're pretty rude. Yeah, frankly. Yeah. You definitely need to allocate that
budget from the start. And we've again, we've done an episode of yeah, help you break down rough
percentages and then tweak it. It's easily tweakable. I mean, you'll find you know that you might
find a photographer who's 500 pounds less than you plan to see you add 500 on to plan or flowers or
whatever's important to you. But also, once you've allocated that budget, then obviously I would say
start with venue and catering. Yeah. Because those are things that you just can't do without. Yeah.
And be open with the people you're speaking to. If they don't have costs on the
website and you can't see what their costs are, when you're contacting them, I'd reach out and I'd
say, my budget is X for this. Yeah. And that comes back. You either get in the media. I'm really sorry.
We start totally different price point. But at least you know where you stand. Yeah. Choose
statement. Yes. That's like seizing. Like seizing. I think that that have those things that create
the wow factor that you are better off spending one chunk of money on something amazing than you are
just little tipets here and there. Choose to invest wisely and concentrate it. Yes, definitely.
I really like this one. Someone's asked about how we manage suppliers on the day so that the couple
don't need to. And I think the key thing we've said it before is that even if you don't have a planner,
I have someone who is a point of contact. Yes. Their phone number goes to all the suppliers so that
the supplies lost late. They're ringing someone, your planner, your made-of-owner, whoever is
the allocated person for you. It's like one of the biggest things how we help couples sort of deal
with how we manage those suppliers that we don't have to. It's just being that point of contact.
Yeah. It's always making sure. Well, I always check what the arrive of time is. Yes,
roughly. There's always one or two that never give you one. You just have to guesstimate when they'll
be there. You've been the point of contact in advance as well. So when they arrive, you can go to
them and be like, "Hi, I'm Sasha. How are you?" Blah blah blah. Let me show you where you're going.
And it's just being that confident person that knows who's coming from where that helps.
But yeah, it's just being that point of contact for set up and enter out the day. When things change,
if the caterers are like a hold on, the beef's not cooking like we need to, we might be like 10 minutes,
we then communicate that to everyone. They're not having to come and tell you to then you tell
a photographer. Yeah, or people just left in the dark. Yeah, exactly. And when speeches start, we're going
to get photographers, get videographers, make sure they're ready. Because all these timelines are
wonderful. Yeah. But it's not very often that they- It's six to the minute. They read them either.
No. Well, we've gone into that before. Yeah. And so actually, it's quite helpful to go and find the
photographer 10 minutes before the speeches are about to go start, say, right, we're going to have
speeches in 10 minutes. That gives them time to set up as well, because those sort of things take
me. Yeah. So you need to make sure that they're prepared in time. So if it's not you, your point of
contact, whether that is the caterer, pass them all that information. So they can make sure they are
in charge of the day. This one's quite funny. What's the most stressful situation you've had on
a wedding day? And how did you handle it? I must admit, I was looking ahead at this question whilst
you were answering that one. And one of my biggest ones was actually not a wedding. It was at that
party for 500 people when it rained, and we were watching the weather all day, and we wanted this
outside drinks reception. We had a backup plan in place. And then because we'd had to move some
lighting towers, the power then tripped, luckily it was acoustic music. So it carried on. And basically,
the rain kind of tried to ruin it, but I just went round, spoke to everyone. You know, the caterers
came round and were doing canopies. And we just basically- I guess we fixed it by me liaising between
all the suppliers saying, right, we're now putting this plan into place. Helping people move things,
and just making sure the guests are enduring it. We laughed about it. You know, you can't control the
weather. Like we had a backup plan, but it literally- the weather flipped 10 minutes before arrival.
So everything was set up. So we had to quickly like move it. So it was just basically keeping
morale high, I guess. I don't know. That was pretty stressful. And although we planned in advance,
if it had actually rained down on in the afternoon, it would have probably been better,
because then we would have just started with the weather plan, but it changed partway through.
I've got two stressful situations. One was a photographer I worked with a few years ago,
who did read my timelines and wanted to stick to them- to the minute. And the thing I find really
hard is my timelines are so in detail and so scheduled. Yes. I come across as a real pirate.
Yeah, and like Cropper, I told her, you must do this. So I try and say my emails with them. I'm just like,
this appears very much like this, but I appreciate it is a wedding day. I will be there to guide
everyone through this, and we'll go with the flow. Like it doesn't need to be- If the groom's in
the toilet when it's first dance. Exactly, it's not coming without him. No, exactly. The way
it ate 45 and should be the dance, or we're not going to force him. It needs a schedule in toilet
breaks and my couples. Yeah. Anyway, so I had a groom turn up. So we had a range. A groom wanted
some photos with his ushers before the wedding, but the time constraints with the photographer,
the photographer wanted to be with the bride all the way up until she arrived at the venue for
the ceremony. So I suggested that the photographer arrived with the bride 20 minutes half an hour later
came to the venue, which was five minutes around the corner. First met with the groom and took
photos with the groom. Yes, yeah. The groom was late. So the photographer was there hanging round,
clock watching. I was just like, well, he's on his way. He'll be here when he gets there. Anyway,
as he arrives, she was leaving. And I said, can you come and take some photos of the ushers please
before you go? And she said, no, I need to go and be with the bride. And I'm sticking to your
timeline, which really hurt. And I was like, but this is so out of my control. This is what the groom
wants. And you are walking away from that situation. It was awful. I ended up taking some pictures
of the groom, explain the situation, and the day went on. And we found another time later in the day.
But it just, she doesn't need to do that. It was gutting. And that I found really stressful. And it
actually, it created quite an atmosphere between the photographer and the day that was quite hard
to break down. So it just meant that me taking any timing and any logistical decisions to her,
which I obviously was doing, because that is my job, was just met with real resistance. She took
the bride and groom off for an hour and a half for their couple's photos, which just left all the
guests with nothing to do. And it just made it quite a difficult day. And when you've got a
supply like that, there isn't willing to be part of the team, makes it very tricky and very stressful.
Yeah. The other really stressful situation, which I think we've discussed before, was when there
was a giant whopping hole in the middle of a dance floor in a marquee. Yeah. Which obviously we knew
about an advance and the couple walked into the marquee that evening before to have a look when
they went, what is that? And I was like, it's being sorted. And the next day, thank God for my mum's
carpentry friend who gave me this whole to go in it. But my, that, that was heart wrenching as well.
But again, was sorted and was all fine and it all goes on behind the scenes. Exactly, exactly.
So I think that's it for questions this week. I enjoy answering questions like that. It's good fun.
Send more in to us on Instagram as well. So if you want us to answer any, then that would be great.
Next week we are actually talking about the role of the bridesmaid. So we look forward to catch you.