Is what's happened to you in the past holding you in that same pattern.
Speaker AToday, my guest is going to share with us what happens when we keep our stories locked within, when we push them down deep and opt for a facade of normalcy.
Speaker ABecause that's what she's going to tell us, is when we don't grow and when we don't work on our stories, we tend to relive what's been done to us.
Speaker AWe repeat what we don't process.
Speaker AAnd she says an untold story never heals.
Speaker ASo today we're going to talk about how do we actually work through our trauma and our hard seasons of things that have happened in our past, and how do we restore our lives, get re centered on Christ and step into the beautiful story he wants to weave into our future.
Speaker AWelcome to Faith Fueled Living, the podcast that equips you to live well spiritually, emotionally, physically and purposefully.
Speaker AEach week we'll dive into conversations and biblical truths to help you strengthen your faith, pursue meaningful work, care for your whole self, and live in line with what matters most.
Speaker AHi.
Speaker AToday on the podcast, I would like to welcome our guest, Mary E. DeMuth.
Speaker AShe is a bestselling author of over 50 books.
Speaker AShe's an international speaker and the host of Pray Everyday Podcast.
Speaker AShe's also a literary agent.
Speaker AAnd her newest book is called Restore youe Life.
Speaker AHow Jesus Reframes your Past, Rewrites your Present and Redefines your Future.
Speaker AAnd I'm excited to have her on today because we're really going to talk about all the things that so many of us have walked through.
Speaker AWe're going to talk about how, yes, that can be traumatic or it can hurt, but how God just wants to take those things.
Speaker AHe wants to heal us.
Speaker AHe wants.
Speaker AAnd he wants to write a better story with and through us.
Speaker AAnd so we're going to talk about how do we do that and how do we step into everything God wants for us, even when it doesn't feel like there's any way he could use us or what we've been through?
Speaker ASo, Mary, welcome to the show.
Speaker BIt is great to be here.
Speaker BAnd thank you so much for wanting to talk about this because I think it's an important topic.
Speaker AAbsolutely.
Speaker AI mean, you've obviously written many books over the years.
Speaker ALots of different themes.
Speaker AObviously some have, you know, you know, themes that have woven throughout.
Speaker ABut what would you just say is your main reason for writing this one?
Speaker ARight.
Speaker ARestoring our lives and why it's so important?
Speaker BWell, a couple years ago, the Lord just dropped that word into my mind and kind of, you know, as I was walking, taking a walk, and it just encapsulated really what he had done for me.
Speaker BAnd up until that point, I had kind of felt like, well, the whole point of this thing is that Jesus heals me of this terrible past that I had.
Speaker BBut I. I was beginning to see that.
Speaker BNo, yes, that's true.
Speaker BAnd I love being healed and walking through healing.
Speaker BBut that there was a so what to that story.
Speaker BThis restorying process is not just for me.
Speaker BIt's actually for you and for everybody else.
Speaker BIt's.
Speaker BIt's part of the act of discipleship.
Speaker BIt's part of the act of sanctification.
Speaker BIt's part of the act of community, where God uses those very broken places of our lives to bring light and life to people who are suffering.
Speaker BAnd that has brought me a tremendous amount of joy.
Speaker BI can't even quantify how much joy it's brought me to know that my own difficult story has been helpful to other people.
Speaker BSo true.
Speaker AI mean, whether it's things I've talked about, you know, on.
Speaker AOn my podcast, obviously, you have your podcast and written a lot or so many guests I've talked to every one of them that shares their testimony and their story, whether it's about coming through a traumatic experience or hurt, whether it's betrayal, whether it's healing.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AFrom some major illness.
Speaker AAll of them say that it's when they didn't just experience the change or the healing, but it's when they did exactly what you said, which is they spoke about it.
Speaker AThey were willing to be vulnerable about it and share their story because that gives others hope, that gives others a place to move towards right.
Speaker AAnd that to know that this is possible for them if they haven't experienced that same thing yet.
Speaker AAnd I think it's so powerful.
Speaker BYeah, I think, you know, the main reason we.
Speaker BWe walk through these stories and we talk about them later is so others don't feel so alone.
Speaker BAnd I definitely feel like there have been many times where I felt really alone in my life.
Speaker BAnd then someone will come along, and I will have thought I was the only one dealing with that.
Speaker BAnd they share their story.
Speaker BI'm like, oh, thank goodness.
Speaker BThere's this holy exit exhale of just like, I'm not the only one that has struggle, struggled with this.
Speaker BWe can be so isolated in the world that we live in.
Speaker BRight now, we're living behind a screen.
Speaker BIt's becoming more difficult to hear each other's stories.
Speaker BIn an authentic way, I agree with you.
Speaker AAnd when I have three college age or just beyond college age sons, and they're all at home at this point, and one of them has walked through depression and, you know, that kind of stuff.
Speaker AAnd having shared that with friends or people I know, part of the reason I shared it was because I would have wanted somebody to tell me, this is what it looks like, or this is what I'm learning through this or.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker ABut it's because if I can say something that would help someone else, it's when we are willing to say, I'm not going to be embarrassed or have shame or guilt around it, whether it's something we're going through or a family.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AIt's that I think this is important to share with other parents or other.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AOr in your case, like what you've walked through.
Speaker AAnd so what would you just share with people that might be hesitant to share their story as they've experienced healing or just, you know, God kind of taking it from them and restoring it?
Speaker AWhat would you just share with people that maybe have been hesitant to share it because they still feel some of those holds upon them?
Speaker BYeah, I think part of that is fear, part of that's embarrassment.
Speaker BPart of it is a lack of understanding who we are in Christ.
Speaker BAnd so we.
Speaker BWe shrink back.
Speaker BWe don't feel worthy, we don't feel seen.
Speaker BAnd so part of that work is just going back to realizing who we are in Christ.
Speaker BAnd when we are settled as children of Jesus, we have more of an ability to not worry so much about our reputation and to be more concerned about other people hurting than we are controlling our narrative.
Speaker BAnd I would say that also along those lines, there's some people listening to this podcast today who have a secret and they haven't let their story out.
Speaker BAnd I often tell audiences, an untold story never heals, and if you never let it out, it won't get out into the light of day in order to have the beautiful sunlight shine on it and heal it and the Lord to shine on it and heal it in the beautiful power of community.
Speaker BAnd so part of that is we have to begin by sharing our story.
Speaker BAnd that needs to be with a safe person, not someone who's already trampled all over you.
Speaker BAnd that's, you know, kind of a discussion for another time.
Speaker BBut that's the beginning of that healing, is being willing to share your story with one safe person.
Speaker A100%.
Speaker AI do want to jump into that in a second.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AYou talk about sort of how do we get or make sure we're in safe spaces or how do we even identify that?
Speaker ABut before we do.
Speaker AYeah, I thought, I love that you talk about that, you know, that our bodies remember, you know, and that these past hurts, traumas, unresolved feelings or things we've been through do keep us or can keep us from moving forward.
Speaker AThey can keep us stuck in that pattern.
Speaker AAnd to me, I even like the.
Speaker AI think it's interesting, the connection with mind, body and spirit and how when we don't heal these things, we start having the stress or we can have physical ailments from them because we're holding on to these things.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AInstead of going to the Lord and, or doing the work we need to do with counselors or whoever.
Speaker ABut to release it, like you said, to address the things that we need to work through instead of, like you said, tamp them down.
Speaker AAnd so I think that's really important for people to know.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AThis is not only spiritual, which is obviously probably the most important thing, but it's.
Speaker AIt's every layer of us that it's tied to.
Speaker BI agree with that.
Speaker BAnd that's why health is so important.
Speaker BOne of the things that I try to push people a little bit with is I've heard people kind of like, push back, like, well, I don't want to be self absorbed and I don't want to look at this thing because it seems selfish to me.
Speaker BI've got, you know, too many things on my plate.
Speaker BThis is the last thing I want to look at.
Speaker BBut my encouragement is, is that your family needs a healed you.
Speaker BYour children need a healed you.
Speaker BYour husband or wife needs a healed you.
Speaker BYour aunts, uncles, your cousins, your friends, they all need a healed you.
Speaker BAnd so if you cannot heal for your sake and you're just like, well, I think this is selfish.
Speaker BHeal for their sake.
Speaker BBecause you will be changing direction and you will be putting a holy stake in the ground saying, no more.
Speaker BIs this happening on my watch?
Speaker BBy the power of the Lord within me, I'm not going to, you know, bootstrap it myself.
Speaker BBut, you know, I see that with my kids, like, in terms of becoming a different parent than the way I was parented.
Speaker BI just stuck that stake in the ground.
Speaker BI can't.
Speaker BThat was devastating.
Speaker BMy childhood was absolutely consumingly devastating.
Speaker BAnd I had no one to help me.
Speaker BAnd I made a determination with lots of tears and lots of weakness of, I don't want that.
Speaker BI can't do that to my kids.
Speaker BAnd so by the grace of God.
Speaker BI made lots of mistakes, but I didn't duplicate the home I was raised in.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker ASo powerful.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AAnd so let's talk about a little bit about spaces, because, you know, as you talk about in your book, in.
Speaker AIn other books as well, but we can often find ourselves in a space that doesn't feel safe for us for many reasons.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AIt could be someone that's.
Speaker AThat work that's in our environment.
Speaker AIt can just be so many things.
Speaker ABut would you just share with us about people that might be finding themselves a situation?
Speaker AThey can't really name it, but they just know something about it just feels off or it's, you know, causing them real angst, I guess, you know, that's.
Speaker BThat's really.
Speaker BYou've answered your question.
Speaker BThe question.
Speaker BFor me, it's this, paying attention to your body.
Speaker BFor me, my nerves go to my stomach.
Speaker BAnd so if I walk into a situation and my stomach turns, I used to just be like, come on, Mary, just deal with it.
Speaker BJust push through.
Speaker BAnd I would neglect what my body was telling me.
Speaker BAnd now I'm learning I'm not perfect at it, but I'm learning more to trust my gut and to know that if something doesn't feel right, if something feels off, there's no harm in stepping back.
Speaker BThere could be harm in stepping forward and entrusting yourself to that environment or those people.
Speaker BSo just give yourself a little break and step back.
Speaker BObserve it more.
Speaker BMaybe talk to someone else about it.
Speaker BAnd don't jump in until you feel safe.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AAnd then would you say that there are certain things.
Speaker ALook, when you found yourself in a space that didn't feel you could be yourself or that didn't feel safe or a narcissistic person, were there things besides what you just shared?
Speaker AFor instance, was it.
Speaker AWas it journaling about a situation or just trying to uncover it?
Speaker ABecause I think sometimes, like, you start to identify that you had a physical.
Speaker AYour body trying to tell you something.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker ABut if we're not having something that's maybe so obvious, or at least not on the surface, do you find that people trying to kind of dig into it a little bit more is helpful?
Speaker BYes.
Speaker BAnd.
Speaker BAnd it doesn't.
Speaker BIt's not just your body.
Speaker BYour mind will think something, too.
Speaker BSo I'll give the example of we left a church a couple years ago and turned into an unsafe environment.
Speaker BAnd I. I had the stomachache and all that stuff, but I also had this, like, something's not right.
Speaker BAnd what that person said was weird.
Speaker BAnd so what I did was I went outside of the church to some wise friends because I needed a.
Speaker BA perspective that was on the outside, that was not biased.
Speaker BAnd I also didn't really want to bring any sort of discord.
Speaker BSo I went outside of the situation or outside of the environment and started asking questions.
Speaker BIs this normal?
Speaker BWhat would you think if this happened to you?
Speaker BAre these statements correct?
Speaker BAnd that just helped me not feel so crazy because we're.
Speaker BEspecially when you're in a church, when you're in an environment and you're swimming in it, it's really hard to have discernment about whether that's safe or not.
Speaker AYeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker AI can see that.
Speaker AWell, very good.
Speaker ASo what else would you just share with us about your book as far as how you want to encourage people to look at their own life, their story, look at those inciting incidents, the different pivotal points, and what can we do with it?
Speaker ARight.
Speaker ASo that we step into, you know, our best future, if you will.
Speaker BYeah, I think being curious about it is great.
Speaker BAnd also creating timelines is lovely.
Speaker BLike, even physically writing down this happened, this happened.
Speaker BThose are the.
Speaker BThe, you know, all of the obstacles on the way up to the climax of the story.
Speaker BAnd, you know, we're.
Speaker BIn a way, I kind of look at it that the climax of the story could possibly be meeting Jesus.
Speaker BAnd the denouement, which is the working out of that climax, is.
Speaker BIs where we are today.
Speaker BLike, this is the working out of the climax, but we also have to go before the climax and see, you know, all the things that have happened and even the things that have been difficult since then of.
Speaker BOf asking, what is the redemptive thread in this?
Speaker BI was recently reminded of a practice I did when was in college, and I went to college in the Pacific Northwest.
Speaker BThat's where I'm from originally.
Speaker BAnd if you know anything about the Pacific Northwest, it rains all the time.
Speaker BAnd so we had this internal track that was like an eighth of a mile long.
Speaker BAnd I would just run the track when it was raining outside.
Speaker BAnd the Lord just had me do something during that time.
Speaker BYou know, I was only like 19 years old, so every lap that I did, I would recount that year of my life.
Speaker BYear one, year two, year three, year four.
Speaker BAnd initially it was just recounting all the bad things.
Speaker BAnd then as I continued, it was find God's intersection in that.
Speaker BWhat did he do to help?
Speaker BWhat did I learn?
Speaker BWhat am I using now as a resource because of what I went through there?
Speaker BAnd so that's just a really interesting practice that I did as a runner, but we could do in our journal or talk with a friend.
Speaker BIt would be a really interesting conversation to have with a friend just to say, I'm going to give you three sentences about God's faithfulness when I was 1 and 2 and 3, and keep going from there.
Speaker AI love that.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AAnd the book, the Gift by Edith Eager.
Speaker AShe's a psychologist.
Speaker AI don't know if you're familiar with her, but she talks about.
Speaker AShe was a Holocaust survivor, but she talks about all the people she's worked with and even through her own experiences that so many times we can get stuck before we heal with the why me?
Speaker ARight.
Speaker ALike, why did this happen to me?
Speaker AWhich I think we probably all ask that about probably many things in life.
Speaker ABut she says it's when we.
Speaker AWe do the healing, of course, but then we shift our question or framework to what now or what's next.
Speaker AIn other words, that hope.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AComing alive.
Speaker ALike, seeing that, yes, something in our past has happened to us, but we aren't the thing that happened to us.
Speaker AAnd so I guess for you, what would you just share with people?
Speaker ABecause I think it is easy to take on the identity of something that's happened to us or a diagnosis.
Speaker AIt can be anything.
Speaker AAnd of course, you know, you know, we want to have the identity in Christ, but what would you just say to people that maybe you're still holding on to an identity from something that's happened to them or that they're.
Speaker AThey've been identified as.
Speaker BThat's a great question.
Speaker BThank you for asking it.
Speaker BI think as I think about that, I think about those years of healing where I was slogging and I was crying out, how long, oh, Lord, how long?
Speaker BAnd I just want to dignify the person listening today who's in the slog of.
Speaker BIs very normal to be in the darkness for a while.
Speaker BThe St. John of the Cross had a dark night of the soul.
Speaker BWe're all going to go through that.
Speaker BSo I just want to say that first, and then I want to think about the now and the not yet.
Speaker BSo here we are now, and we are loved and held and forgiven and all of these wonderful things, children of God, all of that identity.
Speaker BAnd the not yet, as you mentioned, is that working out what's next?
Speaker BBut what I've had to come to is, yes, that's great.
Speaker BAnd yes, I'm seeing fruit in my ministry, but there is an eschatological hope of one day all These tears that I've been crying during Epstein file.
Speaker BThings that I have been weeping.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BHow long?
Speaker BOh, Lord, how long?
Speaker BWhen is there going to be justice?
Speaker BIt may not happen here.
Speaker BIt won't happen in a perfect way.
Speaker BAnd so I have to set my mind on that eschatological hope of new heavens, new earth, tears wiped away.
Speaker BNo more cancer, no more pain, no more pedophiles.
Speaker BAll those things.
Speaker BAnd that helps me to endure.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker ASo good.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker ASo it's kind of, you know, that setting our sights, you know, both in, you know, not the.
Speaker ANot the world we live in.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AYou know, the.
Speaker AThe eternal and then also the.
Speaker AWe may not always understand why things happen too.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AIn other words, at some point, like you said, we can't take on the weight of every single thing in the world.
Speaker AIt doesn't mean we shouldn't have causes, and it doesn't mean things shouldn't upset us, but it does mean that we can't take it all on in a.
Speaker AIn a daily physical way.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AAnd so we have to start looking at how do we still live in this world and have hope and know what's our part of these things to carry or to.
Speaker ATo move forward with, I think.
Speaker BAnd that's where we have to take our souls seriously, in the state of our souls and be very cautious about what we put in there.
Speaker BAnd, you know, maybe the Lord is calling you to a social media fast or a news cycle fast, because I have just found that knowing more information about the terrible things in the world, because news is only terrible things.
Speaker BI mean, pretty much they don't say something wonderful happened today like this disaster happened.
Speaker BAnd since I cannot do anything for most of those things, causes me to feel very helpless about the state of the world.
Speaker BAnd it also immobilizes me.
Speaker BIt also puts heaviness on my soul.
Speaker BAnd Jesus reminds us that we are to give him our burdens.
Speaker BAnd he reminds us that the yoke that he gives us is light.
Speaker BBut, boy, I feel heavy in the news cycles.
Speaker BAnd so I've had to say, okay, how do I, as a discipleship of Jesus, steward my eyes?
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker BBecause I cannot carry this anymore.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker AAnd I. I've found that too.
Speaker AAnd years ago, I stopped watching most TV news, Right.
Speaker AAnd I'll just read small amounts of it, right.
Speaker ABecause.
Speaker AYeah.
Speaker AEven during COVID Not specifically because of COVID but I found myself in these worry or anxiety patterns.
Speaker AMy son came home from college with depression.
Speaker ALike, there's just too many layers.
Speaker ABut the point is, I didn't realize the creep that had come in, right?
Speaker AI was spending more time in my day.
Speaker AConsciously or it wasn't.
Speaker APeople on the surface wouldn't have known, but in a state of worry or what if, what if this happens?
Speaker AOr what?
Speaker AAnd I really had to take that to the Lord.
Speaker ABut I also had to start changing my habits, right?
Speaker AAnd I wasn't being consumed by the news, but it didn't matter.
Speaker AIt was only, like you said, heavy and concerning and.
Speaker AAnd so the other thing recently I found is I was having a hard time in the last couple months doing my solo episodes.
Speaker ALike I was doing tons of interview episodes, no problem.
Speaker ABut what I found is I had stopped.
Speaker AI was still doing my daily morning spiritual practices, but in the past, I had been spending more time sometime in my day reading Christian authors, like, doing more in depth stuff related to my faith.
Speaker AWhen I had pulled away from some of that, I was.
Speaker AThe other things, the bits were consuming me.
Speaker AIn other words, I had to dig deeper for the type of work that, you know, we're doing in the world.
Speaker AI had to dig deeper in the things that fill my soul up.
Speaker AAnd I minimize or turn down the volume on the other things so that I could actually do and speak into what God's telling me to do.
Speaker AAnd so for me, I had to really say, like, what's changed in my life?
Speaker AWhy don't I feel like I can.
Speaker AI didn't have the capacity, I felt like, or the, or the thought to be able to do those episodes.
Speaker ABut when I started going back to some earlier practices, that changed.
Speaker AAnd then it just kind of started, you know, becoming easier again.
Speaker ABut it was, it was that whole choosing the amount I was letting in of these different, you know, these different sources, if you will, of information and what's filling me up, if you will.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BAnd I think we need to remember that the enemy of our souls is really good at distraction and really good at causing us to look elsewhere rather than Jesus.
Speaker BAnd the work that God calls us to is a deep work.
Speaker BIt's not superficial.
Speaker BLike you just said very well and articulated well is we need long periods of time of study.
Speaker BWe need, as Cal Newport calls it, deep work.
Speaker BWe need to tend to our souls in that way.
Speaker BBecause if we're on a diet of, let's just say, candy, if I just have a diet of candy, I'm not going to be very effective in this world.
Speaker BI have to eat a balanced diet and I have to take care of myself.
Speaker BAnd it goes for our sources that we're looking at as well.
Speaker AYeah, absolutely.
Speaker AI also wanted to let you know, if you haven't already grabbed my Rewire your Mind workbook.
Speaker AIt's completely free.
Speaker AHead over to KristinFitch.com and go to Workbooks and it's at the bottom of the page.
Speaker ABut it is, it is a great and easy tool that you can use to really get behind what's going on with your thinking and your thoughts and how you can start shifting those.
Speaker AThere's a check in chart and a joy tracker that really help you start shifting your mindset and your thoughts.
Speaker AIt's super powerful.
Speaker AAnd when you sign up for that, you'll also start getting my Faith Friday emails that will lift you up and encourage you from a faith lens for all parts of your life.
Speaker AI would love for you to grab that because I think that aligns so well with what we talked about today.
Speaker ASo, speaking of that, so what are some of the daily practices or spiritual habits that you have that you find have been helpful to you now or just in this current season you're in?
Speaker BYou know, journaling has always been there for me.
Speaker BIt's been a practice I've done since I was a little kid and so that's been lovely.
Speaker BI know not all people are writers like that, but it's helped me tremendously.
Speaker BAlso, just conversations with other Christ followers and when I'm in a conundrum about something and I cannot untie it and there's a big, you know, there's 58 knots and I'm very frustrated by them.
Speaker BSomeone else helps me untie them because they can see the knot better than I can and, and then reading the Bible.
Speaker BFor me, I've been doing a practice of reading the Bible rapidly, either the whole Bible in two months or the whole Bible in three months.
Speaker BAnd I do that once or twice a year.
Speaker BAnd that has changed my life completely.
Speaker BI'm completely a different Christ follower because of it, because I also study the Bible deeply.
Speaker BSo don't get me wrong, but this helps me understand the story arc of Scripture.
Speaker BTalking about story, the narrative of scripture is profound and we will not see connections between the Old and New Testament or even within the Old Testament if we aren't reading large swaths of it at a time to be able to logically make those connections.
Speaker AI love that.
Speaker AAre you, are you.
Speaker ADo you just have your own system for that or are you following like a plan or.
Speaker BI created a plan and I have a book called the 90 Day Bible Reading Challenge.
Speaker BAnd so I just go through my own Book.
Speaker BI figured, well, that's easy.
Speaker BI'm not about it.
Speaker AI love that.
Speaker AGreat.
Speaker ASo good.
Speaker AOkay, so what would you just share with us that we haven't already covered, that you just want to share with us about Restory and, you know, just the, I guess the encouragement or thing that you want to make sure we get across to listeners that you think might be helpful?
Speaker BYou know, I think for me, it has been that I have.
Speaker BI've learned that I tend to let little setbacks, you know, sideline me, and I catastrophize them.
Speaker BAnd so recently, for instance, I was watching a TV show, and in the TV show, there was a father that interacted very positively with his daughter, and I just burst into tears, and I was like, gosh, I wish I would have had that.
Speaker BAnd it was just that layer of grief, and it never really goes away.
Speaker BIt's always there.
Speaker BIt's better, but it's there.
Speaker BAnd in the past, I would have said, oh, I must not be healed at all, because I cried at that show.
Speaker BWhen in reality that's just another trigger.
Speaker BIt's just minimize it and say, Yep, I'm broken.
Speaker B100% of the humans are broken.
Speaker BYes, I have a hard story.
Speaker BYes, this triggered it.
Speaker BIt doesn't mean that it's a catastrophe.
Speaker BI will move on from this.
Speaker BAnd so my encouragement is, don't let those little weasels and those little rats and those little triggers make you think that you aren't farther than you are also in terms of forgiveness.
Speaker BSo that journey has been really hard for me.
Speaker BAnd, you know, I might have forgiven on May 15th of, you know, 2022, and yet a trigger will come up, and initially I would catastrophize it and say to myself, oh, you must not have forgiven them, instead of saying, yes, I chose to forgive them on May 15, but there's another layer to forgive.
Speaker BAnd so I'm going to choose to forgive that layer today.
Speaker BAnd.
Speaker BAnd so just doing that is going to really give people a really lovely foothold to be able to keep moving forward.
Speaker ASo true.
Speaker AYeah, I mean, I.
Speaker AThere was an example in my own life where I didn't realize that I had any unforgiveness towards someone in my family, but I felt hurt by them.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AIs what I should say.
Speaker AAnd it wasn't purposeful.
Speaker AIt's like a long as they all winding story, but I didn't even realize until something happened where somehow I look like the bad guy and I wasn't actually the one involved in the story, you know, But I was like secondary.
Speaker ABut the point is, is I thought I had released it and forgiven it and let go of the hurt until something else happened, related and it came flowing back.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AAnd so the point is, it took me, you know, two or three years of just couple things over time to
Speaker BI would wake up in the night
Speaker Aon occasion, I'd be thinking about it.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker ABecause once again, I felt like, I think, a victim.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AOr the person, like.
Speaker ABut I didn't even do anything.
Speaker AIt doesn't matter.
Speaker AThat's not how the world operates.
Speaker AAnd so the point though is I believe I forgave the person and I released it.
Speaker ABut it doesn't mean.
Speaker ATo your point that things don't still hurt or feel sharp.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AOr make us have tears and you know.
Speaker ABut it's a process, isn't all of it the healing, I mean, I'm sorry, healing from trauma or from an illness, or healing from hurt or betrayal.
Speaker AAll of it's a process.
Speaker AI mean, yes, you can have it released, but I'm saying we're human still and so we're going to feel the things.
Speaker AAnd so I think that's such a good example that you gave, which is you still might have things that stir your soul or make you cry or trigger you, but that doesn't mean that you haven't grown or gained from something.
Speaker AIt just means that you're still human and you still feel things, things.
Speaker AAnd then you might have to come back to God and say, I thought I forgave here and maybe I did, but maybe I need a little more work.
Speaker ARight.
Speaker AMaybe I need to do a little more here and that that's okay.
Speaker AAnd we all probably have experienced and will have those things.
Speaker ABut to your point, we need to look at it from a different perspective, I think.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker BAnd just to be kind to yourself too.
Speaker BI feel like we're harsher with ourselves, but we wouldn't have that kind of script with our best friend.
Speaker BAnd so we have to learn how to be kind to ourselves too.
Speaker ASo true.
Speaker ASo I guess one thing I would ask you is what about when you are walking through with your.
Speaker AA friend or a loved one and they're struggling with some of these things.
Speaker ADo you have any just words of encouragement for us there with how do we walk beside somebody when they're doing the work they need to do to heal from something?
Speaker BI've had enough experience in life where people tried to solve my problems or give me Christian cliches that I know that that's not the answer.
Speaker BAnd really, the best gift and one of the most beautiful decorations of love per se is our ability to be curious and ask questions.
Speaker BAnd so instead of trying to work it out in your mind while a person is telling their story about how it might be fixed or how God intersects it, just keep asking questions.
Speaker BHow did that make you feel?
Speaker BGosh, that must have been hard.
Speaker BWhat did you do next?
Speaker BOr just having this curiosity.
Speaker BI feel so loved when someone asks me questions that clarify what I'm going through.
Speaker BI'm not looking for a solution.
Speaker BI'm looking to be heard.
Speaker BAnd so, yes, that is a hard, hard thing to cultivate, but it is, it is a, I believe, a fruit that the spirit gives us of this curiosity.
Speaker ASo true.
Speaker AI love that.
Speaker AOkay, so what would be just your.
Speaker AAs we start wrapping up your last just, I guess, message you'd like to leave the listeners with today, you know,
Speaker Bthe Lord sees and he hears and he loves to heal.
Speaker BHis way of healing is usually weird and counterintuitive and not the way that you expect.
Speaker BAnd so part of that process of getting, being restoried is letting God be creative and kind of surrendering it and saying, I, I want to be healed.
Speaker BI want to be better for my family.
Speaker BI want to walk without this limp anymore.
Speaker BBut I also know you are a creative God who created everything that we see and you can do immeasurably, immeasurably more than I ever asked for.
Speaker BSo could you just, I just give you permission to be creative and help me to be expectant of the weird and amazing ways that you're going to intersect my life, to do good things.
Speaker AI love that.
Speaker AOkay, so last two wrap ups.
Speaker AOne is all the things you've done writing books, podcasting, speaking, and being a mom, a wife.
Speaker AWhat would you just say as your life has been restoried, that intersection of where Christ continues to meet you, what would you just say?
Speaker AHas been maybe one of the biggest takeaways that you've, you've had just as your story keeps being.
Speaker BYeah.
Speaker ARevised.
Speaker BYeah, that's a great question.
Speaker BI think the relentlessness of God's love.
Speaker BAnd I've struggled with that my whole life.
Speaker BI, you know, that question.
Speaker BI think a lot of us, if we're really honest, will say, does God really love me?
Speaker BI know he loves you, but does he really love me?
Speaker BAnd so that struggle continues, but it gets a little like the, the day is dawning a little brighter every day.
Speaker BAnd I'm beginning to see that he, he just flat out loves me because he created me.
Speaker BAnd I, I, I guess I go back to being a mom of I have three kids, too.
Speaker BThey're adult kids.
Speaker BI love them.
Speaker BDo they make mistakes?
Speaker BDo they break my heart sometimes?
Speaker BDo they do crazy things?
Speaker BYes, absolutely.
Speaker BThey don't love those things, but I still love them and I still want to be in a relationship with them.
Speaker BAnd I am waiting, you know, in case there, you know, there's a broken relationship.
Speaker BI'm still waiting.
Speaker BI'm like the prodigal father who's waiting on the hilltop, waiting for his son.
Speaker BAnd so if that is true of me and I am fallible, then it has to be true of our God, who is infallible and all loving so much.
Speaker ASo true.
Speaker AAnd yes, as a parent, I 100 relate to that sentiment.
Speaker ASo.
Speaker AOkay, last question.
Speaker AWhat would you say is fueling you right now in your season of media blitzing and your new book coming out is what's just fueling you, whether it's your faith or just your life and keeping you joyful and expectant?
Speaker BYou know, right now it's my friendships.
Speaker BGod has been so good to give me some really strong, joyful, growing friendships of people who just love Jesus.
Speaker BAnd in our transition from our former church to the church that we're going to now, God just kind of upended everything.
Speaker BWe lost all that, you know, all those relationships.
Speaker BBut he has beautifully replaced.
Speaker BNot that I don't mourn, but he's beautiful.
Speaker BBeautifully replaced with some really amazing friendships.
Speaker BAnd that's bring me, bringing me so much joy.
Speaker AI love that.
Speaker AYou know, definitely that is a gift he's given us, isn't it?
Speaker AFriendships, whether they're for life or seasons or whatever.
Speaker ASo last thing, where Mary, tell us, where's the best place for people to learn more about the new book, about the podcast, all your other books and all that good stuff?
Speaker BYeah, you can find me@marydemuth.com and then I'm on socials pretty much everywhere at Mary DeMuth.
Speaker BAnd that's where I'm at.
Speaker AWonderful.
Speaker AWell, thank you for taking the time to join us today and, you know, definitely share a little bit about your book and about your story and just giving us hope as we walk through our seasons in restoring our own lives.
Speaker BThank you.
Speaker AIt's been a joy if you enjoyed today's episode.
Speaker AIf you could leave a rating review on Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to podcasts, it helps the show get discovered by more people so that we can continue to uplift and encourage people in their faith journey as well as all of the other parts of their lives.